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What Strong Women Know with Heptathlete Louise Hazel · Mind Over Mountain

0:09
Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, Welcome to mind over Mountain with me Cheryl Strade.
0:13
Speaker 1: This week, my guest is the Olympian and heptathelete Louise Hazel.
0:18
Speaker 1: In our conversation, she tells me all about her career
0:21
Speaker 1: as an elite athlete and what she's been up to
0:23
Speaker 1: since she retired. She runs a gym called Sleigh in
0:26
Speaker 1: Los Angeles, and she also inspires lots of people with
0:29
Speaker 1: her podcast of the same name. Louise and I talk
0:32
Speaker 1: about how grief inspired her to achieve her dream of
0:36
Speaker 1: competing in the Olympics, about how important mindset is when
0:40
Speaker 1: it comes to the achievements that she's made, and the
0:43
Speaker 1: ways that she inspires women to find their strength. Let's
0:47
Speaker 1: listen to our conversation. Louise Hazel, Welcome to mind over.
0:51
Speaker 2: Mountain, Cheryl. Thanks having me. So good to see you.
0:54
Speaker 1: It's wonderful to see you. I am thrilled that you're on.
0:58
Speaker 1: We met about a year ago at dinner party. We
1:01
Speaker 1: were celebrating our mutiful friend Roda, and I remember we
1:05
Speaker 1: almost immediately, no surprise to anyone, started talking about women
1:09
Speaker 1: and strength and weightlifting and working out. And I loved
1:13
Speaker 1: that conversation from you, right from the get go.
1:15
Speaker 3: Same for me, it was just so refreshing to walk
1:18
Speaker 3: into a group. It's very rare that I get to
1:19
Speaker 3: walk into a group of women and be able to
1:21
Speaker 3: talk about protein and you it was you know, it
1:25
Speaker 3: was to me, it was like a radical encounter because
1:28
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, people are starting to get it, Like,
1:31
Speaker 3: you know, it's not just we're not just athletes out
1:33
Speaker 3: here talking about it. It's not just personal trainers. It's
1:36
Speaker 3: now seeping through to like a wider audience. And so
1:38
Speaker 3: it was just so refreshing. I can't say how much
1:42
Speaker 3: I walked away from that conversation just feeling just overjoyed
1:46
Speaker 3: because I feel like, finally the messages is out there.
1:49
Speaker 1: That's so funny because you know, my memory of that
1:52
Speaker 1: too is like you almost swooned when I said, yes,
1:55
Speaker 1: you know, I try to eat a gram per per
1:59
Speaker 1: per a pound of my ideal body weight of protein
2:01
Speaker 1: every day and you're like, oh, my goodness, that is
2:04
Speaker 1: so awesome.
2:05
Speaker 2: I think I stopped talking to me.
2:10
Speaker 1: I was like speaking your language, because of course, you
2:12
Speaker 1: have had an absolute lifetime in sports and athletics. You
2:17
Speaker 1: you know, are a champion, gold medalist, You want the
2:21
Speaker 1: Commonwealth Games and the heptathlon. You are in the Olympics
2:24
Speaker 1: in twenty twelve in London, and of course you have
2:27
Speaker 1: you know, since since I met you that night, I've
2:30
Speaker 1: been listening to your incredibly inspiring podcast, Sleigh. And of
2:34
Speaker 1: course you have a gym by the same name in
2:36
Speaker 1: Los Angeles. I don't get to go work out with
2:38
Speaker 1: you at that gym. I wish I could, but not yet.
2:42
Speaker 1: But you know, I reflecting upon you know this, as
2:45
Speaker 1: I anticipated this conversation with you, I realized, just like
2:49
Speaker 1: how very much fitness is your life. Athletics is your life.
2:53
Speaker 1: You are literally embodied when it comes to total health,
2:57
Speaker 1: whether it be strength, or mental health or spiritual health.
3:00
Speaker 1: You hear that so much, so clearly on your podcast, Sleigh,
3:04
Speaker 1: and I wanted to ask you to tell us first
3:08
Speaker 1: how it is this began. Let's go back to Little
3:12
Speaker 1: lou Little Louise Hazel. What was the first time you
3:16
Speaker 1: became involved in sports or athletics?
3:19
Speaker 3: Well, I think show my first memory was sports day
3:22
Speaker 3: school sports day, and I can remember having an immediate,
3:27
Speaker 3: like positive experience. So I remember being lined up for
3:31
Speaker 3: sports Day and it was a sprint race and all
3:34
Speaker 3: I can remember is as soon as that gun went,
3:37
Speaker 3: I was off and oh, I know I was crossing
3:39
Speaker 3: the finish line. I was victorious, but not only that,
3:43
Speaker 3: I'd beat the boys.
3:44
Speaker 2: And to me, the.
3:45
Speaker 3: Victory was really sweet, but beating the boys was even
3:49
Speaker 3: sweeter because at home, I grew up with two brothers.
3:52
Speaker 3: So I think anybody growing up in that dynamic where
3:54
Speaker 3: you've got two older brothers, you know, you're just like
3:57
Speaker 3: the baby of the group, the child just actually wanting
4:01
Speaker 3: to be seen to be able.
4:03
Speaker 2: To do what they're doing.
4:05
Speaker 3: So I grew up in an environment where I was
4:06
Speaker 3: very much the tomboy, wanted to be celebrated and praised for,
4:10
Speaker 3: you know, being able to keep up. And on that
4:13
Speaker 3: day I felt like, not only did I keep up,
4:15
Speaker 3: I finally won. So I think, you know, from a
4:18
Speaker 3: very small age, I was just I knew that I
4:21
Speaker 3: was very energetic and I was going to kind of
4:25
Speaker 3: direct that energy in a positive direction, and for me,
4:28
Speaker 3: that was sport.
4:30
Speaker 1: And how did that over time as you got older
4:33
Speaker 1: become you know that they have tathline at the Candonwealth
4:37
Speaker 1: Games and at the Olympics. How did you evolve and
4:41
Speaker 1: grow into becoming the athlete that you are.
4:44
Speaker 3: I just focused on beating bigger boys. So naturally, when
4:51
Speaker 3: I moved from my hometown, my parents bought a pub
4:54
Speaker 3: in Cambridgeshire. It's a very rural area we grew up,
4:59
Speaker 3: we were working class family. Outside of school hours, you know,
5:03
Speaker 3: at school, I was participating in a lot of sports.
5:06
Speaker 3: And I have to give a massive amount of credit
5:09
Speaker 3: to the UK school system because I was exposed to
5:11
Speaker 3: so many sports at school and a great after school program.
5:16
Speaker 3: And after that, I just found myself kind of rising
5:19
Speaker 3: through the ranks of becoming like almost a junior athlete.
5:23
Speaker 3: I found myself my biggest sporting occasion. My first big
5:26
Speaker 3: sporting occasion was at the English Schools Championships, so all
5:29
Speaker 3: of the school girls and schoolboys of the UK coming
5:32
Speaker 3: together to compete through track and field, and I was
5:36
Speaker 3: in the girls one hundred meters junior girls and the
5:39
Speaker 3: first year of competing, I finished fourth, so I was
5:42
Speaker 3: outside the medals, still had some work to do. But
5:45
Speaker 3: for you know, a young girl from Cambridgeshire, you would
5:49
Speaker 3: typically see those medals going to athletes that were in
5:53
Speaker 3: big cities Manchester, Birmingham, London. So for like a young
5:59
Speaker 3: girl from kind of outside of Town, a very rural town.
6:02
Speaker 3: It was a huge achievement and it was a big
6:05
Speaker 3: achievement for my county as well. We each represented our counties.
