Latest / Smart Business Growth with Nicky Miklós / From Burnout to Breakthrough: The Art of Setting Boundaries

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From Burnout to Breakthrough: The Art of Setting Boundaries · Smart Business Growth with Nicky Miklós

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Thrive in Business Together with Nikki and Ness.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: We would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of country, the Yagara and Bannerong people of Brisbane and Melbourne respectively, where Nikki and I both work and live.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: So, ness, we talk a lot with busy business owners, busy leaders about boundaries, and the way I want to open this conversation today is the realization that it's very hard to put boundaries around something that isn't there.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: Let me explain what I mean by that.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: When we know what to prioritize, we can put a boundary around it.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: When we don't get clear on what we want or need to prioritize, then, of course, we can't put a boundary around it because it's not there, it's not top of mind, it's not clear.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: And I think back to it was 2018, I was in my previous business, really busy in a great and resourceful and unresourceful way.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: It was so flat out.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: I was the typical business owner saying yes to everything, taking on all the work, amazing opportunities, delivering for clients, creating two online programs.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: It was just awesome until it wasn't, and then I realized that I was prioritizing everything equal.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: Now I had an amazing overseas trip planned and I know that some of our listeners and you as well will really resonate with this incredible overseas trip planned, and I'll never forget the feeling of being in the cab on the way to the airport and just feeling utterly exhausted and what just happened in the last 12 months of my life and that's not the best way.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: We've talked about this before.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: It's not the best way to start a holiday.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: We want to feel somewhat energetic and not let exhaustion take over.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: What I learned from that was, as I said, I was prioritizing everything as equal, and there's an issue with that, because we can't fit everything in.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: You may have heard us listeners talk about the fact that we have to say no, sometimes even to the things that we want to say yes to, and if we are treating all our tasks and priorities as equal, then you'll do what I did, which you could be doing now, which is working late into the night, working on the weekends, not having time for self and really just putting everyone and everything first.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: Does anybody resonate with that?
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Do you resonate with that yet?
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: Ness, there are definitely times where I've resonated with that in my life and I really love the distinction you're putting through here because, yes, boundaries are important, but how do you know what to protect if you haven't stopped to think about what matters most?
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: And, looking at the priority, we talk about this in the leaders of teams how do you delegate and help people understand where to make that priority between what they focus on next, because some people find that really difficult.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: They want direction on that.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: So, when it comes to our own lives and the way that we go about working and living, we also need to prioritize.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: And what comes to mind for me is particularly when we look at burnout.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: Often, if somebody is left it too long, all of a sudden health has to be prioritized because they can't physically cope with the issues, do anything except rest, and so that's the feedback from the body going.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: You didn't listen to me.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: I was trying to give you attention.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: I was niggling away in the background and now I'm going to put a brick wall in front of you and you have to stop.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: And so what we really want you to be thinking about is do not get to the brick wall, but, rather than that, think about if you're feeling under the pump, if you're feeling like you're being pulled in so many different directions and, generally speaking, everybody else is determining what you do with your time, then this is the opportunity for you to stand back and go hang on.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: Where are my priorities?
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: What is it that I want to achieve?
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: And this falls into so many other areas that we talk about.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: Planning is really important so that we can work out what it is we want to achieve being able to understand what drives us and what's important to us.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: We talked about core needs and drivers and all of those conversations in previous podcast episodes, so there's definitely a lot of different ways that you can land on, but being able to understand what matters and what's important is imperative to being able to manage your energy, manage your presence, manage how you feel emotionally and physically about the work that you're doing and how you show up in life, and they all matter so much.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: They do, and you mentioned it was actually, I think it was two podcasts ago we talked about the importance of planning, and that's so relevant to this conversation right now because, again, if you don't know what's important, how do you know what to put a boundary around?
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: And I do want to say to everybody number one, health and wellbeing is the most important, so that if you walk away with one thing from listening to us and joining us in this conversation today, there's the 1% rule 1% growth or 1% better every day.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: How can you get 1% better at focusing on your health and your wellbeing?
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: Above all else?
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Because, as you said, ness, a lot of us have been at a point where something happens health-wise and then, all of a sudden, you have to stop.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: You hit that wall, whether it's burnout wall or it's a health scare or actually.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: We have an amazing conversation.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: We had an amazing conversation with Chris Boucher around this, which is good to go and listen to.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: Yes, how do we know what to prioritise?
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: That's probably a good question.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: That's probably something to discuss.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: How do we know what to prioritise?
