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May 11 - Finding Where I Belong · The Daily Ripples Podcast

• 0:03
  Well, welcome back to the Daily Ripples podcast.
• 0:06
  I am Pastor Mike, and as usual, I have our co-host Corey here with me today.
• 0:12
  And today is May the 11th.
• 0:14
  Our Daily Ripple is titled, Finding Where I Belong.
• 0:18
  And we begin, as always, with the stone.
• 0:21
  Belonging grows where honesty lives.
• 0:23
  As long as I hide what is real, I remain on the outside, even when I'm surrounded by others.
• 0:29
  Ripple 1 is practical. Today, I will choose candor over image. I will allow myself to be known,
• 0:36
  not just seen. Real connection begins when I speak honestly and listen without judgment.
• 0:43
  Ripple 2 is spiritual. As I open my life before the Father and walk in the truth of Christ,
• 0:49
  the Holy Spirit creates a deeper sense of belonging. I am no longer isolated by what I hide.
• 0:55
  Over time, honesty leads to peace, and I discover that I am fully known and still loved.
• 1:00
  And as always, we'll save our prayer for the end.
• 1:02
  But I did want to, Corey, before we go too much further, I have to point out, because this
• 1:09
  is something that I do sometimes by default, and again, I'm not saying this to kind of lead
• 1:16
  into ego or anything like that, but I'll just put it this way.
• 1:19
  My wife gives me a hard time if I'm preaching on a Sunday and I use too many big words.
• 1:23
  And so as I was reading through this, I thought that that's an unusual word in the Ripple One.
• 1:28
  Today, I would choose candor over image.
• 1:31
  Well, and so for anybody who's like, what the heck is candor out there?
• 1:34
  That simply means being honest in how I deal with others, you know, not hiding behind a
• 1:40
  false image, but being honest.
• 1:42
  And we've been talking about honesty quite a bit this month already so far.
• 1:47
  But this is, you know, talking about, you know, finding where we belong, you know, and
• 1:52
  And I get to thinking about that, you know, belonging isn't just about being around other
• 1:59
  people because, you know, I can be surrounded by other people and still feel like I'm outside
• 2:04
  or separated from them.
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  And for so long, that was exactly my problem in the disease of alcoholism is that, you know,
• 2:11
  I was constantly convinced that I was different than everybody around me.
• 2:15
  I could be at work or, you know, with family or wherever it was.
• 2:19
  I didn't really have a lot of friends at the time, but I could be around a lot of people
• 2:23
  and still feel completely isolated and alone.
• 2:27
  And, you know, there's a verse, and I know that it's not necessarily, you know, talking
• 2:33
  about, you know, God or what have you, but I think of the verse in the Old Testament, and
• 2:38
  I've been studying that and using that a lot here recently, but in the book of Ruth, you
• 2:42
  know, the first chapter, verse 16, you know, there's a line that says, where you go, I will
• 2:47
  go, and where you stay, I will stay.
• 2:49
  And regardless of the original meaning, what I get from that is that that's almost like God's promise to me, you know, as I read that, that God is there with me.
• 2:57
  And so once I got to the point where I knew and could believe that, you know, God was with me no matter what, then I didn't have that fear of being, you know, the same as everybody else or the fear of not being special or exceptional or anything like that.
• 3:12
  And I was able to just kind of let that go.
• 3:14
  And that's part of that humility that we're talking about, because today I can find where
• 3:18
  I belong in just about any group of human beings, because I could find something to relate to
• 3:23
  other people about almost no matter where I go.
• 3:26
  And that's something that wisdom, that discernment, if you will, that spiritual gift of being able
• 3:31
  to belong in any given crowd is something that grows over time or has grown over time in me
• 3:38
  by, you know, working through the 12 steps, you know, in recovery.
• 3:42
  And that's kind of the initial place that I think of with today's Daily Ripple.
• 3:47
  So, you know, you were saying that candor, what's the definition of candor, Pastor Mike?
• 3:53
  Well, I don't have the definition right in front of me, but candor is basically just being
• 3:57
  forthcoming, being forthcoming and honest.
• 3:59
  It's just another synonym, if you will, for honesty.
• 4:04
  So when I started, I think we've talked a little bit about this, but after all the trouble
• 4:10
  I got in, man, I was worried about getting hired for a job, especially in the field I was in.
• 4:16
  You know, I remember having a conversation with Bill. Me and Bill were on here. We kind of talked
• 4:20
  about it. Yeah, I was so scared and fearful of the world. I was like, man, I'm just going to go
• 4:25
  work at a treatment center. I'm going to go hide away because I'm going to be around my people.
• 4:31
  And, you know, I'm going to have to go face some of these people.
• 4:38
  Anyways, so when I, it was really cool, though,
• 4:41
  because, like, when I went, I was talking to my significant other
• 4:45
  about this the other night, too, because I don't think I told her about this.
