Latest / Get Real Rae... Real Business & Life Advice / How to Deal with Your Problem, Even If You Didn't Know You Had a Problem

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How to Deal with Your Problem, Even If You Didn't Know You Had a Problem · Get Real Rae... Real Business & Life Advice

• 0:00
  Speaker: Okay, I'm gonna keep it real with you.
• 0:02
  Speaker: You have a problem.
• 0:04
  Speaker: And well, actually, so do I.
• 0:08
  Speaker: Drugs, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes.
• 0:12
  Speaker: Gotta have my nicotine.
• 0:14
  Speaker: What is up, my friends?
• 0:16
  Speaker: My name is Rae and welcome to Get
• 0:17
  Speaker: Real Rae, a place for life and business
• 0:20
  Speaker: tips from this creative soul to hopefully help
• 0:25
  Speaker: give you a little guidance or at the
• 0:28
  Speaker: very least provide you with some laughs.
• 0:30
  Speaker: And so let's get real.
• 0:33
  Speaker: Craving real advice?
• 0:35
  Speaker: Tired of feeling like every other small business
• 0:37
  Speaker: owner or solopreneur is raking in the dough
• 0:40
  Speaker: while you just seem to be raking?
• 0:42
  Speaker: Secretly looking for a reminder that starting your
• 0:45
  Speaker: own business is not as glamorous as others
• 0:48
  Speaker: make it look?
• 0:49
  Speaker: Whether you're looking to change the game in
• 0:51
  Speaker: your relationships at home or at the workplace,
• 0:54
  Speaker: you've come to the right place.
• 0:56
  Speaker: My name is Rae.
• 0:57
  Speaker: I went from corporate America to running my
• 0:59
  Speaker: own small business to becoming a solopreneur.
• 1:02
  Speaker: I'm a professional actor and dare we say
• 1:04
  Speaker: a professional busybody because this body is about
• 1:08
  Speaker: to be busy all up in your bins.
• 1:10
  Speaker: So let's get real.
• 1:12
  Speaker: You know, I was thinking the other day,
• 1:16
  Speaker: I was so proud of myself because I
• 1:20
  Speaker: had taken some kind of trending advice and
• 1:27
  Speaker: I got it from YouTube.
• 1:30
  Speaker: Think about that, right?
• 1:32
  Speaker: Advice you get from YouTube.
• 1:34
  Speaker: Do you know your source, right?
• 1:35
  Speaker: Okay, actually I love going through YouTube videos
• 1:38
  Speaker: and finding answers to questions that I might
• 1:43
  Speaker: have.
• 1:44
  Speaker: And so I'm on YouTube, I come across
• 1:48
  Speaker: this doctor who's giving this advice about 36
• 1:52
  Speaker: hour fast and she's got her own channel.
• 1:56
  Speaker: And then after a while, I started seeing
• 1:58
  Speaker: her on a lot of other channels giving
• 2:03
  Speaker: the same spiel.
• 2:05
  Speaker: 36 hour fast, gotta do 36 hour fast.
• 2:07
  Speaker: If you're a woman, oh, the woman hormone,
• 2:09
  Speaker: blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
• 2:10
  Speaker: blah.
• 2:13
  Speaker: And I said to myself, I did this
• 2:16
  Speaker: 36 hour fast, but is it sustainable?
• 2:19
  Speaker: I was initially like, yay, look here, I
• 2:22
  Speaker: lost some weight, woohoo.
• 2:25
  Speaker: Is it sustainable?
• 2:27
  Speaker: Am I seeing myself doing this for the
• 2:29
  Speaker: rest of my life?
• 2:30
  Speaker: And the reason why I took pause, friends,
• 2:33
  Speaker: is because I was having a conversation with
• 2:36
  Speaker: my mom and she was talking about her
• 2:38
  Speaker: weight and I said, hey, I'm trying this
• 2:40
  Speaker: thing, it's working for me.
• 2:42
  Speaker: And I started to try to explain it
• 2:45
  Speaker: to her.
• 2:46
  Speaker: And as I started to explain it, I
• 2:48
  Speaker: thought, who am I to be giving this
• 2:53
  Speaker: advice about a 36 hour fast, like not
• 2:58
  Speaker: eating for 36 hours based on a YouTube
• 3:01
  Speaker: video that I saw from some lady claiming
• 3:04
  Speaker: to be a doctor.
• 3:06
  Speaker: Let's do some research.
• 3:08
  Speaker: And lo and behold, I did my research
• 3:10
  Speaker: and this doctor is a doctor, but she's
• 3:13
  Speaker: a chiropractor.
• 3:16
  Speaker: She does not specialize in nutrition.
• 3:18
  Speaker: She does not have a license in nutrition
• 3:22
  Speaker: or hormones, hormonal studies, anything related to the
• 3:29
  Speaker: way the body functions in that aspect.
• 3:32
  Speaker: So all we can really say is that
• 3:34
  Speaker: this is a woman who is older and
• 3:39
  Speaker: has gone through hormonal changes and she has
• 3:43
  Speaker: tried this and it's worked for her, right?
