Latest / The Rochelle Christiane Podcast / 204. Being Embodied in Your Feminine

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204. Being Embodied in Your Feminine · The Rochelle Christiane Podcast

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Emotional Mastery Podcast.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: I am your host, rochelle.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: I'm a holistic human design health coach and this is a space for human design and spiritual journey.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: It's not about being a master of your emotions, rather mastering the tools to self-regulate, to awakening yourself and remembering who you are.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Human design changed my life about five years ago and I've been learning and teaching the system ever since.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: This podcast is human design meets spirituality, meets astrology.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: You don't have to have a belief system to be here, just an open mind and curiosity.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: This is a journey of meeting yourself and awakening to your infinite potential.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Now let the magic begin.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of the Emotional Mastery Podcast.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: I have so much to say and I'm going to try and keep it condensed within this intro, but this week I talked to Mary McMonigle.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Mary is an intuitive healer and feminine energy coach with a passion for guiding high-achieving women toward breaking free from their own limitations and fully embracing their true essence.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: As a founder of True Vibe, a compelling spiritual lifestyle brand, mary is wholeheartedly devoted to helping individuals unlock their true essence.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: As a founder of True Vibe, a compelling spiritual lifestyle brand, mary is wholeheartedly devoted to helping individuals unlock their true potential.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: She stands out as an influential figure in the realm of intuition and feminine energy coaching.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: She is the host of the Living your True Vibe podcast.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Through her podcast, she inspires countless individuals to embrace their true essence and live authentically.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: And one of Mary's greatest strengths lies in her ability to effortlessly guide her clients from a state of overthinking to a place of heartfelt clarity, allowing them to attract secure relationships and achieving significant growth in their business and personal lives.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: And in Mary's spare time you can find her surfing at the Jersey Shore or walking her dog.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: And this podcast, this episode, is really great.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: We really dive into the feminine energy, the differences between the feminine, masculine, how we can show up in our feminine, the dynamics of the masculine does.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: And in our society, in our culture, we are taught to honor and value the masculine over the feminine.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: Showing up in business, showing up in life, and this very masculine do-it energy is very different than the more sort of softer, receptive, surrendered feminine energy.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: And so, because we're taught to value this more masculine energy, we have sort of disconnected from the feminine.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: And the feminine is so beautiful in its own way and the feminine is here to receive, the feminine is here to surrender, the feminine is here to communicate.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: The feminine is here to feel and I think that's where, especially in relationships, that disconnect can come is because the feminine is here to feel.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: And I think that's where, especially in relationships, that disconnect can come is because the feminine is here to feel and we are here to express that.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: And we're here to witness life through our feelings.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: We're here to witness this human experience through our emotions, which we're all here to witness.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: You know, to have this human experience and a big part of the human experience is the emotional experience.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: No-transcript, of course, the masculine wants to do, wants to fix, and that's just part of the dynamic.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: But really connecting with that energy within yourself, within your business, can be really helpful.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: And, yeah, we really really dive into that dynamic in this podcast episode.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: We talk about, yeah, connecting with your feminine, understanding who you are, integrating the head and the heart.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: We talk about people pleasing.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: One thing that Mary talks about is the sliding scale of your self-confidence and checking in with yourself, and one question that I love, that I always use, is like who do I need to be right now in order to achieve the thing, in order to be the successful business owner, in order to call in the relationship, and I think everything is a mirror for us.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: So if we're wanting something that we're not willing to show up as if we're wanting something that we're not willing to embody, we're not calling in, we're not embodying the energy, we're not calling the energy into our system and then attracting it outside of ourselves.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: And I share a lot about my dating on here on Instagram.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: I think that's part of my process.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: I am a very deep person, I'm a very emotional person, I have struggled in relationship, and so my whole process of healing is in relationship, and so I share that for any listeners who may be going through the same thing, to know that it's normal, to know that you're not alone, to know that it's possible and I just try and be as open about that.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: And I have talked about my current dating situation over the last, you know, six or so months on here, and it feels like it's coming to a close, which in itself is really hard to say, because there's a part of me that's like, but no wait, I always want to leave the door open, and that is me not being in my worth, that's me not stepping up and being in my worth, and I feel like I learn a lot through every single situation and every single person that I date.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: It's always a mirror and I feel like every person becomes safer and I can be more myself in every dynamic.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: And so I really value every single relationship that I engage in, whether it's two weeks or three months or a year or six months, whatever it is because I always learn something about myself.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: I always learn where I'm still not healed.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: I always learn, you know, obviously, where I have to heal things that come up.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: I'm always reflecting, and I think what I learned out of this situation is the importance of communicating and having some of the hard conversations in the beginning, and I'd say I didn't have the hard conversations in the beginning, but the things that I'm now struggling with were things that I saw from the beginning and I think, as a woman, is this feminine energy is I can't remember why I heard it and agree or not but it's like women believe what they hear and then men not believe what they see, but men are attracted to what they see, right?
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: I can't remember exactly what the quote was and I do think because women are more empathetic, women are more emotional, tend to be.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: It's not a blanket statement, but just tend to be that we're more connected with the intuitive sort of nurturing side, and I think a lot of women try to fix people and that's something we talked about.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: This episode is showing up in a relationship and not trying to fix believing what you see, believing what you hear and that's something we talked about.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: This episode is showing up in a relationship and not trying to fix.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: Believing what you see, believing what you hear, and if your words and your actions don't align, there's only so many times you can tell me the same thing that I'm going to be like okay, nothing's going to change.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: And I think, paying attention to those signs early on and I know for myself because there was a lot there is a lot that I do value in this individual.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: There is a lot of I don't want to say potential because I it may be that maybe I did, maybe I did stay or maybe I did ignore some of those things for the potential of who I know that this person could be and I think, with an open G center, I'm very much attuned to people's you know purpose and and who they are and I think I can forgive a lot because I feel you deeply, and especially when I do let somebody and I don't often I don't let that many people in that when I do I know that there's a connection there deeper than just superficial, and so it's really hard for me sometimes to let those go.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: But it's painful, doesn't make it any easier.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: And also I also feel empowered in you, know my self worth and valuing myself, and know what I want.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: And I think for a couple months there there was this, this period I was going through.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: I was just like Am I just self sabotaging and am I going to walk away from something that could be something amazing?
