Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / Happy Hour #143: Navigating Family Divides

Transcript

Happy Hour #143: Navigating Family Divides · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I never told your production by heart radio.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: And welcome to what I'm thinking is going to be
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: a short happy hour, but maybe not. We are putting
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: a quick pause on the Sex and the City just
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: because chaos ensues during election times and holiday times and
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: all the times chaos. But I did want to kind
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: of talk about a personal experience.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: I don't think No, I haven't talked.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: About like my adoption stuff in a while or identity
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: stuff in a while, So I was gonna kind of
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: bring that up because I had an interesting weekend Annie.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: So the election is upon us, and my family has
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: gone through some stuff physically with help wise, and.
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: Things have been kind of not in disarray.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: I think we're coming off of that. We're coming into
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: like progress mode and all that. But all that to
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: say is I have spent a lot more time with
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: my family, specifically my parents and aunts who haven't seen
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: in years, which is my bad, Like I have to
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: process how I see family a lot of the times
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: because of my adoption stuff and especially during election times,
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: heated election times. As I've talked before, my family is
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: very conservative. Myself and my niece are the only ones
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: to come out leaning left. And my niece, her stuff
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: has been recent since her experience in college and being
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: in Atlanta and meeting the people she has, which I
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: love for her, and she's having to navigate her own
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: family in these times.
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: So a lot. It's a lot when it comes to
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: my family.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: Being on a intersectional feminist podcast, leaning very far left
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: in my political views and all of that has kind
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: of put a wedge in my relationship with my family.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: Y'all know that I went through a whole thing about
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: my book. My family still doesn't know that I've written
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: a book like the things that it would have been celebrated
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: in the other family most of the times, not so
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: much for my family. And it could be honestly my
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: cowardice in all of this aighty you and I've talked
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: about that a lot, like things that I don't want
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: to face, because the few times that I have talked
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: openly has not gone well to the point that we've
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: kind of all agreed we would never bring this stuff up.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: My dad will bring it up every now and again,
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: just asking how my job went, was going and all
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: of that.
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: But so there's a lot to be left.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: I guess and said all of that to say, the
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: elections are upon us. I had hope for a second
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: that my parents, especially my family in general, weren't die
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: hard supporters of uh Trump. And I still don't know
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: for sure because we haven't brought it up. We haven't
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: had that conversation. There are things that I found on
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: social media which I don't really follow my family. I
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: either like unfollow them, were still like connected but not
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: following each other, or I just don't like. My mother
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: now has Facebook, and I was like why. I actually
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: got very mad at her and went off to the
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: point she says something to my sister, and I was like,
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: why would y'all let her do this? Because she has
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: admitted to me previously when we went through some really
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: rough patches in conversation, that she needs to stay away
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: from the news because she's being fed a lot of
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: information that she doesn't know if it's true, and she
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: knows that it has really really tainted her views on
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: a lot of.
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: Things, including name calling me.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: So a lot of those things have happened, and so
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: I was very upset that she was on Facebook because
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: I was really worried what that would do for her
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: mindset which in misinformation she was going to get, and
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: how this is going to affect our relationship because again,
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: I love.
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: My family, y'all.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: I ride hard for my family and that I will
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: protect them. I will make sure that no one you
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: can't kill my family. I can show my family you can't,
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: you know, type of conversation.
