Latest / Truth Talks with Kelly Mason / Intimacy, Healing & the Courage to Come Home to Yourself: A Conversation with Allana Pratt

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Intimacy, Healing & the Courage to Come Home to Yourself: A Conversation with Allana Pratt · Truth Talks with Kelly Mason

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Hello everyone, welcome to our beautiful podcast today with
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Alana Pratt, who is an intimacy expert, relationship coach and
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author of six books and the host of an edgy podcast called
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intimate conversations. Alana, we are so happy to have
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you here with us today. I am psyched.
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How are you? I'm.
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Psyched. I'm psyched as well.
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Yeah, thanks for having me. So what we're going to do is
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just opened up with what is really moving you these days.
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What is it in your space that's getting you super excited and
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that you're really wanting to share with the listeners?
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1st I'll just explain intimacy to me, intimacy into me.
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I see there's a lot of times we just think intimacy means
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genital copulation. It includes that but it's so
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much more. It's really that relationship we
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have with our self first. And are there parts of you push
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away, avoid, pretend, aren't there and make you into a people
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pleaser or a control freak or not present or spending
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1,000,000 miles an hour and you can't even be here with
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yourself, with the world, with the people that matter to me.
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That's our intimate relationship with herself.
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I have a PhD in people pleasing. So like, I'm definitely here to
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teach what I'm here to learn. I've been doing this for 22
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years, just in this last week. So sometimes clients work with
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me for 15 years, sometimes just one year they're in and out.
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And I got 2 communications in the last week.
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I just had my first call of the year with my group.
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It's called the Family of Frequency.
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And I said, guess who's married and pregnant?
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So Samantha. So everyone was like cheering
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for that. And then I got a message from
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Eric, who had completed about six months ago.
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Eric's really into cats. He has found the love of his
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life who's also into cats. But she also has two children
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and he never thought he would ever be able to be a father.
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So it was so beautiful to see. I like it when it happens under
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my Mama bear, right when they can come on the call.
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But it's also really wonderful when you let go and you just,
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you did your best. You wish them the best, but then
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they let you know later look what's happened.
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Because this work that I do, it's not a one and done.
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It's not like I give them a fish.
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I teach them to fish. This is a way of being.
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This is a relationship you have with yourself, your body, your
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heart, your soul, the divine. And it's how you have all
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relationships in your life. So I freaking love what I do.
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I'm so glad that I show up vulnerably, that I'm relatable,
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that I'm been twice divorced and there's been like a criminal
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assault case with an ex. Not anywhere near perfect, but I
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do the work and the work works. And I'm so honored to, yeah, be
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on the planet, especially at this time.
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Amazing, Alana. So I love that intimacy into me.
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I see and that is something that I think is very difficult to get
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to in this age of distraction, right?
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There's so many things that are pulling us in so many
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directions. So how do you recommend maybe
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the first three steps for our listeners to be able to settle
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and to get there and to, first of all, even maybe realize that
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they're being pulled in multiple directions?
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What do you suggest? Another humbling story.
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I'm going into my third detox in a couple weeks here.
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I'm actually getting to my birthday in a week.
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I'm going to be 56 this. Wow, you look amazing.
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Thanks. Baby, thank you.
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So cleansing emotionally, cleansing mentally, not just
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cleansing physically. And what I discovered, even
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though I've been an intimacy expert for 20 years, my coffee,
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I wasn't allowed to have my coffee in the morning or my
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glass of wine at night or my bag of potato chips in the bathtub
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after a bad day. For two weeks, I was like, Oh my
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God, I am still bypassing. I am still coping.
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I'm a pretty evolved human being, but I was still utilizing
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these coping mechanisms to avoid feeling.
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So that would be the first step I would say, what with kindness
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and non judgement. What are you doing just to
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bypass that bit of discomfort? Just to not face that?
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Just to go on social media for an extra half an hour and scroll
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rather than sitting in the fire feeling the discomfort and not
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trying to fix it so you can be good enough.
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Not try to change it so you aren't so stressed.
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But can you love your shame as much as you love your knock it
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out of the park part of yourself?
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Can you love your wobbly and secure part that's so afraid of
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the unknown as much as you love the part that's got it all
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figured out? This is called unconditional
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love. We want it from everybody, but
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if we don't give it to ourself, we are batshit crazy because we
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are a frequency. We can only attract that which
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we are. So slow down.
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Feel, feel without judgement. And if you don't know how to
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feel, which I didn't, I thought feeling had an agenda, like you
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felt something to get rid of it. That's incorrect.
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You feel we're alchemists, we feel emotions to process them,
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integrate them like alchemy, like lead into gold.