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I've given one tip around prioritise something to do with health and wellbeing, even if it's a small thing, every day every week.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: But how else do we know?
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: Because if we look at this from a business point of view, there's so many different priorities in business and then we've got outside of work, we might have family, we might have all the different areas.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: What tips do you have around this, how to prioritise?
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it comes back to taking the time out to plan and determine what it is that you want to achieve.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: What are the bigger outcomes that you want in your business?
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: It could be in your role.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: Recently, I had a coaching session with somebody who was prioritising being available for their team all the time, and it meant that the work, so the role, had changed.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: The team were highly experienced, but this leader wanted to be there to support them every day, wanted to be able to come and sit with them and talk to them and be there guiding them and supporting them.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: However, the priorities in that person's role changed and with some extra responsibilities and some new workload, that wasn't natural, didn't come naturally.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: It's a new thing, right, I have to learn it.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: And the stress and anxiety that was bubbling up to the surface was because, in her head, she couldn't de-prioritise If that makes sense the support she wanted to show to her team and she wanted it to be equal to the new workload that she had to take on.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: Through our discussion, her realization was the team actually don't need her as much.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: That's her thing, right, she wanted to provide that level of support to them, but going and asking them what do you need from me right now is actually a better way of going.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: What support do you need?
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: Because I have these other priorities and it's taking a bit of focus, so if I lessen my time with you, then how could I best serve you as a leader?
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: That is the way to really understand why that priority was for her, because with the new workload didn't come the realization or the reconsideration around what's the priority now, and instead the two of them being equal just meant that long hours will work.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: The things that were really important for her to get done, for her to be able to do her job, weren't getting done until everybody else had left the office, and that's not okay, yeah.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's the competing priorities, isn't it?
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: So I think a good reflection is where are you feeling pulled in your day in work and outside of work?
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: Look at all areas, because then, as we said, sometimes we have to say no to things that we want to say yes to, and especially natural people, leaders.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: They want to spend that time and if there's progression and the role might become less hands-on, like you said, and what comes up for me, as you're sharing that insight, is that priorities change and as our roles change, or even as we change we talked recently in a podcast about values changing and our priorities do change.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: The seasons, just like the seasons around us changed for women or female assigned at birth, people that are listening.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: We have menstrual cycles, so there's priorities that will be different and changing on a day-to-day basis 28-day cycle actually I just got to throw this in it's not just about a 24-hour circadian cycle.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: I can see Ness's.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: You know, here we go again, Nikki, but there's a 28-day cycle.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Our priorities are going to change depending on how we feel in the moment as well, but that's a personal aspect.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: When we're looking at self-care, when we're looking at, yeah, how we take care of ourselves outside of work, or expectations around how we should, inverted commas show up.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: So really getting clear on what matters most.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: And the other thing that comes up here is operating rhythms, which sounds a bit unsexy, but one of my favorite things, because operating rhythms are essentially the activities, the things that need to happen in business consistently to help make sure that your team, that you are set up for success, your clients are taken care of, etc.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: And the reason I bring operating rhythms up now is that you can create consistent action like team meetings.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: For example, If you're a business owner or a leader that's getting pulled in a million directions and asked so many questions at HOP, do you have a space in the week where you can say I'm available for QAs whether it's the team meeting or a special training or Q&A session where, beautiful, I'm going to be available, I've got my doors open, or we're going to have a meeting together and you can ask me all the questions there.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: So it's a half hour an hour instead of getting pulled away from your main work throughout the day or the time.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: So that's an example of an operating rhythm that Ness and I would talk about and work with our clients implementing, so it saves you time.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: So the priority is still being able to answer questions and be there for your team members, but it's done in a more effective way, so you can also prioritise something else.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, a little bit in that, yeah, absolutely.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: And I think the other thing that comes to mind as you say, that is in a business where you're wanting to roll out a new focus, a new program.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: I think about some of the clients we've worked with where they've introduced a coaching culture, for example, and we talk to them around.
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: If this is the change you want, and from the top down it has to be the priority.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: It means that nothing, unless it's an emergency, comes in the way of that particular coaching session and we talk to our clients about that as well.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: You've made the commitment.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: You have invested your time, effort and money into this.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: This is a standing commitment, like we go to doctor's appointments and we don't change that.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: It's done.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: And what I see often is in that scenario, people are learning from the most senior person in the business, right?