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: But I also absolutely know.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: That they have really harmful views and takes on things,
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: thinking that they're doing this in good light. So with
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: all of that, I've discovered that my brother has a
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: picture of supposedly that assassination attempt of Trump doing one
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: of his rallies where you know, do the F pump,
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: and he.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: He has that as a profile picture. So like, oh
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: my god, oh.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: My god, are you idealizing this man because he got
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: shot at? And don't get me wrong, that's bad. I
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: will always hold to don't do this. This violence is awful.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: But also idealizing them and putting them on a pedestal absurd, absurd.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: But again, so I'm a little worried about what that
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: looks like. I have not brought this conversation up. I
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: will say for the most part of the brother who
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: did this has not said anything to me has not
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: provoked me. Used to was upon a time he would
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: and we would go back and forth and banter a
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: little bit. But since Trump that has not happened. I
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: don't think we can banter. I don't think it can
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: be a friendly thing. So with all of that, I
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: was going to see my family this weekend, and I
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: was going to see my mom and dad because I
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: haven't seen them a couple of weeks. I didn't I
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: wanted to talk with them, make sure everything was okay ever,
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: getting updates on everything that was happening with them and
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: the rest of the family. And I purposely did it
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: where I didn't have to see my siblings just because
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: I'm a little worried. At the same time, my mom
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: sends outa Hey, we're doing a fall get together this
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: at the same weekend and you should all come and
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: we're going to do these things, and I had a
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: full fledged anxiety attack where it kept me up at
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: going back and forth about what excuses I can make
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: for coming the day before and not the day that
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: she wants the festival, all these things because I did
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: not want to deal with with so close to election,
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: any conversation that could go near that topic again. I
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: go back and forth because I know a lot of
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: people activists in general, especially as loud as we are
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: on our own activism, go back and forth about well,
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: you should be educating your parents, you should be talking
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: to your parents.
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: And all these things.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: And I can't like when I say that it the
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: anxiety was so high and seeing my family because of this.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: Anxiety is already high in general, because we're waiting with
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: baited breath about what's going to happen with our future, right, yeah,
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: but the anxiety of having to confront my family in
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: this moment, knowing that it's only going to ruin our relationship,
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: which it feels like it's on thin ice as it is,
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: makes it even harder. It's like, in general, to have
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: this conversation, and because of the few conversations that didn't
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: even really have to do with the election, put us
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: in such a state that it felt like I was
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: going to lose my entire family, like it that's what
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: it feels like. And so I go back and forth
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: with that because I feel like I am betraying my
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: morals at the same time trying to keep the peace
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: with my family so that I can keep my family.
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: Does that make sense?
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: Yes, I do not think you're alone, and I think
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: that some of us have learned the hard way. There's
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: just people you're not going to convince. I mean, you
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: can't say nothing, right, but I that pressure to be
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: like the one who turns them around, right, I just
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: I don't think for some if you like know the
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: person you're talking to and you know they're entrenched, I
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: just I, yeah, I would say, like pick your battles,
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: pick them wisely, right, Yeah.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that that's that thing is like
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: they know what I do.
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: My dad has asked me how I is going.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: My mom kind of listens, dot doesn't ask more questions.
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: He did ask me, funnily enough, that's.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: Not a word, how we don't how we keep from
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: talking about politics on our podcast, And I was like, well,
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: we talk about women's issues, so you know, it's not
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: always about the election. And that's what I said, like
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: I kept it neutral as possible without saying no, we
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: talk about it, but also we talk about it in
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: the sense of like I'm very far left and don't
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: agree with either politicians to a certain degree, like I won't.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: I think democracy is safeer under one specific candidate than
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: the other. We've talked about that, and that's where like
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: picking that battle, I'm willing to vote for the person
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: who's at least allowing us to disagree with the issues
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: at hand, instead of the one who's saying they're going
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: to take the army and shut down anybody who disagrees.
