Latest / The Junto Podcast / E65: Small Talk and Genuine Connection
Transcript
- 0:10Hello, America. Welcome to the Junto podcast, where we promote the practical
- 0:14applications of critical thinking and bold creativity.
- 0:18I'm your host, Edgar Mills. Thank you for.
- 0:29Hello, America. Welcome back to episode 65. And what am I talking about today?
- 0:35I'm staying with easy breezy topics.
- 0:39I'm trying to throw out some easy breezy stuff here.
- 0:43And yeah, it's helpful. It's not, these aren't throwaway episodes for sure.
- 0:48I'm just not talking about the ills of communism or politics or whatnot.
- 0:53But what I want to talk about today is it's kind of relevant to everyday life,
- 0:58Not only personal life, but business life,
- 1:03Small talk I'm not very good at it I'm not a good small talker, really,
- 1:10And I mean, a lot of people, well, I mean, I'm kind of in my mind,
- 1:16I'm all business all the time. I'm always trying to,
- 1:21I don't know. I think we should be solving a problem or making some progress.
- 1:26If we're talking, we need to be talking about things that matter.
- 1:29That's kind of the way I look at it.
- 1:31And I know that seems overly serious and I'm not an overly serious guy.
- 1:36It's just, I don't know, man. Small talk. If it's not going anywhere,
- 1:39it's not going anywhere.
- 1:42So that's kind of the way I've always looked at it.
- 1:46And if we're not making progress on a project or a problem, and it doesn't even
- 1:53have to be my project or my problem.
- 1:57I still want to solve a problem. I still want to make some relevant gains and things.
- 2:03So, I think that possibly even in my career has possibly made me a little bit unlikable.
- 2:12And unfortunately, it's my personality that I don't know people either like me or they hate me.
- 2:23There's not a lot of middle ground, I don't think.
- 2:26That could just be from my perspective. I don't know. And if you're unlikable,
- 2:32it's very possible that you're, well, uninteresting.
- 2:38And I don't know which I dislike more, being disliked or being uninteresting.
- 2:44I think I'd rather be interesting than liked.
- 2:48But that's just me. That's my personality. Molly, if I turn on, if I,
- 2:53and here's, here's the catch with me is that if I think you're genuinely interesting
- 2:59and I, and I like what you do or where you're at, then I'll make great efforts to,
- 3:04to like you and be your friend and may even be colleagues or whatever.
- 3:10But if I don't, maybe, maybe I won't. I don't know.
- 3:16We all have our own quirks that make us unique. Our own little system glitches, we all have them.
- 3:24Our own little personal weirdnesses, things that we don't normally tell people
- 3:32about or that we're embarrassed about or it just may seem silly.
- 3:38I, I'm still,
- 3:42I still like, I follow pages on Facebook and, and other social medias about
- 3:51little action figures, you know, little GI Joe action figures.
- 3:59That's not very interesting to most people, I'm sure, but I do.
- 4:04And I don't share that often. So congratulations, America.
- 4:08You just found out I like G.I.
- 4:11Joe action figures from the 80s, but I'm a regular guy, though,
- 4:16and I think there's a lot of regular guys that like there's probably grown men
- 4:19out there to still collect the Hot Wheels and matchbook matchbox cars. So anyway.
- 4:27So, yeah, the question is, how do we become interesting to other people?
- 4:34How do we share the appropriate amount of personal information?
- 4:40Sometimes for the last episode, maybe I overshared a little bit.
- 4:46The sex after 50 episode. Maybe that whole episode was an overshare.
- 4:52But how do we find the right bits to share? that, again, are appropriate,
- 4:58but that humanizes us to the people we're talking to and kind of,
- 5:03I don't know, in a way that actually connects, you know.
- 5:08Because whether it's personal life or business life, you want to connect to agree.
- 5:13So that's what we're going to talk about is how it relates to personal life,
- 5:16and how this stuff shows up in business or your work life.
- 5:22A couple episodes back, we talked about manners. And I got some good positive
- 5:27feedback on that episode, by the way.
- 5:29I think a lot of people may agree that as a society, we're kind of,
- 5:35well, not completely losing the manners, but I mean, to a large degree.
- 5:41And who wants to be in a hyper-formal environment anyway? I don't,
- 5:45but that doesn't mean you can't use good manners.
