Latest / We Talk Back / Choreplay with Jordan Carlos

Transcript

Choreplay with Jordan Carlos · We Talk Back

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: and the Black Effect Network.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: So we're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: who talks. What's up, y'alls? Your girl a j Holiday,
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: what's up Tam Damn, Hey girl, Hey girl.
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: I love y'all.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: Thank y'all for coming back for another episode. I missed
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: y'all so much.
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: That was your weekend?
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: That eventful? I didn't do shit for real, you'll be lying.
• 0:31
  Speaker 4: And I missed a really nice event in Charleston on Sunday,
• 0:33
  Speaker 4: but I didn't.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: I didn't get out the house for it.
• 0:35
  Speaker 4: I literally did nothing this weekend and I felt good
• 0:38
  Speaker 4: about it.
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, sometimes that's what you need.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: I paid bills, that's the most idea was put my
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: laptop out the payment lifebeling. Shit, Well that's all good.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Let me tell you what happened to me this weekend.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: I just feel like shit, like it just be chaos, right,
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: like all right, I got so I haven't. I don't
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: move into my place in Charlotte until the first I
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: had to push it. They pushed it back till the first.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: So that's my official movement and day I was supposed
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: to move in on Friday. So I ended up getting
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: the room for the night after work Friday night, and
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: I just got a room at the Double Tree uptown
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: right and I was tired. I left Columbia like six
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: in the morning. I got here eight and I worked
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: till eight at night. So now it's like almost nine.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: I'm checking in my room. I'm like, I can't wait
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: till lay down and just eat my little burker.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: I go in the room.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: I opened the door, I walked, I stepped one foot
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: in the room and I slip on something and then
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: I filled the floor to get up and it's goo
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: something googy under me. And I was like, yeah, somebody's
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: dead in this motherfucker because I can't see it. I
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: haven't turned on the lights yet. The door closed behind me.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: I'm like, there's a dead body in here.
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: I'm sure.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: And then somebody's go somebody's gonna kill me in this bitch,
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: I know it.
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: And I left my pistol in the glove compartment, so
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: I did. I turned off the light. Girl, it's dukie
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: water all over.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: The water bro like for the toilet. Oh my god,
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: this overflowed all over the floor, like in the doorway.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: This it looks like. I don't know if it came
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: out to sink or the toilet. I don't know.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: I didn't say to inspect. When I tell you, I
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: screamed to the top of my lungs. It probably sounds
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: like somebody was getting killed in because I was hollering,
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: dookie water girl.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: And that girl.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: I'm back in a boot, so I heard you. Yes,
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: I twisted my foot, the foot that I broke. I'm
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: back in a boot. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, I'm
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: back in the boot, looking crazy, looking fucking crazy out here.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: Like a lawsuit.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: Because what at least that's a girl girl.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: What can you imagine? I got pictures. I gotta send
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: it to you.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: It's I'm talking dookie water Fred Like I was like.
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: Like screaming, hollering, and then.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: You need to go get a chat and shot. You
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: get a tetnic shot too. Yeah, they gave me a shot.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: Like I went to the hospital. I went to the hospital.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: They did X rays on my foot. I did not
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: rebreak the bone, but there is some injury in my
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: butt bone too, Like my butt and all this cushion.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: You think I would be safe, No, the tailbone and telephone? Yeah,
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: so yeah.
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: That happened to me this weekend.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: So then I was just laid up, you know, after
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: they had what the fucking fuck?
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: But you know, we at.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: That age where like you really can't get an injury
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: at all because like injury ever. Yes, So that happened
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: to me, y'all. Dukie water at the double three? Was
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: that actual pieces of ship in it? It was just like
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: the it was dark. It was brown, like brown brown
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: like right exactly. Yeah, oh bitch, I can't do it.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: Let them have it at that front desk, girl, y'all
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: know this happened like when was the last time I
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: was in this room? When was the last time was cleaned?
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: It like something exploded in there for sure, you know what,
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: probably wanted to cleaning people or somebody probably used that
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: restroom and then then realize it overflow and it looked like, yeah,
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: like somebody somebody exploded and it's something exploded. Oh hell no,
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: yees girl. So that was my weekend, y'all. What we
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: talk about today a little bit of shit.
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: Line, all right, So y'all, today we're breaking down how
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: everyday effort, chores, responsibility, showing up has become a whole
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: new love language.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: Essentially in relationships. Don't you think I love a nigga
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: who clean up behind him?
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: I can't wait to get it in this one.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: We got a special guest when we talked back this week.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: We'll be back, go ahead, all right, yeah, so we'll
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: be right back with that guess.
• 5:07
  Speaker 4: All right, y'all, and we're back.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: And quick question.
• 5:11
  Speaker 4: If your partner starts doing more around the house, cleaning, cooking,
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: helping out, does that make them more attractive?
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: Okay? Or are you like nigga, that's what the fuck
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: you're supposed to be doing. That's who I am, That's
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: what I'm okay. So today's guests wrote a book about it. Okay.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: It's called chore Play, because apparently washing dishes is now
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: four play. Okay. So we do have comedian Jordan Carlos
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: on we talked back this week and we're talking relationships.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: So he usually makes people laugh, but he's written a
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: book on how to save your relationship via doing your chores,
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: doing some shit around the house. I love this, Jordan Carlos.
• 5:58
  Speaker 5: I don't know if I was allowed to talk to Yeah,
• 6:00
  Speaker 5: I never okay, Okay, I always trying to I always
• 6:02
  Speaker 5: try to be very form of being. You got two
• 6:04
  Speaker 5: sisters on this podcast right now. Try to be very
• 6:07
  Speaker 5: respectful and know when I supposed to talk. I have
• 6:11
  Speaker 5: been married for almost nineteen years, so I have to
• 6:14
  Speaker 5: know when to speak, when it's allowed, when I'm allowed
• 6:18
  Speaker 5: to go. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate this,
• 6:21
  Speaker 5: Aja Tam, and thank you for commenting on my book. Yes, listen,
• 6:26
  Speaker 5: I wrote this book because we've just we've lost a
• 6:28
  Speaker 5: lot of good men out here, and I'm just trying
• 6:32
  Speaker 5: to help them out with some really kind of just
• 6:35
  Speaker 5: low hanging fruit, some real just easy hacks for around
• 6:40
  Speaker 5: the house and just stuff that you know, men should
• 6:45
  Speaker 5: probably be doing anyway, Yes, should be doing anyway for themselves,
• 6:48
  Speaker 5: just for themselves, right, And by virtue of that, by
• 6:52
  Speaker 5: doing things for yourself, it can have this kind of
• 6:55
  Speaker 5: like snowball effect where you know, you're not even trying
• 6:58
  Speaker 5: to impress your good life, lay your partner, whatever it is.
• 7:01
  Speaker 5: It's just like you're doing that for yourself. And then
• 7:03
  Speaker 5: like from that, from that, I found the outcome is
• 7:08
  Speaker 5: that yeah, you can, you can smash more so, which
• 7:12
  Speaker 5: has been great. I mean a guy like me that's
• 7:15
  Speaker 5: just eighteen going on nineteen seasons in We're always happy
• 7:20
  Speaker 5: for that, you.
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: Know, yeah, because you can see clutter around the room
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: in the dark.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: I don't want to smash in this.
• 7:25
  Speaker 5: I'm sorry, right truly, truly, I mean there are sure
• 7:29
  Speaker 5: there are times like in my twenties college age, like
• 7:32
  Speaker 5: that didn't really matter. It was passion, you know what
• 7:34
  Speaker 5: I'm saying, So like that that is, that's true. But
• 7:37
  Speaker 5: what's cut in your twenties is not cute in your forties.
• 7:40
  Speaker 5: And that's kind of what that book, this book is about,
• 7:43
  Speaker 5: is that things change, they do, and you have to
• 7:46
  Speaker 5: be you have to be ready for that change, and
• 7:48
  Speaker 5: you have to be ready for that new like operating system,
• 7:50
  Speaker 5: because let's just say in the book, like we update
• 7:53
  Speaker 5: our phones every way two weeks, we got to get
• 7:56
  Speaker 5: a new operating system whatever it is, you know, so
• 7:59
  Speaker 5: it's like go, you know, like, of course logically you
• 8:02
  Speaker 5: need to update what your partnership is as well and
• 8:06
  Speaker 5: what that will look like.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: And like an epiphany or were you just getting in
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: trouble at home? You ain't getting no cooochie like you
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: was like what are you let me get a mop?
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: Like what happened? How did the book?
• 8:17
  Speaker 5: I mean, we tried all the things. You know, you
• 8:19
  Speaker 5: try all the things, right, you try therapy like out
• 8:22
  Speaker 5: a network therapist, which is just like twohn of dollars
• 8:25
  Speaker 5: an hour, and you're like talking in circles and you're
• 8:28
  Speaker 5: trying to do better. But what I found was mostly
• 8:33
  Speaker 5: like what was the change agent? Was like vibe. Changing
• 8:37
  Speaker 5: vibe was really important for me. I mean I understand
• 8:41
  Speaker 5: like when I was a kid, I used to have
• 8:43
  Speaker 5: like up on the wall, my mom would put like,
• 8:45
  Speaker 5: you know, if you clean your room and do the
• 8:47
  Speaker 5: dishes and do your chores, like you get gold stars
• 8:50
  Speaker 5: and that means you'll get your allowance and things like that. Right,
• 8:52
  Speaker 5: So I was like, I mean that's cool, but I'm
• 8:57
  Speaker 5: not twelve anymore, right, So I didn't want to have
• 9:00
  Speaker 5: such a rigid structure to like my behavior. And that's
• 9:06
  Speaker 5: one part. The other part was why, the why factor? Right,
• 9:10
  Speaker 5: So that inflection point came from just I mean at
• 9:16
  Speaker 5: year ten and then the women in their forties, they
• 9:20
  Speaker 5: just want to talk to the manager. They want to
• 9:22
  Speaker 5: talk to the manager. There's so many notes they have, right,
• 9:27
  Speaker 5: I mean, listen manager, I mean like the manager of life, right,
• 9:31
  Speaker 5: like they took a full inventory restock, whether it's career.
• 9:35
  Speaker 5: It's family. It's like dead weight friends. Like they're like,
• 9:40
  Speaker 5: I'm not doing this anymore. Perimenopause and menopause has entered
• 9:44
  Speaker 5: the chat and so they get very serious and like
• 9:47
  Speaker 5: and you and believe me, you are up for review
• 9:50
  Speaker 5: as a man, you were up for review. So that
• 9:52
  Speaker 5: was definitely a part of it. I saw a lot
• 9:54
  Speaker 5: of people in my circles like getting divorced. I had
• 9:58
  Speaker 5: a divorce in our FA that was very close on.
• 10:01
  Speaker 5: I have front row seats to that, and like just
• 10:04
  Speaker 5: learning that the very unsexy ways that and undramatic ways
• 10:10
  Speaker 5: that a marriage can come apart, and seeing that firsthand,
• 10:14
  Speaker 5: I was like, Okay, people can be role models. This
• 10:17
  Speaker 5: person's a role model for me. I'm gonna do the
• 10:19
  Speaker 5: opposite of that, you know. So so it was definitely
• 10:23
  Speaker 5: like it wasn't anything dramatic. It was just like my
• 10:27
  Speaker 5: wife feeling as though she was alone in doing all
• 10:32
  Speaker 5: the things, doing all the things. You know. So, so
• 10:35
  Speaker 5: that was enough. That's yeah, after a while, that can
• 10:38
  Speaker 5: that can be enough? You this It's gonna be like
• 10:40
  Speaker 5: some Tyler Perry level excitement. That's not it.
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: How did go ahead? You get a question?
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: So in a nutshell. So our listeners understand who have
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: not read chor Play, give us a quick like not
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: a whole summary, but like a quick synopsis of what
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: choor Play is about.