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: With them, you know, like absolutely.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: But in leaving trying to leave that at the thinly
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: veiled like, hey, let's not talk about this because I
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: don't think you understood what feminism is if you think
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: that we don't talk about politics, right, But that kind
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: of ended that, and then interestingly it jumped into I
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: had told my mother a while ago, who I've talked
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: about my story, my adoption story a little bit with
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: my parents, and my mother really feeling like she was
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: called by God to a adopted child, not necessarily because
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: she was trying to save someone, but like she really
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: felt like this is something that she's supposed to do,
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: Like this is one of the things that she's supposed
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: to do. And then like how she loved this one
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: organization that she used, the woman who created it, and
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: all these things, like she idealized them and to a
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: certain extent, and I came back with hey, I was
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: trying to find my records, trying to look at some
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: adoption stuff, asking more questions, looking through my identity, and
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: she made mention of something, and she brought up this
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: old time till, which a lot of Christian people do
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: with good intent, you know, you know, they gave you
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: up for a better life. They all these things also
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: the same, like anti abortion stuff, give them a chance,
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: all these things whatever, but this type of rhetoric. And
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: I was like, okay, just an FYI, here's the truth,
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: did you know? And I had to This is one
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: of those moments I'm like, okay, this is something I
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: think she can handle. Maybe that you're the organizations that
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: I was adopted from. This in a lawsuit because adoptees
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: have found out that they actually didn't get permission from
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: a lot of the parents or guardians in their adoption
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: and essentially STI old kids as a way of profit
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: for South Korea and that the South Korean government is
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: having to answer to that now. So she was kind
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: of like, no, that's not what happened with you. That's
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: not what happened. And I was like, you know, grandmother,
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: which I was given to the orphanage by my grandmother,
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: my biological grandmother. I don't know if she had permission
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: or not. That's that part. I don't know to the
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: orphanage to be adopted out and relinquished custody. She technically
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: does not have that right. As I looked at the records,
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: there's no signature, there's no names or nothing. There's nothing
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: other than my birth certificate I got after I came
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: to the US. There's nothing outside of what orphanage or
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: children's own. But at the time it was called then
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: orphanage I was located in I. This has been months ago,
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: so I left that alone. My mom was kind of
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: confused and she's like, but not you, but not this organization.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: Was like, eh, yeah.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: So she found something popped up on her search, like
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: on her you know, for you page type of thing
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: for you know, Google, when they show you different trends.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: They popped up for her and it was about the
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: South Korean lawsuit adopted lawsuit. She started reading it and
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: her and my dad have been talking about it and
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: they asked me. That's one of the first things they
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: asked me when I saw them over the weekend, which,
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: by the way, I went to just see them. I
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: was able to get out of not seeing the family
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: just FYI, and she brought that up and she was like,
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: tell us about it, and I kind of had to
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: essentially let them know my personal story but also trying
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: to ease it for them as to not feel guilty
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: because she's like, mom, my mom literally had literally said
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: my heart sank when I read this, especially when I
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: think about your parents. I'm like, that's not it. I
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: don't know what I'm saying to you is I don't
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: know what this is happening. And it was the first
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: time I ever said the worst parents my father, my
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: mother when I was referencing biological parents versus my adoptive parents,
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: but I was saying this to my adoptive parents. It
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: was such an odd moment of me having to backtrack
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: and re restate my biological parents so that my mother
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: and my father, my adoptive parents did not feel like
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: I was cutting them out like that, you know what
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: I mean, Like that wass misidentifying them in my life
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: because they are my parents, Like I go back to
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: this old thing. And they were very understanding, they were
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: very open, they wanted to hear more. They were very
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: open to the fact that I called it human trafficking,
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: and they're like, you're right, that's what it is. So
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: we had a moment. This was one of those moments
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: where like, maybe I can talk to them about these issues.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: So this is I promise this is all coming together.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: Maybe I can talk about this issue. Because even though
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: it took a long time for my mom to except
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: what I was saying to her, as in saying, adoption
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: was not necessarily a saving grace, it may have been
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: a criminal act. Not that I'm not grateful, and I
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: am so thankful to be here again. I know there
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: are those who are going to attack. I don't think
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: the listeners, I don't think y'all would, but there are
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: those in the outside that I've seen attack adoptees for
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: having this type of conversation saying that I'm being grateful
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: or accusing people like me of being ungrateful. But that
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: conversation is a really deep conversation, and you have to