• 3:46
  Speaker: And so I instantly lost respect for this
• 3:50
  Speaker: individual.
• 3:51
  Speaker: I also lost respect for the podcasters, the
• 3:56
  Speaker: YouTubers who were interviewing her because as you
• 4:00
  Speaker: watch the interviews, you kind of hear things
• 4:03
  Speaker: where you're like, wait a minute, but where's
• 4:04
  Speaker: the scientific research?
• 4:07
  Speaker: Where's the evidence that supports what you're saying?
• 4:09
  Speaker: And then I started questioning some of the
• 4:11
  Speaker: other YouTube doctors that I've listened to in
• 4:17
  Speaker: terms of, okay, so what's up with the
• 4:22
  Speaker: chiropractors?
• 4:23
  Speaker: Like to be honest, what's up with the
• 4:24
  Speaker: chiropractors on YouTube trying to put themselves out
• 4:30
  Speaker: there as nutrition experts?
• 4:32
  Speaker: I have no clue why it is.
• 4:35
  Speaker: And to be honest, like I went to
• 4:36
  Speaker: a chiropractor once and you know you've heard
• 4:39
  Speaker: the stories about chiropractors.
• 4:40
  Speaker: I went to a chiropractor once and the
• 4:43
  Speaker: session was great up until he offered to
• 4:45
  Speaker: crack my back towards the end of the
• 4:46
  Speaker: session.
• 4:48
  Speaker: And I was like, yay, mobility, yay.
• 4:50
  Speaker: And then he tried to crack my back
• 4:52
  Speaker: and I was in more pain.
• 4:58
  Speaker: Oh my goodness, you've heard stories and don't
• 5:02
  Speaker: let a chiropractor crack your back.
• 5:03
  Speaker: Like, I don't know.
• 5:04
  Speaker: And there's a YouTube video channel where this
• 5:07
  Speaker: chiropractor is like constantly cracking backs and I
• 5:09
  Speaker: just feel scared that someone's not gonna go
• 5:12
  Speaker: through that okay and there's gonna be a
• 5:14
  Speaker: lawsuit.
• 5:14
  Speaker: But that's a whole other story.
• 5:19
  Speaker: Okay, so what's your problem?
• 5:24
  Speaker: Like how does my trying to lose a
• 5:26
  Speaker: little weight have to do anything, anything at
• 5:29
  Speaker: all with you and your issues?
• 5:31
  Speaker: Well, I just want you to know I
• 5:33
  Speaker: got issues too.
• 5:34
  Speaker: We both got issues.
• 5:36
  Speaker: We both got issues.
• 5:38
  Speaker: And the problem is we're addicts, plain and
• 5:42
  Speaker: simple.
• 5:43
  Speaker: You are addicted to something, as am I.
• 5:47
  Speaker: Now, when we think of addiction, we often
• 5:48
  Speaker: think of, or at least I often think
• 5:52
  Speaker: of drugs.
• 5:53
  Speaker: Drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, gotta have my nicotine.
• 5:59
  Speaker: But there's a lot of different types of
• 6:01
  Speaker: addiction.
• 6:02
  Speaker: Porn, lots of people are addicted to porn.
• 6:04
  Speaker: It's not good.
• 6:06
  Speaker: And so when you think what is an
• 6:08
  Speaker: addiction, it is, uh-huh, dun-dun-dun
• 6:11
  Speaker: -dun-dun, the fact or condition of being
• 6:13
  Speaker: addicted to a particular sub-six thing or
• 6:16
  Speaker: activity.
• 6:18
  Speaker: That's the official dictionary, Oxford definition.
• 6:24
  Speaker: Okay, so think of it this way.
• 6:29
  Speaker: It is an addiction if it is something
• 6:31
  Speaker: that is keeping you from doing what you
• 6:36
  Speaker: want to do.
• 6:38
  Speaker: When you feel like you have no control
• 6:43
  Speaker: or less control than what is ideal, it
• 6:47
  Speaker: is moving into that area of addiction.
• 6:50
  Speaker: Now, you might be saying to yourself, Renee,
• 6:53
  Speaker: you're not a doctor.
• 6:55
  Speaker: No, I'm not.
• 6:56
  Speaker: And I am not trying to put myself
• 6:57
  Speaker: out there as a doctor.
• 6:59
  Speaker: I am just another older woman who's, okay,
• 7:05
  Speaker: I don't know about these hormonal changes, but
• 7:07
  Speaker: I am just another human who has had
• 7:11
  Speaker: life experiences.
• 7:13
  Speaker: And I am not trying to say my
• 7:16
  Speaker: experiences will equate to your experiences.
• 7:20
  Speaker: I'm simply out here saying, hey, I noticed
• 7:23
  Speaker: something.
• 7:24
  Speaker: Anybody else notice this is pretty crazy?
• 7:26
  Speaker: So what I have noticed that it's pretty
• 7:27
  Speaker: crazy is a lot of the problems that
• 7:32
  Speaker: I have in life, you know, you got
• 7:36
  Speaker: problems too, boo-boo, you know you do.
