Latest / Ambitious Podcast / EP. 50: The SHOCKING Emotional Habits That Are SABOTAGING Your Success | The Ambitious Podcast

Transcript

EP. 50: The SHOCKING Emotional Habits That Are SABOTAGING Your Success | The Ambitious Podcast · Ambitious Podcast

0:08
Hello and welcome back to Ambitious.
0:11
I wanted to say welcome back. If you are tuning in from last
0:14
week on our episode last Thursday and also if you or
0:17
somebody who is listening to Ambitious for the first time, I
0:20
want to say hi and welcome to the family.
0:22
We're excited to have you here and I'm really excited for you
0:25
to dive in today because today we are talking all things
0:28
emotional intelligence. And I have heard this term
0:33
tossed around for a very long time.
0:34
And I, I feel like there's a lot of different perspectives around
0:38
emotional intelligence and the tactics around it and the
0:41
strategies around it, and a lot of different discussions about
0:45
the impact this has not only on us as individuals, but also on
0:50
us as business owners. And so today we're going to
0:54
unpack the core pillars that you're going to want to be aware
0:57
of if you are somebody who wants to increase your emotional
1:00
intelligence. And emotional intelligence, I
1:03
will say, has been around for a long time as an idea and as a
1:08
perspective, but it's not something that I would say I've
1:12
seen regularly integrated into the business world until
1:15
recently. And so just now is it starting
1:18
to really have its own conversation, which is good
1:21
because it's long overdue as something that is needed for
1:25
each of us as business owners to integrate into our own
1:28
businesses. And so there's kind of two parts
1:30
to that. There's the Today we're going to
1:32
tell you what you need to be aware of and give you some
1:36
specific things you want to know as well as questions to reflect
1:39
on to know if you have these skills already or maybe do you
1:43
yourself need to go master them. And we're also going to talk a
1:46
little bit about how does this actually look day-to-day in your
1:49
business. So if you or somebody who either
1:51
does or doesn't have these skills, what does that look like
1:55
and what are some ways that we can refine that?
1:57
So we're going into all of that today.
1:59
So without further ado, let's get into the deep dive into
2:02
emotional intelligence. So the thing that I will say in
2:05
learning any information for myself, I always want to know
2:09
why should I care? And I know that that sounds like
2:13
harsh, but I, I kind of have this thing of like, if someone's
2:17
teaching me something, tell me what the significance is.
2:20
Like, why should I invest my time, my energy into learning
2:25
this and mastering this? And so I wanna just kind of give
2:27
you some things to consider. So emotional intelligence was
2:30
actually created by Daniel Goldman, who was a psychologist
2:32
and researcher who focused on researching emotional
2:35
intelligence. And so really emotional
2:38
intelligence and its basic essence is the ability to
2:41
recognize, understand, manage, and influence our emotions, not
2:45
only of ourselves, but also of others around us.
2:47
And it really is the assessment of how we interact with the
2:51
world, make decisions, and handle stress or conflict.
2:54
And so I want to give you some stats because as I said, I love
2:59
to know the impact of something to really know why I want to
3:01
sink my teeth into it. And these are going to tell you
3:05
why you want to dive into today's episode and why you're
3:07
going to want to be listening closely and you're going to want
3:09
to take some mental notes or maybe even some physical notes
3:11
for yourself. So 90% of top performers have
3:15
emotional intelligence compared to 20% of low performers.
3:20
Meaning if you are a top performer in anything, whether
3:23
it is a sport, business, in anything that you're excelling
3:27
in, of those who are the of those who are the top
3:30
performers, 90% of those individuals have a understanding
3:34
or a mastery of emotional intelligence.
3:36
Whereas of low performers, only 20% of those people have any
3:42
understanding or mastery of emotional intelligence.
3:44
Which tells us that if you listening to this, hello, you're
3:47
listening to ambitious. I know you and I know what you
3:51
care about and I know what you're going for.
3:53
And I know the big goals that you have for yourself, your
3:56
life, your business, and you want to be a top performer in
3:59
some lens. And so if you do, This is why
4:03
these skills are important because 90% of the individuals
4:07
that are doing the things that you want to do and that are
4:09
achieving the goals that you want to achieve have the skill
4:14
and the understanding of emotional intelligence.
4:17
Also, we see that companies with a higher understanding of
4:20
emotional intelligence are more likely to outperform their
4:24
competitors by 20% in the bucket of profitability and also 15% in
4:31
the bucket of productivity. I'm going to say that one more
4:34
time, OK? Companies that actually lean
4:38
into emotional intelligence are more likely to outperform
4:41
competitors. Yes, That person you're watching
4:44
on Instagram, the person you're watching on YouTube, that
4:47
podcast you're listening to that, you're like, oh, I feel
4:49
like they've got my clients. They're making more sales than
4:52
me. They are seeing more momentum.
4:55
The companies that value emotional intelligence are going
4:59
to be 20% higher in profitability and 15% higher in
5:04
productivity. So another impact on how
5:08
significant this is. And also in the last bucket,
5:11
there was also a study in 2019 that found that the people that
5:14
are generally happier, more satisfied with their life and
5:18
have the better, more fulfilling, deep connected
5:20
relationships all had a higher understanding and integration of
5:25
the pillars of emotional intelligence.
5:27
So with saying all of that, This is why it's so important for us
5:31
to learn this. If you are like anybody that I
5:35
coach and you think, OK, I want the strategy to grow.
5:38
I want the strategy to become that person I want to be.
5:40
I want to be the the strategy to scale my business.
5:44
This is a strategy. This is something for you to
5:46
sink your teeth in. It's a something for you to
5:48
learn as a skill. And I'm going to break it down
5:52
into 5 core buckets. OK, So to go high level and give
5:55
you what the 5R to start, we've got self-awareness, self
5:59
regulation, motivation, empathy and social skills.
6:05
And so again, these five were actually created as the pillars
6:09
of emotional intelligence by Daniel Goldman.
6:12
OK, so we're going to be diving into each one and as I said,
6:15
defining what it is, really understanding what are the key
6:18
aspects of it, examples of what it looks like for you.
6:21
And we're going to also end each section with questions that you
6:24
can ask yourself to really help to self assess what of these
6:28
core pillars maybe do you need to spend a little bit more time
6:31
on to start to flex the muscle lab and put more into practice?
6:35
OK, so pillar number one is self-awareness.
6:38
And self-awareness is really defined as the ability to
6:40
recognize and understand one's own thoughts, feelings,
6:44
motivations and behaviors. It's the foundation of emotional
6:48
intelligence as you can't manage or regulate emotions without
6:51
first understanding them yourself.
6:53
So self-awareness is something that I think many when they hear
6:59
this, like I have that, that's me, I have that, but I don't
7:03
necessarily know that's true. And even for me, I've had
7:07
seasons in my business and in my life where I realized I really
7:10
was not self aware. And I had this almost like, I
7:16
think when we're entrepreneurs, we have this kind of just grit
7:21
in us that we're like, we can do it and we're just going to make
7:23
it happen. And I don't know how I'm going
7:25
to do it and what's going to happen, but I'm just going to,
7:27
you know, basically run through the wall and move mountains to
7:31
just get to the goal and get to the destination.