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: unlearn a conservative Christian ideological idea ideological thought process that
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: you are saving someone because God called you to do something,
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: when in actuality, you don't know what the flip side
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: of it was. And a lot of the times people
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: take advantage of good people, people take advantage of those
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: in the hardships in marginalized communities. That's a bigger point
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: of this conversation. So with that, the fact that my
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: mom ca came back and had this conversation with me,
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: had sat down with my father and explained that to
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: him to a certain extent, did give me a moment
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: of pause of like, maybe I can, maybe I can
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: talk about these things. But at the same time remembering
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: having a traumatic moment where we sat in a public
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: restaurant with her face changing in a way that made
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: me feel not ostracized, not necessarily hated, but it was
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: like she knew it too, Like when I say her
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: face changed in such a way that my face was
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: so shocked, that she knew. She told me later when
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: we tried to talk a little bit about that moment
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: of when you lost it on me for being a
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: part of this podcast, that she messed up, like she
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: allowed her hatred, her ideology that was formed by Fox News,
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: that she told me in newsmas and projected it onto me,
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: someone who she you know, loves and cares for, That
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: she messed up. But having that moment so like printed
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: in my brain pushes away from me to having another talk, like,
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: you know, trying to gauge what I can talk to
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: my family about without losing them these times, Like it's
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: always been kind of odd as I was walking away
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: from my Christianity, walking away from my religious beliefs, to
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: finding what I think is a better path for me.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: To this to these.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: Extremes of having to have conversations where it makes them
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: uncomfortable and having to ask them to unlearn or asking
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: them just to recognize that these things are not implicitly
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: true and holy and pure.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's I mean, it's a lot to manage.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: And I feel that so many of us, so many
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: listening can relate to what you're saying, but you have
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: the added layers, but that idea of managing other people's
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: emotions and how they're going to react, which should be
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: we should be able to have those conversations and disagree.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: But it feels like it's reached such a pitch. You
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: can't you can't have these conversations about something so important
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: to you. You can't have these moments with someone You're
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: avoiding being with people like because we it's gotten so polarized.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: In a lot of it, I do think is I
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: think you were right to be like don't get her
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: on Facebook. I think a lot of it is the
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: stuff people are consuming and they're not realizing that the
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: opinion or the silence that they might be inflicting.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: Right, you know, I have to come back with they
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: also think I'm going to I'm being I'm lost.
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: They think I'm lost.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: I think that's the best perspective to put it, and
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: so they feel like they've lost me in some way.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: In that segment, they're trying to protect their relationship too
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: with me. There's a lot happening, and as this comes
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: out on Thursday, it'll be after the twenty twenty four
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: technically technically after voting day, and nothing may change, and
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: we may be enough people.
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: We have no idea. We're prepping. We're preving.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: Like shrew Dinger's cat right now could go either way.
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: Trying to.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: Gauge the future, but at the same time trying to
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: protect not only my mental health and my emotional health,
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: but a relationship that I you know, that that I
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: love like that is precious to me. My family is
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: precious to me, and they are my family and as
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: many things as we disagree on, I know they would
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: be there for me.
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: If things are bad.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: They know.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: When things are bad, I'm there for them. The minute
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: they're in the hospital, I'm with them. Like maybe again,
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: my brother and I who are not my oldest brother
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: and I are who are not the closest even from childhood,
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: who are not close. There's a pretty big age gap
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: between us. Anyway, he knows that if he were ever
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: in trouble, I will be there, And I know the
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: same thing. As much as we disagree with each other,
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: which I think is the part that Another part to
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: this that really baffles me is that as loving as
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: they are and as accepting as they are on a
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: personal level, like my niece has tested their boundaries a
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: lot by bringing a lot of LGBTQ queer people to
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: with them, like openly trans openly like non binary, and
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: I love that for her, and they loved them. My
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: parents love on them. The things are odd, they will
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: say like they will make the whole boomer comment.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: About them essentially, but they accept them.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: They hug them before they leave, they make sure they're fed,
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: they make sure they had a good time, they make
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: sure that they can come with her anytime they want,
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: but on like a bigger voting level, they don't think
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: the rights are important for them.
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: Like that's the other part that I'm like, I don't Yeah,
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: I don't understand.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: I think my family was ready for me to come
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: out anxious about it.