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So your pain, your shame, your anger, your all your terror, all
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these things, when you integrate them, they turn into in your
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body, confidence, calmness, connection.
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We're not trying to get rid of these feelings.
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We're trying to sit with them. And like alchemy, they will turn
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into your superpowers. They so you will be embodied.
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Even we throw that word around. What the hell does it mean?
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Means you can stay in your body and respond, not react in the
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face of anything. That's a capacity.
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You build a capacity like you build a muscle at the gym.
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So you build an emotional intelligence, but also an
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emotional capacity to stay present by learning to feel a
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feeling, turning it into these other superpowers.
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And then you can give that gift that you give yourself presents.
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You can give that gift to others.
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And we call that intimacy. Yeah.
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Love that. That is so beautiful.
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So when we're realizing that, OK, I am on edge, I'm being
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distracted, I'm eating that bag of potato chips.
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I know personally what I like to do is just stop, Stop and sit
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down and meditate and listen to my breath and get grounded and
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explore the inside activity of my beingness and explore the
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where the energy is taking me within my body.
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And it's usually jumping around between different chakras.
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And so when I can sit down and get settled and observe which
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chakra is activated more, then I can go in and have a
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conversation with that chakra. OK, what is it that you want to
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tell me? What is it that I need to know
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right now? And it's such a beautiful way to
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be able to communicate with the board of advisors.
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I call them the divine board of advisors, right?
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Because we forget that we do have what we call a kula, which
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means a family or a community of energy around us, the kula of
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guides. And even when we're talking
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about our nervous system regulation and how we can become
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more coherent with our mind, body connection, this is all
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part of the intimacy that you speak of.
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So when you are in this place, Alana, what are your kind of go
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TOS? You meditate, What is it
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exercise or walking? What do you love to do?
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And how can we start to guide our listeners into a practice?
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Yeah, I'll get back to meditation in one second.
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I'm reminded of, I was honored to lead a meditation for heart
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math at their annual convention in Cancun before COVID.
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And what I loved, I was so humbled because I could get
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that. It's called an inner balance.
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You put it on your ear and you put it on your phone and you
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check how coherent you are. I could get up to about a four,
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but apparently enlightened people could get up to like
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higher. And I'm like.
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What's wrong with me? Why?
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Can't I do it? So imagine a heart.
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Half of the heart that really raises your coherence is being
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in appreciation of something. And so what's the gift in this?
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How can I be grateful even for a challenge that'll raise you to a
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certain point, but not all the way?
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The other thing that would raise the number higher is that when
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things weren't going well, not to try to dampen it down, not to
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try to have a good attitude, but to just give compassion and
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tenderness to that part of you without an agenda to change it
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back into a happy place. So this allowance and compassion
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and tenderness without an agenda to fix raised the level of
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coherence. And then the last thing that
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raised it, which was very humbling as well, was let go of
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the outcome, let go of the attachment that I need to have a
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higher number. Like just can I love myself now,
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not wait to love myself when? And that also raised it up.
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So these are concepts, but they're also ways of being that
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can be literally measured in our coherence.
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So appreciation, compassion and surrender.
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Letting go and letting this moment be enough and letting you
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be enough. So when it comes to meditation,
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I used to use meditation as a coping mechanism to calm myself
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down. Which is another way of saying
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the way I am is not OK. Judgement, right?
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So I would, I call it sprinkles on top of the ice cream cone of
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shit. And then I would disassociate
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and be a really good observer outside of my body and be
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superior. Like somehow my body was wrong
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and my spiritual self was better.
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Which is not. It's the opposite of embodiment.
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So I don't use meditation as a coping mechanism to calm myself
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down anymore because I've realized that's judging the way
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I am is not OK. So again, I just be in allowance
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of where it whatever I am and can I love me now I'm terrified.
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Can I be terrified and not try to fix the terrified 1 and just
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love her, bring her home. So there's a 2 of me going on.
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There's like my higher self and my terrified self, and they're
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not one's not better than the other, and we're all just being
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together. And there's something magical
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about not judging my terror and feeling my terror that
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inherently integrates my terror into awareness or a higher
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vibrational point of view. But not from trying to fix it.
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Not from judging any part of me as less than another part of me.
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The homecoming. That's my practice.
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Just be with all my parts. Or am I excited?
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Erotic, exuberant, orgasmic parts don't tame her down
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either. If she feels like making love
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with life and she's really in a turned on mood by her
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creativity, let her RIP. Let her dance around the
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backyard naked if she needs to. Like whatever, yeah.
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I love that. I love that because after all,
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we are here having that human experience, right?
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We're human beings, so we're here to experience the entire
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emotional scale. I have concerns sometimes for
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the children, the younger generations growing up, because
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there's so many kids these days that are medicating themselves.