7:34
But self-assessment and self-awareness really comes down
7:38
to are you really aware and Are you ready to acknowledge and
7:41
recognize your strengths and your weaknesses?
7:45
Do you at this moment know what are certain things that you need
7:49
to work on either both in a business setting or personal
7:52
setting? So for example, one of the
7:55
things that I know about myself is sometimes when I get super
7:59
overwhelmed or I get super stressed out, I have a tendency
8:03
to isolate. That's a self-awareness, right?
8:06
So that's me understanding my behavior, how that is connected
8:11
to my emotions, and most importantly, how that actually
8:14
is a limitation for me because if I self isolate, when I'm
8:18
finding myself stressed out, what it means is I'm pushing
8:21
away my support system. That could be somebody to help
8:24
me. So it's something that I'm
8:25
actively working on. But the start of working on that
8:28
comes with a understanding of what are these things do you
8:33
know, and can you see your emotions and how they're
8:36
impacting you, how they're impacting your business, how
8:39
they're impacting your decisions, how they're impacting
8:42
your social life, how they're impacting your relationships?
8:45
Do you have an awareness of how your emotions are affecting your
8:50
belief system and how your emotions are changing your
8:53
behavior and even potentially causing you to make specific
8:57
decisions? What would you say right now are
9:00
areas of strength for you in your life or in your business,
9:05
certain skills that you're really just knocking it out of
9:07
the park? And what are areas that you
9:10
would say are more difficult for you or that you struggle with
9:13
more? And so having an accurate
9:18
understanding of ourselves and accurate self-assessment is
9:22
really the key to success because when we're looking to
9:26
grow, we have to be able to see ourselves.
9:30
And the thing that often helps with this, which is why I'm such
9:33
a big advocate for therapy. I personally kind of partake in
9:37
cognitive behavioral therapy. And I also believe a lot heavily
9:40
in in coaching, in business coaching, mindset coaching,
9:44
because sometimes you also need what I consider coaching to be
9:47
as someone to hold a mirror. And like, do you have people or
9:52
support systems in your life that are holding a mirror to you
9:55
to really help you to see yourself?
9:58
And if you don't have that, are you taking intentional time to
10:02
really self assess? Right?
10:04
We're talking about self-assessment.
10:05
Are you really taking time out of your day to say, OK, how can
10:11
I be better? Where can I develop?
10:14
Where can I flex this muscle more?
10:16
Where can I, you know, change the way they respond to things?
10:19
Where are my emotions running the show?
10:22
Are you asking yourself and taking space out to ask yourself
10:25
that question? Because if you're not, what ends
10:28
up happening is that we kind of just go through the motions,
10:31
right? We just believe that whatever
10:33
we're doing in a given moment is the right thing and not
10:36
necessarily having an awareness of maybe is there an alternative
10:39
way that we could go about things?
10:41
For example, as I said, I tend to self isolate when I'm
10:46
stressed out. And so for for me, I recognize
10:48
that one of my behaviors was to not answer text messages to kind
10:54
of go ghost off my phone. Like I just really just love to
10:57
be alone. When I'm feeling super stressed,
10:59
I often times would get myself back to a place where I felt
11:01
like, OK, like I feel, you know, back to my old me again.
11:04
I'm not stressed anymore. And then I would kind of like,
11:06
weirdly enough, relaunch myself back into the world and back
11:09
into my social circle. But what I realized in doing so
11:12
was I was pushing away people who really wanted to support me,
11:15
who didn't care that I was in this kind of messy middle and
11:18
that they were OK to sit in that with me.
11:21
And so it was only once I actually had somebody in my
11:25
circle say, hey, no, like, no, I won't give you space.
11:30
No, I'm not going to allow you to do this yet again and be
11:33
like, hey, like, I'm going through something.
11:34
I'll message you once they work through it.
11:36
I had to really look at ways that I was allowing my emotions
11:41
to change my behavior. And that's really what
11:44
self-awareness is. It's having an understanding of
11:46
your strengths and the ways you can leverage those in your life
11:49
and in business. And it's also having an
11:51
understanding of what are maybe your weaknesses.
11:53
So I'm going to give you 5 questions that I want you to ask
11:58
yourself. Maybe you want to note these
11:59
down, Maybe you want to come back to them and you want to
12:02
listen and use this as a journal prompt for yourself to really
12:05
unpack and kind of go a little deeper on where you might be
12:08
able to do better when it comes to self-awareness.
12:11
And I'm going to ask you a series of questions, OK?
12:14
Question one, when I face a challenging situation or I get a
12:18
customer complaint or I have a dissatisfied team member or I
12:21
have something happen in those moments, do I pause to recognize
12:24
my emotions or do I react impulsively?
12:30
OK, so when I face a challenging situation or a resistance in
12:33
business, do you pause and recognize your emotions before
12:37
you respond or do you just react impulsively?
12:41
You just are kind of like, OK, 321 and we're gonna solve.
12:44
Do you take a moment to pause a breath before you go and you go
12:48
start doing? Do you take a second to just be
12:50
with the emotion that's coming up for you in that given moment?
12:54
Are you able to manage stress effectively and make thoughtful
12:57
decisions even when you're under immense pressure?
13:01
Or do you tend to make rash decisions that sometimes even
13:05
later on, you realize may have affected your business or maybe
13:09
have affected relationships as a result of it?
13:13
So do you find that you are able to manage stress effectively and
13:16
make thoughtful decisions when you're under pressure?
13:18
Or do you end up making rash decisions that sometimes have a
13:22
long lasting impact? Three, do I clearly know which
13:26
tasks or areas that I'm really good at and delegate those tasks
13:30
that I'm not skilled at? Or do I find myself trying to
13:33
handle everything when it comes to things outside my expertise?
13:39
OK, so do you know the things you're great at and do you
13:42
delegate them? Or do you try to handle
13:45
everything yourself even when often times it's outside your
13:48
expertise? For when you feel overwhelmed or
13:53
stressed, do you take proactive steps to manage your stress and
13:57
to kind of maintain your overall well-being?
14:00
Or do you often find yourself going through and saying, I'm
14:04
going to just push through the stress, just kind of, you know,
14:07
bunker down and head down and work through it?
14:10
And lastly, do you consistently make business decisions that are
14:14
in alignment with your core values?
14:17
Or when faced with short term challenges, do you sometimes
14:21
find yourself compromising on your values because you need it
14:26
for that immediate gain or win? OK, so there's five questions
14:31
that you can come back to or maybe you want to, just as I'm
14:34
saying them, you might be having some things download for you.
14:36
This could be an opportunity as well for you to just take a
14:38
second as I ask those and press pause on this episode and note
14:43
those in your notes pad on your phone.
14:46
Take a piece of paper out of Google Doc and say, OK, I'm
14:49
going to go back to these questions.
14:50
Rewind and ask myself and anything without judgement,
14:54
anything that comes up for you as I ask these questions, you
14:57
can note down. And I find the reason I say
15:01
without judgement is sometimes when we have these pop up
15:05
moments, these kind of aha downloads, those are sometimes
15:10
things that we make wrong or that we find, OK, we'll have to
15:13
have a plan to fix this. Or you have some, you know,
15:16
rumination you have over it to try to figure it all out when
15:19
really we don't have anything we need to figure out.
15:21
We just need to have an awareness right now.
