Latest / Andy Stanley Sermons / Andy Stanley - Me & My Big Mouth Part 1 Quick to Listen

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Andy Stanley - Me & My Big Mouth Part 1 Quick to Listen · Andy Stanley Sermons

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So I'd like to begin by asking you to do something I don't think I've
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ever asked anyone to do before. At the beginning of a message or a
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message series, I would like for us to say the title of the series
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out loud together. So here we go, ready, Me and my big
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mouth. Now, this is very important because this is not about your husband
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and his big mouth, your wife and her big mouth, your boyfriend and
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his big mouth, your sister in law and her big mouth, your boss
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and his big mouth. This is about you and your big mouth. So
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one more time with passion, me and my big mouth. That's right.
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So tom case you have to leave earlier, you tune out earlier, you
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lose electricity or the internet, I just want to go ahead and just give
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you the bottom line for these next four weeks, because we're going to be
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talking about you and your big mouth for the next four weeks, because there's
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a lot to talk about. And again, the cool thing about this series
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is if you're a Christian, there's something to take away. If you're not
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a Christian, there's takeaway because it's so practical, it's so applicable. But
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I want to go ahead and just give you the bottom line, the bottom
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line in terms of the big idea and the big application. And I once
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again would like for you to repeat after me. I'll say it first,
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and then you say it after me. Quick to listen, slow to speak,
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quick to listen, slow to speak. And now we're gonna go back
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to middle school camp and I'm gonna ask you to do hand motions. We're
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gonna put hand motions with this. So i'd like for all of you.
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I know it's kind of silly if you would, even if you're watching at
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home, or if if you're driving, just maybe one hand, keep one
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hand on the wheel, all right, both eyes on the road. Just
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put your fists together like this in your lap or just kind of hold your
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fist. And when we say quick to listen, we're gonna open those hands
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real quickly, quick to listen. Okay, So here we go. Ready,
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quick to listen, slow to speak, keep those hands over ready one
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more time, ball, I'm not ready. Quick to listen, slow to
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speak. Now, why do we do that? Because when you're in conflict,
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you're having an argument, you're having a difficult conversation with somebody, you
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know what happens. You don't recognize this we don't realize this, but it
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just happens. Our hands they do this, they close up, and when
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they close up, it means our our minds are kind of shutting down in
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our ears or you know, shutting down, and our hearts shutting down.
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We're just we're just kind of closing up. And the reason in conflict,
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especially verbal conflict or an argument, or we're listening to somebody and we're just
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you know, kind of building up all this stuff on the inside, the
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reason that happens, the reason we close up is because, and this is
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the interesting thing about all conflict, is because we want exactly what the person
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we're having the conflict with wants. We actually both parties want the very same
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thing. Both parties want to be heard. Right. I want to be
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heard, and more than heard, I want to be understood. Right.
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I want you to be quick to listen to me, and I want you
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to be slow to speak. But you want me to be quick to listen
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and slow to speak because you want to be heard and understood. I want
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to be heard and understood. It's like we're saying, look, we may
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not ever agree, but you've got to listen to me. We might not
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ever agree on how to parent. We may never agree on this decision.
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At work. We may never agree on what I should major in we should
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may never agree on whether he's the right for me or she's right for me.
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We may never agree. But come on, at least listen to me.
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And if you have to say something, if you're gonna interrupt, if
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if you have to interject, if you have to you say something, then
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say something that lets me know you heard me, even if it's a grunt,
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even if it's an ahuh or an awe. I mean, just if
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sound is going to come out of your mouth. I don't want you to
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argue with me. I want to know that you've heard me. After all.
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See, I can't really hear you till I feel like you've heard me.
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And you can't really hear me until you feel like some extent I've heard
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you. Right, So real quick, one more time. Right, We're
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gonna do this for four weeks and it's gonna be great. So we're gonna
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be doing at home, under the table, dinner table, at the office.
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You're gonna be like this on one hand. Okay, so here we
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go, Ready, ready to all together? Ready, now, quick to
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listen, slow, and this time, when we stay slow, we're gonna
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say slow, We're gonna drag it out. Ready. And I know what
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some of you are thinking, you're already thinking about. It's not you and
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your big mouth. It's why aren't the heighth school students in here on the
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front row? And why isn't my middle school daughter sitting beside me today?