• 7:39
  Speaker: A lot of those problems probably circle around
• 7:45
  Speaker: an addiction.
• 7:48
  Speaker: Hear me out.
• 7:49
  Speaker: So I have been feeling not loving my
• 7:54
  Speaker: physical state for gosh, for a couple of
• 8:00
  Speaker: years now, since 2021.
• 8:02
  Speaker: So earlier in the pandemic or earlier in
• 8:06
  Speaker: Pandy, I did not have any complaints about
• 8:10
  Speaker: my physical health.
• 8:11
  Speaker: I was feeling good, I was feeling strong.
• 8:13
  Speaker: Even though I wasn't training four hours a
• 8:18
  Speaker: day, five days a week, like I was
• 8:20
  Speaker: prior to Pandy, I was still moving and
• 8:26
  Speaker: I was outside jogging and all the things.
• 8:28
  Speaker: I loved it.
• 8:29
  Speaker: I was fine.
• 8:30
  Speaker: I recognized my body and we were happy
• 8:33
  Speaker: campers.
• 8:34
  Speaker: I was like, hey, is that what I
• 8:35
  Speaker: look like?
• 8:35
  Speaker: My body's like, yes, you look like this.
• 8:37
  Speaker: I was like, high five it, boom.
• 8:39
  Speaker: Have you ever tried to high five yourself?
• 8:41
  Speaker: It's pretty fun.
• 8:43
  Speaker: And then, you know, a period of extreme
• 8:46
  Speaker: stress and things fell apart really fast.
• 8:52
  Speaker: Like the wheels came off the bus and
• 8:55
  Speaker: it was just all downhill, train wreck, all
• 8:58
  Speaker: kinds of things.
• 9:00
  Speaker: And then I thought, okay, you know, get
• 9:02
  Speaker: out of this stressful situation, get back on
• 9:04
  Speaker: track.
• 9:05
  Speaker: And I thought I was back on track.
• 9:08
  Speaker: And I think what it was, was that
• 9:10
  Speaker: maybe I was just riding around on that
• 9:12
  Speaker: spare tire you keep in the trunk, just
• 9:14
  Speaker: in case you get a flat tire, only
• 9:17
  Speaker: I had like all spares or something.
• 9:20
  Speaker: And so it only kept me afloat for
• 9:22
  Speaker: so long.
• 9:22
  Speaker: And then I was like, wait a minute.
• 9:25
  Speaker: I don't really know what's happening.
• 9:27
  Speaker: Why am I suddenly stuffing cookies in my
• 9:32
  Speaker: mouth?
• 9:33
  Speaker: Like a lot of cookies.
• 9:34
  Speaker: Like I just baked the cookies two hours
• 9:38
  Speaker: ago.
• 9:38
  Speaker: It was a dozen.
• 9:40
  Speaker: And now there are only two left.
• 9:43
  Speaker: Why am I scarfing down boxes of crackers
• 9:46
  Speaker: in my room late at night?
• 9:50
  Speaker: Just bad news bears.
• 9:52
  Speaker: And so I've gone through these periods of
• 9:55
  Speaker: problem solved, problem returned, problem solved, problem returned.
• 10:01
  Speaker: Now I did have to look at stress
• 10:03
  Speaker: and sleep and nutrition and all these things.
• 10:06
  Speaker: And hence, this is why I found myself
• 10:08
  Speaker: on YouTube looking for answers.
• 10:11
  Speaker: Because when you have limited financial resources, the
• 10:16
  Speaker: first thing you're gonna do is look for
• 10:18
  Speaker: what are the free solutions I can find,
• 10:20
  Speaker: right?
• 10:20
  Speaker: I mean, if I was just like, woo,
• 10:23
  Speaker: I got all this extra cash to toss
• 10:25
  Speaker: around.
• 10:25
  Speaker: I'd be like, let me go see a
• 10:27
  Speaker: nutrition specialist and let me go to the
• 10:29
  Speaker: spa.
• 10:30
  Speaker: Let me go to the doctor and have
• 10:33
  Speaker: them run all kinds of tests but that
• 10:34
  Speaker: is just not my life, right?
• 10:35
  Speaker: So doctor YouTube, hello.
• 10:39
  Speaker: But I don't want to just sound like
• 10:41
  Speaker: doctor on YouTube who don't know what you're
• 10:43
  Speaker: talking about.
• 10:44
  Speaker: Is doctor YouTube?
• 10:46
  Speaker: And then there's doctors on YouTube.
• 10:48
  Speaker: There's a difference.
• 10:49
  Speaker: Anyway, so when I really broke it down,
• 10:55
  Speaker: my unhappiness with my physical state, my unhappiness
• 11:05
  Speaker: or distress over my health, money, right?
• 11:08
  Speaker: Like, oh, do I, you know, every year
• 11:11
  Speaker: I know what my sales cycle is.
• 11:13
  Speaker: So I have some idea.
• 11:15
  Speaker: I know that sales are gonna be slower
• 11:17
  Speaker: towards the end of August.