15:24
So again, self-awareness. I just want you to be aware of
15:27
how these questions made you feel.
15:29
What are things that came up for you as I asked them and any
15:32
downloads that you had in the process.
15:35
OK, so pillar 2 of understanding and mastering emotional
15:40
intelligence is self regulation. And you're going to hear me talk
15:43
about self regulation and you probably have seen me talk about
15:46
it indirectly, whether I, whether I labeled it this or
15:49
not, I've been talking about this for years.
15:52
And it also, as I say, that has been something that I have been
15:56
working on and I have been putting in the reps to master
15:59
for years because it is, as I said, a skill.
16:03
And it's something that I would say of all of the pillars of
16:06
emotional intelligence is really my most difficult pillar.
16:09
It's the thing that I struggle with the most.
16:12
So self regulation is defined as the ability to control or
16:16
redirect. Disruptive emotions are impulses
16:19
and most importantly in the stressful situations in our
16:22
life. So it really is a matter of
16:25
being able to manage your emotional response so that you
16:27
can maintain your composure and make thoughtful decisions rather
16:31
than acting from impulse. Many people in my life would
16:34
label me as impulsive because I have this, this ability, I guess
16:42
I would say, or this, this pattern of when I feel
16:44
something, I want to act on it. I don't love to sit.
16:47
I've never been the type to love to sit in emotion.
16:50
And so sometimes, especially in the earlier stages of my
16:54
business, I would find myself having a situation come up and I
16:58
would get immediately rattled. Like I would have say like a
17:03
failed payment came in of, you know, someone's credit card for
17:06
all I know could have changed. And but I just saw failed
17:08
payment and I immediately had emotional response or I would
17:13
find that, you know, something that we did in marketing didn't
17:16
land or a launch didn't go the way that we wanted.
17:19
And I would find my emotions just like completely stirring up
17:22
inside of me. Sometimes it literally withdraw
17:25
off my entire week, the whole week.
17:27
I would just kind of feel in a funk and I would feel like I was
17:32
overwhelmed by this kind of like just dark, heavy energy in me.
17:37
Or I would find that I would just be like, oh, that's like,
17:40
it ruined my day because I was talking to people and circling
17:43
about it, discussing it, and then, you know, trying to make
17:47
plans around it before I knew the day was gone or the week was
17:49
gone. I felt like I got nothing
17:51
accomplished because I was just sitting in rumination on this
17:56
emotion I was feeling. And so there's that side and
17:59
there's the other side, which is when you feel it, what do you do
18:03
next? And I want to pass along
18:05
something that I actually was given again in therapy, which
18:08
has been so immensely helpful for me, which was to notice how
18:12
you're feeling. It's the three ends.
18:13
So notice how you're feeling, name that feeling and most
18:16
importantly, do nothing. And the notice it, name it, do
18:20
nothing has been such an incredible tool for me as a
18:24
coaching tool because even in my own business, I have just like
18:28
you have these situations that rattle me like I still to this
18:32
day, I'm not like a robot. Like I, I have these moments
18:35
that I'm like, oh, and it just feels like a sucker punch
18:38
because something happens and I'm like, OK, notice how I'm
18:41
feeling. I'm feeling tension in my body.
18:42
I'm feeling like I just want to run away right now or I feel
18:46
like I just want like fight or flight, like I want to fight
18:48
somebody right now. I'm just like so frustrated
18:50
about something. And I'll say, OK, I'm
18:52
frustrated, I'm annoyed, I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm whatever I
18:56
name it. And then I do nothing.
19:00
And what I mean by do nothing is I don't take an action that
19:04
could make that emotion worse. So many of us have emotions that
19:09
come up and we feel like it's so intense that we just want to do
19:14
anything for that emotion to go away.
19:17
And if I have learned anything in my 7 years of business, I
19:21
will tell you it is such a profound skill to be able to
19:26
have an emotion, notice it there, and have an awareness of
19:30
it and literally not do anything about it in the sense of make a
19:33
decision rooted from that emotion.
19:36
And it's extremely difficult to do because most importantly #1
19:40
it requires self-awareness that you even act on emotion.
19:46
And 2nd, it requires tools in self regulation pillar #2 to
19:50
have you have a toolbox to self regulate.
19:53
So aspects of self regulation, emotional control, you have to
19:57
stay calm and collected in really difficult, intense
20:01
situations. Impulse control, resisting the
20:04
urge to react impulsively and thinking through your actions
20:08
and taking a breath and taking space to be intentional about
20:11
what you're going to do next. Adaptability, can you adjust
20:14
your emotions, thoughts and behaviors to be able to respond
20:18
to specific situations. And also, most importantly,
20:21
accountability, taking responsibility for your actions
20:24
and their impacts on other people.
20:26
So let's go to adaptability because in the the aspect of
20:31
self regulation, one of the key elements is adaptability.
20:33
And this is the ability to change your thoughts, behaviors
20:38
and emotions in order to be able to respond to a situation.
20:42
And I think that that is the most professional skill you can
20:47
have as an entrepreneur because you and I both know there's been
20:50
situations in your business that have happened, and you have felt
20:54
so emotionally frustrated, and you have felt like, you know,
20:58
maybe anger or resentment toward a certain person or situation.
21:02
And all you want to do is take some kind of action on that.
21:05
But it takes a really incredible skill to be able to see that
21:11
there's something that is happening that you're
21:13
experiencing and that you're not going to let your emotions be
21:16
the way that you decide to take the next step to truly park
21:20
those. And it means parking the
21:21
emotions and feelings before you start that Zoom meeting, parking
21:25
the emotions and the feelings before you send that DM to
21:28
someone or that e-mail, parking the emotions and feelings before
21:32
you make that phone call, right? That takes skill because so many
21:37
of us are, again, not consciously aware that we're run
21:41
a lot by our emotions. And so the other way that I also
21:45
see regulation and the way that I see this with business owners
21:48
that I work with is like, some of them will have a problem.
21:51
And the first question is, how do I just throw money at this to
21:54
fix it? Like, who do I hire?
21:56
Like who do, who do I hire to fix this?
21:58
Who do I hire to manage this for me?
22:00
Like who do I just throw money at to solve this problem?
22:04
And underneath that, there's an aspect of lack of ownership.
22:08
I also see this as well when people will have a situation
22:11
with a team member and the first thing out of their mouth as
22:14
well, you know, she wasn't doing blah, blah, blah, blah.
22:18
And starts to go on with the team member or client.
22:20
Client doesn't feel happy with the results of the program or
22:24
the results of their service and brings it to the service
22:27
provider and says, hey, I'm not happy.
22:30
Is your response, OK? Well, let's look at where we
22:33
could have been better. Let's take a second here.
22:35
Or are you like, no, we've done a great service for this person
22:38
and we've done everything we were supposed to do.
22:40
And you know, she's a difficult client.
22:42
Are you instantly taking the emotion and pointing fingers?
22:47
And as I say this, I'm also not saying that you're not right, by
22:53
the way. I'm not saying in those
22:54
situations when you have a disgruntled customer that you're
22:58
not right, that when your client says they can't pay, that you're
23:02
not right to say, hey, but I have a contract.