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And why didn't my husband? Okay, but this is about you. Ready,
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here we go, Ready, quick to listen, slow speak. That's
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good, that's really good. And this time, if we stopped right now,
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this is a game changing idea. I mean, this is like,
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this is so big, this is and especially if both parties are into this,
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I mean, what can you not accomplish if both people decide I'm going
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to be quick to listen but slow to speak. Now, if you grew
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up in church, you we recognize that I didn't make this up. I
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actually stole this. I plagiarized this from a very famous person. His name
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is James, and James had an even more famous brother who was named was
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Jesus. James, the brother of Jesus. Again, can you even imagine
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growing up but Jesus as your big brother? But he did, and James,
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this is cool, especially if you're not a Christian, or you left
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church for some reason and you read something and somebody told you it's not true,
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or I don't know why. In fact, if you're not a Christian,
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I believe you have a great reason not to be, or you would
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be, so I accept your reasons. But you may not know this.
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I'm James, brother of Jesus, actually lives in the first century, and
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he doesn't show up in the Story of Jesus. He shows up after the
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Story of Jesus because James thought his brother was crazy. Of course he did.
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I mean if your brother claimed to be the son of God, you're
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like, uh uh, you're not the son of God. I mean you're
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the son of Joseph, you're not the son. So anyway, after the
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resurrection, because that's pretty convincing. When you stand with your mother and you
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watch your brother crucified, and then a few days later you have breakfast with
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him on the beach, you're convinced. It's like, okay, I can't
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explain it. So James emerges in the first century as get this, the
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leader of the church in Jerusalem, Like where all this stuff happened. So
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if you were to show up in Jerusalem and go to the First Church of
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Jerusalem, James would be up there, you know, doing the slides and
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preaching the message and leading worship. I don't know, but he was the
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leader of the Church of Jerusalem. Now, James had an unfortunate ending to
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his life, and the New Testament doesn't tell us this story. Actually,
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a Jewish historian who wrote many years later tells us the story of what happened
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to James. I want to tell you real and then we're going to look
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at what he said, because this is fascinating. Around sixty two AD on
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this about thirty years or so after the Resurrection of Jesus, James is leading
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the church in Jerusalem, and James believes in the resurrection, and he keeps
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teaching about the resurrection. And the high priest at the time, a guy
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named Ananus, did not believe in the resurrection. He didn't believe anybody rose
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from the dead. He was a sad ju See, and the Sadducees believed
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that once life, your life was over, it was just over. You
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lived for the pleasure of God and then boot lights out. That's the end.
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So he was sad, you see, because he did not believe in
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heaven or I know, I didn't make that up either. So that's an
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old like you know, theology joke. So he was sadducy. That's how
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you remember what the Sadducees believed. They didn't believe there was an afterlife.
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So the High Priest Annonist decides, I got to get rid of James.
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But people love James. I'll tell you why in just a minute. So
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the Roman governor of Judea dies, his name was Festus. Festus dies.
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They're waiting for Rome to send another governor. Well, if there's no Roman
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governor and there's no Roman over sight, the high Priest is the guy.
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So during this gap and leadership, Anonist decides, this is my chance to
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get rid of James. So he accuses James the brother of Jesus thirty years
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after the resurrection, of breaking the Jewish law and violating the temple, and
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he has him arrested. He brings together the Supreme Court the Sanhedrin, and
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they have him condemned and they stone James the Brother of Jesus to death around
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sixty two eighty. Meanwhile, Albinist, the new Roman governor shows up and
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the citizens of Jerusalem who loved James, they tell him what happened because it
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was an illegal trial and it was an illegal execution because the Jews didn't have
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permission or the right to execute anyone. We see that in the story of
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Jesus and his crucifixion. That's why they went to Pilot to get permission.
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So anyway, the new governor, are you keeping up with this anybody?
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All these names? Yeah, the new governor, Albinist, finds out and
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he takes anonis the high priest, and he takes him out of his post
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as high priest and throws him out and puts in a new high priest.
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But not before James, the brother of Jesus, was stoned to death for
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believing his brother was his savior. I should just sit on that a little
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bit if you're a bit skeptical about Christianity, I understand that. Now.
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The reason this was such a big deal in Jerusalem is because James had a
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nickname. Talk about bad things happening to good people. James was such an
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incredible man. His nickname was just jusd. He was known as James the
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Just, and he was stoned to death because of jealousy and because of what
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was going on between the Church and Judaism back in the first century. But
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before James the just went on to his just reward and saw his brother again.