- 5:51So at any rate, we're talking about now that we're taking the next steps now, right?
- 5:55Building on the good manners because good manners invite people in but they
- 6:02don't necessarily make people want to stay it takes more.
- 6:08In my opinion, and this is a curated opinion over years, but,
- 6:16broadly speaking, I don't believe that anyone is, everyone's interesting in their own way, I think.
- 6:24It's just, are you willing to get to it or not?
- 6:27Nobody's actually boring.
- 6:30In fact, do a little exercise, pick out the most boring person you know,
- 6:34and then respectfully in a friendly way ask questions, get in there and you'll
- 6:42probably find some very interesting things once you get past the surface level.
- 6:52Social media for sure I know this is the big evil we talk about a lot but social
- 6:57media especially but also professional environment, professional settings at
- 7:01work, whatever that work is,
- 7:04those pressure us To present,
- 7:10a polished, perfect, ideal version of yourself, whether it's on the socials
- 7:16or whether it's to the people you work with or your bosses anyway.
- 7:21And you have to have that veneer of, well, no chinks in the armor,
- 7:28you know, and you have to be impressive, you know, depending on your job, especially.
- 7:34You have to be impressive.
- 7:37All the time.
- 7:42And that's fine. If you're that guy, drive on.
- 7:45If that is genuinely who you are, if you are that superhero,
- 7:50that super fit, super perfect, super smart guy, drive on, drive on.
- 7:57But if you're not, you don't have to, because if you're not genuinely that,
- 8:02if it's not authentic, then chances are it will backfire on you anyway.
- 8:08You start to see, especially on social media, and how irrelevant is any social media anyway.
- 8:13It's the new marketing tool for sure for things. But everybody now,
- 8:18even individuals with nothing to sell or nothing to offer or no services,
- 8:23still build their own personal brand for the socials.
- 8:26That's madness.
- 8:30So when but we've seen via social media people who've been around for a few
- 8:36minutes you start to see that it starts to backfire,
- 8:39and then some ugly crap gets exposed or or some ugly past or the way they treat
- 8:47people around them on a daily basis versus on on the tiktok or whatever.
- 8:55Now for me,
- 8:58i spent many years in an environment where you didn't have to put on any mask
- 9:06right all you had to be competent and you had to be straightforward and honest,
- 9:12you didn't have to smile you didn't have to make make pretend that you were
- 9:16buddies or friends or you didn't have to say things that you didn't,
- 9:23it was mission oriented right the military especially in the 82nd,
- 9:30I've got a sort of funny story. I'll share it.
- 9:33I had a break in service. And so when I went back in the Army,
- 9:37I had to do basic training again because of the gap in service, apparently.
- 9:41And when I got out, I was, you know, I wasn't, I was never an NCO or anything the first time.
- 9:49And anyway, in AIT, because I had gone to AIT as a 31 Charlie,
- 9:56and that was a radio, you know, operator type.
- 9:59Anyway, we just show up to AIT, and, you know, all the drill instructors.
- 10:06Back then, the drill instructors were like tacks.
- 10:10You went and got training from other people, subject matter experts.
- 10:14The drill sergeant's only purpose was to march you to, march you from,
- 10:19do PT in the morning, and then make sure the barracks were square.
- 10:22So at any rate, the drill sergeant has us around in a semicircle and he's going
- 10:28around the clock, you know, hey, well, why'd you join the army?
- 10:32And this was in 1996 or 95.
- 10:37And he said, hey, why'd you join the army? What motivated you to join the army?
- 10:42So he goes around the clock.
- 10:44And almost everybody in that class was 18 years old or 17 even.
- 10:49I was 23 or 24 and, and a friend of mine was, was already probably 24 or 25 or so.
- 10:59We were the oldest two guys in the class.
- 11:03And he goes around, and they all say, what did they say? This is the,
- 11:07yeah, hey, I want to go to college.
- 11:10Yeah, I just want to do, yeah, I want to go to college and make something of myself. Yeah, I want to.
- 11:17And some of the kids were like, yeah, I think this job will translate,
- 11:21you know, and it'll be a good job so I can get a career after the Army.
- 11:26And then the drill sergeant looks at me,
- 11:30and he says, why'd you join the Army?
- 11:34And I said, I joined the Army because I need a structured lifestyle.
- 11:37And I said it straight-faced, just like that.