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: So if they are prioritising it and saying this is important and this needs to happen, then their actions and the words are aligning.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: Where it falls out of alignment is where I think they said and there's parents, you shouldn't be on your phone at the dinner table and then, oh, hang on, I'm just going to text message and it's a response to we're being watched all the time.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: So we've got to be congruent between what we say we're prioritizing and what we are actually prioritizing, and I think we can play that trick with ourselves as well.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: Around I want to prioritize health, I want to get up and go to the gym in the mornings, and then it's like all the reasons and excuses around, it's cold and I'm tired and I'm not going to go.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: So you've got to continually come back to, I think for what purposes is a priority?
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: What is the driving force behind this being the priority right now?
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: Is it about a result that I want to achieve?
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Is it about something that matters because I haven't paid attention to it and it's beginning to deteriorate, whether that be your health, your relationship, something in the work process, and then actually making sure that you don't just give it lip service, that you follow through, that you do the things you need to do in order to show that this is actually a priority in your life or at work.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: Yep, yeah, absolutely.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: Are you stuck in the busy trap or on Juggle Street being all things to all people despite having a team?
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Or perhaps your business is feeling chaotic?
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: Do the mini business health check to get 10 strategies in under 10 minutes so you can get time, freedom back, experience, peak performance and finally leverage smart growth in your business.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Head over to b2businesstogethercomau.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: Forward slash health check and, if you're ready for us to help in a more hands on way, email us at hello at businesstogethercomau and we'll set up a time to chat.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: So I trust that the listeners are thinking as we're talking through this.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: What are my priorities?
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: If we were to break it down to a few key areas, ness, a few key areas to look at as a filter for what are my priorities in this area and this area, what would you say would be the best way to approach that?
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: I think about the way that we do our planning.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: We always look at priority around how we're going to grow the business and this is what we work with our clients on to.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: We always put a priority around how we're going to manage our money.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: That's really important within any business.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: We prioritize peak performance and exactly what you said before what are the operating systems?
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: What are the skill sets?
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: What's the culture?
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: How do we put attention and prioritize that so that we can achieve the business growth outcome or the manage money outcome and equally, in rounds it out into or rounds it out, puts it into a square.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: The other aspect is how do I prioritize something in my life?
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: And I think when we come into a business and look at those four key areas and every week we have some sort of priority on each of those four key areas that's where we start to see progress.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: And if you want to turn a situation around, if you are feeling that you are stuck in the busy trap you're on Druggles Street.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: Everything feels chaotic.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: It's really as simple as being able to go.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: It's just one priority.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: What is one priority I can achieve this week?
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: How can I make it so that it sits up there Because one of my clients recently comes to mind when they were saying this had always been to cut back from the business.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: This person is the owner of the business.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: They wanted to be able to have more time away because business has grown, they've got leadership in there now and they want to reap the benefits of the hard work that's happened.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: And when they started to prioritize the life aspect of what their plan was, what they realized is they made progress in the other areas as well, because they all fed into each other and the comment was this was always the dream that I never had the practicality to get there.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: It's something I've always wanted, but I get sucked back, sucked back into the whirlpool of it all, whereas having this as a priority and then planning around that and making sure that it gets actioned, that is moving closer and closer.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: We are within three months, so much closer to being able to have that additional time away, to being able to wake up in the morning and say, hey, today I just want to have breakfast with my family and go into work a bit later, because I know that I have got everything out of my head and taught people and been able to get the systems and operating structures in place so that others can do it without relying on me.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: And that is just such a perfect example of how you can achieve what you want to achieve through prioritization and planning.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, because, also, if we talk about link this back to great, that we're setting priorities and we're clear and those key, siloed kind of areas in our life.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: And it is this structure and framework that gives that time freedom, which allows the choice of breaking out home with the family and as the business owner, for you to be able to step back and not have to be as hands on.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: But the missing piece, or the piece that we also have to mention here, is, yes, you've got to get clear on those priorities, and then you have to look at what boundaries am I putting around?
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: Because it's about protecting.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: So we could get really clear and do the planning and say here's my top five priorities around business growth, managing money, peak performance, yes, and prioritizing life.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: And then the whirlwind happens because that happens Like there's no way that's not going to happen.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: So just be okay with it.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: It's not about removing it, it's about learning how to manage it better and how not to let it suck us in as deep.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: And so it's the boundaries piece that then allows you to make sure those priorities are kept top of mind, and some examples of boundaries could even be around managing expectations around that.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: So I like to talk about a thing called cave time could be when you're in a physical office.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: You might actually go into the cave, close your door.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: Some leaders I've worked with in the past will get a picture of a cave and put it on the door.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: So the boundary was that their team members knew that they're in the cave not interruptible at the moment.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: That's a boundary.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: Or it could be around working hours, or it could be around when you're doing a certain thing.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: There's any other ideas on boundaries?
