Latest / The Dr. Sarah Hensley Show / Episode 41, Season 1: Friendship in Your Forties

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Episode 41, Season 1: Friendship in Your Forties · The Dr. Sarah Hensley Show

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Love Dog Podcast. I am your co
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: host Raina Butcher here with our host doctor Sarah. Hey, girl, girl, Hey,
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: what's up?
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: Not much man? Just got a sick husband.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: I know, sad, girl, don't give me sick.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: I know, we drove separate. I am fine so far.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: He's got the flu. So that stinks.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Well, you know, I mean that's just what happens this
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: time of year. We have little ones.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, And I mean we're avid gym goers, so
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: we probably got out of the gym. Even though we
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: like sanitize our hands and wash the you know, wipe
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: down the equipment and everything. You just never know who's
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: breathing in your face.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Little kids are little gym buckets.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: You know they are. I love you to death, but
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: they're always naughty. We have a first grader and a
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: second grader. So and then where I think they missed
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: a lot of school during COVID and like kind of
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: during key immune development years. Like there's some science that's
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: saying that their immune systems are kind of behind. So like,
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: I know, you know, they just didn't get the exposure
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: and get that immune defense. They're just now getting it.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: So yeah, they're little typhoid Mary's which love them to death. Yes, yes, this.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Makes may you think about our new affiliate. Speaking of
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: commune systems, Armor colosstrum is a great booster for the
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: immune system.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: Yes, I it has fixed all of my tummy issues
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: mind too, for the which is crazy because I didn't
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: have that many. I mean, my tummy issues used to
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: be like severe severe, and so weirds so bad because
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: I mean we both had incredible trauma, and trauma actually
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: changes the gut. It changes the microbiome of the gut,
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: It changes the gut motility. You know, the gut is
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: so affected by emotional trauma. So many people are out
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: there going to doctors trying to find other causes for
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: their temy issues when it could be their history of
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: emotional trauma or relational trauma causing their gut issues, and
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: some of those changes could be very, very lasting. And
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: I have been very, very honestly shocked that since taking
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: this product, my tummy issues have the lingering stuff because
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: again most of it, most of just healing came from
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: healing my emotional trauma. But just the lingering little things
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: that I had are gone.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Yep. And I'm coming up on about two years of
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: being pretty consistent with it and not one wood. I
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: haven't even had a cold.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I noticed that too, like Donald had strap. Like
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: when the kids get sick, I have sick sick.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: And I mean, listen, my immune system has taken a
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: hit over the years. And I like when I had COVID,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: I had it bad, like the og covid.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: You had og og covid, And I remember because it
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: was Lexi's birthday party and you broke out in like
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: the covid.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: Rash I had, Like I think I had some like
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: hallucification walk across the room. It was awful. It was awful,
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: but so you know, and I think some of that
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: was attributed to just like having sort of a weak
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: immune system. Yeah, and Armora has changed that for me.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: Yes, I am so happy with the product. It tastes
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: so good in water. I love it sort of watermelon
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: is I know me too, Watermelon is my favorite. Yes,
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: I like the watermelon the best. The blood orange is
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: good though, too.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So and now they have the big huge jugs.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: Oh nice, that are like I mean, I know y'all
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: can't see this, but they're like massive nice. Well, I'm
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna upgrade to that on my next order, okay,
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: because I want my whole family to use it.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So I've tried the Flavorless, which you it's completely
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: flavor flavorless. You can't taste that, but the watermelon is
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: my favorite. So you can visit their website and use
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: code love doc and get fifteen percent off. So we
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: encourage you to do that because I think it's making
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: my hair healthier, it's making my skin healthier. It's good
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: for hair, skin, gut immune. It is sort of your
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: all around supplement for health.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: I love you Armor, Thank you. So episode forty one, Yes,
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: and we're going to talk about friendship in your forties.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, friendship in your forties, and if you're not in
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: your forties, if you're in your thirties, your fifties or whatever.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: This is a roundabout number. Basically, we're going to talk
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: about adult friendships, and I think we need to focus
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: on how your friendships will change when you start to
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: earn your attachment security, because boy, oh boy, do they change.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah they do. And tell our listeners, I mean in
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: a roundabout way of course. Why you think that is?