- 11:41And he blinked twice, and then he moved on. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
- 11:48There wasn't any small talk. I wasn't trying to be cute or funny.
- 11:51I was not trying to say what he wanted to hear.
- 11:57I told him exactly why I joined the Army.
- 12:00I joined the Army because I need a structured lifestyle.
- 12:06No small talk. And that drill sergeant, well, ultimately, he eventually liked
- 12:11me, but he pulled me aside later on.
- 12:13He was like, hey, man, you know, that was kind of a hard guy. I'm a hard guy.
- 12:20Yeah, they come to appreciate my stance there.
- 12:28Anyway, but that didn't backfire on me because it was the truth.
- 12:32And me and my friend became the,
- 12:35he was the distinguished honor graduate with the highest GPA and highest.
- 12:45I don't know. I was the honor graduate. He was a distinguished undergraduate.
- 12:48I can't remember what set us apart on that.
- 12:51But yeah, I think a little maturity there too. I mean, anyway, it did not backfire.
- 13:00So in the Army, at least when I went in, it was straight, straight talk was appreciated.
- 13:08And hell, even being hard was appreciated. In the 82nd, you know,
- 13:11it was, yeah, it was, you know, most people were kind of, you might even say,
- 13:18a-holes a little bit, but there was no ambiguity.
- 13:22There was no lack of clarity when somebody said a thing. And that was important to me.
- 13:29Now, of course, that has gradually changed over the years, but that's another episode.
- 13:36Anyway, coming back into civilian life after 25 years in the Army,
- 13:41I noticed that a lot of people,
- 13:45expend a lot of energy, you know, trying to sound interesting or to appear to
- 13:50be interesting instead of just genuinely being interesting.
- 13:58So I guess the moral of what I'm trying to say is be real, be yourself.
- 14:03Yeah, you can you can tone it up or tone it down depending on the situation,
- 14:08you know, maybe in job interviews you want to be a little more polished,
- 14:12but even then be genuine.
- 14:16So anyway, as I said, I believe that everybody is in some way interested.
- 14:22So we're carrying that around with us.
- 14:25It may be messy a little bit, but we have it, right? We have this messy version
- 14:31of ourselves, the quirks that we don't normally share.
- 14:34So how do we let some of it out without being awkward or even scary?
- 14:41How do we do that?
- 14:44Well i'm going to go back to the manners episode again i think that was a good
- 14:49episode good manners are an outward act,
- 14:55well of respect even baseline respect good manners are an outward display of that,
- 15:02and good manners create a sort of a level of,
- 15:07predictability,
- 15:09in the way you're going to behave to a thing.
- 15:12And that predictability kind of gives a level of safety that I can, okay, I can say yes or no.
- 15:21I don't have to be subservient to this human who I may be scared of or whatever.
- 15:28So good manners kind of opens those doors.
- 15:32And then, well, let me step back.
- 15:36You can be well-mannered and still be cold as ice, and you're well-mannered
- 15:42just as a rule and still incredibly unfriendly or unapproachable.
- 15:49You can do that. I have done that. I do that often still.
- 15:57I do have good manners as a rule, but I'm not always quick with the smile or the kind words.
- 16:06And I try never to be ill-mannered, however. The absence of good manners isn't
- 16:12necessarily bad manners.
- 16:15It's just a state of neutrality, I think.
- 16:19But likability, however, manners, yes. But being likable, well,
- 16:24that's the level of warmth that you have to sprinkle on to the good manners.
- 16:31And what does that create? If good manners create predictability,
- 16:37well, then likability and the warmth kind of creates a little comfort zone, right? Comfort zone.
- 16:47And you get that when somebody, I don't know, seems to actually take interest
- 16:54in you or they actually enjoy speaking to you.
- 16:58And it's not just a transactional thing.
- 17:02But the key difference in the two is that manners are to be performed,
- 17:11whereas likability is not really, right? That's.
- 17:17More of a personality sort of thing, I guess, but it's not performative.
- 17:24And, but I believe the likability shows up when you, when you are genuine, when you sincerely,
- 17:32care about what the other person has to say and you're genuinely curious about
- 17:36the person you're talking to, whoever that is and on, in whatever context, even.
- 17:42Yeah. It comes with that, that conversation, that sincere interest. Yeah.