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: Once you have got really clear on your priorities, what are the boundaries that you need to put in place and who do you need to let know about those?
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: boundaries.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: I think the more people the better, because they can help you stay accountable to that.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: So, whether it's your biz bestie, your team, your partner, your family, and the reality is, the person who needs to enforce a boundary and has the most challenge with the boundary is usually us.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: Yes, we're the bottleneck, right.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: I can feel people nodding along and it's because sometimes, if you're creating change in your life, if you start to prioritize certain areas, if you choose to do a cave time thing that you're talking about but you've always been available all the time like that quiet that I had all the time available to the team you need to communicate what the change in priority is and why it matters and what the consequences are, and people might push back.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: They might prefer it when you just did whatever they wanted you to do.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: So we're not saying this is going to be an easy thing to apply.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: But if you can come back to, as I said earlier, for what purpose am I doing this?
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: Why does it matter so much?
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: And I truly believe when you understand the meaning behind it, how it's going to have an impact on you and the business or your team, then it makes it so much easier to back up your prioritization with sending boundaries, because it's not just about because I know a lot of the people we work with in our community.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: They want to serve, they just want to give their best, they want to be there, they really take that responsibility on.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: But the person that you've got to really be there for is yourself and it's honoring and understanding why it matters to you and it's honoring and understanding your energy.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: What it takes for you to get to that result, what support you might need that's really imperative, I think, is being able to link it back and then push through the challenges that you might face of people saying, oh, but I prefer it when you're available to me all the time.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and the discomfort in that it feels damn uncomfortable, as somebody who's really worked on people pleasing can come into this.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: For some people it does more than others, but it is uncomfortable and it's okay.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: It's okay to be uncomfortable with this.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: So that's something else I really want to share is that the work that is uncomfortable.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes people are wanting an unrealistic expectation of it's going to be really easy to say no to somebody or to say not now or to manage those boundaries when they walk in the office anyway and you're like, oh, I'm in cave time I'll come back to you.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: It's okay with it being uncomfortable.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: Just learn to be okay with it.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: It doesn't have to feel great, and for some people it will never feel great, it will just become habit.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: So I think it's breaking down the stigma of if it doesn't feel good, I don't want to do it.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: We have to lean in the discomfort sometimes and that's just a part of our own growth as human beings and as business owners and leaders.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: So if we're looking to break this cycle, to break the cycle of being prioritizing everything or putting others first, Nikki, what's the actionable action that our listeners could take in the next 24 hours or so that will help to break that?
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: It has to be coming up with the top five.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: So what I mean by that is take a moment as soon as you can after listening to this app if you can do it right now and really think about what's the top five things that you want to achieve in the next week.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: That's an.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: I do this every Monday, our clients do this every Monday.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: If you're in the midweek, you're all adults, you figure it out.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: But think about what's the top five things and keep checking in on that every day.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: Also, if you want the bonus the added like extra sparkly version of this make sure one of those things are related to growing your business.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: Make sure one of them is related to managing your money in your business or creating personal wealth, and make sure one of them is related to key performance and then prioritized life.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: You could even do a top four which is just one key thing in each of those areas that you are focusing on this week, because that's what's going to help you get out of the whirlwind.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: When it happens Now, you can always just go the four generic.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: That's fine.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: Most importantly is take some action, but when you're clear at the beginning of the week, what are my top priorities in the business, and you could do this personally as well.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: Jules and I have a bit of a process in our personal lives where we map out our week to know what our priorities are, and then we can support each other.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: So you might want to do that, but just make sure you start with the business top four or five for the next week.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: Sounds amazing.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: Thanks, nikki, and thanks for listening.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: We will be in your ears again next week.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to today's app.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: If you loved what you heard, find us on LinkedIn and let us know what you enjoyed.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: Also, don't forget to rate and review and, of course, share this episode with your bizvesties.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: Ness and I are obsessed with helping you break through your business and life barriers to get you to your next frontier of growth.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: We bring two business minds and two perspectives into your business.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: As the magician, I help connect the dots, see the possibilities and the hidden potential, and as the architect, ness turns those possibilities into practice, implementing plans and frameworks, because, let's face it, every vision needs a practical pathway to success.
• 23:35
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• 23:41
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• 23:43
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• 23:46
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• 23:50
  Speaker 1: Until next time, happy listening and here's to thriving in business and life.