23:04
I'm not saying you're not right. I'm saying that if we could take
23:08
a second to really tune into how we're feeling in our emotions
23:13
and take a breath before we respond, our response might be a
23:18
little different If we're grounded.
23:20
And that comes back to regulation.
23:22
And regulation can be done in a variety of ways.
23:25
One of the most important things, and I actually learned
23:27
this from my private client, Jenna Free, and she specializes
23:32
in helping people with ADHD. And one of the biggest things
23:35
she talks about in her content in her upcoming book and
23:38
everything is about regulation and the importance of regulation
23:42
in our day-to-day lives. Because the tool of regulation
23:47
is really the ability to be able to center your state and manage
23:52
your emotional state in a given moment without needing to go do
23:57
something else in order to do that.
23:58
And here's what I mean by that. It's not, hey, I'm gonna go to
24:02
yoga tonight to release this or hey, I'm gonna, you know, try to
24:06
work out a couple more times a week to manage this emotion.
24:08
It means in the moment when you get activated and when you have
24:13
this overwhelming emotion, what are you gonna do to 54321
24:17
regulate? What's your tool?
24:20
And for me, there's deep breaths, there's literally going
24:26
for a quick walk in a sense of like literally just, it could be
24:29
doing laps in my house. It could be going outside for a
24:31
walk. It could be sticking my face in
24:34
a bowl of ice. Depending on what state of the
24:36
day I'm in. It could be a million different
24:39
things. But the thing that I will say is
24:42
that regulation is the ability to neutralize your emotional
24:47
home in a given moment without needing to leave your specific
24:51
situation in order to do so. It has to be something as a tool
24:55
that you can do in the spot. It might even be a playlist that
24:58
makes you feel like 1,000,000 bucks and grounds you.
25:00
Whatever it is, it just can't be something that needs to be done
25:05
at another time or that needs to be planned in order to be able
25:08
to achieve. It has to be something you can
25:10
do with the resources available to you right now.
25:13
And so I'm going to ask you another five questions.
25:18
This is going to help you to understand where on the spectrum
25:20
of regulated or someone who has good self regulation are you.
25:25
And again, I want to encourage you that as I ask these no down
25:29
takeaways that come up for you, make a mental note of where are
25:32
maybe things that are coming to mind or, you know, ideas where I
25:35
think I'm doing really well and acknowledge yourself for those.
25:38
Or maybe there's areas where you're like, OK, that kind of
25:42
hit home a little bit. I'm going to dive into that
25:44
later. OK, so #1 when faced with a
25:47
stressful situation such as, say an angry customer or an
25:51
unexpected set back in your business, do you take a moment
25:54
to calm yourself before you respond?
25:57
Or do you often just kind of react based on how you feel?
26:01
OK, so when something stressful comes up, angry customer,
26:05
something doesn't work out, set back in the business, do you
26:08
take a moment to just center in calm before you respond?
26:10
Or do you just respond 2 Do you resist the urge to make quick
26:15
decisions in the moment of when you're frustrated or a moment of
26:19
pressure? Or do you often find that you
26:22
take action impulsively and you never really have taken time to
26:26
consider the consequences? So when you get this urge that
26:30
you need to make a quick decision because you feel
26:32
frustrated or pressure, do you resist that urge or do you act
26:35
impulsively and typically act without considering the
26:38
consequences of doing so when things don't go as planned?
26:44
Whether it's, you know, a delay in a project you're working on
26:47
or with a team, or with your, you know, say dissatisfied
26:51
client, are you able to adjust your approach and find a
26:55
solution? Or do you struggle to let go of
26:59
the attachment you have to your initial plan or what was, quote
27:03
UN quote, supposed to be 4. If something goes wrong in your
27:08
business, do you find that you are the first person to take
27:12
responsibility and look at your role and try to find a solution?
27:16
Or do you often find yourself talking about the person who's
27:20
responsible or the person that is to quote UN quote, blame for
27:25
the reality that's happening or the issue that is in front of
27:27
you? And five, when you feel
27:30
overwhelmed with the demands of business and entrepreneurship,
27:34
do you take time to intentionally manage your stress
27:37
levels, taking breaks, exercise, delegation?
27:41
Or do you often find yourself pushing through without really
27:45
addressing how that stress might be affecting your decision
27:48
making? OK, so regulation and you heard
27:54
me say the the words emotional home.
27:57
It's the core that you're bringing to any situation or
28:02
problem. It is the energy, whether it is
28:05
charged up and you're like, oh, and you're going into a
28:08
situation or the calm and the centered.
28:14
The difference in the energy you bring to something determines
28:18
the way you see it, which determines the way that you act
28:21
in it, which determines the decisions you make and the
28:25
outcomes you get in your business.
28:26
So as you can see, the outcomes you get in your business are not
28:30
just about strategies and strategies that because there's
28:34
also, there's the manual of the strategy, there's also the
28:37
operator. So the outcomes you want are all
28:41
going to start with your emotional home.
28:44
It all starts and ends with you first.
28:48
So self regulation is what's gonna help us to really make
28:52
sure we have that neutral home third pillar of emotional
28:57
intelligence. So we've gone through
28:59
self-awareness, we've gone through self regulation, and now
29:02
we're gonna hit on pillar #3 which is motivation and
29:05
motivation many of us know motivation, you know, in and
29:07
out. It really is the ability for us
29:09
to achieve goals for the sake of personal fulfillment and growth
29:14
rather than external rewards or recognition.
29:18
I'm going to say that again, because that's a very important
29:20
distinction, OK? Motivation is about internal
29:26
drive to achieve goals for just the sake of personal fulfillment
29:30
and growth rather than for external rewards or recognition.
29:36
It involves the ability to stay committed to long term goals and
29:40
maintain a positive outlook in the face of setbacks and
29:44
resistance. Now here's key elements that
29:48
will tell you you are somebody who is maybe doing really well
29:51
when it comes to motivation. You have a genuine interest in
29:55
all your goals and pursuits. You are passionate and you're
29:58
very enthusiastic about your goals.
30:00
You have also a big commitment to your goals.
30:03
So because that you set clear achievable objectives in your
30:06
business or in your life and you work consistently toward those,
30:10
you are potentially somebody who maintains a really positive
30:12
attitude. And even in the face of
30:14
resistances and failure, you find yourself really just
30:18
staying positive and seeking to see what could work and the
30:22
potential in the situation. And you have intrinsic
30:25
motivation, meaning that you are driven by internal satisfaction
30:29
and purpose and not by outside recognition or things external
30:32
to you. The thing that I want to say
30:34
about motivation, and many of us talk about motivation as
30:37
entrepreneurs, right? Because you know, frankly,
30:39
motivation is there's, I feel like I could do a whole episode
30:44
of motivation. Motivation is about goals, but
30:48
you'll also hear in that it's about vision too.
30:51
It's about seeing the intention of where we want to go and the
30:55
North Star that we have, and then also acknowledging the
30:58
stepping stones and the milestones to get there.
31:01
Now, the thing I see with business owners is many people,
31:06
that external portion of outside recognition and rewards is part
31:11
of the reason you're struggling to feel motivated in business.
31:14
Do you feel like you're really motivated when things are going
31:17
well? So like when you're making
31:18
sales, you're killing a launch. You know, everything's like
31:21
boom, boom, boom, which is like win after win after win.