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: I think because when you become attachment secure you start
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: to notice other people's attachment issues and other people's trauma responses.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: You start to identify those really easily, and you see
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: that people are operating from lower capacity, and some of
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: the friendship drama and things that they bring to the
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: table you just aren't willing to participate with because it
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: doesn't feel good to you anymore. You're not thriving, especially
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: if you're full avoidant, right, sort of like they thrive
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: off of drama. You become very anti drama, and you
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: become very comfortable in asserting your own boundaries and what
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: you will and will not accept or will and will
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: not do, and people right, and people who, for example,
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: like us who used to be at least I know,
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: I used to be a little bit more of a
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: people pleaser. I'm yeah, rain is like I admit, right,
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: Like that's one quality that you're working on. And a
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: lot of people that were used to crossing boundaries or
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: taking things from you will get very upset at that.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: And I can think of one friendship in particular that
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: we parted ways. It was probably about a year ago maybe,
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: and this particular friend had always been filled with lots
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: of lots of drama, and I always did my best too.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: But she was very sweet, very good hearted personal is
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: I'm sure a good hearted person. We haven't been in
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: touch in about a year, but there was it was
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: a one sided friendship. It was just constantly texting me
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: for relationship advice, but never asking how I was doing,
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: never asking how my family was doing. I would ask
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: her to hang out. She was always too busy. But
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: every time there was the slightest hiccup in one of
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: her relationships, you know, she would want to talk to
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: me for hours. And it just felt like it was
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: such a one sided friendship. And you know, she wasn't
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: willing to engage with the real work of sort of
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: and taking accountability of acknowledging of her role and participation
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: in some of these relationship issues. And she just wanted
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: me to tell her you're perfect. It's all the other
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: person's fault.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: She just wanted you. And I think this is a
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: big game changer. When you find your attachment security, you're
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: no longer willing to tell your friends just what they
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: want to.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: Hear, right, And that was a huge issue. And then
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: so some of the gentle, you know, truth about maybe
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: what she needed to work on was not well received,
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: and she when I kind of said, this feels like
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: it's becoming a one sided friendship. I have a life
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: outside of work, right and outside of talking about relationships,
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: and I would like to share that with you and
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: have that reciprocity. She got very angry and essentially did
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: what she does, which is sort of exit harshly, and
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: I was okay with that. At that point. I was
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: kind of excepting that that it wasn't a good fit
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: between us anymore as friends. I have two really good
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: long term friends from college that I keep in touch with,
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: and then you, and then my husband's like my best
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: friend too, So that's a really full life for me.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: I don't have the desire to go out and have
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: these wild girls' nights or do any of that stuff.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: I'm just fully focused on my family and the people
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: that I feel like are on my level emotionally and
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: maturity wise, because they are not going to disrespect my boundaries.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: They are not going to put hard.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: I think to one thing that has really come to
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: light for me as I get older and take inventory
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: of my friendships and what they mean to me, is
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: that I can really tell who is able to show
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: up authentic and when it feels off, it just feels bad.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: And so because I want to protect my energy and
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: my time, energy is a big part cue of it
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: for me because I can rely. I can again. Once
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: you start to become more secure, you're just able to
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: more to easily acknowledge these the feelings that show up
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: in your body when you're around certain people. And for sure,
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: it's it's been a struggle because I am still in
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: this state of, you know, wanting to please people, and
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: I haven't quite found the root cause of why that
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: is yet.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: Would you like me to tell you please? Okay, Okay,
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: this is going to be a coaching session for real today. Yeah.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: Usually it has to do again with attachment trauma, because
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: pretty much all of our emotional problems have to do
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: with attachment trauma. And you know, people pleasing is essentially
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: one way you learned in childhood that you could get
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: safe connection if you were pleasing to others, if you
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: weren't disruptive, if you made other people happy, that gave