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Imagine that reunion. You're back on what's a man? I mean,
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we can't even imagine this stuff. Right before he did that, he wrote
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a letter to the church, and in the letter he talks about how important
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it is for us relationally to learn to listen and to learn to speak at
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the right time and to say the right thing. So here's what he says,
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and the opening line, if you're a woman, I'm telling you I
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cannot exaggerate what we're about to discover. In the first century, women and
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just really in any environment and any culture, had little to no rights.
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They couldn't testify in court, they were property. Fathers decided who their daughters
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were going to marry based on how it helped them politically or financially. So
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women just had no rights. James, the brother of Jesus, who has
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been impacted by the fact that Jesus elevated the status and the dignity of everybody,
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opens the letter like this. He says, my dear brothers and sisters,
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because you're on equal footing. Times have changed. God has done something
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new in the world. Wow, my dear brothers and sisters, take note
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that is set up straight. And if you're taking notes, take note of
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this. We're like, all right, James, what you got? He
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says, everyone? So who are you talking to? Everyone? Everyone?
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And here's our line. Everyone should be quick to listen, which doesn't make
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any sense. How do you listen quickly? I mean you hear, but
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how do you speed up your hearing? And the reason he uses two words
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that really don't go together is because he's trying to make a very important point.
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That's what communicators do, right, So here's his point. Your first
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priority, number one thing in sequence, the most important thing relationally you can
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do. Be quick to listen. Listen quickly, make it first, quickly
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before you do anything else. Listen, which is, let's be honest,
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exactly what we want other people to do for us. Right, So essentially
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James is saying, this is just more of the thing that Jesus taught you.
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You are to do for others as your father through Christ has done for
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you. You're to do for others what you want others to do for you.
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You want others to listen to you, Yeah, you want to be
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understood? Yeah, then be quick to listen. And then here's our other
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statement. And slow to speak. Literally, the idea is be late when
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it comes to your words. Wait and be late. And I would add
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to it. And if you have to say something, be curious, Be
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curious. Ask a question. When the person that you're having conflict with is
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just going on and on and on and on, and you got to say
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something, be curious, ask a question. You say, Well, if
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I ask a question, they're just gonna keep on talking. That's gonna send
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them down another rabbit trail. It's just gonna go on and on and on
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and on. Well, I would say this to you, Okay, ask
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three questions. Just keep providing more rabbit trails and more on ramps to them
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talking. Why because you your responsibility. Your responsibility is to be quick to
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listen and slow to speak. And the longer they speak, the quicker you
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are to listen. And the quicker you are to listen, the quicker I
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am to listen. The more I learn. Now, if you're a parent
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or ever want to be a parent, and those of you who are parents.
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Our kids are on their twenty so I've been through all the different seasons.
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I'm telling you, how much would I have given if I could have
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convinced my kids to be curious and to ask questions when I'm going on and
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on and on and on and on and In fact, if you're a high
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school student you're watching or listening to this and your parents are listening, you
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got to wait a couple of months so they'll forget that I said it,
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so you can take credit for this. But I'm telling you, if you
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want to freak your parents out when they're kind of giving you that dad talker
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that mom talked you, just say, dad, Dad, I don't quite
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see it your way, but I really want to, So can you just
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say it a different way so I can understand? Boom, They're gone.
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They're gonna pat why because nobody does that because we argue are you? Are
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you? But if you can learn, if you can hit pause, if
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you can be curious, and if you can ask questions, you're quick to
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listen, quick to listen, quick to listen, and slow to speak,
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everything changes. Now I'll flip it around and say this, and Sandra's here
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today I'll tell you my worst parenting moments. My worst parenting moments when I
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was when I was quick to speak and slow to listen. In fact,
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the things that I've had to apologize to my kids for, and I'm a
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good apologizer. In fact, Andrew went through a season when he was young,
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our oldest, where he just apologized all the time for everything. And
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I finally said to Sandra, where does he get that? And she said,
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he gets it from you apologize so much. I'm like, well,
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I guess there's positive to you know, making lots of mistakes. And so
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my worst parenting moments were those moments when I did the dad thing, and
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all of you, with any kind of authority, you're you're attempted to do
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this where it's like, Okay, I've got the wisdom bucket, you know,
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and I've got the experience bucket, and I got the age bucket,
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and I've got the insight bucket, and you don't even have frontal lobe development
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yet. So so you stop talking now, and I'm gonna pour all my
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wisdom and all my experience. Hey where are you going? Hey? Why
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won't my kids talk to me? Why don't they want to hang out with
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me. It is because you are driving them away. Now. Parents,
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you need to know this. Husbands you need to know this. Wives,
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you need to know this. You can right the person you love right out
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the door. You can right the person you love most right out of the
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relationship. You can write your all star, rock star employee right out of
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the company. You can be right and right and right and right and right,
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and you will write them right out of the relationship. Because I want
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to be understood. I don't want to be lectured, and I'm willing to
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be open to your ideas. If I think for a moment, you may
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part even partially understand what it is I'm trying to communicate to you. So
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we know this is important. We've been on both sides. I mean,
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you've seen your kid's eyes just glaze over and you walk away from the conversation
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going, I don't understand. I know I'm right. I know I'm giving
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them good advice. I know I'm giving them you know, whise counsel.