6:08
Speaker 3: The following year, I won the gold medal. And what
6:11
Speaker 3: only did I win the gold medal in the one
6:13
Speaker 3: hundred meters, which was where I started out. I was
6:15
Speaker 3: a speed athlete. I knew that was a skill set
6:18
Speaker 3: that I owned. I actually won the gold medal in
6:22
Speaker 3: the pentathlon as well. So my coaches naturally recognized the
6:27
Speaker 3: fact that I was a multi skilled athlete, and they
6:30
Speaker 3: put me into the combined events to really see how
6:32
Speaker 3: those skills could develop. So as we started to move
6:35
Speaker 3: through the junior ranks to the seniors, there was still
6:37
Speaker 3: a challenge there, but ultimately Cheryl, I saw a poster
6:42
Speaker 3: on my wall when I was a young girl of
6:44
Speaker 3: Denise Lewis, who was the Olympic gold medalist in the heptathlon,
6:48
Speaker 3: and she had this.
6:50
Speaker 2: One sleeve like javelin suit.
6:52
Speaker 3: The jablin was pulled back on light was like hitting
6:55
Speaker 3: her jaw by like her cheek bones. And I was like,
6:57
Speaker 3: not only is she strong, beautiful, she's confident and she's
7:02
Speaker 3: the best in the world. Wow, And that's I knew
7:06
Speaker 3: what you know. I knew I wanted to be a sportswoman.
7:08
Speaker 3: I knew I wanted to make it to the Olympic Games.
7:10
Speaker 3: My goal was to become that Olympian and to be
7:13
Speaker 3: able to emulate and walk in the shoes also of
7:16
Speaker 3: great female athletes.
7:18
Speaker 1: So you had that vision and that became your dream.
7:21
Speaker 1: But growing up working class, that's something you and I share,
7:25
Speaker 1: I'm going to guess. And also, like you said, you
7:27
Speaker 1: weren't from one of the big city schools or counties.
7:30
Speaker 1: How is it that you, at that very young age,
7:33
Speaker 1: as a teenager, when you started to realize and the
7:35
Speaker 1: people around you started to realize that you could be
7:38
Speaker 1: a champion, an elite athlete. How did you gather the
7:42
Speaker 1: resources I would guess would be necessary to take this
7:45
Speaker 1: to the next level, whether it be in terms of
7:47
Speaker 1: coaching or all kinds of all the infrastructure it takes
7:51
Speaker 1: to be elite.
7:52
Speaker 3: Absolutely great question, I think first and foremost, we have
7:56
Speaker 3: to acknowledge that the kind of social welfare system in
7:59
Speaker 3: the UK and the US is completely different. There is
8:02
Speaker 3: free you know, my parents were now both business owners.
8:05
Speaker 3: They'd worked their socks off to purchase a pub. So
8:09
Speaker 3: their time allowed a great deal of flexibility, and we've
8:13
Speaker 3: kind of moved, I would say, from working class to
8:16
Speaker 3: kind of lower middle class, Like there was ability. I
8:19
Speaker 3: knew that there was kind of more money around. My
8:20
Speaker 3: mum would take me shopping a little bit, more things
8:23
Speaker 3: that I didn't really see as I was like running
8:25
Speaker 3: up and I was like in single digit age. But ultimately,
8:30
Speaker 3: you know, I guess the challenge was going from my
8:34
Speaker 3: small town club where I had to just bike down
8:37
Speaker 3: the road three minutes and I was already you know,
8:39
Speaker 3: at a playing field where I could run and I
8:41
Speaker 3: could learn skills.
8:43
Speaker 2: The challenge then was.
8:44
Speaker 3: How do I get to a bigger track, a big
8:46
Speaker 3: four hundred meter track where there was structure, there are
8:50
Speaker 3: coaches where there's a competitive system that I can just
8:53
Speaker 3: jump into every single weekend, and their support and my
8:58
Speaker 3: dad was the person who stepped her financially and with
9:02
Speaker 3: his time. I could see that my dad definitely had
9:05
Speaker 3: a vision for me and he wanted me to do better.
9:07
Speaker 3: And as a young boy, he didn't have that opportunity.
9:10
Speaker 3: He had to go straight into world of work. He
9:13
Speaker 3: was also a keen runner, but distance runs, and so
9:16
Speaker 3: I think he wanted to give me the opportunity that
9:18
Speaker 3: he didn't have because he was, you know, forced into
9:21
Speaker 3: the world of work, didn't have the luxury of being
9:23
Speaker 3: able to kind of, you know, flit around on a
9:26
Speaker 3: Tuesday and Thursday night playing around with a shot put.
9:29
Speaker 3: And so I think it just came through that, you know,
9:32
Speaker 3: that parental guidance and him wanting more for me, the.
9:35
Speaker 1: Beautiful dream of every good mother and father right wanting
9:39
Speaker 1: for their kids what they didn't get. So, as you
9:42
Speaker 1: became an adult, what did you do after high school?
9:45
Speaker 1: Did you get a job while you also continued to train.
9:48
Speaker 2: I went straight to college.
9:51
Speaker 3: I knew that I wanted to go to the University
9:53
Speaker 3: of Birmingham because that's where the athlete in the post
9:56
Speaker 3: of Denise Lewis, her coach, was training and he was
9:59
Speaker 3: putting together new group of female heptathletes, and I wanted
10:02
Speaker 3: to be in the group. I wanted to work with
10:05
Speaker 3: the man who had created the gold medalist, Darryl Bunn,
10:08
Speaker 3: And we were maybe a group of five heptathletes, and honestly,
10:14
Speaker 3: for me, it was like a golden time in track
10:16
Speaker 3: and field, because you know, we made such great friendships.
10:19
Speaker 3: We were all heading for the same position. We all
10:21
Speaker 3: wanted that gold medically Olympics, we all wanted the same
10:23
Speaker 3: spots in the teams. But it became a very competitive environment.
10:28
Speaker 3: And more importantly, I knew once I'd gotten into an
10:31
Speaker 3: environment with stronger, faster, and older girls, it was I thrived,
10:37
Speaker 3: I really thrived. I needed to know that there was
10:39
Speaker 3: something for me to chase. There was a challenge. It
10:41
Speaker 3: wasn't that I was like, you know, big fish, small pond.
10:44
Speaker 3: All all of a sudden it was flipped the head
10:46
Speaker 3: and I was a small fish. And I was used
10:49
Speaker 3: to being the small fish because I'd grown up with
10:50
Speaker 3: two other older brothers. So very very quickly I noticed
10:54
Speaker 3: my skill and my attributes and my speed come along
10:58
Speaker 3: very very quickly to the point where I'm now the
11:01
Speaker 3: fastest athlete in the group.
11:03
Speaker 1: So except you mention, you know, it sounds to me
11:06
Speaker 1: like from that beginning when I asked you, what about
11:09
Speaker 1: little girl Louise, you were like, I round that race
11:12
Speaker 1: and won, and you know it sounds like you have
11:15
Speaker 1: natural speed, but shut put hi jump. How did you
11:18
Speaker 1: become good at those things when you weren't naturally inclined
11:23
Speaker 1: to be.
11:23
Speaker 3: The beautiful thing about the heptath on is it's very
11:26
Speaker 3: rare and it's near on impossible to win every single event.
11:30
Speaker 3: So there's an element of being a jack of all trades,
11:33
Speaker 3: master of none. But also there are going to be
11:35
Speaker 3: events where you don't excel at all. And the key there,
11:39
Speaker 3: and what we did from a strategy perspective is if
11:42
Speaker 3: I was already good at the two hundred, I was
11:44
Speaker 3: already good at the long jump, I was already good
11:45
Speaker 3: at the hurdles. I don't need to spend extra time there.
11:49
Speaker 3: I just need to touch base with those events once
11:51
Speaker 3: a week.
11:52
Speaker 2: Now.
11:53
Speaker 3: What we did, though, was focused double the amount of
11:55
Speaker 3: time on our weaknesses. And I say this because I
11:58
Speaker 3: feel like it has so much crossover into anything that
12:02
Speaker 3: you're trying to be good at, whether it be career,
12:04
Speaker 3: whether it be relationships, You must commit to spend more time.
12:09
Speaker 3: So I would do two sessions of shot put each week.
