Latest / The Burnout Podcast with Fexingo: Workplace Exhaustion, Recovery, and Sustainable Careers / How Burnout Makes You Hoard Your Focus
Transcript
- Lucas: So there's this product manager I've been thinking about — let's call her Dana. She came to me after two years of nonstop launches, and the thing that finally cracked her wasn't the hours. It was that she'd started scheduling focus blocks on her calendar, and she'd guard them like a dragon guarding gold. Luna: A dragon guarding gold — I love that image. But what do you mean, she guarded them? Like, she'd reject every meeting request? Lucas: Exactly. She'd set aside two hours every morning, and if anyone — including her own director — tried to book over that, she'd decline and offer a slot three days later. She was proud of it at first. She thought she was finally setting boundaries. But she also realized she was hiding her calendar from her team, so they wouldn't even try to schedule. She was literally making herself unavailable. Luna: That sounds less like a boundary and more like a fortress. Was she actually getting more done? Lucas: That's the twist. Her output was actually fine — maybe even up slightly. But she felt more isolated than ever. Her team stopped asking her quick questions, so they made decisions without her. And she realized she was holding onto her focus so tightly that she'd stopped being a collaborator. Luna: So the fortress kept the work in, but it also kept the people out. That's the cost. Lucas: Right. And I think this is a really common burnout symptom that we don't talk about enough. It's not just that you're exhausted — it's that you become territorial about your own attention. You start treating focus like a non-renewable resource, and you hoard it. Luna: I've felt that. After a stretch of brutal weeks, I remember hiding my calendar from a colleague just to get a solid hour of writing done. And I felt guilty about it, but also... protective. Lucas: And that protective instinct — that's the burnout talking. When you're depleted, your brain starts to perceive any interruption as a threat to your survival. Not literally, but physiologically. Your stress response is already on high alert, so a calendar invite feels like an attack. Luna: That makes so much sense. It's not that you're being selfish — it's that your nervous system is saying, 'I can't afford to lose this time.' Lucas: Exactly. And there's research on this — attention residue. When you switch tasks, part of your brain stays stuck on the previous thing. The more you switch, the more residue builds up. So for someone who's already burned out, every interruption is doubly costly. They're not just losing five minutes; they're losing the mental cleanup time too. Luna: So hoarding focus is a rational response to an irrational workload. But it backfires because you end up isolated. Lucas: Right. And that isolation feeds the burnout cycle. You stop getting the informal check-ins, the quick feedback, the sense of being part of a team. All of which are actually protective against burnout. So the thing you do to survive ends up making you more vulnerable. Luna: That's a vicious loop. So what's the alternative? How do you protect your focus without becoming a hermit? Lucas: Well, that's the question. And honestly, it's a hard one. But I think the first step is recognizing the difference between a boundary and a hoard. A boundary is transparent — people know when you're available and when you're not. A hoard is hidden. You're not telling anyone; you're just making yourself scarce. Luna: So Dana was hoarding, not boundary-setting. And she didn't even realize it until her team stopped coming to her. Lucas: And that's the thing — she thought she was being efficient, but she was actually eroding the trust and collaboration that make work sustainable. It took her a while to see it. But once she did, she started opening up her calendar — not all at once, but she'd block two hours in the morning and then leave the afternoon open for drop-ins. And she'd tell her team, 'I'm available after one, come find me.' Luna: That's a small change, but it sounds huge for the team dynamics. Lucas: It was. And it also helped her feel less like a dragon and more like a person. But here's the thing — she couldn't have done that while she was still in the thick of burnout. She had to recover first. And that's the part we don't always appreciate: you can't boundary your way out of burnout. You have to actually rest. Luna: That's a hard truth. And it makes me think about how we talk about productivity hacks and deep work — sometimes we're just dressing up our hoarding as discipline. Lucas: Totally. And that's why I wanted to do this episode — because the 'focus block' is so often recommended as a cure for overwhelm, but for someone who's burned out, it can become another symptom. It's a double-edged sword. Luna: So how do you know if your focus block is helping or hurting? Lucas: I think you ask yourself: am I hiding this from anyone? Am I willing to tell my team what this time is for? And does the time actually make me feel better, or just more anxious about losing it? Luna: If it's the latter, that's a signal. Lucas: Yeah. And here's another angle — when you're burnt out, you also start hoarding focus in subtler ways. Like, you stop going to lunch with colleagues because you want to save your energy. Or you skip the team standup because it's 'not essential.' But those micro-moments are often what keep you connected. Luna: I've done that — skipped a coffee chat to answer emails. And afterward I felt so disconnected, but at the time it felt like the right call. Lucas: Exactly. And that's the thing about burnout — it narrows your field of vision. You can only see the immediate task in front of you, and everything else feels like a threat. But the cost of that narrowness is the very thing that could help you recover: community. Luna: So what's the first step for someone listening who recognizes themselves in Dana? They're probably thinking, 'I don't have time to recover.' Lucas: And that's the trap. But I'd say: start by telling one person. Tell a teammate you trust, 'I'm really struggling right now, and I'm going to be guarding my morning time for a few weeks. But I want to stay in the loop — can we find a way to do that?' That transparency alone can break the hoarding pattern. Luna: That's a good first step. And it's honest. You're not pretending you're fine. Lucas: Right. And the other thing is to build in some slack — literally. If you're scheduling a focus block, book it for 90 minutes instead of two hours, so you have buffer for the inevitable spillover. That takes the edge off the scarcity feeling. Luna: Slack in the schedule, slack in the mind. I like that. Lucas: And I think that's where we can leave it for today. The takeaway isn't 'stop blocking your calendar' — it's to check whether your focus time is a boundary or a hoard. And if it's the latter, you're not weak. You're just burned out. And that's not a character flaw. Luna: It's a signal. And signals are meant to be listened to. Lucas: Yeah. And on that note — I want to be honest about something that keeps this show going. We don't run ads on this podcast, and that's a choice. The only reason we can do that is because a small group of listeners chips in a few bucks a month through buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's not a huge number, but it's enough to keep us ad-free. Luna: And it means we can spend the time to dig into topics like this one — the ones that don't get a lot of mainstream coverage. So if you've gotten something from the show, that's one way to help keep it going. Lucas: Anyway, back to the focus hoarding — I think the next step for Dana was to actually start delegating some of her deep work. Not just the tasks, but the thinking. That was even harder for her than the calendar. Luna: Delegating thinking — that's a whole other level of trust. How did she start? Lucas: She picked one project where she was the bottleneck on decisions, and she started bringing two of her senior engineers into her 'thinking time' — but as observers, not as interrupters. Just having them there, seeing the tradeoffs she was weighing, made a huge difference. They started making better calls on their own. Luna: So she was sharing her focus instead of hoarding it. That's a beautiful reversal. Lucas: It was. And it took her from 'the dragon' to 'the guide.' Her team felt more empowered, and she felt less alone in the decisions. That's the kind of sustainable work we're actually trying to build. Luna: I love that. And it gives me a practical takeaway to try: next time I feel the urge to hide my focus, I'll ask myself, 'Can I invite someone in instead?' Lucas: That's a good question to end on. Thanks for being here, Luna. And to everyone listening — if you're hoarding your focus right now, you're not alone. And it's not a permanent state.