• 11:18
  Speaker: So it makes no sense that every year,
• 11:23
  Speaker: August I'm going, ooh, we gonna make it
• 11:25
  Speaker: to September?
• 11:26
  Speaker: Now, to be fair, I do do a
• 11:28
  Speaker: lot of planning and I do wanna just
• 11:31
  Speaker: say that I don't sit around making the
• 11:33
  Speaker: same mistakes every year.
• 11:35
  Speaker: I always try to figure out, well, how
• 11:37
  Speaker: can I avoid having that issue next year?
• 11:40
  Speaker: What else can I do?
• 11:42
  Speaker: But despite all of this planning, that doesn't
• 11:46
  Speaker: mean I don't find myself taking action in
• 11:51
  Speaker: ways that don't benefit my ultimate goal.
• 11:57
  Speaker: And so this is where we get to
• 11:59
  Speaker: what I say, addiction problem, right?
• 12:04
  Speaker: So look at your own problems.
• 12:08
  Speaker: The things you're not loving in your life.
• 12:11
  Speaker: Do you feel that you should be spending
• 12:13
  Speaker: more time with family and friends?
• 12:16
  Speaker: Do you feel like you should be spending
• 12:18
  Speaker: more time learning a new language or more
• 12:22
  Speaker: time, look at me, more time, that you
• 12:25
  Speaker: should be making more money?
• 12:29
  Speaker: Are you not happy with the way you're
• 12:32
  Speaker: eating or do you not have the body
• 12:35
  Speaker: that you want?
• 12:39
  Speaker: When you look at your social media feed,
• 12:41
  Speaker: do you see yourself as a role model?
• 12:44
  Speaker: Or when you think back on the things
• 12:47
  Speaker: that you've done in life, do you see
• 12:49
  Speaker: yourself as a role model?
• 12:50
  Speaker: Do you feel like, yeah, I'm a winner.
• 12:53
  Speaker: And you're like, ooh, what have I done
• 12:57
  Speaker: for me lately?
• 12:58
  Speaker: And so whatever your problem is, whatever you're
• 13:02
  Speaker: like, oh, what's going on there?
• 13:06
  Speaker: Can you identify what are some things that
• 13:10
  Speaker: have kept you from getting whatever it is
• 13:13
  Speaker: you wanted?
• 13:14
  Speaker: What are some things that have kept you
• 13:15
  Speaker: in this place of not being happy?
• 13:17
  Speaker: Hear me out, okay.
• 13:21
  Speaker: So I only keep healthy food in my
• 13:23
  Speaker: house and I know that if I had
• 13:27
  Speaker: a bag of chips in the house, I
• 13:29
  Speaker: will inhale said bag of chips within an
• 13:32
  Speaker: hour.
• 13:33
  Speaker: I can certainly put chips in a emergency
• 13:39
  Speaker: cabinet so that if there's no other food
• 13:42
  Speaker: in the house, I would have to eat
• 13:45
  Speaker: those chips.
• 13:46
  Speaker: And I can forget about those chips for
• 13:49
  Speaker: a week, two months.
• 13:51
  Speaker: But once I find those chips, oh, they're
• 13:53
  Speaker: gone.
• 13:53
  Speaker: It's on my Donkey Kong.
• 13:55
  Speaker: It is all up in my tummy.
• 13:57
  Speaker: And so I could say, oh my goodness,
• 14:02
  Speaker: my problem is I'm addicted to chips.
• 14:06
  Speaker: Maybe my problem is I'm addicted to behaviors
• 14:11
  Speaker: that do not allow me to succeed.
• 14:14
  Speaker: So sure, not keeping chips in the house
• 14:16
  Speaker: is a great start, but what else is
• 14:20
  Speaker: leading to that negative behavior?
• 14:24
  Speaker: Maybe what I'm really attached to is the
• 14:29
  Speaker: idea that at a certain time of day,
• 14:31
  Speaker: I need to go find something to munch
• 14:33
  Speaker: on.
• 14:33
  Speaker: Or maybe what I'm really addicted to is
• 14:37
  Speaker: having a super healthy breakfast, but the super
• 14:41
  Speaker: healthy breakfast is missing something to the point
• 14:45
  Speaker: when later on in the day, I feel
• 14:48
  Speaker: like I have to find something to eat.
• 14:52
  Speaker: It is uncontrollable and I must give in.
• 14:56
  Speaker: Now, it just so happens that because there's
• 15:00
  Speaker: no chips in the house, that uncontrollable I
• 15:03
  Speaker: must eat something is me munching on some
• 15:07
  Speaker: cabbage with a little bit of salt.
• 15:09
  Speaker: Okay, so I've got my salt fix, which
• 15:11
  Speaker: is related to chips.
• 15:13
  Speaker: But the point is, the problem isn't the
• 15:17
  Speaker: chips.
• 15:18
  Speaker: The problem is me.
• 15:21
  Speaker: There is something that I'm doing that is
• 15:25
  Speaker: setting me up for failure, no matter what.