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: And it could be something amazing.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: And I do believe if it's going to be something amazing, it will happen, and me going through what I'm going through now isn't going to be the end of it, if it's meant to be.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: And also, like there are 7 billion people on this planet, there's no way that this would be it Right.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: But I think, like through everything, learning to value yourself and learning to show up and I just posted a reel on Instagram too about that Like if you, I think we so often don't actually know what we want, so it's hard to show up and ask for what we want if we don't actually know what it is, and the universe will continue to bring you contrast until you figure that out.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: And so I think it's just getting really clear and every time I get really clear.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: And you know, sometimes it is like hard to have those conversations at the beginning of dating, but I think it's important to, because it weeds people out, it sets the stage, it sets the standard and just with boundaries you have to stick to them and that sometimes can be really hard to do, especially if you're a people pleaser.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: But really being clear about what you want and sticking to that Because, like we talked about in this episode, there are healthy, healed masculine energies out there that will meet the feminine and you know it's the work of both to be embodied, to be in your body, embodied in that energy.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: And so this podcast episode is just perfect for kind of what I've been cycling through and I hope that you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed it.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: And thank you, mary, so much for sharing your wisdom and being on this episode.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: You can find her on Instagram at MaryMC4.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: It'll be linked down below.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: You can find me on Instagram at Rochelle Christian.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: That's R-O-C-H-E-L-E, dot C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N-E.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: I actually made an Instagram page for the podcast this weekend.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: It's emotional underscore mastery underscore podcast.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: You can find that.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: I'll link it in the show notes as well.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: You can find that it'll be.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: I'll link it in the show notes as well.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: You can find follow there.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: That's strictly going to be for the podcast.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: And then my page is a mixture of podcasts spiritual human design, all the things, sessions, things like that.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: But, um, holistic human design academy is open until july 1st for the next round so you can sign up and really find and learn the depths of who you are.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: Connect with that through human design, through astrology, attachment style something we talked about in this episode.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: The gene keys Really get intimate with yourself in a really powerful way.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: And I just love this program for the depth that it offers.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: Because if you listen to this, if you follow me on Instagram, you know that I'm a deep person and I try and give as much as I can, and so I've put so much into this program.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: I'm obsessed, and so you can click on the link in the show notes and join.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: That's a nine-week program, so join there, follow me on Instagram, all the things.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: If you value this podcast, share it with a friend rate.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: Review subscribe Spotify you just click those five stars.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being here and I will catch you next week.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Emotional Mastery Podcast.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: Today I have Mary McMoneagle, who is an intuitive healer, feminine energy coach, podcast host and founder of spiritual lifestyle brand True Vibe, and I'm really excited to dig into this conversation.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: I think, just in my own journey, embodying the feminine has been just like a huge process and it's felt really empowering and I think it's a topic that's really important for a lot of female entrepreneurs or just the feminine in general, right, because we're so conditioned out of operating from that space.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: But I'm going to start.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to hand the floor to you for you to just sort of tell everybody know, tell everybody who you are, where you're from, you know, every anything.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: That's sort of like your story, pivot along the way that's gotten to, to where you're at today, and then we could take it from there.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I am in New Jersey and there's currently snow on the ground, but I live at the beach, so it's this beautiful it's.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: It's kind of a mind mind blow Like it blows my mind of seeing snow on the beach.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: But how I got to where I'm at right now, in this moment, is actually a big piece of that is through my entrepreneurial journey.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: When I was in this place where I was hustling and trying to act like I had everything all together and on the outside I seem like this happy, go lucky, everything's amazing woman, and on the inside I was dry like a desert because I was trying to push everything down, push my emotions, how I was really feeling, and I didn't.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: I was so afraid of being perceived not in a way where oh Mary doesn't have it all together.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: I was so afraid of what people would say or think.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: So I was putting other people's needs above my own.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: And it got to.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: I got to a place where I was super burnout and and and my business was suffering and eventually I needed to do something about that.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: And I got to this place where I recognized okay, I what I was.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: I took in that moment, I took radical responsibility.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: What about my life is a direct reflection of me, of me on the inside, because I'm a firm believer in energy and the vibrational frequency that we're vibrating at is what we're going to attract externally.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: And so where I was taking radical responsibility was okay.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: I need to start to own who I am, and I was scared.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: I was scared to really dive in, and but then that opened up this journey of understanding who I am and understanding energies and connecting with your feminine energy.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: And then that changed everything for me.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I saw something you had said on Instagram and it was.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: It was like you would rather be hated for who you are than like for who you're not, and that like really like hit strong because I think it's like you talk about, like radical responsibility, and it's such a radical thing, I think, to be coming from that space, you know, and I think we're always going to attract the right people when we're coming from our true authenticity.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: And I remind myself of that daily because I think we're just so deeply conditioned out of being that person.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: We're people pleasers, we're XYZ from just having to step into a certain role as a woman and especially an entrepreneur, and it's so easy to just like I don't know to want to be liked, you know, and I always remind myself like just as I navigate through my day.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: It's like just being who I am is always the right decision in like any situation.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: But it took me years to get there because I'm 100% like a recovering people pleaser.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: I mean I still like fall into that sometimes when I feel anxious, or, you know, I'm just like ah pleaser.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: I mean, I still like fall into that sometimes when I feel anxious, or, you know, I'm just like ah.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: And then I have to like, fight myself, but how do you go from like to really like step in and embody that, that energy?