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Why is it that we just can't communicate? And James would say, you
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idiot, because you're not quick to listen, you're quick to speak. You
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want to enhance the relationship, quick to listen, slow to speak. Quick
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to listen, slow to speak. Now, if you do that, if
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you get those two ideas, that what he says next comes easy. Here's
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what he says next. Everybody needs to be quick to listen, slow to
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speak, and slow to become angry. Now, slow to be become angry
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is both a result and a decision. If you are quick to listen and
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slow to speak, you are less likely to be angry, and it is
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easier to guard against your anger if you've decided up front, I'm gonna ask
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questions and I'm going to be curious. Now anger in this context. And
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we all express anger differently, right, I mean, some of you blow
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up. You just you just gonna let loose. You're like a volcano.
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Others of us, we just get in a bad mood. That's me.
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I just kind of go inward and get in a bad mood, and you
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know, just you know, sulk around and try to get Sander to say
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what's wrong? What's wrong? So I can say nothing nothing. That's how
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I get in control. Nothing's wrong. She's like, oh, I know
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something's wrong, Like nothing's wrong. You know, That's how I get in
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control you say, Andy, that's kind of like a girl. Well this
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isn't a girl thing. This is just a people thing, right, we
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all we all go in way the other we blow up, or we go
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inside. But the point is he's saying, Look, that's so bad for
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your relationships. And one of the ways to bypass blowing up or just becoming
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passive aggressive, or just being sulky moody and trying to get control that way,
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he says, is you've got to understand where the other person is coming
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from. Quick to listen, slow to speak. But anger in the context
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of what he's talking about, is really more anger like this, it's drawing
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hasty, misinformed, relationally destructive conclusions. That is, jumping to hastily and
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misinformed and relationally destructive conclusion. So here's his formula. It's it's kind of
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a formula. The longer you listen, the more you'll learn, the less
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angry you'll be. The longer you listen, the more you'll learn, the
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less angry you'll become. Now here's why this works and what I'm about to
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tell you. Now this is just common sense. And you know, if
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you're taking notes, you're not gonnaed to write this down. This is like,
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really, you're wasting our time telling us this, telling us this.
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This is one of those things that's so obvious. But every once in a
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while we need to be reminded of what's obvious so we can keep it front
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and center, so we catch ourselves when we begin to depart from what we
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should depart from. Because it's so obvious, nobody should have to tell us
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here. It is everything, everything, everything that everyone does makes sense to
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them. That is deep. Isn't that deep? I got like a grown
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down here on the front, like, whoa, yeah, everything this is?
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This is this is worth getting up and listening to. You know,
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everything that everyone does makes perfect sense to them. It gets worse, everything
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that everyone says makes sense to them as well. Okay, and if you're
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not, if you're not a Christian person, what I'm about to tell you,
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I promise you we believe from the top of our head to the bottom
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of our feet. It's it's why you will never feel judged in our churches.
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Everything everyone believes makes sense to them as well. So here's the thing.
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When you say or when you think, because most of the times we
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think it, or sometimes we'll say it, not to the person we're in
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conflict with, but we'll say it to somebody else because we do this a
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lot, especially around political things, or religious things, or sometimes money things.
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When you hear yourself saying, or when you catch yourself thinking, I
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don't know why they would do that. I don't know why they would say
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that. I don't know why they would believe that. Who needs an education?
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Give you a head? I don't know. I don't know. I
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don't know why anybody would do that, or who has the problem? Well,
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I don't know. Well I think maybe you need to have some learning
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to do. Oh, I'd just rather be critical. Well, yeah,
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of course it's more fun to be critical or to just think they're idiots.
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Right, And if you get an education on why they're doing what they're doing,
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not only will it make more sense, you might join them when we
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can't have that. So I'll just be ignorant and hang around with people who
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think like I think, see the world the way I do. So we
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can all just sit around and go, can you believe that? Why would
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anybody do that? Why would anybody believe that? Why would anybody say that?
