Latest / Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET / Season 8: Episode 10 w/ Storyteller Satori Shakoor

Transcript

Season 8: Episode 10 w/ Storyteller Satori Shakoor · Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET

0:03
Speaker 1: Welcome to Chicken and with Kiki Kicking It be Ki
0:08
Speaker 1: Ki kickin it Ki Ki for a little personality, switching
0:18
Speaker 1: up the storyline on God we making the story and
0:21
Speaker 1: hoss one day at a time. Much problems to the side,
0:26
Speaker 1: enjoy yourself, free your mind, chicken it Ki Ki, Hello,
0:40
Speaker 1: and welcome back to another episode of Kicking It with Kiki, Life,
0:43
Speaker 1: love and all that other ship. I am your host,
0:46
Speaker 1: Kiki Chanel, Award winning author, lifestyle blogger, and certified life coach.
0:51
Speaker 1: Today I am joined with a very special guest. But
0:54
Speaker 1: you guys know how I like to do it. I
0:57
Speaker 1: like to give my guests the opportunity to tell you
0:59
Speaker 1: a little bit about themselves and then we'll get into
1:01
Speaker 1: the conversation. So today, hello, my guest, tell the people
1:07
Speaker 1: who you are and what you do.
1:09
Speaker 2: Well. My name is so Torri Shakur. I am a storyteller,
1:13
Speaker 2: writer and social entrepreneur. I am located in Detroit, Michigan,
1:20
Speaker 2: and I am excited to be on Kiki's show talking
1:23
Speaker 2: about love and all that other shit. So I basically
1:32
Speaker 2: come on and share about being a storyteller and about
1:35
Speaker 2: my upcoming film coming out June twelfth, called Confessions of
1:39
Speaker 2: a menopausal felm Fatale because I'm on a mission to
1:44
Speaker 2: have women not be in the dark like I was
1:47
Speaker 2: when I was going through perimenopause and having all of
1:51
Speaker 2: these symptoms that I didn't understand that were affecting and
1:55
Speaker 2: impacting the quality of my lifetickly driving me crazy with
2:00
Speaker 2: the hot flashes, the mood swings and not knowing. So
2:04
Speaker 2: I made myself a promise at that time when I
2:07
Speaker 2: was asking other women, what could this be, and they
2:10
Speaker 2: would say I don't remember going through this, or I'm
2:14
Speaker 2: too young, when they really weren't, or trying to preserve
2:18
Speaker 2: youth because at the time that I was going through it,
2:22
Speaker 2: there were a lot of self help books about how
2:24
Speaker 2: to get a man and the rules, and men are
2:27
Speaker 2: from Mars and women are so well, it wasn't in
2:31
Speaker 2: your best interests to say I'm fifty or I'm forty five,
2:36
Speaker 2: which I'm forty seven, you know, because you're supposed to
2:40
Speaker 2: be You're supposed to be eternally perky, juicy and relevant,
2:45
Speaker 2: absolute and so if you're looking through the male lens,
2:48
Speaker 2: you're sort of you're sort of benched for the rest
2:52
Speaker 2: of your life. And I thought that that was pretty
2:55
Speaker 2: sad when I had lived most of my life gaining
2:58
Speaker 2: wisdom and experience, and I was looking forward to this
3:01
Speaker 2: stage of life being the opportunity to embrace power, freedom,
3:06
Speaker 2: full self expression, and there was no one around doctors
3:10
Speaker 2: And still right now there are very few doctors that
3:13
Speaker 2: understand what menta pause is because the symptoms show up
3:18
Speaker 2: or don't show up very differently in everyone. But it
3:23
Speaker 2: affects the quality of your life in the relationships that
3:26
Speaker 2: you are in. So I thought that was very important.
3:29
Speaker 2: I created a platform called the Secret Society of Twisted
3:33
Speaker 2: Storytellers where I bring each month four new storytellers, which
3:38
Speaker 2: I helped them, I facilitate coaching. I teach storytelling, you know, absolutely,
3:45
Speaker 2: because everybody has a story that's actually a gift to
3:49
Speaker 2: others' life. But if you don't know how to tell it,
3:53
Speaker 2: and you're rambling around and I don't know, then you know.
3:56
Speaker 2: But if you know how to tell it, it's like
3:59
Speaker 2: one of the most it is the most effective delivery
4:02
Speaker 2: system of m brighton and ideas. So they come up
4:05
Speaker 2: on stage, they tell a twelve to fifteen minute true
4:09
Speaker 2: and personal story and we have musical guests and dance
4:14
Speaker 2: performances and art show and we've been doing that thirteen
4:20
Speaker 2: years nice and it still sells out because there aren't
4:27
Speaker 2: enough stories. And my mission is to get everybody, at
4:31
Speaker 2: least in the city of Detroit to share their story,
4:34
Speaker 2: but ultimately everyone to tell their own story, because who
4:38
Speaker 2: can tell it better than you if you know.
4:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you know how to tell it. I wrote
4:43
Speaker 1: my life story last year, part one, because I have
4:47
Speaker 1: a three book part you know, three book series that's
4:50
Speaker 1: coming out and it is hard. It is hard. I
4:53
Speaker 1: like to be behind the scenes. So the fact that
4:55
Speaker 1: you're talking about storytelling it makes me smile because I
4:58
Speaker 1: really want to tap into that. Actually when it comes
5:00
Speaker 1: to sharing my poetry, because I've been portrait was one
5:04
Speaker 1: of the first things that I fell in love with
5:06
Speaker 1: as far as writing is concerned, and now it's like,
5:10
Speaker 1: I want to do a poetry book. But it's all
5:13
Speaker 1: about the way that you shared the experience though, So
5:18
Speaker 1: that brings me to my first question, when did you
5:21
Speaker 1: know that you were a storyteller?
