Latest / Dear Chelsea / Hard to Penetrate with Sophia Bush

Transcript

Hard to Penetrate with Sophia Bush · Dear Chelsea

0:01
Speaker 1: Hi, Hello, Hello, how are you this morning. I'm good,
0:05
Speaker 1: I'm good. How was your vacation? Oh my god, it
0:08
Speaker 1: was so good? Oh yeah, yeah, Oh my gosh, it
0:11
Speaker 1: was wonderfault. We stayed at the Weston Resort that had
0:15
Speaker 1: waterfalls and slides and all kinds of things, and of
0:19
Speaker 1: course I like did all the kitty water slides, which
0:22
Speaker 1: was very fun. And then we went to the wedding
0:25
Speaker 1: at the Four Seasons on Maui, the White Lotus Hotel.
0:29
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, oh cute. So that was fun. I remember
0:34
Speaker 1: when Connie Britton was filming there, She's like, this place's magic,
0:37
Speaker 1: come visit because it was all closed off for COVID. Mmmmmm,
0:42
Speaker 1: Hi Brad, Hi Brad you guys, Chelsea. I have to
0:45
Speaker 1: say I love that you caught the ire of Tucker
0:48
Speaker 1: Carlson and those motherfuckers. I take a lot of pleasure
0:52
Speaker 1: in that. Yeah, your response was pretty epic, though, it
0:55
Speaker 1: was pretty Oh thanks. Can you imagine having a conversation
0:59
Speaker 1: about women drying? In twenty twenty three, somebody wrote there
1:02
Speaker 1: parodying misogyny, like it it's not even how you really
1:07
Speaker 1: are misogynistic anymore. It's so ridiculous, it's so basic intellectual
1:13
Speaker 1: like women hating. I just love men telling us how
1:17
Speaker 1: miserable we are, because what the fuck do you care
1:21
Speaker 1: what we're doing? You fucking go get a life. Oh
1:25
Speaker 1: imagine reporting on me and my childless video as a
1:28
Speaker 1: news anchor. His hot takes, his hot takes. There's any
1:32
Speaker 1: more hot takes? We need it. It's not from Tucker Carlson.
1:35
Speaker 1: Oh my god, serio journalism. Are we calling that journalist? No,
1:39
Speaker 1: it's not journalism. I don't even think he claims to
1:41
Speaker 1: be a journalist. He's just talking. He's like an entertainer, yes,
1:45
Speaker 1: a personality, if you will, just like me, I also
1:49
Speaker 1: have a personality, indeed, you dude, And when those two
1:52
Speaker 1: personalities collide, it makes for entertainment, makes for very very
1:58
Speaker 1: good content. You must be so sad up there, surrounded
2:02
Speaker 1: by friends and family, having the time of your life
2:05
Speaker 1: on a mountaintop. I know, I was sitting in my underwear.
2:07
Speaker 1: It was so funny. I was lying in bed, just
2:09
Speaker 1: like he thought I would be. I was lying in bed,
2:12
Speaker 1: and I was taking the day off from skiing because
2:14
Speaker 1: I had to I had to read a script. I
2:15
Speaker 1: had to read all this stuff. I'm sitting in bed
2:17
Speaker 1: and then I get all these alerts from like, you know,
2:19
Speaker 1: people going have you seen this? Have you seen this?
2:21
Speaker 1: And after like the sixteenth one, I'm like, I guess
2:24
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to take a shower and fucking respond
2:27
Speaker 1: to this asshole. And then the Daily Show emailed me
2:30
Speaker 1: and they're like, do you have to respond? We will
2:32
Speaker 1: help you write a response. I was like, great, this
2:34
Speaker 1: is what I want to say. They wrote it, then
2:36
Speaker 1: send it back to me, and then I edited it
2:38
Speaker 1: and like added some stuff, and then I was like, Okay.
2:41
Speaker 1: It was really funny because that's what got me out
2:43
Speaker 1: of bed that day was Tucker Carlson. I was like,
2:46
Speaker 1: I can't believe I had to take a shower for
2:48
Speaker 1: this fucking asshole so I can film something. Yeah, oh
2:52
Speaker 1: my goodness, that's one way to do that. I can't
2:56
Speaker 1: wait to see what he says next. But it'd be
2:58
Speaker 1: funny if he got so scared that he just didn't
3:00
Speaker 1: respond again my god, all right, oh my goodness. I
3:08
Speaker 1: just added a show to Red Rocks Amphitheater in Morrison, Colorado. Yes,
3:13
Speaker 1: I'm coming to Red Rocks, which is gonna be awesome.
3:17
Speaker 1: That's gonna be very very cool. I know that's like
3:20
Speaker 1: one of Brad's favorite venues. Okay, So, our guest today
3:24
Speaker 1: is a friend of mine. She is a co host
3:27
Speaker 1: of the iHeart podcast Drama Queens with her co stars
3:30
Speaker 1: from One Tree Hill. She hosts her own podcast called
3:32
Speaker 1: Work in Progress, which I've been in or on, and
3:35
Speaker 1: she starts in the upcoming film called Junction. She's an actress,
3:39
Speaker 1: she's an entrepreneur my favorite word, and activist. Sophia Bush.
3:43
Speaker 1: It's here, Hi Sophia, Hi, Hi honey Bunny, Hi cutie pie.
3:50
Speaker 1: Oh you're the best. Thanks for coming in so on
3:52
Speaker 1: such short notice. Oh my god, wouldn't miss it. How's Whistler?
3:57
Speaker 1: Pretty magical? We've been getting a lot of snow. It's
4:00
Speaker 1: been light all season and now it's coming. So yesterday
4:02
Speaker 1: was just like it was like skiing on clouds. We
4:06
Speaker 1: were just like bouncing all over. It was so fun.
4:09
Speaker 1: I gotta get out there with you one of these seasons.
4:11
Speaker 1: I just love it so much. Sophia, this is Katherine,
4:14
Speaker 1: this is my co host. How are you? I'm great?
4:17
Speaker 1: How are you? Thank you good? Got your ice coffee?
4:21
Speaker 1: What are you drinking? Sophia? What kind of concoction is that?
4:24
Speaker 1: It's bone broth. Oh god, I knew it would be
4:27
Speaker 1: something of that elk. You know, I was wondering. I
4:30
Speaker 1: was like, is she going to answer the zoom? She
4:32
Speaker 1: going to be in like maple leaf pasties with a martini.
4:35
Speaker 1: I would have loved it, I know. I know. That's
4:38
Speaker 1: usually how I operate around here. I just go throughout
4:40
Speaker 1: the town the villages. I like to refer to it
4:42
Speaker 1: as because to me, it is a village. Sophia. We
4:45
Speaker 1: have a lot to catch up on because you got
4:47
Speaker 1: married without my permission and I was planning being there,
4:51
Speaker 1: but then I was on tour, so I couldn't come
4:52
Speaker 1: to your wedding, which was I really wanted to be
4:54
Speaker 1: there with you on your special day. Tell me about it.
4:58
Speaker 1: I know I missed your humor. It was amazing. It
5:02
Speaker 1: was so tremendously special. Also, your tour was fucking badass.
5:07
Speaker 1: I love the New Special so much. I'm really having
5:10
Speaker 1: a great time. I watched it three times. Oh my god,
5:13
Speaker 1: making nighttime like joy moment. So thank you. The wedding
5:18
Speaker 1: was amazing, you know it's I mean, I don't know
5:21
Speaker 1: how you feel about the weird shit that comes with
5:23
Speaker 1: what we do, but when we got engaged. It was
5:28
Speaker 1: wild to see, like the amount of attention that an
5:32
Speaker 1: Instagram post garnered. I wasn't prepared for articles and languages
5:37
Speaker 1: that I have no idea how to read, and for
5:40
Speaker 1: it to be such news. I was like, you know,
5:42
Speaker 1: like Jennifer Aniston is famous, like Reese Witherspoon is famous,
5:46
Speaker 1: like I don't know, like I do TV. But I didn't.
5:49
Speaker 1: I didn't expect that, And it actually really enabled us
5:52
Speaker 1: in talking about how that felt and what that meant
5:55
Speaker 1: and was there a way to make it seem less overwhelming.
5:58
Speaker 1: It enabled us to figure out how, if that was
6:01
Speaker 1: going to be the sort of attention that comes from
6:03
Speaker 1: our relationship, how we could do something really good with it.