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: So, uh, and I love to dive into even the people pleaser, but I think talking about bonding the energy will will help shift that.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: So, first off, what is, what does it truly mean to be in your feminine energy?
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: And because someone listening might be wondering that, and uh, so every human being on this earth has both masculine energy, which is being in our head it's the logic, uh, it's the taking action and then every human on this earth has feminine energy, which is being in our heart, which is, uh, being in flow, connecting to our intuition.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: And the way that I have studied and based my principles on these, uh, energy principles goes back to evolutionary psychology and how that's ingrained and and how we've evolved as humans.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: So it's important to kind of understand where these terms come from, because I feel like there's so much out there, and so I'm a big believer that we need we all have both energies and we need both to operate.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: I am a, I'm a go-getter If you're listening to this, you're an entrepreneur.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: We got a lot of shit on our plate and so we need that masculine to take action.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: And for so long I was afraid to surrender and soften in my feminine energy because I thought that meant just taking bubble baths, having a rest day, getting my nails done, all these super girly things is what I perceived as feminine energy.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: And when I realized, oh, actually, feminine energy is embodiment, and in which you mentioned already, rochelle, that that word embodiment, which means being in your body, getting out of your head and into your heart, so really beginning to recognize okay, head, I love.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: I've been in my head for a while.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: I'm going to step into my heart and explore that.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: And then what is so important is to integrate both, because we do need our head and we need our heart, and when you can work them in energetic alignment together, it's really beautiful.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: But the piece is first we have to tap into that feminine energy and that embodiment.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: And feminine energy is a way of being One of the things that I say masculine energy is doing and the feminine energy is being.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: So when you're in your feminine energy, it's not because you're taking bubble baths, you're resting, you are getting your nails done.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: That's not feminine energy.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: Feminine energy is when you're tapped into your confidence.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: You're tapped into your purpose.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: You are.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: You're making those scary decisions where everybody's going right and you're going left, but you're owning that.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: You recognize the fear but you're like, oh, this fear is exciting.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: That you recognize the fear but you're like, ooh, this fear is exciting.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: So that is, uh, really, where I believe strongly in, in getting into that embodiment pieces, being so comfortable and confident and and allowing yourself to to own that?
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: So it sounds like the disconnect for most women, or the feminine, is that we just have a misconception of what the feminine is.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: So yeah.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: I have someone that I know and it's funny because, like you said, I mean I think like I'm a single mom and I work and then entrepreneur, so all the things that I'm constantly making decisions and I'm constantly taking action, so I feel so masculine most of the time.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: But I have one friend.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: She's like you're the most feminine girl, like person that I know.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: And it's so funny because I don't feel like that half the time.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: But it could be just like you said, like being in my body, being in my heart, making decisions, having that sort of confidence that, like I never used to have, um, is maybe just the difference in that perception of my energy.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: That's so well said.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: Yes, because it, and that's where we get to uh, be in this beautiful place of of yin and yang feminine and that masculine energy is because you, especially being a single mom and you know you are taking on a lot of roles and responsibilities and being an entrepreneur and someone listening to this, you know you, I'm sure you have a lot of responsibilities as well, and exactly how Rochelle put it where, when you are connecting with your heart and you're able to really drop in in that sense, and it becomes a place where you're so in tune with your body.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: So one of the things that you've already mentioned is is people pleasing.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: I used to be the biggest people pleaser, the biggest so much where my body would be screaming at me.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: Why are you doing this?
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: Why are you doing this?
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: And a lot of times that can come in the form of anxiety, that can come in the form of you are just feeling so tired, so shut off, and that's because our body speaks to us, our body's trying to get our attention and our awareness.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: So a beautiful piece is when you connect with your feminine energy, you feel that within your body and then you can use your head to make those logical decisions of hey, actually my body doesn't, this doesn't feel good for me, right, where you're communicating, you're taking those steps.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: But I love that you mentioned that, because when you are heart led, when you're leading with your heart and, uh, I like to say being grounded and supported in our masculine energy, it feels.
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: It feels so freeing because you really are connected to yourself and you trust that your body has the answers and you have all of that power within yourself.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: And do you have any practical tools, maybe that specifically worked for you?
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: I know it's worked for me to sort of get to that space and out of the mind and the body.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I would just be curious what, if there's anything specific that sort of helped you guide you there?
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh yeah.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: So really specifically, it's being able to.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: For me, it's been being able to be in a vibration of gratitude for myself.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: I think oftentimes, especially as entrepreneurs, we're so trying to put all the puzzle pieces together and we're trying to figure everything out, and it's I'm a big believer in simple practices is really inviting in gratitude into your day and reminding yourself, being your own hype person, what are you thankful for?
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: And even just an example for me this morning, when I was walking my dog, I'm working on a really big project right now in my business and the fear of, oh my gosh, what if I?
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: What if this doesn't go as planned.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: And I brought myself to that space and I said, mary, can you still love yourself the way that you love yourself right now?
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: Well, can you love yourself the way?
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: Imagine if it did work out and you know you're loving yourself, you're saying you're worthy and you're amazing.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: Can you still love yourself that same way and believe you're worthy even if it doesn't go that way?
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: And I was like, oh my God, of course.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: And then I started to shift my mindset and say yeah, because I'll be thankful.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: I learned all these new things that I didn't know and I like it just opened up the floodgates of wow, I'm actually a really fucking awesome person and I'm really grateful that I will still feel worthy, even if I quote unquote fail.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: Which failure is just to me?