5:25
Speaker 2: Well, I have always been a storyteller, but I did
5:29
Speaker 2: not know that it was something that you could actually be,
5:34
Speaker 2: like a physician, like a CEO of a company. I
5:39
Speaker 2: didn't know that because there was no category for it.
5:43
Speaker 2: I grew up. I grew up with old black women
5:48
Speaker 2: from the Alabama, Mississippi Jim Crow South and Southern people,
5:54
Speaker 2: especially older women from the South, like grand They were
5:57
Speaker 2: my grandmother figures. They knew a story, they did. It
6:01
Speaker 2: would just they'd pour that story in your ear. Your
6:05
Speaker 2: mind would make a movie out of it, and they
6:07
Speaker 2: could make going to the corner store sound like Lord
6:10
Speaker 2: of the Rings.
6:10
Speaker 1: So oh, and I'm from Louisiana, so that's where I'm
6:15
Speaker 1: at now, so you know, I get it.
6:17
Speaker 2: Plus that Southern, those Southern tones just were hypnotizing to me.
6:23
Speaker 2: I didn't but it was when I was telling stories
6:26
Speaker 2: with the Moth. The Moth is an organization out of
6:29
Speaker 2: New York and they tell their they tell stories. So
6:33
Speaker 2: that I had won a contest here in Detroit, so
6:36
Speaker 2: they were flying me around the country telling my story
6:40
Speaker 2: of losing my mother and then losing my son nine
6:43
Speaker 2: months later. It was a story of grief, of loss,
6:48
Speaker 2: of crawling back to life and redemption, wanting to again
6:52
Speaker 2: and falling in love out of that, you know, and
6:54
Speaker 2: finding oh, I'm I'm too much. The guy is telling me,
6:58
Speaker 2: I'm too much. I was dead. That's a measurement. Yeah,
7:03
Speaker 2: so I think. So I told them, well, you know,
7:05
Speaker 2: if you think I'm too much, you know, I'm going
7:09
Speaker 2: for being way too much, exactly, going for being over
7:12
Speaker 2: the top of live. I'm alive, you know. So see
7:17
Speaker 2: you later, sir, and thank you very much. You know.
7:21
Speaker 2: But I was on stage one night. I don't know
7:23
Speaker 2: where I would think. I was in Austin, Texas, and
7:26
Speaker 2: I was telling my story and I noticed I could
7:29
Speaker 2: hear a pin drop. I looked out into the audience
7:33
Speaker 2: and they were leaning forward, waiting for my next word,
7:36
Speaker 2: and I was like really. And then when I finished
7:39
Speaker 2: the story, people came up to me. They were thanking me.
7:42
Speaker 2: They were a lot of writers talking about the different
7:47
Speaker 2: twists in the story. And then I started getting emails
7:51
Speaker 2: from people from all over the world because they because
7:54
Speaker 2: I did their podcast, and it hit me I'm a storyteller,
8:00
Speaker 2: but my purpose, this is what I'm called to do
8:03
Speaker 2: in life. And then the people who were thanking me
8:06
Speaker 2: were relating to me telling a story like it was
8:10
Speaker 2: a service. And I was like, really, telling my story
8:14
Speaker 2: is the equivalent of a service I do that I
8:18
Speaker 2: love to do that. I naturally am a storyteller. So
8:22
Speaker 2: I then owned that category, subsequently became a Kresgy Literary
8:28
Speaker 2: Arts Fellow, and started the first category called Storyteller that
8:33
Speaker 2: you could apply for this award end because they had poetry,
8:38
Speaker 2: spoken word, nothing, storyteller teller. Yeah, so it had lost somehow,
8:45
Speaker 2: it had lost its place in the category of art forms.
8:50
Speaker 2: So you know, I'm very proud of that accomplishment. This
8:55
Speaker 2: storytelling gets to be restored to this rightful places. Is
9:00
Speaker 2: a relevant and powerful art form. And now all you
9:03
Speaker 2: hear everywhere is storytelling, storyteller, story.
9:06
Speaker 1: Yeah.
9:07
Speaker 2: But back when I first started it, people didn't know
9:10
Speaker 2: what it was. It's just like Doctor Seuss, Can I
9:12
Speaker 2: bring my kids? You know? And I had videos, so
9:16
Speaker 2: I made that, created a YouTube channel and began to
9:19
Speaker 2: videotape the storytellers so that people could see what it
9:23
Speaker 2: looked like. Right, Yeah, And so now we're we're on,
9:28
Speaker 2: We're off to the races.
9:30
Speaker 1: I love to hear that. I love to hear it.
9:32
Speaker 1: So we're gonna talk about life a little bit. Can
9:35
Speaker 1: you share a moment when it seemly was a significant
9:39
Speaker 1: event and you had to perform that impacted your life journey.
9:47
Speaker 2: When you mean when perform on stage, Yes, oh, okay,
9:52
Speaker 2: so many of them, because I've been you know, I
9:55
Speaker 2: live on the stage. I had a brother that was killed,
10:02
Speaker 2: and I was doing stand up comedy. I had a
10:04
Speaker 2: show the night the next night before. I was going
10:10
Speaker 2: back to Detroit to you know, be with my family.
10:14
Speaker 2: And and I was not prepared emotionally to be on stage,
10:22
Speaker 2: but I was booked. So I tried to tell. I
10:26
Speaker 2: tried to tell, I tried to make that funny, make
10:31
Speaker 2: something funny of my and it was just too soon.