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And even the medical community is medicating the kids.
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Yeah, as they're needing to label everything, which is
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absolutely going in the wrong direction because we're all here
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built uniquely and perfectly, and we're here to fall.
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We're here to have trauma. We're here to have sadness and
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suffering and all of that. And so I love how you talk about
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you just go in and receive everything about yourself, the
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entire being conscious, having your higher self perspective and
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then at the same time moving through your pain.
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And that's what we're meant to do.
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So there's no shame in that. You're absolutely right.
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I love that. Thank you.
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Yeah. One of our larger demographics
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of our listeners, our parents, because parents have the hardest
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job when we don't realize that until we get into it, until we
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become a parent. And you're a parent as well.
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So, you know, and so, you know, we want to understand a little
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bit more of how we can raise a happy, harmonious family.
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Every family is going to have its struggles because we're all
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wounded. We're all here on earth in this
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place of extreme duality and polarities, night and day, hot
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and cold, right? But we want to also understand
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how to better communicate with our kids.
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And what do you recommend when there is conflict in the family?
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How do you recommend the parent be able to deal with that and
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begin the conversation? Yeah.
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If you can't be with your own emotions, you can't be with your
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children's emotions. If you judge your own emotions
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is wrong, you will be judging your children is wrong and they
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will feel it and they will react more because they will feel
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judged. But you're superior in there.
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Inferior. So we always have to take full
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ownership and responsibility and become our best selves.
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First two, we need to know that we're no better than our kids.
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We make mistakes and own it. Don't judge them, blame them, or
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pretend that we're not. Pretend we're perfect when we're
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not. So to really own our own
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behaviors, clean up our messes, make up for the damage done and
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then 3rd conflict is not wrong or bad.
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Ruptures are not wrong or bad. It's part of life.
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It's our capacity to repair them that makes us truly powerful.
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Not to have a household that's perfect all the time and
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there's. No ruptures.
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Everybody's happy. Because that's not real.
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So again, conflict isn't wrong, ruptures aren't wrong, emotions
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aren't wrong, growth is good. And to lean in to evolution and
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to be willing to say, I don't know, that's a great question.
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I don't know, let's explore that together, not to always have to
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try to have all the answers. And then lastly, structure, a
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structure that works, a structure that we can all come
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together to. I've been trained probably 25
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years at this point. It's called a dyad.
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I'll give you a little. I have six books, but I also
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have 3 journals. And the journals have a lot of
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these questions as prompts that you can do by yourself and
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answer the question, or you can use them at the dinner table or
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going for a walk or what have you with your kids or your
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spouse. A diet is generally 40 minutes.
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The 1st 5 minutes is based on heart coherence.
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You go back and forth and you say, tell me, let's practice,
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Kelly. OK, tell me something you like
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about me. One thing.
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Tell me something you like about me.
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I like your enthusiasm, I like your energy.
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You're very vital, very youthful and very deep and spiritual at
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the same time that. Was a lot of things, but thank
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you, thank you. So the idea is somebody asks,
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somebody answers and then I'd all I get to say is thank you
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and thank you means I heard you and I understand I may agree, I
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may not agree. It's not about agreement.
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This is about deep seeking of understanding of the other.
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OK, so then now it's my turn. So your sorry your turn you
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asked me. OK, what is?
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Tell me something that you like about me.
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I like that we're a Canadian. Thank you.
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And what I like about that is that there's a we're not out to
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be better than one another. We're here like, how can we
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collaborate? How can we cooperate?
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How can we hear each other? And I really feel that energy
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from you, your kindness and leaning into envelope me into
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your world. Thank you.
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Yeah. That's the first question in a
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diet, you go back and forth for 5 minutes and it's honestly
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meant to build heart coherence. OK, so the whole conversation
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will go better from there. Second question for 5 minutes
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back and forth. Tell me something you think we
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align on. We align on our souls being
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eternal and here to explore this human experience.
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Thank you. And then you ask me, tell me
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something. Yeah, tell me something that we
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align on. Yeah, that you think we align
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on. So because I you may agree with
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me, you may disagree with me, but you're just curious.
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So something I think we align on is we've both been through some
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tough parenting experiences, and we're willing to allow it to
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make us better and grow even closer with our children.
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Thank you. Yeah.
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So that second question obviously is meant to build
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alignment. So with people, let's say you're
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having conflict with your kid or conflict with your spouse, when
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you do the second question for 5 minutes, you remember you're on
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the same team so that you've built some goodwill on those
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moments that really make you feel like you're on opposite
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sides of the, like a winner and a loser.