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: Okay, it didn't go out to me, it didn't go as planned, as as I thought, but that's never a failure.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, definitely a tip that I feel called to share is where can you be your own hype person and start to really, really let your heart speak to you about what it is that you are so thankful for about yourself in your day to day?
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that I had written down like self-acceptance, because I think that that piece of like you said like being your hype person and just like accepting yourself as you are in every way Right, and I think I come back to that too, where I'm like okay, so, even if this person perceives me as this way, or even if, like I, like you said, like you launched something and it's like it fails or whatever, it's like I'm still worthy for being, because I am and we're just going to figure that out and like move forward.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: And I think we have like a complete like fear of failure and like that's what I tell my kids.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: I'm like you only fail if you quit, you know what I mean.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: Like you're always learning a lesson and figuring out a new way, and like pivoting and shifting, and yeah, I think so that that's really, really powerful.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: I was having a conversation with a man recently and he was saying something about like he's a very confident individual and I had pointed it out and he was like, well, if I don't like love myself like this, or if I don't have this confidence, like then who will you know?
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: And I was like whoa, and it's so easy for like men to say that and embody that.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: But yet we have this like weird thing as a woman where it's like if we are that confident, we're seen as you know whatever the label is that you know you want to throw onto it like a confident woman, and it's just an interesting dynamic that, yeah, it's just like I don't know.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: It feels like men are like allowed to be like that, but then women have just this huge shadow around it.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I feel like with that and it's it's so true, I feel like it comes.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: It's a lot easier for men to tap into that because naturally in this and this is just my view, I guess, based off of evolutionary psychology because men, the way that they were created and the way that their body and their mind, the chemicals that work in their body, function, is they are meant to be in the strong presence and be, uh, this, this structure, almost that, okay, this force, right, men, men, masculine energy is the, the is the provider and the protector and keeping safe.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: Um, so I think definitely that's a good point for them.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: It is a little bit easier to tap into that and I think for women, oftentimes at least I know for myself I didn't want to come across.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: Oh, who does she think she is?
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: She just acts like she's all that and good enough.
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: And this is why it's so beautiful to shift into the heart space, because I can, I can say something and if I know my intentions, if I know it's coming from my heart in a good place, and someone takes it the wrong way, that has nothing to do with me and I don't need to take that on and no way will I take that on?
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: Because, uh, that's a big piece of also being in your feminine energy is letting go, letting go of control.
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: So to truly tap into that confidence is to understand.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: Well, here you are on a way of being which is vibration.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: So what is your intention behind, behind this?
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: Is it coming from a place of love?
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: Uh, am I sharing this because I care?
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: Or, um, am I wanting to because?
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: Am I?
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: Am I wanting to identify as confident?
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: Because I know, for me personally, I identify as a confident woman because then it expands permission for others to step into their confidence.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: And how great is it when you can see someone who is just being themselves and you can tell they're lit up and having joy and having fun, and it's like, oh, I want, I want a slice of that.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: So, uh, yeah, I guess that's kind of like where I tie this into this confidence.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that Intention is everything right.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: And I think, like you said, as long as you're coming with the right intention and from the right space.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: I question that all the time when I'm making a decision and I'm on the fence or I don't know, and that's when, like what, yeah, what is the intention behind this?
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Like, why do I want to do this?
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Is this ego-based?
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: Is this heart-based?
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: You know, and really asking those questions to be able to like, step into that fully, because then, when you know it's heart-based, you can again like, I think, going back to that authenticity piece, you can't go wrong, regardless of how anybody outside of you perceives it, because it's your truth, it's not theirs.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, and that's when you step into owning your authenticity.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: And to me, owning authenticity is kind of already what I've gotten at, of loving yourself through the highs and through the lows because on this entrepreneurial journey things aren't always going to go as planned and it's really about being able to really love yourself and believe that you are worthy, just, and finding those reasons why I'm.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: I am low key against mantras.
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: Mantras, I believe, are helpful when you get to doing identity work and tapping into your subconscious mind.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: But if you haven't been doing healing work and processes to let shit go, that's holding you back, then it's just going to.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: It's just going to work for a little bit and die off.
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: But if you're going to do mantras and try to tap into that identity of someone who is worthy, find the why and that's where we get to.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: That's where I like to infuse the head and the heart, because the heart is like I am worthy.
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: And then ask yourself well, why?
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: When me, when I'm fully tapped into my worthiness, I'm having fun.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: So that means I'm out walking my dog, I am having adventure into my life.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: When I'm feeling fully expanded in my worthiness, that means I'm surfing, I'm like super present in my day, and then, for me, expanding into my worthiness is really being in this place of complete joy, just being in this space where, okay, how can I find gratitude in this moment?
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: So, when you're on trying to really unlock, okay, and your worthiness and and and growing that muscle, okay, I'm worthy.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: And then, and finding that reason within yourself of why yeah, I love that.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: I was definitely that person that would like write affirmations all day but wasn't doing the subconscious work Right and I would be like, why isn't it working?
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: Like yeah.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: But once I started actually really doing that, that like deep subconscious work, that like shifts everything Right and like now I try and use those.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: I am like affirmations, just as like in conversation or like whatever, right Cause it's like then I can really step into.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: I think it's that, it is that self-worth piece, like I actually feel worthy of those things, as opposed to before.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: I was like I mean, I think there's a place to it, like even if you like fake it till you make it right, but like you have to be doing that other work, like you said, in order to like actually believe it and like step into that energy.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: Yes, and I love that you brought up fake it till you make it, cause that's one of the things that I say.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: I don't believe in big and big and I believe it.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: Be it until you become it Start being okay.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: Oh, if I am going to make this decision in my business or in my relationship, who do I need to be to do that and how can I step into that?