10:35
Speaker 2: And uh, and I and I so I I didn't
10:38
Speaker 2: really bomb because people could feel my grief, but that
10:43
Speaker 2: that really showed me that you can't really you just
10:47
Speaker 2: have to be honest, you know, even if you had Okay,
10:51
Speaker 2: So then I I was in a musical of play
10:56
Speaker 2: and uh, and and my I was in menopause, the
11:00
Speaker 2: musical by the and my and my mother died and
11:04
Speaker 2: my son died died months later. So in each each
11:07
Speaker 2: following each of those deaths, it was very hard to
11:13
Speaker 2: do the role. However, as a professional, you rise to
11:18
Speaker 2: the occasion and in some cases your performance has deepened better.
11:24
Speaker 2: But there were times in menopause musical where there's this
11:29
Speaker 2: there's this perform song sonny and cheer, I got you Mom,
11:35
Speaker 2: And I would have to tell them, can you hold
11:37
Speaker 2: occur just a minute, just so I would and pour tears.
11:42
Speaker 2: So you find out on stage when something in your
11:46
Speaker 2: life happens. Of course, when something great happens, Oh I
11:50
Speaker 2: got the part. Then you can go on stage you
11:54
Speaker 2: know who you know. But when something that really has
11:58
Speaker 2: changed your life, or you're angry, you have to take
12:04
Speaker 2: that that energy, which I whichever the however that energy
12:08
Speaker 2: is colored. It could be angered, joy, grief, it's it's energy,
12:13
Speaker 2: and you take that energy and you put it into
12:16
Speaker 2: the character you put it into and that Sometimes those
12:21
Speaker 2: performances are the most powerful. They're the funniest, they're the tracks,
12:27
Speaker 2: they they they they're very good performances because you have
12:31
Speaker 2: that extra energy. And plus grief deepens you. Oh yeah,
12:36
Speaker 2: it takes you to a place. And my grief was
12:39
Speaker 2: I wake up in the morning and who should I
12:42
Speaker 2: grieve my mother or my son today? How can you
12:44
Speaker 2: package it all together? But I was so devastated that
12:49
Speaker 2: you know, I had to. It was like wherever that
12:53
Speaker 2: grief took me, God had never charged the path there,
12:57
Speaker 2: you know, oh God there, And so I was just
13:01
Speaker 2: I had to crawl back from hell, you know. And
13:05
Speaker 2: then one day I realized, six years later, I felt
13:08
Speaker 2: this life in me. I wanted to live, not not
13:13
Speaker 2: just be in existence. Yes, yeah, I was walking through life,
13:20
Speaker 2: going to grief support groups, but I wasn't really there.
13:26
Speaker 2: And then I kind of felt, oh, this urge to live,
13:31
Speaker 2: I mean really live, and and and that that that
13:36
Speaker 2: that brought me back to life. And then I had
13:38
Speaker 2: these ideas as an artist, and I began to implement
13:42
Speaker 2: those ideas and to create them and to collaborate with
13:45
Speaker 2: others and bring others in with me. And that that
13:50
Speaker 2: that that began to reshape me, rebuild me, redefine me,
13:55
Speaker 2: give me a new way to be. Because when you
13:57
Speaker 2: lose your mother and you lose your own child, you're
14:01
Speaker 2: sort of floating around with no anchor, right, and so
14:07
Speaker 2: it's like, whoo am I right? So I had to
14:11
Speaker 2: create myself or recreate myself.
14:16
Speaker 1: Recreates it is. That's powerful. And thank you for sharing that.
14:19
Speaker 1: I appreciate you being vulnerable and transparent with the audience
14:23
Speaker 1: and myself today. So I appreciate that what is a
14:26
Speaker 1: piece of advice or wisdom that you once received and
14:30
Speaker 1: have carred with you throughout your life.
14:33
Speaker 2: Okay, So all human beings get stopped by something in life.
14:39
Speaker 2: Oh wow, we we we's inescapable. You want us to
14:43
Speaker 2: set out to do something and then doubts, fears, obstacles,
14:48
Speaker 2: challenges stop you. So I was doing a seminar at
14:52
Speaker 2: the time. I wanted to book did Gregory Gregory to
14:55
Speaker 2: do the Secret Society Twists and Storytellers. And I'd gone
15:00
Speaker 2: to Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle where he was performing to
15:04
Speaker 2: invite him to come. I gave him a little bag
15:07
Speaker 2: with an invitation and and a piece of food, and
15:10
Speaker 2: I took a photo with him, and I put it
15:12
Speaker 2: on Facebook and I hoped he called. But but putting
15:18
Speaker 2: on Facebook and getting however many likes about it that
15:21
Speaker 2: that was kind of enough, okay, because I was afraid,
15:25
Speaker 2: really that well, why would he want to be on
15:28
Speaker 2: my little show? And then Mark Sweetman he texts me,
15:34
Speaker 2: He says, well, did did you call Dick Gregory? And
15:39
Speaker 2: I said no. He said, well, I have his number,
15:43
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh lord. So he gave him
15:45
Speaker 2: his number and I got on that number for two
15:48
Speaker 2: weeks because I was stopped. Yeah, I happened to be
15:52
Speaker 2: doing a seminar at the time, and the and the
15:55
Speaker 2: homework was push past the place you would normally stop.
16:01
Speaker 2: Oh wow that and outside my favorite Peter place, and
16:06
Speaker 2: it was like, I'm pushing past right now. I made
16:10
Speaker 2: the call right outside before I got my sandwich. Talked
16:13
Speaker 2: to the agent and she said, oh, I think I
16:16
Speaker 2: think did mister Gregory would love to do your show?
16:19
Speaker 2: And he did.
16:20
Speaker 1: Wow, that's amazing. That is amazing. What that is a lot.
16:26
Speaker 1: I needed to hear that. I needed to hear that.