12:12
Speaker 3: I would do two sessions of high jump each week,
12:15
Speaker 3: because these were the skills that needed the attention and
12:19
Speaker 3: once if you ignore them, break, you'll never improve, You'll
12:22
Speaker 3: just always be where you are.
12:24
Speaker 2: So they just needed double the amount of love and affection.
12:28
Speaker 1: Did you ever come to love them. I mean, I
12:30
Speaker 1: think we tend to be yeah, inclined to love the
12:33
Speaker 1: things don't come easy to us. But did you finally
12:36
Speaker 1: feel like, yeah, this is like I'm enjoying this, or
12:38
Speaker 1: I'm feeling yeah, I'm good at this.
12:40
Speaker 3: Yeah, without a doubt, they were less enjoyable events for
12:44
Speaker 3: me because you don't get that in at buzz and
12:46
Speaker 3: that like dopamine hit. But when you finally do break
12:50
Speaker 3: through thirteen meters in the shop put or you know,
12:53
Speaker 3: like a barrier that was almost unattainable. And I remember
12:57
Speaker 3: in South Korea at the World Championships when I finally
13:00
Speaker 3: cleared one meter seventy four in the high jump, and
13:04
Speaker 3: that just felt so exhilarating, and it felt just so
13:08
Speaker 3: validating that you can work so hard at something and
13:12
Speaker 3: the work finally pay off and nobody can ever kind
13:14
Speaker 3: of take that from you. And it's really borne out
13:17
Speaker 3: of that intrinsic internal motivation. It's not coming from an
13:21
Speaker 3: external place. It's purely an achievement that you kind of
13:25
Speaker 3: hold in your heart, and it can often be those
13:28
Speaker 3: break through barriers can often be the most meaningful moments
13:31
Speaker 3: in the career of sport.
13:43
Speaker 1: But of course I'm going to guess being an Olympian
13:47
Speaker 1: in twenty twelve, and not just an Olympian, but you know,
13:50
Speaker 1: the Olympics were happening in your home country in the
13:54
Speaker 1: UK and London in twenty twelve, a huge realization of
13:57
Speaker 1: that dream that began, Like with that posture, what did
14:01
Speaker 1: that feel like? What did it mean to you to
14:04
Speaker 1: achieve that beautiful dream?
14:07
Speaker 3: To achieve the dream was bittersweet because I'd lost my
14:11
Speaker 3: father in two thousand and eight, so four years prior
14:15
Speaker 3: to London twenty twelve, and so you know, it was
14:19
Speaker 3: my father's dream as well to see me at the
14:21
Speaker 3: Olympic Games, and he never got to see me that day.
14:23
Speaker 3: He wasn't he wasn't with us, sadly. And so just
14:26
Speaker 3: four years after losing my father, he died age fifty.
14:31
Speaker 3: He'd celebrated his fiftieth birthday in the January and he
14:34
Speaker 3: passed away in May. He suffered a heart attack and
14:37
Speaker 3: a number of strokes, and then you know, within six
14:40
Speaker 3: weeks of kind of being in hospital, he finally succumbed
14:44
Speaker 3: to a superbug MRSSA.
14:47
Speaker 1: And so sorry, Lou, I know that's the thing we
14:49
Speaker 1: both share. I think you were twenty two at the.
14:52
Speaker 3: Time, is that right, I was in my early twenties. Yeah,
14:55
Speaker 3: and you know, my heart was set. You know, the
14:59
Speaker 3: the Olympics had been in outs two years before, so
15:01
Speaker 3: we were like, this is it, you know, this is
15:03
Speaker 3: this is your moment, this is this is what we're
15:05
Speaker 3: gearing up for.
15:06
Speaker 2: This is what it's all for.
15:07
Speaker 3: And I remember, you know, being called back home that
15:10
Speaker 3: night and then finding out that my father had passed
15:13
Speaker 3: and the rug just being pulled from beneath my feet.
15:15
Speaker 3: There was no athletes, There was only what was right
15:18
Speaker 3: in front of me, which was my grief, my mum's grief,
15:21
Speaker 3: my family's grief. And I knew just that I had
15:26
Speaker 3: to be really, really strong, and I knew that I
15:28
Speaker 3: was not only carrying the our dreams, like my dreams
15:33
Speaker 3: of the Olympics. I was carrying his dreams whilst carrying
15:36
Speaker 3: around the grief. And I knew that the only thing
15:39
Speaker 3: that was going to make a difference in this scenario
15:42
Speaker 3: was to get back to the track. And was you know,
15:46
Speaker 3: after his funeral, after I knew that my mom was
15:48
Speaker 3: taking care of to basically just go back to the board,
15:52
Speaker 3: the drawing board, and just do my very best and
15:54
Speaker 3: just work towards that that moment and I'll just take
15:58
Speaker 3: you back just because there were a couple of moments,
16:00
Speaker 3: you know, on the way within two years of you know,
16:04
Speaker 3: knuckling down, and it really made everything just that much
16:08
Speaker 3: more meaningful. So every training session it just there was
16:11
Speaker 3: a laser focus after that. And one of the things
16:13
Speaker 3: I felt after my father passed was huge grief, but
16:17
Speaker 3: also then a weird and additional sense of power in
16:22
Speaker 3: the sense you're no longer on your own. His spirit
16:24
Speaker 3: almost was playing in me. I finally had this energy
16:27
Speaker 3: that I didn't have before. I was more committed. I
16:30
Speaker 3: decided that I wanted a new coach, that I wanted
16:33
Speaker 3: to train twice a day. It was like there was
16:34
Speaker 3: nothing there was no other outcome that was possible for
16:37
Speaker 3: me and my major tunnel vision.
16:39
Speaker 2: And within two years.
16:42
Speaker 3: Or eighteen months of my father passing, I won the
16:44
Speaker 3: Commonwealth Gold Medal. And that was never really on the cards,
16:48
Speaker 3: I would say from the get go for me, I
16:50
Speaker 3: never saw myself being a Commonwealth Gold medalist. I never
16:53
Speaker 3: saw myself beating out five girls who on paper were
16:56
Speaker 3: ranked better than me on the day, but it was
17:00
Speaker 3: and the power of the grief that propelled me through
17:03
Speaker 3: that situation. And my mum was out in Delhi in
17:06
Speaker 3: India where we won the medal at the time, and
17:08
Speaker 3: I can remember crossing the finish line and then seeing
17:11
Speaker 3: her in the crowd and just running up in that
17:13
Speaker 3: hug and just crying and like we did it.
17:16
Speaker 1: That's so beautiful. And I think too, like we think
17:20
Speaker 1: of grief, and grief is as you said, the rug
17:23
Speaker 1: was pulled out from under you and you were taken
17:26
Speaker 1: down in some ways, as we are when we lose
17:28
Speaker 1: people who are essential to us. But if we remember
17:34
Speaker 1: that grief is love and that those people, like you said,
17:37
Speaker 1: continued to walk with us, it can also be the
17:41
Speaker 1: thing that makes us stronger than we were before.
17:43
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think, you know, we hear so many stories.
17:46
Speaker 3: I think in everybody's life, there's that pivotal moment where
17:49
Speaker 3: it could go either way. Going You're either going left
17:52
Speaker 3: and it's a downward spiral and or you somehow managed
17:57
Speaker 3: to upward spiral. And for me, it was an upward spiral,
18:01
Speaker 3: which wasn't an easy one. It was a you know
18:04
Speaker 3: what I mean, So like you're literally clinging on it's
18:07
Speaker 3: almost a survival it's the same thing. It's a survival mechanism,
18:10
Speaker 3: except you're spiraling upwards and so but what that I
18:14
Speaker 3: think meant was that the you know, suppression of the grief.
18:18
Speaker 3: So I wasn't I don't think I was really allowing
18:21
Speaker 3: myself the time to agrieve and for process what had happened.
18:25
Speaker 3: I was like, back to work, let's get back to it.