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: But they were waiting then they would have been they
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: were ready.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: They're prepping themselves, yeah, and making sure that I knew
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: that I was still welcome, Like even with all of that,
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: but they still on a bigger issue, key issue platform.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: Think that that is wrong is just such a divide
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: to me that it throws me off because, like I said,
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: like as much as I hate, as much as the
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: policies they seem to like agree with, they don't on
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: a personal level, And it's odd to me.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: That is odd. But I think a lot Again, that's
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: like we've talked about that before. When you're like, I
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: don't like gay people accept this one that I know
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: they're cool. I think people are pretty capable of doing that,
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: but it's strange to see it in action because you're like,
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know how you can't translate. I have a
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: friend who she constantly she riles her family up, but
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: she was asking them like, what is it? What is it?
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: Why would you vote for him when I'm telling you
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: all of this stuff that impacts me and hurts me
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: and my friends and all of this. And they were
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: like the economy and she was like, well, it doesn't.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: But the economy doesn't. He doesn't help, but they just
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: have this belief in the economy.
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: Oh, I love.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: They talk about immigration, and then I to try to
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: That was a part of that conversation too with my family,
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: because I know immigration is a big sticking point for
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: even those who are immigrants anyway, and I was like,
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: you know, it was almost sported, and then having to
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: explain like a lot of adoptees are deported because though
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: the adoptive family doesn't do it correctly and realize that
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: they're doing things incorrectly, and they're like, what, but we did,
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: And they went through a whole like mind game and
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: trying to remember what I'm talking about. But I'm like,
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: but these are the laws that actually help enforce kicking
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: adoptees out, but you don't think about this.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That's what scares me a lot about conversations that
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: get into with people about politics.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, but and also unfortunately, I even just
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: but I disagree with like VP Harris's stands on immigration.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: That's the rough. But see, we can at least, like
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: you said, push that administration and not.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: Or at least we can argue with them and then
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: at least have them talk about it. But the fact is,
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: I'm like, honestly, she's probably just as like staunch on
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: some of the immigration policies as you want her. You
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: want Trump to be I don't. He's just making up
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: excuses and acting like he's going to shoot them at
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: the wall.
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: That's what you like. The hearing of violence. Maybe I
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: don't know. I don't know, mm hmmm.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: It's yeah, we're recording this today before, so.
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: Any to hear the if you hear the fear and
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: the doom and our voices, I mean, honestly, as a
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: podcast that has marginalized people, queer people, you know, people
• 24:20
  Speaker 4: of color, were frightened.
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and this does affect our relationships.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: It does infect. In fact, it does infect and impact
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: our relationships. And I've had at least three people text
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: me to day before we start recording that we're saying
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: like I'm scared. I don't think I can see my
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: family anymore. Trump is like that, like people are scared.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: So it's it's a real it's a rough time right now.
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: So fam we understand. Yeah, we understand, and we're here
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: the other episodes that come, we'll be together.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. And it's one of the strange things about
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: podcasting is we're recording this after the election. I mean
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: recording this before the election, so you'll listen to it
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: after who knows, but I'm sure that the emotions and
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: feelings will not be gone and probably we won't know
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: the answer by then.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: Anyway, we won't know that.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: But isn't that fun? Well again, we too appreciate you.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: I know it is so rough for so many people
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: right now, and so many of you are experiencing same
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: things Samantha is talking about. So we are here. We
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: love you, love yes, and you can contact us. You
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: can email us that stuffid mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: You can find us on Twitter a mom Stuff podcast,
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: or on Instagram and TikTok at stuff one ever told
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: you were also on YouTube. We have a deep public
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: store and we have a book you can get wherever
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: you get your books. Thanks as always to our super producer,
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: Christina who has a birthday coming up. Yeah, our executive
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: producer Maya and your contributor Joey, thank you and thanks
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: to you for listening. Stuff I Ever Told You is
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: production by Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio,
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: you can check out the heart Radio app Apple Podcasts
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: wherever you listen to favorite shows.