16:28
Speaker 1: So think I'm glad that I came up with that question,
16:31
Speaker 1: but I needed to hear that. So I know you
16:34
Speaker 1: have a project that's coming up, and you did share
16:37
Speaker 1: about it a little bit. So let's talk about confessions
16:40
Speaker 1: of a mental pausele film for teal Aside from you
16:45
Speaker 1: experiencing and not know what was going on and want
16:48
Speaker 1: to share the knowledge with other people, what has been
16:52
Speaker 1: one of the most important factors of creating this.
16:55
Speaker 2: Well, I'd never made a film before it, you know,
16:58
Speaker 2: and and so I didn't know the film industry, who
17:02
Speaker 2: the director would be. I just knew and I had
17:05
Speaker 2: I had I had some money, but I had to
17:10
Speaker 2: go raise money. So I was basically, this is what
17:13
Speaker 2: I want to do, and I don't know how to
17:14
Speaker 2: do it, but I know how to write. So I
17:17
Speaker 2: started writing it in twenty nineteen, and then I was
17:21
Speaker 2: ready to film it in twenty twenty three. And it
17:24
Speaker 2: seems like, I don't know how this always becomes true,
17:29
Speaker 2: but if you really really commit to doing something, all
17:33
Speaker 2: of a sudden, if everything and I got the exact
17:38
Speaker 2: perfect director. I performed it three for three nights, three
17:43
Speaker 2: performances at Detroit Public Theater. I fund I charged to
17:48
Speaker 2: get in to the theater so that I raised money.
17:51
Speaker 2: Like that, I would do a little kind of Tupperware
17:55
Speaker 2: party fundraiser where I go to people's women's homes and
17:59
Speaker 2: do an excerpt from the play. They would, you know,
18:01
Speaker 2: cook things for their friends, and we would talk about menopause.
18:07
Speaker 2: And I noticed that the women were chomping at the
18:10
Speaker 2: bit to talk about these things. And at the time,
18:13
Speaker 2: you know, minnopause was taboo. It was stigmatized, and so
18:18
Speaker 2: for them to be able to talk us, to talk
18:20
Speaker 2: to each other was And so I got a chance
18:23
Speaker 2: to see, oh, this is this is an important thing
18:26
Speaker 2: to do to get the conversation started two years later.
18:29
Speaker 2: Now that the film is getting ready to come out
18:31
Speaker 2: June twelfth, I now work with the Michigan Women's Commission.
18:36
Speaker 2: I've gone to the Governor's mansion. Halle Berry is like
18:40
Speaker 2: the face of menopause. Oprah Winfrey did a prime time
18:44
Speaker 2: show about it. It's almost kind of main becoming mainstream
18:49
Speaker 2: because because the most the largest and most powerful demographic
18:54
Speaker 2: of women are women in some stage of menopause. Men
18:58
Speaker 2: talking forty five all run for president. We're the Michelle Obamas,
19:03
Speaker 2: We're the grandmothers, the CEOs, the women who have gained
19:08
Speaker 2: knowledge have wisdom at the top of Governor's and so
19:12
Speaker 2: we're vocal. We want to know about this stage of
19:16
Speaker 2: life because it's affecting our performance at work, it's impacting
19:21
Speaker 2: our marriages and our relationships with our children. And and
19:25
Speaker 2: there are literally very I think doctors spend one hour
19:30
Speaker 2: you know, talk, you know, learning about menopause. So very
19:35
Speaker 2: few doctors who know about it. So if you've heard
19:38
Speaker 2: halle Berry's story, she was misdiagnosed with her yes, and
19:45
Speaker 2: and really it was menopause, and so they so it's
19:48
Speaker 2: like a demand for we need you to pay as
19:52
Speaker 2: much attention to us and our journey as women as
19:56
Speaker 2: you do with men. And so now that that conversation
20:01
Speaker 2: is happening, and I'm getting ready to do a town
20:05
Speaker 2: hall on Monday, and I've been working with them to
20:10
Speaker 2: do get this word out, because they're going all over
20:13
Speaker 2: Michigan with the governor and senators and other women representatives
20:20
Speaker 2: to sort of talk to women and educate women and
20:24
Speaker 2: saying this is not the end of life. And my
20:27
Speaker 2: film is not about medical things. It's about the taboo things.
20:32
Speaker 2: It's about my story. And we can't talk about menopause.
20:36
Speaker 2: We don't talk about fibroids, we don't talk about postpartum depression,
20:41
Speaker 2: we don't talk about any of the things that impact
20:45
Speaker 2: the quality of our life experience. And we do talk
20:50
Speaker 2: about it, and we do get the support that we
20:53
Speaker 2: need and totally available in just being female and start
21:00
Speaker 2: a conversation. We can't really be responsible for the symptoms,
21:05
Speaker 2: and so we're like having hot flashes and being ashamed
21:09
Speaker 2: of them, being in boardrooms, excusing yourself having cramps or depression,
21:17
Speaker 2: having to stay home. So millions and billions of dollars,
21:22
Speaker 2: you know, you're losing that in in an executive power
21:27
Speaker 2: because and so I think that it's it's it's a
21:31
Speaker 2: very important issue to discuss because it's the difference between
21:35
Speaker 2: life quality of life. And once you address the symptoms,
21:40
Speaker 2: which are bothersome and scary, if you know what then
21:44
Speaker 2: you can. Then what happens is that you there's this
21:47
Speaker 2: parting of the seas or partly the clouds, and there's
21:51
Speaker 2: your freedom, yes, self expression, there's your power, and now
21:57
Speaker 2: you can and now you're free to be whatever that
22:00
Speaker 2: future is. So I kind of my film is a
22:03
Speaker 2: story about me reclaiming and resurrecting a former self that
22:10
Speaker 2: I had buried. I didn't talk about that and I
22:14
Speaker 2: and I so I reclaimed her, resurrected her, embraced her,
22:20
Speaker 2: and and and restored that part of me, wrapped up
22:24
Speaker 2: that past, and all I was facing was a future
22:27
Speaker 2: of possibility, and I created out of that. So that
22:31
Speaker 2: it's a it's a story of redemption. I love it. Yeah,
22:36
Speaker 2: I love it.
