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Alexian Wines: Bold Leadership Starts with Heart · The Bold Lounge

• 0:07
  Speaker: Welcome to the Bold Lounge Podcast.
• 0:09
  Speaker: My name is Leigh Burgess and I will be your host.
• 0:12
  Speaker: If you're anything like me, you love hearing inspiring stories of people who have gone on bold journeys and made a positive impact in the world.
• 0:20
  Speaker: This podcast is all about those kinds of stories.
• 0:23
  Speaker: Every week we'll hear from someone who has taken the leap or embarked on an extraordinary journey.
• 0:28
  Speaker: In addition to hearing their stories, we'll also learn about their bold growth mindset that they use to make things happen.
• 0:34
  Speaker: Whether they faced challenges or doubts along the way, they persisted and ultimately achieved their goals.
• 0:41
  Speaker: These impactful stories will leave you feeling motivated and inspired to pursue your own bold journey.
• 0:46
  Speaker: I believe everyone has a bold story waiting to be free.
• 0:49
  Speaker: Tune in and get ready to be inspired.
• 0:53
  Speaker: Today we're joined by Alexian Wines, an operations executive and motivational speaker who leads with her heart.
• 1:05
  Speaker: Alexiane's career began in the White House council's office under President Clinton and continued at the National Security Council under President Bush during the lead up to and the aftermath of 9-11.
• 1:16
  Speaker: She later helped build Bower Group Asia from the ground up, bringing a deeply held belief to the demands of global business to take care of your people first and lead with heart.
• 1:26
  Speaker: In 2025, she created Letters to Lily, a book about the lessons in leadership and loving yourself.
• 1:32
  Speaker: Through these letters to her younger self, Alexian shares real moments from her journey, both personal and professional, comparing leadership lessons with the guidance and self-compassion she wishes she had had all along the way.
• 1:44
  Speaker: Her work explores empathetic leadership, workplace culture, and the power of our words and the warning signs of burnout.
• 1:51
  Speaker: At the heart of it all, it is her belief that leadership starts from within and that everyone deserves to feel seen, supported, and valued.
• 1:58
  Speaker: Welcome to the bold lounge.
• 2:00
  Speaker: Thank you, Lee.
• 2:01
  Speaker: I'm excited to be here.
• 2:02
  Speaker: Let's start off with your definition of bold.
• 2:05
  Speaker: If you were to find it at this point in your life, what would be your definition of the word bold?
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: Well, I guess I would first recognize that it probably has changed over time.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: But at this stage in my life, I think that for me, being bold means making a choice every day to bet on myself and give myself permission even to prioritize self-care.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: It also means for me breaking the chains of insecurity, choosing to believe in who I am at this stage in my life and what I'm capable of.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: And it also means quieting that inner critic and sometimes those outside voices who make me question my value.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: And I would say that no matter what, every day, it means having the courage to lead with heart.
• 2:54
  Speaker: I love that.
• 2:55
  Speaker: So choosing yourself, choosing to take care of yourself as well, choosing belief over doubt or self-doubt, having a greater than sign towards belief versus uh self-doubt.
• 3:06
  Speaker: And then quieting the inner critic, right?
• 3:09
  Speaker: And the things that can come up and out of nowhere uh in our lives as we're continuing on our journey, it's being able to understand how to speak to it and how to quiet it.
• 3:19
  Speaker: And all of that to me sounds like it's all wrapped up in what is leading with heart, not only leading others with heart, but leading yourself with heart.
• 3:28
  Speaker: Would you agree with that?
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, 100%.
• 3:30
  Speaker: So when you think about a time in your life that you've led with heart, you've quieted that critic, you've chosen yourself and the belief in yourself.
• 3:39
  Speaker: What's a moment that comes up for you?
• 3:40
  Speaker: We have so many bold moments.
• 3:42
  Speaker: Uh you could just pick one or a recent one or an older one, whichever ones you want to talk through.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll I'm gonna go way back because I think that there is a moment that has really shaped so much of who I am, how I lead.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: And it's a long time ago.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: So I was in the eighth grade, and I literally had a teacher who, in front of the entire class, looked at me and asked me if being stupid came naturally to me or if I had to work at it.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: And so she became one of those critics that I have to quiet in my mind because for me at that stage in my young life, I assumed that if one teacher thought I was stupid, that they all probably did.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: And even worse, it made me question whether I might be stupid.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: So I would say that a bold move for me came when I fell in love with the theater and with movies because I felt like watching that allowed me to escape into someone else's world.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: And I'll just give a plug for the movie Say Anything with John Cusack.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: It was obviously not an award winner, but I thought that his love interest was fabulous and that she was so articulate and she was beautiful and all of the things that I sort of questioned as to whether I was or not.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: And so I became motivated to learn to speak better, thinking that if I could be like her, maybe teachers wouldn't think I was stupid.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: So in the 10th grade, I signed up for speech and debate.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: Now, that actually might have been a stupid moment because how I thought I was ever going to take speech and debate and not have to speak, I do not know.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: But that is exactly what I did when I went into the class.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: I thought that I would, by osmosis, learn to speak better.
• 5:26
  Speaker: Well, you were stepping out of your comfort zone for sure, right?
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Oh, yes.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: So I got in there and it said the syllabus was passed out, and it said, you will deliver your first speech in three days.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: And I was in the 10th grade and I looked around the room and I saw, you know, sophomores, juniors, and seniors.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: And I remember thinking, oh no, I will not.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: And I went to the guidance counselor and I said, I need to take another class because I can't speak in front of these people.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: And I guess he must have agreed because I left his office with a withdrawal slip to take typing.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: And I guess he figured if I couldn't speak, I could always type.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: Which that's a whole nother podcast.
• 6:07
  Speaker: That is a whole nother podcast subject.