6:06
Speaker 1: And so we went to Tulsa and it was really
6:10
Speaker 1: an unbelievable moment. And being able to use our wedding
6:15
Speaker 1: to teach folks about the nineteen twenty one race massacre
6:19
Speaker 1: and about doctor Tiffany Crutcher and all the people on
6:22
Speaker 1: the ground, the Blackwall Street Times and their staff, all
6:24
Speaker 1: the people who were doing the work to rebuild Greenwood.
6:27
Speaker 1: Getting Vogue magazine to talk about Greenwood felt really cool.
6:32
Speaker 1: So it was special for us, and it was special
6:34
Speaker 1: for our community. And did you guys, either one of
6:37
Speaker 1: you have a tie tell Tulsa. Yeah. Grant is a
6:40
Speaker 1: fifth generation Oklahoma and he grew up in a farming
6:44
Speaker 1: family and their three hours west of Tulsa. And so
6:48
Speaker 1: when we went on our very first trip to visit
6:50
Speaker 1: his family, he was like, Hey, I have these friends
6:52
Speaker 1: working on progressive politics and social justice and Tulsa and
6:57
Speaker 1: do you want to go three hours east of my
6:59
Speaker 1: parents and meet them too? And I was like, I'm
7:01
Speaker 1: going to marry the shit out of this man. Good
7:04
Speaker 1: I do. I want to go meet that whole community.
7:07
Speaker 1: So for the last three years, Tulsa has kind of
7:09
Speaker 1: been our home away from home. Oh cute, that's cool.
7:13
Speaker 1: I'm performing in Tulsa coming up when, oh my god,
7:16
Speaker 1: we'll come. I don't know. I have to look at
7:18
Speaker 1: my calendar, but I know I have a Tulsa, Oklahoma date.
7:21
Speaker 1: Oh great. And I don't think I've ever performed in Tulsa.
7:23
Speaker 1: I've performed Oklahoma City, which is always fun. It's always
7:26
Speaker 1: fun to go to those cities because you just like
7:28
Speaker 1: what you're talking about. There's a whole you know, undercurrent
7:31
Speaker 1: of liberalism. Always to pocket in these cities, and so
7:35
Speaker 1: when you go there and then you meet up with
7:37
Speaker 1: your people, you're like, oh, yeah, this is great. You know,
7:39
Speaker 1: there's like minded at people everywhere, truly, and Tulsa so special,
7:44
Speaker 1: and the sort of richness of the history there and
7:47
Speaker 1: the black history there and the progressive history there and
7:52
Speaker 1: the sort of classic Americana and the music and all
7:54
Speaker 1: the art, and it's just like a really unbelievably beautiful
7:58
Speaker 1: place and it's well, we should probably cover the Tulsa
8:01
Speaker 1: massacre for those of you who are listening who are
8:03
Speaker 1: not familiar with what happened in Tulsa, Sophia, do you
8:06
Speaker 1: want to lead on this? Yeah, So in nineteen twenty one,
8:10
Speaker 1: a case that began very similarly. You know, most people
8:13
Speaker 1: know about the murder of Emmett Till when he was
8:15
Speaker 1: young and accused of whistling at a white woman who
8:19
Speaker 1: happens to still be alive and has never been brought
8:21
Speaker 1: to justice for what she did to that fourteen year
8:23
Speaker 1: old boy. It was the photographs of him that really
8:26
Speaker 1: helped to educate America on what the enactment of racist
8:33
Speaker 1: violence looks like. And Tulsa is as an event the
8:38
Speaker 1: massacre of nineteen twenty one, which was inaccurately called a
8:41
Speaker 1: race riot. You know, they love to call things riots
8:44
Speaker 1: that have harmed at risk communities, and in Tulsa as well,
8:49
Speaker 1: there's so much evidence in terms of not just photographs,
8:52
Speaker 1: but insurance records. We understand the devastation of families, and
8:56
Speaker 1: we understand not only the emotional and graphical impacts, but
9:00
Speaker 1: we understand the financial impacts of those things, which historically
9:04
Speaker 1: in violence against black communities have been harder to prove.
9:07
Speaker 1: It's harder to go back into the eighteen hundreds, for example,
9:11
Speaker 1: and have those conversations. So Tulsa is an interesting place
9:15
Speaker 1: to get educated for the breadth of information that you
9:19
Speaker 1: can gather. And in nineteen twenty one, a young man
9:22
Speaker 1: was accused of attacking a young black man was accused
9:25
Speaker 1: of attacking a white woman in an elevator. Didn't happen.
9:29
Speaker 1: He was then taken to jail, and fathers and men
9:34
Speaker 1: in the black community came to the jail and surrounded
9:36
Speaker 1: it to ensure that this young man was not lynched
9:39
Speaker 1: by white members of the community, who publicly stated that
9:43
Speaker 1: day that they were going to bring a lynch mob
9:45
Speaker 1: to the jail that night. And the men came armed
9:49
Speaker 1: both sides did. It turned into a pretty violent situation
9:54
Speaker 1: very quickly. And the really arresting thing to understand about
9:59
Speaker 1: Tulsa is that, with the support of the National Guard,
10:02
Speaker 1: white citizens were deputized as sheriff's deputies on the spot
10:07
Speaker 1: and they murdered hundreds of black families. They got farmers
10:13
Speaker 1: who had planes for crop dusting up in the air
10:16
Speaker 1: and firebombed Greenwood. And many of the people who have
10:20
Speaker 1: seen the Watchman or who have looked into this, know
10:24
Speaker 1: the corner of Greenwood and Archer, and they think, like
10:26
Speaker 1: that was Blackwall Street, that street was Blackwall Street. But
10:29
Speaker 1: Blackwall Street was a neighborhood that was forty square blocks
10:33
Speaker 1: in a city forty blocks by forty blocks, and the
10:36
Speaker 1: entire thing was burned to the ground. Hotels and doctors
10:40
Speaker 1: offices and movie theaters and car dealerships. This was the
10:43
Speaker 1: wealthiest black community in America. There were multi millionaires in
10:47
Speaker 1: nineteen twenty one in Tulsa, in Greenwood, and people didn't
10:52
Speaker 1: like it. They didn't like the success of a community
10:56
Speaker 1: that they had been trying to oppress for so long.
10:58
Speaker 1: And it is one of the most gregious violent acts
11:02
Speaker 1: that has been recorded in our nation's history, and it's heavy.
11:07
Speaker 1: It's not lost on me, and it certainly was not
11:09
Speaker 1: lost on my husband and I that in a moment
11:12
Speaker 1: where we see so many people like Ding Dong, Ron
11:15
Speaker 1: DeSantis and every other asshole chatting on Fox News trying
11:18
Speaker 1: to literally ban our history. We know survivors of the
11:22
Speaker 1: race massacre. There are still living survivors of this massacre
11:25
Speaker 1: in nineteen twenty one, and if we don't learn our history,
11:30
Speaker 1: we're not going to see it coming when it begins
11:32
Speaker 1: to repeat itself. And so for us, it felt really
11:36
Speaker 1: important to have our big beautiful day on a Saturday.
11:40
Speaker 1: But ask all the people who know us, it's like, look,
11:42
Speaker 1: you're gonna you're coming to the wedding of your favorite
11:44
Speaker 1: activist friend and her former public school teacher husband. Like
11:48
Speaker 1: you're gonna do some homework. And so we did this big,
11:50
Speaker 1: beautiful museum day and toured through Greenwood and met with
11:54
Speaker 1: the Crutcher Foundation. And I have to just say thank
11:57
Speaker 1: you to everyone in Tulsa, because when I said to
12:00
Speaker 1: doctor Krutcher, who works on these justice issues every day,
12:03
Speaker 1: like can I bring two hundred people to your office?
12:06
Speaker 1: She was like what sure, okay, And so we literally
12:11
Speaker 1: split everyone into these four groups to fifty and we
12:13
Speaker 1: rotated people through Greenwood all day. Wow, people time to process,
12:19
Speaker 1: and they've been to museums and journalists offices and the
12:22
Speaker 1: Greenwood Cultural Center and the John Hope Reconciliation Park and
12:26
Speaker 1: some people needed to cry and some people needed to
12:28
Speaker 1: talk about it. And we rented out a bar and
12:30
Speaker 1: we were like, do whatever you feel like you need
12:32
Speaker 1: to do, have a beer when you go home, when
12:36
Speaker 1: you talk about our wedding, please tell this story because like,
12:39
Speaker 1: plenty of people get married, but we need to make
12:42
Speaker 1: sure that this is a story that doesn't get you
12:45
Speaker 1: pulled off the bookshelves and schools like we're seeing now, Wow,
12:50
Speaker 1: that's so beautiful. It was gnarly, like a lot of
12:52
Speaker 1: people cried. But what's been beautiful about it, And what
12:56
Speaker 1: I find so special is I you know, I know
12:58
Speaker 1: it can be painful to look back at history like this.