22:36
Speaker 1: How how can we can we watch and support?
22:40
Speaker 2: It's going to be streaming on Prime Video, Apple Plus TV,
22:45
Speaker 2: and Google Play. I love it.
22:47
Speaker 1: I would definitely support. I cannot wait. If you have
22:51
Speaker 1: like a flyer or anything that you would like to share.
22:54
Speaker 1: Just send that to me or have your your your
22:56
Speaker 1: people send it to me. I'll promote it on the
22:59
Speaker 1: website and I'll my social media is because I'm forty seven.
23:03
Speaker 1: Oh well you're I'm right in it. It's your time, yes, yes,
23:10
Speaker 1: And I was my best friend and I were talking
23:12
Speaker 1: like a couple of weeks ago, and she said that
23:15
Speaker 1: she had a hot flash that stopped. It stopped her
23:17
Speaker 1: in her tracks and had her on the wall for
23:19
Speaker 1: about ten minutes trying to figure out if she was
23:21
Speaker 1: having a heart attack. Yeah, and she's a nurse, so
23:26
Speaker 1: she has she has made it her business to try
23:29
Speaker 1: to figure out what's going on, so she could share
23:31
Speaker 1: the knowledge as well. So I know that she would.
23:33
Speaker 1: She and I may have have to have a best
23:35
Speaker 1: friend date and to watch it together.
23:37
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, a whole group of women.
23:41
Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely, Well I'm excited about it. I am. I
23:45
Speaker 1: have an older sister and she turns fifty this year
23:48
Speaker 1: and she's been going through it. So she has been
23:50
Speaker 1: telling me some of the things that she has noticed.
23:53
Speaker 1: And so if I started feeling those symptoms, I'm like, okay,
23:56
Speaker 1: that's what that is. So I don't have to feel
23:59
Speaker 1: weird or something about it. And like you said, it's
24:01
Speaker 1: all about having a conversation.
24:03
Speaker 2: What kind of symptoms has she noticed.
24:05
Speaker 1: She's noticed where she's had a lot of weight, game,
24:09
Speaker 1: her cramping with her for her administruation, a heavy bleeding, irrootability,
24:15
Speaker 1: She's she's a school teacher, so she's irritable. And then
24:17
Speaker 1: she gets emotional sometimes too, yeah, and like not not,
24:21
Speaker 1: we all get emotional, but it was to the point
24:23
Speaker 1: where I'm like, what are you crying for?
24:25
Speaker 2: Now?
24:26
Speaker 1: I understand it?
24:28
Speaker 2: Like I was crying on Lucy reruns.
24:31
Speaker 1: Yeah, like watching a kid play in the park. I'm like,
24:34
Speaker 1: what is going on?
24:35
Speaker 2: Yeah?
24:36
Speaker 1: So yeah, those are the things that she has noticed,
24:38
Speaker 1: and I as we talk about them, I'm like, Okay,
24:41
Speaker 1: I get it. I understand trying to be there for
24:44
Speaker 1: her because I am myself is right there is it?
24:47
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah?
24:49
Speaker 1: Okay. So let's move on and talk about love a
24:52
Speaker 1: little bit. How has your portrayal of love and performances
24:57
Speaker 1: impact that your personal understanding and it expression of love
25:01
Speaker 1: in real life?
25:03
Speaker 2: Well, I'm i am married for the third time. Okay,
25:07
Speaker 2: it'll be eight years next February. Okay, and so my
25:13
Speaker 2: first marriage was I would I would say it was.
25:19
Speaker 2: I learned a lot in the first marriage. I learned
25:25
Speaker 2: that I didn't I didn't really want to be married.
25:27
Speaker 2: That that My advice now is you know, way two
25:31
Speaker 2: year old and in rocking chairs, didn't get married, you
25:34
Speaker 2: know what I mean. But so so the first marriage
25:39
Speaker 2: was kind of like a train trainer marriage. The second
25:43
Speaker 2: marriage was completely hormonal. I was forty seven, My hormones
25:48
Speaker 2: were out of whack. I was horny. He was fine, Uh,
25:52
Speaker 2: let's get married right. A year later, let's get divorced.
26:02
Speaker 1: Listen. And it's amazing that we can laugh about it,
26:04
Speaker 1: but it's so true when you are on a growth
26:07
Speaker 1: journey and like you said, you have gone through so
26:09
Speaker 1: much loss and grief and reclaiming who you were by
26:13
Speaker 1: crawing yourself out of darkness, it's like, I don't have
26:15
Speaker 1: time for nothing else, Like if it's not positive, I
26:18
Speaker 1: don't want it right. And you know, we lost a
26:22
Speaker 1: child in twenty twenty to a car accident.
26:24
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry.
26:25
Speaker 1: She was nineteen, but she was like the life of
26:28
Speaker 1: I mean, she was just she loved life. She was
26:30
Speaker 1: in college and flown, you know, had a whole life
26:32
Speaker 1: ahead of her, and that was hard. It's still hard.