18:27
Speaker 3: And it wasn't until after I'd competed at the Olympic
18:31
Speaker 3: Games and after I'd retired from sport. I think that
18:34
Speaker 3: the loss of my father really hit me. But going
18:38
Speaker 3: back to original question, competing at home championships, and I
18:42
Speaker 3: say this because we're gearing up to Los Angeles twenty
18:45
Speaker 3: twenty eight, so many people here might be listening and
18:48
Speaker 3: being able to witness the experience of a home Olympic Games.
18:52
Speaker 3: There's nothing like it, absolut noth. In London twenty twelve,
18:57
Speaker 3: I was one of the first athletes to compete in
19:00
Speaker 3: track and field, and I remember walking out from the
19:03
Speaker 3: stadium underneath the stadium that day to raptu a s
19:07
Speaker 3: applause of like, you know, one hundred thousand people in
19:09
Speaker 3: the stadium just seeing your your you know, your face
19:12
Speaker 3: and your bib when they see that union Jack.
19:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was just electric.
19:19
Speaker 1: Like that's our girl, and she's gonna take it and
19:21
Speaker 1: we're going to be rotten war no matter what.
19:24
Speaker 3: Slowly know her name, but we're going to be cheering
19:26
Speaker 3: for for the next time.
19:28
Speaker 1: That's so beautiful. So when you did retire, you know,
19:34
Speaker 1: retired from competitive sports, you didn't retire of course, from
19:38
Speaker 1: the life of the athlete and the huge life you
19:41
Speaker 1: have now in fitness. I'm curious, like, what what happened
19:46
Speaker 1: with your grief when you gave yourself that opportunity, you know,
19:51
Speaker 1: to take a breath and reflect upon it.
19:56
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I retired young other than because twenty seven
20:00
Speaker 3: and I finally hun up my spikes and I remember
20:02
Speaker 3: saying to my mum, I'm done. That was the last
20:05
Speaker 3: heptath one that I'm doing. That was the last eight hundred.
20:08
Speaker 3: I don't want to run an eight hundred meters again, and.
20:12
Speaker 1: You never have to again.
20:13
Speaker 3: It's beautiful, but I feel like, knowing me, something will
20:16
Speaker 3: happen and I'll throw myself. Occurring night eighty, being on
20:21
Speaker 3: the start line of an eight hundred meters age forty
20:24
Speaker 3: and not having prepared, it's a thing.
20:26
Speaker 1: So what's your fastest eight hundred and what do you
20:28
Speaker 1: guess you could run it in now?
20:30
Speaker 2: So my fastest was two minutes thirteen seconds, So that's fast.
20:35
Speaker 3: Yeah, So right now, if you think, I think the
20:39
Speaker 3: easiest thing, to compare it to you, because there will
20:40
Speaker 3: be a lot of people probably listening that are thinking
20:43
Speaker 3: about and maybe considering doing a high Rocks. In the
20:45
Speaker 3: high Rocks, that's a thousand meter run. Every single time
20:49
Speaker 3: you do an event, then there's a thousand meter run,
20:51
Speaker 3: and people are looking to run that in four four minutes.
20:54
Speaker 2: That's considered a really good time. So I would have
20:57
Speaker 2: been running.
20:58
Speaker 3: That in about two and it's forty five seconds, so
21:02
Speaker 3: i'd be if I were running at the same pace,
21:04
Speaker 3: i'd be around about a minute fifteen faster than the
21:07
Speaker 3: average person.
21:08
Speaker 1: When I turned forty, I ran a half marathon and
21:12
Speaker 1: I was training for a marathon, but I like injured
21:14
Speaker 1: my knee like during the half marathon, and so I
21:16
Speaker 1: never made it to the marathon. But you know, I
21:19
Speaker 1: was doing that as a goal and then I hurt
21:22
Speaker 1: my knee and then I didn't really run again for
21:25
Speaker 1: like fifteen years. Like I works out in all these
21:27
Speaker 1: other ways, but I stopped being a runner, and then
21:30
Speaker 1: just a couple of years ago, I was walking right
21:33
Speaker 1: right around I guess the time I met you. I
21:35
Speaker 1: was walking by the local high school and it was
21:37
Speaker 1: a nice spring day and there was the track and
21:40
Speaker 1: I thought, I'm just going to go run a mile
21:44
Speaker 1: and I'm going to see if I can do it
21:47
Speaker 1: in less than eleven minutes. And that was my goal.
21:51
Speaker 1: And I did it, but I was like twelve seconds
21:54
Speaker 1: under eleven minutes, and I was so proud of myself.
21:57
Speaker 1: I wept, yeah, because it was hard. That was the
22:01
Speaker 1: race against myself, and it doesn't matter if somebody else
22:03
Speaker 1: can run it in five minutes or six minutes or
22:06
Speaker 1: eight minutes. And I wonder what you think about that.
22:09
Speaker 3: I think, first and foremost, you are an endurance athlete
22:12
Speaker 3: through and through. You know, I didn't read Wild, but
22:16
Speaker 3: I did watch it, Eric, and I watched it about
22:18
Speaker 3: six months ago, and obviously, like I knew your story,
22:23
Speaker 3: and then we obviously had on January our writer's retreat.
22:26
Speaker 2: And so.
22:29
Speaker 3: You know, when you're an endurance athlete, when you think
22:31
Speaker 3: about what that really is, when it boil it down,
22:34
Speaker 3: it's the ability to endure pain. Comfort for a prolonged
22:39
Speaker 3: amount of time. That can mean anything. So you can endure,
22:43
Speaker 3: you shareyl can endure absolutely anything much longer than that
22:48
Speaker 3: average person. So I, as a power athlete, can endure
22:52
Speaker 3: very intense bouts of whatever it be pain and discomfort
22:57
Speaker 3: for a short amount of time, but you can endure
22:59
Speaker 3: for probably years on years on years, and so that
23:03
Speaker 3: kind of like mental dexterity in the way that you're
23:06
Speaker 3: wired doesn't go anywhere. The question is what you're applying
23:10
Speaker 3: it to in your life. So on that day, you're
23:13
Speaker 3: applying it to like a mile, you know, when you
23:16
Speaker 3: were out on the Pacific Coast Trail, you were applying
23:18
Speaker 3: it to like that whole journey, you know, in years
23:24
Speaker 3: of grieving, you know, the loss of your mother. And
23:27
Speaker 3: so I always say when people say, like, oh, you know,
23:30
Speaker 3: they're that slogan of everybody's an athlete, I truly believe it.
23:34
Speaker 3: The question is whether you know what type of athlete
23:37
Speaker 3: you are and whether you can really recognize that in yourself.
23:41
Speaker 3: And once you recognize the fact that you're an athlete,
23:44
Speaker 3: you'll know deep down that there are strengths and weaknesses.
23:47
Speaker 3: You're completely different and completely individual to the person right
23:51
Speaker 3: next to you. So it's pointless comparing yourself. You know,
23:55
Speaker 3: the comparison is the thief of joy. If you're focused
23:57
Speaker 3: on somebody else, then you're not really you know, aligning
24:01
Speaker 3: with the things that make you special and the things
24:03
Speaker 3: that make you strong and the things that make you shine.
24:06
Speaker 3: So you know, you're I think one of those people
24:09
Speaker 3: that has inspired so many so many of us, you know,
24:12
Speaker 3: through your stories and through your life lived experiences. But
24:16
Speaker 3: you are the epitome and a demonstration of a person
24:19
Speaker 3: who has superhuman endurance.
24:23
Speaker 1: Well, thank you. I mean that is true of me,
24:27
Speaker 1: you know, in every way, and it's it's true in
24:30
Speaker 1: my life and in my sports. And I'm curious about
24:34
Speaker 1: I want to ask you as a trainer and coach,
24:37
Speaker 1: like how how you help other athletes do that in themselves,
24:41
Speaker 1: Like that you that they can figure out what kind
24:43
Speaker 1: of athlete they are. But before you answer that, I
24:46
Speaker 1: wanted to know about you because of course, you were
24:49
Speaker 1: one kind of athlete when you were a professional athlete,
24:51
Speaker 1: and now you aren't going out and running the eight hundred,
24:56
Speaker 1: but you are still an incredibly active person. I just
24:58
Speaker 1: recently watched you do as a magazine bench press. I'm
25:02
Speaker 1: your Instagram feed. I love those videos of people doing
25:06
Speaker 1: hard things. So how has how has your idea about
25:11
Speaker 1: what kind of athlete you are changed or has it
25:14
Speaker 1: remained consistent over time?