• 6:09
  Speaker: And I'm just biting my lip right here.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: I went back to the teacher, the speech and debate teacher, and I handed her my withdrawal slip and she said, What is this?
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: And I said, It's my withdrawal slip.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: And she said, I can read that, but why?
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: And I said, I'm gonna take typing.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: And she said, I can read that, but why?
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: And with tears running down my face, I told her, I cannot do it.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: I cannot speak in front of these people.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: And in that moment, she looked at me and it felt like 20 minutes, right?
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: It was probably 20 seconds.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: And she pushed the withdrawal slip back across the table and she said, and I won't do it.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: I will not do this because I believe that you can do it.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: And I would just say that that teacher in that moment helped change the entire course of my life.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: And she taught me in that very precious moment the power of our words.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: It was like I needed somebody else to believe in me before I could believe that I could do it myself.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: And so to me, not only was it bold to sign up for the class, but I felt like once I had that permission, I became a little bit bolder because I stayed in that class and I actually ended up doing very well.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: But it really taught me how much power we can give to other people and to the voices that may not serve us well and may not even be true, right?
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: I just because that teacher might have had a bad day, I let it shape so much of who I thought I was.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: And in fact, someone else was able to shift that entire perception in just what, seven words?
• 7:41
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 7:42
  Speaker: So the power of our words really is important for so many reasons.
• 7:46
  Speaker: Not only what you talk about leading with heart, but also your most recent book, Letters to Lily, your second book, along the same lines with regard to telling our story.
• 7:56
  Speaker: And I think what comes out of that is I bet when you even share this, and there's probably other examples of good and potentially negative, but I feel like as we get older, we start to decide what messages we let in.
• 8:11
  Speaker: Would you agree with that?
• 8:13
  Speaker: And if so, how do you decipher of what should be let in to connect with me and my leadership and what I'm doing and the things that I do?
• 8:23
  Speaker: Because you have a big job and you speak all over the place and you have a book and you have a lot of positive things happening with regard to your work.
• 8:31
  Speaker: But sometimes there's a lot of naysayers, even when you're doing great things, people may not understand it.
• 8:36
  Speaker: What's your strategy for limiting the noise you let in?
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Well, Lee, I would love to tell you that I have mastered that, but I will probably have to admit that I still let in far too much noise.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: And oftentimes, you know, my brain can go to the worst space when someone says something, and and I have to really stop and think about it and then try to reframe like, is this something that's serving me?
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Is it even true?
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: You know, I think one of the biggest lessons in my professional career has been, and maybe even personal, is that perception is reality, but it doesn't make it true.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: And I think so often as people, you know, we might not have those follow-up conversations.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: And that's one of the things that I've really had to do is if there's something that I've heard that is that critic, if you will, I have to address it.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: I'm not somebody that likes to have the tension between how I think that it came out or how I might have perceived it.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: So sometimes I'll literally go back and talk to someone.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: Hey, I was just wondering, like you, when we had this conversation, you said this.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: I just want to like, is that what you meant?
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: Like, did you did you mean to say it that way?
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: I could because I personally thought that that meant X and maybe you meant Y.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: And then there are those things that, like, that teacher from a long time ago, I never really addressed it, but I had to learn for myself that I can't hold on to it.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: It wasn't serving me, it was hurting me.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: And so I had to sort of like forgive her and recognize that my value is not tied up in what she may or may not think.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: And I think that is a big lesson that I continue to talk to other people about, but also have to remind myself that we can carry things that are not ours to carry for far too long.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: And we really, really need to say, wait a minute, is this serving me?
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: And so often it's not.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: And at the end of the day, I mean, what I think I realize more than anything is we have to be responsible to ourselves.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: And there are always going to be people, and I don't know why it's like this, but not everybody is gonna get along, right?
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you can walk into a room and you can get those spidey senses, and it may not even have anything to do with the other person.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: It's just a feeling.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: And so sort of acknowledging that and going on and moving about your day is sort of what's necessary at times.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: But anyway, yes, that's that I guess that would be a very long answer there.
• 11:03
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 11:04
  Speaker: So letting in the noise really comes from you being able to decipher what's relevant for you right now, as well as remembering that it's not always personal.
• 11:14
  Speaker: I think that's one thing that I used to do.
• 11:16
  Speaker: I still do it here and there and probably too much, is I take things personal.
• 11:21
  Speaker: If I get a no, it's not that they don't like me, it's not that they don't like what I do, it's just a no.
• 11:27
  Speaker: And it could be for now, it could be forever, but I do like, oh, you know, I expect maybe something.
• 11:32
  Speaker: So I think what I've been working on is like not lowering my expectations or goals or anything like that, but also realizing that it's not personal when it might feel like it.
• 11:44
  Speaker: I don't know if you agree with that sometimes, especially as an author and a speaker and even as a leader within your organization.
• 11:50
  Speaker: I mean, everything feels sometimes like because we care so much, right?
• 11:53
  Speaker: We lead with heart that it is personal.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: You said it so much better than I did, but I just took what you said and summarized.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: That's all that's I 100% agree with that.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: And I think that, you know, it's also to your point about maybe no, not now.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: I also sort of reframe and say, no, because there's something else that I'm meant to be doing or some impact that I'm meant to be having, that this, even though it looks like the shiny whatever, it's not meant for me right now and maybe ever.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: And that I need to keep that room open for where my impact is most gonna serve.
• 12:30
  Speaker: So I love that.
• 12:31
  Speaker: So like your external life begins to exceed potentially sometimes our internal belief of what we can do or what we can achieve, right?
• 12:38
  Speaker: It's like, oh, you want me because we have some offer or someone reaches out to us or we connect with someone and we're like, oh, you you really would like me to do that.
• 12:46
  Speaker: And sometimes I know I have been.
• 12:47
  Speaker: I don't know if you've been in a situation like, wow, I can't believe I'm doing this.
• 12:50
  Speaker: And it's like, oh, I how quickly it can change, right?