26:36
Speaker 1: I think about it every day, but it's to the
26:38
Speaker 1: point where it's like, if I don't do something, I'm
26:41
Speaker 1: no longer gonna be here. So yeah, I love that
26:47
Speaker 1: you say, hey, it's not working. I don't worry about
26:49
Speaker 1: what people gonna say. Yeah, this is my second marriage,
26:52
Speaker 1: but whatever, it's my life and I have to live it.
26:55
Speaker 2: Yeah.
26:56
Speaker 1: And I think that when it comes to love, we
26:58
Speaker 1: get caught up in history or not being alone, or
27:02
Speaker 1: what people will say about you being single or think
27:05
Speaker 1: that you something is wrong with you by choosing to
27:07
Speaker 1: stay single versus being in a marriage, that that's not fulfiling.
27:11
Speaker 2: Well, when I with the third marriage I had, I
27:15
Speaker 2: was doing the Secret Society, Twist and storytellers. I was
27:19
Speaker 2: fulfilled in my purpose. I was happy being single, I
27:24
Speaker 2: was traveling I had. I mean, I was full full
27:30
Speaker 2: fully myself and my before you know my I didn't
27:36
Speaker 2: know him, but he had been coming for eight months
27:39
Speaker 2: to my shows, watching listening to my stories, and I
27:44
Speaker 2: guess he was coming with his mother, mother figure and
27:49
Speaker 2: a good friend of his, another dentist, and they kept
27:53
Speaker 2: he kept saying I like her, and they kept saying, well,
27:55
Speaker 2: go in, introduce yourself. And finally, after eight months, introduced
27:59
Speaker 2: him and my stage man is like, he's really nice.
28:03
Speaker 2: You should really And so this was someone coming to
28:13
Speaker 2: date me or to get to know me in fully
28:16
Speaker 2: myself happy. There was nothing he needed to do to
28:21
Speaker 2: make me happy. There was something he needed to do
28:25
Speaker 2: for me to be in love with myself and life.
28:28
Speaker 2: And so I was very very I learned what love
28:34
Speaker 2: is for me, you know. I mean, obviously you can
28:37
Speaker 2: have the belly butterflies, and you can have the swoons,
28:41
Speaker 2: and you can have the great sex. But at the
28:44
Speaker 2: end of the day, love is what you love is
28:48
Speaker 2: that day to day choosing to be with the person.
28:52
Speaker 2: Because he asked me to marry him, he asked me,
28:55
Speaker 2: did I like his house? I said, well, no, I
28:59
Speaker 2: don't like your don't like the location. I prefer to
29:01
Speaker 2: live in this area of Detroit, and I don't want
29:05
Speaker 2: to live in a house you lived with in with
29:07
Speaker 2: a former wife. So he had he was willing to
29:11
Speaker 2: sell his house and for us to buy, you know,
29:13
Speaker 2: look for a new house. And he looked at me
29:16
Speaker 2: and he says, if I sell my house and I
29:20
Speaker 2: start to look for a new house. Are you with me?
29:24
Speaker 2: And when I looked at it and looked at it
29:25
Speaker 2: into his eyes, I said yes. And I think that
29:29
Speaker 2: was the moment we actually got married, because I knew
29:34
Speaker 2: that I could not let him down with this, you know,
29:38
Speaker 2: because he was gonna he was going to be carrying
29:41
Speaker 2: two more He carried two mortgages for a couple of months.
29:45
Speaker 2: But it turned out fine, and you know, everything fell
29:49
Speaker 2: into place. And that was very difficult for the first
29:54
Speaker 2: two years being married because I had been single and
29:58
Speaker 2: we and of course anybody in relationship with they're a
30:02
Speaker 2: whole cultural identity and experience, so communication all. You know,
30:09
Speaker 2: you're getting to really know the person. We hadn't built
30:12
Speaker 2: any kind of history because I went on my first
30:16
Speaker 2: date with him July twenty seventeen. We were married February
30:20
Speaker 2: twenty eighteen. Oh, history build on. We had to create history.
30:26
Speaker 2: And so now it's everything is great. He just retired yesterday.
30:33
Speaker 1: Nice congratulations.
30:35
Speaker 2: Yes and so and so I learned that love is
30:39
Speaker 2: a day to day commitment, you know, looking at your
30:43
Speaker 2: partner and seeing him for who he is and the
30:47
Speaker 2: unique gifts he's bringing me, not what TV or society
30:52
Speaker 2: says a man should be having do but actually what
30:57
Speaker 2: he is doing. And so when I saw his beauty,
31:03
Speaker 2: you know, you know, I'm I'm like bombastic, and he's
31:07
Speaker 2: you know, more reserved, and you know, he's like he
31:11
Speaker 2: worked in dentistry for a long time. He was in
31:14
Speaker 2: the military, so he's very regimented and logical and doesn't
31:19
Speaker 2: doesn't like conflict. And I don't like conflict either, but
31:22
Speaker 2: I'm willing to confront conflict to get to the resolution
31:27
Speaker 2: to the people, to the side of transformation. Uh so
31:32
Speaker 2: we we we we're we're learning each other, we're having
31:37
Speaker 2: good time, and and so you know, we had we
31:42
Speaker 2: had the our vowels were basically aside from the the
31:46
Speaker 2: church vowels, divorce is not an option. So I take
31:51
Speaker 2: my wedding ring when I felt like I wanted to
31:54
Speaker 2: get divorced, take off, put it in the top drawer
31:57
Speaker 2: of the dresser until I felt like, okay, I want
32:02
Speaker 2: to be buried again.
32:03
Speaker 1: I read even.
32:03
Speaker 2: Noticed oh wow, But for me it was we can't
32:08
Speaker 2: get divorced. But somehow I got to express this. I
32:12
Speaker 2: hate you, yeah right now right tell people. I tell
32:17
Speaker 2: people all the time, if you're getting married, book, the
32:21
Speaker 2: church book, the reception book the Therapist.