31:24
But then in those seasons where those wins maybe start to get a
31:26
little quiet or you feel like you're not having as many of
31:29
those, you feel a little bit less motivated.
31:32
That is because you are motivated by external validation
31:37
and external rewards, not from personal fulfillment and growth.
31:42
And it's such a significant distinction because when you are
31:49
fueled by external things in business only, you are going to
31:54
have a roller coaster in your business of emotions, of
31:58
execution, of consistency, like you name it, you're going to be
32:03
all over the map. And that's because your
32:06
emotional state and really, frankly, your drive in business
32:10
is only correlated to the outcomes of your business.
32:13
So if your business is not doing well, you're not doing well if
32:17
that relationship is happening right now and your emotions are
32:20
high when you're killing it and they're low when you're not.
32:23
This is something I want you to dive into.
32:26
I want you to ask yourself, what am I really fueled by?
32:30
What about this fulfills me? And I will tell you from a
32:33
motivation place for me, for me scaling my business is not about
32:40
this idea of just like milestone or milestone or milestone.
32:44
Like yes, I'm going to be really transparent with you at the
32:47
beginning. It was about that when I first
32:49
started, I just want to make money and survive.
32:52
Like I was just like, OK, I got to make A5 KA month so I can pay
32:54
my bills. And then I want to make A10 KA
32:56
month so I can save a little bit more money.
32:57
And I just was always wanting to just go for the next milestone
33:01
because at that moment, it's like the hierarchy of needs.
33:04
I was just trying to survive. But as soon as you get over that
33:09
hump of survival, we got to do a little pulse check because I
33:14
work with, as you know, 7 figure businesses, multiple 7 figure
33:18
business owners. And so many of them still today
33:21
are immensely fueled by the accolades around them.
33:26
The follower count, how the real did, how many downloads their
33:30
podcast got, what peers are asking them to go to speak at
33:34
what events, the sign ups for their masterminds or the amount
33:38
of people that signed into their service for their agency, the
33:40
prices they're charging. None of that matters.
33:45
If that is what is required to motivate you in business, you're
33:49
done before you even started. And that's because that's not
33:53
going to fuel you for 10/15/20 forty years.
33:57
It's got to be deeper than that. And so the thing that I want to
34:00
encourage for you is to look at how can we get motivated and get
34:05
inspired to move and inspired to take action by something that is
34:09
not in our external environment, that is not dependent on only
34:14
when we win. People who have high emotional
34:17
intelligence, who have high motivation, have a deep
34:21
fulfillment and a desire for growth that is so strong.
34:25
There's such a strong hunger in them that they don't need
34:29
outside validation to give them a reason to continue and move
34:32
forward. So I want to ask you some
34:36
questions for you to kind of tune into yourself and see where
34:39
am I at in this bucket. So first, do you feel genuinely
34:43
excited and inspired by the work that you do every day?
34:46
Do you feel potentially drained, uninterested, or disconnected
34:51
from your business from time to time?
34:53
OK, so do you feel excited and inspired every day?
34:55
Or do sometimes you feel drained, uninterested, or maybe
34:58
even disconnected from your business?
35:01
Do you set clear goals that are meaningful to your business, and
35:05
do you consistently work toward those even when, most
35:08
importantly, even when progress is slow?
35:12
Or do you often get distracted and sometimes give up on things
35:16
when they don't go as planned? By the way, this is for all of
35:20
you who've had a launch and it's not going the way that you want.
35:23
And so you cancel the launch or you put something out and you
35:27
release it to your audience, and you don't have as many bites as
35:29
you thought you would. So you're like, OK, great.
35:31
And you take it down when facing challenges or setbacks.
35:37
Say you're having a slow month or you had a certain thing you
35:40
wanted to launch and it didn't go well.
35:43
When you have these situations and you're not signing tons of
35:47
clients, do you still have a positive outlook and look for
35:50
opportunities to learn and to improve and to reflect?
35:55
Or do you find yourself getting discouraged and often times
35:59
becoming negative about your business and maybe even about
36:01
your life? Another question, are you
36:04
motivated by personal satisfaction and the sense of
36:07
purpose that your business brings you?
36:10
Or do you find yourself really focused and deeply always
36:14
fixated on external rewards such as more money, more recognition,
36:19
or maybe even more approval from others around you?
36:24
And lastly, when things don't go according to plan in your
36:27
business, do you find ways to adapt and continue to push
36:32
forward or do you often times kind of have this mindset or
36:35
these thoughts that come of giving up because you just feel
36:38
like you're losing momentum? OK, so I really wanted just to
36:43
put a bow on motivation. Motivation is the continuing to
36:49
work and and push and have that hunger that is so charged and
36:56
deep in you that has nothing to do with anything in your
36:58
external environment, has everything to do with your
37:00
personal fulfillment and growth. And this I will say out of all
37:05
of these, in my opinion, is one of the hardest ones because what
37:10
do we know about some aspects of psychology?
37:13
It's like external rewards, right?
37:15
Like you, you know, dog does something good, You give the dog
37:18
a treat. Like we have seen and been
37:21
trained so much of our life to be motivated by rewards.
37:25
Think about when you were on a soccer team as a kid and you
37:28
would play on the soccer team and how did you know that you
37:30
guys did the best. You won the award at something.
37:33
We're in school. Maybe you won the award at the
37:36
talent show. Whatever it is, we're constantly
37:38
reinforced by this external, external validation.
37:44
And the reason I said at the earlier part of today's episode
37:46
that this is something so new to business is because this is
37:49
really new, frankly, to business, but also to behavior.
37:54
Because so much of us has been ingrained to go about things a
37:57
different way to seek out those external pieces to be the reason
38:01
we keep going. So my invitation for you around
38:05
motivation is if we don't have those external pieces, how can
38:09
we create consistency and create that hunger and create that
38:13
momentum in US without those things.
38:16
And I'm gonna tell you right now, if you can channel that and
38:22
if you can latch on to that feeling, you are literally going
38:28
to be unstoppable in business. It is when I started to feel the
38:34
most charge lit up, free, excited just like I could run
38:43
through a wall. Energy in my business is when I
38:46
don't need that stuff. I don't need a number.
38:49
I don't need an X amount of clients.
38:52
I don't need a certain follower count.
38:53
I don't need a certain amount of listens or downloads.
38:56
I don't need that stuff. I want to do it because I'm
39:00
excited about it and it fulfills me and I'm just constantly
39:02
learning for ways for myself to grow.
39:04
And that's what I want for you. I want you to be so uninterested
39:11
in all the external validation that you wake up every morning
39:14
with like a lightning pulled up your butt and you're like, I
39:17
wanna kick ass today. Not because I'm chasing a
39:21
number. Not because I need certain
39:23
followers. Not because so and so is better
39:26
than me. I'm trying to prove that I'm
39:27
better than her. None of that for you.
39:31
Literally for you. Just for you.
39:35
And so motivation, I, I just, I, I can't say enough.
39:38
This is so, so important as a business owner because the
39:41
ability to tune into this pillar specifically out of all 5 as
39:46
pillar #3 this is, in my opinion, one of the most
39:48
impactful as a business owner because it's going to be the
39:52
difference of those who succeed and are around for the long haul
39:56
and those who aren't. And I can tell you, this is
39:58
somebody who's been in business for years.