• 12:53
  Speaker: Give yourself 24 hours is usually what I say to people like give yourself 24 hours, like you you'll see it in a different light in a day.
• 12:59
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 12:59
  Speaker: So these moments, these the power of the words that you experienced in uh you know junior high and high school led you to keep going, keep moving into this space of leading.
• 13:10
  Speaker: How did you end up at the White House?
• 13:12
  Speaker: How does someone end up there?
• 13:14
  Speaker: Like, was that a goal you had, or was just something that came along your career path?
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: No, I'm gonna know.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: Um, so I grew up in a very small, very small town.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: And I grew up with the thought, if you will, that I could be what I could see.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: And so growing up in a very small town, that lens is very limited.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: And my mom and dad divorced when I was only three years old.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: And my mom went back to work from being a stay-at-home mom with no college education.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: So she actually started working at McDonald's.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: And as you can imagine, being a single parent breadwinner and working at McDonald's, we were certainly not taking lavish vacations or seeing other parts of the world that made me think, ooh, I would love to work here, or I wonder what international work I could do.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: That was not even in my mentality.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: So when I graduated from high school, I was 17 at the time, and my mom said, I love you, but I cannot afford to pay for college for you.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: And if you're gonna continue to live with me, I'm gonna need you to start paying rent.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: Well, as you can imagine, that was like a shock to the system, right?
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: It was like, oh my gosh, like nobody that I know is in that category, right?
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: Their parents were sending them to school or, you know, whatever the case may be.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: Definitely nobody was talking to me about paying rent.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: So again, I figured, what am I gonna do?
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: I've got to work.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: So, whereas most people were going off to college, I actually went to work full-time for a couple of years before going to community college.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: And what I found is that I wanted to do something that gave me passion and I love working with people and I really, really, really enjoyed government.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: So I thought I will teach, I will become a government teacher.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: And I ended up at the University of Virginia pursuing an American government degree and found that I needed to do an internship in my major.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: And so I went to my dorm and Dillard Hall and I typed in government internships.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: And guess what came up?
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: The White House.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: And I figured, well, why not?
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: The only thing they can do is tell me no.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: And I applied, and as luck would have it, I was one of only five interns out of however many thousands apply, and a couple hundred make it.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: But of those, five of us were chosen to actually interview for positions.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: And so I interviewed with the director of Oval Office Operations and then also President Clinton at the time, his personal assistant.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: And lo and behold, I ended up getting the call that said, Betty Curry wants to work with you.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: And never ever, never ever, never ever did I think that I would end up working for two US presidents on different sides of the aisle in completely different capacities, or that this girl from small town Warrington, Virginia, would end up leaving the United States for the first time in her life with the president of the United States.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: And so I would say that one of the biggest lessons there was you can do and be and have anything that you dream of if you are willing to put in the work for it.
• 16:21
  Speaker: And I'll add one thing and believe it.
• 16:23
  Speaker: I have a little saying that's by the coffee maker, and it's like you can pray for anything, you have to have faith and belief in it.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: Yep, 100%.
• 16:31
  Speaker: Yeah, and so religious or not, like you have to have the belief.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: Right, 100%.
• 16:37
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 16:37
  Speaker: I love that, you know, you just Google internships and that one comes up and you apply, and it's kind of like sometimes, you know, people will say, Well, how did you get that job or how did you do that?
• 16:46
  Speaker: And I'm like, I just applied, you know, and people are like, Oh my gosh, you know, that's unheard of.
• 16:51
  Speaker: And it was meant for you, right?
• 16:53
  Speaker: But you don't know until you try.
• 16:55
  Speaker: So there was a sense of like, I can I can try at least.
• 16:58
  Speaker: And what's the worst thing they could say?
• 17:00
  Speaker: No, right?
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: That would be the worst.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: And interestingly, I also had one of the harshest moments right after I started working, because this woman, I guess I should say young woman, who had been accepted into the interim program, she came past me and she just looked at me without even knowing me.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: I'd never met this woman in my life.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: And she said, Who'd you know?
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: And I said, I'm sorry, what?
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: And she said, Who did you know?
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: And I couldn't understand what she was saying.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: I was like, What do you who did I know?
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: What are I'm sorry, what are you talking about?
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: And she said, Who did you know to get this?
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: And I said, I didn't know anybody.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: And she said, No, no, but who did your parents know?
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: And that was such another like critic in my mind because that translated to me, like, was you're not worthy.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: You must have known someone.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: Your family must have known someone in order for you to be in this capacity.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: And that was another thing that I had to sort of work through.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: And I thought, even worse, this was another woman.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: Like that really drives me nuts.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: Like when women are not other women, especially at that age, I just thought, wow, wow, where are we going from here?
• 18:05
  Speaker: It kind of jars you a little bit.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:07
  Speaker: So even young, you know, someone saying that to you, like you didn't deserve it or like you didn't earn it.
• 18:12
  Speaker: It's again, power of the words, right?
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: And I was so happy to be able to say to her, we didn't know anyone.
• 18:19
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Because to me, that was like that was the real beauty of that story, is that hard work got me to that position.
• 18:26
  Speaker: And a great interview, and obviously all the substance behind it.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 18:30
  Speaker: So the lesson there is go for it when even when it seems like a something big or something that could never happen.
• 18:36
  Speaker: I think it's always good to, you know, if you want it, go for it.
• 18:39
  Speaker: Put your hat in the ring, submit it, ask the question, tell the person you're interested in the role, whatever being bold looks like uh for you.
• 18:48
  Speaker: Because I think advocating for ourselves is one of the things that I know I I started early on in my career, but no one ever said, make sure you advocate.
• 18:56
  Speaker: You know, I was more so I just kind of grew up in a home where like it was you really do speak your mind and you do, you know, have the conversations even when they're uncomfortable, but getting it out was healthier than you know keeping it in, so to speak.