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: So, if you're going to be someone who is, is speaking her truth, who is not afraid to be seen, then that is how you, that is what you want to start to work on, to then be it and and that takes practice and but naturally, over time, then you will become that.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: I that's probably one of my favorite questions Like who do I need to be now to embody that version of myself that I'm manifesting or working towards?
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: It's a really beautiful question and it really shifts your energy pretty quickly.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: I feel like yeah.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it definitely does, and it makes it so much simpler because I know I used to try to portray that version, who was confident, who had it all together, and that just led me deep down to hiding and suppressing my emotions.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: But when you are working on being that version, you are more comfortable with everything that is happening in your life and you're not trying to hide it because you're saying, hey, this is all me.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: Like you said, rochelle goes back to that self-acceptance piece that you have chosen yourself, like your guy friend that you mentioned.
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: Like, who's going to love me if I don't love me?
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: You have to choose yourself first.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: If your clients are going to choose you if I work with a lot of clients on relationships if a partner is going to choose you, you have to choose yourself.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: And there's always going to be areas to grow.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: Uh, right now I'm really growing.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: I'm I've done a lot of healing work around letting go of a lot of shame and guilt from relationships in the past and now I'm really working on choosing, uh, growing my belief system that I'm not ashamed now of what I want.
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: I was allowed.
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: I was letting my shame from my past pulled me back from really truly admitting what it is that I want, because I had shame around saying, hey, I want this.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: I was afraid to own that, but that shame was pulling me back, so I've let that go.
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: Now I'm really working on hey, this is exactly what I want and, uh, I'm so, I believe in it so much and I'm not afraid to, uh, I'm not afraid to to talk about it and say, um, and and let things go that aren't in alignment with that, uh, in regards to relationships.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: So it's, it's always a process, uh, but it's.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: It's such a beautiful process when you really get to, uh, start to start to just own that authenticity, start to, yeah, accept, hey, this is, this is me.
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: And from a place where you're always working on yourself right Cause, we can get to acceptance, um, where you might you know, if you're listening to this, your parents might be like, well, this is just how I am, I'm not changing now, and that's not self-acceptance.
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: Self-acceptance is willing to really be honest with yourself and have a growth mindset of working.
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'm not perfect, I want to grow, because if we're not growing, then we're staying stuck and we're staying stagnant, but from a place that is is empowering to you, yeah, I was gonna say curiosity.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: I think that's a huge part of that self-acceptance of like, why am I, why am I doing this or what you know?
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: Just like asking yourself questions in order to grow Right and not just being like so fixed and like you know, this is who I am, um, but I did want to like kind of touch on a relationship, so you sort of like started that a little bit, just in the feminine and masculine dynamics, but also like to what you were saying too.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: Um, I have been single for quite a while, been single for six years, like doing the whole dating thing and just like, like what you had said in the beginning, it was so much of that A, when I was embodying that people pleasing energy.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: It was like what do you want?
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: You know, instead of asking myself like, do I even like this person?
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: Right, and and I think that's something a lot of us, you know, kind of like can fall into but being clear about what I want, like I've I've made lists right, so it's something I can reference back.
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: But I think it's challenging but also so empowering when I can come forward and be like hey, this is what I need in a relationship or this is what I need from you.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: And there may be a little bit of the fear of rejection or whatever, because I think those run really deep, but also having that self-worth to be like, okay, well, you're not going to meet this standard, so it's just not going to work and that's okay, right.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: And I think it's a belief that something else better or something is beyond that Right.
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes we see what's in front of us and we're like, well, you know, I'm not going to find anything else, so there's nothing to be better than this.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: And it's just like having that belief I guess has been just completely helpful in in navigating that.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: It's so true.
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: Having that belief and then I'll add onto that because, uh, a big, a lot of the work that I've done on myself and that I do with clients is cause I want to and I'll share this tip with your, with your listeners is understanding.
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: Your attachment style is huge, where we have our four, four main attachment styles, which are avoidant.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: You tend to avoid situations.
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: Anxious, where you know that's we all know anxious and anxiety, and then you're fearful, which is a little bit of both, and essentially you want to be insecure.
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: And my own personal belief is we're always going to be fluctuating, right, or we're never going to fully a hundred percent.
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: We get to secure we're never going to stay 100.
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: We get to secure we're never going to stay there because life is life.
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: So, uh, I'm someone where I am I.
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: My past pattern is avoidant.
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: I am I if I'm like, oh, this person, it doesn't have what I want, bye, and because I was trying to, uh, I had a lot of, I had to work through a lot of not being afraid to get close to people, because I had a tendency to push those emotions down, so it was challenging for me to open up and express those emotions.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: So, essentially, the root of that was, instead of of taking the time, to really even just invest time, because when you are putting yourself out there and you are dating, you are going to have to invest your time and energy.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: And I was so afraid to get getting close to someone or getting hurt or, like you said, rochelle, like rejection, oh right, fair projection, and so I would just avoid, avoid, avoid, nope, and I'm sure maybe you're listening.
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: You have those friends who are like oh, how are they single?
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: How are you?
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: How are you single?
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: You're so great.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: And I have one friend in particular where she, you know, people tell her her standards are too high and she's like, well, that's what I want, and I can tell from there is a place of a little bit of avoidance.
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: Um, not, and it's important to have your standards and have them.
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: So for me, my standards were so high but I was avoiding them.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: And when I got to say, okay, my standards, I want a man who is emotionally available, well, mary, are you emotionally available?
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: Start working on that.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: And one of the things that I've, you know, I've all own right now, in this moment, like I said, I've, I've worked around, I had a lot of shame for wanting um, a man who was an entrepreneur, who was in his purpose, who, um, has a strong faith with God.
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: And I it took me a while to start to own that because I had work to do on myself first.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: So, and it's almost like when we think, oh, I want to be in a relationship because I'll be loved and it'll feel really good, we have to give that with ourself first.