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: you access to safe connection. And so look back into
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: your history and to see where did that start. Okay,
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: let's look at your family dynamic. You're the youngest of
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: four you had a chaotic house with a mother that
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: was highly reactive and a dad that.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: Was somewhat dismissive.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: Dismissive, you know, just as a lot of men of
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: that generation could be. And so how did you learn
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: how to navigate your mom's reactivity and to not disrupt
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: your siblings because they would beat you up? Yeah? I
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: mean you had, you know, siblings close in age.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: You were, you know, four of your guys very close.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: So can you imagine that maybe you learned to be
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: pleasing and to make other people happy as a way
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: to try to maintain safe connections both with your siblings
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: and with your overly reactive mother.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, Okay, well there you go. Yeah, thank you, that
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: was easy. Yeah.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: So, but you don't need to do that anymore, right,
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: you don't need to be pleasing to your friends in
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: order to maintain safe connections. You have me, You'll always
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: have me. You have your husband, You're always going to
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: have your husband. I know people like are probably laughing
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: at that, but we have secure relationships and so we
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: can absolutely know that, like divorce isn't going to happen
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: for us. And again people are probably laughing at that,
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: but there is a difference between being in an insecure
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: marriage and being in a secure marriage or a relationship.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Josh is definitely my safe space.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: Like I know he's a very secure person.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I know that he is the one person
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: totally where I can just say, do you know, be
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: my very very messy self. I still struggle even though,
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: I mean even with you. I mean we were having
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: a conversation and this isn't because of you, this is me.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: But we were having a conversation about the untold thing and.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: He told trauma that we can't talk about a.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: Few weeks ago, and I felt like maybe I was
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: a little too aggressive and not compassionate enough, and you
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: know how I was feeling about what could potentially come
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: of it, And girl, I ruminated on that for like
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: forty eight hours after.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: I left, Right right.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: I think Sarah's mad at me. I was like, I
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: think never mad upset Sarah. I was like, I was
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: a little I was a little brash, a little aggressive.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: I was like, I don't think I was compassionate enough.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: You know, all the ruminating thoughts that you know that
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: we tended that I well, I tend to still do
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: when it comes to speaking my truth and what I
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: really feel. And you know, and I've struggled with this
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: with with multiple friends, multiple friends. You know, I have
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: a childhood friend who I love so dearly, who is
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: extremely smart, extremely beautiful. You know, it's a different dynamic
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: because we grew up together, and she's the one I'm
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: the closest to in terms of that, in terms of
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: growing up together and still being really tight knit. But
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: there are some things you know that I had to
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: come face to face with her recently and have a
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: hard conversation with and you know, when her reaction back
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: to me was well, maybe you've just outgrown the friendship.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: I wasn't willing to accept that because in bringing it up,
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: what I was trying to do was seek connection.
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: Right and yeah, and making sure that you guys can
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: operate on a page that feels good to both of you, right,
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: And that's respectful absolutely, because.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: We sort of have this dynamic to where we because
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: we did grow up together. There's like this this strange
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: like love hate like banter. And again, as I get older,
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: it just doesn't feel good to me, right, It just
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: doesn't feel good to like be like, oh, oh, well,
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: yes that's what you did. Yeah, that's what I did
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: twenty years ago.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not the same person you are now. And
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: I think that that outgrowing friendships as you earn your
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: attachment security is probably more common than we talk about.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: And I don't want that to scare anybody to not
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: achieve your attachment security, but I think that it improves
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: your life because you start to better recognize how emotionally
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: immature people will drain you and push your boundaries and
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: make you uncomfortable in their requests or say things that
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: are deeply hurtful that you would normally before, maybe when
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: you were insecure, laugh off or let pass, and you
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: just when you earn your attachment security, you are just
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: okay with letting go if it needs to be let go.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: And you also have the skills to try to initiate
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: a healthier connection and have hard conversations that need to happen.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: But not everybody is going to be receptive or reciprocate that,