• 4:48
  But, you know, it was crazy.
• 4:50
  So the first day I decided I'm going to go out there, find a big boy job.
• 4:56
  Man, I got on my knees that morning, said God, please help me find a job.
• 4:59
  you know, and so I can be of service to my family.
• 5:03
  Something along those lines,
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  and man, I put, the first application I put out,
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  I heard back from them in two hours.
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  And, you know, I went up there
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  and I talked to them for a minute
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  and I was kind of light on the money.
• 5:19
  It was cool because, like, I was light
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  and they said, you know,
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  you've been doing this for quite a long time.
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  Yeah, you undersold yourself.
• 5:27
  Yeah.
• 5:28
  Yeah.
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  And they said, we're going to give you a little bit more than that.
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  And I told them about my past.
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  And they're like, man, like, you know, you're honest with us.
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  And we think you deserve another chance.
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  And, you know, man, when I left, I cried.
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  You know what I mean?
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  Because, like, that, but, you know, we talked about this a couple episodes ago.
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  Because, you know, 9 out of 10, the unexpected happens.
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  Because I think I'm a bad boy.
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  I think I'm a bad guy.
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  And my ego overshoots it.
• 5:59
  sometimes too. It can undershoot it sometimes too in my favor, but it won't make me a bad person.
• 6:07
  And I think I'm just, you know, I'm not worthy. And, you know, I was going to talk about this,
• 6:14
  but, you know, I wasn't, but then, you know, I decided, but, you know, God,
• 6:17
  you know, what a cool thing God is, right? You know, because God loves me as much as he loves you.
• 6:24
  And God loves everybody the same.
• 6:27
  And God loves me the most in the world, but He loves you the most in the world too.
• 6:32
  And, you know, but, you know, when I come into life like that, that's like a completely
• 6:37
  different thing.
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  And we were talking about fear and it says, you know, the big book, it says all men of
• 6:42
  faith have courage.
• 6:44
  So I wonder why, you know, I was thinking about why that is.
• 6:47
  Well, God's been with them to walk through with them through different fears.
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  That's why they have courage through some of the things.
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  So, you know, but it all has to come back to me having God in my life to do that.
• 7:02
  I do not think I could be by myself with choice.
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  I can't go into something and just be completely honest, unless I bring God into it.
• 7:12
  Yeah, and what you were talking about, even the example that you had, you know, of going to apply for a job
• 7:21
  and having the honesty or being forthright about your past and some of the things in it.
• 7:28
  What I was thinking about is whether it's a job or whether it's with friends,
• 7:31
  whether it's in recovery, whether it's in a church, wherever I go,
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  if I have things that I'm unwilling to be honest about or unwilling to share,
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  then that becomes a barrier and a boundary that keeps me disconnected from the people around me.
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  And where I find peace and comfort and hope is when I'm a part of the group, you know.
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  And my first sponsor, who's gone on to the Great Meeting in the Sky, as it were, you know,
• 7:58
  he passed away during COVID back in early 2020, and that was Steve Davis.
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  But one of the things that he always said that he would repeat from meetings and whatnot was that
• 8:10
  he's just another bozo on the bus, you know.
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  And I know I've talked about that on this podcast before, too.
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  But really that, as silly as that sounds, you know, it becomes kind of a mantra of belonging,
• 8:21
  you know.
• 8:22
  It's a way of wording it to say that, you know, I just want to be a part of the group,
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  you know.
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  And because it says, you know, real connection begins when I speak honestly and listen without
• 8:36
  judgment.
• 8:37
  I can listen without judgment and I can still share, you know, a honest thought about it
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  as, you know, if I need to, you know, when I'm talking to, you know, other guys and sponsees in
• 8:51
  the program, you know, a lot of times, as you know, people early in recovery that we work with,
• 8:56
  they can say a lot of really untrue things, a lot of really, at times, immature things. They can say a
• 9:04
  lot of things that are, you know, too hard on themselves. They just, they don't have that wider
• 9:09
  perspective of kind of, you know, where they are and what they're going through. But I don't have to
• 9:14
  out every single thing that they say that I disagree with, you know, because that can
• 9:20
  quickly turn into, you know, someone thinking that I'm just judging everything they say and
• 9:23
  stuff like that.
• 9:24
  What I have to do is listen and get a sense of kind of where they are so that my higher
• 9:29
  power, you know, the Holy Spirit can guide me in meeting them where they are, you know,
• 9:33
  kind of being a vessel to meet them at the place where they are so that even people new
• 9:37
  coming into the program have that sense and that feeling of belonging almost right away,
• 9:42
  you know, right off the bat.
• 9:44
  Because that is one of the key ways that this program works, is that we're all a part of the same deal.