• 19:08
  Speaker: So and you don't get what you don't ask for, uh, which is one of my favorite sayings, I think.
• 19:13
  Speaker: When you were in the White House, was there any particular leadership lesson that you remember or can see when you know because there's a difference between having power and being a leader.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: So gosh, how much time do we have?
• 19:28
  Speaker: Yeah, probably that's probably in another podcast.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: Um, I'm gonna say, I'll I'll say a couple things.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like first of all, I'm so thankful to have been witness to presidents on both sides of the aisle.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: Like, I feel like that was such an education in itself that I am forever grateful for.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: But to get specific on a couple leadership things, I'll start with the interview with Betty Curry.
• 19:53
  Speaker: Okay.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: Where she looked at me and we were, I was just sitting across the table from her.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: And, you know, it was sort of like that initial, what's your name and where are you from conversation?
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: And I told her what my name was, and I told her where I was from.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: And she sat back in her chair and she looked at me and she said, Oh, and then she named the place that I was born, not where I grew up, but she said, That's the first place that I ever experienced racism.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: And I can tell you for sure that as a young person who didn't have a ton of work experience, that was a question that nobody had, or even a statement that nobody had ever prepared me for in how to navigate that in an interview.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: And I remember assuming in that moment that the rest of the interview was over because every time she saw me, I knew she would see somebody that was part of a place that she had had such a negative experience.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: And so the only thing that I could think of right then was, oh my gosh, I do not want this woman to remember.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: Like I know the interview's over.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: I know I'm not going to be chosen, but I don't want to walk out of here having her think that I would be any part of that.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: And so I said the only thing that I could at that moment, which was, I'm so sorry that that happened to you.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: And I hope that we have come a long way from when you experience that.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: And then just to fast forward through the rest of the interview, Lee, I cannot tell you anything else that she asked me because my brain was so focused on her thinking poorly of me for something I didn't have anything to do with.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: But I do remember at the end of the interview, she said to me, Would you like to see the Oval Office?
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: And President Clinton was traveling that day, and I said, Oh, yes, ma'am, because I knew I would never see it again.
• 21:38
  Speaker: I don't think anyone gets asked that question.
• 21:39
  Speaker: You should say yes.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's a definite yes.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: And I can remember like following her, which was only steps away from the Oval Office, and she walked in and I stood in the doorway, and she made it to the resolute desk and turned around.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: And I think she was a little bit surprised that I wasn't directly behind her, but I had stayed in the door frame and she looked at me.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: Me kind of confused, and she said, Well, come in.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know if she was really confused or not, but that's how I felt.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: I felt confused.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: And I just remember she was so gracious.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: And I thought, wow, what a leader she was to put that aside and show me such compassion and empathy to see the oval that I would never see again.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: And I remember she walked me out, and then you can imagine my surprise when later in the day, that same day, I got the call and the voice on the other end said, Betty Curry wants to work with you.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: And that was another moment in my life that was, I perceived that she would always see me a certain way.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: But the reality was she didn't.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: She was able to rise above something that had happened to her and not have it impact how she leads, how she works, how she provides opportunity.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: And maybe even a little bit of forgiveness did I feel in that moment.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: And so that was a moment that I think I'll always have.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: Like I will treasure that forever because she taught me so much.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: And I would say that's a big one at the White House.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: What else?
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: Gosh, I don't know.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: So many from different administrations, different leaders.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: I remember, well, there was an accident that had happened during the Bush administration.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: There was an accident that a staff person had been involved in.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: And I remember, like, we got the call at the NSC for a number of reasons.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: And it was raised to Andy Card, who was the chief of staff to President Bush.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: And what I thought was just the sharing of information that, you know, he needed to know as the chief of staff, and that we needed to at least follow what happened throughout this unfortunate situation.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: It was late.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: It was really late in the evening.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: And I remember being so surprised that he left his house that night to go and be with the staff person.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: And I thought, you know, to talk about him, everybody, there's, I don't think I've ever heard one person say anything that is not more than a glowing like appreciation and love for this man.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: But it really taught me in that moment that like it wasn't just that he had a title and needed to know, but he had a title that he still took action.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: There are a lot of other people that that were lower in the hierarchy in the chain, and he left his home to show support.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: I remember that that stayed with me, like so it's still with me, right?
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: Even in sharing this with you right now.
• 24:28
  Speaker: It's like leading with heart in action.
• 24:30
  Speaker: You see it.
• 24:31
  Speaker: Yes.
• 24:31
  Speaker: That's not about a role, a title, or anything.
• 24:34
  Speaker: It's about I truly care for you and I want to make sure you're okay.
• 24:36
  Speaker: I want you to know I am here for you, right?
• 24:39
  Speaker: And there it was, you know, someone at the highest level.
• 24:42
  Speaker: So I think that's what a leader with heart does.
• 24:44
  Speaker: They they actually see us and they are real all the time.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: It it has stayed with me.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: It has, I don't know, you know, and so often I think unfortunately, especially in the political world, a lot of times we don't get to see those moments, you know, and those are the moments that I think are are the ones that remind us that we're all human and we're people at the end of the day.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: And it doesn't matter like if you have an R or a D behind your name, like we can still come together to support each other.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: And the heart and leading with heart doesn't have to be a partisan issue.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: So I will never forget it.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: It was very impactful for me.
• 25:20
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 25:20
  Speaker: When you think about success and the definition that you've created over time, how has it changed for you?
• 25:26
  Speaker: Like if you think of 10 years ago, even what you defined success as to what you define it today, is there a difference for you?
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: There is such a difference.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: When I was just starting out, right?
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: I mean, I I was very junior staff in the White House.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: So I don't want to like portray anything other than that.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: Like I was I was on the low end of the totem pole there.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: So of course I got to see all of these amazing people, all of these really talented individuals.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: And I got to see like all of the things that they got to be involved in and policies that they were making.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, I just want to be like them, right?