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: depending upon their own attachment traumas and wounds that affect
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: the way that they are able to show up in
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: intimate or vulnerable conversations.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: And I think this crosses even you know, the line
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: of like siblings, right our siblings because we have these
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: friendships with our siblings and our family members. And you know,
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: these are things that I've even struggled with with my
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: sisters because we are extremely tight knit. But as I
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: get older, as I've become more secure, as I just
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: become my higher self, right, you know, I'm I have
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: a higher vibration, I have more capacity our faith. Yeah,
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: I loved again. I just don't. I don't want people
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: to view me to how to how maybe I once.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: Was, yeah, right, And I get that. And I mean
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: there are people that have known me, like you before
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: I achieved my attachment security and healed a lot of
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: my trauma and after and it's quite the difference. And
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: I see it in you too. I mean, I remember
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: the early days of us partying and acting. I mean,
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: we never did anything horrible, but I mean we we took.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Out really shallow.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: We were very we were very shallow because the things
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: that we cared about were things that gave us external validation,
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: because that was the only thing we knew to make
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: us feel better, to soothe our wounding, right, was can
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: we get lots of likes on our selfies and can
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: we you know, go out and have cute picks and
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: can we you know, look good in our outfits. And
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: you know, it was just all about this extra validation.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: We take no pictures and that's a problem really because
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: we're like, we're never going to remember this. But I
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: think you know now you and I are so much
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: just more about peace, about honesty, about support, about respect.
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: You and I can have hard conversations if we need
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: to have them. We've had to have some, yeah, and
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: that's a beautiful thing.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that's true that but that's the
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: beauty of our friendship because I've had to have really
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: hard conversations with a lot of my friends and it's
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: been the demise.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: Of it all.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: With you, it was like when we had our really
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: hard turning point, it created this evolution in our friendship
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: that has brought us to where it is today, where
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: there's so much mutual respect, there's so much understanding. Absolutely,
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: there's open communication. Sure, and I don't have to be
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: like afraid, right, Like I can just feel safe. Yeah,
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: And it's cultivated just this real safe space for me
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: and friendship. And it's why like I'm like, well, at
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: the end of the day, say I was probably gonna
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: end that my only friend by the time given ten years.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: And it's funny.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: I hate to Tay, but my other two close friends
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: who you know, we keep in touch, but they live
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: all the way out in LA so we're not going
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: to see each other that much. In terms of other
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: girlfriends here, I mean, you're pretty much it. But I
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: have four kids and a husband who at the end
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: of the day, I will hang out with him all
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: the time because he's my bestie. You know, we are
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: absolute best friends, and so I don't feel the need
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: to have this huge friend group anymore. And I do
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: think some of that's related to my attachment security, because one,
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: I don't need someone to soothe me all the time
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: when I'm upset, So I don't need a rolodex of
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: people to call to vent to, you know, because I
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: can regulate myself, and if I do need some coregulation afterwards,
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: I can call you, or I can't call Donald and say,
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: let me just check myself and my thinking on some
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: of these or or let out some of this frustration.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: But I've already done all of the inner work before
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: I come to you guys for the co regulation. And
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: when I teach this in my course in relationships. I
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: talk so much about how self soothing and self regulation
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: has to come first, because two disregulated people can't regulate
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: each other, and so you have got to be the one,
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: because you're the only one you can control to show
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: up regulated in any intimate situation so that if the
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: other person is disregulated, you can offer that coregulation. And
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: then when both of you self regulate, that's magical because
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: you can come and sort of have that icing on
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: the cake of coregulation to just really solidify the repair
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: right and the moving forward with trust and respect and
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: love when there has been conflict or difficulty in a relationship,
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: and so a lot of people on the anxious side
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: of the attachment spectrum really have a hard time understanding this.