13:01
Speaker 1: It's painful for communities, and it's hard to know that
13:05
Speaker 1: we come from humans that do this to each other, right,
13:09
Speaker 1: But what always gives me hope when I learn hard
13:12
Speaker 1: history is the people that are helping now. So it
13:16
Speaker 1: felt special to say you need to know about this,
13:19
Speaker 1: And here's all the people who have rebuilt a community
13:22
Speaker 1: from the ground and are continuing to do so. When
13:25
Speaker 1: you want to know what to do about things that
13:26
Speaker 1: are this hard, look to these people and support their work.
13:30
Speaker 1: And that's where the inspiration comes, and that's where the
13:32
Speaker 1: joy comes. And that's where like the beauty out of
13:36
Speaker 1: things that were so ugly in the past, I think
13:39
Speaker 1: comes in the present. And I'll be forever grateful that
13:43
Speaker 1: that whole community said absolutely, tell us who you want
13:46
Speaker 1: to bring, and tell us what you want to want
13:48
Speaker 1: them to learn about and the best people I know. Well,
13:51
Speaker 1: it's also nice to be married to somebody who's so
13:53
Speaker 1: aligned with your political leanings right and human Well, you're
13:58
Speaker 1: passion for human rights is probably a better way to
14:01
Speaker 1: describe it, because it's been past as politics and it's
14:04
Speaker 1: not political, but it has somehow has become political. Your body,
14:08
Speaker 1: your race, all of it. So, yeah, tell me about
14:11
Speaker 1: that like kind of relationship having somebody who's totally on
14:14
Speaker 1: the same page as you, because I don't know, I've
14:18
Speaker 1: never really felt completely aligned with that person that I
14:21
Speaker 1: was dating politically, like we might have some of the
14:24
Speaker 1: same beliefs but still there's a lot of disagreement. Yeah,
14:28
Speaker 1: I get that. I think what you first said is
14:30
Speaker 1: really important, right, This idea that people deserve to be
14:34
Speaker 1: treated equally shouldn't be political, the idea that whether you
14:39
Speaker 1: are a woman or you are a member of a
14:41
Speaker 1: historically repressed community, you're not supposed to just be there
14:46
Speaker 1: to serve the ruling class. We don't live in the
14:48
Speaker 1: French aristocracy, and yet there's a lot of folks in
14:52
Speaker 1: our country who love a modern day aristocracy because they
14:55
Speaker 1: get really, really rich. And the lol to me is
14:58
Speaker 1: always that they're the people who yell at us for
15:00
Speaker 1: being rich. And I'm like, I'm paying a thirty year
15:02
Speaker 1: mortgage on my house, Like having had a down payment
15:05
Speaker 1: is certainly a privilege. But Tucker Carlson is so rich,
15:09
Speaker 1: Like that guy makes forty six million dollars a year
15:11
Speaker 1: and he's yelling at us. You know, we're out here
15:14
Speaker 1: like making independent movies for a dollar. I'm like, oh,
15:16
Speaker 1: fund yourself, dude. So it's not lost on me. I
15:19
Speaker 1: won't ever say a bad word about Tucker Carlson. So
15:22
Speaker 1: don't try, Sophia. I know, I know, Chelsea, You're just
15:27
Speaker 1: you're a classier broad than I. But um, you know,
15:31
Speaker 1: it's not lost on me that people make money off
15:34
Speaker 1: convincing the populace that our basic human rights are political.
15:41
Speaker 1: And I think because things have gotten so hot, like
15:45
Speaker 1: the pot is boiling right, everybody's real jumpy and people
15:49
Speaker 1: feel like their identity is tied to politics. I don't
15:51
Speaker 1: feel like that. I just feel like I'm not a
15:54
Speaker 1: ding dong who doesn't get that equal is equal and
15:57
Speaker 1: inequal isn't. And so that's sort of my first place.
16:02
Speaker 1: And I will say it is hard to find a partner,
16:07
Speaker 1: regardless of how progressive so many of the men we
16:11
Speaker 1: know are. You know, if you're looking for a heterosexual relationship,
16:15
Speaker 1: a lot of guys are like, yeah, I'm all in.
16:18
Speaker 1: But then when it's their girl that's the bright, shiny one,
16:23
Speaker 1: or their girls the one who draws the attention, or
16:25
Speaker 1: their girls the reason they get invited to the White House,
16:27
Speaker 1: or their girl makes more money than them, suddenly what
16:30
Speaker 1: they say they believe in is egotistically very difficult. And
16:35
Speaker 1: so what I think is really important is for me,
16:38
Speaker 1: at least having found a human being who had entered
16:43
Speaker 1: a stage in his life where he said, okay, I'm
16:46
Speaker 1: saying I want to meet the woman of my dreams?
16:49
Speaker 1: Where am I not aligned with what I say? But
16:52
Speaker 1: he had to confront some things, and so did I.
16:54
Speaker 1: I had to. He had to confront the ways in
16:57
Speaker 1: which he could actually tabolize what masculinity and patriarchy does
17:04
Speaker 1: in relationships, even unconsciously. For someone as evolved as he is,
17:08
Speaker 1: who has three master's degrees and loves the environment and
17:11
Speaker 1: was a teacher and all the stuff. He had to
17:14
Speaker 1: really do some inquiry about the way society kind of
17:17
Speaker 1: steeps us in these teas that are gross. And I
17:21
Speaker 1: had to do some real inquiry and go, oh, I've
17:25
Speaker 1: been in relationships with people who didn't deserve me. It's
17:28
Speaker 1: been my fault because I've tolerated somebody's ineptitude and competitiveness.
17:33
Speaker 1: So as much as past relationships and certain circumstances were trash,
17:38
Speaker 1: I took trash home with me. So you two fault
17:41
Speaker 1: system here. And I had to really get clear on
17:45
Speaker 1: where I was going to realign my boundaries. And I
17:48
Speaker 1: also had to get clear on how those experiences and
17:52
Speaker 1: other traumas I'd been through had made me really hard
17:58
Speaker 1: and I don't mean hard to be around. I mean
18:00
Speaker 1: hard to like, emotionally penetrate. I was going to say
18:03
Speaker 1: hard to penetrate. I'm like, what emotionally panget like hard
18:09
Speaker 1: to get into the heart all the way, I've had
18:11
Speaker 1: such walls, and I have such healthy emotional relationships with
18:15
Speaker 1: my friends. My platonic relationships are so loving that I
18:19
Speaker 1: was kind of like, I'm good and I had to
18:22
Speaker 1: really do some work on getting vulnerable in a way
18:27
Speaker 1: where I could not only have a rallying cry for us,
18:30
Speaker 1: for community, for justice, but I could also gently cry
18:33
Speaker 1: and say this is really hard for me. I need help.
18:36
Speaker 1: This is where I need support. This is where I
18:38
Speaker 1: normally isolate and say fuck you don't. I don't need
18:42
Speaker 1: you to carry that for me. And now I'm like,
18:43
Speaker 1: will you please just put my bag in the overhead
18:45
Speaker 1: been I'm so tired and so in a way, we
18:49
Speaker 1: had to meet on so many levels, and interestingly, in
18:53
Speaker 1: analyzing how society affects relationships between men and women, I
18:58
Speaker 1: think it made it so clear that the community politics
19:01
Speaker 1: that we believe in was like, for sure the easiest part.
19:05
Speaker 1: Dealing with your own internal individual psychosis is way harder,
19:09
Speaker 1: at least in my recent experience than aligning with somebody politically,
19:15
Speaker 1: because every dingdong they tried to date me that then
19:17
Speaker 1: was like mad about female success. I was just like, bye, Yeah,
19:22
Speaker 1: it's very true what you say about how people say
19:24
Speaker 1: they're one thing and they're down with it and they're
19:26
Speaker 1: you know, with it, and they're supportive of women, and
19:28
Speaker 1: then it becomes a totally different story when you come
19:31
Speaker 1: face to face with it in like a romantic relationship. Yeah,
19:34
Speaker 1: And I wonder about this for somebody like you, because
19:37
Speaker 1: you are one of the most successful women in our industry.