• 9:51
  You know, I'm going to talk about your prayer just a little bit, because it does say, it won't read the whole thing when we pray, but it says, Spirit, lead me into true belonging.
• 10:02
  Yeah.
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  And I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but, you know, when newcomers come into the rooms of recovery, you know, the herd does what the herd's supposed to do.
• 10:10
  They surround them.
• 10:12
  Yeah.
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  You know, most of the time.
• 10:14
  Yeah, yeah.
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  Unless they smell bad.
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  But, oh.
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  But anyways, no, it's a joke.
• 10:21
  I've seen them surround them even then, to be honest with you.
• 10:24
  Yeah, so, but they surround them.
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  They get that attention.
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  I don't know if you've ever noticed this, like, cycle, though.
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  But, you know, when, after it's been a little time, you know, they're not calling them every day.
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  They're not asking if they need a ride, where you've been.
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  Because the person's been around for a little while now, right?
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  And people kind of, you know, move on to the next new person.
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  And then, you know, I think about the people that you see do this thing.
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  They come in, they go out, they come in, they go out, and they do it for years.
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  I wonder sometimes, I wonder if that, you know, initial come in, coming back in thing is addicting.
• 11:02
  Because, you know, man, that's a lot of attention you're getting.
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  Right, right.
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  And so when I, you know, because when I come into the rooms of recovery, I feel like people are loving me for the first time in a while.
• 11:15
  And so then it says, Spirit, lead me into true belonging.
• 11:20
  Well, you know, Bill told me this a long time ago.
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  He said, Corey, do you want to feed or do you want to get fed?
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  And, you know, because there's two people in those rooms, right?
• 11:30
  Right.
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  People that are trying to hear those magic words and people that are talking about their experience, strength, and hope that have lived this program.
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  And, you know, it's weird that there's no in-between.
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  I wish there was, but maybe there is.
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  But, you know, I see that, like, you know, one of our friends talks really good about this.
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  You know, when you're sitting in the rooms, there's a time that you don't feel like you belong.
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  You know, without the steps.
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  Without the steps.
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  Right.
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  Because you come in and I find common problem, right?
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  But common problem, like it talks on page 17, it doesn't hold me together.
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  Because common problem, common solution, right?
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  I got to have both.
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  But at the beginning, Alcoholics Anonymous was the substitute.
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  Until someone came up to me and they're like, hey, man, we're going to go through this book.
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  Because this is the only thing that helps for me.
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  And I did that, and I felt I had a sense of belonging through that, too.
• 12:30
  Well, and one of the things, one of the cliches in the program is one of the things that I heard so many times,
• 12:37
  you know, whenever I first came in, was, you know, people would say in meetings oftentimes,
• 12:42
  and especially sponsors, they would say, we're going to love you until you can love yourself.
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  And that situation you were just talking about, about people that have been in and around the program for a long time,
• 12:54
  but they're not able to accumulate a lasting run of days and years of sobriety to kind of build it up.
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  Those are people that constantly need someone else to love them because they have not yet learned to love themselves.
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  It takes them longer to learn to love themselves.
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  Hopefully they will.
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  But for me and in my life, what I was thinking about about that is that the way that I learned how to love myself was by working the 12 steps,
• 13:20
  you know, was by studying, you know, the Word and listening to God, you know, talk to me and
• 13:26
  talk into my life and my heart more. But if I had not done that, then I wouldn't be at the place
• 13:32
  today where I could, you know, say that I love myself. And I might need that affirmation from
• 13:36
  other people more and being surrounded by the attention and the love that comes from, you know,
• 13:41
  going out and coming back in and all of those things. But we need to do a better job about
• 13:47
  or encouraging people to use the tools of the program and to use the tools of our faith
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  to get to the place of recognition that they are worthy and they are loved.
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  Because once I was able to love myself, then I don't need that, you know,
• 14:03
  direct attention from you or anyone else anymore at that point.
• 14:06
  Do you think that it was ever really about you loving yourself?
• 14:14
  Oh, this is fun.
• 14:15
  We need like three extra minutes on this episode.
• 14:20
  So I heard these words come from many, many different people.
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  They're like, we'll love you till you can love yourself.
• 14:27
  Yeah, yeah.
• 14:28
  Heard it a lot.
• 14:30
  And I don't know about you, Pastor Mike, but I've been loving myself for a long time.
• 14:35
  It's always been about me.
• 14:37
  My life has always been so selfishly about me.
• 14:42
  Even if it wasn't happy about me, it was still about me.
• 14:46
  Yeah, but I'll jump in because self-serving and self-loving are two different things.
• 14:51
  And what you're describing is being selfish and self-serving, not self-loving,
• 14:55
  because truly loving yourself means you never would have drank or taken a drug to begin with.