- 17:50All right, sometimes I quote obscure people, and I don't think Will Rogers is
- 17:53obscure, but probably millions of the,
- 18:00Gen X, Gen Z, well, maybe Gen Z, and millennials for sure probably don't know who he is.
- 18:07But anyway, he was an entertainer, performer.
- 18:12I think he even did vaudeville, but he was an American philosopher.
- 18:17Yeah, he was an American philosopher. He was also like a comedian.
- 18:20He was kind of a, yeah, multi-skilled performer.
- 18:27But what Will Rogers said, and he was a native, by the way. He was Cherokee.
- 18:31I never met a man I didn't like. That's who said that. That's who coined that
- 18:35phrase. I never met a man I didn't like.
- 18:38And Will Rogers was not a naive dolt, right?
- 18:45He was saying that, what I think he was saying was that his default setting,
- 18:52was curiosity or interest as opposed to judgment.
- 18:58A lot of people who are judgmental, they already size you up before you ever open your mouth.
- 19:04And they lack that genuine curiosity because they just don't care. Whatever. whatever.
- 19:10So I think that shift, that default setting is curiosity versus judgment is
- 19:18where he was coming from there.
- 19:19And that changes the whole conversation, changes the tone of a conversation.
- 19:26Yeah. Will Rogers, the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People,
- 19:33His name was Dale Carnegie.
- 19:36He said that you can make more friends in two months by becoming interested
- 19:41in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
- 19:49I like that, right? And that backs up that curiosity that I was talking about
- 19:55that I thought Will Rogers was talking about is, and that backs that up.
- 20:00Just be interested in other people and then they'll become interested in you.
- 20:06So as always, with this podcast and every topic, no matter what it is,
- 20:14I think what's the point of me talking about this if I don't.
- 20:20Add some practicality to practical use.
- 20:25How do we use this in our daily life? Well.
- 20:31Thoughtful follow-up questions, right? When you're having a conversation,
- 20:37and, oh, really? Well, how did that make you feel? Or, well,
- 20:41then what was the next step for X, Y, Z?
- 20:44You know, just good follow-up questions. I think that's important,
- 20:50especially in a business setting.
- 20:52And then I talk about this one a lot.
- 20:56A little bit of light self-deprecation. Again, don't use that as a tool.
- 21:00Like I talked about on the narcissist episode, don't use self-deprecation as
- 21:06a tool to draw people in so that you can then build, you know, pump yourself up.
- 21:12But just a little, just a little social lubricant, just something smooth out the edges.
- 21:18If you, the self-deprecation, what it does is it shows them that you're kind
- 21:22of letting your guard down a bit so that they'll then let their guard down a bit.
- 21:26But not so that you can then attack, so that you can then have a conversation on real terms.
- 21:33And then, good people, these are old standbys. Well, eye contact.
- 21:40That's an old standby, is it not? Make eye contact when you're talking to people.
- 21:46But in the same vein of eye contact, in the modern day, what is it?
- 21:52You don't be on your phone while you're having a conversation.
- 21:56Put the phone down.
- 21:59And what does that tell people? Well, it seems like you're genuinely interested in what they're saying.
- 22:06And you're not constantly distracted.
- 22:10It's tough to hold that. Now, some people, man, are busy, busy, busy on the go, go, go.
- 22:15And you're talking, you're like, but hey, if you got to take it,
- 22:18hey, hold on a minute. And hold that spot. Do your thing. Put it down.
- 22:23And I apologize. You know, whatever. Do that if you need to.
- 22:29Don't be fishing videos.
- 22:34All right. And then I would be remiss if I didn't talk a little bit about Benjamin
- 22:38Franklin since this is the Junto podcast.
- 22:41He, well, he wrote about autobiography, but he refined how he spoke to people,
- 22:51in order to be more influential.
- 22:54Clearly, Benjamin Franklin was one of the most influential of our founding fathers.
- 22:59But in his book, he talked about,
- 23:02he dropped words like certainly or undoubtedly, like absolutes, right?
- 23:10He didn't speak in absolutes because they made him sound arrogant.
- 23:15Now, Ben Franklin thought about this in the 1700s. Like, man.
- 23:22And these days, I can't remember who said it. The only people who speak in absolutes are zealots.
- 23:29And, damn, I can't remember. Somebody, not a famous quote. I don't know. I want to say Siths.
- 23:37Some Darth Vader frigging Star Wars reference. Siths and zealots or something.