19:40
Speaker 1: You are brilliant, you are you're always the funniest person
19:44
Speaker 1: in the room, which has to be hard for people
19:46
Speaker 1: who like to be funny. And you have not only
19:49
Speaker 1: always been at this level of success, but you've also
19:53
Speaker 1: so publicly shown what it's like to continue evolving and
19:57
Speaker 1: growing and getting like qushier and more tender, and your
20:03
Speaker 1: political lessons you learn out loud and in public, which
20:06
Speaker 1: is such a beautiful model for people. And like, sometimes
20:09
Speaker 1: I think about it when when men are obsessed with
20:12
Speaker 1: you as most of them are, where I'm like, you
20:14
Speaker 1: knew exactly what you were getting into, Like that's Chelsea
20:16
Speaker 1: fucking handler. Nothing is a surprise. I know. It's like
20:19
Speaker 1: there are six books about it, so if I could
20:21
Speaker 1: pick one up and it'll cover all your bases. She's badass.
20:24
Speaker 1: She's this person. Did you think at home she was
20:28
Speaker 1: going to be like, oh honey, sweetie baby, what can
20:30
Speaker 1: I do for your feet? My apron on all of
20:33
Speaker 1: a sudden, I'm just like living two parallel lives. Okay,
20:37
Speaker 1: So Sophia, well thank you for those accolades. I feel
20:40
Speaker 1: the same way about you. You're always constantly learning and
20:42
Speaker 1: evolving and sharing, and you're brilliant. You're so fucking smart.
20:46
Speaker 1: I remember the first time I hung out with you,
20:48
Speaker 1: and I think it was Connie Britten was with us
20:50
Speaker 1: and then Cindy leave. Not the first time, but one
20:53
Speaker 1: of the times we respect together. I was when Connie
20:55
Speaker 1: and I were driving home and I was like, fuck,
20:57
Speaker 1: she's smart. I was like, she is Mark. And it's
21:01
Speaker 1: not I mean not to put everyone else in this
21:03
Speaker 1: industry down, but it's just always really encouraging when you
21:06
Speaker 1: sit down next to somebody at a Hollywood event and
21:08
Speaker 1: you're like blown away, you know, So there's that. Anyway,
21:12
Speaker 1: what we're gonna do is we have live callers calling
21:15
Speaker 1: in or writing in, and we're just going to tell
21:17
Speaker 1: them what to do with their lives. Okay, Sophie. I
21:19
Speaker 1: think we're totally both very well equipped for this partnership today. Absolutely.
21:24
Speaker 1: I'm the multiple degrees I have in psychology. No, I
21:27
Speaker 1: don't make me profied for this. I'm self certified, which
21:31
Speaker 1: is much different than a degree, a certification. I'm like
21:35
Speaker 1: a masseuse, a massage therapist. And then someone goes, where'd
21:39
Speaker 1: you train? And you're like on people University of Phoenix,
21:43
Speaker 1: Like Malcolm Gladwell has that whole ten thousand hours theory right,
21:46
Speaker 1: and I'm like, well, ten thousand hours of like therapy
21:49
Speaker 1: and psychedelic therapies and the retreats I've done and the
21:52
Speaker 1: places I've gone, and I have to be a professional
21:55
Speaker 1: at this by now. Yeah. I agree with that. Yeah,
21:58
Speaker 1: And I think I don't even think it needs you
22:00
Speaker 1: need ten thousand hours. I think things, if you're smart enough,
22:02
Speaker 1: I think you need half that time. Perfect. Okay, Katherine,
22:09
Speaker 1: what do we have in stir Oh? First we'll take
22:10
Speaker 1: a quick break and then we're gonna come right back. Okay,
22:18
Speaker 1: and we're back, Yes we are. I actually have a
22:21
Speaker 1: perfect question for the conversation we've just been having. It
22:24
Speaker 1: was question number four and now it's jumping to number one.
22:27
Speaker 1: But this is like the top forty, It's like Saturday
22:30
Speaker 1: Afternoons with Casey Kasum. Yes, so this is from back,
22:36
Speaker 1: the singer the same question, right, Just be easy. It's
22:41
Speaker 1: a back I probably is okay. I would be thrilled
22:45
Speaker 1: to give advice to back to back, but I would
22:48
Speaker 1: exchange it for performed songs. Be like every every question
22:52
Speaker 1: is a song. Well be a concert anyway, you railed
22:56
Speaker 1: the conversation album concert. What what does Beck be easy
23:00
Speaker 1: see want to know from us? So, Beck says, Dear Chelsea.
23:05
Speaker 1: First off, I'm a huge fan of the show and
23:07
Speaker 1: have listened regularly since day one. You guys keep me
23:09
Speaker 1: accountable and encourage me to try and grow. Here's my problem.
23:13
Speaker 1: I'm in a long term relationship with a man who
23:15
Speaker 1: has only in the last year or so started to
23:18
Speaker 1: share worrying opinions. We have one six month old baby
23:22
Speaker 1: together and another on the way. Whoopsie doodle. That's pretty quick,
23:27
Speaker 1: which makes it hard to know what is the right
23:28
Speaker 1: thing to do in this situation. My partner recently has
23:32
Speaker 1: started to openly and overtly express his opinions on an
23:36
Speaker 1: array of different groups and conspiracies of late think Jordan
23:39
Speaker 1: Peterson think, Russell Brand COVID is a hoax, women are
23:43
Speaker 1: out for blood, the world is ending. Russia are the
23:45
Speaker 1: good guys today? He said something along the lines of
23:48
Speaker 1: today's woke agenda is so mortifying. It's all just a
23:51
Speaker 1: group of white women acting marginalized and campaigning for people
23:55
Speaker 1: who don't want their help. I bite my tongue most
23:58
Speaker 1: of the time because these conversations always go nowhere, and
24:01
Speaker 1: he's not open to hearing my counter argument. He spends
24:04
Speaker 1: all his time on YouTube, watching alien conspiracy videos and
24:07
Speaker 1: thinking he's smarter than everyone else. This is not the
24:10
Speaker 1: man I originally started a relationship with, or even the
24:13
Speaker 1: man I planned to have children with. He seems to
24:16
Speaker 1: be going deeper and deeper into his way of thinking
24:18
Speaker 1: at an alarming rate. What the fuck do I do?
24:22
Speaker 1: Thanks back, yaikes? That is not a good situation, is no.
24:29
Speaker 1: I mean you're gonna have to skidattle unfortunately. I mean
24:33
Speaker 1: you can't reason with somebody. Anybody who's reading conspiracy theories
24:36
Speaker 1: online is gone. They've left the building, and it's not
24:41
Speaker 1: your job to get them back. I mean, I'm really
24:43
Speaker 1: sorry to hear well. I mean I'm happy. I'm sure
24:45
Speaker 1: you are happy that you have your daughter and then
24:47
Speaker 1: you have one on the way or I'm sorry, I
24:49
Speaker 1: don't know if it was a daughter or son. I
24:50
Speaker 1: missed that part. But you have one child and you've
24:53
Speaker 1: one on the way. I understand how difficult this is
24:55
Speaker 1: going to be, but you're going to be a champion
24:57
Speaker 1: if you just get yourself out of this situation. Because
25:00
Speaker 1: if you can't listen to your point of view and
25:02
Speaker 1: you're not having this is such a big huge sign
25:05
Speaker 1: for you to get out and explain to him that
25:08
Speaker 1: you can't be with somebody who's reading make it up
25:10
Speaker 1: stories on the internet, like the least likely scenario is
25:14
Speaker 1: the least likely scenario. So anyone who doesn't have the
25:18
Speaker 1: gift of critical thinking or has learned about that and
25:22
Speaker 1: how to understand what's true and what's not, that's not
25:25
Speaker 1: somebody that you want, even around your children. So you
25:28
Speaker 1: immediately have to like draw a line in the sand
25:30
Speaker 1: and let him know this is a unacceptable. I'm not
25:32
Speaker 1: down with this. You're scaring me. And if you're not
25:35
Speaker 1: going to like do something about it and actually get
25:37
Speaker 1: some help, or be open minded to my opinions and
25:41
Speaker 1: actually have real conversations, which is just too far gone anyway,
25:45
Speaker 1: he's already wrapped up in his nonsense. I think you
25:48
Speaker 1: just got to get out of there, Sophia. Yeah, I mean,
25:52
Speaker 1: I don't know how you come back from it. You know,
25:55
Speaker 1: I understand there is a toxicity in those algorithms where
25:59
Speaker 1: when you start to look, suddenly that's all you see.