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: I just want to be like them.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: And so then there were goals that were about like sort of climbing and increasing my level of responsibility and the things that created impact.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: I wanted to be part of that impact team and not necessarily always in more of a support function.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: And interestingly enough, as I continued to grow, those things were still important.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: But I started talking to students and I shared part of my journey, part of my story.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: And interestingly enough, the growth of the company, the people that I've met, the countries I've visited, all of those, I'm so happy are part of my story.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: I am thankful every single day that I have the colleagues that I do, that I have had the platform that I have.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: But I can tell you that probably my most, I don't know, prideful moment, the most success I felt didn't come from the amount of offices that I had opened in Asia or, you know, that we had opened as a company.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: My most successful moment came after speaking to a group of students and having a young man after 90 minutes come up to me and say, I just want to say thank you for making me believe I could be something I never thought I could.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: And I thought in that moment, wow, I'm so proud of that because I realize how much responsibility we have as leaders that in 90 minutes or less, I literally could change this young man's view of what his world could be.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: And when we are working with people every single day in a leadership capacity, wow, do we have a lot of responsibility?
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: And I so hope that people are looking at their success more by the success of others than of how many commas and things they have behind their name.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: Like that to me, I used to think that that was the thing, but I know now it's not.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: It's really not.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: The happiness, the joy, the I don't know, wonderment, even that I feel when I think about success.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: I'm proud of the work that I've done, but I feel the most success in those moments with young people or even the people that I work with, where I can literally see, you know, and even some of them now, like that I work with, I work with amazing people.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: And sometimes I'll share my story and I think that they just assume because I have a certain title, that I must have had a certain privilege along the way.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: And that couldn't be further from the truth.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: And I think that sharing our story and making sure that people understand like who we are, who is the authentic person that you are talking to right now?
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: What is their story?
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: I think that when that opens up and people are like, whoa, I didn't know you you went through that, like I went through that too.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: And then I think sometimes it helps expand their lens and well, if she went through that and is now doing this, I can too.
• 28:45
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 28:46
  Speaker: There's a lot too, and had some conversations recently about our identity, our self-expression, and alignment of what we're doing and who we are.
• 28:55
  Speaker: And I'm totally fascinated with being on, I'm 54.
• 28:59
  Speaker: So, you know, I'm the person like when it comes to what am I doing, am I on my path?
• 29:04
  Speaker: You know, like I always do this three to five year check-in.
• 29:06
  Speaker: And for me, it there's just something interesting about you really do notice where there's misalignment.
• 29:12
  Speaker: It could be in what you're doing or who you're hanging out with or what you're talking about.
• 29:17
  Speaker: It doesn't mean again that what you did wasn't good or relevant.
• 29:21
  Speaker: It got you to where you are, but it might not be where it will move you forward or or where you need to go, right?
• 29:28
  Speaker: So I just don't want people to mute that.
• 29:30
  Speaker: And it doesn't mean they have to immediately do anything or leave their job.
• 29:33
  Speaker: And please don't.
• 29:34
  Speaker: But what I'm saying is like, don't mute it, write it down.
• 29:37
  Speaker: If you have something that keeps coming back to you, and you know, we've known each other for a little while, and I've always kind of said, you know, like, hey, when are you gonna write a book?
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's true.
• 29:47
  Speaker: And then I'll turn around, you wrote a book in very short time frame, and I was like amazing, pressed, and it has won awards and continues to win awards.
• 29:57
  Speaker: You continue to speak not only within your role that you have, but also, you know, uh with the book, and just recently got an award.
• 30:04
  Speaker: So tell me how Letters to Lily came about.
• 30:08
  Speaker: And it first was born on LinkedIn, if I'm if I'm correct.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: Yes, that is true.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: So I'm gonna just share a little bit that is is a little bit personal, but I think it's it's necessary.
• 30:18
  Speaker: Relevant for you.
• 30:19
  Speaker: Okay.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: So, and I think it's important because it it speaks to the self-care piece of what being bold means to me.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: I haven't been always the best at self-care.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: You know, I think a lot of times I don't want to speak for men, but I know from the female experience, we're really good at putting everything in front of ourselves, right?
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: It's sort of like if there's anything left for us that we can like self-care, then great.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: And I think too often that just doesn't happen.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: And then we are really burning the candle at both ends.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: Anyway, all that to say, in 2023, I started having strokes and I had multiple strokes.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: And the second one resulted in a pretty good hospitalization where I had temporarily lost my speech and the structure on the right side of my face, my ability to move my arm and my hands, or at least my right hand.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: I lost my vision temporarily.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: And there were two things that I remember clearly as the machines in the ER were going off that I was thinking.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: And keep in mind, like I wasn't sure if I was gonna live, right?
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: I did not know.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: I was very scared.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: But I remember thinking, but I'm not done yet.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: There's so much more that I want to do.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: And then I was very fortunate because I did have this piece about me that felt like, but if I am, I'm so thankful for this life that I have lived.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: And from that, one of the things that I worried most about is that I really love when I get to go and talk to students or women's groups and sort of share my story and help them hopefully believe that they could be something they never thought they could.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: And I remember thinking, if my speech doesn't come back, I'll never be able to do that.
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: And then as I was starting to get my words back, I found that certain words I still couldn't get out and I had to relearn words.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: And so then I was worried that, like anything, right, people will judge you.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: And if they are judging me because I'm not speaking properly, and obviously we can go back to the eighth and tenth grade as far as how speech factored into my overall being.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: I remember being so sad about that.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: But luckily, as you can see, everything is working again, knock on wood, and I have been able to speak again to students and have that peace and joy that comes from that.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: But I remember thinking, if that didn't change and I didn't have my speech, how could I help impact young people or women especially?