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Well, guess what, newsflash, they all have perfectly good reasons for
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what they do, what they say, what they believe, Just like you
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have a perfectly good reason. Everything everybody does makes perfect sense to them.
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So if there's something you don't know, I can't believe my son would do
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that? Why would my son do that? Why would my daughter? Why
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would my wife? Why? If there's something you don't know, you need
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to that requires questions, not declarations, not a little many sermons, not
19:07
proclamations, not here's a bucket of wisdom to duck on your honey. You
19:11
know, to drop on your honey requires questions. And we get back to
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what James says. So I got an idea. He says, why don't
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you be quick to listen and learn? Why don't you be curious? Why
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don't you ask questions? Why don't you be quick to listen? Priorities listening
19:26
and learning? And slow, I mean wait, and be late, slow
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in what you say in response. Now, some of you from my generation,
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you may have grown up and read on Stephen Covey's book The Seven Habits
19:41
of Highly Effective People, or you may be in your twenties and have read
19:44
It's such a fabulous book. It's just it's principal Center. And of course
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Stephen Covey was Mormon, his family was Mormon and read the New Testament,
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so he may have gotten this from James. I don't know. But the
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fifth habit of the seven Habits of highly Effective People, Stephen Covey basically says
19:57
the same thing. Here's the way he says it. I thought this might
20:00
be helpful. He says this, seek first to understand, then to be
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understood. Then there it is seek first to understand. That means I have
20:08
to ask questions. It means I need to listen, listen, listen,
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listen, listen, listen, listen, And then only when I understand do
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I seek to be understood. The way I try to do this and I
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don't get this perfect. And again, I as a parent, I just
20:22
so struggled with this. I decided, I'm not going to criticize anything I
20:26
don't understand. I'm not going to criticize any idea I don't understand, and
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I'm not going to criticize anybody if I don't know their story. And once
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I decided that, I became a better learner of people and a better understander
20:37
of ideas. Because if somebody holds an idea of persuasion or opinion, it
20:42
makes sense to them, And if it doesn't make sense to me, who
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am I to criticize something I don't even understand? And the thing is,
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when we're in conversation, when we're in conflict, when we're just listening to
20:56
reply rather than understand, we don't learn anything. And if you're not learning
21:00
anything, it's going to be hard to make the relationship any better. Because
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you know this. We all have a frame of reference, we all have
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a frame, we all have a filter. And every word you speak to
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me comes right through my filter, my age, where I went to school,
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how I was brought up, everything all my filter, and I hear
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your words through my filter, and chances are I'm not going to understand you
21:21
correctly. So I am a fool to judge you, and I'm a fool
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to criticize you until I understand you, which requires more listening than speaking.
21:30
Quick to listen, quick to listen, quick fill listen, quick to listen,
21:33
quick to listen, slow to speak. Now, if we stopped right
21:37
there, that's pretty good in it. I mean you could do something with
21:40
that, right go home, quick to listen, slow to speak. It's
21:41
a good Church. You know, kind of got through the Jesus thing real
21:44
quick and then got on with something practical. I can do that, you
21:47
know, but James isn't finished, because James is the brother of Jesus.
21:52
Oh my goodness, he's seen a resurrected brother. He's like, whoa,
21:56
no, no, this is way bigger than y'all get along out there is.
22:00
That's not what this is. You know, stop it, cut it
22:02
out. You know, y'all listen. This isn't that. This isn't just
22:03
you know, self help. This is way bigger than that. He says.
22:07
There's a divine agenda attached to this, and he continues. He says
22:11
this everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become
22:14
angry, because I'm gonna get he says. Now I'm gonna tell you why.
22:17
Now we think, we know why, we think, oh I know
22:18
why we should do this. Because if I'm calmer, I'll be more convincing.
22:26
If I'm calmer and I go, oh, yeah, that is so
22:30
helpful, you know, I'll just kind of real amen, real, amen,
22:32
I got you, And then they're gonna see the world the way I
22:33
do it. I know what this is. This is a ploy. This
22:36
is something that we're leveraging to get our way. James is going, no,
22:38
okay, no, that's not what this is about. Let me explain
22:41
to you. James would say why this is a big deal. He says
22:45
this, everyone should be quick to listen, slow, to speak slow,
22:48
and so to become angry. Because tell us why, James, Because human
22:52
anger? What is human anger? Human anger is when I don't get my
22:55
way. I mean, that's why you get angry and why you get frustrated.
