Latest / Sober Readings / Self-Restraint
Transcript
- Scott Hayes: Morning, everyone, welcome back to Sober Readings. My name is Scott. I'm glad you're here with me for today's readings. It is Sunday, the 11th of October. Let's get started today with the Serenity Prayer. God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference. Today's reading from Daily Reflections, Self-Restraint. Our first objective will be the development of self restraint. That's on page ninety one of Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. My drive to work provides me with an opportunity for self-examination. One day, while making this trip, I began to review my progress in sobriety and was not happy with what I saw. He goes on to say: as one disappointment after another kept coming, my discontent only increased, and the pressures within me kept mounting. In the past, when things went wrong, I instinctively wanted to fight back. During the short time I'd been trying to live the AA program, I'd learned to step back and take a look at myself. I recognized that although I was not the person I wanted to be, I'd learned to not react in my old ways. And this reading closes out by saying, I returned to my workstation, determined to make the day a productive one, thanking God for the chance to make progress that day. What I take away from this reading is one of the most valuable things I've learned in recovery. Is the importance of pausing before I respond to a situation, especially when my emotions are running high. I've come to realize that not every situation requires an immediate response, and not every thought or feeling needs to turn into an action. When I'm angry or frustrated or hurt or feeling disrespected, my first instinct isn't always my best one. That's where self reflection and self restraint become so important. Taking a moment to pause gives me the opportunity to ask myself, what's really bothering me? Am I responding to what's happening or am I allowing my emotions and my ego to take control? I've learned that there's a big difference between reacting emotionally and responding thoughtfully. Reacting is often impulsive, driven by feelings that may pass in a in a matter of minutes. But the consequences of those reactions can last much longer. I have a personal story behind that that I'll save for another episode. That brief pause gives me a chance to practice patience, acceptance, and humility. And sometimes the best decision I can make is to say nothing at all. I can't always control what happens around me or what other people say and do, but I can work on controlling how I respond. Notice I said work on, because reacting is something I've done my whole life. And I can't expect it to stop immediately. In sobriety, that kind of self-restraint can be the difference between making a difficult situation better or making it significantly worse. And I've learned that just because I have something to say doesn't necessarily mean I need to say it. Sometimes the greatest progress I can make in recovery isn't measured by what I do, but by what I've learned not to do. So in any given situation, ask yourself, does it need to be said? Does it need to be said right now? Does it need to be said right now by me? Today's reading from 24 hours a day. October 11, AA Thought for the Day. How good a sponsor am I? When I bring new members to a meeting, do I feel that my responsibility has ended, or do I make it my job to stay with them until they become good members of AA or have found another sponsor? If they don't show up for a meeting, do I say there's nothing more I can do? Do I go out of my way to find out if there is anything more I can do to help? And the question for the thought of the day, am I a good sponsor? The meditation for the day. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift to God. First I must get right with other people, and then I can get right with God. I should pray for the one against whom I hold the resentment. I should let God show him or her the way to live. If a man say I love God and hate his brother, he is a liar, for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? And in today's prayer for the day, I pray to see something good in every person, even the ones I dislike, and that I may let God develop good in that person. And I can certainly relate to today's reading. I've been thinking about what it really takes to be a good sponsor, and I believe one of the most important qualities is humility. Being a sponsor doesn't mean I have all the answers, that I've figured out this program perfectly. Or that I'm somehow more qualified at living life than the person I'm sponsoring. The truth is there are times when I don't know what I'm doing, when I'm unsure of what to say, and when I may even give the wrong advice or make mistakes. And I have to be humble enough to admit that. I'm still learning, still growing, and still working on my own recovery every single day. I think being a good sponsor means being available, listening more than I talk. sharing my experience rather than trying to control someone else's decisions and helping another alcoholic find their own relationship with a higher power or God as you may call them. It means being honest enough to say, I don't know, and willing enough to reach out to my own sponsor or someone with more experience when I need guidance. I also have to remember that I'm not responsible for keeping another person sober. My responsibility is to carry the message. Share what has worked for me and be there when someone needs help. Sponsorship isn't about being perfect, and it certainly isn't about being someone's boss. It's about one alcoholic helping another, and sometimes I think the person doing the sponsoring learns just as much as the person being sponsored. If I can approach sponsorship with humility, patience, honesty, and a genuine desire to be of service, then I believe I'm on the right path. And when I make mistakes, because I know I will, I need to be willing to admit them, learn from them, and keep showing up. For today's final reading, let's go to As Bill Sees It, page 30, getting off a dry bender. Sometimes we become depressed. I oughta know, I have been a champion drybender case myself. While the surface causes were a part of the picture, the underlying causes, I am satisfied, ran much deeper. Intellectually, I could accept my situation. Emotionally, I could not. And it goes on to say, part of the answer surely lies in the constant effort to practice all of AA's 12 steps. that was from a letter written in nineteen fifty four. One thing I've come to understand in recovery is that just because I put down the drink doesn't mean all my emotional and mental struggles suddenly disappear. Depression can have many underlying causes, including unresolved trauma, guilt, shame, fear, loneliness, and even things we don't fully understand. I've learned that sometimes the things I'm carrying around emotionally can weigh me down without me even realizing it. For years I didn't always recognize what was happening inside my own head, and I certainly didn't know how to deal with some of those feelings in a healthy way. That's where incorporating the 12 steps into my daily life has made such a difference. The steps encouraged me to look honestly at myself, identify my fears and resentments, acknowledge my mistakes, make amends where appropriate, and develop a relationship with a higher power. They give me a way to address some of the emotional baggage that might otherwise continue to build up. And the program provides me many tools to help me along the way. Meetings, sponsorship, prayer and meditation, daily inventory, service work, and perhaps most importantly, the fellowship of people who understand what I'm going through. Sometimes just picking up the phone and talking to another alcoholic can change the direction of my entire day. I've also learned that depression isn't always something I can think, pray, or work my way out of, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with seeking professional help, including therapy or medical treatment. The 12 steps aren't a replacement for mental health care, but they can be a powerful part of my overall well-being. For me, recovery is about much more than not drinking. It's about learning how to live with myself, understanding what's going on beneath the surface. And developing healthier ways to face life when things get difficult, which they will. I may not be able to eliminate every difficult emotion or every period of depression, but I can use the tools I've been given to keep those feelings from controlling my life or leading me back to a drink. And with that, I will say thank you all for listening today. I hope you will listen later on for the Came to Believe episode on Sundays. So that's all for today's episode of Sober Readings. Again, thank you so much for listening. I hope something you heard today stays with you and helps you along your way. If you'd like to be a guest on Sober Readings and share your experience, strength, hope, or your take on the readings, there is a link in the show notes below to send me an email. You'll also find a link in the show notes to my website, soberreadings.com, where you can learn more about sober readings and stay connected. Also, if you'd like to drop a dollar in the virtual donation basket for today's reading, Go to the support page on the website and click the button that says drop a dollar in the basket. If something you heard today made you think of someone, share this episode with them because you never know who needs to hear these words today. So thanks for spending a few minutes of your day with me. Be good to yourselves, be good to others, and remember we only have to do this one day at a time. So just for today, don't drink, go to a meeting, and keep coming back. Have a great day everyone, and as my friend Larry always says, best day ever.