40:00
I had a lot of people who started business with me who are
40:02
not even around anymore. They're off the Internet,
40:06
they've disappeared, they've shut down their businesses.
40:08
And again, there's nothing wrong with that.
40:10
But the point is there are potentially some of those people
40:12
who, if they had some of these emotional intelligence skills,
40:16
might have been able to really last the long haul.
40:20
And that's what I want for you, which is why we're diving into
40:22
this today #4 we're going to dive into empathy.
40:26
So empathy is the ability to understand and share the
40:29
feelings of others. So it involves not only
40:31
recognizing the emotions of others, but also, most
40:34
importantly, being able to see the world from their
40:36
perspective. It's recognizing emotions.
40:40
So when are they happy? When are they upset?
40:41
Noticing that people are anxious, also really
40:44
appreciating different perspectives.
40:46
So where they're coming from, their point of view of the
40:48
world, it's active listening and really just listening to what
40:52
they have to say and not trying to just get the next word in and
40:57
appropriately responding to what they've shared with you.
41:00
And really just overall having compassion, deep, deep
41:04
compassion for people. And I'm going to give you of all
41:07
the businesses I've worked with, I will tell you there's one
41:09
common denominator where I see lack of empathy.
41:14
I see this in client conflicts. I guess I would label it.
41:17
And I've seen this in a couple different buckets.
41:19
So like say a client comes to you and they're dissatisfied
41:23
with your program. OK, so they don't like your
41:27
service, they don't like your offer, they don't like something
41:30
that you're doing. Instead of saying, well, my
41:34
offer is amazing. So like, I can't believe they're
41:36
saying this. Let's just take again, self
41:38
regulate. Let's take a pause and ask
41:40
ourselves, OK, well, how could we try to see this from their
41:44
point of view? And I had this actually in my
41:47
ecosystem as a conversation. And it made me think of it, the
41:50
importance in this moment of what empathy did, because there
41:53
was an individual that I was talking to and someone in their
41:57
offer had brought to them that they felt that their program
42:00
wasn't super inclusive. And what I meant by inclusive
42:03
was they felt like they really could use more downloads.
42:06
They would like to have more templates.
42:07
They wanted to have more video tutorial.
42:10
Like they just felt like they needed more resources in
42:13
specific types of mediums because a lot of it had been
42:16
audio in the program. And I remember when the
42:21
individual came to me and they're like, you know, what do
42:22
you think of this? And I was like, well, let's seek
42:24
to understand the individual came to you in your program.
42:28
Your client came to you who has a learning difference.
42:32
So like even for myself as I record this, I don't know if you
42:35
know this about me. It's in one of my earlier
42:37
episodes. We very sparingly mention it,
42:39
but I actually, when I was in grade 8, got diagnosed with a
42:42
learning disability and I appreciate more than ever the
42:47
understanding that we do learn differently.
42:49
Some people I need visuals like I am not an auditory person.
42:53
So like I need something that is paired with some kind of visual.
42:57
Hence why this podcast is a video as well as audio, because
43:01
I love to watch things. I I'm not the type who can be
43:04
really activated and moved by just audio alone.
43:08
And I'm definitely not somebody who digests information via
43:11
reading. So if somebody had a lot of
43:14
transcripts or if somebody had a lot of, you know, pages and
43:18
pages of text, while there might be amazing information in there,
43:23
I'm not going to digest it because that's not how I learn.
43:27
And so when this situation came up and this person said, hey, I
43:30
have a learning difference, and this program doesn't feel
43:33
supportive for me, this was such an opportunity to see the other
43:37
person's point of view instead of my program's good, I don't
43:41
need to change anything. This is how it is.
43:43
You know, you invested in it, take it or leave it.
43:46
Can we seek to understand where that person's coming from?
43:49
And so that's what this client did is that she said, OK, great.
43:52
We'll like, what could we change?
43:53
What could we develop? And she went back to the drawing
43:55
board and started to revise the offering to really be supportive
44:00
of that perspective. But there's a lot of people who
44:03
wouldn't do that. There's a lot of people who
44:05
believe that they made their product in the best way that it
44:08
should be made, and that's the end of the conversation.
44:11
And so seeking to understand another person's point of view
44:15
is important in business because there's a lot to be learned from
44:17
that. And I also see this not only in
44:20
delivery, but I also see this most importantly within payments
44:25
and, you know, failed payments. And what I mean by failed
44:29
payments, by the way, is that someone goes to process a
44:31
payment and it doesn't go through.
44:32
And that can be for a variety of reasons.
44:34
It could be they, you know, had their credit card compromised,
44:37
they got a new credit card. It could be that they genuinely
44:40
cannot pay. There's a variety of things and
44:44
something that I often get asked as a business coach is, well,
44:47
Kate, what do you do about, you know, people who want to pause
44:49
their payments or pause the program or, you know, not pay?
44:53
And my first question is, what are they going through, right?
44:58
Like give me context. What are what are they
45:00
experiencing? If I'm talking to a single mom,
45:06
let's just say she's a single mom with four kids and she can't
45:08
put food on the table, Are we really going to take her to
45:12
court about a $500 payment? Really.
45:17
That's how we're doing business now, right?
45:20
So to me, it's the seek to understand.
45:24
It's one of the core principles in our business.
45:26
Seek to understand, which is try to put yourself in her shoes,
45:30
try to work with her. And I will tell you this right
45:33
now, I have had very few fulfilled failed payments in my
45:38
business. And here's what I mean by that.
45:40
I've had many people's payments not go through, but in those
45:44
moments, what do I do? I get on a call with them and I
45:47
seek to understand. I'm like, tell me what's going
45:49
on, right? So like, if their business is
45:52
having a slow season, OK, great, tell me about it.
45:55
Or, hey, you know, we had the surprise bill because someone
45:58
got sick and we had this massive investment we had to make and it
46:01
wasn't part of the plan when I joined the program.
46:02
OK, great. Tell me about this.
46:04
Like, give me info. Let me see how I can support
46:08
you. And the thing that I found is by
46:12
having empathy, by having compassion, by seeking to
46:16
understand. I've had people who've been done
46:20
in an offer who have maintained payments even after they're done
46:23
just out of respect for how I handled the situation.
46:27
It has had long lasting impacts on the relationships with those
46:31
individuals because it's not just about money, it's about the
46:36
person. It's about having empathy and
46:38
compassion. And you know, something that I
46:41
learned from my mentor is like, if you're going to treat someone
46:45
like this and you're going to have a conflict with someone and
46:48
you're going to try to say, well, you know, this is a
46:50
business and this is how it's done.
46:51
How would you want someone to treat you in that situation?
46:55
How would you want someone to treat your daughter in that
46:58
situation? How would you want someone to
46:59
treat your sister or your mom? Like it doesn't matter who it
47:03
is, it's about people and the seek to understand, I think can
47:08
be a difficult one for people to kind of wrap their head around
47:10
because sometimes we get so in the boxes of like this is how
47:14
we're supposed to do business. But the thing that's important
47:18
in business for me is that we realize that all of the business
47:22
is only as profitable as how we are with our people.
47:25
Otherwise, none of the profit matters.