26:02
Speaker 1: And I think it's important to understand that it is
26:05
Speaker 1: being under an influence. It's like this guy's doing heroin.
26:09
Speaker 1: Conspiracy theories are a drug and they are designed to
26:14
Speaker 1: make you addicted, and the psychology of them, if you
26:17
Speaker 1: do any light study, proves that the way they work
26:20
Speaker 1: is they make people feel special because they get to
26:23
Speaker 1: say I know something you don't know. I have the
26:25
Speaker 1: information you haven't found yet. It's not grounded in reality.
26:30
Speaker 1: Something that I have found really helpful recently. I've been
26:34
Speaker 1: very horrified to learn that someone who I have loved
26:36
Speaker 1: for a very long time has gotten on the edges,
26:39
Speaker 1: sucked into the Jordan Peterson world. And the thing that
26:43
Speaker 1: I saw get through it wasn't saying Jordan Peterson defends rapists,
26:48
Speaker 1: defends the sex trafficking of children. He believes Andrew Tate
26:51
Speaker 1: is a good guy. He is a misogynist in a suit.
26:55
Speaker 1: He's like a guy who beats his wife dressed up
26:58
Speaker 1: like a college professor. Jordan Peterson is none of that cracked.
27:02
Speaker 1: But when I said so, the generations of global study
27:07
Speaker 1: about equity aren't swaying you. But this one guy who's
27:11
Speaker 1: speaking in a way that you think is deep, who
27:14
Speaker 1: charges forty ninety nine a month to teach you how
27:17
Speaker 1: to be a man, seems like the guy, the guy
27:20
Speaker 1: with all the answers, makes you pay him to give
27:22
Speaker 1: them to you. It's just like Tucker Carlson. He makes
27:25
Speaker 1: forty six million dollars a year to lie. And just
27:28
Speaker 1: this week all those text messages were published about him
27:31
Speaker 1: making fun of Donald Trump and making fun of Rudy
27:33
Speaker 1: Giuliani and calling them all a bunch of lunatics and
27:36
Speaker 1: saying there was no voter fraud and they all knew
27:38
Speaker 1: from the beginning, but they pushed the lies on Fox
27:41
Speaker 1: News because they made money. People are taking brains like
27:45
Speaker 1: this woman Beck's husband's hostage for profit. And if that
27:51
Speaker 1: truth can't give him just enough of a coldwater shock,
27:55
Speaker 1: so look elsewhere. Then, you know, to Chelsea's point, he's
27:59
Speaker 1: way too far are gone and it's heartbreaking and I
28:02
Speaker 1: can't imagine having to leave the person who I thought
28:05
Speaker 1: was the love of my life. But I wouldn't let
28:07
Speaker 1: a heroin addict around my children. And that's what these
28:10
Speaker 1: conspiracy theories amen to. That. Yeah, there is no reasoning
28:14
Speaker 1: your way out of it. I think if he'll agree to,
28:17
Speaker 1: like find some counseling with you, or maybe you just
28:19
Speaker 1: need to talk to a therapist by yourself, because my
28:22
Speaker 1: guesses seems probably gonna say no, you could try that,
28:25
Speaker 1: but it does sound like there is an exit in
28:28
Speaker 1: your future. Back yeah, and pick up some bone broth
28:31
Speaker 1: on the way. I mean, Sophia is drinking it and
28:34
Speaker 1: she's as sharp as attack, so I have heard lots
28:37
Speaker 1: of good things about it. Did you make that yourself?
28:40
Speaker 1: Because it looks like iced coffee? Like it's that isn't
28:43
Speaker 1: thick and unctious? I make my owne. I make my
28:48
Speaker 1: own too. I did not make because it's been a
28:51
Speaker 1: crazy week. So I did the bougiel A thing and
28:54
Speaker 1: I went to Rowan and I was like cooking, maybe in.
28:56
Speaker 1: One of them paid nine for expensive chart. So yeah,
29:02
Speaker 1: on Monday, I'll be making more of my own because
29:05
Speaker 1: you have to pay. Like I said earlier, Yeah, people
29:07
Speaker 1: are always shocked. So they opened up my freezer like
29:10
Speaker 1: why are there just a bunch of bones in here? Yeah?
29:13
Speaker 1: I keep mine in a paper bag in the freezer
29:15
Speaker 1: because it's less upsetting to the people who well come
29:19
Speaker 1: over me and the people who often come over here.
29:22
Speaker 1: I realized the like gallon ziplock was a little traumatizing,
29:26
Speaker 1: So now it goes in a brown paper bag and
29:28
Speaker 1: nobody has to know what's in there but me. Yes exactly.
29:32
Speaker 1: People were like, what'd you get your husband for your wedding?
29:34
Speaker 1: I'm like a bag of bonds. I don't know what
29:39
Speaker 1: I would do a poor one. I know, well, I
29:42
Speaker 1: mean I just don't understand how someone how long could
29:45
Speaker 1: they have been they've had to been together or at
29:46
Speaker 1: least over a year, and how does somebody keep their
29:50
Speaker 1: opinions like that. I once had a boyfriend who blurted
29:52
Speaker 1: out something. We were going to lunch and I had
29:55
Speaker 1: dated him for a while and he hadn't said he
29:57
Speaker 1: wasn't really into politics, but like he didn't really know
30:00
Speaker 1: what he was talking about about anything, but he never
30:02
Speaker 1: spoke about them, so it wasn't that upsetting, right. But
30:05
Speaker 1: then once we were at lunch and he goes, God,
30:07
Speaker 1: this fucking Bill Gates guy running everybody's healthcare into the ground.
30:11
Speaker 1: Why does he get to be like the health czar
30:13
Speaker 1: for America? And I remember going, what, what what are
30:17
Speaker 1: you talking about? He's like, why is everybody listening to
30:19
Speaker 1: Bill Gates? And just went on this Bill Gates And
30:22
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, you've read you're listening to people
30:24
Speaker 1: who talk about conspiracy theories. But it's it's insidious, like
30:29
Speaker 1: there there is a person in my life who like
30:31
Speaker 1: is not conservative, and you know, they're very us dauntily independent,
30:36
Speaker 1: they vote with who they like, but every once in
30:39
Speaker 1: a while something will slip out of their mouth that's
30:42
Speaker 1: like a little little duds over there, you know, and
30:47
Speaker 1: it's just like it's in it's insidious, like some of
30:50
Speaker 1: these ideas are woven through like actual journalism and sneaks
30:55
Speaker 1: in there sometimes depending on what you're reading. You know,
30:57
Speaker 1: what's interesting to me that I'm just from and bring
31:00
Speaker 1: about what she said, this notion that her husband is
31:04
Speaker 1: parroting the now progressive politics is just white women supporting
31:09
Speaker 1: people who don't want their support. I'm like, oh, you
31:11
Speaker 1: can't read between the lines at the deep patriarchy and that,
31:15
Speaker 1: because what the nightmare of the conservative white man is
31:19
Speaker 1: is that the women they want to marry who look
31:22
Speaker 1: like the three of us, get over their bullshit and
31:25
Speaker 1: we join up with all the people they've been oppressing forever.
31:29
Speaker 1: So now they're like, no, no, no, don't don't let
31:32
Speaker 1: those white women come and listen in your rooms. Oh no.
31:34
Speaker 1: And I'm like, are you worried that so many of
31:37
Speaker 1: us are going and paying attention or you know what
31:40
Speaker 1: I mean. It's such a tactic. It's like separating communities,
31:44
Speaker 1: pitting different communities against each other. And it's been so
31:46
Speaker 1: beautiful this year and this past year, I guess is
31:49
Speaker 1: more accurate in the wake of all this horrible community
31:52
Speaker 1: violence to see groups coming together, like Black and Asian
31:56
Speaker 1: communities advocating alongside each other, Christian and Jewish community. He's
32:00
Speaker 1: advocating alongside each other historically separated groups saying no, no, no, no,
32:04
Speaker 1: we're not going to fall into those tropes. And it's
32:07
Speaker 1: not lost on me that the conspiracy theorists want to
32:10
Speaker 1: pooh poo groups of people coming together because they know
32:14
Speaker 1: that the sum total of all of us is so
32:16
Speaker 1: many more than just what's left of them, and they're
32:20
Speaker 1: still afraid. Yeah. Our next question comes from Kristen Dear Chelsea.