22:57
For years, I would see this counsel named Stevie was great. I
23:00
would say, Steve, I'm so frustrated. He'd say, no, you're
23:03
angry. I'm like, no, I'm not angry. I'm just frustrated.
23:06
He's like, what's the difference. I'm like, well, sounds better,
23:08
you know. It's like, I'm just frustrated. Says no, you're angry.
23:11
Okay, So he says. So the James point is, look,
23:14
human anger, and we all know what human whis just that frustration. Sometimes
23:17
we blow up, sometimes we internalize. He says, human anger that results
23:22
from you know, talking all the time and not listening very much. Human
23:25
anger anger does not produce or does not result in or does not cultivate,
23:30
does not produce the righteousness that God desires. It's like what he goes.
23:36
Yeah, see, there's there's three agendas here, Andy, there's your agenda,
23:40
there's his agenda because you're back and forth, and then there's God's agenda.
23:44
And as long as you're trying to be right and convince him you're right,
23:47
that's your agenda. That's your rightness. That's how that's how your rightness
23:51
you know, connects to your words. And that other person is trying to
23:53
be right, and God has an agenda as well. And your anger or
23:56
your frustration not getting your way or not being able to convince him, and
24:00
her anger or his anger and you know, not being able to convince you
24:03
that he or she is right. Neither one of those rightnesses is what God
24:07
is. After God, this says that you know, neither of your rights
24:11
are right. We got to look at a different right that there's competing agendas,
24:15
conflicting agendas. My anger, my anger not getting my weight and trying
24:19
to convince you and convict you and control you and persuade you. My anger
24:23
produces the rightness or the righteousness that I desire. And that's what the word
24:27
righteousness means. It just simply means rightness. And do you know what my
24:32
rightness is? My rightness is simply this. I know, I know I'm
24:36
right. That's my righteous that's my rightness, my righteousness, that my anger
24:40
produces my rightness. I know I'm right. I want you to know I'm
24:45
right, and I want everybody to know I'm right. And my anger and
24:49
my frustration and my persuasion skills produce my rightness, my righteousness. And James
24:56
says, that's not the righteousness or the rightness that God is after. That's
25:02
not the right right And this is what he draws us into. And this
25:07
is this is so big. We're gonna come back to this in a couple
25:08
of weeks. He says this. He says, let's be honest, folks.
25:14
You want to be right at each other. God wants you to be
25:19
right with one another, big difference. You want to be right at one.
25:26
I want to convince you that I'm right, and I want you to
25:27
finally throw up your hands and say you're right. But let's be honest.
25:32
Okay, for those of you who are in relationships, Okay, when you
25:34
win an argument, do you really win anything. No, I mean you
25:37
win the arguments, like I won the argument. Where is she? I
25:41
don't know she left, but I I won the argument. Yes, you
25:45
won the argument. You lost the relationship. Oh yeah again. Parents,
25:52
you can right your kids right out the door. And James is saying come
25:56
on, because he's talking primarily to Christians. He's going with Christians, come
25:59
on, come on on. That's not what God wants. God isn't on
26:02
your side or the other side. God doesn't take sides. God comes to
26:04
take over, and he comes to take over your life, and he doesn't
26:08
want you to be right at each other. He wants you to be right
26:11
with one another. And now he draws us in to Jesus's great commandment.
26:17
You know, Jesus gave the one command instead of the ten commandments. He
26:19
gave the one commandment that was the overarching ethic for all of Christian behavior,
26:23
and that is, as I have loved you, you were to love one
26:27
another. And the interesting thing is this, when you read the New Testament,
26:30
Jesus did not come to be right. That would have taken about thirty
26:36
minutes. Right. He shows up, He gets everybody together and says,
26:40
I'm right any questions, and then he can do all of his singers and
26:42
his snappy answers, the stupid questions and all that stuff he did with the
26:45
Pharisees and Sadducees, where he made them all just kind of left them spinning
26:48
in the wind because they tried to track it. I mean, if Jesus
26:51
just came to be right, it would not have ended with him being crucified.
26:55
Jesus didn't come to be right. And he says to you, as
26:57
a Jesus follower, and he says to me, as a Jesus follow and
27:00
Andy, your goal and your mission in life isn't to be right either.
27:03
You're too embrace the mission of your savior. He did not come to be
27:07
right. He came to reconcile us to God and to one another. So
27:15
he says to me, and he says to you, quit being right at
27:18
each other, and you figure out how to get right with one another.