• 15:00
  But if I stop, if I just do this thing to love myself,
• 15:06
  I think personally they should change that saying.
• 15:12
  And this is what I think it should say.
• 15:14
  We will love you until you can love somebody else.
• 15:18
  That's just me.
• 15:19
  Because, you know, if we're talking about me to loving me,
• 15:23
  well, selfish self-centered, that's the root of my troubles.
• 15:27
  And so, and to me, man, when I've started loving other people
• 15:32
  and started taking me out of it,
• 15:34
  because that gave me the sense of belonging, right?
• 15:37
  Because that gave me that sense.
• 15:39
  And it gave me that sense I was loving somebody else.
• 15:41
  man, I'm actually doing something in this world and this purpose and belonging, and I'm being of
• 15:45
  service to God, and man, like, what a cool place that is. Man, it's almost like an acid trip. But
• 15:51
  it's like, you know, because like, man, it's all connected. You know, so when I really think about
• 15:59
  it, man, I think, you know, when I have that true belonging, yes, I can love myself, but I have to
• 16:05
  love others for that to flip. Well, and what I'll say to that, Corey, is even, you know, there as you
• 16:12
  were describing that, it sounds, it still sounds to me a lot more like being selfish and self-serving
• 16:21
  than it is about actually loving yourself. Because even scripture affirms in the greatest commandments,
• 16:28
  because the greatest commandments are what? To love the Lord your God with all your heart,
• 16:31
  with all your mind, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And the second, it says, is like
• 16:35
  and that is to love your neighbor as you love yourself.
• 16:39
  So it starts with you love your neighbor as you love yourself,
• 16:42
  meaning it starts from a place of self-love.
• 16:45
  You have to have the self-love because if you only love other people
• 16:49
  but you don't love yourself, then it just doesn't work.
• 16:54
  And self-love is not about being selfish or self-serving,
• 16:58
  which is all the things that you were just describing.
• 17:00
  Self-love goes back to, to me, I would almost equate it to the concept,
• 17:05
  you know, in recovery and in the Bible of humility. Because, you know, if I don't truly love myself,
• 17:10
  then I can't truly forgive myself. I can't truly be humble. I can't see myself rightly before God.
• 17:15
  We can agree to disagree. You can pray. And for any of those listening, our question of the day
• 17:22
  will be, who do you agree with, Corey or Pastor Mike, on this concept of self-love being required?
• 17:28
  You can send your responses to wave@dailyripples.com.
• 17:33
  Yeah, that's the way to get that in there, buddy.
• 17:36
  We figured it out.
• 17:37
  There you go.
• 17:38
  That's a Holy Spirit-led moment right there.
• 17:39
  Absolutely.
• 17:41
  That's exciting.
• 17:43
  Well, we'll close out with our prayer for today.
• 17:46
  Father, help me live openly and honestly through Your Spirit.
• 17:51
  Lead me into true belonging, rooted in Your love and reflected in my relationships with others.
• 17:57
  Amen.
• 17:58
  Amen.
• 18:13
  I couldn't
• 18:14
  I couldn't
• 18:15
  I couldn't
• 18:15
  not let you
• 18:16
  get
• 18:17
  the
• 18:18
  because I mean
• 18:19
  you know
• 18:19
  you lined it up
• 18:20
  perfectly
• 18:21
  in both things
• 18:22
  and I was like
• 18:22
  dog
• 18:23
  this is crazy
• 18:25
  because I mean
• 18:26
  I know the literature
• 18:26
  pretty well
• 18:27
  and like you know
• 18:28
  I'm reading, because I know you're versed in it, but you're not just like...
• 18:31
  I don't memorize.
• 18:33
  So I read, I study, and it's the same way with the Bible.
• 18:36
  I don't memorize chapter, verse, page number, and I don't memorize word for word.
• 18:41
  Because to me, what's more important is that I know the concepts and I know what it means.
• 18:46
  I need to know the meaning behind it.
• 18:48
  And that's why I love reading and studying different versions of the Bible,
• 18:52
  because through the culmination of reading all these different versions in English,
• 18:57
  you know, the language primarily I understand.
• 19:00
  That's how I get to the heart of what it actually means.
• 19:02
  But anyway.
• 19:06
  I'm going to pause you briefly because the line,
• 19:10
  and we'll edit this out,
• 19:11
  but the line that you read is in tomorrow's Daily Ripple.
• 19:15
  So I want to make sure you're on the right one.
• 19:17
  We're on May 11th.
• 19:19
  May 11th.
• 19:25
  Oh.
• 19:30
  Because you said in the line that says,
• 19:32
  and then you said a line that wasn't in the Daily Ripple today,
• 19:35
  and so then I started trying to find where you were.
• 19:38
  I didn't know.
• 19:39
  Oh, man, I had such a good day, too.
• 19:41
  Golly.