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But that's third dimension. Third dimension is win, lose,
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good, bad, wrong. 5th dimension, win, win, win, win, win, win for
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you, win for me, win for humanity.
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So this builds alignment between two people.
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So second question, 5 minutes, third question, 30 minutes, same
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question. And that one changes.
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The first two always stay the same.
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The third one always changes every time you ever do a dyad.
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So for example, I'll give you some different examples.
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Tell me something you want me to understand that you think I
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don't fully understand. This is huge with kids.
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You don't get me. You understand.
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So this question allows for tell me something you want me to
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understand that you think I don't fully understand.
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And you go back and forth for 30 minutes and all you get to say
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is thank you, no interrupting, no last time you said or you
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never. Nope.
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You just so the listener learns how to sit in the fire and shut
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the F up and just say thank you and acknowledge and honor the
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truth of another's experiences just as valid as your
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experience. Nobody's right here.
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Nobody's wrong here. OK, the third question, maybe
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you do it once a week. It could be something like tell
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me something you're afraid to tell me.
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Or it could be something like tell me a way you like to be
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loved that I could do an even better job at.
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Let's say it's an intimate relationship.
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The third question could be tell me a way you like to be touched.
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There's so this last question can and I give these assignments
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to do once a week with couples, once a week with families.
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So there's always a safe place to never be judged, build
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intimacy, be vulnerable, be heard, practice learning how to
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listen without interrupting all these skills.
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This is huge. If you could have a family
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meeting once a week and everyone could answer these questions and
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everyone learns how to say thank you and respect each other's
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truths and then in an intimate relationship do the same.
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It is life changing because deep down all we really want is to be
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heard and understood. Beautiful.
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Beautiful. Absolutely.
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I love that. That is so much power and
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wonderful. We have wonderful tools now that
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we can all work with. I know that every Sunday, my
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kids and I, we go electronic free.
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We don't have any electronics, no phones, nothing.
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And we just go for walks and generally walks in nature.
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And that's when all the sharing comes out.
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And it's an incredible opportunity because I learned so
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much about what's going on for them at school, in their private
19:12
lives. They tell me everything when
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they have this opportunity to breathe and be together.
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So I recommend that. It's just been, we've been doing
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this since they were very young. My kids are now 19 and 17 when
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we started when they were around four or five years old.
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And that's why we're so close, I believe, because we've been able
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to look forward to our Sunday walks and communication.
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And now I have more tools to work with some of these
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questions that you've suggested. I love that.
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I really love what you're saying, Kelly.
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I started about the same age with my son.
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We started on the trampoline. That's where we have the
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conversations. Science shows that men like to
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talk more side by side. So if you have a son, go for a
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walk side by side, a drive trampoline, this kind of thing.
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And women feel safer when it's eye to eye.
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And so be willing to change if you have a son and a daughter,
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that their bodies and their wirings could be a little
20:13
different, but play around until you find a way that you see them
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exhale, you see their shoulders go down, you see the front of
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their bodies soften. And be willing to be malleable
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to make it safe for the other to communicate.
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I love that. That is so beautiful, okay.
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And obviously, you have a lot of experience working with couples
20:33
and intimacy, so maybe you can tell us a little bit about how
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you navigate some of that guidance and what's what that
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looks like nowadays? Yeah, I'm just because I just
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taught you the Dyad 1. I had one couple, they were
20:47
married 28 years, always fighting about everything.
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I gave them one dyad. I was the referee that taught
20:54
them how to do it. But they heard each other for
20:57
the first time in 28 years that they were actually on the same
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page about things. But they've never been.
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They never grew up in a place safe enough to just say thank
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you. They were always made wrong or
21:07
judged. So they always had their Dukes
21:09
up. So it's a very powerful
21:10
practice. Another couple that I worked
21:12
with, I met them in a diner. I met him first and then I met
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her. She came to the diner.
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This is before we officially were working together.
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And I gave him that assignment and I helped them with the first
21:21
few questions. But the third one, I said, tell
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me something you're afraid to tell me.
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And I said, I'm going to go to the bathroom and then when I
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come back, if you're not done, just wave me away.
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They sat there for 30 minutes, Kelly sharing.
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And the rule was they could only say thank you.
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They had never ever said thank you.
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They had always made each other wrong, defended, judged,
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etcetera. And then they came to work with
21:44
me for several years. And their marriage, they were
21:47
not even having sex. They were blaming each other.
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They were each on a lot of medication to just numb out and
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they got off the medications. The family got to be a closer
21:57
cohesive unit through simply not interrupting and seeking to
22:01
understand. So it's super, super important.