32:24
Speaker 1: Wow, and I agree. I agree because my husband and
32:28
Speaker 1: I coming up on twenty years of married wo July. Hey,
32:33
Speaker 1: and I'll just leave it like that. It is a
32:36
Speaker 1: daily process and you have to want to be in it,
32:38
Speaker 1: and some of the part parts is if you're in
32:41
Speaker 1: it and you feel like they're not in it. But
32:44
Speaker 1: he's a great dude and we I passed across when
32:48
Speaker 1: we were sixteen years old.
32:51
Speaker 2: Oh okay, Wow.
32:52
Speaker 1: High school sweet high school, high school sweetheart. I went
32:55
Speaker 1: into college, broke up for years, and then found our
32:58
Speaker 1: way back to each other.
33:00
Speaker 2: I think it's important to break up for years and
33:03
Speaker 2: find your way because then you get a chance to separate, grow.
33:07
Speaker 1: Calm, and then see who you are without that person.
33:11
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I love it.
33:13
Speaker 1: I love it. Can you share a moment in your
33:16
Speaker 1: career when life, whether romantic, platonic, or self love, played
33:23
Speaker 1: a pivotal role in your performance artistic process.
33:30
Speaker 2: I did this show in Toronto which was a big
33:32
Speaker 2: hit called The Kink in My Hair, and I was
33:36
Speaker 2: playing an older woman whose husband had died and she
33:42
Speaker 2: looked out of her window after having baked a sweet
33:45
Speaker 2: potato pie and her grandkids couldn't come over, and so
33:49
Speaker 2: she had this pie, and she looked out of her
33:52
Speaker 2: window and she saw Charlie prune in his tomatoes, and
33:56
Speaker 2: she got this tingly feeling that she never ever felt before,
34:00
Speaker 2: even with her husband. For some reason, she just couldn't
34:03
Speaker 2: help herself. She walked out of that door and asked, Charlie,
34:08
Speaker 2: would you like some of my pie? He came over
34:13
Speaker 2: and they talked for hours, and it was it was
34:16
Speaker 2: a great play. But I was playing her like she
34:20
Speaker 2: was ninety because I didn't know what it was to
34:23
Speaker 2: be older, right, I was playing her like she was ninety.
34:28
Speaker 2: But I remember pulling a muscle, pulling my back muscle,
34:32
Speaker 2: so there I had to move kind of slow and
34:35
Speaker 2: I couldn't do I couldn't go up the steps to this,
34:38
Speaker 2: you know, to do some of the other parts. You know.
34:43
Speaker 2: So I remember because I had that pull muscle and
34:48
Speaker 2: I had to still go on that me having to
34:52
Speaker 2: So I said one of the lines was I ran
34:56
Speaker 2: out of the door, and that was but like this
35:01
Speaker 2: an audience just lost it because it was you know,
35:04
Speaker 2: because that was me running. Yeah, And so it's like
35:07
Speaker 2: whatever happens to you physically emotionally psychologically put that into
35:15
Speaker 2: the performance. It shapes and it gives you new things
35:20
Speaker 2: to draw from that. Even after my back snapped back together,
35:26
Speaker 2: I still could use that. Yeah, it's still use that
35:29
Speaker 2: because it worked right. And that show went to the
35:36
Speaker 2: United States. Toronto went to England hit Lines around the
35:40
Speaker 2: Corner called The Kink and I love it. I love it.
35:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, life experience is definitely can you have to lean
35:47
Speaker 1: into those because it's a part of your journey, you know?
35:51
Speaker 2: Yes?
35:51
Speaker 1: All right, before we get out of here, last question.
35:55
Speaker 1: As you continue to blaze the trails for other women
35:58
Speaker 1: in your industry, especially when they look like you, how
36:01
Speaker 1: do you stay grounded when dealing with all that other
36:04
Speaker 1: shit that comes with life and love?
36:07
Speaker 2: Well, I stay grounded because I'm always creating, being a
36:13
Speaker 2: social entrepreneur and being a woman of color. A long
36:17
Speaker 2: time ago, that parts aren't gonna just come to me.
36:22
Speaker 2: I would have some girlfriends who were white, and they
36:25
Speaker 2: would be auditioning two or three times a week or more,
36:29
Speaker 2: and like maybe, you know, maybe auditioning once every two
36:35
Speaker 2: weeks for something, and it never was anything really big
36:39
Speaker 2: or juicy. It was like I was I noticed I
36:42
Speaker 2: was sitting around waiting for somebody else to give me
36:46
Speaker 2: an opportunity along with however, other women like that look
36:51
Speaker 2: like me, one opportunity amongst all of us, and so
36:56
Speaker 2: the odds. And so that's when I decided. Plus, I'm
37:00
Speaker 2: impatient as an artist. If I see it in my
37:03
Speaker 2: mind and the idea is delicious, I want to see
37:07
Speaker 2: it in the world right now, right now, huh. And
37:11
Speaker 2: so I can't wait around. You know, I'll ask you
37:15
Speaker 2: for funding, but I'm not waiting for you to decide
37:18
Speaker 2: whether you're going to give it to me or not,
37:20
Speaker 2: because at the end of the day, I'm going to
37:22
Speaker 2: do this and I'll find a way. So what grounds
37:26
Speaker 2: me is reinforcing with every project that I complete that
37:32
Speaker 2: I can complete any project that I decide to do.
37:36
Speaker 2: So that gives me this. This grounds me in confidence.
37:41
Speaker 2: It grounds me in collaboration because the things that I
37:45
Speaker 2: create and their collaborations is nothing individual about it. I
37:51
Speaker 2: want your ideas, I want your expertise. I want you
37:54
Speaker 2: to know how in lighting yours and sound, your background
37:58
Speaker 2: in this or that, So it's always as a team.