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: And so interestingly, I'm just gonna tell you that as you know, I met Melissa Cohen literally at a bold retreat, thanks to you.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: And we started talking about LinkedIn presence and you know how you can create your own brand and share what's important to you through that.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: So I decided that one of the ways that I could share some of the lessons that I normally would speak to students about would be through writing to my younger self.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: And so I created the acronym Lily, which stands for Lessons in Leadership and Loving Yourself, L-I-L-L-Y.
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: And so I would on Tuesdays, I would write a dear Lily letter, which shared a leadership lesson, loving yourself lesson, and basically try to share a little bit of my leadership and loving myself journey in hopes that maybe someone else wouldn't have the same, maybe you still need to go through it, but that you'd have a little bit more context around how to handle it, how to think about it, how to, you know, navigate.
• 33:45
  Speaker: Did you feel vulnerable doing that?
• 33:46
  Speaker: Because one of the things through all of your letters, but your initial ones, is like you were learning who you were.
• 33:51
  Speaker: You were learning about your teacher, you were learning some of the things that you went through that weren't so great.
• 33:57
  Speaker: Did you did you worry about being judged?
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: So I regularly have a lot of anxieties, and so you know, I'm not on any other sort of social media and I hadn't been very active on LinkedIn.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: So to answer the question is yes, yes, and yes, definitely.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: And I can even, I mean, Melissa would probably laugh about this if she was on this call right now, but I would put a post out and then I would like message her and be like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna throw up.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: And she's like, I promise you it's gonna get easier.
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: Like it's gonna be fine.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: And luckily it was, but something very interesting happened in that people started to engage with it.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: And you know, that's another one of my lessons from earlier on, which is the power that comes from realizing you're not alone.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: And I felt like all of a sudden, not only were people sharing these vulnerable parts of their own journey, but they were reminding me that I wasn't alone.
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: And hopefully I was reminding them that they weren't alone.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: And collectively we were reminding other people who maybe just reading it that they're not alone.
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: So with that came your letters to Lily because people were engaging so much that they started, they were willing to share some of their own vulnerable moments.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: And that started to take off.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: People were engaging with that.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: I'm so thankful.
• 35:08
  Speaker: And you had some like guest people who were, I think, on a different day of the week and they would share their letters, and all I had to do was tell you, hey, I'd like to share it.
• 35:15
  Speaker: And so you had letters to Lily group that was forming and coming together.
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: So Tuesdays I would do my letter to Lily, and then on Thursdays I would do your letters to Lily, and it just so many people started engaging.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: And by September, Melissa, I remember she was coming from New York to DC.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: And I remember asking her, Do you want to meet for lunch?
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: And over lunch, I looked at her and I said, I'm gonna ask you something.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: I hope that you say yes.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: It's fine if you don't, but I'm so excited about the engagement that this has had.
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: What do you think about working with me to create a letters to Lily book?
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: And she has been from the very beginning one of the first people to say this is gonna be a movement.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: This was even before your letters to Lily came out on LinkedIn.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: And she said, Absolutely yes, absolutely yes.
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: And so that was Lee at the end of September.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: We were published by December the 9th.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: And while I think we get a lot of credit for putting the book together so quickly, that would not have been possible if people were not willing to share their own vulnerability and lessons in leadership and loving themselves.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: Like I love that we are being recognized for all of the impact that this book is having, but it's literally all of the people who said, I'm willing to share that created this book.
• 36:26
  Speaker: Yeah, it's the stories, it's the letters, it's literally those letters, and that's what the book is full of.
• 36:32
  Speaker: So I would love for everyone who's listening to check out, you know, certainly go to your LinkedIn and follow Allie and you can learn about her book and the next book that's coming out, which is kind of the volume two of Letters to Lily, it sounds like is that a good way to describe it?
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: It's it's exactly that.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: It is a continuation.
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: Uh, so many people, it was, I mean, again, to the impact, like people continued writing even after the deadline.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: And I think it was like that sort of, well, maybe if I get it in, it'll it'll still make it.
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: And unfortunately, with that timeline, it didn't, but we did sort of keep those letters to say, look, if we do a volume two, we'll circle back, we would be honored to include this letter.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: But then what happened is we just said yes, we can because people were still so interested, and and here we are.
• 37:21
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 37:21
  Speaker: And it's still the movement is continuing to grow.
• 37:24
  Speaker: So I hope everyone checks it out.
• 37:26
  Speaker: You have something called the HART architecture, and HART is an acronym for horizon, empathy, authenticity, responsibility, and trust.
• 37:35
  Speaker: And it's it's a collection of leadership skills, right?
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 37:39
  Speaker: An approach to leadership, and I would say probably an organizational culture, so to speak.
• 37:44
  Speaker: Is one of those a highlight for you or one you would asterisk, or are they all equal in weight when it comes to your architecture?
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think that they're all equal, but I do want to say that, you know, back to that definition of success.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: One of the biggest compliments that I feel like I have received in my capacity as the chief operating officer of BGA is I have regularly been referred to as the heart of the company.
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: And so creating the heart architecture and framework, it was so easy because I feel like it's literally what I think we all have a responsibility to in an organization, no matter where you sit.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: So I guess to answer your question, is there one?
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think that they're all pretty equal, but as you can see behind me and throughout the room, I have a lot of giraffe pictures.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: And I was never, I mean, I never had anything against a giraffe, but I didn't really realize the value of the giraffe until I was in a leadership role.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: And I link the giraffe to the H, the horizon portion of the architecture.
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: Because as leaders, I think, you know, when I think about the animal kingdom, if you will, yes, the lion and the tiger, they may have tons and tons and tons of power or strength, but they can't see everything.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: Whereas the giraffe has to stand tall, like there's no other choice.
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: There's no like, oop, let me hide behind the bush.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: It is literally you are standing there in front of the entire world.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: And you have an obligation to look forward and to see what is coming on the horizon.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: And you also have the obligation to understand what is happening right in front of you.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: So I'm a big advocate of the full 360.