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Another thing I would do with couples, sexes become
22:07
perfunctory or they check out or they're not even having it, or
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maybe there's been an affair or maybe somebody's expression has
22:15
been made wrong, it's too much, or they've been caught doing
22:18
porn and then they feel rejected, like a lot of
22:21
different reasons. So when I get them back into
22:23
intimacy, I get them to start with little wins.
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It's like a 21 day intimacy boot camp, I guess you could call it.
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But day one, you're only allowed to hold hands.
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That's it, that's it. And it's 30 minutes and every
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day we build a little bit more and we build in you only get to
22:41
kiss on the lips, that's it. And no genitals.
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Nothing. And then as the days and weeks
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go on, it's only oral sex for one partner who has to speak
22:52
what they like. And then the And that's it.
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And then you switch. And maybe they only get to read
22:59
erotic fiction or they only get to be blindfolded and touch each
23:05
other. Like all these little containers
23:08
in which you win, in which you have an experience of winning in
23:11
the next day, winning in the next day, winning because
23:14
there's been so much rejection and fear of showing up again and
23:18
hurt feelings and then not communicating or the
23:21
communicating getting made wrong.
23:23
So these ways of creating containers that build upon each
23:27
other over three weeks is that it's rapturous by the end of it
23:32
all. And they remember that that
23:35
intimacy is way more than just sticking it in.
23:38
There's so much foreplay, so much attunement, so much breath,
23:43
so much awareness, so much nuances.
23:46
They really get to be attuned to their partner and not instantly
23:50
shut down. Make it wrong.
23:51
Oh my God, what did I do wrong? They learn to lean in.
23:55
They learn to ask questions, they learn to stay present.
23:58
They learn when they're getting feedback.
24:00
Slower, faster, pause, stop, more hold.
24:05
You don't check out, you're not being made wrong.
24:08
You're being invited into deeper pleasure and rapture.
24:11
It's it's gorgeous. Wow, I love that.
24:14
That's amazing. It's really a level of
24:17
vulnerability that you're allowing the partners to have.
24:21
And I think that makes sense in all relationship, not the sexual
24:25
part of it, but having that vulnerability with friends or
24:30
with your kids opening up and, and saying when you do this is
24:34
how it makes me feel. Maybe with the child who's
24:38
hiding the marijuana and, and not sharing that they're,
24:42
they're feeling depressed or whatever that reason may be, or
24:45
bored, you could say, I realize that you're doing this and this
24:49
is how I felt when I discovered this and share with me, what is
24:53
it that you're using it for? These types of things that can
24:56
be turned into anything, right? And, and just coming into that
25:01
place of vulnerability, but making that place feel safe
25:04
first. So how do we set that up?
25:07
Then? How do we, before you start,
25:10
just like you said, you go slow, right?
25:11
Start withholding hands. But that may be even a bit
25:16
difficult because there might be some rejection energetically
25:20
between the couples or within the family.
25:23
So how do we prepare that safe space?
25:28
In intimacy, I believe, is the core fundamental building block
25:31
of our self realization. So if we don't have intimacy
25:34
with our self, if we don't make sure we don't reject ourselves,
25:39
we're going to fail If we're attached that they better not
25:42
reject me. Oh look, they rejected me again.
25:44
I give up. That means you just rejected
25:46
yourself. You just rejected yourself.
25:48
So the core fundamental building block is in the face of
25:51
anything, I've got my own back. In the face of anything, I will
25:54
not reject myself. In the face of anything, I will
25:56
keep my heart open to myself. My worth is not based on their
26:00
behavior. My safety is not based on their
26:03
behavior. I am a whole.
26:04
I am complete. I have my own back.
26:06
I can be uncomfortable, but I will not reject myself and I
26:09
will not close my heart to myself.
26:11
That's our own responsibility. Then from that place of
26:14
wholeness, you come to another and I like to put it in a
26:17
sandwich. I learned this back in
26:18
Toastmasters, actually, not even in any of my intimacy training,
26:22
but you put the bread right on the outside of the sandwich.
26:25
You always start with what you appreciate about the other.
26:27
Let's say for the example of you find marijuana, you go, hey, I
26:31
just want to 1st ask permission if they're available to talk.
26:34
OK, so don't talk at somebody. You want to talk with somebody,
26:37
so ask for permission first. Is now a good time?
26:39
So if now's a good time, great. First, I just want you to know
26:42
how grateful I am that you're in my life, that we can have these
26:45
kind of conversations and that you you're ready to communicate
26:49
with me right now or you welcome me to communicate with
26:51
gratitude. Middle of the sandwich, ask
26:53
permission. Can I tell you what's on my
26:55
heart? Can I tell you a truth that's
26:57
inside of me? Again, more permission.
27:00
So you get the permission I'm and then underneath the top
27:03
emotion of you're pissed off, you're what's underneath that.