- 23:44But, I mean, if you look at it, Siths were zealots, weren't they?
- 23:47Yeah, man. Benjamin Franklin. Don't speak in absolutes. It makes you seem arrogant. Like you, and.
- 23:56So, instead, he said things like, well, it appears. Or I imagine that X, Y, Z.
- 24:04So that way there was a little room in there. And that didn't show weakness,
- 24:08good people. It doesn't show weakness to do that, to soften that tone.
- 24:15It just makes you a little more relatable, I think.
- 24:20Well, and he used it as a strategy, but yeah, it doesn't show weakness.
- 24:26It just makes you more relatable.
- 24:28And being relatable is not a weakness, good people.
- 24:32But ultimately, people listen to Benjamin Franklin because he didn't force them to defend themselves.
- 24:44Sometimes i have this problem with my kids and my kids have this problem with me,
- 24:50and and and these days usually it's a bit of a misunderstanding but,
- 24:57if you're trying to have a conversation but someone feels like they're having
- 25:00to defend themselves they're not listening to what you're saying they're just
- 25:05boom boom blocking that's it,
- 25:10don't make someone have to defend themselves in a day in a daily conversation.
- 25:20Especially if trying to get things done and a little humor. Yeah.
- 25:24I'm always with a little humor.
- 25:27If you're, let's say, let's say you're at a gathering, right?
- 25:30Maybe not a party, not a nightclub or anything like that, but like,
- 25:33I don't know a business, like an organizational day, you know, or whatever.
- 25:40And you're standing here holding your, holding your drink,
- 25:45and it's awkward. Hell makes the joke about how awkward it is.
- 25:51Make light of the awkwardness and get past it and then move on.
- 25:58Making a joke about how awkward it is will be infinitely better than trying
- 26:04to de-awkward the situation and fight through it and clarify your awkwardness.
- 26:13Just make the joke, man, and drive on.
- 26:20All right now we're gonna we're gonna get more into business life here professional life,
- 26:27and now i don't like this term but i've been told this i've been told this by many people,
- 26:35that hey man you're selling yourself not shooting or not training people are
- 26:41buying you and to a degree that's true i don't like it,
- 26:47I'm attempting to build a business that transcends my personality and me.
- 26:54I understand like the podcast for sure.
- 26:58But the shooting and the leadership development, that should transcend me for sure.
- 27:08And that's what I'm trying to do. However, you do have to sell yourself.
- 27:13You have to sell your idea and you have to sell yourself. and.
- 27:21In this selling of yourself, when I'm sitting and having coffee with a potential,
- 27:27business partner, I think a lot of people make this mistake.
- 27:31I don't know. Maybe I'm the one
- 27:32making the mistake because I'm still struggling to get the range built.
- 27:37Maybe I'm all wrong about it. But I feel like that,
- 27:41if you feel like you have to be a,
- 27:44shinier version of yourself to exude more competence or more success than you
- 27:53actually have, I think that's, I don't like that. I think it's the wrong way.
- 27:59Of course, again, I'm still struggling, so I may be all wrong.
- 28:05But I think the most effective way to sell your ideas is to stay true to yourself, I think.
- 28:13And then not only that, but if I'm, especially if I'm trying to get an investor,
- 28:19or something, I mean, you have to make the other person, well,
- 28:23one, see value in the idea.
- 28:26But two, feel valued that they are an integral part of what you're trying to do.
- 28:32I think that's the way I could be all wrong. I keep saying it.
- 28:36I could be all wrong, but I'm going to quote now. I also, I like the writings
- 28:42of Oscar Wilde and yeah, that's a little weird. I know, but Oscar Wilde said, be yourself.
- 28:50Everyone else has already taken.
- 28:54That's, it's brilliant.
- 28:58Yeah, Oscar Wilde was kind of flamboyant, and he could ham it up for sure.
- 29:07But he understood that, well, you guys remember Lawrence's 21 irrefutable laws,
- 29:14magnetism, the law of magnetism.
- 29:17Well, Oscar Wilde understood that the people who were magnetic,
- 29:24they were the ones who were being themselves unapologetically,
- 29:31not trying to copy what somebody else was doing. Yeah.
- 29:35Not trying to copy what someone else is doing.