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: So I'm like saying, hey, I want all these things.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: How can I tap more into that potential?
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: How can I, as an entrepreneur, show up even more bold, more bold and confident in that, to then attract that frequency?
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: Um.
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: And then also same thing, like I'm working on getting closer into my faith and getting closer to God and um, really being able to express that, and so, yeah, it's definitely uh, I'm going to kind of end my tangent here, but it's definitely important to know what you want, but ask and understand your attachment style, because you might be the opposite, where you might be anxious, where you're like, oh, that's first, let's go, I love you, you're amazing and be heartbroken when it doesn't work out in a couple weeks.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: So, that's it's, that's, that's key for sure.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, attachment style has something that has completely, like, shifted my perspective.
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: I'm a fearful avoidant, so I've noticed I tend to choose dismissive men because that activates my, my anxious side.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: But then if there's a man that's like super available and like all these things are, like you know, really showing up, then I'm like, ah, I don't know what to do with this.
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: Like I need, I need a break, right, um, but I think just having the awareness of that has been so helpful where I can be like, okay, rochelle, this is like, this is your pattern, you know.
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: And then going back to what you know, what the things that I do want, and I'm like, am I getting this?
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: Am I receiving this?
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: Am I being respected?
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: All these things.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: And I think it's like you know, you talked about that authenticity piece when it comes to, like making decisions in your business, and it's no different than relationships, right, and I think there's sometimes we have a disconnect between the two, but like energetically, they're really the same.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: Love and money, right, like it's all the same energy.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: And when I really dove into and peel back the layers of like what my common theme was in both, it's exactly the same thing you know, and so when you're working on one, I think you're able to work on the other Um but, yeah, I've noticed like in relationships.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: It's funny Cause, like I said, I feel I've always felt like super masculine, having to make decisions very dominant, and I used to like carry that over into my relationships and, of course, there was so much friction because I didn't actually want to be a masculine force in my relationships and I've gotten men that are like you're so dominant, like you're always controlling these things and I'm like but I don't want to be, and so, like recently I've really it's been a surrendering and like.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: I think the key for me was like I have to trust the man.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: With any relationship, you have to trust your partner, um, but like now that I feel safe and like trust people like you know, finding that out in the beginning is important and then, when you can, now I feel like it's so.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: Like one recent person that I have been like dating, I actually really love how feminine I feel, right, like he can just take the lead and I don't have to control the situation.
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: I don't have any sort of shadow.
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: I'm like oh, I can just sit here and let you do it all you know or like, but energetically.
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: It's such a nice place to be and I didn't realize that I was craving that until I allowed it.
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: Yes, I love that you brought that up because I think so many of us and I was right there where I used to and this was all ego.
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: I used to thrive being like, oh, I'm the one in control, and like I would even pay for dates, which is insane of me to think about it's not like, oh, I'm, I'm, you know, I'm empowered, I don't need a man.
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: And to me, this is my personal beliefs and opinion.
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: That's not the mentality that I wanted to be in.
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: And you hit the nail on the head, rochelle, because naturally and again this goes back to the way that women and our bodies have been built we crave to be led, we crave to surrender, um, and it is this beautiful process where you do get to soften and, um, you hit the nail on the head too with that trust piece and because, again, kind of holding the mirror back up to yourself, it's like, okay, well, one, it's being able to learn to trust a man.
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: But how comfortable are you with trusting yourself?
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: And one of the I use a lot of scaling questions when I work with clients, because if I'm going to ask you, oh, do you trust yourself?
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: Yes or no?
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: Of course you're like yeah, or you might be like and that's not going to get you anywhere.
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: So you know, a tip, if you're listening, is just in this moment, for right now, on a scale of one to 10, 10 being I fully freaking trust myself, like let's go, and one being I don't trust myself at all.
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: Five being somewhere in between.
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: Where do you fall?
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: Just for today?
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: Because?
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: And just focus on today, one step at a time.
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: So maybe you're at a five.
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: So where would you like to be at by the end of the day?
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: Head to pillow.
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: I would like to be at a seven.
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: Okay Well, how can you work on trusting yourself today?
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: Oh well, I said I was going to go to the gym, so I'll go to the gym.
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: Boom.
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: And when you build that trust within yourself, then that's that's truly the surrender, because you're not only taking action but you're getting to see how that feels in your body and you're saying, wow, I'm someone who trusts myself.
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: So then you get to go into a relationship and and build that trust with the person that you're getting to know, or your partner, and yeah, and then letting them, letting the man lead, that is just the most.
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: It's to me, it's the most magical, beautiful thing, because I really believe most women in lead.
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: Uh, that is just the most.
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: It's the.
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: To me, it's the most magical, beautiful thing because I really believe most women and deep deep down somewhere in our body, because it is, it is bodily functions and how our brains and hormones work that we really do feel called to be led and, um, and a big piece of that is really, yeah, allowing a man to lead and, um, of letting go of that control Cause, like you said, rochelle, you're, you're a business owner, you know, listening to this, we're business owners, we do have to lead and make a lot of decisions, uh, and within our business, and and and, being that masculine energy, but that that dynamic doesn't work, um, in a relationship and and and maybe in, in, if you're, I should say this if you're desiring a relationship where, yeah, you have a man who is your protector, the provider, um, then if you're trying to bring in all this control, then that that dynamic is not going to work because, over time, your masculine, your man who's in his health, healthy, masculine, is going to start to resent you and he's not going to work because, over time, your masculine, your man who's in his health, healthy, masculine, is going to start to resent you and he's not going to feel good.
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: So, um, yeah, I could go on and on about.
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so much of what you just said like I love.
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: I mean I think you know it's interesting.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: You talk about like paying for things.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: I used to be like that too.
