Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #148 Flecks of Gold

Transcript

#148 Flecks of Gold · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: I think one of the biggest challenges I've had this
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: week is just that constant need to be recalibrating with
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: the routine and structure.
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  Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time
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  Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers.
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  Speaker 3: Now.
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  Speaker 4: Hello, my name's doctor Justin Coulson.
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  Speaker 2: I'm the author of six books about raising happy families,
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  Speaker 2: and I'm here with my wife and podcast partner, my
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  Speaker 2: co host, missus Happy Families, Kylie.
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  Speaker 4: We're the parents of six daughters and it's Friday.
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  Speaker 3: We've had some feedback.
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  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, saying that like it's a concerning We've had.
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  Speaker 3: Some feed We have had some feedback.
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  Speaker 2: Well, I like the five star ratings we're getting on
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  Speaker 2: Apple podcasts. Is it that kind of feedback?
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  Speaker 3: It's not.
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  Speaker 4: What's the feedback?
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  Speaker 3: Well, our nieces have been listening to our podcast.
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  Speaker 4: They really, yes, they have.
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  Speaker 1: This is News six, nine and thirteen, right. They said,
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  Speaker 1: you're too lovey dovey.
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  Speaker 2: I'm too loved ah am I really, but how could
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  Speaker 2: I not be when I'm sitting here by you.
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  Speaker 4: Ah, that's just for them, just for them.
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  Speaker 1: Well, Happy Friday. I can't believe we've made it to
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  Speaker 1: an end of another week and it's been full of
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  Speaker 1: ups and downs.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, family life is like that.
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  Speaker 2: There's a story. This could be a podcast where I
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  Speaker 2: could tell a story. You like my stories.
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  Speaker 3: I love your stories.
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  Speaker 2: There's a story that I love to tell at the
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  Speaker 2: end of one of my workshops, and I think it's
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  Speaker 2: pretty much one of my highlight stories.
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  Speaker 3: Story.
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  Speaker 1: Let's just get it straight. I shared this story with you,
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  Speaker 1: so it's actually my story.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, there's a story that Kylie shared with me that
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  Speaker 2: now I share at the end of all of my workshops,
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  Speaker 2: and it sort of highlights what family life is like.
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  Speaker 2: And maybe that's a maybe we can have storytime Friday.
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  Speaker 2: So many many many years ago, it's the eighteen hundreds.
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  Speaker 2: There's the gold rush. Everybody's heading west, story east, or
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  Speaker 2: wherever they're going to find the gold. If you're in
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  Speaker 2: the United States, they were all heading to California. But
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  Speaker 2: here in Australia, people were heading to Ballarat and Bendigo
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  Speaker 2: where the gold rush was on, and the towns those
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  Speaker 2: rural populations were swelling, with everyone racing off to strike
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  Speaker 2: a rich and find that buried treasure. One young man
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  Speaker 2: got caught up in the excitement and left Melbourne so
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  Speaker 2: that he could race out to the gold fields in Bendigo.
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  Speaker 2: He sat down by the river and started panning for gold.
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  Speaker 2: And while he was panning, these rocks would come into
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  Speaker 2: his pan and he'd pick them up and think, this
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  Speaker 2: could be it. This could be the nugget that's going
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  Speaker 2: to change my life. This could be the nugget that's
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  Speaker 2: going to make me a millionaire.
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  Speaker 4: Never happened.
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  Speaker 2: He just kept on pulling these rocks out of the
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  Speaker 2: pan and looking at them and discovering that they were
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  Speaker 2: not gold nuggets at all, And so he'd throw them
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  Speaker 2: into a pile beside him.
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  Speaker 4: Some of them were large, some of them were small.
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  Speaker 2: But eventually the pile became a mound, and the mound
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  Speaker 2: became well, a little miniature hill beside him. After a
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  Speaker 2: few months, this young man realized that it had all
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  Speaker 2: been for nothing. He'd run out of money, he hadn't
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  Speaker 2: found any gold nuggets, and he was destitute. He had
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  Speaker 2: no food, he had nothing left. He didn't even have
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  Speaker 2: any shelter. His shoes were ruined, and he was going
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  Speaker 2: to have to you know, he was wearing rags. He
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  Speaker 2: was going to have to go home and ask his
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  Speaker 2: parents to take him back and beg for support while
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  Speaker 2: he tried to get his life started all over again.