- 29:41So yeah when when you're sitting with him in a meeting or you're just having
- 29:46coffee it doesn't have to be or it's a formal meeting whatever man just just be a little more,
- 29:51a little more honest not not honest but just share a little bit more or at least
- 29:56humanize yourself just a little bit more,
- 29:59and i think that lands i think that lands yeah better than the the polished
- 30:04up corporate you know, whatever model,
- 30:09yeah, I'll go back to it. You know, on an ODA being direct, direct communication.
- 30:15I mean, the last thing you want is any ambiguity. You don't want any,
- 30:19any question about what you mean when, when you're doing things operations wise,
- 30:25or anything else for that matter.
- 30:27So direct communication, mission focus, that was the way, that was the way.
- 30:32And I come off like an asshole And I know, and there's, you know,
- 30:37there may be about, let's see,
- 30:40a good hundred plus dudes or more who may tell you I'm an asshole,
- 30:46but I can tell you no one will ever say I'm incompetent.
- 30:48However, of that 100 plus dudes that tells you, there's probably 8 or 10 dudes in there.
- 30:58That loved me and thought that I was doing it right.
- 31:03Because I never compromised the way I dealt with people or communicated.
- 31:10Now, again, if you ever worked for me, reach out. Hell, tell me I'm wrong.
- 31:15Or tell me I was all effed up or tell me I was awesome, whatever, whatever you thought.
- 31:22I'd love to hear about what some of the guys that I led in the past,
- 31:26I'd love to hear what their thoughts are now.
- 31:29In retrospect, you know what I'm saying? But yeah, like I said,
- 31:33I came off sometimes like an a-hole, abrupt.
- 31:36And in business, in the civilian world, if you come off that way,
- 31:40That can look like you're trying to do the hard sell, high-pressure tactics,
- 31:44and that probably turns people off, too. I don't know.
- 31:49But what I think I learned is that you need to take a little breath,
- 31:55give a little breathing room,
- 32:00especially in business conversations, even in personal ones,
- 32:03but especially in business ones.
- 32:06I refer to that as tactical patience. just give a little breath think about it a little bit.
- 32:16Don't have to dilute or water down your message of what you're trying to sell
- 32:21or what you're trying to say in order to have that breathing room.
- 32:26And if it looks like they're pulling
- 32:28away and it's not going the way you want, you can bring it back in.
- 32:32You don't have to be a hard case about that, but you can bring it back in.
- 32:37Hey, well, let me clarify X, Y, Z, you know, and hit those parts you need to hit.
- 32:46So again how do we know how much personal detail to share i don't know man you
- 32:53got to fill it out it's i think you should share some personal detail open up a little bit you know.
- 33:02And then be genuinely curious especially if you're sitting down a job interview,
- 33:06one you should probably know a little bit about the company you're trying to
- 33:09get a job with or the person you're trying to get on with.
- 33:14But also, you know, ask some, well, thoughtful questions, you know,
- 33:20about the role you're filling.
- 33:23Hey, I'm interviewing for this job,
- 33:29without being too, you know, what was the shortcomings?
- 33:34Not of the last person, but just in general, right? What are the shortcomings
- 33:37or what needs to be done there?
- 33:41You know, and then again, I go back to this light self-deprecation.
- 33:45All right. Don't, don't, don't sit there and make yourself look like a clown.
- 33:48But I think that will build trust faster in a professional setting than you
- 33:54just trying to be the, the, the headshot. You know what I'm saying?
- 34:00Because especially in business, especially in the market, right,
- 34:05out here in the working world, I'll say it again. Will Rogers, he's got another one.
- 34:10And he says, everybody is ignorant, only in different subjects.
- 34:18Yeah, man, they might need you. You might need them. You're strong here.
- 34:22They're weak there. Who knows what?
- 34:24Everybody can help somebody else out in some way.
- 34:28And I'm going to say this. I look at everyone, and this may sound weird,
- 34:36but it's all from where it's coming from.
- 34:38I look at everyone as a potential partner, not as a potential asset,
- 34:44not CIA, ASOT, all that garbage to be used and discarded.
- 34:52I look at everybody as a potential partner to do a thing, whether it's my thing or not.
- 34:59Because if I can help you do your thing, well, that's going to help me.
- 35:05If nothing else, just feel good about myself and have a person that I can give
- 35:11a call when I'm in town. Or if I'm in your part of town and I'm broke down,
- 35:16I need a ride. I mean, just any little thing.