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: A lot of times my team might come and say, hey, what do you think about this?
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: And my first question is always, what do you think about this if you're sitting in all of the other chairs around the table?
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: That yes, it might be the initiative of this department, but what happens when you go around the table and you look at the other departments, how that's going to play out.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: So I believe that we have on the horizon a great, great, great sense of responsibility and looking ahead and knowing what's happening now and even looking behind to see what lessons we learned from other events within the organization.
• 39:54
  Speaker: Yeah, so seeing the big picture in totality, the 360 degrees of it, you know, forward and back.
• 39:59
  Speaker: Can someone lead with heart and still not be popular or liked?
• 40:03
  Speaker: Sometimes people think that being leader means you're always liked.
• 40:07
  Speaker: And I don't think that's accurate, but I wondered what your thoughts were on that.
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: It's like what we were talking about earlier, right?
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: Like, not everyone is gonna like you.
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: No matter, I mean, you may have cured, I don't know, some very unique COVID thing.
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: You did great work, but it doesn't necessarily mean everybody's gonna like you.
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: So I think in leadership, no matter where you are, what's that saying?
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: You can please some of the people some of the time, but you'll never please all the people all the time.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: And I think sometimes you just have to, you're making decisions for the good of the organization, for the good of the people within them.
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: Not everybody is gonna see that under the same light.
• 40:45
  Speaker: Yeah, it's not a sum of one, right?
• 40:46
  Speaker: It's a sum of all as you lead.
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 40:49
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 40:49
  Speaker: So I think sometimes that's hard for people to see.
• 40:52
  Speaker: So is there a part of your framework that you would like more people to understand better when it comes to whether it's empathy or authenticity or responsibility, trust?
• 41:04
  Speaker: And we talked about horizon.
• 41:05
  Speaker: Is there one that jumps out that you know you feel like maybe some people need a redo on that or we need more of it?
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, empathy, empathy, empathy.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: And it's really interesting because I was first introduced also, thanks to you, to Claude Silver, who I remember her clearly saying, it is my job to infuse empathy into the organization.
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: That is my entire job description.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: And I thought that is brilliant, brilliant.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: And I think so much about it because of the fact that I don't know, Lee, how many times, and this drives me up the wall.
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: I have heard, oh, Allie, it's business.
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: It's not personal.
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: And nothing makes me more angry than hearing that.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: Because the way that I see it is we spend the majority of our waking days working for a company, a corporation, organization.
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: There is nothing that is more personal than the time that we are giving up to work, that we could be with our families, that we could be having an impact in our communities.
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: It's all personal.
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: And so I think it's really important to understand your team, know what they're going through.
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: A lot of people are in that sort of sandwich generation, right?
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: Where they're running their kids to daycare or to school before and after, and then they're also taking care of their elderly parents.
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: Like those things are going to have an impact on somebody's performance in the workplace.
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: And I don't think that even though we want to think that, okay, we can have two senior director roles, but the people that fill those roles may have very different life experiences and maybe living very different lives.
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: Doesn't mean either is right or wrong, but you need to understand as a leader what's happening so that you can create the space if they need to work a bit of a more flexible schedule, or they might need a little extra support from a colleague during, I don't know, whatever the situation is that they're navigating.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: That's leading with heart.
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: That's making sure that your people know, I see you.
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: I know this is hard.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: Let us help you.
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: We don't want this to be, oh, it's business, it's not personal.
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: We expect you in your desk from nine to five or whatever.
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: How can we help you perform as your best self?
• 43:16
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 43:16
  Speaker: So taking action towards solutions versus judgment or one size fits all or just step one, understanding why someone said no or they can't, or those types of things.
• 43:27
  Speaker: I think sometimes, you know, we're busy, we're rolling through our day, and someone says no, I can't.
• 43:31
  Speaker: And you're like, What?
• 43:32
  Speaker: Like, why can't you?
• 43:33
  Speaker: And like you said, there's there's things underneath that you don't know who they're taking care of or where they may need to be or what they promised, or you know, what they may need.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: Right and self care.
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 43:43
  Speaker: Yeah, they're own.
• 43:44
  Speaker: Like I was just thinking, I was always the first to cancel my whatever appointment it was if I had a meeting or something came up.
• 43:50
  Speaker: And so I think also realizing that, you know, people, you know, need to take care of themselves and their loved ones and no one's wearing a name tag that tells you everything that's happened in their life.
• 43:59
  Speaker: So I think is um important to lead with empathy.
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes.
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: And let's get rid of that.
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: It's business, it's not personal.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's awful.
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: Whoever came up with that.
• 44:09
  Speaker: Let's just stop saying that.
• 44:10
  Speaker: So as we close out, we've heard a lot of things I think that are very inspiring, learning about, you know, going for it and and realizing that, you know, when someone goes for it, it's a bold moment in the sense of, you know, applying for an internship or applying for a job or asking someone a clarifying question of what's possible.
• 44:30
  Speaker: Those are all bold moments.
• 44:31
  Speaker: And they're usually smaller bold moments that are never going to be on social media.
• 44:35
  Speaker: So I think these are the types of things I love to talk about and amplify because I think there's lots of listeners who are having their own bold moments and might not even realize how bold they are.
• 44:45
  Speaker: So congratulations to you for should being a walking example of being bold from surviving, really, I think, and thriving now after really going through some tough health situations and things that we wouldn't wish on anyone.
• 44:59
  Speaker: If you think about your learnings, you know, and how they've evolved and what they've come to with your book, Letters to Lily, and the second one coming out, the leadership that you have within the company that you are with now.
• 45:10
  Speaker: What if someone is listening right now and they're like, I just am not sure if I can do this thing, whatever this thing may be, but it just keeps coming back to me and I'm just not sure where it's coming from, it won't go away.