38:01
Speaker 2: And the first thing that I produced a local TV
38:05
Speaker 2: show when I lived in Hawaii called The Tory's tea room.
38:08
Speaker 2: And the first time I saw it aired, I saw
38:11
Speaker 2: all of these people, you know the credits, So and
38:15
Speaker 2: so did this, did this this, and it would just
38:17
Speaker 2: run on the screen and I would be blown away
38:22
Speaker 2: by the number of people that involved themselves in something
38:27
Speaker 2: an idea I had. They were all there. We had
38:31
Speaker 2: our rap party. Everybody was so happy because everybody got
38:36
Speaker 2: a chance to express something that they did this one project.
38:44
Speaker 2: And I was like, wow, you know I saw I
38:48
Speaker 2: so producing became just part of my life. It became
38:51
Speaker 2: a joy. I loved them running up, how do you
38:55
Speaker 2: like this lipstick color? I think it's great in that role.
38:59
Speaker 2: You can power people, Yes, you can. You can share.
39:03
Speaker 2: You can tell people how much you love what they do.
39:07
Speaker 2: You can you get approval, and if even if you
39:12
Speaker 2: have to, even if you have to do a correction,
39:15
Speaker 2: you can create a way to correct that doesn't diminish
39:20
Speaker 2: them or devastate them that it it enlivens and challenges
39:26
Speaker 2: them to rat artistic heights. So I love what grounds me.
39:33
Speaker 2: It's collaborations, the support for that collaboration, the fact that
39:39
Speaker 2: people are getting joy expressing themselves and and and through
39:43
Speaker 2: this project that they might have not been working before
39:47
Speaker 2: on that I get to set the tone of joy empowerment.
39:53
Speaker 2: And so I say, I say, just do it, like Nike,
40:00
Speaker 2: just do it because somehow, and I don't know, this
40:03
Speaker 2: may just be how this medium called earth works. But
40:08
Speaker 2: if you think about it, you dream about it, you
40:10
Speaker 2: focus about it, you obsess about it, everything just all's
40:17
Speaker 2: in place. I don't know how. But you have to share.
40:21
Speaker 2: You have to open up your mouth and tell people
40:24
Speaker 2: about it. Just be a maniac.
40:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you have to share because they won't know
40:28
Speaker 1: that it's there otherwise. Right. Yeah, So thank you. Thanks
40:34
Speaker 1: to Torry for coming to kick it with me today.
40:38
Speaker 1: This has been an amazing conversation.
40:42
Speaker 2: Thank you, it sure has. I could talk to you forever.
40:44
Speaker 1: I know. And I'm looking at the time like, Okay,
40:46
Speaker 1: we can't stay here forever because we have to go
40:48
Speaker 1: into part two or whatever. But I appreciate you coming
40:51
Speaker 1: and dropping in.
40:52
Speaker 2: You tell your daughter, I love the artwork that surrounds you.
40:57
Speaker 1: I will definitely tell her when she starts selling the artwork,
41:01
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be so upset because I'm like, you're.
41:04
Speaker 2: Gonna have to make more for me, Yes, make some
41:07
Speaker 2: prints of those.
41:09
Speaker 1: Yes, And she is getting into print too. But she
41:13
Speaker 1: is a bright light in my life and I love
41:15
Speaker 1: her dearly, dearly, dearly. And I do have a sixteen
41:18
Speaker 1: year old son and he is just coming into his
41:22
Speaker 1: own and he's in the arts too, because he we
41:25
Speaker 1: had his choir concert the other night and just watching
41:28
Speaker 1: him on stage, light up singing and you can actually
41:31
Speaker 1: hear him, so he's singing out loud, and it's just
41:34
Speaker 1: it's just a proud my moment.
41:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, But thank you so much for having me. Absolutely
41:42
Speaker 2: for your support. I appreciate it so.
41:44
Speaker 1: Much, absolutely always, and you're always welcome back whenever you
41:48
Speaker 1: have the time, because I know that you are very busy,
41:50
Speaker 1: which I love. I cannot wait to see the film.
41:54
Speaker 1: Continue to success, continued success and blessings to you. And
41:59
Speaker 1: so everyone listening, tell the people how they can connect
42:03
Speaker 1: with you and where do you hang out on social
42:05
Speaker 1: media or website or anything like that before we get
42:07
Speaker 1: out of here.
42:08
Speaker 2: Where you can find me on Facebook, you can find
42:11
Speaker 2: me on Instagram. You can go to my web website
42:15
Speaker 2: sitorishkur dot com and hook up to my link tree
42:18
Speaker 2: and see articles and things that I'm up to, and
42:22
Speaker 2: it'll lead you to twiststellers dot org, so you can
42:27
Speaker 2: pretty much see that, but come out, well, stay home
42:32
Speaker 2: really in stream Confessions of a menopausal film fatale, laugh, cry,
42:37
Speaker 2: and get your life.
42:39
Speaker 1: Absolutely and all of her information would be in the
42:42
Speaker 1: show notes, guys said, there's no excuse to go in
42:45
Speaker 1: and see what she has coming up or going on,
42:47
Speaker 1: or get to know her by looking at all of
42:50
Speaker 1: the other stuff that she has uploaded on their stream.
42:54
Speaker 1: But until next time, thank you guys for tuning in.
42:56
Speaker 1: I am back every Thursday with a new episode of
42:59
Speaker 1: Kicking It with Kiki, Life, Love and all that other
43:01
Speaker 1: shit and purple hugs later, thank you Chickened it with
43:07
Speaker 1: ke Kee, so the love of goods