- 35:19So it doesn't have to be transactional, though. So my point is this,
- 35:23I look at everybody as a potential partner.
- 35:26And what does that mean to me as a potential friend? Because what's wrong with
- 35:31building a network of friends, whether it's strategic or whether it's just,
- 35:37hey, man, I see you walking down the street four days a week.
- 35:41What do you do? Oh, yeah, I work here. I do this. I do that.
- 35:44Awesome. That's it, man.
- 35:49Build that trust, right? Everybody's ignorant, only in different subjects.
- 35:54If you look at everybody as a potential friend or, and I know that sounds rich coming from me.
- 36:02Good people. Don't think I don't see the, well, it's not necessarily irony, but maybe a little.
- 36:10I have been a loner, somewhat isolated, violent even in the past.
- 36:19But yeah, I think that's the thing, right? I think everybody is a potential partner.
- 36:26All right. So I'm going to take a page for my friend Nathan Hicks.
- 36:33He does the Everyday Grit podcast, Everyday Grit.
- 36:39And he runs a company called Higher Ground USA here in Rome, Georgia.
- 36:44And he his podcast episode they're all very thoughtful he's a and he speaks
- 36:51in a very calm tone and he's very soothing by the way he has a very calming delivery you know,
- 37:00but he likes to make lists i'm not a list maker but he likes to make lists so here are four things,
- 37:09because I want to offer people a way to apply, right?
- 37:13Practically apply the things we talk about.
- 37:17So here are four things. Like Will Rogers, make your default mode curiosity, not performance.
- 37:26Make your default mode curiosity.
- 37:30I think that'll get the conversation farther than any other way. Number two.
- 37:38Share a small personal detail about yourself, not just the LinkedIn, you know, resume.
- 37:47Number three, use good manners as your baseline.
- 37:52And then sprinkle a little bit of warmth and likable warmth on top of that. Just a little.
- 37:59But the manners should be your baseline.
- 38:02And most of you listening to this, I know you're already well-mannered.
- 38:08And then number four, when in doubt, in a conversation, when in doubt,
- 38:14you know, ask better questions.
- 38:18Ask more thoughtful questions. Yeah.
- 38:21So that's a list of four things that you can do to break through awkwardness,
- 38:30and just have real conversation, whether it's a business conversation or a personal conversation.
- 38:35Now, again, I'm going to go back to Benjamin Franklin's 1727 version of the Junto.
- 38:44You can go out and join a small group of regular guys, friends, whoever, colleagues,
- 38:51and gather periodically with the sole purpose of making yourselves and your
- 38:57community better through thoughtful conversation.
- 39:01Yeah, that's still available to us, folks. It's still there.
- 39:06And it's probably still going on in some circles. It don't just have to go on,
- 39:11in the depths, in the deep depths of Harvard and Yale with the ring-knocking
- 39:17secret societies, right?
- 39:19You can just get with some people who are like-minded and get together,
- 39:25whether over at the pub, over a beer, or over at the coffee shop.
- 39:30And talk about initiatives, man. Talk about business. Talk about how to make things better.
- 39:37Yeah. Think about that.
- 39:41Ultimately, folks, in closing here, you do not need to be more polished or flawless.
- 39:52Because in reality, we all know that no one is flawless.
- 39:56You probably would just would benefit from being a little more willing to open
- 40:04up a wee bit and be willing to.
- 40:11To listen to understand versus listening to respond.
- 40:18Listen to understand. Don't listen just to respond.
- 40:24So that's what I'm leaving you with. That's what I think. That's a way that we can,
- 40:31be in a little more harmonious in our daily interactions at home and at work,
- 40:37or out in the wild, wherever you are.
- 40:41It integrated the good manners as we need to get that back in our lives as a societal norm.
- 40:51And for some of you in some areas it is, but I mean all the way to the most,
- 40:57deepest inner city of inner cities, all the way out to the most rural of rural spaces.
- 41:04We need the good manners.
- 41:07Yeah, so that's what I had today. That's what I had today.
- 41:12Consider those things. Consider them and how can you use those things to your
- 41:17advantage and to everyone else's advantage for that matter.
- 41:22Yeah, that's it. So thanks for listening. So as always, good people,
- 41:26please check out OspreyshootingSolutions.com for your shooting needs.