• 45:22
  Speaker: What do you tell them?
• 45:23
  Speaker: What would you tell them if they came up to you in a book signing line of like, I have a big goal or something that feels very big, but I just don't know.
• 45:30
  Speaker: I'm not sure.
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: I would tell them if it is in their heart, they should pursue it.
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: And it doesn't mean that you quit your job tomorrow, but you can take small steps.
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: I never You don't even have to quit your job.
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: You can do both.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: Yes, right.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: Take small steps.
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: You know, taking the first step.
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: I there's a Martin Luther King uh quote that's something about like, um, you don't have to see the whole staircase.
• 45:56
  Speaker: Um, I can't think of what it is, but at any rate, take the first step, first three steps.
• 46:00
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes.
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: And I remember one time the quote, when it's all said and done, will you regret more the things you didn't do or the things that you did?
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: And so when I get in that space of thinking, oh, can I do this?
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: Oh, I do ask myself, what's the worst thing that can happen?
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: I try it and I love it.
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: I try it and it doesn't work.
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: At least I'll know I tried.
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: And I think that when we try, we learn something.
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: Maybe it points us in a different direction, maybe it takes us somewhere else.
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: But we learned and we can chalk up that I wanted to do it and I did it.
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: You know, I guess like I'll I'll give the Nike slogan of just do it.
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: What's the worst thing that can happen?
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: Just begin.
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: Just begin.
• 46:41
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 46:41
  Speaker: And I say just figure out the first step and try it, do it, see what happens.
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: And I'm not going to say that I always am that bold.
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: I will tell you that there have been plenty of times in my life and in my career, I have literally been paralyzed with fear and things that I wish that I would have done that I was afraid of failing or that I was afraid of what might happen.
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: And while I try not to live in a space of regret because I feel like we're all on a journey.
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: And some of us learn certain lessons younger and some of us learn certain lessons older, but we learn them at the time that we're supposed to learn them.
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: And so for me, so much of that fear mentality left when I went through those strokes in 2023.
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: The way I live my life changed dramatically because I realized that I had taken for granted that tomorrow would always be here, that I would have that time to write that book when I retired, when I wasn't so busy, when I wasn't so tired.
• 47:37
  Speaker: The when I list.
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: The when list, yes.
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: And what I learned, and and I even wrote this in letters to Lily, is that when may never come.
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: And so are we every day pursuing the things that we are interested in, that bring us joy, that that make us happy?
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: And if we're not, please start.
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: That's what I would say.
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: Please start.
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: I don't want to regret the things I didn't do.
• 48:00
  Speaker: Yeah, yeah, I love that.
• 48:01
  Speaker: I love that that's how we're ending.
• 48:03
  Speaker: Please check out everything about Allie, her work.
• 48:06
  Speaker: LinkedIn is the place to find her and to follow her and to learn more about her books as well.
• 48:11
  Speaker: Thank you so much for being on the Bull Lounge, sharing your bold journey and being an inspiration to so, so many.
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: And can I just say one other thing really quickly?
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: And if you want to, if if there's not enough time, I understand that.
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: But I I do want to say that um in my professional career, one of the things that I would love to see shift, and especially based on the people that are listening to you, especially for women, I have seen so many people not ask.
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: And so one of the things that if you take anything else away from my time with you today, it's if you are applying for a job, if you are getting a promotion, if you are, I don't know what the case may be, there's nothing wrong with advocating for yourself.
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: And for anybody who has ever made a woman, a man, whoever feel like you should just accept it because that was the offer, I would argue, make sure you understand what you're accepting.
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: And the good news is if somebody, especially a company, has made you an offer, chances are they're not gonna take it away because of the fact that you asked, is there flexibility?
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: You know, is this in line with what you thought it was gonna be?
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: And that's one of the things in my career that I think especially women need to get a little better at.
• 49:23
  Speaker: Yeah, and sooner, right?
• 49:25
  Speaker: Advocating is uncomfortable, but no one else is gonna advocate for you.
• 49:29
  Speaker: And advocating isn't a negative word, it's actually asking the questions you have and saying, I feel my worth is this and I can do this.
• 49:37
  Speaker: And you know, sometimes there's a trade-off.
• 49:40
  Speaker: Maybe they can't give you a dollar amount, but they could give you maybe you work, you know, 30 so so many hours and you get Fridays, half days or something, you know, anyway.
• 49:48
  Speaker: So, like I believe in just start and absolutely ask for what you want, or you feel you, you know, are valued at.
• 49:56
  Speaker: And that's easier said than done.
• 49:58
  Speaker: I think even I get nervous these days, but it's like I said, no one else is gonna do it for you.
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: It goes back to that what's the worst thing that can happen?
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: They'll tell you no.
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: But what's the best?
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: You come with data, you have points that you want to have considered.
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: Even if you get one or half of one, it's still you've asked.
• 50:17
  Speaker: Yeah, know what you want and ask for it.
• 50:19
  Speaker: So love that.
• 50:20
  Speaker: So definitely check out everything, Allie.
• 50:22
  Speaker: Uh, LinkedIn is a place to find her.
• 50:24
  Speaker: All that information is down in the episode notes.
• 50:26
  Speaker: Thank you again, Allie, for being on the bold lounge.
• 50:28
  Speaker: Thank you, Lee.
• 50:29
  Speaker: It's great to be here.
• 50:30
  Speaker: Thank you for listening to the Bold Lounge podcast.
• 50:35
  Speaker: Through the continuum of bold stories, vulnerability to taking the leap, you will meet more extraordinary people making a positive impact for others through their unique and important story.
• 50:45
  Speaker: By highlighting these stories, we hope to inspire others and share the journey of those with a bold mindset.
• 50:51
  Speaker: We hope you've enjoyed this podcast and look forward to sharing the next bold journey with you.