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: And I actually did a video yesterday on Socials that
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: did pretty well, which was, hey, anxious folks, when there's
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: conflict or difficulty, you need an immediate time out. I
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: know you want to fix it right now, but you
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: are showing up to the conversation disregulated and anxious, which
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: means that you are going to demand, You are going
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: to be more critical than you should be. You are
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: going to be a little bit more reactive. You're not
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: going to be mindful of your tone, of your body language,
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: of the person's perspective. Those parts of the brain only
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: turn on when we're regulated, and so both people sort
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: of taking an initial time out, the anxious one and
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: the more avoidant one, if that's the dynamic, can benefit
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: from up gracious. Yeah, if there's two people that are
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: highly anxious, I mean you both need a breather. I
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: mean those people rarely end up together though, because they
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: don't trigger each other as Yeah, but friendships do they do. Yeah,
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: two anxious people in a friendship will trigger the crap
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: out of each other.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: That's gosh, that's if anything, that's what I've attracted in.
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: My friendships very anxious people. Yes, becausely anxious people.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: Well, and I think specifically because you know, anxious people
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: want to fix things, right, So it's like you're attracted
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: to each other because one wants to fix the other
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: one and the other one wants to.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: Fix I think two anxious people in a friendship is
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: much more common than in a romantic relationship for sure.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: For sure.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I've you know, I mean, you know this,
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: I had a hard breakup with, like my best friend
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: is what I would call her from the past, from the.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: Past, and let's just say, I just tried to warn
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: her about this person and their behaviors from back then years.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: But what I did, what I chose to do, was
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: I chose to, you know, be a little bit honest,
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: but then back off and just say I respect your friendship. Yeah,
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: and you guys have to work it out. And even
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: though I was not a huge fan of this person
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: for a lot of because of how she treated me,
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: because she was deeply jealous of our friendship, but I
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: chose to just kind of let that unfold and be
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: respectful and kind and leave it at the door.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: It's so interesting because you see so much when you're
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: actually able to remove yourself from these things and see
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: it from that hindsight view. Because obviously this friend and
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: I looking back, you know, we're extremely trauma bonded, just
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: like you would be trauma bonded in you know, a
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: romantic relationship. And it had It was by far the
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: hardest friendship for me to let go of.
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: Sure, you guys had a long history way before we met.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: I felt like a breakup. Like I'm talking like laying
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: in bed at night crying. Sure, really struggling in terms
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: of like the anger that I felt around it. I
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: felt a lot of anger, and I feel like just
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: recently I've been able to let that anger go. And
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: ironically she reached out to me, and you know, and
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: interesting enough in her message there was no change, none
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: see you.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: Like she has not left her dysfunction and attachment trauma behind,
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: and you largely have. And so again it becomes crystal
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: clear when someone is operating from a very insecure space
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: and an emotionally immature space, and so that emotional immaturity.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: There's only so many times you can tell somebody, hey,
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: this isn't a good relationship for your situation for you.
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: And just like my friend, this friend was calling on
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: you quite heavily for relationship advice from a relationship that
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: was utterly toxic that you could not no longer support
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: because of how abusive, the abusive the relationship was out
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: so you could no longer say I support you being
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: with this person. Your your stance was you have to
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: get out. It's not a safe relationship. What can I
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: do to help you get out? And when that's rejected,
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: then there's not much more you can do.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: No, And and on top of that, it just made
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: us so dynamically different because because I never you know,
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: this isn't about shaming friendships. Who are you know that
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: are friends that are in different parts of their life
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: than you. But that's essentially what happened is that we
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: just ended up growing apart and we could no longer
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: younger connect on the drama and the trauma.
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: And the pain and the dysfunction.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: And so then it was like again this hindsight twenty
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: twenty sort of thing where I was like, Wow, were
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: we ever friends? I mean, were we ever truly friends?