- 41:32OspreyshootingSolutions.com backslash consulting.
- 41:37That is what I've been working very hard on lately. And I mean,
- 41:41for the past probably month or so, I've been really, probably two months,
- 41:47I've been really ramping up my security consulting.
- 41:52And that includes things like SOP development for your facility,
- 41:58threat and vulnerability assessments for your facility.
- 42:04Even red team validations where we send people out to challenge your security protocols.
- 42:16Active shooter training.
- 42:19Let's see. And then what, what I'm really refining right now,
- 42:26it has existed and it still exists as the surviving captivity course over two team guys.
- 42:32But now I have professionalized that into a curriculum for well,
- 42:41world travelers, missionaries specifically,
- 42:43but small businesses that are mid-sized businesses that send people over to
- 42:50third world countries for whatever reason.
- 42:53This is security education and it's called security awareness in foreign environments,
- 43:02modules one and two right now.
- 43:04And I'm currently working on modules 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, and so on as additions, right? Electives.
- 43:13So module one and module two, module one can be done standalone and all the
- 43:19sub module ones can be done standalone.
- 43:23Module two includes module one, but module two is also the captivity practical exercise.
- 43:33So and that is really targeted not maybe not necessarily for everyone going
- 43:39going on a mission but definitely for the group leaders definitely and even
- 43:44the mission you know the leaders,
- 43:47they they need to really get a.
- 43:51Very real sense of, well, the dangers that are involved. That's it.
- 43:57And this is not, none of this is fear-based, right? This is all reality-based.
- 44:03And we do case studies and all that. And the base doctrine is derived from U.S.
- 44:11Special Operations SEER doctrine, Survival, invasion, resistance, and escape.
- 44:19So that's where we derive all this stuff from.
- 44:23And we use other governmental resources as well.
- 44:27So I want you guys to please consider that, especially if you travel overseas.
- 44:34And I said third world countries, but folks, we know Europe is in a sort of
- 44:40a, well, sort of a downward spiral right now.
- 44:45When it comes to civility and crime, their crime rates have spiked just insane.
- 44:51So if you're a traveling salesman, if you're an independent journalist,
- 44:57if you are a college student going abroad, and then, of course,
- 45:02if you're a missionary, faith-based missionary.
- 45:06Or nonprofit, humanitarian-type nonprofit, All these places,
- 45:12when you go to these very dangerous countries,
- 45:17and it's not so much we worry about the frequency of a bad thing happening,
- 45:23it's that we worry about the severity of that bad thing.
- 45:26Yeah, if you're looking at Northern Africa, well, all of Africa or the Middle
- 45:32East, I mean, you're looking at most likely becoming a propaganda video and being murdered.
- 45:41So again, I said, I'm not doing this by fear. And I just instilled fear by saying that it's a reality.
- 45:48It's not meant to stir fear. It's a reality.
- 45:51So that's what I've been working on hard for the past few months.
- 45:55So I encourage you guys to go and check that out.
- 45:58OspreyshootingSolutions.com backslash consulting. It's all there.
- 46:04And then of course, good people, please, if you can drop a couple of bucks to
- 46:10the Help a Homie Fund, and that is givesengo.com backslash helpahomiefund.
- 46:18And that helps us help other people. That's what we're here to do.
- 46:22It's grassroots. It's voluntary.
- 46:25You can give a buck. You can give 500 bucks, whatever.
- 46:30Every cent is appreciated because it's voluntary. Every cent is appreciated.
- 46:36And you can trust me to be a good steward of your donation.
- 46:42And yeah that's what's going on folks I appreciate each and every one of you for listening,
- 46:48again our listenership's been growing pretty good and I'm excited about it I
- 46:53appreciate each and every one of you that,
- 46:56give me the feedback let me know what you think about a topic any given topic
- 47:01so please keep up with the feedback and as always please hit me up,
- 47:06I'm always open for debate and I'm always open for suggestions,
- 47:10for topics or for guests.
- 47:14Now, I don't have the pull to bring guests in from all over the world, right?
- 47:18But if they're not super famous and they're willing to get on a Zoom call or
- 47:22whatnot, I'm happy to do that as well.
- 47:25Otherwise, you can come on up to my couch and we can sit and have a conversation.
- 47:31That's it, good people. Thanks very much for listening. I appreciate you all.
- 47:35And I love you guys. Take care. Bye.