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: I was like I don't need you to pay for anything.
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: That's not what this is about.
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: But there is a part of the masculine that does want to be the provider and I think that difference between just like the confidence it's like I, I like I think I felt confident and empowered by like I can do this, I can pay for it, you don't have to do this, but it's so much.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: It's not about the money.
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: It's about your ability to show up and actually care for me and tend to me and take care of me.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: Like we don't need to go to a five-star restaurant.
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: You can take me to the place across the street.
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: That's going to be like a $30 meal, but it's not that the money isn't the point.
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: I had to really read like program and be like this is okay.
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: Like he wants to pay, let him pay.
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: Like I don't have to be in control.
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: You know, I love that and I love the like sliding scale.
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: That's like a new one to me.
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: I hadn't.
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: I hadn't like use that before, but I think I'm definitely use that because every every situation we're showing up in, we show up a little bit differently, right, of course we're human and I think there are.
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: We might wake up and be super confident and then something in a relationship triggers us and it comes.
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: We come back down to that one.
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: It's like how can I get back to that place?
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: And and I think you know, sort of back to what you had said earlier about like the embodiment and just like coming into your heart.
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: It's a constant process of that Right, and like asking yourself the right questions moment to moment, because it's not like I wake up and I'm a 10 all day.
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: I mean, there might be some days that I'm like that, right, but there are situations that activate you in different ways.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: So I think that's a beautiful practice too, um, but, yeah, no, I love, I love this, the whole like relationship dynamics.
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: I love to like understand that and play with it because, like I know for myself, I've been in, you know, my past has been in really really challenging relationships where it's been, like you know, narcissistic, abusive, and I think there was a part of me that felt like that was masculine, because I felt masculine that in order to like be more masculine than me, you have to tell me what to do and put me in my you know what I mean, and that was like such a skewed view of like what that dynamic was, and so obviously I've healed that and I'm still in the process of it's not like an overnight thing.
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, for sure, that idea has been really powerful of like what that masculine actually is.
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: Yes, oh.
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: I love that you bring that up because it's so true and I think a lot of women we we recognize.
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: Okay, to attract a masculine man, I have to be in my feminine and.
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: But a lot of times women get stuck with the narcissist because, yeah, they're very controlling and it's like, well, he's taking the lead and there's definitely that unhealthy masculine.
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: And when you look at the mirror and put it up back on yourself cause I'm a big, I say this with my clients is where can you hold up the mirror for yourself?
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: Um, because if you are too, I call it the damsel in distress.
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: When you're in your unhealed feminine energy, meaning you're wounded feminine call it the damsel in distress.
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: When you're in your unhealed feminine energy, meaning you're wounded feminine, you're a damsel in distress because you're expecting someone to come and save you and a masculine man doesn't want anybody to save.
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: He's not got time for that.
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: So that's how I see a lot of women attract these narcissists because you know he's the knight in shining armor in their eyes, because their energy is like save me, save me.
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: And he comes in and and hooks them and then you know the, then the narcissistic behavior is happening and you're so it's.
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: It takes such a mental toll on you no-transcript, okay Starting to think what would feel really good for you.
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: Um, and something else I feel called to share too on this topic is is the emotions piece, because I had to work on that so much because, um, I used to attract such emotionally unavailable men because I was unemotional, emotionally unavailable, and then when I'm like, oh, I'm so vulnerable and open and I just feel so good and that was kind of on the extreme side of the feminine and I would attract all these men who were were too feminine and they're too much in their feminine energy, meaning that they were uh putting all their emotional baggage onto me and I'm like, oh, here I'm, healer, the coach, I'll fix it for you.
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: Um, so it's a big, a big part.
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: I feel called to say you know, cause it's all about emotions.
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: Emotional mastery is is when you are uh, working on your emotions.
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: It's it's not also putting those expectations on on your partner, but it is important to have that healthy balance, to have someone, a man, who is emotionally available.
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: Emotionally available because, uh, a big piece of how I teach the women I work with to communicate is to communicate from a feminine way.
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: So if you need to set a boundary in your relationship about something, um, coming, coming in a feminine way, saying, hey, partner, when, uh, when you said, when this was said to me, that didn't feel good in my body, or uh, I asked you to to do the dishes and it's been three days and it feels.
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: It feels really discomforting to me.
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: So you're leading with your feelings and, uh, a man who is healthy with his emotions will will recognize that.
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: Where the narcissist will throw that back at you and the opposite end, where you have a man who's too emotional, is that's they're just going to be unpacking their emotions on you as well.
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: So you do need that, that healthy balance.
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: Hopefully that made sense.
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it absolutely, and I think, like that was going to be a question I was going to bring up was around boundaries, um, but I, literally just last night, had this conversation with a man too, or it was like when I, when you like, I feel this way, I feel, you know, unappreciated or whatever, when you do this.
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: But you know, coming from that space of like, this is how I feel.
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: It's not like projecting or being like you did this and now I, and the difference between, yes, the narcissist, my exes, would have been like, well, you're throwing it back at you or gaslighting you or whatever.
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: And this man was just like, oh, I can see how you would feel like that.
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: That wasn't my intention.
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: In the past, I almost never would have brought things up like that because I felt like I was wrong for having feelings, or I knew it was going to be thrown back at me, or I played the victim so much where I was just like, oh well, it's just the way it's going to be, you know.
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: And so you know, showing up and being like, hey, this is how I feel in those situations, Cause that's what I was going to say Like how do you?
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: How do you like with emotions and the feminine energy and like relationships and showing up, because my I have, you know, I do have some trauma.
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: So I think there's been this chaotic aspect to relationships, right, where it's like I have um, I don't know when I start have feelings I just get like crazy, right, like not crazy, but like I could get really, really chaotic.