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: Or were we just so connected through the crap that
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: we just didn't know any you know, we just didn't
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: know any difference, That's right, And I think, yeah, I
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: think that that was what it was.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: I think both of you guys experienced a very abusive
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: relationships at the same time you were trying to get
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: out of those relationships together. You were in a very
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: isolated part of the state. There's rumors about Harlan. It's
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: not got out of love. Yeah, I mean, no offense
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: to anybody who lives in Heart.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: No, it's a beautiful place.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: It's a beautiful place. It's just that if you're not
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: from there, and you're isolated without a social network there
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: and family there. There's not a lot of resources there
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: if you're going through a hard time. I wanted to
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: clear that up. Lot of witness value, right, And so
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: it's it's one of those things where you were very isolated,
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: she was very isolated, and you guys really were able
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: to connect and have each other for that support. And
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: so of course, you know, your friendship was very, very
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: long standing, and I know why that was so hard
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: for you.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: And when I met Josh, everything changed, everything changed in
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: our friendship. And I think it was again because you know,
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: I had this like strange epiphany and it's not that profound, guys,
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: but it was like one day I woke up and
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: I was just like, oh my gosh, all this time,
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: all my life, I've had this perspective that you know,
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: you know who your true friends are when shit gets rough. No,
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: you know who your true friends are when shit gets good.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: When you get like, listen, when shit gets good. When
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: I have been in rougher times of my life, lots
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: of people want to come and weigh in, lots of
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: people want to try to see you fall. When I
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: rose to the top, that's when I got the rest. Hey, yes,
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: and that was when I was the kindest and most
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: respectful I'd ever been in my life, and the most
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: gently honest and helped. You know. I try to be
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: loving and honest and respectful in all relationships, even difficult ones.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: But there comes a point where you just say this,
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: like there's nothing in common here anymore. And I want
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: to talk about men a little bit because I think
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: men really get left out of the friendship space. I
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: think it's so much easier for women to make friends
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: than it is for men to make friends later in life.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: And I know clients that I've had who you know,
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: whose wives were their best friends and then now they're
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: getting divorced, and I mean there's lots of attachment dynamics
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: in their relationship, right that obviously was the cause of
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: the divorce. But now they're like, Okay, our friends that
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: we had were all like more coupled friends. Right now
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: I'm separating or divorcing and they're choosing her or you
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: know whatever, And it's a lonely feeling. It's a lonely
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: feeling because that happened to me when in my first marriage.
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: All of my female friends except one that I can
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: really think of that lived here close. Well. One besides,
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: you were all attached to my husband. It was all
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: my husband's friends' wives, and so I know what it
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: feels like to go through a divorce and then to
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: like lose these friendships because he was friends with their
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: husbands before I knew their wives, and so of course
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: those friendships are going to sustain, right, And so then
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: I was sort of like.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: This was an important topic that I need to know about.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: It wasn't comfortable to reach out to those women anymore,
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: right because they were team Jared, and I get that,
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: and maybe they should have been because they you know,
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: long histories though, right, these were these were his childhood friends.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: That was one thing about My ex husband hit a
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: lot of childhood friends, and so their wives became my pals, right,
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: And then that was just no longer one day, the dynamic,
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: and so I felt like I lost a social group
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: work too, yeah, my social network. And I know that
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: for men, it's even more awkward to like try to
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: start a friendship. And I know that. You know, my husband,
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: you know, he doesn't live in the town where he
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: grew up anymore, and a lot of the people that
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: he was involved with, like in the military and stuff.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: They have a lot of trauma. They haven't handled their
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: trauma as well as he has. He's lost a lot
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: of friends. My husband has had more friends die than
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: anybody I have ever known. And he even told me that,
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: you know it, making new friends seems hard because he's
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: just not willing to go through the loss.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's heartbreaking.
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: A lot of his friends were vets and they either
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: came back completely traumatized, or committed suicide, or ended up
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: in prison or overdosed. Like what do you do with that? Right?