• 15:28
  Speaker: If I can't keep chips in my house
• 15:29
  Speaker: and be like, no, I'm not gonna eat
• 15:32
  Speaker: those, then I'm being controlled by that behavior.
• 15:37
  Speaker: I'm an addict, you're an addict.
• 15:40
  Speaker: If you don't have the money that you
• 15:43
  Speaker: want every month, you're like, man, this is
• 15:46
  Speaker: ridiculous.
• 15:47
  Speaker: I don't have this money, what is going
• 15:49
  Speaker: on?
• 15:50
  Speaker: Is the problem that you don't make enough
• 15:53
  Speaker: money, because I hear you on that problem,
• 15:57
  Speaker: could the problem also be viewed as you're
• 16:03
  Speaker: addicted to behaviors that do not support the
• 16:06
  Speaker: amount of money you currently have?
• 16:10
  Speaker: Okay, now, if you're like, look, Ray, I
• 16:14
  Speaker: know that my bills, I have to pay
• 16:17
  Speaker: this amount a month and bills and I
• 16:20
  Speaker: don't make that much money.
• 16:22
  Speaker: So it's not my problem, I need a
• 16:25
  Speaker: raise.
• 16:27
  Speaker: Okay, get a raise.
• 16:29
  Speaker: Did you ask for a raise?
• 16:30
  Speaker: Do you deserve a raise?
• 16:32
  Speaker: If you don't feel like you deserve a
• 16:33
  Speaker: raise, now, if you go to work in
• 16:35
  Speaker: there for two months, then it's gonna be
• 16:37
  Speaker: hard to convince somebody to give you a
• 16:38
  Speaker: raise unless you've just really done such a
• 16:42
  Speaker: stellar job that it should be undeniable to
• 16:49
  Speaker: not want to give you a raise.
• 16:52
  Speaker: With that being said, if you've been working
• 16:54
  Speaker: at the same job for two years, three
• 16:57
  Speaker: years, five years, whatever, and you feel like,
• 17:01
  Speaker: oh, I need a raise, this is what
• 17:03
  Speaker: is going to make me be able to
• 17:07
  Speaker: get what I need financially done, did you
• 17:10
  Speaker: ask for a raise?
• 17:12
  Speaker: If you don't feel you can ask for
• 17:14
  Speaker: a raise, why is that?
• 17:16
  Speaker: Is it that you're addicted to being able
• 17:19
  Speaker: to say, I don't have enough money?
• 17:22
  Speaker: Is it you're addicted to your fear of
• 17:25
  Speaker: asking others for something?
• 17:28
  Speaker: Cause that's a thing, right?
• 17:30
  Speaker: Is being afraid to ask, oh, I don't
• 17:31
  Speaker: wanna ask, I don't wanna ask.
• 17:33
  Speaker: Even if your boss is like the friendliest
• 17:34
  Speaker: person in the world like, if you need
• 17:35
  Speaker: anything, just ask.
• 17:36
  Speaker: I don't wanna ask, I don't wanna ask.
• 17:38
  Speaker: Okay, so maybe you're addicted to your fear
• 17:40
  Speaker: of asking.
• 17:42
  Speaker: Maybe you're really addicted to the fact that
• 17:45
  Speaker: you don't wanna work that hard.
• 17:48
  Speaker: And so you just want for your boss
• 17:50
  Speaker: to say, you deserve a raise as opposed
• 17:52
  Speaker: to you putting in the work to show
• 17:55
  Speaker: you deserve a raise.
• 17:58
  Speaker: A lot of times for those of us
• 18:02
  Speaker: who work in jobs that are W-2
• 18:04
  Speaker: and for big corporations, a lot of times
• 18:06
  Speaker: we are in a cycle where we expect
• 18:09
  Speaker: to receive a raise and an evaluation every
• 18:13
  Speaker: single year or every two years.
• 18:15
  Speaker: It's just kind of a given norm.
• 18:18
  Speaker: And so if you're just sitting there going,
• 18:22
  Speaker: oh, I need my raise, where's my raise?
• 18:25
  Speaker: Well, do you deserve the raise?
• 18:28
  Speaker: Has there been any change in your performance?
• 18:31
  Speaker: Or are you just gonna say, it's inflation.
• 18:35
  Speaker: We gotta keep up with the times.
• 18:38
  Speaker: Inflation is the reason why I deserve a
• 18:40
  Speaker: raise is because I must be able to
• 18:42
  Speaker: spend more time surfing the internet when I'm
• 18:46
  Speaker: supposed to be processing claims.
• 18:52
  Speaker: Okay, look.
• 18:56
  Speaker: It's kind of funny during Pandy, a lot
• 18:59
  Speaker: of people were like, oh my goodness, working
• 19:02
  Speaker: from home is so fun cause I can
• 19:04
  Speaker: work two jobs.
• 19:05
  Speaker: Working from home is so crazy cause now
• 19:07
  Speaker: my boss wants to monitor my computer.
• 19:09
  Speaker: Why do I need to know where I
• 19:10
  Speaker: at?