27:06
I'm scared probably, or I'm hurt, or I'm sad.
27:13
Generally anger is on top of anguish, underneath something
27:17
underneath, right? So if you found marijuana
27:20
initially you might be freaked out or mad, but underneath that
27:22
you're probably scared. What else are they doing?
27:25
Am IA bad parent? What's going on?
27:27
Are they depressed? All these kind of things.
27:29
So express the vulnerable emotion.
27:33
The end of the sandwich. Tell me how you feel.
27:36
Tell me what's true for you. Tell me what's going on in your
27:38
world. I want to know.
27:40
So it's not like a position, it's a conversation, it's a back
27:44
and forth. So you toss it over to them to
27:47
tell what's real. And then when they tell you
27:48
what's real, practicing thank you don't go right into
27:52
judgement or fixing or but last time or instead of thank you
27:57
could also say wow tell me more. Make it even safer to go like 3
28:02
layers deeper or make sounds. Wow.
28:04
If I was you, I can imagine I'd feel the same way.
28:07
Tell me more. Make it so safe for their
28:10
reality to be honored, heard, understood, and curious about
28:14
it. And if they have that practice
28:16
of wow, you didn't fly off the handle, you didn't judge me, You
28:19
didn't go right into freaking out.
28:21
Oh, it's safe to talk with you. I think I'll do more of that.
28:24
And that's a good to me. That's a good framework.
28:28
I love that. That's amazing.
28:30
So you had mentioned your 21 day program.
28:33
Is that something that is available on your website or is
28:37
it something that can be done if anybody could just go to and
28:40
sign up for your 21 days or is it no?
28:44
Actually, I, that's a great idea.
28:45
I know. No, it's generally what I give
28:48
my couples when I start working with them because I work with
28:50
people for a year. I don't give them a fish, I
28:52
teach them to fish. That's 20, that's 21 weeks,
28:55
really different. It could be 21 days in a row,
28:57
but I try to give them dyads and doing it over time.
29:00
On my website though, there is the top five mistakes that
29:04
destroy a conscious relationship.
29:05
That's a complimentary 5 video program that you can go to on my
29:08
website. It's a, we call it like a mini
29:10
course and because everybody's smart, if you can see it, you'll
29:14
fix it. So it has to be something
29:16
subconscious. It has to be a blind spot that
29:18
you're like, oh, I thought it was this, but it actually it's
29:20
something underneath it. So that is a resource people can
29:23
utilize. And I'll take your advice and
29:25
maybe I will put that 21 days out there for people I find
29:29
without the container of two people agreeing to go through it
29:33
all. What if somebody aborts mission
29:35
in five days? Then you just get to be right,
29:37
don't you? That they never and I always.
29:39
So I find containers are so important, the sanctuary, the
29:44
commitment and burn, the bridge behind us.
29:47
And we don't know what the outcome is going to be.
29:49
But I'm not going to give up on you halfway through.
29:51
That's very important, especially with couples who have
29:54
already been let down many times.
29:56
So that's one of the reasons why I haven't just put it out there
29:59
for anyone. It's power and power can be used
30:02
or misused. Absolutely.
30:05
Now that we know we have that dyad, right?
30:08
So you call it the dyad. And once we've come to that,
30:12
that understanding, then what do you suggest to your clients to
30:18
go even deeper, to go into a place of now let's grow
30:23
together, let's build together because old bad habits can come
30:27
up again around control, around just subconscious belief
30:32
systems. So is there some kind of
30:34
practice or what do you recommend for that?
30:39
Yeah, if so, in some of my practices they just come to
30:42
group calls or maybe there's another package they'll do where
30:45
they do more private calls as well as group calls.
30:47
And then there's other packages where they do psychedelic
30:50
somatic integration work with me and they come out and we do deep
30:53
inner work in the body with psychedelics and trauma.
30:57
So as much as one partner wants to not react anymore, their
31:03
partner isn't the problem, their partner is the catalyst.
31:06
The the actual issue is the wound in the body that's not
31:09
healed, that's all the way back to childhood or if you believe
31:12
it could be a even a past life that's been carried forward.
31:15
So I do a lot of deep work with couples who are really at a
31:18
brink. They've tried everything.
31:20
And if I believe it's a fit and they're open to it, we'll go
31:24
super deep and I'll do individual psychedelic somatic
31:27
integration weekends. Because it's rarely about the
31:30
other person. It's rarely their fault.
31:32
Sometimes there is a drinking issue or some other kind of
31:35
addiction, but most of the time they're just the catalyst for a
31:38
wound that has not yet been healed.