• 11:00
  Speaker 5: Okay, chort Play is about all of the money that
• 11:04
  Speaker 5: you are leaving on the table that can like correct
• 11:07
  Speaker 5: a lot of what's going on that might be going
• 11:10
  Speaker 5: south into relationship. So, whether it's like making sure that
• 11:15
  Speaker 5: your side of the room is clean, the dishes are done,
• 11:18
  Speaker 5: whatever it is, these kind of small house items that
• 11:22
  Speaker 5: seem not important after a long period of time and
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: on a long timeline, they are very important and they
• 11:28
  Speaker 5: can mean the unraveling of a relationship. So this is
• 11:32
  Speaker 5: about this book is about taking those things more seriously
• 11:36
  Speaker 5: and then also seeing that they have this kind of
• 11:41
  Speaker 5: unexpected outcome, which was an improved sex life as well.
• 11:45
  Speaker 5: So that's basically what the book is about. And it's
• 11:48
  Speaker 5: about doing the least amount to get the most. Because
• 11:52
  Speaker 5: the bar I'm to put it out here, I don't
• 11:54
  Speaker 5: know if I feel like I'm man explaining this, but
• 11:56
  Speaker 5: the bar for men and straight relationships as in hell.
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: Well it's in hell, and we still trip it over it.
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: We are still tripping over it. Somehow, So just like
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: I feel like I got struck by lightning a little bit,
• 12:10
  Speaker 5: like I shouldn't be married, but I am, you know
• 12:12
  Speaker 5: what I mean, Like I'm still alive, but I am.
• 12:16
  Speaker 5: But we're not gonna talk about that, you know, but
• 12:19
  Speaker 5: I am. And I'm here to report and just thank god,
• 12:21
  Speaker 5: I'm just putting. It's just about putting people on game
• 12:24
  Speaker 5: to things that they might not have like noticed before.
• 12:27
  Speaker 5: And that's it because a lot of it is like
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: what you're socialized to do, you know, and what you're
• 12:34
  Speaker 5: taught to do verbally nonverbally. Like for instance, every Thanksgiving,
• 12:39
  Speaker 5: I love how my family comes together. It's an amazing
• 12:41
  Speaker 5: like Southern Thanksgiving and we our family from New Orleans
• 12:45
  Speaker 5: comes up. By the way, AJM like good food, right,
• 12:52
  Speaker 5: so it's really good. Anyway, Yes, we got I love
• 13:00
  Speaker 5: my New Orleans family. Like for people listening, I don't
• 13:02
  Speaker 5: know why a j randomly it was that before that,
• 13:05
  Speaker 5: I don't anyway, it was before we were rolling. But anyway,
• 13:08
  Speaker 5: the point is after the meal is done. What I
• 13:13
  Speaker 5: saw was like all the teenage girls have to watch
• 13:15
  Speaker 5: the dishes, but the teenage boys then watch the Cowboys game. Right,
• 13:17
  Speaker 5: So it's like it's kind of crazy and like that
• 13:20
  Speaker 5: just happens. And this year, like we were like we
• 13:25
  Speaker 5: kind of we kind of embarrassed boys. We're like, get
• 13:28
  Speaker 5: in here and watch the dishes, and they're like, huh,
• 13:30
  Speaker 5: what dochhes? Never seen one? You know, like acting dumb,
• 13:34
  Speaker 5: you know, And that's just that is kind of what
• 13:38
  Speaker 5: I saw. These patterns forming, and how we're channeling kids
• 13:42
  Speaker 5: to do certain things or what you know, what's expected
• 13:45
  Speaker 5: of them can ultimately just have like a horrible effect,
• 13:49
  Speaker 5: I think, just like it can. It can erode and
• 13:52
  Speaker 5: undercut a relationship because you're you if you expect a
• 13:59
  Speaker 5: woman just to clean up for you while you watch
• 14:01
  Speaker 5: the game, just because I mean you're you're, you're gonna
• 14:05
  Speaker 5: be on thin ice a lot of timeline, you go
• 14:08
  Speaker 5: be on thin ice.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that brings me to a story I remember on Sundays,
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: Football Sundays, which is my boyfriend at the time. That
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: was his day, like I want to watch football all day. Cool,
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: that's fine, you know, I'm gonna watch housewives, you watch football?
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: Cool, whatever.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but he would do this thing where he would
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: when he was finished with his beer, he'd be like
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: bee and then just hold a beer in the air
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: and shake the motherfucker bottle. He wouldn't say, hey, can
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: you give me another beer please? He just hold that
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: bitch in the air.
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: And shake it.
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: Hey, girlfriend, Wow, my son does that.
• 14:41
  Speaker 5: But he's like seven years old. He does it from
• 14:43
  Speaker 5: the back seat the juice box, you know what I'm saying.
• 14:47
  Speaker 5: And we're always like, I'm like, I'm your butler, you know.
• 14:50
  Speaker 5: But I've been like, you need to hold onto that
• 14:52
  Speaker 5: until we get to a trash can you need to
• 14:53
  Speaker 5: hold onto that? Like, I think it's so funny that
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: you say that time. I'm not trying to. I mean,
• 14:59
  Speaker 5: I will only go on speak on myself. Right. So,
• 15:00
  Speaker 5: I'm a Cowboys fan. I don't know why I spend
• 15:03
  Speaker 5: so much time watching the Cowboys just do okay, They're
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: like okay, then they choke and it's like some fan,
• 15:10
  Speaker 5: look some teams. I get it right, if the teams
• 15:14
  Speaker 5: are great, Like if you were a Pats fan during
• 15:16
  Speaker 5: the twenty tens and things like that, yes, you're gonna
• 15:20
  Speaker 5: be glued to the couch the Cowboys fan. What am
• 15:22
  Speaker 5: I doing? What are Jets fans doing? Every Sunday? You
• 15:26
  Speaker 5: should be out in nature. You should be out like
• 15:28
  Speaker 5: a farmer. Whatever it is. Yeah, you should be you know,
• 15:32
  Speaker 5: whatever it is, Go do something, go outside, touch grass,
• 15:35
  Speaker 5: whatever it is, go to the beach whatever, like, yeah, chop,
• 15:39
  Speaker 5: do something, do that project you said you were gonna
• 15:42
  Speaker 5: do around the house. Because the jets don't need you.
• 15:44
  Speaker 5: Believe me, they don't need you to do bad. They
• 15:46
  Speaker 5: can do bad off by themselves. So I wasted all
• 15:50
  Speaker 5: that time watching them. But I will say for the
• 15:53
  Speaker 5: couch thing, I was out of shape too, so the
• 15:56
  Speaker 5: getting up from the couch, because the nicer the couch
• 15:59
  Speaker 5: you have, the more it's you sink into it. And
• 16:03
  Speaker 5: I had to reverse that. I was like when I
• 16:05
  Speaker 5: found out at the gym, like I found out about
• 16:07
  Speaker 5: kipping and hip thrust. I was like, oh okay, so now.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: Hip thrusts coming right, we come through with the good
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: back and hip thrust bush ups too.
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: Because nigga laying on you like this, lay it up,
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: I guess you.
• 16:25
  Speaker 4: I literally asked people for pictures of a forearm.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: Okay, let me, I'm looking for a particular thing.
• 16:31
  Speaker 5: Wow, amazing. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna add to
• 16:38
  Speaker 5: that joke, but I feel I got you. I got you. Well,
• 16:42
  Speaker 5: let me just say that. That's something I work on
• 16:44
  Speaker 5: a lot. We work on our plank pose. So it's like,
• 16:48
  Speaker 5: so I feel like what I'm saying is like getting
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: up from the couch. Yes, so many ways. This is
• 16:53
  Speaker 5: Swiss army knife, so so many ways, like getting up
• 16:56
  Speaker 5: from the couch. If you don't want to get up right,
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: if you can't get up physically every time you're down
• 17:01
  Speaker 5: like that, if you can't get up quickly, then when
• 17:03
  Speaker 5: you're asked to get up, what happens attitude, right, like
• 17:08
  Speaker 5: coming up with different reasons why you shouldn't do the thing.
• 17:11
  Speaker 5: So like that I didn't even you know, I like
• 17:13
  Speaker 5: stumbled on all this. So I found out that like
• 17:16
  Speaker 5: having a fit body meant that like I could get
• 17:18
  Speaker 5: up and I could do the things that my wife
• 17:20
  Speaker 5: needed me to do, right if she asked me to
• 17:22
  Speaker 5: do this, that and the third no problem, no friction,
• 17:24
  Speaker 5: no problem, because then I could quickly pop back on
• 17:26
  Speaker 5: the couch and do whatever. And yeah, I just I
• 17:30
  Speaker 5: feel like in that case with your man, I'm so
• 17:33
  Speaker 5: sorry about that. That's the.
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: Talk about the asking part, because I have to ask
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: you to be an adult, right, And I kind of
• 17:46
  Speaker 4: liking this to like yeah, couples having babies probably out
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: of wedlock, right, and mama automatically knows to be a mama, right,
• 17:53
  Speaker 4: it's just natural her natural. But then the young man
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: might feel like, you know, he's being mothered by her
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: because she has to tell him with me, because he
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: does not innately know what to do. I think most
• 18:05
  Speaker 4: men at some point probably live on their own. What
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: were you doing in your own house to where you
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: think that now you could habitate when a woman you
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: don't have to clean up at all?
• 18:17
  Speaker 5: I think you know that's where like money and capitalism
• 18:20
  Speaker 5: gets in the way, right, So like I was making
• 18:24
  Speaker 5: I make still make good money, and it's like and
• 18:28
  Speaker 5: I was thinking that like that would absolve me of
• 18:32
  Speaker 5: my responsibilities because I had seen that with my dad.
• 18:35
  Speaker 5: My dad's a very successful doctor, and my dad was
• 18:39
  Speaker 5: actually like at a time in Texas was also like
• 18:43
  Speaker 5: at least the four word chapter was was heading up
• 18:46
  Speaker 5: like planned parenthood, planned parenthood and fortward. But when he
• 18:51
  Speaker 5: and he's a obg wan. But when he got home,
• 18:54
  Speaker 5: like he cared for women all day long? Do you understand?
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: So I can hear your mama mout right now?
• 19:02
  Speaker 5: Boy, when he got home that was it no more? Yeah, yeah,
• 19:09
  Speaker 5: that was one too many women. So he like so
• 19:11
  Speaker 5: he'd be home like in his bvds, you know, watch
• 19:15
  Speaker 5: in ESPN, got a steak on his belly, just eating,
• 19:18
  Speaker 5: got the beer like whatever, like that was that was him.
• 19:22
  Speaker 5: So I was like, Okay, no one's explaining this or
• 19:26
  Speaker 5: saying this to me. You're just seeing it, right. So
• 19:29
  Speaker 5: I'm like, this is a guy that is well regarded
• 19:31
  Speaker 5: in the community, at church, in his family. This is
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: what I want. This is the prototype. I just need
• 19:37
  Speaker 5: to emulate this. So that's what I did with comedy.
• 19:40
  Speaker 5: I emulated that. And then it was like thinking, Okay,
• 19:43
  Speaker 5: so if I make money and handle all bills and
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: like make everything, I'll right pay for everything. Then I
• 19:49
  Speaker 5: don't have to do anything right. And so that was
• 19:52
  Speaker 5: my mindset, and that's why I feel like it got
• 19:57
  Speaker 5: to a point like when we first started dating each other,
• 20:00
  Speaker 5: wasn't like I wasn't looking to her looking for her
• 20:03
  Speaker 5: to do like like domestic stuff, or I wasn't looking
• 20:07
  Speaker 5: for her to mother me in anyway. But that's this
• 20:10
  Speaker 5: part of me that like kicks in, Like I had
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: to get over that, the need to make women mother me,
• 20:16
  Speaker 5: you know, like which is which is crazy? So once you,
• 20:21
  Speaker 5: I mean, cut that that umbilical cord like for real,
• 20:25
  Speaker 5: for real, and stop like keeping things clean around the
• 20:30
  Speaker 5: house so mommy doesn't get mad at you, right or
• 20:35
  Speaker 5: or whatever it is, and have your own standard.