47:26
If we're stepping on people to build a profitable business, I
47:29
don't want it anyway. So empathy is a core element of
47:35
emotional intelligence. It's the ability to put yourself
47:37
in someone else's shoes. It's the ability to also have an
47:40
awareness, read the room. There's been moments where I've
47:43
gone on to team trainings with big businesses that are multiple
47:47
7 figures doing 5 million a year.
47:50
And we'll go on to a team meeting and I'm looking at this
47:52
person who's a team member and I'm like, they are tuned out.
47:55
Something is going on over there.
47:57
And so I remember messaging the CEO afterwards and I was like,
48:00
hey, you might wanna check on your team member.
48:02
And they're like, what do you mean?
48:03
I'm like, did you see her on the meeting?
48:06
And he's like, no, I, I really why?
48:10
And I was like, well, she was completely tuned out and like,
48:14
doesn't look like she's having a good day.
48:15
Like I would really, I don't know what her body language
48:17
tells me that something's not right.
48:19
Come to find out, there was things that were happening at
48:22
home and a lot of things that she was shouldering and
48:25
navigating that she hadn't brought up 'cause she didn't
48:27
feel like it was quote, UN quote, appropriate.
48:30
And he reached out to her privately afterwards and it
48:33
brought them so much closer. But that was only because I was
48:36
just happening to be on the meeting and noticing that her
48:39
energy and body language was off.
48:42
And so it's the seek to understand desire, get curious
48:45
to really understand how you can put yourself in that person's
48:49
shoes and see where they're coming from.
48:51
Because at the end of the day, what we know about business is
48:53
that business is so much about relationships and people.
48:56
So questions to ask yourself to tune into your level of empathy
48:59
in your business when you react with your employees, maybe team,
49:04
it could be customers, anyone. Do you notice when they seem
49:08
stressed, upset, happy? And most importantly, do you
49:11
take time to acknowledge their feelings, or do you overlook
49:15
their emotions and sometimes just focus on the task at hand
49:18
to get things done? Do you make an effort to
49:22
understand where other people are coming from and try to
49:24
consider their perspective, especially when you're in the
49:27
midst of a disagreement or a misunderstanding?
49:30
Or do you typically only focus on your point of view when
49:35
someone's speaking to you, whether it's a team member or
49:37
client? Do you listen attentively,
49:39
paying attention not just to their words, but also their
49:42
tone, their body language, and all of those things?
49:45
Or do you interrupt and typically mentally check out
49:49
when they're talking, sometimes finding yourself just waiting
49:52
till you can say what you're thinking next for when someone
49:56
on your team or maybe even a customer is facing resistance,
49:59
do you offer support and express concern for their overall
50:03
well-being? Or do you just typically focus
50:06
on the problem at hand rather than just how they're feeling
50:09
about it? Are you just like it?
50:11
You know, there's the feeling side, but let's just get to
50:12
solve the problem and kind of get things moving on.
50:15
When someone shares something emotional with you, do you
50:18
respond with understanding and care or do you typically avoid
50:22
talking about the emotions to just focus on getting a
50:25
practical solution? IE when someone's emotional
50:28
around you, do you feel uncomfortable with acknowledging
50:30
the emotions and kind of just want to solve the problem or do
50:33
you take space to acknowledge the emotions before solving the
50:36
problem? So that concludes pillar #4
50:40
empathy, and we go into our last pillar, which is pillar #5 of
50:44
your social skills, which is ultimately the ability to manage
50:48
relationships in your business or your life environment, which
50:51
includes communication, building rapport, resolving conflicts,
50:56
all in a way that is respectful and most importantly productive.
51:00
So this is communication, sharing of ideas in a clear,
51:04
respectful, intentional way that is appropriate rapport building,
51:08
resolving conflicts such as handling disagreements, but
51:11
still remaining all the while respectful to other everyone's
51:15
point of view. Also collaborating with each
51:17
other and fostering teamwork and cooperation between each other.
51:22
One of the ways that I see the social skills side, a very
51:25
evident example in business is in sales calls.
51:29
So I audit sales calls as part of my clients coaching.
51:33
Often times something that I see is that when people get onto a
51:37
sales call, there's the start of the sales call and it will go
51:40
something like this. Yeah.
51:41
Hey, like so great to have you on, you know, so great that
51:44
we're here, Like, so where are you from again?
51:46
Oh, I'm from Florida. Oh, great.
51:48
Yeah. The, the weather there looks
51:49
really, really nice. Super warm there.
51:51
Yeah. Yeah.
51:51
Amazing. OK, well, today that's what lack
51:57
of social skills looks like. It's you bypassing rapport and
52:04
looking to connect and build genuine connection and just
52:07
getting to the meat of it to get it over with already.
52:11
This also is seen on team meetings when people log on to a
52:15
team meeting and immediately go into the docket of OK like ABC
52:19
and D boom boom boom, let's chat.
52:20
Let's kind of check all the things off and get right into
52:24
tackling the stuff of the week. Rapport is such an important
52:29
thing to allow people to feel connected, and not feeling
52:32
connected is impactful to the way in which your relationships
52:36
will operate, both in coaching people, supporting people in
52:39
your services, your team, all of those buckets.
52:43
Also, conflict resolution. How you handle conflicts in your
52:48
team or with your clients or in your business in general is
52:51
important because that tells people what they need to know
52:54
about you. It's important for us to realize
52:57
that the way that we handle these interpersonal
53:00
relationships, not only when they're going well, but also
53:02
when we're having times of difficulty, is an important
53:05
skill for us to recognize and how that's going to create a
53:08
domino effect in our business of either great results or lack of
53:12
results and communication. Like one of the core things that
53:17
I see that I always usually I would say are very hyper aware
53:22
of is like people cutting each other off in meetings or cutting
53:27
each other off in calls. Or I will to the point of again,
53:30
like really fostering teamwork. I, I sometimes kind of find this
53:35
like top down approach in businesses where like there's
53:38
the founder, there's the person who created the business and
53:41
then there's the team or there's the person who made it, and then
53:43
there's like the head coach and then there's the other coaches.
53:45
Like there's always this hierarchy and because of that,
53:48
there's not this aspect of a shared communication that is
53:53
effective, that's open and respectful, and everyone has an
53:55
opinion. And so it's really important to
53:59
create the business that you want, that you make that
54:02
environment, even if it's just for you.
54:04
This is a great way to say, even with your clients, how can we be
54:07
more intentional and more respectful in the way that we
54:10
communicate, more structured in the way we communicate more
54:13
clear? And also how can we look to work
54:16
together? Like the thing that I coach a
54:19
lot of the big businesses that I work with and I what I coach
54:22
them on is like your team doesn't work for you.
54:25
You work for them. Like this is not like your show.
54:29
When you're a founder and you're ACEO, it's not like this is your
54:32
show. And like all these people work,
54:33
they work for me. As soon as I hear that, it's
54:36
like, no, they don't. You work for them.
54:39
And I'll tell you why, because those team members that work for
54:43
you are the team members who are building your freaking business.
54:47
So no, they do not work for you. You work for them.
54:51
You work to make them happy. You work to make them satisfied.
54:55
You work to ensure that their experience of your business is
55:00
enjoyable. You work to ensure that they're
55:02
constantly growing. You work to ensure they have a
55:05
good, fun work environment. You don't have people who work
55:09
for you, you work for them. And the faster you realize it,
55:13
the more collaboration and team culture you're going to have.