32:28
Speaker 1: My husband had a heart attack and passed February of
32:31
Speaker 1: twenty twenty two. COVID played a role in his death.
32:34
Speaker 1: I'm thirty five and he was only forty two. I
32:38
Speaker 1: currently live on the East Coast. Our dream was to
32:40
Speaker 1: head west and we were in the process of figuring
32:43
Speaker 1: out our next journey there. I'm coming up to the
32:45
Speaker 1: one year anniversary of his death. I'm going to Denver
32:48
Speaker 1: to celebrate his life instead of sit in my apartment.
32:50
Speaker 1: That's just two miles away from the hospital where he passed. Also,
32:54
Speaker 1: I'm a firm believer that being in high altitude will
32:57
Speaker 1: heal anything. I need advice as far as where to move.
33:01
Speaker 1: I've been to California. I'm about to go to Denver,
33:04
Speaker 1: and I'm very in tune with myself. I go to
33:06
Speaker 1: mediums often. I'm a very spiritual person, but it's really
33:09
Speaker 1: hard to figure out what the right move is. I
33:11
Speaker 1: can't rebuild where I lived with him. Everything I see
33:14
Speaker 1: is him. I need to go where we haven't been together.
33:17
Speaker 1: I need to go where I have a blank canvas.
33:19
Speaker 1: I just don't know where. Kristin Cushman, Hi, Kristen, Hi.
33:24
Speaker 1: We have Sophia Bush today as our special guest. So
33:27
Speaker 1: say hello to Sophia. It's nice to meet you. Oh,
33:30
Speaker 1: nice to meet you. Thank you for your letter. And
33:33
Speaker 1: I know we're all just so sorry for your loss.
33:36
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you. You have great brown hair. I'm
33:38
Speaker 1: a huge fan of it. We have lots of hair
33:42
Speaker 1: colors represented on this zoom girls, all of the body,
33:46
Speaker 1: I'm sure. So how are you feeling a year out
33:49
Speaker 1: of this? How are you mentally, emotionally, physically, psychologically? All
33:54
Speaker 1: great questions. So I first went to California for his
33:58
Speaker 1: birthday in December. He passed February twenty twenty two. That
34:02
Speaker 1: was magical. I found peace, I found happiness again. I
34:05
Speaker 1: could feel him there. Then I was like, you know what,
34:08
Speaker 1: let me go to Denver. We've both never been to Denver.
34:10
Speaker 1: Let me go have a week out there. And Denver
34:14
Speaker 1: was everything that I thought it wasn't going to be.
34:16
Speaker 1: I was not ready for Denver like Denver I thought
34:20
Speaker 1: I was a free person, and I thought I was
34:22
Speaker 1: very spiritual. I looked like a goddamn Republican. I was like,
34:27
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, okay, so Denver. It made Raleigh
34:33
Speaker 1: feel more like home. It made me realize it's not
34:35
Speaker 1: a location. So how are you feeling about moving now?
34:38
Speaker 1: Is that out the window or are you still considering it?
34:42
Speaker 1: You know, I am still open to it. It's hard
34:44
Speaker 1: to find the right location because very in tuned with
34:47
Speaker 1: myself energy is really important. Finding people who say the
34:51
Speaker 1: right things instead of like, oh, I just can't imagine
34:54
Speaker 1: what that feels like. It's like you can't imagine. You
34:56
Speaker 1: just don't want to imagine it. You know, it's like
34:57
Speaker 1: that's not the right thing to say. You could say
34:59
Speaker 1: something like I know you're not okay, and then that
35:02
Speaker 1: will make someone relax because then you're validating them, you know,
35:05
Speaker 1: like trying to find places where people would understand me more,
35:09
Speaker 1: or stop trying to find places when someone's in grief,
35:12
Speaker 1: of displaying how good it you are for showing up
35:15
Speaker 1: for them instead of just listening. You know, a lot
35:18
Speaker 1: of people are trying to like show you I'm here
35:21
Speaker 1: for you and this is how good I am in
35:24
Speaker 1: this situation, it's like, it's not about you, it's about
35:26
Speaker 1: the person grieving. But I also think you just answer
35:29
Speaker 1: that question for yourself. At the beginning of this call,
35:31
Speaker 1: you said, I realize it's not a location anymore, it's
35:34
Speaker 1: an energy, and that he's going to be wherever you go.
35:37
Speaker 1: It's just about you finding peace. So that's why I'm
35:41
Speaker 1: still curious you still feel as passionately about moving as
35:44
Speaker 1: you did before. I do, I really do, Okay, I
35:48
Speaker 1: know I can feel it. I'm supposed to. And the
35:51
Speaker 1: thing is, I think if you're on the precipice and
35:53
Speaker 1: you feel the next chapter coming, then you just have
35:56
Speaker 1: to go with that feeling. That's what you know. You
35:59
Speaker 1: can't know what place is going to be right for
36:01
Speaker 1: you until you give it a shot. But what do
36:04
Speaker 1: know is that you want to go. And we live
36:07
Speaker 1: in this moment that if we were in our mom's generation,
36:11
Speaker 1: it would have been so much harder for us to
36:12
Speaker 1: pick up and move. We're the airbnb kids. You can
36:16
Speaker 1: go anywhere for six weeks and rent an apartment or
36:19
Speaker 1: a house, no strings attached. Who cares? So go to
36:23
Speaker 1: Denver and see and then I don't know, go to
36:26
Speaker 1: San Jose and like hike in the Redwoods every weekend
36:29
Speaker 1: in California. Do whatever you and your work enables you
36:33
Speaker 1: to do. I'm assuming if you're moving you can either
36:35
Speaker 1: work remote or there's a plan. So if you have
36:38
Speaker 1: the good fortune in terms of geography to be able
36:42
Speaker 1: to move around, go explore and to your point, see
36:47
Speaker 1: what place offers you the hikes that you want. See
36:51
Speaker 1: what place you feel him in your ear when you're
36:54
Speaker 1: out walking in the morning. See what place you meet
36:57
Speaker 1: people who feel like the kind of people you want
36:59
Speaker 1: to break bread with at the coffee shop. You're in
37:02
Speaker 1: a moment of depth. Not everyone you meet is going
37:05
Speaker 1: to meet you in that kind of depth, but when
37:07
Speaker 1: they do, you're going to be able to go, all right,
37:10
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get out of my short term thing here
37:12
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna look for an apartment that I'm going
37:14
Speaker 1: to sign like a year lease on and that's probably
37:17
Speaker 1: gonna feel amazing. Yeah, but you have to experience it
37:20
Speaker 1: before you know where it is. You have a good
37:22
Speaker 1: community where you are. I have joined a word a
37:25
Speaker 1: group since he died, and I call them my widows.
37:29
Speaker 1: They don't fuck around. They listen to me. I'm telling
37:31
Speaker 1: you right now, like they are sixty five and they
37:34
Speaker 1: get down and they tell me all about it. I'm like, okay, okay,
37:37
Speaker 1: Like they are perful and I'm a comic here. I
37:41
Speaker 1: have a great The community, the comedy community in Raleigh,
37:46
Speaker 1: North Carolina, is it's very strong. It's a very strong community. Yeah,
37:51
Speaker 1: it sounds like you're pretty good with your own intuition
37:54
Speaker 1: as well. First of all, comedy is the best doing
37:56
Speaker 1: stand up is like the best outlet possible for you,
37:58
Speaker 1: you know, in this moment especially and during this time.
38:02
Speaker 1: So if there's no rush for you to leave, like
38:04
Speaker 1: it sounds like you are attuned and in tuned with
38:07
Speaker 1: yourself and with like what is right for you. So
38:09
Speaker 1: I wouldn't put your pressure on it to make the decision.
38:12
Speaker 1: I think you're gonna you have a pretty good grip
38:13
Speaker 1: on what's what is right for you, and then you're
38:16
Speaker 1: going to handle that with a plum. I would just
38:18
Speaker 1: trust yourself a little bit, like you you're gonna know
38:20
Speaker 1: when it's time to go. You're in a good space.