• 19:10
  Speaker: What am I doing?
• 19:11
  Speaker: Oh, it's because maybe they realize that I've
• 19:13
  Speaker: been actually working two full-time jobs and
• 19:16
  Speaker: trying to take two full-time paychecks and
• 19:17
  Speaker: I'm actually not really doing much work for
• 19:20
  Speaker: them.
• 19:20
  Speaker: And so the company said, you have to
• 19:22
  Speaker: come back into the office.
• 19:24
  Speaker: And people said, yay, we miss hanging out
• 19:26
  Speaker: with our friends at the office.
• 19:27
  Speaker: Only part of the problem is that you're
• 19:30
  Speaker: now hanging out with your friends at the
• 19:32
  Speaker: office.
• 19:33
  Speaker: And so just like before Pandy, what are
• 19:37
  Speaker: you doing at the office?
• 19:38
  Speaker: Well, you know, gotta go say hi to
• 19:40
  Speaker: so-and-so.
• 19:41
  Speaker: Then I gotta go check some email and
• 19:43
  Speaker: file some reports.
• 19:44
  Speaker: And then maybe there's some meetings and then
• 19:47
  Speaker: I have to have my personal time of
• 19:49
  Speaker: break time.
• 19:49
  Speaker: And then, oh, my kids sent me something,
• 19:51
  Speaker: blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 19:52
  Speaker: And when you look at the day, how
• 19:54
  Speaker: much do you actually get done in terms
• 19:57
  Speaker: of your job responsibilities?
• 20:01
  Speaker: I used to work in an office and
• 20:03
  Speaker: I'm just gonna tell you that when I
• 20:06
  Speaker: started, I got a lot done.
• 20:09
  Speaker: But towards the end, before I chose to
• 20:11
  Speaker: leave, I was getting a lot less done.
• 20:15
  Speaker: And partly it was just dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction and
• 20:19
  Speaker: I needed a vacation.
• 20:21
  Speaker: But that was my problem, right?
• 20:23
  Speaker: So I had a problem.
• 20:25
  Speaker: I was addicted to working hard and then
• 20:29
  Speaker: I was addicted to not taking a break
• 20:34
  Speaker: when I needed to, right?
• 20:36
  Speaker: So if your problem ain't money, if your
• 20:39
  Speaker: problem is no good men out there, or,
• 20:45
  Speaker: you know, I need me a nice lady
• 20:47
  Speaker: or I just need me something.
• 20:50
  Speaker: What are you doing to get what you
• 20:53
  Speaker: want?
• 20:54
  Speaker: Are you addicted to not going out to
• 20:58
  Speaker: meet people or trying to meet people?
• 21:02
  Speaker: Are you addicted to your phone?
• 21:09
  Speaker: Okay, so I was talking to my friend
• 21:12
  Speaker: in South Korea and we were talking about
• 21:15
  Speaker: cell phones.
• 21:17
  Speaker: And it wasn't until we were both talking
• 21:20
  Speaker: about like how we're on our phones all
• 21:21
  Speaker: the time that I realized we have problems.
• 21:25
  Speaker: Now there's tons of stories and studies about
• 21:28
  Speaker: phones being addictive and all these apps being
• 21:31
  Speaker: addictive, but it's not even the apps.
• 21:34
  Speaker: You guys, if you are walking around with
• 21:38
  Speaker: your phone all the time, I walk around
• 21:41
  Speaker: my house with my phone and I ain't
• 21:45
  Speaker: calling anybody the whole time.
• 21:47
  Speaker: I'm not expecting a call.
• 21:49
  Speaker: I have, you know, an old Apple watch
• 21:52
  Speaker: that was given to me so that can
• 21:54
  Speaker: count my steps.
• 21:55
  Speaker: I don't need to walk around the phone.
• 21:56
  Speaker: And so recently I had to tell myself
• 21:59
  Speaker: no phone in the bathroom.
• 22:03
  Speaker: You guys, I don't even look at the
• 22:06
  Speaker: phone when I'm in the bathroom.
• 22:08
  Speaker: I would just take it into the bathroom.
• 22:13
  Speaker: Now I force myself to put the phone
• 22:16
  Speaker: in the office outside of the bathroom.
• 22:21
  Speaker: The world is not gonna end in the
• 22:23
  Speaker: few minutes that I am in the room.
• 22:28
  Speaker: So find out what your problem is and
• 22:33
  Speaker: then look at the behaviors surrounding that problem,
• 22:36
  Speaker: the things that are keeping you from breaking
• 22:40
  Speaker: free of having that problem.
• 22:42
  Speaker: And then ask yourself, what are you doing
• 22:46
  Speaker: to solve that problem?
• 22:47
  Speaker: What are you doing to eliminate those behaviors,
• 22:49
  Speaker: reduce those behaviors?
• 22:50
  Speaker: What have you tried?
• 22:52
  Speaker: What else can you try, right?