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: Cleaning for yourself, like yeah, your own standard.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: Like I just don't understand, like why a man wouldn't
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: have Some men do like my dad. And I look
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: for men like my dad because my dad is a
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: very clean man, right, so I know it's possible. So
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: when I run across somebody who thinks like and everybody
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: has a different level of planes, right, there's a base level,
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: and then some people like you in the breakfast club
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: and how Charlamagne said that women clean the bathroom better.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: So a man has told me that living in the
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: house with me, like he let his he let his
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: bathroom get so deplorable because I no longer would share
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: bathrooms with him, and he let it get so bad.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: And then he asked me if I could clean it
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: for him.
• 21:17
  Speaker 5: Yes, no, yes, I mean you can outsource.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you could bring another bitch in here and literal
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: clean your nasty bathroom. Or I might put that bathroom
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: on Facebook or Instagram so people can see how you living.
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: Yes, but I think that's a lot of men. Though,
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: that's a lot of men.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: I remember used to have like, yeah, he on the
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: floor around the toilet sometimes slid.
• 21:41
  Speaker 5: What was this the same guy?
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, same guy, same guy, And they used to have
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: like this is gonna get gross. Used to have ship
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: in the toilet and then like cubes on it so
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: it looked like a Teddy Bear.
• 21:55
  Speaker 5: Yeap, gross. What he didn't have the brush, He didn't
• 22:02
  Speaker 5: have the toilet brush.
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: He did, but he just didn't didn't use it, use
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: it or flushed.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: So I do blame the moms.
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: And I'm and if my sister's good. My nephew just
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: went to college, and I'm so concerned about him having
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: a roommate, knowing how he was raised to not have
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: to do anything right. I'm concerned about him now having
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: to cohabitate and like.
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: Not being the cleanest right. And you're uh, and he
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: plays football.
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: And now people on your team talking about you.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: I'm so concerned about that because I watched them not
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: have to do a new thing.
• 22:39
  Speaker 5: I remember once I.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: Made him take the trash out and he was like,
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: you know, because he said that the professional millionaire he plays,
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: he's planning to go to the NFL.
• 22:46
  Speaker 5: Right, Oh wow amazing.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: He was like, Yeah, when.
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: I get older, I'm only going to give people money
• 22:51
  Speaker 4: who was nice to me or some ship like that,
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: because I asked him to take the trash out. So
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: now you're you are raising a man that is really
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: going to want.
• 22:59
  Speaker 5: Absolutely a few years like it's gonna go sour. Right. So,
• 23:04
  Speaker 5: because what I found, and I'm not an expert by
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: any means, but I've found that like romantic love can
• 23:09
  Speaker 5: get a marriage to like ten years, right, but past
• 23:12
  Speaker 5: that you could still have so much love for the person.
• 23:14
  Speaker 5: But if they are a mess, they are a mess,
• 23:16
  Speaker 5: right And and yes, for me, it was like this,
• 23:20
  Speaker 5: Like when I was nineteen, I had a really bad
• 23:21
  Speaker 5: fall out with my mom and it was about independence.
• 23:23
  Speaker 5: It was actually about independence. I wanted to move to
• 23:25
  Speaker 5: the big bad city, New York City, and I wanted
• 23:28
  Speaker 5: to like intern for deaf Champ and she wouldn't let
• 23:30
  Speaker 5: me do it, so I did it. Anyway. We had
• 23:32
  Speaker 5: a huge falling up, but it actually kind of in
• 23:34
  Speaker 5: a way was helpful because I had to become independent
• 23:37
  Speaker 5: because there was no Mom wasn't gonna send me a
• 23:39
  Speaker 5: care package. She wasn't gonna check up on me. I
• 23:41
  Speaker 5: had to get my own apartment, I had to do
• 23:42
  Speaker 5: my own laundry. I had to do all these things.
• 23:44
  Speaker 5: So it just really kicked me in the butt. But like,
• 23:47
  Speaker 5: can women clean better than men? Maybe? But they've been
• 23:50
  Speaker 5: left to do it, you know what I'm saying, Like
• 23:52
  Speaker 5: men have taken all the other jobs. I was like, yes,
• 23:54
  Speaker 5: I guess so. So it's like that's that's what they're
• 23:56
  Speaker 5: able to do because men have taken everything else.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: Right, So I mean, you don't believe in any gender
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: roles because I don't want to cut no grass and
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: and I don't want to wash no car. I don't
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: want to put no gas and do all that shit.
• 24:12
  Speaker 5: I believe, listen, I believe in doing I do. I
• 24:16
  Speaker 5: don't do that much, right, but it seems like a lot.
• 24:19
  Speaker 5: Of course. I handle the car like I write in
• 24:21
  Speaker 5: the book that I handle all things about the car, uh,
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: cleaning the car, like taking it in for whatever maintenance
• 24:26
  Speaker 5: that's due, whatever this that, and the third Fortunately, I
• 24:29
  Speaker 5: live in a city. I live in a townhouse. There
• 24:31
  Speaker 5: is no backyard really to speak of. So it's like
• 24:34
  Speaker 5: you don't have to really take care of that much.
• 24:36
  Speaker 5: I do the gardening in the summertime, just like the
• 24:38
  Speaker 5: trimming and things like that, but like when it comes
• 24:40
  Speaker 5: to but that's like for a season or two, right,
• 24:44
  Speaker 5: so summer spring, that's all you gotta do. Think about
• 24:47
  Speaker 5: the daily grind though, of like laundry, food, all this, this,
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: this that and the other, like my wife needs help
• 24:54
  Speaker 5: and those kind of things. I think people are falling
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: short on. I know I was falling short on. So
• 24:59
  Speaker 5: it's like that's where I'm I'm picking it up and
• 25:01
  Speaker 5: I kind of gamify it now, like I I if
• 25:04
  Speaker 5: I see something on the stairs, pick that the hell up,
• 25:07
  Speaker 5: get it downstairs. It will take no walk, don't walk
• 25:10
  Speaker 5: past it. But there. As I describe in the book,
• 25:13
  Speaker 5: there is something called U s A. This is is
• 25:16
  Speaker 5: unconscious uh selective attention. This is a real thing right
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: where it's like you can see like if you close
• 25:22
  Speaker 5: one eye, you can see your nose, and if you
• 25:24
  Speaker 5: close the other eye, you can see your nose. But
• 25:26
  Speaker 5: if you open both eyes, you can't see your nose.
• 25:28
  Speaker 5: That is because the brain just ignores the nose.
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: See all day I see that.
• 25:40
  Speaker 5: Yes, you're the first person I've ever met. You have
• 25:46
  Speaker 5: a very nice nose, like very nice. Everybody got nice noses.
• 25:50
  Speaker 5: I don't have a my nose like a bo Cosmi nose.
• 25:52
  Speaker 5: But like, but I will say this, like, but your
• 25:56
  Speaker 5: brain ignores things. So it's like what are you socialized
• 26:01
  Speaker 5: to ignore or ignore? Right? As men, we are socialized
• 26:04
  Speaker 5: to ignore stuff on the floor, the legos, that this,
• 26:06
  Speaker 5: that like, the piles of clothes, the everything around us. Right,
• 26:11
  Speaker 5: our brain is telling us to do this when.
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: It comes to the table. So I know what you're
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: talking about.
• 26:19
  Speaker 5: It wasn't even there, like whatever, what are you talking about?
• 26:24
  Speaker 5: So there are things we got it like, so if
• 26:27
  Speaker 5: I know that, then I know that there are things
• 26:29
  Speaker 5: that I can unlearn, right, and I can unlearn like
• 26:32
  Speaker 5: just pick it up, like if if if like there's laundry,
• 26:36
  Speaker 5: there's and the and the washing machine is done, just
• 26:39
  Speaker 5: put it in the dryer. Just do it, bro. And
• 26:42
  Speaker 5: it's it's like all about getting into active mode, right
• 26:45
  Speaker 5: instead of ready mode. You got to get into active mode.
• 26:48
  Speaker 5: And I feel like a lot of guys are in
• 26:50
  Speaker 5: ready mode, Like we're always like like we work out.
• 26:53
  Speaker 5: So it's like I wish, I wish someone would try
• 26:55
  Speaker 5: me right, Like, so I can live this John Wick
• 26:58
  Speaker 5: fantasy out right. But like but like where we have
• 27:02
  Speaker 5: to just like stop with the readiness, stop with the preparedness,
• 27:06
  Speaker 5: and just activate, like and I don't think it really
• 27:09
  Speaker 5: takes that much. It just takes doing small things and
• 27:11
  Speaker 5: then like eventually, gradually you will be more active. And
• 27:17
  Speaker 5: and a part of that also is just like you
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: have to not look for outside validation, not wait for
• 27:24
  Speaker 5: your girl or anybody to like pat you on the
• 27:26
  Speaker 5: back for it, but just pat yourself on the back
• 27:28
  Speaker 5: for it. You know, That's what it is.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what is that though?
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: What is that wanting like to have this admiration you know,
• 27:37
  Speaker 4: from another person simply because you you know, you wash
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: the dishes today, Like, hey baby, I noticed you wash
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: the dishes today.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: You want your dick suckt? Why do we have to
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: want like they just want big rewards?
• 27:55
  Speaker 5: But like so have you you know, I'm dying right now.
• 27:59
  Speaker 5: I'm dying right now.
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: She said, your top taar man is just an average woman,
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: and I like that. Men think they really do. It's
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: like basically, and then when you add differently.
• 28:16
  Speaker 4: My ex said, I would build Rico cases, and I'm
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: a Gemini. I'm not a nag, right, because I feel
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: like if I ask you to do something, if you
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: ask me as my partner to do something, you only
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: have to ask me one time, and I'm going to acquiesce,
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: you know what if it's basile mm hmm. But sometimes
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: with men like you have to keep asking them something
• 28:34
  Speaker 4: like a child, and then now they're acting as if
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: you're nagging them.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: Yes, right, so I'm not a nag.
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: I asked you one time, and then I added to
• 28:42
  Speaker 4: the rico, right.
• 28:46
  Speaker 5: You yeah, okay, okay.
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: You a sticky note on that, nigga. Okay, that's what
• 28:52
  Speaker 4: I'm putting.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: A sticky note on this, a sticky note on that,
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: and tell me, even when I'm not doing it, I'm trying.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: I'm like, what is that a stept from your son?
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: If your son would to say, well, no, I didn't
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: do it. But even when I'm not doing it, I'm
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: trying to do it.
• 29:07
  Speaker 5: I think it's I think what we need. I think
• 29:11
  Speaker 5: man man, shit man, math man. Truly, truly, truly. I
• 29:16
  Speaker 5: think it's just like you can rationalize anything. You can
• 29:18
  Speaker 5: rationalize anything, but it's like integrity is everything, right, It's
• 29:22
  Speaker 5: just like you know, integrity, doing what you're supposed to
• 29:25
  Speaker 5: do when nobody is watching you, right, So, like if
• 29:28
  Speaker 5: you know that she said to do whatever chore it
• 29:32
  Speaker 5: was she asked you to do, you heard it, you
• 29:35
  Speaker 5: know it. If it's a second time thing where she's
• 29:38
  Speaker 5: like reminding you, like just say I'm sorry, yeah, I'll
• 29:41
  Speaker 5: get to that and do the thing. I think that
• 29:45
  Speaker 5: it was for me learning and I'm still learning. I'm
• 29:50
  Speaker 5: still learning. There are things that I still need to do,
• 29:52
  Speaker 5: but I create the list for myself. Now, you know,
• 29:55
  Speaker 5: it's not about her having to amass the list of
• 29:59
  Speaker 5: things that need to be done around the house, Like
• 30:01
  Speaker 5: what about me? What do I see that needs to
• 30:04
  Speaker 5: be done? Right? That's the executive function part that I
• 30:07
  Speaker 5: talk about in the book that like it's a lot
• 30:11
  Speaker 5: of executive function goes like hidden and and like women
• 30:15
  Speaker 5: don't always talk about it because they just shoulder it,
• 30:19
  Speaker 5: right And and guys, if we even had half of
• 30:23
  Speaker 5: that load would probably buckle under the pressure. Right. So
• 30:26
  Speaker 5: it's it's I think that's a big part of it.