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  Speaker 2: So as he's sitting on this riverbank filling despondent and dejected,
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  Speaker 2: a wealthy prospector wanders by comments, it's quite a pile
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  Speaker 2: of rocks. You've got their son, and continues walking. But
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  Speaker 2: the young man is not in the mood for being
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  Speaker 2: mocked by the wealthy prospector, and so he calls out, yeah,
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  Speaker 2: what would you know. I've been here for weeks. I've
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  Speaker 2: been here for months. I've run out of everything. There's
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  Speaker 2: no gold in this river. It's all lies. They just
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  Speaker 2: made it up. The prospector. I guess he thought I'll bite,
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  Speaker 2: I'll take the bait. So he turns around and says,
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  Speaker 2: young man, I think he's mistaken. This river is teeming
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  Speaker 2: with gold. The young man just splashes at the water,
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  Speaker 2: kicks his foot out at the pile of rocks, says,
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  Speaker 2: its no gold here.
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  Speaker 4: I've been looking. I know there's no gold.
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  Speaker 2: So the prospector wanders over and picks up one of
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  Speaker 2: the rocks in the pile and cracks it on the
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  Speaker 2: tin of the young man the pan and looks at
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  Speaker 2: it and says, I think you're mistaken. The rock kind
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  Speaker 2: of crumbles in his hand, and all of these tiny
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  Speaker 2: flecks of gold can be seen glinting in the sunlight.
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  Speaker 2: The prospector says, you're sitting on a pile of gold
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  Speaker 2: right here. Look at all these gold flecks. And the
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  Speaker 2: young man responds, I'm not looking for gold, flex I'm
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  Speaker 2: here looking for nuggets like you've got in your pouch.
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  Speaker 2: The prospector was wearing this pouch on his belt that
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  Speaker 2: was bulging with gold. So the prospector kneels down and
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  Speaker 2: opens up the top of the pouch, inviting the young
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  Speaker 2: man to look, which he does, and the young man
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  Speaker 2: discovers that there are no nuggets in that pouch at all,
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  Speaker 2: and said, the pouch is full of thousands and thousands
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  Speaker 2: of tiny flecks of gold. And the prospector says to
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  Speaker 2: the young man, sir, and it's the steady accumulation of
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  Speaker 2: all of these flecks of gold that has made me wealthy. So, Kylie,
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  Speaker 2: I think that family life's a lot like that. You know,
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  Speaker 2: we sit down by the river and we kind of
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  Speaker 2: expect gold nuggets to be rolling down the river of
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  Speaker 2: family life.
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  Speaker 1: Well, you know, you open up a parenting magazine, and
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  Speaker 1: you've got the pearly whites and the manicured hair while
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  Speaker 1: they're having a cuddle in bed.
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  Speaker 2: I love the fact that they're in bed with these
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  Speaker 2: perfectly crisp linen sheets and their hair has been blow
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  Speaker 2: dried and they're wearing makeup. But they've only just woken up,
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  Speaker 2: just woken up, and none of them have morning breath.
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  Speaker 1: Clear those smiles are suggesting they definitely don't have morning breath.
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  Speaker 2: And so family life, like, I mean, it's just hard.
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  Speaker 2: You know, it's rocky, and it's bumpy, and it's dirty
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  Speaker 2: and it's messy, and sometimes it's wet.
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  Speaker 4: You remember those mornings.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, our kids are past this now, but do
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  Speaker 2: you remember those mornings where you'd roll over into a
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  Speaker 2: wet patch in our bed because one of the kids
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  Speaker 2: had gotten into.
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  Speaker 4: Bed and wet our bed as well as their own bed.
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  Speaker 2: And we'd roll into the wet patch and then your
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  Speaker 2: hip would be like, oh my goodness, what is this
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  Speaker 2: wet patch that I've just rolled into?