31:40
And so we can start to see each other's partner as their master
31:43
spiritual teacher. Not their enemy, actually their
31:47
ally. So I do the first journey
31:49
separately and then I bring them together for journeys together
31:52
and I'm able to facilitate conversations in ways that
31:56
they've never had before that generally turn into what I'll
32:00
say not sex, but lovemaking like they've never had before.
32:05
And then an ability to get on the same page and dream with
32:09
struck and then create structure and accountability to create
32:13
something. Not one and one is 2, but 1 + 1
32:16
is Infinity. Something bigger than they'd
32:18
ever been able to dream. And take action into when they
32:23
weren't quite on the same page. So they might show up at 80%
32:26
because last time they did this and I don't want to get hurt
32:29
again. So you never quite fully engage
32:31
in the relationship or life. So that could be like a
32:34
trajectory overtime. Foundations are everything.
32:38
Deeper roots, higher shoots. So we always start the inside
32:41
creates the outside and then we just use the dyads instead of it
32:45
being an opportunity to repair ruptures, we use those dyads to
32:50
create visions and then accountability and actions and
32:55
celebrations and get the whole family involved or what have
32:58
you. And it's been really beautiful
33:00
to see people. One couple, they ended up
33:02
selling their big house, moving to Costa Rica.
33:05
They one is more into art, once more into music.
33:08
The kids that were not staying around a little too long, if you
33:11
ask me, they needed to move on with their lives.
33:13
They moved on with their lives and and they they led by example
33:17
and so the whole family up leveled.
33:19
It was really beautiful. Oh my gosh, so beautiful.
33:21
That reminds me of when we moved to Costa Rica and had our Oh my
33:25
gosh, yes, oh, that's amazing. So divinely LED I.
33:29
Know that. Oh, there was a documentary made
33:32
about it. What's it called?
33:33
What's it called? It's called Pave the Road and I
33:37
literally became a road builder. But it's quite a journey.
33:41
We, the kids and I, turned our cameras on ourselves for a
33:44
decade. Wow.
33:46
Yeah. And documented how we had a
33:49
separation from their dad. It was very sad, but we needed
33:54
to move on. I needed to move on as a single
33:56
mother. And so we moved to the jungle
33:59
and in Montezuma. And Jesse was 2.
34:03
Joella was 4. Jesse was. 20 My goodness, how
34:08
could we know each other? But I never knew this about you,
34:09
honey. Wow, my.
34:10
Gosh, it's such an incredible experience.
34:13
And the reason I'm also bringing this up is because sometimes we
34:17
just don't know where life is going to take us.
34:20
You know, when we moved, when we, I was redirected there by
34:24
Tony Robbins. This is so strange.
34:26
I didn't go to a Tony Robbins event.
34:28
He actually stopped me on my street personally when I was
34:32
pushing the stroller. The day that I realized that my
34:36
marriage was over and the foundation had fallen out, we
34:41
had no way of recourse. And Tony must have seen me
34:45
coming because I was in this very dark space.
34:49
And I looked up at this hand. This hand had come down from the
34:54
sky. He's.
34:56
A big man, so the. Huge he's the big guy and at the
35:00
hand and then I hear Tony say you know this raspy voice say
35:04
hi, I'm Tony. What's your name?
35:07
And that's when I looked at I said, when Kelly and he said,
35:10
are these your kids? And I said, yes, Joella and
35:13
Jesse. And the third question was, are
35:17
you OK? And then the 4th question, which
35:19
was the most important question was, what are you going to do to
35:23
get OK? Said I'm going to take a yoga
35:26
retreat. And so happened, of course, the
35:30
way the universe guided me was that the next day in my yoga
35:35
class, my teacher said I have one more spot left in my retreat
35:38
to Costa Rica next week. And so I took it.
35:42
And from there, we were guided to Costa Rica, where I thought I
35:48
was going to open a healing center, but had people lined up
35:53
for months outside our yurt for healings.
35:58
Because I can see the past lives and what's happened in childhood
36:03
and all of those things. I have that gift to see exactly
36:06
the roles that they're playing for each other.
36:08
Then after that, I got a call from a mother that said my son
36:14
stopped breathing in the middle of the night.
36:17
We have to take him out of school.
36:19
It's a health hazard. How can you help us?
36:22
And I knew that in that moment, that was my calling to be there
36:27
in Costa Rica and to have purpose and to do community
36:31
service work. And there's something else I
36:34
suggest is that when we are in a bind or we're feeling lost, to
36:40
be able to pivot a 180 and try to help others.
36:46
When you're feeling that you need help, you think, OK, how
36:49
can I help? How can I bring power back
36:53
within my heart, within my soul, my body?
36:56
And so that's where I found my healing.
37:00
And at the same time, we ended up creating environmental
37:04
legislation, finding a solution for plastic waste.