25:16
Speaker 2: I think it's just.
25:17
Speaker 3: Been consistent, you know, I've never I think having Slagh
25:21
Speaker 3: and having a gym, and having a female community that
25:23
Speaker 3: trains hard, works hard and really cares about one another.
25:30
Speaker 3: Im you know, I've tried to stay as true to
25:33
Speaker 3: my training philosophy as I was when I was an athlete.
25:36
Speaker 3: Why deviate? These are the things that worked for me
25:38
Speaker 3: in the past. So I still do Olympic lifts like cleaned,
25:42
Speaker 3: which are power exercises. I still do bench press. So
25:46
Speaker 3: right now my pursuit is to kind of get as
25:49
Speaker 3: close as I can to my pre retirement best. And
25:52
Speaker 3: my personal best was one hundred and thirty five pounds
25:55
Speaker 3: and I'm currently stuck at one hundred and twenty five
25:58
Speaker 3: in that power bloody.
26:01
Speaker 1: Well, I just want to say, for anyone who isn't
26:04
Speaker 1: you know a weight liter like one hundred and twenty
26:08
Speaker 1: five ventrepress is incredibly good. Like that is very hard,
26:13
Speaker 1: that is very heavy.
26:14
Speaker 2: It's a well done. Thank you.
26:16
Speaker 3: So the crazy thing is it's effectively for a woman.
26:19
Speaker 3: It's like well, as an athlete, I was, you know,
26:23
Speaker 3: my probably competition maate was around about one hundred and
26:25
Speaker 3: twenty five pounds, So if I was lifting one hundred
26:28
Speaker 3: and thirty five, I was lifting myself just in the
26:30
Speaker 3: bench press alone. And now it's the reverse. So my
26:34
Speaker 3: you know, my goal is to be able to forever
26:36
Speaker 3: kind of like list my body weight. So I've got
26:38
Speaker 3: two toys shareyl either get stronger or get lean.
26:42
Speaker 2: That's one or the other.
26:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you've decided to get stronger a.
26:47
Speaker 2: Bit of both. I'm like, bring them to the middle.
26:51
Speaker 2: We'll get there.
27:00
Speaker 1: So let's talk about you know, I mean it when
27:03
Speaker 1: I say I think you're really doing very powerful work
27:09
Speaker 1: with your gem and your podcast, because I think that
27:13
Speaker 1: what you're always telling people, but especially women, is we
27:19
Speaker 1: can be strong. And when we are strong physically, that
27:23
Speaker 1: that that spills over into every other part of our lives.
27:26
Speaker 1: That and it's a really you know, life changing experience
27:30
Speaker 1: to not only believe that you're capable of something, but
27:34
Speaker 1: to then become capable of something absolutely.
27:38
Speaker 3: So you asked me earlier, how do I kind of
27:41
Speaker 3: identify what type of athletes. Someone is whenever somebody walks
27:44
Speaker 3: through the door at sleigh. I think, because I've grown
27:48
Speaker 3: up competing in the heptathlete a hyptathlon, I've already I've
27:52
Speaker 3: competed against the best athletes in the world in every discipline.
27:55
Speaker 3: I've thrown shotput against the best shot put throwers, you know,
27:58
Speaker 3: girls that are sick foot and double the bench press
28:03
Speaker 3: that I can do. I'll run against the best hurdlers
28:06
Speaker 3: in the world with the tightest technique and the fastest speed.
28:09
Speaker 3: And so I'm used to seeing a range of body types,
28:13
Speaker 3: with a range of skill sets and strengths. And so
28:16
Speaker 3: the beautiful thing about slayers, we don't just train one
28:20
Speaker 3: type of body. We train all types of bodies. And
28:23
Speaker 3: the thing I may do as an athlete is basically
28:26
Speaker 3: be like, right, okay, you know, I'm going to train
28:30
Speaker 3: you like the athlete that you are.
28:32
Speaker 2: You know. And I think that what we've.
28:34
Speaker 3: Been told in women's health and fitness is for the
28:38
Speaker 3: longest time, lift lightweights, many reps, and you'll achieve this
28:43
Speaker 3: outcome or this look. And I think, now what we see,
28:46
Speaker 3: we've seen this resurgence. Unfortunately, I think in women's culture,
28:51
Speaker 3: just in culture of an esthetic, which is, you know,
28:56
Speaker 3: let's just say say it out loud, and as it is,
28:58
Speaker 3: we've seen the resurgence of skinny, we'll come back an
29:01
Speaker 3: absolute bang. Since the prevalence and release of GLP one drugs,
29:06
Speaker 3: which I think are an amazing tool for those people
29:09
Speaker 3: who need them, what we're now seeing is the democratization
29:13
Speaker 3: of thinness and that is the biggest threat to women's
29:18
Speaker 3: health in the next ten to twenty years because I
29:22
Speaker 3: think that what it does, and I think that we
29:25
Speaker 3: have to be very very aware of, especially as women
29:28
Speaker 3: who are over the age of thirty five, is the
29:30
Speaker 3: impact and the story that that has for the next
29:33
Speaker 3: generation of women and men. Every woman go into the
29:37
Speaker 3: gym and pick up those weights because there's a protective
29:40
Speaker 3: elopment and you're going to feel so much better for
29:42
Speaker 3: it in twenty thirty years time.
29:44
Speaker 1: You feel incredible when you're doing those things that, like
29:47
Speaker 1: you said, that the Olympians are doing. You're like, Okay,
29:49
Speaker 1: I look like an Olympian for just this one minute.
29:52
Speaker 1: I took a video of myself. I had my personal
29:55
Speaker 1: trader take a video of me doing a deadlift about
29:59
Speaker 1: a month ago, and I posted downe to my Instagram
30:01
Speaker 1: stories and for twenty four hours, like so many people
30:04
Speaker 1: were congratulating me and telling me, you know, like what
30:07
Speaker 1: an absolute champion.
30:08
Speaker 3: I looked like it was kind of fun because it's impensive,
30:11
Speaker 3: and I think there's you know, there's nothing more impressive
30:14
Speaker 3: than taking your body and doing something with it, you know.
30:18
Speaker 3: I think when they're in this era where everyone's just
30:20
Speaker 3: taking pictures of time and content this and content that,
30:24
Speaker 3: but what are we actually doing, Like there's no real
30:27
Speaker 3: accomplishment in injecting yourself to get an aesthetic result. And
30:31
Speaker 3: I'm not saying that from a perspective. There are people
30:33
Speaker 3: out there that need this and they need to be
30:36
Speaker 3: looking at not only just the injections and helpy ones,
30:40
Speaker 3: but they have to be accompanying it with the lifestyle habits.
30:43
Speaker 2: And that's the main thing I think that that really
30:47
Speaker 2: needs to be addressed.
30:49
Speaker 3: We have to in order to create strong women, we
30:51
Speaker 3: have to develop the tools and the systems and the
30:55
Speaker 3: habits that strong women have, and that means getting up
30:58
Speaker 3: every day and committing to something and not being afraid
31:01
Speaker 3: to kind of break out of the mold of what
31:04
Speaker 3: it means to be a strong woman. Like that's physically, mentally,
31:08
Speaker 3: and emotionally, having the strength and the energy to make
31:11
Speaker 3: the decisions that a strong makes, having the agency to
31:14
Speaker 3: tell people no. So there's so many things really that
31:19
Speaker 3: can be said there.
31:20
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, and everything you're saying leads me to share
31:24
Speaker 1: with you this letter I got just popped into my
31:28
Speaker 1: inbox actually in the last week. It's a Deer Sugar letter.