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  Speaker 3: I am really glad we're those days.
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  Speaker 2: Family life's a really, really tough and so as we
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  Speaker 2: get to Friday, you know, sometimes we talk about what
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  Speaker 2: we're going to do better tomorrow. Sometimes we talk about
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  Speaker 2: how we're going to have a great weekend, but I
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  Speaker 2: just thought it was worth pausing and considering, no matter
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  Speaker 2: how tough this week has been, what are the gold
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  Speaker 2: flecks in family life that we've experienced this week and
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  Speaker 2: what do they teach us about making our families happier.
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  Speaker 4: Let's talk about that in just a second.
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  Speaker 1: For a happier family, try a Happy Families membership, because
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: a happy family does have just happened.
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  Speaker 2: Details at happy families dot com dot au. It's the
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  Speaker 2: Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time poor parent
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  Speaker 2: who just wants answers Now, Hello, doctor Justin Colson and
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  Speaker 2: missus Happy Families Kylie with me. Let's talk about these
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  Speaker 2: ups and downs, these challenging moments, and any gold flex.
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  Speaker 4: That we've experienced this week. How do we find them?
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  Speaker 1: I think one of the biggest challenges I've had this
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: week is just that constant need to be recalibrating with
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: the routine and structure.
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: We all know what needs to happen.
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  Speaker 4: Yes, so frustrating.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it just seems like there's just this constant need
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  Speaker 1: to kind of, you know, bring everybody back in and
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  Speaker 1: recalibrate and reconfirm what needs to be done so that
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  Speaker 1: we can move forward.
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  Speaker 3: It can be really exhausting as a parent.
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  Speaker 2: Because the kids know what to do, we know what
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  Speaker 2: to do, we know what time we're supposed to go
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  Speaker 2: to bed, and we're supposed to all be nice to
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  Speaker 2: each other and all that sort of thing, and yet
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  Speaker 2: it's hard to make it happen day in and day out,
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  Speaker 2: just being consistent.
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  Speaker 4: So what's the gold fleck to come from that?
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  Speaker 1: Well, the gold fleck this week in relation to that,
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  Speaker 1: was that we were able to sit down with the
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  Speaker 1: kids and we had another family meeting.
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  Speaker 4: What's going well, what's not? What we're going to do
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  Speaker 4: about it?
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  Speaker 1: And we pulled out the job list and acknowledged that
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  Speaker 1: everybody had kind of left it up to mum this week,
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  Speaker 1: and we reconfirmed what everybody needed to do, and within
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  Speaker 1: a couple of hours the house was spotless and everyone
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  Speaker 1: had just chipped in without complaint and did what was required.
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  Speaker 1: It just felt great.
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  Speaker 4: I think that's a really central thing, isn't it?
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  Speaker 2: Just remembering that the kids actually are awesome and they
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  Speaker 2: want to do the right thing, but sometimes they get
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  Speaker 2: caught up in their thing while we're getting caught up
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  Speaker 2: in our thing and it just kind of backfires a bit.
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  Speaker 2: But you have those moments and you're like, yeah, this
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  Speaker 2: is working, this is good.
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  Speaker 4: You know what my goldfleck was.
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  Speaker 2: Tell me, we went and made a late birthday purchase,
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  Speaker 2: you and I and we bought a couple of I mean,
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  Speaker 2: there's no other word for it.
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  Speaker 4: They do, dads. They're things that were not on our budget.
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  Speaker 2: They're things that we really are probably going to pay
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  Speaker 2: the price for many times over because we bought them.
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  Speaker 2: But we bought a couple of electric scooters. And just
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  Speaker 2: seeing how much fun the kids are having. I mean
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  Speaker 2: they're not even for the kids, right, but the kids
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  Speaker 2: are fully addicted to them, and I can just see
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  Speaker 2: the goldflick for me is seeing the kids smile. It's
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  Speaker 2: really really simple stuff and it doesn't require a scooter.