27:22
How do we do that? James, I already told you, quick to
27:27
listen, slow to speak, quick to listen, slow to speak. If
27:33
the two of you, he would say, aren't right, it doesn't matter
27:37
who's right. You don't win a relational argument. You don't win a fight
27:45
in a marriage. There is no winner if things aren't right between you.
27:49
In fact, being right can actually make things worse. Quick to listen,
27:55
slow to speak, Then he continues, because he's still not done. He's
27:56
yes, this is so rich, he says. Therefore, therefore, therefore,
28:00
now that we know what the goal is, now we know what the
28:03
application is, let's just take this one step further, because there's something else
28:07
you need to do if this is going to work, He says, Therefore,
28:08
get rid of, get rid of all moral filth. Now, this
28:12
little phrase right here, get rid of in Greek is the word that you
28:15
would use for taking off a jacket or taking off a coat. Hey,
28:18
come on in, take off your coat, relax, take off your jacket,
28:21
relax, you know, take that off, he says. Come on,
28:23
he says, you're walking around with an I'm right jacket. You're walking
28:26
around with an I'm right coat. Says right here, I'm right, or
28:30
I'm right, or just inside I'm right, you're you're right. So your
28:33
whole goal in life and relationships, if you're not careful, is just to
28:34
prove to everybody that you're okay, you're cool. You got it, going
28:37
on and that you're right. He says, Okay, you got to take
28:41
that thing off. You got to take that thing off. And the reason,
28:45
he says, moral filth. I mean, this just sounds so big
28:47
and nasty and dirty. And here's why you know this self rightness. You
28:53
know the Bible turn is self righteousness. But that sounds so Bible. So
28:56
let's just make it, you know, bring it into our world. Self
29:00
rightness, I've always got to be right becomes quickly becomes a moral issue.
29:07
In fact, if it's taken to an extreme, or even a partial extreme,
29:11
it can become an issue. Isn't this true of life and death?
29:15
Isn't it true that violence between friends generally begins with a conversation, words that
29:22
escalate out of control. I have to be right after violence in the workplace.
29:26
Sometimes domestic violence begins with conversations, begins with words, begins with vibrating
29:32
the air, where there's a little thing in our ear that translates it into
29:36
sound into words. I mean, all of it. We're not even close
29:37
to each other, and the next thing you know, there's actual physical violence.
29:41
There's immoral, unethical behavior that begins with words that escalate, escalate,
29:47
escalate, escalate because everybody's talking and nobody's listening. I'm right, and I
29:52
demand my rights. And James's come on, you're gonna follow Jesus, you
30:00
and me reconciled to God into each other. You got to take that off,
30:06
he said. And there's something else you got to take off too,
30:07
and the evil and the evil that is so prevalent the word evil here,
30:14
maybe in this context the better word might be the word malice. We don't
30:17
use that word much malice. Malice is a desire to harm. Malice is
30:22
a desire to get even. Malice is a desire to get back or to
30:26
pay somebody back, he said. And that's what epitomizes your culture, he
30:30
says. When it dawns on us, he says, when it dawns in
30:33
you're in the middle of that argument with a husband, or with your son
30:36
or your daughter, your parents or what. He you know, you're it's
30:37
kind of escalating, he says. When you realize, Okay, there I
30:41
go again. I got all my convinced convict control. I'm right, jacket,
30:45
he says, He's just got to hit pause and go, Okay,
30:48
I'm just taking that thing off because I know where this leads, and it
30:52
never leads to anything good because even if I win, the relationship loses.
30:57
And he says, let me give you an alternative. Take that thing off,
31:02
and here's what I want you to put on. This is so powerful
31:04
and I love this. And humbly, here's a word that hasn't been a
31:08
part of the conversation yet, but it's the key, and humbly accept the
31:14
word implanted in you. He says, I want you to take off that
31:18
I always got to be right, and I want you to put on humility,
31:22
And humility says we are more important than me. You are important,
31:30
more important than me, and we reconciling, keeping us on the same page,
31:37
being right with you is more important to me than getting my way.
31:41
That's humility, he says, I want you to receive, and then he
31:44
kind of uses little code word for New Testament stuff. I want you to
31:45
receive the word implanted in you. He says. Look, you're a Christian,
31:48
aren't you. He's staying to this group. You're Jesus followers, aren't
31:52
you. Yeah, he says, well, you already know how this works.
31:55
You've already embraced the big picture. I mean, you've got the context,
31:57
You've got the frame. The God send his son into the world to
32:01
die for you. He put you ahead of himself, and now he's asked
32:05
you to do that for others. Right, yeah, well then do that.