31:33
Speaker 1: And I don't think there is anyone who could better
31:36
Speaker 1: help me answer this letter. Can I read it to you?
31:38
Speaker 2: Absolutely?
31:39
Speaker 1: Okay, Deer Sugar. I've spent the better part of my
31:43
Speaker 1: life at war with my body. I don't remember when
31:46
Speaker 1: it began. I remember being a kid that ran fast
31:49
Speaker 1: and flexed my arms for anyone who would look proud
31:52
Speaker 1: of the simple fact I was strong. Somewhere along the way,
31:56
Speaker 1: I stopped feeling fast and strong and felt like I
31:58
Speaker 1: needed to hide my body. Since then, there have been
32:01
Speaker 1: reinforcements on the battlefield, a miscarriage, the biggest betrayal of
32:05
Speaker 1: my body. I yet to be cured. STI that a
32:08
Speaker 1: lying partner neglected to tell me about betrayal that settled
32:13
Speaker 1: not just in my heart but in my skin. There's
32:16
Speaker 1: a part of me that knows I don't fit the
32:18
Speaker 1: story I tell myself. I wear as I small. I've
32:21
Speaker 1: run two marathons, over a dozen half marathons, and one
32:24
Speaker 1: half iron Man. I've spent a lifetime in motion, but
32:27
Speaker 1: I'm always the slowest of the pack. I've had many
32:30
Speaker 1: people comment, how are you so slow when you train
32:33
Speaker 1: as much as you do, or more painfully, your body
32:36
Speaker 1: doesn't match your activity level. My body has carried me
32:40
Speaker 1: through thousands of miles of hiking. It carried my daughter
32:43
Speaker 1: into this world. For a brief window during my pregnancy,
32:46
Speaker 1: and just after I felt something unfamiliar and steady. Pride
32:50
Speaker 1: awe even, but it faded and the war resumed. I
32:53
Speaker 1: look back at photos of myself at one hundred and
32:56
Speaker 1: twenty pounds, at a time when I starved and punished,
32:58
Speaker 1: my body convinced I too much. Now I see a small,
33:02
Speaker 1: beautiful woman. I know, in some distant and logical way
33:06
Speaker 1: that one day I will look back at this version
33:08
Speaker 1: of myself and feel the same grief for what I
33:10
Speaker 1: couldn't see. But how do I see it now? We're
33:13
Speaker 1: living in a world that feels relentless about shrinking ourselves.
33:16
Speaker 1: Weight loss drugs endless before and afters algorithms that seem
33:19
Speaker 1: to know exactly where to press. I can feel myself
33:22
Speaker 1: being pulled under by it. I've been a long time
33:25
Speaker 1: admirer and have read Tiny Beautiful Things every January this year.
33:30
Speaker 1: I couldn't shake the moment when you wrote about your daughter,
33:33
Speaker 1: hearing you calling yourself a big, fat, ugly beast who
33:37
Speaker 1: looks terrible and everything. I have a daughter now. She
33:41
Speaker 1: runs around after her bath, naked and gleeful. She shows
33:44
Speaker 1: us her belly when she's eaten a lot of food.
33:47
Speaker 1: My niece is not much older, insists. I watch every
33:50
Speaker 1: cartwheel spin, every small triumph their bodies can do. They're
33:54
Speaker 1: so at home inside themselves, so certain of their worth.
33:57
Speaker 1: When do we lose that? I've been listening to your
34:01
Speaker 1: new podcast, hearing women talk about the epic and difficult
34:04
Speaker 1: things their bodies have carried them through. I listen and
34:07
Speaker 1: think I've done hard things too. My body has done
34:11
Speaker 1: hard things, and still it isn't enough to make me
34:14
Speaker 1: love it. How do I make peace with the body
34:18
Speaker 1: I don't trust myself to see clearly? How do I
34:21
Speaker 1: stop this war before my daughter learns how to fight it?
34:24
Speaker 2: Too?
34:25
Speaker 1: Warmly? Signed the War within that is a letter.
34:29
Speaker 2: Huh awful powerful, powerful words.
34:33
Speaker 1: Yeah.
34:33
Speaker 2: Where to start?
34:35
Speaker 1: I think it's a lot. Yeah, where to start? What
34:39
Speaker 1: do you think, Louis?
34:41
Speaker 3: I think you know, the themes that came up there
34:45
Speaker 3: were self trust. I think that and self trust to
34:50
Speaker 3: me is you know, the ability to make decisions for
34:53
Speaker 3: yourself therefore drown out the expectations of the external. So
35:00
Speaker 3: I think there's a you know, definitely first and foremost,
35:02
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm like, this is freaking wonderful that your
35:06
Speaker 3: body has have been amazing, has been able to create
35:09
Speaker 3: and achieve so many things and so many things that
35:12
Speaker 3: you now value as being like just the amazing things
35:16
Speaker 3: in your life, like your daughter and being able to.
35:18
Speaker 2: Put yourself through half marathons and marathons. What an achievement.
35:22
Speaker 3: And so I think the key is to come back
35:24
Speaker 3: to the self and you know, back to that young
35:27
Speaker 3: girl who flexed her muscles and believes she was fast
35:31
Speaker 3: because the external validation of somebody telling you, like, why
35:35
Speaker 3: are you slow when you trained so much?
35:37
Speaker 2: Who gives her? Who cares? Who are you training for?
35:42
Speaker 3: And I think that that really is the biggest question,
35:45
Speaker 3: who are you doing this for? Because inevitably like, I
35:48
Speaker 3: think it's great that there's this sense of responsibility of
35:52
Speaker 3: not wanting to imprint the same kind of patterns and
35:56
Speaker 3: habits onto the next generation. That's the sign of wonderful mother,
36:00
Speaker 3: a mother who is aware, and mother who is dedicated
36:04
Speaker 3: and wants to do the best for her child, who
36:07
Speaker 3: doesn't want that. I don't think we start out mistrusting
36:10
Speaker 3: ourselves or mistrusting our bodies. I think that habit that
36:14
Speaker 3: gets installed, you know, over time, through habits like comparing
36:20
Speaker 3: yourself to images on the internet, allowing your algorithm to
36:25
Speaker 3: feed you images that you feel are triggering or cause
36:27
Speaker 3: you to want to change and shift to the focus.
36:30
Speaker 3: Because the focus from the sounds of the letter is
36:33
Speaker 3: like is very much an external one because internally it
36:38
Speaker 3: sounds to me like this is a person who knows
36:41
Speaker 3: that they're a bad ass, that they've achieved makings, but
36:44
Speaker 3: actually what's happened is they've gotten misaligned with their own
36:47
Speaker 3: values and their own value system, especially if you're calling
36:51
Speaker 3: yourself these negative you know, having these negative thoughts and
36:54
Speaker 3: perhaps calling yourself negative names. How do you cultivate like
36:59
Speaker 3: a fam in terms of like how do you interact
37:01
Speaker 3: with others you know, one of the some of the
37:04
Speaker 3: girls recently in the gym is just saying, I'm sick
37:06
Speaker 3: of everybody talking about the facelifts that they want, absorbing
37:11
Speaker 3: this energy farm and really just thinking about just aligning
37:15
Speaker 3: yourself with the things that are right, in getting right
37:17
Speaker 3: with your value system.
37:19
Speaker 1: You know, I think the war within. I love that
37:21
Speaker 1: she signs it that she feels like she's in this war.
37:24
Speaker 1: And the image that that often comes to mind when
37:27
Speaker 1: I find myself in such a struggle is like, it's
37:29
Speaker 1: almost like, you know, you're at this in this tug
37:31
Speaker 1: of war, right. It's the it's the culture that is
37:34
Speaker 1: saying what we value is how fast you are, or
37:38
Speaker 1: how thin you look, or what you know, how beautiful
37:40
Speaker 1: you are, and and you you know, the way to
37:43
Speaker 1: end that war is to drop the rope and then
37:47
Speaker 1: there's no more tug, because like, this thing that that
37:50
Speaker 1: this dear, brilliant woman is fighting against is something that
37:54
Speaker 1: she doesn't even believe in. She rejects those values. She
37:57
Speaker 1: quotes me, you know in this column that I I wrote,
38:01
Speaker 1: where I did. I tried to model for my daughter
38:04
Speaker 1: a positive body image, and I avoided the subject of
38:07
Speaker 1: weight and everything. And yet what I also realized is like,
38:10
Speaker 1: and this is true for you and me and the
38:12
Speaker 1: woman who wrote this letter, is it's not our fault, Okay, Like,
38:15
Speaker 1: we didn't make this story up. We were born into
38:18
Speaker 1: this story about women and beauty and women's bodies and thinness.
