Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 3 - Episode 305 - People pleasing

Transcript

Season 3 - Episode 305 - People pleasing · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

• 0:02
  Welcome to the Good Morning from the Chicken Coop podcast with
• 0:04
  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and mastermindset
• 0:08
  coach. Filled with inspiration,
• 0:10
  distinctions, perspectives, and possibilities, we help you to
• 0:13
  cultivate a mindset that leads you to create the best version
• 0:16
  of yourself you could ever imagine.
• 0:18
  Join Kim every morning from one of her favorite happy places,
• 0:21
  her chicken coop, along with all her chickens.
• 0:27
  Hey everybody, good morning from the chicken coop.
• 0:30
  So we're talking about people pleasing today.
• 0:34
  It is one of the hardest things to get people to understand when
• 0:38
  they say, oh, I'm a people pleaser.
• 0:40
  They think it's, you know, a bad thing to want to please people.
• 0:44
  And it's not a bad thing to want to please people when you do it
• 0:48
  to your own detriment and you're allowing it to take over for
• 0:51
  yourself and you are not happy with what you're doing for those
• 0:55
  people and doing it unconditionally.
• 0:58
  That is the key. Unconditionally then we have a
• 1:02
  problem. But I, I, I even challenge that
• 1:06
  because everything we do has a condition.
• 1:08
  Everything that we do as human beings is conditional.
• 1:11
  If I, I come out here and I take care of the chickens, I do this
• 1:15
  because it makes me feel good. I get something from it.
• 1:18
  So the people pleasers out here listening, you do this because
• 1:21
  you get something from it. And it's not just the fear of
• 1:24
  not being liked or the fear of not being included or anything.
• 1:28
  There's something else you get from it.
• 1:31
  And you have to be really, really honest with yourself and
• 1:34
  dig in and figure out what is it that I get from this.
• 1:37
  So for me, when I was little, I was definitely that person.
• 1:41
  I, I did not fit in. So it was really important for
• 1:45
  me to be able to have people like me and I would do things to
• 1:49
  make sure people liked me so that I could have that result.
• 1:54
  And it never worked. Let me be very clear on that.
• 1:56
  It never worked because they were going to like me.
• 1:59
  They were going to like me, and if they didn't, they didn't.
• 2:00
  And that was the end of it. But I was too little and I
• 2:02
  didn't understand the complexities of all of this.
• 2:05
  And what I got from trying to please everybody around me was I
• 2:11
  felt like I was constantly looking for their approval.
• 2:16
  I was constantly looking for their approval.
• 2:19
  And I was then once I had their approval, I could approve of
• 2:22
  myself. So what I was getting from it
• 2:24
  was that feeling of there's a path to the end result.
• 2:27
  I'm, I'm like, I'm going through this.
• 2:30
  And then I can approve of myself if they approve of me.
• 2:32
  I can feel good about me if they approve me.
• 2:34
  So what I was getting was twisted.
• 2:36
  You have to look at this in a very big picture and dig into
• 2:40
  yourself and ask, well, what am I truly getting like now when I
• 2:44
  come out here and I'm taking care of the chickens, I get this
• 2:47
  joy of just being able to be out here with them.
• 2:51
  And it's unconditional in the sense that I'll do anything to
• 2:55
  take care of them. But believe me, I am getting
• 2:58
  something back from it. So when you start to think of
• 3:03
  yourself, if you are a people pleaser, the very first question
• 3:06
  if you believe you're a people pleaser, the very first question
• 3:08
  you have to ask yourself is am I happy with that or does it
• 3:11
  disappoint me when they don't think of me the same way is do I
• 3:15
  find myself being disappointed if I don't get the reaction I
• 3:18
  want? So a good example is my daughter
• 3:21
  was telling me a story about how she gave someone a nice tip at
• 3:24
  the counter because they helped her out getting something set up
• 3:28
  for her that was gluten free. And she's like, I, I put $5 in
• 3:32
  the jar and the person didn't even say thank you.
• 3:35
  And I know he saw me do it. And I was like, OK, so did you
• 3:40
  give him that because you wanted the reaction?
• 3:43
  And she's like, no, I gave it to him because he did a good job.
• 3:46
  I said, then you're you're trading here and you're not
• 3:49
  realizing that you're still looking for the reaction.
• 3:52
  And she was like, Oh, yeah, that's true.
• 3:54
  And that happens a lot with us. We want a big reaction because
• 3:58
  we want to know we did a good thing, we did something.
• 4:01
  We want that back. But we have before we actually
• 4:04
  give the tip, whatever the situation may be, but we'll just
• 4:07
  call it the tip. We have to acknowledge that
• 4:09
  we're looking for something out of it.
• 4:11
  We say, OK, I'm looking for that.
• 4:13
  And if we're and if we're honest, we can say, I wish that
• 4:17
  I had that reaction. And if we didn't, we wouldn't
• 4:21
  know. But once we know, we can say,
• 4:23
  OK, do I want to detach from that?
• 4:25
  Am I just going to give and not going to have any, any recourse
• 4:28
  for what it is? I'm going to set it free.
• 4:30
  I'm going to let it go. I'm going to let it just fly out
• 4:32
  there and be unconditional, put the tip in the jar and see what
• 4:35
  happens. And that's the crux of this.
• 4:39
  When you are people pleasing, you have to go back and say, am
• 4:43
  I doing this because I truly enjoy people pleasing?
• 4:46
  I want to see people smile and then I get the smile and I can
• 4:49
  walk away. Or if they don't smile, am I
• 4:52
  doing it just because I know I did the right thing and I can
• 4:55
  still see me smile? That's the question, my friends.
• 4:59
  So dig in, look at it, because that's an important one.
• 5:03
  And it frees you when you know this, because you can go back
• 5:06
  and ask the question before you do the ACT.
• 5:09
  You can ask the question and all of a sudden you've set yourself
• 5:12
  free. The trap is no more.
• 5:13
  You are not stuck in people pleasing mode.
• 5:17
  All right, my friends, I hope you have a blessed day and I
• 5:19
  will see you tomorrow. Bye.