• 30:29
  Speaker 5: As far as like needing that kind of like affirmation
• 30:33
  Speaker 5: and approval, that's a very American thing, Like we all
• 30:37
  Speaker 5: love a pat on the back. We love a like
• 30:38
  Speaker 5: you're doing great? You know, Like I don't know about y'all,
• 30:41
  Speaker 5: but I like I go to like workout classes, and
• 30:45
  Speaker 5: if the instructor doesn't say that I'm doing great, then
• 30:49
  Speaker 5: like today am I dying? Like am I out of shape?
• 30:57
  Speaker 5: Like what's good? Like you know, like we need gold stars.
• 31:01
  Speaker 5: We're raised with gold stars. We need gold stars. But
• 31:04
  Speaker 5: you could give yourself a gold star, like come on,
• 31:07
  Speaker 5: you could do it. There's also IG you could post.
• 31:10
  Speaker 5: You could be that guy, like you could post it
• 31:12
  Speaker 5: on IG, like look at the way I loaded the
• 31:14
  Speaker 5: dishes today, and you could become famous that way. Unfortunately,
• 31:18
  Speaker 5: and then you you know what I'm saying then like whoever,
• 31:22
  Speaker 5: Paul Maliv will like back you and like sponsor you,
• 31:27
  Speaker 5: you know for real. So I think that, you know,
• 31:31
  Speaker 5: just trying to get that kind of validation is the
• 31:33
  Speaker 5: same validation that we wanted for our parents. It just
• 31:35
  Speaker 5: it just goes on and on. And like the people
• 31:38
  Speaker 5: that really I think get the most in life out
• 31:42
  Speaker 5: of life are people that are very good at like
• 31:45
  Speaker 5: validating themselves, right and just like very self possessed and
• 31:49
  Speaker 5: self contained. I think I just I strive for that daily.
• 31:55
  Speaker 5: But it's not it's not easy out here. You know,
• 31:57
  Speaker 5: it's not easy, but like it's it's it's it's something
• 32:00
  Speaker 5: that it's a discipline that I work on all the time.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: So it is helping, like a red flag word because
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: I noticed, like I remember being on the phone with
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: a guy and he was like, yeah, I can't go
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: out to night.
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: I got a babysit my kids.
• 32:20
  Speaker 5: Tim. I'm so I'm so worried about North Carolina.
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: That's your kids, don't I'm.
• 32:30
  Speaker 5: So worried about the dating pool in North Carolina. Help
• 32:33
  Speaker 5: first and foremost.
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, helping me, you help? This is your house too.
• 32:38
  Speaker 5: Babysit babysitting his own children. I've heard that one before,
• 32:42
  Speaker 5: and it's I've said it and and that was like
• 32:46
  Speaker 5: when I heard myself say it, that was terrifying to me,
• 32:49
  Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying, So like, yes, that is
• 32:51
  Speaker 5: a person that is not fully or they're showing that
• 32:55
  Speaker 5: maybe they're not the most fully vested in having the kids.
• 32:58
  Speaker 5: Maybe you know, like like you have to be like
• 33:01
  Speaker 5: the more you put into it, the more you invest
• 33:03
  Speaker 5: in them, the better and more chill your your life
• 33:08
  Speaker 5: will because if you're trying to if you ride, like
• 33:10
  Speaker 5: we say down South, you're trying to ride two horses
• 33:12
  Speaker 5: one ass. If you're trying to be like mister single
• 33:14
  Speaker 5: guy and have kids at the same time, No, because
• 33:17
  Speaker 5: people it'll be like dead giveaway. People will see right
• 33:20
  Speaker 5: through it. You'll kind of try to present somebody that
• 33:23
  Speaker 5: you're not, and you have to accept where you are
• 33:26
  Speaker 5: in life. Like that was a big part of it
• 33:28
  Speaker 5: for me. I wasn't accepting that I was like a dad,
• 33:32
  Speaker 5: like all this stuff, you know, because like kids can
• 33:34
  Speaker 5: ruin everything. They can ruin it all. Like I was
• 33:37
  Speaker 5: looking for my chargers today from my computer. My kid
• 33:40
  Speaker 5: had used it with some g I Joe's and who's
• 33:43
  Speaker 5: putting together some kind of zip line thing about charger
• 33:48
  Speaker 5: And I told you not to touch it right now.
• 33:50
  Speaker 5: I gotta kill him, you know what I'm saying, Like
• 33:52
  Speaker 5: all these things so but but like but this is
• 33:56
  Speaker 5: what they do. They upset everything. But that's okay because
• 33:59
  Speaker 5: they bring you way. So the more you like accept
• 34:02
  Speaker 5: where you're at except what's going on, I think the better.
• 34:07
  Speaker 5: That's that's what made it better for me, accepting that
• 34:10
  Speaker 5: I would like, I'm a dad with kids and responsibilities
• 34:13
  Speaker 5: and I need to own up and act like it.
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: So I have a question to you, you feel like
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: this applies? So I have a friend. She doesn't work,
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: she doesn't have to work, and she has been.
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: Afforded a lot of the luxuries of life, but her
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: responsibility are the kids, the chores in the house, and
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: sometimes she gets fed up with having to do it
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: all by herself. And he's like, well, I bring home
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: the bread, you bake it.
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: You know, that's your job. Do you feel like this
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: applies to someone who.
• 34:46
  Speaker 5: Had everybody applies to everybody?
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: You break all okay, you're bringing home all the bacon.
• 34:55
  Speaker 4: I would use your bacon and outsource some of these
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: tasks because regardless of what like a housewife they they say,
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: she works ninety hours a week, so that's two full.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: Time jobs essentially.
• 35:06
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: Right, And I even my mom, I tell her use
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: his money, just get somebody to pay and come clean
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: the bathroom if you don't want to do it.
• 35:14
  Speaker 4: Like I feel like men valued their pockets.
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: So if he starts.
• 35:17
  Speaker 4: Seeing his bottom line like some of that money is
• 35:19
  Speaker 4: going to house cleaning and fucking a nanny, he might
• 35:24
  Speaker 4: want to help it.
• 35:25
  Speaker 5: Help out, you know, men, I mean listen, men don't
• 35:28
  Speaker 5: do anything as long as their money involved, right, Like
• 35:30
  Speaker 5: apparently men like I write in a book, like men
• 35:33
  Speaker 5: can't cook, right, But like the best chefs in the
• 35:35
  Speaker 5: world are like our men. Right, Like you got like uh,
• 35:40
  Speaker 5: Andrew Chang, You've got like you know, Anthony Bourdain got
• 35:44
  Speaker 5: Rest of Soul, like all these people, these Bobby Flay, right,
• 35:47
  Speaker 5: all these people, these men like broadcasts that they're great
• 35:52
  Speaker 5: at cooking, but then when they're home with their kids
• 35:55
  Speaker 5: are like, what's an egg? You know, like they don't
• 35:58
  Speaker 5: they know, right, what's the pay? I feel like I
• 36:03
  Speaker 5: feel it's like like this, even if your friend who
• 36:05
  Speaker 5: has that amazing that's a great problem to have. I
• 36:07
  Speaker 5: would love to switch aheads with her. That's an amazing life.
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: When you say that, that is a trigger for her
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: for real, You're like, you don't understand.
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: You say you want to switch, but you wouldn't want
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: to switch a chance right now, I'll switch with you.
• 36:23
  Speaker 5: She probably has a big I'm guessing big big house,
• 36:27
  Speaker 5: a lot of things, a lot of material things like
• 36:30
  Speaker 5: those are responsibilities unto themselves. So when you think about it, yes,
• 36:33
  Speaker 5: that's a lot of executive function, right, So she has
• 36:35
  Speaker 5: to keep track of that. And even if she gets
• 36:37
  Speaker 5: like a house manager to quote unquote like you know,
• 36:41
  Speaker 5: defray the load right there, Like then she she's in
• 36:44
  Speaker 5: charge of that house manager, right, so she has to
• 36:47
  Speaker 5: tell them what to do. And my man, I'm sure
• 36:50
  Speaker 5: he has pressures. He's trying to make generational wealth and
• 36:52
  Speaker 5: all this kind of stuff. But when he gets home,
• 36:55
  Speaker 5: he's done. He's got one shift, she's got two, right,
• 36:57
  Speaker 5: So that's it's a lot, it's a lot to do with.
• 37:00
  Speaker 5: I'm just saying this. I'm not saying that you have
• 37:03
  Speaker 5: to do fifty to fifty. I'm just saying do something
• 37:07
  Speaker 5: like this is like there has to be like the
• 37:10
  Speaker 5: middle point between nothing and something, right, Like you have
• 37:14
  Speaker 5: to do something. Do something if even if it's taking
• 37:18
  Speaker 5: out the trash, Like even if it's like like just
• 37:21
  Speaker 5: remembering the nights that the trash was come, or remembering
• 37:25
  Speaker 5: your children's schedule, even if it's just remembering your kids teachers' names, right,
• 37:30
  Speaker 5: or their shoe sizes, that takes nothing. That is nothing.
• 37:34
  Speaker 5: That's just to walk to their room check okay, uk,
• 37:37
  Speaker 5: it's always a little bigger with the shoe size and
• 37:39
  Speaker 5: American size, right, So that's all it takes. But like
• 37:43
  Speaker 5: even that is, I feel like people are dragging, Like
• 37:47
  Speaker 5: like I've had so many comments where people are like, man,
• 37:49
  Speaker 5: this guy sounds like a woozy heel woman. You know,
• 37:52
  Speaker 5: Like like I'm like, dude, I'm not asking you to
• 37:54
  Speaker 5: do anything, but maybe like five minutes work right, five
• 37:58
  Speaker 5: minutes work here and there and that I think.
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: It would make a dramatic difference.
• 38:03
  Speaker 5: It'll make a dramatic difference. But a lot of men
• 38:06
  Speaker 5: don't take in a lot of information like this, or
• 38:08
  Speaker 5: just people in general don't take in new ideas because
• 38:13
  Speaker 5: they think it's like a threat to the established order
• 38:16
  Speaker 5: of things, you know what I'm saying. So I'd say
• 38:19
  Speaker 5: to your friend just like I hear her. But what
• 38:25
  Speaker 5: I suggest to women at that point is like take
• 38:28
  Speaker 5: time for yourself. If your man's not going to do anything,
• 38:31
  Speaker 5: say you're going out with your girls on Thursday, Friday
• 38:33
  Speaker 5: or whatever it is, maybe Thursday, which is little Friday.
• 38:35
  Speaker 5: I like little Friday. So go out have some fun.
• 38:39
  Speaker 5: Let him do. He'll survive, you know what I mean,
• 38:42
  Speaker 5: Like he'll be Okay, have some fun for yourself, make
• 38:46
  Speaker 5: some time for yourself. I had to do that for
• 38:48
  Speaker 5: myself too, like because I felt that there were so
• 38:52
  Speaker 5: many like resentments built up and whatever I was doing.
• 38:55
  Speaker 5: So if I was asked to do something, I'd be like, yeah,
• 38:57
  Speaker 5: i'll do it. I'll do with an attitude, but I'm
• 38:59
  Speaker 5: still doing it. What's the fucking problem? Right, I'll be that.
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: But just this friend is the test.
• 39:10
  Speaker 4: Friend would be like the exception. Right, most women are
• 39:13
  Speaker 4: working along with their partners. Yes, and also if they
• 39:17
  Speaker 4: have kids, they are responsible for the children and they're
• 39:19
  Speaker 4: responsible for the household. So it's like the bills all
• 39:22
  Speaker 4: at everything, nothing's fifty to fifty. You see what I'm saying.