38:22
Speaker 1: And you know, for any of us to sort of
38:24
Speaker 1: take the blame for that or carry the burden of
38:27
Speaker 1: that is just absolutely false and wrong. We were And
38:31
Speaker 1: so what our job is is to say, like, I
38:34
Speaker 1: see that story out there, I see that war I'm
38:36
Speaker 1: supposed to be fighting, and I refuse. I am going
38:40
Speaker 1: to write a new story. And that's what I did,
38:42
Speaker 1: you know, myself is to say to my daughter the
38:47
Speaker 1: truth is, yeah, the culture often makes me feel bad,
38:51
Speaker 1: and we're going to try really hard. I'm going to
38:54
Speaker 1: try really hard to not engage with that and to
38:58
Speaker 1: do exactly Louise, what you who have you know, stated
39:01
Speaker 1: so eloquently many times in our conversation is to embody
39:05
Speaker 1: my life by valuing what my body can do and
39:09
Speaker 1: has done, the hard things, the beautiful things, the joyful things,
39:13
Speaker 1: the loving things, and place my value in that rather
39:16
Speaker 1: than what it.
39:17
Speaker 3: Looks like one hundred percent and think of all the
39:19
Speaker 3: things it's yet to do. If we shift up you
39:22
Speaker 3: know when you're feeling it, and it can be very
39:24
Speaker 3: hard because you know these things are imminent, and ultimately
39:29
Speaker 3: this bears down in the moment, and what we're looking for,
39:33
Speaker 3: I think is is reliefs, and that relief can come
39:35
Speaker 3: from what is my body yet to accomplish? What are
39:40
Speaker 3: the things I have yet to achieve? What the what
39:43
Speaker 3: the experiences I want to share with my daughter that
39:46
Speaker 3: I haven't yet shown her. And so I think when
39:49
Speaker 3: you when you get really bogged down in the moment,
39:52
Speaker 3: think about, actually, what there is the possibility right now
39:55
Speaker 3: for where you are, your opportunities that are available to you,
39:59
Speaker 3: the time that you have, and direct that focus into
40:03
Speaker 3: the positive and into the future.
40:05
Speaker 1: You it's beautiful. And I think too, you know that
40:09
Speaker 1: that happens, not like you don't. It's not like all
40:13
Speaker 1: at once. What happens is day by day, just like
40:16
Speaker 1: any practice or any healing or any journey we need
40:20
Speaker 1: to take. It's like we need to be making that
40:22
Speaker 1: same decision consistently, day after day after day, and pretty
40:26
Speaker 1: soon you look up and you realize, yeah, I'm not
40:28
Speaker 1: at war anymore because I stopped fighting. I'm fighting other
40:31
Speaker 1: more important battles. And it looks to me an awful
40:35
Speaker 1: lot about that ordinary act of healing, essentially, which is
40:40
Speaker 1: I think what so many of us have had to do.
40:42
Speaker 1: Had Did you, Louise, ever struggle with this kind of
40:47
Speaker 1: thing with body image, you know? Or were you always
40:50
Speaker 1: like listen, I'm just celebrating the champion that I am.
40:53
Speaker 1: Have you ever struggled with this yourself? No? Not.
40:57
Speaker 3: During my track and field career, I was just purely
41:01
Speaker 3: on how fast I could cross that finish line.
41:04
Speaker 2: However, you know, I had a.
41:06
Speaker 3: Humongous run in with our head of head of our
41:10
Speaker 3: director of track and field, who said to me once
41:13
Speaker 3: I remember it very clearly. I was at a training
41:16
Speaker 3: camp in Portugal and he said to me, you're overweight.
41:20
Speaker 3: And was on a bench and I was mid high
41:22
Speaker 3: jump session, so high jump's already like not my best event,
41:26
Speaker 3: and he's like, you're overweight, and I was like, I
41:29
Speaker 3: beg your pardon. And I said to him, he's a
41:31
Speaker 3: grown man. And I said to him, I'm like, what
41:35
Speaker 3: do you mean I'm overweight? He's like, you're carrying too
41:37
Speaker 3: much fat. And I was like, first and foremost I'm like,
41:40
Speaker 3: you don't know. I literally said this to him, and
41:43
Speaker 3: I love that I have a voice and I'm not
41:45
Speaker 3: afraid to use it. I said in first and foremost,
41:47
Speaker 3: you don't know where I am in my cycle. You
41:51
Speaker 3: don't know what my training phase is. And more importantly,
41:54
Speaker 3: I've seen you had two desserts every night for the
41:56
Speaker 3: past two weeks, and.
41:58
Speaker 2: I got up in.
42:01
Speaker 3: But you know, in looking back, I've definitely had to
42:04
Speaker 3: advocate for myself because as a sportswoman, you are you know,
42:09
Speaker 3: we're running around in obviously like very little, very little attire,
42:15
Speaker 3: so people are paying attention and they you know, from
42:17
Speaker 3: his perspective, he wanted me to be better. But this,
42:20
Speaker 3: to me was a complete overstep of the line. And
42:24
Speaker 3: this was a conversation that I feel he should have
42:26
Speaker 3: been having with my coach. He should have sat down
42:29
Speaker 3: with my coach and said, have you considered perhaps bringing
42:33
Speaker 3: Louise to the nutritionist? Have you considered more support if
42:36
Speaker 3: you feel if he felt like I needed it. And
42:38
Speaker 3: I remember a week later after the camp, we were
42:42
Speaker 3: at a hurdle's race in Lufborough and I remember coming
42:46
Speaker 3: out of those blocks so strong, and I was up
42:50
Speaker 3: against an excellent hurdler, and I had beat her to
42:53
Speaker 3: the first hurdle because of this additional muscle that I had,
42:57
Speaker 3: because of the additional strength that I had. So yes,
43:00
Speaker 3: I was I weighed more, I looked different than he'd
43:03
Speaker 3: ever seen me, but I was a stronger version of
43:05
Speaker 3: the athlete he'd seen in the past. So I was
43:09
Speaker 3: fortunate to not not be getting in my head about
43:12
Speaker 3: what I look like. I was thinking about, Yeah, if
43:16
Speaker 3: i'm you're going to find out, You're going to find
43:18
Speaker 3: out about this strength. And so I think that, you know,
43:22
Speaker 3: I've never had to battle too hard, but I have,
43:27
Speaker 3: you know, I would say that the voices of like
43:31
Speaker 3: body negativity have definitely crept him, and more importantly, like
43:36
Speaker 3: I know what it is to feel like your body's
43:38
Speaker 3: betraying you. You know, Eric and I my husband, absolute
43:41
Speaker 3: God love him, we've experienced two miscarriages in recent times,
43:47
Speaker 3: and so I've been through the kind of challenge of
43:50
Speaker 3: your body changing because it's preparing for this new stage
43:53
Speaker 3: and this new phase of life, and then dealing with
43:57
Speaker 3: the not being able to bring that life to fruition
43:59
Speaker 3: and just being left now with a body that's like, well,
44:02
Speaker 3: what am I going to do with this, you know,
44:06
Speaker 3: for me, it's like there's a there's definitely new experiences
44:11
Speaker 3: that I'm having to work through every single day as
44:14
Speaker 3: I get to know my body in this later stage
44:16
Speaker 3: of life.