38:23
Speaker 1: You seem like you're you've got a total handle on
38:25
Speaker 1: the situation and you're handling everything in the right amount
38:27
Speaker 1: of time. So I think you're coming into what you're
38:30
Speaker 1: going to be doing permanently through this grief, and the
38:35
Speaker 1: only way out is through. That's correct. There's no way
38:39
Speaker 1: to jump to the end. So to Chelsea's point, you
38:44
Speaker 1: are making something. You can't rush it. You're the experience
38:49
Speaker 1: and you're gonna You're gonna get to the end of
38:52
Speaker 1: that road, to the last page of that book only
38:55
Speaker 1: when you write all the pages of the book that
38:57
Speaker 1: come before it. It allows me to not suppress the grief.
39:01
Speaker 1: It allows me when I get anxious, I know I
39:04
Speaker 1: need to cry. And that's a very strong woman. It's
39:07
Speaker 1: hard for me to ask help, so it's hard for
39:10
Speaker 1: me to let myself feel the feelings I need to feel.
39:13
Speaker 1: So when I feel anxious, I'm like, just cry, just cry,
39:15
Speaker 1: just let it out. And I start writing. And I
39:17
Speaker 1: know it's unique to be my agent to be a widow.
39:20
Speaker 1: And he was really young too, and I know if
39:22
Speaker 1: I didn't do something with that, I would be doing
39:24
Speaker 1: a dishonor to him. So we'll keep us posted and
39:28
Speaker 1: let us know what you do, decide where you end
39:30
Speaker 1: up going, and you know all that good stuff. Yeah, yeah,
39:34
Speaker 1: all right, you guys taking here all right, We're rooting
39:36
Speaker 1: for you. Thanks Kristen, thank you. Bye. All right, Well,
39:41
Speaker 1: this question is from Sarah. Sarah says, Dear Chelsea, what's
39:46
Speaker 1: considered a sugar daddy and why are there's so many
39:49
Speaker 1: opinions about it. I'm Sarah, thirty two years old, and
39:52
Speaker 1: according to my friends, I have one of these so
39:54
Speaker 1: called sugar daddies. To give a little background, I was
39:58
Speaker 1: raised with my three siblings by or loving single mother.
40:01
Speaker 1: My father was a deadbeat, so I have the typical
40:03
Speaker 1: daddy issues people associate with that. When I was twenty
40:07
Speaker 1: in a Florida college, I met an older man the
40:09
Speaker 1: age of my father at my apartment complex. We became
40:12
Speaker 1: fast friends in a short amount of time and started
40:15
Speaker 1: going to lunch and dinners together. He always paid, and
40:18
Speaker 1: he started taking me shopping and paying for my car,
40:21
Speaker 1: oil changes, etc. When I moved across the country, he
40:24
Speaker 1: gifted me five thousand dollars to help me get started.
40:27
Speaker 1: We talk or text daily or at least every few days,
40:30
Speaker 1: and he's been such a great friend with consoling me
40:32
Speaker 1: when I had a few breakups and actually when my
40:34
Speaker 1: father passed. He was so easy and supportive to talk to. Anyway,
40:39
Speaker 1: I feel I made a mistake telling my friend of
40:41
Speaker 1: two years about my relationship with this older man. She
40:44
Speaker 1: brings it up in front of others at social events
40:46
Speaker 1: and seems to want to make fun of me, laughing
40:49
Speaker 1: and saying I have a sugar daddy. She repeatedly tells
40:52
Speaker 1: me how she's baffled that my husband is okay with this.
40:55
Speaker 1: It's embarrassing to me the way she makes it seem
40:57
Speaker 1: like I'm having sex with the man, insinuating that I'm
41:00
Speaker 1: doing anything inappropriate. He's more of a father figure to
41:03
Speaker 1: me than I've ever had. I have two children and
41:06
Speaker 1: they call him pop pop. He always remembers our birthdays
41:09
Speaker 1: and sends a card. I'm so frustrated with my friend
41:12
Speaker 1: and have explained to her that he's like my father
41:14
Speaker 1: as her father is to her. Should I confront her?
41:17
Speaker 1: And what could I possibly say to her now? When
41:19
Speaker 1: it's just me and her. She's sweetest pie. Around others,
41:22
Speaker 1: she takes on this bully persona, always saying that I
41:25
Speaker 1: should have my sugar daddy pay for our dinner and
41:27
Speaker 1: drinks and letting everyone know about my situation. To me,
41:31
Speaker 1: he has no wife or children. He's wealthy and I'm not.
41:34
Speaker 1: It's very kind, all the help he's given me over
41:36
Speaker 1: the twelve years we've been close. I'm proud to have
41:39
Speaker 1: a real friendship with someone that is not a likely bestie,
41:42
Speaker 1: being that he's sixty and I'm about half his age.
41:45
Speaker 1: Thank you and take care, Sarah. Well, that's confusing, but
41:48
Speaker 1: they're not sleeping together, I know. But it's so confusing
41:52
Speaker 1: because you're taking money from a stranger, like I find
41:54
Speaker 1: that to be. I don't know how I feel about that. Honestly,
41:59
Speaker 1: I think it lovely. This man's probably very lonely, and
42:03
Speaker 1: he is attached to this gal and her kids and
42:07
Speaker 1: doesn't seem to be a creepy situation. I mean, first
42:10
Speaker 1: of all, you should definitely talked to your friend to
42:12
Speaker 1: sufferinging it up because that you didn't tell her for
42:14
Speaker 1: her to be making fun of you, and you're not
42:16
Speaker 1: in a sexual relationship, right, so you need to tell her. Yeah,
42:20
Speaker 1: I guess you know. I say that, yet I've given
42:22
Speaker 1: money to strangers and they've taken it, but that's not
42:24
Speaker 1: I feel like it's different coming from a man. Yet
42:26
Speaker 1: I also understand that this man is probably like seeking
42:30
Speaker 1: out a relationship with her as a daughter figure too.
42:33
Speaker 1: It sounds like as long as he's not ever tried
42:35
Speaker 1: to hit on you, which would be completely unacceptable. So
42:38
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm conflicted. That doesn't sound like there's
42:40
Speaker 1: anything untoward happening, but also, yeah, it's like something to
42:44
Speaker 1: think about. So you know what's interesting is I realized
42:49
Speaker 1: as you got through the letter that this is a
42:51
Speaker 1: ten year relationship, yeah, friendship. And when she said you
42:56
Speaker 1: know that it's not a sexual relationship, I went, oh, same,
43:00
Speaker 1: Because I had a friend who was twenty one who
43:03
Speaker 1: had a fifty year old neighbor who was trying to
43:04
Speaker 1: take her out and buy her stuff. I'd be like,
43:06
Speaker 1: don't you fall down that rabbit hole? Right. However, ten
43:10
Speaker 1: years in, to your point, it really does sound like
43:14
Speaker 1: a very paternal relationship. And like you said, Chelsea, if
43:19
Speaker 1: he's never hit on her, he's never made her uncomfortable.
43:21
Speaker 1: He knows her husband, he knows her children. You know
43:24
Speaker 1: what it makes me think of is we have this
43:26
Speaker 1: lovely neighbor. I mean, well, a neighbor I grew up
43:30
Speaker 1: with at my parents' house. Our sweet neighbor, Charlie is
43:34
Speaker 1: an elderly man in our neighborhood who doesn't have a family.
43:37
Speaker 1: He is like the Pasadena historian. He knows everything about
43:41
Speaker 1: everything in nature. He can tell you the Latin name
43:43
Speaker 1: of any tree. He is just the sweetest old man.
43:47
Speaker 1: And when our family moved into the neighborhood and my
43:51
Speaker 1: grandpa would come visit, we'd go out on walks, and
43:53
Speaker 1: my grandpa and Charlie struck up a conversation one morning,
43:56
Speaker 1: and from that year, Charlie has spent the holidays with
44:00
Speaker 1: my family. Oh I after my grandfather passed away, we
44:05
Speaker 1: you know, we used to call him our bonus grandpa.