• 39:26
  Speaker 4: So men they online talking about.
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: Fifty to fifty, fifty fifty that mostly y'all don't have
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: y'all have anyway, Okay, we'd be very clear.
• 39:34
  Speaker 5: They don't to any man out there listening, right, and
• 39:39
  Speaker 5: to any man out there listening, like just remember, there's
• 39:41
  Speaker 5: always guys doing worse than you. There's always guys doing
• 39:44
  Speaker 5: worse than you. And like like I was at my
• 39:47
  Speaker 5: kid's school and I asked.
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: The excuse, no, no, no, no, no, worst to me shit
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: I'm doing.
• 39:53
  Speaker 5: I think it's the reason to do right there, you
• 39:58
  Speaker 5: have to pat then on the back or they won't
• 39:59
  Speaker 5: do it. I'm telling you have to give them a
• 40:01
  Speaker 5: little patter in the back, a little even for this. Yeah,
• 40:03
  Speaker 5: google an a boy, right, So like this dad, That's
• 40:06
  Speaker 5: how I knew I wasn't so bad because the guy
• 40:08
  Speaker 5: was like I was, like, I was bad, but not
• 40:10
  Speaker 5: that bad. Like I was like, I asked him about
• 40:12
  Speaker 5: his other kid that didn't go to this like to
• 40:15
  Speaker 5: our kids school, and he's like, oh, yeah, he goes
• 40:17
  Speaker 5: to He couldn't remember the name of his child's school.
• 40:21
  Speaker 5: Let's just put it that way. Okay, how can you
• 40:23
  Speaker 5: not know the name of what if something goes sideways
• 40:25
  Speaker 5: in school? You don't on the.
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: News and it's in school shooting, you don't even realize
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: it's your fucking kids school.
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: Right, Chill, that's crazy.
• 40:36
  Speaker 5: I mean, I'm just here to tell you, you know,
• 40:39
  Speaker 5: right right, It's like it's like that that kind of
• 40:42
  Speaker 5: like out to lunch mentality has to stop.
• 40:45
  Speaker 4: Yeah, because men think it's like, you know, we talk
• 40:48
  Speaker 4: about this on the show a lot, like men saying
• 40:49
  Speaker 4: that they're simple. That's not a compliment to yourself, right,
• 40:52
  Speaker 4: you know, and they say women are more complex because
• 40:54
  Speaker 4: we do think things on a different layered right, But
• 40:58
  Speaker 4: why do you want to be simple? That's a simple
• 41:00
  Speaker 4: ton as far as I'm going.
• 41:02
  Speaker 5: Because it's easier to be simple. It's easier to be simple, right,
• 41:06
  Speaker 5: or so we think. But actually, in the long run
• 41:08
  Speaker 5: it will cost you so like, for instance, just knowing
• 41:11
  Speaker 5: and understanding like what you know, if it's like your
• 41:16
  Speaker 5: kid's schedule, your wife's schedule, whatever it is, and understanding
• 41:19
  Speaker 5: the household task and the schedule itself will will make
• 41:26
  Speaker 5: your life so much easier because you'll know what the
• 41:28
  Speaker 5: game plan is and you won't have to ask a
• 41:30
  Speaker 5: million questions, you'll already know. I think that that's just
• 41:35
  Speaker 5: really important. In fact, my wife is always sending me
• 41:38
  Speaker 5: articles about like about no good Man and stuff, but like,
• 41:43
  Speaker 5: but this is, but this one I found really interesting
• 41:46
  Speaker 5: that she sent me. She's great, she's like a PhD.
• 41:50
  Speaker 5: So she's a very smart lady. All right, five psychology.
• 41:53
  Speaker 5: Five early signs your marriage is heading for divorce. And
• 41:56
  Speaker 5: number five was like, she just said, she said this
• 42:01
  Speaker 5: to me yesterday. But she's like, she's kind of like
• 42:05
  Speaker 5: she likes that the book can like, she likes the books.
• 42:07
  Speaker 5: She likes the response, and she likes what I'm doing.
• 42:10
  Speaker 5: So she's trying to support me in that. You try
• 42:12
  Speaker 5: to say, I see what she said. It's say into
• 42:14
  Speaker 5: the rocks, you see how quick? I'm like, why don't
• 42:16
  Speaker 5: you just tell you something? Okay, it's just things she's
• 42:19
  Speaker 5: trying to support me, all right, all right? This is
• 42:21
  Speaker 5: poor division of labor number five. And it was just
• 42:24
  Speaker 5: said like like one out of four marriages end in
• 42:27
  Speaker 5: divorce because of a poor division of labor. One out
• 42:30
  Speaker 5: of four. That's a lot. That's a lot, okay. And
• 42:34
  Speaker 5: it's just it's so simple to solve, you know. And yeah,
• 42:38
  Speaker 5: I mean, I just don't think that men need that
• 42:44
  Speaker 5: pat in the back for doing dishes and things like that.
• 42:46
  Speaker 5: I think you should eventually get a pat on the
• 42:49
  Speaker 5: back for changing your ways. But I don't think like
• 42:53
  Speaker 5: every little thing you do, like you're six years old,
• 42:56
  Speaker 5: you need gold stars for right, Yeah, it'll come later.
• 43:00
  Speaker 4: Crazy, But I have a man now who will We
• 43:02
  Speaker 4: don't live together though, right so I don't know how
• 43:04
  Speaker 4: it would be cohabitating, But when he's here, like he
• 43:07
  Speaker 4: helps he if I'm cooking, he's washing dishes, like so great.
• 43:10
  Speaker 4: I wrote it down though, what I wanted in my
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: little manifestation for the next man. All right, so there's
• 43:16
  Speaker 4: a lot of shit that he does that's on my list,
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: you know.
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: You know I wrote you don't know what you.
• 43:22
  Speaker 4: Need until you experienced the thing, and you're not getting it.
• 43:25
  Speaker 4: When I was in this two bedroom apartment with this man,
• 43:28
  Speaker 4: and I'm like, what if we bought a house, Like
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna be responsible for even bigger space because he's
• 43:33
  Speaker 4: not doing shit like you're doing a bare minimum in here,
• 43:36
  Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying. He'll wash dishes, but like
• 43:41
  Speaker 4: even just calling maintenance and stuff like that, like I
• 43:43
  Speaker 4: had to helping you fix your fucking car.
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: Well, yes, because I'm I am super dupid, like mechanically medical.
• 43:51
  Speaker 5: Okay, so I.
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: Want somebody who also matches that, right, Right, we don't
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: always have to pay somebody to do some shit if
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: we can look at YouTube and figure it out. Right,
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: he just wasn't using his screen, you know what I'm
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: saying is and then he would have his friends calling
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: me to help them solve their problems. I'm like, no,
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: you outsourcing your girl that you already annoying the shit
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: out of to help somebody else man figure some shit out,
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: Like what is that like, I don't want to be
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: the problem solver in my relationship. And if men want to,
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: you have you have to you have to show up
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: in that leadership.
• 44:25
  Speaker 5: AJ and Tam let me just say thank you for
• 44:27
  Speaker 5: your service. Both of y'all have described some men that
• 44:31
  Speaker 5: are just out my God for the next one. Oh no, he's.
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: Gonna be for me. I don't mind giving somebody a
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: furbish man like girl. He is he works. Oh no,
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: here going to remember what I really feel like.
• 44:46
  Speaker 4: Men only learn through consequence, right, Yes, So it's going
• 44:49
  Speaker 4: to be like he's gonna tally these things up. He's
• 44:52
  Speaker 4: going to do his own inventory and realize what didn't
• 44:54
  Speaker 4: work here. Yeah, and he'll probably do better in the
• 44:57
  Speaker 4: next relationship.
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: Maybe we're not the one who don't have no boundaries.
• 45:01
  Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly. Maybe maybe not that please please.
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: The craziest argument, no argument you got in over chores.
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: The craziest one over like a chore.
• 45:12
  Speaker 5: Oh okay. The craziest argument I think we got in
• 45:18
  Speaker 5: over chores was probably just it has to do with laundry,
• 45:22
  Speaker 5: Like because I had a pile of clothes and I
• 45:26
  Speaker 5: liked my pile. I had, like my mountain. You know
• 45:28
  Speaker 5: what I mean asked me if it was dirty. No,
• 45:34
  Speaker 5: it wasn't dirty. It was like maybe ish ish I had.
• 45:41
  Speaker 5: I had like actually I had like multiple piles, right,
• 45:43
  Speaker 5: so you had like you had the clean pile and
• 45:46
  Speaker 5: you had the like ish pile, and you had the
• 45:48
  Speaker 5: filthy pile. Right. So it was like it was like, oh,
• 45:52
  Speaker 5: that was the scratch and sniff. I have my own yeah, yeah,
• 46:01
  Speaker 5: but I have my own order, you know. Like I
• 46:04
  Speaker 5: was like everything ends up on the ground eventually, right,
• 46:06
  Speaker 5: Like physics tells us that everything falls apart, Everything ends
• 46:10
  Speaker 5: up in the ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Why
• 46:14
  Speaker 5: are we out here, Like I'm trying to like hit
• 46:16
  Speaker 5: her with philosophy and reverse psychology and jokes.
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: She started doing exactly that. What if she just stopped
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: What if she had stopped.
• 46:28
  Speaker 4: Washing clothes just as nasty and her like nasty nasty.
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: That's clean dishes that it might be clean dishes and
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: those dishes dirty over there.
• 46:41
  Speaker 5: You'd be crashing out. The kids would be like, we
• 46:43
  Speaker 5: need to take mommy in for reservicing something like that.
• 46:46
  Speaker 5: Something we ain't gonna make it. We ain't gonna make it,
• 46:50
  Speaker 5: called grandma, Like if you're absolutely positively right, she's the
• 46:56
  Speaker 5: neatest person I know. So like back in the day
• 46:59
  Speaker 5: in college, like roommates, what they would do is lay
• 47:01
  Speaker 5: a sock on her bed and watch her crash out.
• 47:05
  Speaker 5: Just watch your crash out, and so like that that
• 47:09
  Speaker 5: kind of like that was a joke to me, right,
• 47:11
  Speaker 5: that was like a joke. I was like, haha, kidding,
• 47:13
  Speaker 5: Like I'll do the same thing, like leave a dish
• 47:15
  Speaker 5: out and be like how long I'm just timing you,
• 47:18
  Speaker 5: you know, to see how long it takes me to
• 47:19
  Speaker 5: get it. And like after a while you realized, Okay,
• 47:22
  Speaker 5: that's read the customer. It's not funny. It comes from
• 47:25
  Speaker 5: real place. Like her her upbringing was such where it's
• 47:29
  Speaker 5: like a lot of different people lived in her house, right,
• 47:33
  Speaker 5: so it's like they rented out rooms to people. So
• 47:36
  Speaker 5: her space because she's one of four children growing up
• 47:38
  Speaker 5: in New York City, right, so it's a it's a
• 47:41
  Speaker 5: jam packed situation. So she kept her space orderly and
• 47:45
  Speaker 5: that's how she That was Like that was for her
• 47:48
  Speaker 5: mental health and so like really putting that together, right,
• 47:53
  Speaker 5: and so putting that together and understanding that, Okay, well
• 47:57
  Speaker 5: this this is how she copes. Is like like that
• 48:00
  Speaker 5: was how you know, that was my moment of maturity, right,
• 48:05
  Speaker 5: so gold start for me. But like you know, but
• 48:09
  Speaker 5: you have to make sure that you understand where your
• 48:13
  Speaker 5: partner's coming from. Right. So not only was I needed
• 48:16
  Speaker 5: to understand that part right, that's a bucket, then I
• 48:20
  Speaker 5: had to be like Jordan, you need to grow up
• 48:22
  Speaker 5: and just clean up after yourself. Because like what I
• 48:25
  Speaker 5: got the reinforcement I got about cleaning, and our house
• 48:28
  Speaker 5: was clean. It was clean because my mom was scary.