55:17
Nobody wants to work part of a business and a team where
55:20
there's this top down. I know everything and no one
55:21
else's opinion matters. And so that collaboration and
55:24
that team connection is really, really, really important.
55:28
So as our last pillar, I want to ask you the final questions.
55:31
OK, our final five. When sharing information with
55:34
your team or your clients, do you always ensure your message
55:36
is clear, respectful, and tailored to your audience?
55:40
Or do you sometimes struggle to convey your thoughts and have it
55:44
come across in a way that is often misunderstood?
55:47
Two, do you make an effort to connect with others on a
55:49
personal level and just simply look to maintain positive
55:52
relationships with them? Or do you tend to focus more on
55:56
tasks and business outcomes and often times neglect relationship
56:01
building with the individual? 3 When conflicts arise, whether
56:07
between team members or clients, do you approach the situation
56:12
with empathy, listening to all perspectives and then finding a
56:15
solution that represents everyone's needs?
56:18
Or do you often find yourself avoid addressing the issue at
56:22
all and it often escalating to conflict and not being resolved?
56:26
Four, are you able to effectively work with your team
56:30
and do you encourage collaboration and input from
56:32
others? Or do you often find yourself
56:34
prefer to work independently and you really struggle with group
56:37
dynamics? And lastly, when receiving
56:40
feedback from others, do you find yourself hearing different
56:43
perspectives, asking for clarification and often using
56:46
that feedback constructively? Or do you often become defensive
56:51
and sometimes even dismissive when you hear other suggestions?
56:56
And again, this is our putting a bow on our final pillar of the
56:59
the five pillars of emotional intelligence of social skills.
57:02
So again, just to go back to the summary for all of us to dive
57:06
in, right, We've got self-awareness, the ability to
57:08
recognize and understand your own emotions, self regulation,
57:12
managing and redirecting your disruptive emotions that happen.
57:16
3 is your motivation, your harnessing of emotions to pursue
57:18
your goals. 4 is empathy, the understanding of emotions of
57:22
others, and five is social skills, which is managing
57:25
relationships and building your network.
57:28
The thing that you'll see is a common denominator here, right?
57:31
self-awareness, emotions, self regulation, emotions,
57:34
motivation, emotions. The thing we're seeing here is
57:37
that emotions are the underbelly of business, like they really
57:42
are. They're the core.
57:44
They're the center of everything.
57:46
And so you've heard me probably talk in in past episodes about
57:49
the fact that I, you know, there's a season of my business
57:52
where I did not prioritize mindset and I didn't prioritize
57:56
managing emotions. And I thought all of this, I'm
57:58
going to be really honest, I thought all of this was kind of
58:01
like woo woo. Like I, I thought, I thought
58:05
emotions and mindset were just kind of like a, yeah, you know,
58:07
I got to get around to doing that stuff, but I didn't see how
58:11
impactful it really was. And now with learning all the
58:16
things that I have over the years in business, I will tell
58:19
you that understanding these five pillars of emotional
58:23
intelligence, not only where you are in them right now, but
58:25
actively looking to flex the muscle to get better at it, is
58:29
one of the most important strategies you could execute for
58:32
your business. Because so many of us want to
58:35
dive into, you know, I want to build a business, it's more
58:38
marketing. I want to build a business.
58:39
It's more sales, but you're at the core.
58:42
And so just like you're at the core, your emotions are at the
58:45
core with you of all the things that you touch.
58:47
And so the way you communicate with clients could be the reason
58:50
your clients are not resigning. The way you communicate with
58:52
your team could be the reason you have struggled with team
58:54
retention. You've had a lot of people leave
58:56
your business, right? So there's not necessarily
59:01
always a matter of a tactic that needs to happen, but more the
59:05
way we approach it. And one of the the things you've
59:07
heard me talk about in earlier episodes is this difference
59:10
between the playbook and the player.
59:12
And this was passed along to me from from my coach.
59:15
And he talked about, you know, it's one thing for everyone to
59:18
ask for the playbook, right? All of us want to know like,
59:20
what's the strategy? What's the tactic?
59:22
What's the next step? But the thing with the playbook
59:25
is it assumes that you're the player to execute it.
59:28
And so when people ask me for strategies, I can give you all
59:32
the strategies to make the inside of your offer top notch
59:34
so that your retention is amazing.
59:36
But if, if when a client comes to you and they're having an
59:39
issue with their payment or they're not happy with your
59:42
product and your first thing is getting defensive, nothing I
59:45
teach you is going to necessarily change that.
59:48
If your emotional home completely ruins the
59:50
relationship with your client and leaves them going out into
59:53
the world saying negative things about you, there's only so many
59:56
modules or onboarding templates that I can give you that will
59:59
help you to override that. The thing I can empower you with
1:00:02
though, is emotional intelligence.
1:00:04
But as I said the beginning of today's episode, emotional
1:00:06
intelligence is a skill. It's not something that is a is
1:00:10
a tactic. It's not a template that you put
1:00:12
into your world. It's literally a skill.
1:00:15
It's a way of being in your business.
1:00:17
And so I want to use today as an opportunity to encourage you to
1:00:21
say, where can I refine these things we've discussed today?
1:00:23
Where can I be more empathetic and compassionate to people
1:00:27
around me? Where can I really look to
1:00:29
better under understand myself and maybe analyze myself to say
1:00:34
what are the areas that I'm really good at and that I'm not
1:00:36
good at and try to get that awareness to as a step one to
1:00:39
start with, right? So how can we get some more
1:00:42
regulation tools in your world? How can you start to build a, a
1:00:47
toolbox, if you will, that you can go to in those moments when
1:00:51
you're feeling really heightened emotion to be able to regulate
1:00:54
yourself before you go into action.
1:00:56
And so today was an entire episode dedicated to helping you
1:01:00
to understand the five pillars of emotional intelligence.
1:01:03
I am so excited to see what these do for you and for your
1:01:05
business. And as always, you know that I'd
1:01:08
love to hear from you. And I love when you guys send me
1:01:10
the messages on Instagram and when you leave comments
1:01:13
underneath on YouTube, like it just means the world to me.
1:01:16
So any feedback you have, if you feel like something really
1:01:19
resonated today, I would love to hear from you.
1:01:21
If you maybe even just have general feedback about the
1:01:24
podcast. Maybe it's an impact that it's
1:01:26
had on you. You know, I, I often say this in
1:01:30
episodes, but when I record, I am just me with my microphone
1:01:34
and my camera. And sometimes I'm like, I hope
1:01:36
that landed, you know, when you're in a conversation with
1:01:38
someone, you can see their emotion, you can see their
1:01:41
reaction. You can see the light bulbs
1:01:43
happening. And obviously when I'm here
1:01:45
recording, I can't necessarily see those things.
1:01:47
So it does mean the absolute world to me to hear from you in
1:01:50
in any way that that is. And even if it's just a hey, I
1:01:53
listen to ambitious and I love the show.
1:01:55
Any message always means the world.
1:01:57
So all about to say, my friends, I wanted to say, I hope you had
1:02:00
an amazing week. I will see you next Thursday.
1:02:02
As always. And as always, my friends, stay
1:02:05
ambitious.