44:07
Speaker 1: And after my grandfather passed away, Charlie still spends all
44:11
Speaker 1: of the holidays with my family. It's it's been twenty
44:14
Speaker 1: five years now, yea. And no, you know, Charlie's not
44:18
Speaker 1: like some man of means who's like giving money away
44:20
Speaker 1: to everybody. But he's a really important person in our life,
44:24
Speaker 1: and we are his family, and I think that those
44:27
Speaker 1: relationships are meaningful. And so I get why the dynamic
44:32
Speaker 1: of this guy being financially supportive rings the alarm bells
44:37
Speaker 1: of older guy taking advantage of younger woman. But he's
44:40
Speaker 1: never tried to fuck hers. He seems to be seeking
44:44
Speaker 1: a family, and who is this person to judge anyone
44:48
Speaker 1: else's family and how they make it is really where
44:51
Speaker 1: I land as I go through the sort of stream
44:53
Speaker 1: of consciousness list that I'm making with you now well,
44:57
Speaker 1: and it sounds like she's not even living in the
44:59
Speaker 1: same stage him anymore, So I mean, probably not anything
45:02
Speaker 1: untoward there. My parents always talk about this concept of
45:06
Speaker 1: giving with warm hands. My dad is in elder law,
45:09
Speaker 1: so he helps a lot of people prepare for their
45:12
Speaker 1: eventual death and where they want to leave their money.
45:14
Speaker 1: But for my parents, it's always been really important to
45:17
Speaker 1: give with warm hands, like give while they're still alive.
45:19
Speaker 1: So they give a lot to charities and they help
45:21
Speaker 1: out people that they love. They've certainly helped me out,
45:23
Speaker 1: And it sounds like that's kind of what he wants
45:26
Speaker 1: to do. You know, he has this and he's able
45:29
Speaker 1: to do that. But I do think Chelsea's right the friend.
45:32
Speaker 1: Sometimes people will rib you about stuff and like not
45:34
Speaker 1: realize they're actually pretty offended by it. So maybe if
45:37
Speaker 1: you talk to this friend. I also think there's something
45:40
Speaker 1: that means to be explored there. And I know people
45:44
Speaker 1: get real touchy when their egos get pressed, but it
45:47
Speaker 1: sounds like this friend has a dynamic of jealousy and
45:51
Speaker 1: if she's just with her best friend, she can love
45:54
Speaker 1: her best friend. But when she sees the way people
45:56
Speaker 1: react to her best friend, she needs to get competitive.
46:00
Speaker 1: And it really sounds like this woman. I don't think
46:03
Speaker 1: she's doing it to be mean. Maybe she's not conscious
46:06
Speaker 1: she's doing it, but it really sounds like she has
46:08
Speaker 1: some self inquired to do to figure out why she
46:12
Speaker 1: needs to neg her friend in front of other people.
46:15
Speaker 1: Why is she trying to knock her down a notch
46:18
Speaker 1: in front of others? Like, you need friends who want
46:21
Speaker 1: to lift you up and who want to push you
46:23
Speaker 1: in front of them when an opportunity comes around, and
46:26
Speaker 1: I think you might be well off to ask your friend,
46:30
Speaker 1: why do you want to make me small in front
46:32
Speaker 1: of other people? It's really hurtful. Yeah, yeah, definitely you
46:35
Speaker 1: to confront that issue. And we've decided that the other
46:38
Speaker 1: relationship is okay, said, we talked through it. Yes, Sarah,
46:44
Speaker 1: let us know how it goes with your friend, and
46:46
Speaker 1: we wish you the best of luck. But let's take
46:48
Speaker 1: a quick break and we'll be right back. Okay, and
46:56
Speaker 1: we're back. Hello, Well, Sophia, Is there any advice you'd
47:01
Speaker 1: like to ask of Chelsea? Oh Man, Yeah, I'm really
47:07
Speaker 1: curious about something because I'm in this process right now,
47:10
Speaker 1: and when you work on projects and you get to
47:13
Speaker 1: travel and you work with all these crews. For me, anyway,
47:18
Speaker 1: it has resulted in some really outsized nostalgia. And I'm
47:23
Speaker 1: really curious because you do a similar thing. How do
47:26
Speaker 1: you decide what nostalgic memory items, trinkets, chatskes you keep
47:34
Speaker 1: and what goes so that your house doesn't get cluttered
47:37
Speaker 1: because your house is very organized, and I feel a
47:41
Speaker 1: little bit like I live in somebody's grandma's house, like
47:43
Speaker 1: there's just shit everywhere. Oh yeah, No, you can't be
47:46
Speaker 1: a hoarder. No, well, I have a hoarder tendency and
47:49
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do about it. I know,
47:51
Speaker 1: but memorabilia of our own little trinkets or reminders are fine.
47:54
Speaker 1: I'm not really a sentimental person, so all of my stuff,
47:58
Speaker 1: I don't know who saves my stuff quite frankly, I
48:01
Speaker 1: mean probably my relatives or my assistants or something like.
48:04
Speaker 1: I don't have a thing about Like I opened my
48:06
Speaker 1: cabinet the other day and there was like eighty five
48:08
Speaker 1: thousand books of ours. I'm like, why are we keeping these?
48:10
Speaker 1: I don't need my own books. Let's bring them on tour,
48:13
Speaker 1: sell them, like, get rid of them, give them some
48:15
Speaker 1: charity whatever. I have the opposite mentality, because I just
48:19
Speaker 1: feel like everything's being recorded anyway. Who cares? It's not say, yeah,
48:26
Speaker 1: all of the things you've done are like there forever
48:28
Speaker 1: and ever and ever and ever. So why are we
48:30
Speaker 1: Pictures are the most important thing to me. That's all
48:32
Speaker 1: I care about our pictures. Yeah, I have a lot
48:35
Speaker 1: of pictures. I frame letters, but I'm one of those
48:39
Speaker 1: people who keeps every ticket stuff by from every concert
48:42
Speaker 1: of them. Oh yeah, no, no, no notable book. And
48:45
Speaker 1: I'm like, I think I'm running out of bloom. I
48:48
Speaker 1: don't know where to put things anymore. I know, I
48:52
Speaker 1: know it's good just to make as like photocopies of
48:54
Speaker 1: all of it, because what are you really ever going
48:56
Speaker 1: to do look through your tickets? I mean, who are
48:58
Speaker 1: you saving them for? Like your grandchildren? I don't know.
49:03
Speaker 1: So yeah, I would say less is more, Sophia, I
49:05
Speaker 1: would say, get rid of a lot of things. Memories
49:08
Speaker 1: you just need, you just need the pictures of the memories.
49:10
Speaker 1: You just need a picture of you at the concert.
49:12
Speaker 1: I mean, another reason that I don't have to save
49:14
Speaker 1: anything is because I'm not having any children, so I'm
49:16
Speaker 1: not having any grandchildren. So it's up to my nieces
49:19
Speaker 1: and nephews to preserve my legacy. Whatso gone. That'll be
49:22
Speaker 1: a nice challenge for them, send them the box of books. Yeah,
49:27
Speaker 1: thank you Sophia for being on today. I love you
49:29
Speaker 1: so much and I'm so happy we got to connect.
49:31
Speaker 1: I know too, we go connected person when I'm when
49:34
Speaker 1: I'm back in LA for sure, I'll hit you up.
49:37
Speaker 1: Otherwise I'm going to mail myself to Whistler soon. Well
49:40
Speaker 1: you can come here too. Everyone's invited to pass through. Okay, okay,
49:44
Speaker 1: thank you, Thank Sophia. You. I'm so nice to see Catherine. Likewise,
49:50
Speaker 1: bye bye, and don't forget everybody. My new special Revolution
49:54
Speaker 1: is now streaming on Netflix and it's badass. And then
49:58
Speaker 1: I'm doing a tour a little big bit store. You
50:00
Speaker 1: can go to Chelsea Panelo dot com for tickets. I've
50:02
Speaker 1: added some new dates. I added a date in Monticello,
50:05
Speaker 1: New York. I'm coming to Colorado to Red Rocks Amphitheater.
50:09
Speaker 1: I'm coming to Kalamazoo, and then I'm coming to a
50:11
Speaker 1: bunch of places in Tennessee, Memphis, Knoxville, and Chattanooga. That's
50:15
Speaker 1: May nineteenth, twentieth, and twenty first. And then I'll be
50:18
Speaker 1: in Atlantic City June tenth, which is almost still doubt
50:20
Speaker 1: so get your tickets. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea,
50:24
Speaker 1: just send us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at
50:27
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio,
50:32
Speaker 1: produced by Catherine Law and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.