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: And that's another whole thing that I'm really passionate about,
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: which is the veteran mental health and veteran mental health awareness,
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: because we do not even a sliver in this country
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: of what we need to do for our veterans. But
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: just the amount of people that he's had die or
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: go to prison or end up alcoholics that can't function
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: too many to count. So he's like, you know, now here,
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: I am approaching forty. He's a little bit younger than me,
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: and he's like, what am I going to do? Walk
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: up to somebody in the gym, be like, hey, you
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: want to go hang out? Want to be friends like no,
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: and so you know, I think this is where there
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: was a sermon at church the other weekend that was
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: just so moving, and it was really about finding your
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: people that are They called them your two am people.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: Like if, if Heaven forbid, your child is in a
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: car accident and passes away in the middle of the night,
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: right your teenager, who's going to show up at your
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: doorstep right to hold you up? And I mean, I
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: don't have that experience of losing a child, but I
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: had the experience of my ex dying and that I
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: don't even remember that night. Yeah, I don't even remember it.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: I don't remember sitting on the floor eating pizza. We did,
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: I know, but those like and I feel bad because
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: the other person that was in that room was when
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: the friendship that ended that I just talked about and
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: that that was hard because she did show up for
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: me and she was a good, loving, kind person, but
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: her problems are too drastic now that I can't relate
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: to her.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: And I tried, well, there was the fork in the
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: road to give.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: As much compassion, empathy and support as I could, until
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: it became so draining on me that I felt like Hey, like,
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: I can only do so much and I want to
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: have other aspects of our friendship versus just talking about
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: your relational trauma. And that is the fork in the
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: road where you put me in. Absolutely, you had that
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: same conversation with me.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: I didn't handle it well. You know then I think
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: I took it well poorly. You took it so well.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: I mean, if we go back and look at like
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: the timeline of it, you handled how I reacted so well.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: And again it was it was it was all you know,
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: it was all from love. Yeah, everything in life is
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: teaching us something.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: It was the kick in the butt that I needed
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: to be like, wow, I am so disfunctional, I am
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: so emotionally unhealthy. And that was even No, that was
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: was that after Jared died, when you had that conversation with.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: It was it was okay, Yeah, it was. It definitely
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: was because it was I mean it was even it
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: was even though like past the vestibular stuff too. I
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: mean it was, it was all of it. I think
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: it wasn't like in the midst of it because all
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: that kind of went down and then you know, it's
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: hard to remember that.
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because you probably would have like you were probably
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: like I don't want to push this person into sut right.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh gosh, but you know, there were
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: just you know a few moments that I was I
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: was feeling so overwhelmed right by.
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: Because you were my only attachment, yeah all I had.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And you know, I think it was just one
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: day that besides what happened, you know, where I was
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: just like I just left you out of something. You know,
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: if y'all are wondering, I was just like, I don't
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: want to be at hurt. It's strong and she was
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: like and it was so wrong, and I'm so sorry
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: looking back on it, I'm just so sorry. And I
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: know that we've moved past it, but you know, it
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: was sort of the turning point for us where you
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: were like, dude, what the hell? And then I was like, hey,
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: like I can't be your counselor anymore and this just
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: isn't working for me. And that's kind of why I
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: left you out. And then you were like, okay, I'm
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: going to change.
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: I got to do something, yeah, and you did, I
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: mean you did, yeah, And it was it was like
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: going into a cocoon and emerging, you know, as a butterfly.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: But I know what that is. But here's the thing.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: God isolated me for reasons, right, He isolated me, and
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: he supported me, and he held me up.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: He wanted you all to him because he wanted.
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: Me all to himself, so that so he could show
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: me that that his love could heal me. And yes,
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: I believe he also pointed me to some people on
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: Earth that had some great science behind these healing mechanisms.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: But I can't leave out the fact that his love
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: was the stabilizing force for me to even get to that.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: He is the greatest.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: A lot of people are like, well, what healed you? Then?
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: Psychology or God? And I'm like both. I was so
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: unstable that I could not function. That's what I don't
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: think a lot of people understand. You're like, yeah, I
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: was there. I had a real breakdown. I mean it
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: was like more of a I don't know if I
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: could technically call it a ner I call it a
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: nervous breakdown. But it was because my nervous system, my nerve.
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: I wasn't psychotic. There was no psychosis, let's put it
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: that way. But the vestibular migraine is we now know
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: that chronic migraine is from emotional trauma and over stimulation
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: of the nervous system. Again, so anybody out there that
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: suffers from migraines, it's your nervous system. It's not you know,
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: because you ate something, Okay, you eating something is triggering
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: the histamine that is already being overproduced because you've maxed
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: out your serotonin, and serotonin and histamine are in a
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: delicate balance. So when you max out your serotonin because
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: of emotional or relational stress, then histamine gets out of control.