• 48:32
  Speaker 5: You know, she's a scary lady that would be like,
• 48:36
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna come through for inspection on Saturday morning, you know,
• 48:40
  Speaker 5: and make sure that that bed is like you could
• 48:42
  Speaker 5: bounce a quarter off it. Are you gonna die? You
• 48:45
  Speaker 5: know what I mean? Like it was like I was
• 48:47
  Speaker 5: under a lot of pressure. I was pressed, you know,
• 48:50
  Speaker 5: it was it was crazy. Was I come from the
• 48:53
  Speaker 5: era of having to get to church clothes together on
• 48:56
  Speaker 5: Saturday night and to polish my little penny loafers to
• 49:02
  Speaker 5: a high shine like on Saturday night and then make
• 49:06
  Speaker 5: sure that I studied my sunny school lesson before and
• 49:10
  Speaker 5: start my college. Do you think when I left that
• 49:12
  Speaker 5: house that I wanted to do that anymore? Absolutely? Not.
• 49:16
  Speaker 5: I was like, every day is a fun day, like
• 49:18
  Speaker 5: eating fruit, loose, like just having a good time.
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: Like I got another story, I got another bad story, nigga.
• 49:30
  Speaker 5: Oh no, damn no.
• 49:33
  Speaker 3: I would come home from work.
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: So I was working two jobs at the time, Okay,
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: oh wow, I was doing hair and working at Tafura,
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: and I would come home from work and I would
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: find tape, little pieces of I know, you know this story, ag,
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: I find little pieces of tape in the hallway, in
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: the stairwell, in the kitchen, just little piece of two
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: little pieces of tape every day and be little pieces
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: of tape.
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: What the fuck?
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: Why am I finding black tape like the electrical tape,
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: not like.
• 50:00
  Speaker 5: The clear tape.
• 50:02
  Speaker 2: So after the months, this goes on from months, right,
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: So I come home and I find two little pieces
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: of tape stuck to the dishwashing right. So finally, like,
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: what the fuck is this tape? Every time I come
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: home there's pieces of tape. Do y'all know that this
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: nigga was taping both sides of his camera on his
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: laptop and like watching porn and beating.
• 50:25
  Speaker 3: Off somewhere in the house.
• 50:26
  Speaker 5: Oh my god, you've done.
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: You just take the tape off and leave it wherever
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: it was at wherever he beat off, eating his dick
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: and mark kitchen. Why are you in the kitchen, your
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: nasty nigga? Like what in the world.
• 50:40
  Speaker 5: At least he wasn't using gorilla glu glue or whatever
• 50:43
  Speaker 5: you know like.
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: That, he said, Like the cameras he thought somebody could
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: like watch him, watch him. None, and they do. They do,
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: like log into your ship. But guy, he was beating
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: this nig a lot.
• 50:55
  Speaker 3: So I've heard while I'm at work.
• 50:59
  Speaker 5: Okay, again, this is really like, I'm not a therapist.
• 51:04
  Speaker 5: The secretive nature in which this man is going about
• 51:07
  Speaker 5: this is that's very suspect, and I'm glad that you hitit.
• 51:10
  Speaker 5: That relationship, yo, that is wild, that is wild, I think, yeah.
• 51:16
  Speaker 5: I mean that's that makes you wonder like when when
• 51:20
  Speaker 5: the woman's outside the house, what are you doing with
• 51:23
  Speaker 5: your time? Right? And that that's that gets me back
• 51:26
  Speaker 5: to integrity, right, So it's like you could be beaten off, Okay,
• 51:32
  Speaker 5: is that what you're gonna do with your time out?
• 51:33
  Speaker 4: How to make more money so I don't have to
• 51:35
  Speaker 4: work two jobs.
• 51:36
  Speaker 5: That exactly exactly part So rather, I think I think
• 51:40
  Speaker 5: a lot of men use you know, so I've heard,
• 51:44
  Speaker 5: uh you use masturbation as like if they're bored, if
• 51:47
  Speaker 5: they need to cope, if they need to calm down.
• 51:50
  Speaker 5: I'm not I'm not excusing anything that your dude did,
• 51:53
  Speaker 5: but like there's much better things to do when your
• 51:55
  Speaker 5: wife leaves the house, Like look around, what what needs doing?
• 51:59
  Speaker 5: Just like do it real fast, do it or you
• 52:01
  Speaker 5: won't do it at all, Like do it faster, you
• 52:03
  Speaker 5: won't do it all. That's my that's my mo.
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: My ex used to be like, it'll be clean up
• 52:09
  Speaker 3: when you wake up.
• 52:10
  Speaker 4: One time he said it'll be I'm like, he came
• 52:12
  Speaker 4: home late in the evening and he just dropped the
• 52:14
  Speaker 4: piece of whatever, every piece of the house, so from
• 52:17
  Speaker 4: the door to the living room, it's like an item
• 52:19
  Speaker 4: a book bag like a kid.
• 52:21
  Speaker 2: You know. So I'm like, could you pick this? You
• 52:23
  Speaker 2: come into a clean house and you're just now it's
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: just in disarray, right, And he was like, well, it'll
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: be picked up by the time you wake up. I'm like, nigga,
• 52:31
  Speaker 2: I'm still awake stepping over shit. Well, when I realized
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: that this nigga is matter off, he actually had adhd
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: oh and what he was doing because he'd wake up
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: like four o'clock in the morning, right, He literally was
• 52:43
  Speaker 2: creating things to do when he wakes up because he
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: would wake up and clean up his stuff.
• 52:48
  Speaker 4: He'd wake up and wash the dishes.
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 52:50
  Speaker 4: So he was I'm like, if you don't do that,
• 52:52
  Speaker 4: then you don't have to do this four o'clock in
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: the morning. Right, But he literally creating things to do.
• 52:58
  Speaker 5: Yes, yes, just not doing it. I mean.
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: I don't understand, man, you have to when it.
• 53:09
  Speaker 5: I mean, like the winning strategy for me has just
• 53:12
  Speaker 5: like been put my arms around whatever my wife wants
• 53:15
  Speaker 5: instead of like my head around it. Because men will
• 53:17
  Speaker 5: come up with a million ECUs is why they shouldn't
• 53:20
  Speaker 5: do it right now. And this this guy that is
• 53:23
  Speaker 5: in my life, that is you know, that shows me
• 53:27
  Speaker 5: this role model. I don't want to name his name,
• 53:28
  Speaker 5: but he's a role model and he just shows me
• 53:32
  Speaker 5: like every day in every way, like oh okay, just
• 53:34
  Speaker 5: do the opposite of that. But not everybody's lucky enough
• 53:37
  Speaker 5: to have that in their life, you know what I'm saying, Like,
• 53:39
  Speaker 5: not everybody is like enough to that like that foil
• 53:43
  Speaker 5: the community, foil like, don't do it like don't be
• 53:46
  Speaker 5: like him, don't be like Jim like that that is.
• 53:49
  Speaker 5: That's been very helpful to me, honestly, and that helped
• 53:52
  Speaker 5: me like write this book.
• 53:53
  Speaker 4: I mean feminine energy to write that book.
• 53:57
  Speaker 5: Not even people keep talking about like being feminine. I'm like,
• 54:00
  Speaker 5: is not being feminine to like Okay, for instance, I
• 54:04
  Speaker 5: needed to I needed this. People will call it feminine,
• 54:07
  Speaker 5: but actually I didn't even put this in the book.
• 54:10
  Speaker 5: But this is what happened to me. We're on vacation
• 54:13
  Speaker 5: and we like a door down for us. We rent
• 54:16
  Speaker 5: this place on an island in Maine, and a door
• 54:19
  Speaker 5: down from us is this guy who's a colonel and
• 54:23
  Speaker 5: an Army colonel. Very nice guy. Let's the kids use
• 54:26
  Speaker 5: all his like little floaties and all that kind of stuff, right,
• 54:31
  Speaker 5: He's got them like stockpiled and we just get to
• 54:35
  Speaker 5: talking on the beach and he's just a really nice person.
• 54:38
  Speaker 5: And I was like, so, what did you do in
• 54:40
  Speaker 5: your time in the army as a colonel? And he
• 54:42
  Speaker 5: was like, I was a quartermaster. And if you don't
• 54:44
  Speaker 5: know what a quartermaster is, a quartermaster like make sure
• 54:47
  Speaker 5: that all the provisions that the army needs are there
• 54:50
  Speaker 5: when they need them. Right. So if it's ammunition, if
• 54:53
  Speaker 5: it's food, if it's clothing, they got you. And they
• 54:56
  Speaker 5: know where everything is in the in like in the stockade, whatever,
• 55:02
  Speaker 5: you know, Like they know where everything is. So I
• 55:05
  Speaker 5: was like, okay, So this guy like knows where everything
• 55:08
  Speaker 5: is in his house. He knows about like the comings
• 55:11
  Speaker 5: and goings, and he's got the schedule down a routine.
• 55:13
  Speaker 5: I was like, I could be a quartermaster in my
• 55:15
  Speaker 5: own home. So it wasn't it was like it has.
• 55:18
  Speaker 5: It's about showing people that there there is a male
• 55:22
  Speaker 5: version of everything we say is like female, right, So
• 55:25
  Speaker 5: like for me that was like just being a quarter
• 55:28
  Speaker 5: master in my own home, understanding that, like we're good
• 55:32
  Speaker 5: for paper towels right now, because we are so good.
• 55:34
  Speaker 5: I wish I could show you on the other side
• 55:36
  Speaker 5: as well. We are so good. I'm not a doomsday prepper,
• 55:39
  Speaker 5: but we good like TPPT like all that kind of stuff.
• 55:43
  Speaker 5: Like I needed that to make it okay for me
• 55:47
  Speaker 5: to you know, be a man and then also worry
• 55:50
  Speaker 5: about this stuff. Of course, I think people are on
• 55:52
  Speaker 5: a spectrum. You're always in touch with like you're feminine side.
• 55:56
  Speaker 5: I don't like show tunes or anything like that. But
• 55:58
  Speaker 5: there's part of me that, like, you know, I was,
• 56:00
  Speaker 5: you know, my son we went skiing this weekend and
• 56:03
  Speaker 5: I was like, you know what we're gonna do because
• 56:04
  Speaker 5: we're driving, and I was like, we're gonna put on
• 56:06
  Speaker 5: Aretha for like an hour, like so he just listened
• 56:08
  Speaker 5: at Ytha Franklin because we were like listen to so
• 56:11
  Speaker 5: much hip hop. I was like, we're gonna put on
• 56:13
  Speaker 5: Aretha so that you understanding. Yeah, yeah, so we get
• 56:17
  Speaker 5: some feminine energy in here too, you know. So like
• 56:19
  Speaker 5: I feel like I feel like I'm always in touch
• 56:22
  Speaker 5: because like my mom raised me more than my dad
• 56:24
  Speaker 5: because my dad was always working at the hospital. So
• 56:27
  Speaker 5: I was like, that's never far away from me. So
• 56:29
  Speaker 5: I'm comfortable with that. But not, you know, not every
• 56:32
  Speaker 5: guy is you know, not every guy is like, not
• 56:34
  Speaker 5: every guy can beat me, but but period, right, so uh,
• 56:41
  Speaker 5: I'll have a rose as well every once in a while.
• 56:44
  Speaker 5: No one's looking, no one's keeping score. You know, it's
• 56:47
  Speaker 5: all good. But I think that, yeah, you have to
• 56:50
  Speaker 5: get over the feeling of being feminine or something like that,
• 56:55
  Speaker 5: because being masculine that that's just like it's a heavyweight.
• 56:58
  Speaker 5: Every day, it's a heavyweight to do that.
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: Is there a female version like for the men of
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: chour play, like what would be the I.