37:08
A story goes on and on. You couldn't write the stuff.
37:11
And that's like everyone's lives, right?
37:14
We all, if we can surrender to the mystery of of life and like
37:22
you said earlier, choose the present moment and be curious
37:27
and pull back on judgement. But instead, return to the
37:33
perspective of the child. Have that innocent awe of life
37:37
and the curiosity. Whenever we don't know what's
37:40
going to happen. It's not Oh my God, I don't know
37:42
what's going to happen. I don't.
37:43
I better get a job or I better do this.
37:46
No say I'm curious about what's going to happen.
37:50
I'm curious how this next miracle is going to happen for
37:52
me. You know how these dreams are
37:54
going to come true. I wonder what is in store, And I
37:58
think this is really important too, for young people when
38:01
they're finishing high school and not sure where they want to
38:04
go with whether it's university or job or travel, maybe travel.
38:09
Just put yourself out there, be curious, know that you don't
38:15
need to know because a lot of you and I know we've lived a lot
38:18
of life and we know that we're always pivoting.
38:21
We're always being LED into the next opportunity to serve.
38:26
Our movement created an investigation into the
38:30
government, and in that investigation they found 72
38:34
corrupt government officials and they were all arrested and
38:41
imprisoned. And that's just from me, a mom,
38:47
a single mom who didn't speak the language, didn't have any
38:50
family or friends, a job, I didn't even have a car.
38:53
I used to have one child under each arm when I would jump on a
38:56
motorcycle or a quad to get to the town to do my grocery
39:00
shopping or to take them to the doctor or whatever it is.
39:04
But it all led to this incredible outcome.
39:09
So I really went from feeling invisible and lost being a
39:13
legacy. And when I say legacy doesn't
39:16
mean that you have to do huge work in the world, legacy means
39:20
how do you leave a place? How do you make people feel when
39:24
you're with them? This is your legacy.
39:26
So I think that with all the work that you and I do, Alana,
39:30
it really is about how are we making each other feel in the
39:34
end, What role are we playing for each other?
39:37
It's not how much money are you making, how many followers you
39:41
have, what titles you have, It really in the end that doesn't
39:46
matter. But anyway, So Alana, I know
39:48
that we're wrapping it up. Do you have any closing
39:50
statements for our listeners? Yeah.
39:53
A couple of things about your share.
39:54
Thank you for sharing that with me.
39:56
Leaving a place better than we found it, leaving a person
39:59
better than we found it is legacy.
40:00
I love that. And this idea of wonder and
40:03
curiosity in the face of the unknown when I hopped on Uncle
40:06
Phil's 18 Wheeler semi at 19 from Canada down to Lai failed.
40:12
I didn't do. I didn't do what I set out to
40:14
do. I set out to get a job dancing.
40:15
It did. But I got 1 dancing in Japan,
40:17
not dancing one in the States because I didn't have a working
40:20
visa. But when we're in curiosity and
40:22
wonder, I believe the divine has its way with us, can have its
40:25
way with us, can guide us, can speak to our intuition, our
40:28
instincts. But when we try to figure it out
40:31
from fear in our mind, I don't think we always make the best
40:34
choices. So that sense of innocence and
40:37
wonder allows the universe to go, hey, little to the left,
40:40
little to the right, and allows people like Tony run into people
40:43
like Tony Robbins or who are you going to run into?
40:46
You're receptive to the divine supporting you because you're
40:50
open to divine will, not trying to be in charge with your ego
40:53
will. And I think life goes a lot more
40:55
elegantly and, and there's no failure earlier.
40:57
I think that's the last thing I'll say.
40:59
There's a lot of learning, a lot of growth, a lot of evolution,
41:02
but failing to me as if you just give up.
41:04
But as long as you get back up again, you will be wiser,
41:06
stronger, more humbled, more curious, more grateful, and in
41:11
every moment of your life will be equally satisfying.
41:15
You're not going to wait for the outcome or the accomplishment or
41:17
the achievement to say, finally, I'm good enough.
41:19
Every moment is 1 where you can be really proud of yourself.
41:23
So thank you for having me on today.
41:24
Thanks for sharing more about your journey so I get to know
41:27
you more. And thank you all for watching
41:29
and listening. Thanks, Alana.
41:31
It's just been such a pleasure. OK, everyone, you heard it.
41:35
There's no failure, only redirection.
41:37
And if you do decide that you need to give up at something and
41:41
take some time to go into intimacy, into me.
41:46
I see. Then that's great.
41:49
Take the time that you need because you'll always be LED.
41:52
Thank you everyone. We'll see you next time.
41:55
Thanks again, Alana. Bye for now.