• 22:55
  Speaker: Not having the chips in the house works
• 22:57
  Speaker: really well, but it is not 100%
• 23:01
  Speaker: foolproof because once the chips are in the
• 23:03
  Speaker: house, the problem still exists, right?
• 23:06
  Speaker: So not bringing the phone into the bathroom
• 23:09
  Speaker: is very helpful, but it's not 100%
• 23:14
  Speaker: foolproof because at any moment I could slip
• 23:16
  Speaker: up and that phone could be in the
• 23:16
  Speaker: bathroom with me.
• 23:17
  Speaker: And so what am I doing to make
• 23:20
  Speaker: sure that I don't go down that slippery
• 23:22
  Speaker: slope again, which is one, to remind myself
• 23:26
  Speaker: and say to myself, hey, no phone in
• 23:27
  Speaker: the bathroom.
• 23:28
  Speaker: And also to acknowledge that it is a
• 23:33
  Speaker: personal choice and to remind myself why I'm
• 23:36
  Speaker: making this personal choice.
• 23:37
  Speaker: I do not want the phone in the
• 23:38
  Speaker: bathroom because it is an unnecessary action and
• 23:41
  Speaker: it gives my phone too much control over
• 23:44
  Speaker: me.
• 23:45
  Speaker: If it is an uncontrolled behavior, it is
• 23:47
  Speaker: addiction and I do not want to be
• 23:50
  Speaker: someone who defines herself as being addicted to
• 23:52
  Speaker: her phone.
• 23:52
  Speaker: So how do you define yourself?
• 23:54
  Speaker: Do you define yourself as someone who's always
• 23:57
  Speaker: got problems?
• 23:58
  Speaker: Do you define yourself as someone who goes
• 24:00
  Speaker: for what they want?
• 24:01
  Speaker: Are you a successful go-getter, are you
• 24:04
  Speaker: an achiever?
• 24:05
  Speaker: Do you define yourself as someone that others
• 24:08
  Speaker: should aspire to be like or look up
• 24:11
  Speaker: to?
• 24:11
  Speaker: Do you just define yourself as a good
• 24:13
  Speaker: person?
• 24:14
  Speaker: Those are all great things.
• 24:16
  Speaker: If you define yourself as a good person
• 24:18
  Speaker: and yet you feel like, oh, horrible things
• 24:20
  Speaker: always happen to me, I'm such a good
• 24:22
  Speaker: person.
• 24:22
  Speaker: Well, what is it that's happening to you?
• 24:24
  Speaker: Like, what are the problems and is there
• 24:27
  Speaker: any way that you might be engaging in
• 24:30
  Speaker: actions that contribute to those problems, right?
• 24:33
  Speaker: Like, oh my gosh, I'm such a good
• 24:35
  Speaker: person, why are people always taking money from
• 24:38
  Speaker: me?
• 24:38
  Speaker: Why are my family members always asking me
• 24:40
  Speaker: for money?
• 24:41
  Speaker: Why are my friends always asking me for
• 24:42
  Speaker: money?
• 24:43
  Speaker: Why do I always get stuck buying drinks
• 24:45
  Speaker: when we all go out for drinks?
• 24:47
  Speaker: Well, look at your friend circle.
• 24:50
  Speaker: Or maybe don't answer the phone when that
• 24:55
  Speaker: relative calls.
• 24:57
  Speaker: If they only call you when they want
• 24:58
  Speaker: money, then you don't answer the phone and
• 25:02
  Speaker: you call them back after a day or
• 25:05
  Speaker: two, see how they're doing.
• 25:07
  Speaker: Maybe that need for money will disappear if
• 25:09
  Speaker: you're not responding right away.
• 25:13
  Speaker: If you find that people don't respect your
• 25:18
  Speaker: boundaries, right?
• 25:20
  Speaker: Well, have you made it clear what your
• 25:22
  Speaker: boundaries are?
• 25:23
  Speaker: I'm so like over the term boundaries, but
• 25:27
  Speaker: seriously, if you feel like, oh, you know
• 25:31
  Speaker: what?
• 25:32
  Speaker: This person never bothers to ask, how am
• 25:35
  Speaker: I doing?
• 25:35
  Speaker: You know, we've been dating for so long
• 25:37
  Speaker: and he never asked me about how my
• 25:39
  Speaker: day is going.
• 25:41
  Speaker: Well, if you're asking him, but he never
• 25:45
  Speaker: asked you, have you made it clear to
• 25:47
  Speaker: him that that is something that you wanna
• 25:49
  Speaker: talk about?
• 25:50
  Speaker: That is something that you value?
• 25:53
  Speaker: Cause maybe he grew up in a household
• 25:55
  Speaker: where they don't talk about that.
• 25:56
  Speaker: And he's only responding to you because you
• 25:59
  Speaker: asked, but he actually will be totally fine
• 26:02
  Speaker: not talking about his day.
• 26:04
  Speaker: Like he doesn't really care, right?
• 26:05
  Speaker: So you got a problem and you need
• 26:08
  Speaker: to fix your problem.
• 26:10
  Speaker: And your problem is probably related to an
• 26:12
  Speaker: addiction you have.