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  Speaker 2: It could be some lego blocks, or it can be
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  Speaker 2: sitting down and watching a movie. It can be pulling
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  Speaker 2: some old, old called popcorn kernels out of the pantry
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  Speaker 2: and cooking them in some oil on the oven on
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  Speaker 2: the stove. I should say I'm not very good in
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  Speaker 2: the kitchen obviously, but it's just seeing the kids light
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  Speaker 2: up and smile.
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  Speaker 1: That.
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  Speaker 4: I just to me, that's I don't know if there's
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  Speaker 4: anything better than that.
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  Speaker 1: Well, the highlight out of that, I think is just
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  Speaker 1: that one or one time that we've got to spend
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  Speaker 1: with the kids in that kind of out.
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  Speaker 3: Of the box experience.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, with them, I really enjoyed seeing their faces light
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  Speaker 1: up as they tried a new new skill.
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  Speaker 2: So the take home message from this podcast is a
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  Speaker 2: pretty simple one today, and that is that family life
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  Speaker 2: can be challenging, but there's going to be something to
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  Speaker 2: reflect on, something that's reflective.
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  Speaker 3: You know.
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  Speaker 4: The gold flecks are there.
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  Speaker 2: We've just got to look for them, find them and
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  Speaker 2: celebrate them, because not only can family life be really challenging,
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  Speaker 2: but can it can also be the most rewarding thing
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  Speaker 2: in the world.
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  Speaker 1: Well, I guess when I think back to that story,
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  Speaker 1: the thing that stands out to me is who do
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  Speaker 1: I want to be in that story? Do I want
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  Speaker 1: to be the young prospector who just is collecting this
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  Speaker 1: pile of.
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  Speaker 3: Rocks and that's what he sees, Oh, you're good.
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  Speaker 1: Or do I want to be the old prospector who
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  Speaker 1: recognizes that those rocks are actually going to provide him
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  Speaker 1: with the flex.
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  Speaker 2: There are thousands and thousands of flecks of gold and
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  Speaker 2: if we find them, if we look for them, they'll
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  Speaker 2: make us wealthy.
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  Speaker 4: Love it ah, so so much, so.
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  Speaker 2: Much joy there. Hey, it's Halloween this weekend. We're not
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  Speaker 2: huge onnor that. We do like the idea of community.
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  Speaker 2: We don't love the idea of the kids filling up
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  Speaker 2: on junk food. If your family is doing Halloween.
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  Speaker 4: Good luck with that. I hope, I hope that you
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  Speaker 4: have a nice weekend.
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  Speaker 1: Well, I actually I've done something really cool. Yeah, I've
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  Speaker 1: found somebody who's holding a Halloween party.
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  Speaker 3: I don't have to do anything.
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  Speaker 4: Really, are we going?
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  Speaker 1: We are?
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  Speaker 2: Ok?
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  Speaker 4: I'm going to be the best. Do I have to
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  Speaker 4: dress up? Ah?
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  Speaker 2: Well, I'm sure that we can find a gold flex somewhere.
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  Speaker 2: If they have good candy, good lollies andy, and they're
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  Speaker 2: good candy.
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  Speaker 4: Well we'll have a good Halloween. We'll see.
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  Speaker 2: We so much appreciate you listening to the podcast. If
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: you've got any feedback for us, if you want us
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: to know stuff, send us an email. Podcasts at happy
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: families dot com dot you. We've actually been getting some podcasts.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: Mail at happy families dot com dot you and we're
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: going to talk about some of the questions that have
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: come through via podcasts at Happy families dot com dot
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: you in the next couple of weeks, so thank you
• 11:12
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• 11:15
  Speaker 2: and reviews at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for the five star reviews and
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: ratings that keep on coming through. The Happy Families podcast
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: is produced by Justin Rulon. Thank you Justin for doing
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: what you do to make us sound great and putting
• 11:31
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• 11:33
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• 11:36
  Speaker 2: the magical Craig Bruce. If you'd like more information about
• 11:40
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• 11:43
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• 11:47
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• 11:50
  Speaker 2: that I think will change your life, because a happy
• 11:53
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• 11:56
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• 11:59
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• 12:00
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