32:08
Okay. I don't know how. I've told you how. Be quick
32:13
to listen and slow to speak. He's saying, step back into this basic,
32:19
basic truth that you embraced when you first became a follower of Jesus.
32:24
And then he ends it with this. He says that which has the power
32:28
to save you, not save you eternally. We're not talking about eternal life.
32:32
Save you now, save your marriage, save your relationship, save your
32:37
job, save your relationship with your son or your daughter, Save you from
32:43
regretful words, save you from having to apologize again, save you from acting
32:47
out in anger. Maybe saving you from divorce or perhaps prison. But the
32:52
keyword is the word except. He says, You've got to step back into
32:58
what you've known from day one as a Christian. Got to accept it.
33:00
You have to embrace it. Because doing this, not knowing this, he
33:04
talks about that later in his letter too, Doing this is what makes all
33:08
the difference. So I'm gonna put the whole thing back together, read it
33:13
to you, and then we're gonna get out of here. So here's what
33:15
James, the brother of Jesus, who was martyred in the year sixty three
33:17
because he believed his brother was his lord, I can't get over that.
33:21
Here's what he says. He says, this, my dear brothers and sisters,
33:24
take note of this. Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to
33:28
speak, and slow to become angry. And if you're quick to listen and
33:30
you're slow to speak, then you will be slow to become angry. Why,
33:36
James, why should we do this? He says, because it's bigger
33:37
than just getting along. Because human anger, the anger of I've got to
33:42
be right and prove to you I'm right and always win all the conversations in
33:45
the arguments. That kind of anger doesn't produce the righteousness, the rightness that
33:49
God desires, because God desires for you, for you to be right with
33:52
each other, not at each other. Therefore, he says, if you're
33:55
gonna get this right, you're gonna have to take off that moral fear.
34:00
Ill fat, I gotta be right. I gotta have it my way all
34:02
the time. Therefore, we get rid of all that moral filth and the
34:05
evil that's so prevalent in your culture, and humbly accept step back into the
34:10
basic truths that got you on this journey to begin with, because that has
34:15
the power to save you right now. Wow, So one more time,
34:23
get your hands out. Okay some of you, you're like, I don't
34:27
like this sermon. Okay, this is not for me as it is I
34:30
know because it's you and your big mouth and me and my big not already
34:31
ready, quick to listen, slow this one more time, ready, quick
34:37
to listen, Slow, James says, Look, don't settle, don't settle
34:43
for being right. Make sure you make things right and you keep things right.
34:49
And we're gonna pick it up there right there next week. Before we
34:52
go, I want to say one more thing for those of you who are
34:54
still trying to figure out the Christianity thing, or you used to be a
34:57
church person and now you're not anymore. You're coming back. You've got so
35:00
many questions and I haven't answered any of them today. I just want to
35:02
leave you with this. Listen to this, this thing that we just talked
35:07
about. Quick to listen, slow to speak, This is exactly what your
35:10
heavenly Father did for you through Christ. Get this. He sent his son
35:15
into the world. He sent his son into the world as one who could
35:21
not speak. This is why I believe the gospel narrative is true. No
35:25
one would make this up. You don't begin the adventure. You don't begin
35:30
the story of a savior with a fragile baby who's chased out of their own
35:35
country because of a jealous king. That God sent his son into the world,
35:39
not as a preacher or a teacher, or a prophet, or an
35:43
author or a wordsmith. He sent his son into the world as a baby
35:49
who was speechless. And for thirty years he just experienced life, the sorrow,
35:57
the disappointment, the funerals, the persecution, watching Rome invade his culture
36:04
and dominate what happened even in his own religious world. And for thirty years
36:07
he lessened, and he experienced life like you experienced it. And then after
36:13
thirty years he began to speak, and people flocked. And do you know
36:20
why they flocked? They felt as if he understood. In fact, in
36:27
one of the Gospels, it says that they were amazed when Jesus spoke,
36:30
because he did not speak to them like their teachers of the law. He
36:35
spoke as a person who had a different kind of authority, and they felt
36:40
understood. And here's the best part. And people who were nothing like Jesus
36:46
liked him because they sensed he liked them back. And then he invited all
36:53
of them to follow him, and it changed the world. And that invitation
37:01
stands today. You are invited to become a follower of Jesus, the older
37:08
brother of James the Just, who went to his violent death believing that when
37:15
he opened his eyes on the other side, he would see his brother