• 57:08
  Speaker 5: Haven't read it, you know what I mean. I just
• 57:10
  Speaker 5: haven't run into a messy girl yet. In my life, luckily,
• 57:13
  Speaker 5: I'm with this type a situations, not.
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: Necessarily like the chores, but like the thing that men
• 57:22
  Speaker 2: would want more of, like the exactly opposite.
• 57:26
  Speaker 5: You know, do we want something oh interesting? I mean
• 57:31
  Speaker 5: that's right. I was only going to say this, like
• 57:35
  Speaker 5: which is the direct line between like if you give
• 57:39
  Speaker 5: something a week? Right, Like if you like I made
• 57:41
  Speaker 5: coffee for my wife for like a week, you give
• 57:43
  Speaker 5: it a week, like. I mean, I wanted to just
• 57:45
  Speaker 5: touch on like the sex part, which is like which
• 57:49
  Speaker 5: was an outcome that was definitely I did not expect.
• 57:52
  Speaker 5: I was just trying to say my marriage. I didn't
• 57:54
  Speaker 5: know how much, like how much better our romantic life
• 57:57
  Speaker 5: would get from that. But then and researching the book,
• 58:02
  Speaker 5: I looked at like Maslow's like pyramid of needs, right,
• 58:07
  Speaker 5: which is like you need food and shelter and all
• 58:10
  Speaker 5: these things before you get to the top is self
• 58:12
  Speaker 5: actualization meaning just like you know, a good life whatever
• 58:15
  Speaker 5: it is. So I think wed with self actualization is
• 58:20
  Speaker 5: also like sex, like you're not gonna we said it
• 58:24
  Speaker 5: already if the room is messy, Like my wife's not
• 58:29
  Speaker 5: gonna want to smash at all. Right.
• 58:32
  Speaker 2: I just feel like Maslow's hierarchy of needs, yeah, updated
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: because I feel like miss food shelter pussy right behind
• 58:43
  Speaker 2: each other. I don't think it's all the way at
• 58:45
  Speaker 2: the top. I really don't.
• 58:47
  Speaker 5: They need tape. They need electrical tape.
• 58:52
  Speaker 3: Shelter pussy, electrical tape.
• 58:55
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 59:00
  Speaker 4: It definitely is different between men and women, but.
• 59:04
  Speaker 5: We need to understand that. We need to understand what
• 59:07
  Speaker 5: your partner's hierarchy of needs is, right, So it's about
• 59:10
  Speaker 5: understanding you can't just like shut it off at your
• 59:13
  Speaker 5: own point of view. There's two people in this. It's
• 59:16
  Speaker 5: a weed, yeah, and like and and and learning what
• 59:21
  Speaker 5: she needs security. That's a feeling of security when things
• 59:25
  Speaker 5: are in order and in place, right, So that can
• 59:28
  Speaker 5: just make for a much better atmosphere because then we
• 59:32
  Speaker 5: kind of like stop being like, oh, we haven't hooked
• 59:36
  Speaker 5: up in a long time, what's going on? We ain't
• 59:40
  Speaker 5: doing this and that anymore, you know. And it's like
• 59:43
  Speaker 5: sex was more of like a chore rights as kind
• 59:47
  Speaker 5: of like a way to make sure that that we
• 59:50
  Speaker 5: kept going and that you know, like we weren't off
• 59:53
  Speaker 5: track instead of just like a fun thing that we
• 59:55
  Speaker 5: could squeeze in while the kids are away at school
• 59:57
  Speaker 5: or something like that. You know. So it's it's like,
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 5: it feels like that point, and I feel very lucky.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 5: I feel very lucky in that because not a lot
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 5: of people that are like kicking forty six in the
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 5: ass are able to like say that they just have
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 5: that kind of fun with their wife, you know, like.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: Like sometimes we're on the phone at night and she's belack, girl,
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: let me just go suck his deck real quick.
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 3: I will call you back.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: It just sounds so much like a tour, like let
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 2: me just put this in bed. I mean, I'll call
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 2: you right bag.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 5: You are wolent, that is tam You have the funniest
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 5: friends of it. I mean that never have I ever.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 5: I wish that was my life, but that is not
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 5: my life. Like my wife's never like let me grocery
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 5: is done, okay, let me come like this did never.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 5: But yeah, but if you but that's a red flag
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 5: if you're there at that point, you know, that just
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 5: shows no desire, right, and if desire is dead, then
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 5: what are we doing? But it's all all these things
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 5: work in concert with each other. Like so you know,
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 5: taking my I kind of was like a I mean
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 5: just I was just out of shape, like I was.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 5: I wasn't like that much overweight, but I was out
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 5: of shape. So like y'all were saying, with the rickety
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 5: arms and everything like that, like I started to go
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 5: to the gym work on like kettle bell and stuff
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 5: like that. Didn't ever think Never did I ever I mean,
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 5: look at me, I'm like, I look like Arkle's stunt double.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 5: Like never ever did I think that that would like
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 5: that's you're very kind. Okay, let me go from Steve
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 5: to Stefan all right, so like, but never did I
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 5: ever think that that would like have some kind of
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 5: correlation like losing the way getting like getting more solid,
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 5: solid core and all that kind of stuff. Like you Like,
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 5: my wife is the kind of person where she's like
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 5: she loves personality, she loves conversation, she loves talking, and
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 5: that that is very like romantic to her. But I
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 5: always I was like, okay, we have tried these things.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 5: We have tried talking, we've tried romance like let me
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 5: open up new paths and corridors in my life, like
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 5: and see see what else I can be, you know,
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 5: and and again, don't be revolution I was trying not
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 5: to be revolutionary about it. I was just trying to
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 5: be like gradual about it because I was sick of
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 5: the mode that I was I was I'd been in previously,
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 5: if that makes sense.
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 3: A j you have a game you want to play?
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 2: Oh god, right quick, Okay, it's called who Does This?
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 5: By the way, I'm having fun on this show. This
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 5: is really it is really fun.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 4: Get about ten more minutes out of you, all right.
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 4: More so, the game is who who does this? And
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 4: you would select more likely men, more likely women or
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 4: both are your options.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 5: Do you see do you see the pain already edged
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 5: on my face? I'm like, I'm ready, I'm ready.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 4: And it's just overall relationship, not even just about cleaning
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 4: and stuff. So okay, this first one keeps score in arguments.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 5: Keep scoring arguments. Who does this? Keep scoring an argument?
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 5: Mm hmm. It's got to be women. It's got to
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 5: be women. Hey, I feel like you don't know, it's
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 5: got to be women. But I try to be like them.
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 5: I'm always trying to be like, you know, let's go back,
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 5: let's go way back, and like try to remember, get
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 5: the files out. I can never remember the date. But yes,
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 5: I think it's women. They're better at it them men, all.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 3: Right, the next one who wants recognition for effort? Women?
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 3: Men are both.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 5: I think both want it, but men want it more.
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 5: I think both wanted, but men want it more for
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 5: doing less. Women wanted and it's never it's like never
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 5: seen and like you've got to be like you got
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 5: to you gotta say thank you for this. If you
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 5: say thank you for this.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 6: Oh my god, get some soul, I know, because she'll
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 6: like say, I'm.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 5: Like, thanks for making their lunch this morning, thank you
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 5: for that. She's just like some problem. It's my specialty.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 2: Easy shit. Women. Women are actually easier, I believe.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 5: Okay, okay, we love you, you know, yes.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 2: We just need one reason to stay, A.
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 5: Million reasons to leave, just.
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: One good reason to stay.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 4: Uh says nothing is wrong when something is clearly wrong.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 5: Says nothing is wrong with something that is. A man says,
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 5: A man will like I agree, yeah, he will deny.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 2: I thought you were going to say women, I thought
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 2: you were going to say, women like you always I
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 2: feel like I always see a woman like walking around
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 2: the house quiet and not saying she and the man like.
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 5: Oh that way. I thought you meant denial, like like
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 5: like that is denial as well. But I thought you
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 5: meant like like if there's clearly a problem in the
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 5: relationship and he's like, why are you tripping? Everything's fine?
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 5: You know, like like saying that everything is fine, that's
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 5: a man thing, like yeah, but if there's something whoa,
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 5: it's like jazz, it's the notes you don't play. Like
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 5: when she's like, I'm like, I'm gonna go out get
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 5: some beers with the boys, and she's like, yeah, go
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 5: do that. That's fine, like I'm not going out, Like
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 5: if it's tone, if it's tone like that, like no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah,
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 5: see what happens she's not if she doesn't say like
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 5: I'm happy for you, you should do that, Like no,
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 5: that's good. I love that guy. Sure, So I see
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 5: what I see what you meant there. Sorry, these are
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 5: good questions. Oh, go ahead with expectations that pitch oh
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 5: does things with expectations attached. That is that is definitely
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 5: some man stuff. I feel like, yeah, that is, I
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 5: expect ticker tape parade. I expect, like you know, school
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 5: will be suspended, banks close, Yes, yeah, expects.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 4: Their partner to read their minds.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 5: Expects a partner to read their minds. That is that
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 5: women do that. Women do do that, But I also
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 5: feel that, but but I feel it's probably men more that. Yeah,
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 5: it's memo. I agree, yeah, because we want to be
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 5: treated as we would treat others, and we don't always
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 5: express what we need or want in the moment, and
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 5: it comes back to bite us in the ass man
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 5: like it's real bad.
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 4: Implicitly state what it is that they need, you just
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 4: close to know, and then if you don't know, then
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 4: it's like men are not as simple as they like
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 4: to say.
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 5: We're very complicated. We're very complicated. I mean, listen, the
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 5: most complicated thing that my wife does is say that
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 5: she doesn't want anything for Valentine's Day when she clearly
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 5: wants something done for Valentine's Day, Like she does that
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 5: every year and every year, like I have a panic attack,
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 5: but but that's about it. Like for me, I know,
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 5: I'm low key like, oh my god, you ate the
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 5: last of this in the refrigerator. I didn't put my
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 5: name on it. I didn't tell anybody that I wanted it.
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 5: But everybody's gonna pay for it later, you know what
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 5: I'm saying. Like, because I'm an Aquarius, so that's we're
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 5: both me and my wife are both aquariuses.
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you got it.
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 5: Now.
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 2: I didn't have got out there aquarius. That was with man.
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 4: He took a shower just as much as I did.
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 4: He cleaned up just as much as I did. Like
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 4: that wasn't a problem with the aquarius.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 5: Aquarius is often will do whatever you want them to do.
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 5: So it's like we our survival mode is like we
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 5: don't argue. We go with the flow.
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 2: Y'all create arguments calmly, and you get to a hundred,
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 2: they're looking.
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 3: At you like it's not that serious.
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 4: There, get some ship after you don't got me on
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 4: a hunt? Yeah, like that's what aquarias do.
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 5: Oh my god, I can't speak for all uses. I
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 5: can't speak.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 2: What about this one apologizes just to in an argument,
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 2: not because.
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 3: They mean it, but just to stop the argument from it.
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 5: That is a man thing right there. I will do it.
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 5: I'll jump on the grenade.
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 3: I just want to stop.
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna tell you a quick story. All right. Women now,
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 5: Women now are wearing like the trench coats in New
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 5: York City. They like these kind of like like detective
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 5: trench coats right out here, solved mysteries as very fashionable
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 5: for women in Manhattan to wear them. I had one Shindy,
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 5: your vintage trench coat that I liked a lot about
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 5: ten years ago. My wife says, ugly, throw it out.
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 5: I was like, but Babe, I think it's cool. I
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 5: think she's like, who wears that? Throw it out? You
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 5: look crazy. I was like, okay, okay, So I threw
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 5: it out.
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 3: Thick the gadget.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 5: I love this spect your gadget, Penny would solve all
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 5: the mysteries. Come on brain right, summer lifted that show? Okay, Penny,
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 5: all right, all right, So anyway back called track speaking
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 5: of adhd h recently, guess what came back in style?