44:28
Speaker 1: It sounds to me like whether it be grieving your
44:31
Speaker 1: father or grieving these miscarriagters, I know you've also lost
44:35
Speaker 1: your mother. Since since then, athletics have been that place
44:41
Speaker 1: you go to when you're healing.
44:43
Speaker 3: It really is my outlet, Sheryl, It really is. I
44:46
Speaker 3: think that, you know, I think that having that is
44:50
Speaker 3: the thing that enables me to pull through. It's almost
44:52
Speaker 3: like a rope, you know, when you're in water and
44:54
Speaker 3: then there's this guiding rope to lead you to the
44:56
Speaker 3: other side. That's what the gym has represented to me
45:00
Speaker 3: so more than anything, irrespective of how I'm feeling about
45:04
Speaker 3: my body, how I'm feeling about the loss of my parents.
45:07
Speaker 3: I lost my mother in two thousand and one after
45:10
Speaker 3: the pandemic, and again she was only.
45:11
Speaker 1: Sixteen, twenty twenty one, right.
45:13
Speaker 3: Yes, twenty twenty one.
45:17
Speaker 2: You know, I knew that lose.
45:19
Speaker 3: I had this feeling very very close to before she passed,
45:23
Speaker 3: and I didn't know that she was going to pass.
45:24
Speaker 3: So that was again another shock. But I knew that
45:27
Speaker 3: losing both of my parents would be part of my
45:30
Speaker 3: journey losing my parents, and I could kind of see.
45:33
Speaker 2: That the writing was on the wall.
45:35
Speaker 3: I didn't know when it was going to come, and so,
45:39
Speaker 3: but this weird thing is the second time round losing
45:41
Speaker 3: my mother. And I don't think there's anything more painful
45:45
Speaker 3: than losing a mother, because you feel the untethered the world.
45:50
Speaker 3: And I remember saying to my friend, I feel like
45:52
Speaker 3: an orphan. And what I mean by that is before
45:57
Speaker 3: like athletics and track and the gym was very grand,
46:00
Speaker 3: and I remember for a time I felt like I
46:02
Speaker 3: was just floating through the air. And so I'm being
46:05
Speaker 3: able to come back to an environment and to the gym,
46:08
Speaker 3: and I remember I knew I had to get my
46:11
Speaker 3: back in the gym as soon as possible. It's like
46:13
Speaker 3: hitting a hurdle. You have to get back up to
46:15
Speaker 3: get back on as quickly as you can, otherwise you'll
46:18
Speaker 3: just float around in the ether forever. And I remember,
46:22
Speaker 3: and this sounds really extreme, my mom passed on the Friday,
46:26
Speaker 3: and I couldn't travel back home to the UK because
46:29
Speaker 3: it was during the pandemic, and I was back working
46:33
Speaker 3: in the gym on the on the Monday, and do
46:37
Speaker 3: are you okay? Like you take some time off. I'm like,
46:40
Speaker 3: I actually don't. I don't need to take the time off.
46:43
Speaker 3: I need to see you guys. I need to go
46:47
Speaker 3: through this with people in this shared experience. Whereas with
46:50
Speaker 3: my father, I really closed myself off. Whereas with my mother,
46:54
Speaker 3: I let people poor love into me. And I wouldn't
46:58
Speaker 3: have been able to get through it had it not
46:59
Speaker 3: been for our community at Slay, our community of women,
47:02
Speaker 3: the empathy, the chicken soup that people were bringing, and
47:07
Speaker 3: that was a completely different, different experience. And you know,
47:11
Speaker 3: to live that twice, you know, I guess I was
47:15
Speaker 3: thirty six and I'd lost both of my parents, and
47:18
Speaker 3: so to live that at such a young age to now,
47:21
Speaker 3: I was in a place where I'm like, I'm completely guideless, right,
47:25
Speaker 3: So not you know, I'm also in a place where
47:28
Speaker 3: I have so many amazing guides and I get to
47:32
Speaker 3: guide people as well. And so having that groundedness in
47:37
Speaker 3: the gym, and I guess that mental fortitude and the
47:41
Speaker 3: mental resilience that you build every single day just through
47:44
Speaker 3: exercise was definitely the thing that got me through.
47:49
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean when I reflect, I find that myself too.
47:54
Speaker 1: Almost always I have turned to the physical in my healing. Know,
48:00
Speaker 1: I just am such a believer in that.
48:03
Speaker 2: Why do you think that is? Why do you think?
48:05
Speaker 1: Why? I think for me, it's you know, I just
48:10
Speaker 1: really believe that that the body is a great teacher.
48:13
Speaker 1: And when I you know you said earlier, I'm in
48:17
Speaker 1: I'm good at enduring painful things for a long time.
48:20
Speaker 1: And that's really true for me as an athlete. I
48:23
Speaker 1: was always a shit sprinter, but I was I'm a
48:25
Speaker 1: pretty good long distance runner in school. I was in
48:28
Speaker 1: cross country and track. I ran, you know, the longer distances,
48:32
Speaker 1: and it's I am slow, but I can always keep going.
48:35
Speaker 1: And even when I say that sentence out loud to you,
48:38
Speaker 1: and of course my hike on the Pacific chrestrail tells
48:40
Speaker 1: you this too, I know that that's not just about
48:44
Speaker 1: my physical capacity. It's about my psychological, emotional, spiritual capacity
48:51
Speaker 1: to live through very painful and hard things. And even
48:54
Speaker 1: when I think to myself, I'm in so much pain,
48:57
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm going to be able to survive this,
49:00
Speaker 1: I know that that's a lie, yes, And part of
49:04
Speaker 1: it is that my body has taught me over and
49:07
Speaker 1: over again, so like I turned to it to say,
49:10
Speaker 1: remind me, remind me, you know, as I try to
49:13
Speaker 1: bear this impossible weight, that I can bear this impossible weight.
49:18
Speaker 3: Which is why I think the practice of waking up
49:21
Speaker 3: every single morning and doing something that feels hard physically
49:25
Speaker 3: is so so important, because inevitably life is going to life.
49:29
Speaker 2: We're all gonna, you.
49:30
Speaker 3: Know, we're a to hit a rock in the road
49:32
Speaker 3: at some point, and those kind of like mental reps
49:37
Speaker 3: really prepare you for the when the emotional gets gets
49:41
Speaker 3: really rough.
49:44
Speaker 1: Louise, you are a wise and beautiful soul, and I'm
49:48
Speaker 1: so glad that we had this opportunity to have this conversation.
49:52
Speaker 1: There's like so much more to know and hear from you,
49:55
Speaker 1: and I just want to encourage everyone just like, listen
49:57
Speaker 1: to your podcast, go to your gym if you're in LA,
50:00
Speaker 1: and find your way to Dear Louis Hazel, because dear
50:03
Speaker 1: you are extraordinary.
50:05
Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
50:06
Speaker 3: Show such an honor to be able to share these
50:08
Speaker 3: conversations and also about time with one another.
50:11
Speaker 2: I can't wait to see you again.
50:13
Speaker 1: Meet too we'll see you sometime soon. Thank you, thank you,
50:18
Speaker 1: thanks so much for listening. If you'd like to send
50:20
Speaker 1: me a letter seeking advice, please email it to me
50:23
Speaker 1: at Dear Dear Sugar at gmail dot com. And don't
50:26
Speaker 1: forget to rate, review and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts,
50:30
Speaker 1: Happy trails and I'll see you next week. Mine Over
50:34
Speaker 1: Mountain with Cheryl Strade is an iHeart women's sports production
50:37
Speaker 1: produced by Britney Brown and Rodney Brown of Barbara Jean Productions.
50:42
Speaker 1: Supervising producer is Kaylin West at REALM. Associate producer Amaya Brathwaite.
50:48
Speaker 1: Our executive producers are Molly Barton, Jerry Carita Grace Views
50:52
Speaker 1: and Jesse Katz. Our theme song is composed by Gramoscope Music.
50:57
Speaker 1: Don't forget to rate, review and subtribe wherever you get
51:01
Speaker 1: your podcasts, Happy trails, and I'll see you next week.