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: When histamine gets out of control, you over dilate your
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: blood vessels. You're going to see things like dizziness, fatigue, anxiety,
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: you know, skin issues, gut issues, all of this. I
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: had all of it. I had every single one check
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: check check, chuck check right. And I think it's important
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: that people realize that emotional trauma will cause more physical
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: health symptoms. If you are one of those people out
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: there that are chasing doctors and chasing like, what is
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: wrong with me? Nobody can give me an answer. Check
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: into your attachment trauma, because you will be blown. You
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: will be like, oh my gosh, like this is an
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: overtext nervous system that doesn't know how to function outside
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: a fight or flight where you're producing mass amounts of histamine.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: And I think this episode just is testimony to the
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: fact that you know, earning your attachment security isn't just
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: for your romantic relationship.
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: It's for your friendship, it's.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: For it's for all of your relationships, the relationships with
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: your children, relationships with your coworkers, all of them. And
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: when you're able to achieve it, you're just so much
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: more conscious and aware and you know of all the
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: things that matter when it comes to your healing.
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: Dresses right, because kids are stressful, but honestly, they are
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: feel so much more equipped to raise secure and loving
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: and emotionally mature and healthy children than I ever have
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: in my life. And I had to go through what
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: I went through to get to the other side, and honestly,
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: that hard conversation we had was a pivotal part of it.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: It was like, Okay, if my one attachment can't can't
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: take it anymore, then then you know, okay, Like.
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: It's Jesus is now my homeboy?
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: Is that's it?
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: And again still homeboy?
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: Oh gosh, yeah, Jesus is still my homeboy. But I
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: think that it's it's crucial that you understand that earning
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: your attachment security may positively or negatively affect your friendships
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: because and I guess in overall way, it's an overall
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: positive because you don't need people in your life that
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: are crossing your boundaries, that are sucking the life out
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: of you, that are treating you poorly. You don't need
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: that added stress. Life is hard enough, agreed, without friends
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: that you can be honest with and that you can
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: rely on and can treat you with respect and love
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: and cherish you. And I think that that's a good
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: place to have up.
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: And I just think too that you know, I'm a
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: firm believer of that the moment that you're able to
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: recognize the people that aren't meant for your life anymore,
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: you know, some people have seasons.
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, friendships definitely come of seasons. And it's okay to
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: let people, okay.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: To let go because then it makes room for the
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: right people.
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: It does make room for the right people. It makes
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: room for peace.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. And that's that's across the board, guys. That's
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: across the board for friendships and for your romantic relationships.
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: So if you are looking to achieve your attachment security.
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: It won will be the best thing you ever do
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: for yourself, hands down. And you know, obviously, doctor Hensley
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: has lots of great testimonies on our website of people
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: who have done it, and you should go check those out.
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: And while you're there, check out all of her services
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: at the Dating Dycoder dot com, which, guys, soon, very soon,
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: very soon, it's going to be the lovedc dot com.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: The rebranding is like.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: In full force close. I mean, we are basically just
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: waiting on our static website to connect to our Kujabi platform.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: Kujabi platforms already ready to go. We just got to
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: integrate the two of them. Everything on socials has been
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: changed over to the Love Doc doctor Sarah Hensley, So
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: don't be afraid if all of a sudden The Dating
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: Decoder goes away. We are still here.
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: Yes, the business itself is still exactly the same. So
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: please go check her out at the Dat Dycoder dot com.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: Look at all our services for our listeners. We offer
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: promo code love dot twenty seven for twenty seven percent off.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: That's a huge discount.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, so use that at checkout, and please, please,
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: if we can encourage you to do anything this year,
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: in twenty twenty five, it's to earn your attachment security.
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: It's life changing.
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: It is so We love you guys, and until next time, peace, love,
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: and perspective.