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 5: All the all the women wearing these. She goes, Babe,
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 5: look at this online. It's from a ritzy Look at
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 5: I want it? Will you buy it from me? Well,
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 5: I buy it if you apologize to me for ten
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 5: years ago, I will buy it. World War three, World
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 5: War three this way exactly exactly. But everything's cool now,
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 5: everything's fine. I bought it.
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 3: Did she apologize?
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 5: Never lost that war. You have to you have to
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 5: know when to shut the fuck up. That's why. That's why.
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 5: At the beginning of this, I was like, do they
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 5: want me to talk? I don't know when when to
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 5: talk with it. I was glitching. I was glitching, especially
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 5: coming on call.
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 3: We talked back with some black women.
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 5: I know you from the Carolinas too. I'm like, oh lord,
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 5: I gotta know how to present myself. Here we go,
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 5: Here we go.
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 4: Do you thinks effort should lead to more intimacy?
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 5: Ooh, thinks effort should lead to more intimacy. I mean,
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 5: I wrote a whole damn book about this. I think, Okay,
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 5: thanks effort. Yes, yes, that's a guy thing. But you
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 5: got to be like, got to be like Yoda with
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 5: this ship. You gotta it's like the force. You can't
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 5: want it. If you want it, it's not gonna happen.
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 5: You gotta you got to just do the thing and
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 5: it will happen. It's like, but you can't force it.
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 5: So I'm saying that's a man thing. But I'm trying
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 5: to educate as well, just saying.
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, stop stops doing something, just to see if their
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 2: partner notices that's.
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 5: A woman, diabolical, diabolical, Like my wife has stopped cooking.
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 5: She stopped cooking. Mm hmm, it's it's it's a it's
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 5: a fraught time over here. She stopped cooking because she
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 5: teaches night classes. She's a professor, so three days out
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 5: of the week she's she's gone and doing that. So
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 5: I'm like, okay, I gotta step up and cook. And
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 5: that's what I've been doing. And you got to cook,
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 5: but you also got to put a silencer on it too.
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 5: You can't be like and me doing all to cook it.
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 5: And because then I asked you, So I've been doing
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 5: this for months now, and I asked my son, I said,
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 5: I said, Malcolm, like, who who cooks? As much like
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 5: mommy's Daddy's like who cooks Mommy or daddy? He's like Mommy,
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 5: I'm like, motherfucker, I I made you nuggets from scratch,
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 5: Like what are you talking about? You were watching the Simpsons,
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 5: I was over here whatever, you know, Like that's that's
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 5: what it is.
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 2: So yes, yeah, believes they're the better partner.
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 5: Believes are the better partner. Men always believe it. Men,
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 5: we always believe we did did amazingly well. We over
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 5: in my research, we over hype ourselves with the confidence
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 5: that we like, we're over confident in our performance all
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 5: the time.
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 2: I thought women women believe.
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 4: I think because I do think sometimes women believe that
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 4: they can do no wrong in a relationship. Like it's
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 4: always the man, Like, when are you going to think
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 4: about some ship you might have contributed to in the
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 4: relationship that caused at the end.
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 2: You know, so I thought you would say, women.
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 5: Hey, push back, tell me, tell me, tell me I'm wrong,
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 5: tell me I'm wrong, because because from where I'm standing,
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 5: it's always been I'm just saying I think she has
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 5: been the better partner in this relationship.
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 3: Just agree with that.
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm like, I feel like I
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 5: think it's both.
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 3: I think it's both.
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, everybody think they're the better partner.
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 2: Every like man like, yeah, my ex was crazy as hell,
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 2: and then one was like he was such a bad communicator,
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 2: Like I was just the best communicator he couldn't.
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 3: Like it's always everybody thinks they're the best.
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 5: Ever.
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 4: I see this post on Instagram and I commented on it,
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 4: got thousands of comments and likes on it.
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 5: Uh.
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 4: The post was a guy like driving down the shoot
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 4: in his drop top and he was like, you know
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 4: you a crazy bitch of a man. Got to tell you,
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 4: let's have a good day.
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 3: To day babe.
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah, after that, nigga ruined the day before, after you
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 4: ruined the day Now you're telling me this a good
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 4: day after you don't cause some bullshito.
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 2: No, nigga, I'm knocking it over today too. I'm not done.
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 2: I had to take a nap and I got I
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 2: got a messy meme for today right quick too. It
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 2: says I being I love beating a dead dead horse.
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 2: I'll give a fuck I get something else to say.
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 5: That's true though, Oh my god, oh my god. Yeah,
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 5: I would never. I never tell a woman to calm down,
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 5: never tell her to have a good day. Like I
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 5: never told my.
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 3: Wife that you have a good day.
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 5: After I pissed her off. Like what do you like? No?
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 5: I mean that is like you got to be like
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 5: the joker, like you're crazy doing stuff? Yeah, poking. Never
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 5: Never A woman from Brooklyn in twenty.
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 2: Twenty six, in this economy, Yeah.
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 5: Let her cook, leave her alone, Leave her alone. That's
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 5: how you stay married. That's how you stay bowed up.
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 5: It's like understanding the person's their limits and taking a
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 5: step back and understanding that, like, not everything. A lot
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 5: of men don't understand that not every comment needs to
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 5: be said. That's like, that's why men are always in
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 5: the comments. We're like, we comment on everything. Not everything
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 5: needs your opinion, you know, That's what it is. These
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 5: are great questions.
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 3: Are you going to do another one?
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 2: I have no go ahead?
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 3: Okay, so I have one closing question.
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 2: Please, what's one thing people can start doing today to
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 2: improve their relationship, Like right after they finished listening to
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 2: this episode.
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 5: Okay, one thing that they can do today. Like, if
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 5: you're a guy, there's multiple things you can do, but
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 5: one thing you can do is just I always say,
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 5: like check on the toilet paper around the house. If
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 5: that toilet paper. Let's say your girl came home from
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 5: a long day work, just working their jobs with a
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 5: boss that sucks, sits down on the towilet. She goes
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 5: to the role and there's nothing there, and now she's
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 5: got to do that. Hop to the to the pantry
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 5: of cabinet, come on. Now check the bathrooms. If you're
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 5: low on ammunition, so to speak, then change out the role.
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 5: That will take two minutes tops, and it will save
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 5: your relationship. That's I mean, I'm speaking from speaking from experience.
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 3: I would like to add to that. Please, what's a
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 3: toilet seat? The fuck learned?
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 5: I've learned precision shots. I don't even put it up.
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 5: I just precision precise that I'm a sniper. I'm a sniper.
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 5: I don't even I don't even fuck around anymore.
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 2: Uh I think that, and like, there's nothing worse than
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 2: falling into a toilet seat.
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 3: Now your ass is covered in toilet water.
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 2: You touched it with your hands too.
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 5: It's terrible. Just take a shower after that. I feel
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 5: like this. Check on the milk, go to go to fridge,
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 5: check on the milk. If the milk booboo. If the
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 5: milk is at a quarter go to the store if
• 1:17:14
  Speaker 5: it's if it's a quarter full. If you got one
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 5: of those skinny ones because you're lazy, get a big
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 5: one from the store. Get it done. That's all my
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 5: wife ever does is like she's like the milk where
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 5: the milk levels. One of the milk levels I'm like,
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 5: she's christ. We can never go straight home. It was
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 5: always like, is the milk in the house for tomorrow?
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 5: I don't even drink milk, you know.
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 2: But your wife, your wife white because Niggas is lactosega.
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 5: She's half. She's half, so like that's why she talks
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 5: like that. But like, but.
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 2: Nigga, I would be thinking here with the little fucking milk.
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 5: I don't drink it. I don't drinking, but I want
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 5: to be happy, you know what I mean. So I'm like,
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 5: so I go to Costco. I bomb this place of milk.
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 5: You get to Costco. You can get three of the
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 5: milk smells. You get a cow in there and like,
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 5: and you can freeze. This is what I learned. You can.
• 1:18:14
  Speaker 5: This woman taught me this. You can freeze milk. I
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 5: didn't know that. Put that in a deep freezer comes out.
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 5: I'm telling you, man, you just got to fight these
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 5: little battles. It's the little cold because marriage is a
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 5: cold war. You take if you get rid of that
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 5: that ship that little like tit for tat, there's more
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 5: I like this podcast, then there's more tits for you. Okay?
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 5: Is that is that? Is that good? Is that in
• 1:18:38
  Speaker 5: keeping with this podcast.
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 4: With the vibe and I won't tat your.
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 5: That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, all your things.
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 3: Your yeah, yeah, everything, your book, all of it.
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 5: Folks. You can reach me, like, okay, So if you
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 5: just search on Instagram, I'm one of one Jordan Carlos,
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 5: and then you can from there you can check out
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 5: my website Jordan carloscomic dot com. You can you can
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 5: check out on book chore play. There's links on the
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 5: IG to find the book online and whatever like variation
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 5: you want. If you want audiobook, that's not you. Uh,
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 5: if you want like Kindle or whatever, it's there. It's
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 5: doing well. We're very happy with the sales and I'm
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 5: excited about it and like, yeah, just check me out
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 5: and let's see this fall. You're gonna see me on Netflix.
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 5: I'll be yeah.
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 4: So, I mean, you did Black Mirror before I did.
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 5: Black Mirror, but this time I saw I've been very fortunately,
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 5: very blessed. I'm writing and acting in like Hotel Transylvania,
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 5: the show on on Netflix, so which is really cool.
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 5: And then you can check me out on a Sony
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 5: PlayStation game because I play like a Voice of the AI,
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 5: which I can I can't even say the name of
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 5: a game, but it's like it's coming out. It'll be
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 5: out in fall. Yeah, yeah, but but that's me, that's me.
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 5: But you know what, Yes, check out the book, please, gentlemen,
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 5: please okay, one one out of two, one out of
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 5: two marriages and a divorce. We can stop that. We can,
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 5: we can. We can do better than that.
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 3: Doing guys work here trying.
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 5: Y'all are doing guys work. Damn the people that you
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 5: described that you're out here dating.
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 3: Woe is me.
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 2: Okay, listen, pray for me. Okay, pray for me out
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 2: here this struggle.
• 1:20:29
  Speaker 3: If you that's what I'm saying. If you have somebody's
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 3: calt right now, please stick with them. Do the things work,
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 3: because yes, dating pool got Dukie in it.
• 1:20:42
  Speaker 5: That's not a snickerspar that is yeah. Get that little
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 5: net all right, thank you, y'all.
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 4: All right, y'all go pick up chore play by Jordan Carlos.
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 4: All right, and if you enjoyed this episode, and if
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 4: you enjoyed this episode, y'all tune in every Thursday on
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 4: the iHeartRadio Apple where but the fuck you get your
• 1:21:02
  Speaker 4: podcast at?
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 2: This is your co host a j holiday grand spicking
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 2: to what.
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 5: Y'all have made me laugh the whole time because it's like,
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 5: that's the thing about I am a comedian, but I
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 5: wrote this book kind of like serious, but y'all have
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 5: made me laugh, Like shar made me laugh the whole time.
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 5: I was like, I was like, this is a serious thing,
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 5: but He's like, you know, y'all are making me laugh.
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 5: It's funny.
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 3: And we don't take.
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 2: Nothing ship serious, not too serious. This is lighthearted and fun.
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 2: That's why we're here. Okay, we want to talk about
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 2: serious things.
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 3: But we want to have fun with it, you know.
• 1:21:38
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 2: Now, y'all, I'm official tam Bam. I love y'all so
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 2: so very much. Thank y'all for tuning in. Y'all Follow
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 2: me on Instagram Official tam Bam. Follow We Talk Back
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 2: Podcasts on Instagram. Y'all speak now and never hold your chores,
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 2: clean up after yourself.
• 1:21:55
  Speaker 4: Yes, not a fucking.
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 3: Kid, right? Why goddamn you're not gonna fuck your mom.
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 2: One five times?
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 5: Listen?
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 2: Oh no, in the penis part, It's.
• 1:22:12
  Speaker 3: True, It's true.
• 1:22:17
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