• 26:13
  Speaker: And you gotta figure out what is it
• 26:16
  Speaker: you're addicted to and how can you re
• 26:20
  Speaker: -approach that addiction?
• 26:22
  Speaker: I'm pretty sure that you are going to
• 26:26
  Speaker: be able to come up with some really
• 26:28
  Speaker: amazing solutions.
• 26:29
  Speaker: And if you feel like, no, no, I
• 26:32
  Speaker: don't know how to solve this problem, put
• 26:34
  Speaker: a message in the chat.
• 26:35
  Speaker: I will help you with this problem.
• 26:38
  Speaker: I would be more than happy to, because
• 26:40
  Speaker: golly gosh, I want more friends.
• 26:45
  Speaker: And I think we make really good friends.
• 26:48
  Speaker: Why?
• 26:48
  Speaker: Because we both are addicted to YouTube.
• 26:51
  Speaker: We definitely have something in common.
• 26:53
  Speaker: So yes, put a message in the chat.
• 26:56
  Speaker: If you have realized you got a problem,
• 26:59
  Speaker: tell me what your problem is.
• 27:01
  Speaker: And if you know what the addiction is,
• 27:03
  Speaker: if you don't know what the addiction is,
• 27:05
  Speaker: I will totally help you find that out,
• 27:06
  Speaker: figure it out.
• 27:07
  Speaker: It's totally fine.
• 27:07
  Speaker: We can play with that all day.
• 27:08
  Speaker: But I wanna know what your problem is
• 27:10
  Speaker: because I got a lot of problems and
• 27:12
  Speaker: something tells me you got a lot of
• 27:14
  Speaker: problems too.
• 27:15
  Speaker: We're like twins.
• 27:18
  Speaker: Are we twins?
• 27:19
  Speaker: Can we be twins?
• 27:20
  Speaker: I think that might be fun.
• 27:23
  Speaker: I've never had a twin.
• 27:26
  Speaker: That, I don't know.
• 27:27
  Speaker: That might be weird if I said I
• 27:29
  Speaker: had a twin and then I don't anymore,
• 27:30
  Speaker: but then that can mean a whole bunch
• 27:32
  Speaker: of different things.
• 27:32
  Speaker: So let's not go there.
• 27:35
  Speaker: Instead, let's just say the first step to
• 27:39
  Speaker: recovery is admitting you have a problem, admitting
• 27:44
  Speaker: you're an addict, and then taking steps to
• 27:50
  Speaker: solve that problem and to find a solution.
• 27:54
  Speaker: And so I can't wait to see how
• 27:59
  Speaker: your life changes once you start implementing solutions.
• 28:04
  Speaker: And hear me out.
• 28:05
  Speaker: It does not need to be a one
• 28:07
  Speaker: size fits all solution.
• 28:09
  Speaker: Absolutely not.
• 28:10
  Speaker: There are so many options out there.
• 28:14
  Speaker: I am super excited for you.
• 28:18
  Speaker: The same way just not having the chips
• 28:21
  Speaker: in the house is not going to completely
• 28:24
  Speaker: solve my problem.
• 28:25
  Speaker: It only helps identifying myself as someone who
• 28:30
  Speaker: enjoys eating healthy and is not, not a
• 28:36
  Speaker: slave to potato chips.
• 28:38
  Speaker: It's really important to me.
• 28:41
  Speaker: And so I have to remind myself, I
• 28:44
  Speaker: am not a slave to potato chips.
• 28:47
  Speaker: I am not.
• 28:49
  Speaker: I am going to accept that I'm gonna
• 28:51
  Speaker: eat this extra cabbage right now.
• 28:53
  Speaker: And then maybe tomorrow, I'm going to acknowledge
• 28:58
  Speaker: that going to the kitchen every two hours
• 29:03
  Speaker: or going to the kitchen after I finish
• 29:05
  Speaker: a class is a habit and pattern that
• 29:08
  Speaker: I have become accustomed to and possibly addicted
• 29:12
  Speaker: to.
• 29:13
  Speaker: And so now I can look at how
• 29:16
  Speaker: to change that pattern.
• 29:18
  Speaker: Maybe instead of going to the kitchen and
• 29:21
  Speaker: looking for a snack, maybe I go to
• 29:23
  Speaker: the kitchen and grab a glass of water,
• 29:25
  Speaker: or maybe I don't go to the kitchen
• 29:28
  Speaker: and I set a timer for 20 minutes
• 29:31
  Speaker: and I have to wait 20 minutes or
• 29:33
  Speaker: 10 minutes or two minutes before I can
• 29:37
  Speaker: leave my chair instead of just instantly jumping
• 29:39
  Speaker: up after the class is done just to
• 29:41
  Speaker: get away from my computer so that I
• 29:43
  Speaker: don't feel like working.
• 29:46
  Speaker: So yeah, in order to avoid one problem,
• 29:51
  Speaker: I created some other problems for myself.
• 29:55
  Speaker: And chances are you have too cause you
• 29:58
  Speaker: know what, we're twins.