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: Where it's like I feel like I have to know and and I do think that a man who is embodying his masculine is available to make you feel not confused, right, who is open to have the conversations.
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: But also it's the internal work, like you said, like it's always.
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: I always view it as a mirror.
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: It's like what is the showing about me?
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: Where is this, you know like, where am I maybe not showing up fully or where am I not like communicating?
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: You know, I think that there's always that two way piece to it, but but yeah, the boundaries I feel like has been huge.
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: Where it's like we can communicate things in a feminine way, but if and however it's received on the other side, right, it's like when it's actually not honored or when there's no action with it, then we have to like be firm with our boundaries and I think that can sometimes be challenging.
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, because kind of like what I hear in that is, there's going to be that repercussion and as there should be, and, uh, boundaries, which I'll get into, boundaries, uh, and the way that I I'm big on teaching boundaries, cause for the longest time I was a doormat, oh, no, me too, yeah.
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: And the biggest thing is one no one can, no one is in your head, so we can't assume that people know our boundaries and because I think a lot and this was me a lot of times well, they should know that.
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: And no one knows what's going on in your head.
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: And the second biggest thing is is speak it up, because if you're not voicing what you're feeling and that's what's so beautiful about being in your feminine dream, like you gave that beautiful example, rochelle, of like, hey, I'm feeling unappreciated, um, when, if you don't voice that up, you're just going to push that down and it's and it's not going to feel good.
• 52:51
  Speaker 2: And an important piece to when you're getting ready to to speak up about how you're feeling is take, take as long as you need to really be in tune with how you're feeling, cause I know in, I've been on all spectrums where, in the moment, I would lash out, that would be, I would freak out, or okay.
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: Then I'm like, let me, I would push it down and then, uh, eventually it would.
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: I would just try to like, put it, put it away and not do anything about it.
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: So, take, take a moment, take us, take not I don't want to say it to you as long as you need, but take at least, uh, enough time to understand how you're feeling.
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: So maybe, uh, because this is a practice is maybe you're not able to express that in the moment, but later in the day it finally clicks for you.
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: Oh, you know.
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: That's why, when he said that, I didn't feel good about that and then voice it, but because oftentimes I think too, with like men, men tend to like they want to get to the solve the problem quickly, and a lot of times a man will be like tell me what's wrong, tell me what's wrong, and all you have to do is communicate what's wrong.
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: And all you have to do communicate if you're not sure is just say, hey, um, hey, partner, I, I that that did that didn't feel good in my body, that that didn't feel good.
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: I'm not necessarily sure right now.
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: Let me just.
• 54:17
  Speaker 2: Let me just have a moment to settle in and to see what's coming up, and then we can discuss this, because it's important that you're, when you, when you are getting triggered with your emotions, that okay, you get to a neutral place before you're discussing it and then setting a boundary because, yeah, then it goes into the boundary where you're saying that didn't feel good for me and uh, I, I, I won't accept that, I won't accept you talking to me this way.
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: Um, an example of this uh, I was talking about this with a friend.
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: Uh, like a year ago I went golfing with this man and at the golf golf course where I used to work at years ago, and we're getting ready to tee off and he's like he I forget what he said, but it was just didn't know, my whole body shook and cause I was talking to a guy, I was talking to the one of the guys who worked there and cause he later told me, well, he like got jealous or whatever that I was talking to that guy, but he, the way that he communicated to me, I felt so disrespected.
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: So it took me about until like full three and I was just very silent and quiet and I then I spoke up and said you know that didn't feel good and I will not tolerate being talked to in that manner and if, if that happens again, I'm, I'm not going to continue this, this golf of four more hours to go.
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: And so it did happen and I had to implement that consequence.
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: I said, okay, bring me back to the clubhouse, I'm done, I'm not playing, um, I'm not continuing on anymore, because a big time is a lot of women.
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: We get scared when it comes time to act on those consequences and the consequences, hey, you setting your boundary, you owning your worth, that this is not how I'm going to be talked to and treated, um, and yeah, so that's, that's a very, very, very big on boundaries yeah, and how do you like, do you have any tools to like sticking to your boundaries?
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: Cause I think a lot of times that can get really like wishy-washy or we're like, oh well, you know, we're like you know, when they try and explain it away and we're like, uh, you know.
• 56:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a practice, it definitely is a practice and and it's a muscle to grow into.
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: Um, I guess some of the tips that I'll share, well, one, I think a lot of women we don't even know what our boundaries are, and sometimes we don't know what they are until they're crossed, and that doesn't feel good in the moment and uh.
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: So a tip is as soon as you figure out that you can't say and you know you might be in your head thinking a lot about it, this doesn't feel good the tip is to then then take the necessary action, which you need to either have a conversation We'll always have a conversation um, and, and speak up for yourself.
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: Speak up, so definitely.
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: Um, one is starting to identify what your boundaries are, and another tip that goes into that, if you're like, well, I don't want to wait till my boundaries are crossed to then identify them, is to recognize what your non-negotiables are and and ask yourself why.
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: Why is this a non-negotiable?
• 57:32
  Speaker 2: Because sometimes we can put up too many boundaries, which is having too many walls, especially in relationships.
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: I used to be like, oh, my boundary is I don't want a man who plays video games and are like a list, and I'm like, well, why, why?
• 57:51
  Speaker 2: And he goes oh, don't take attention away from me, or et cetera, et cetera.
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: So I think it's one important to ask yourself what your non-negotiables are, but why, and feel strong in that.
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: Because if you're not feeling strong in the why, then of course, when it comes time to set some boundaries, then if you're not strong in your why, you're not going to act on it in the moment.
• 58:15
  Speaker 2: So, definitely being able to one have some grace when your boundaries are crossed.
• 58:21
  Speaker 2: Even me myself, if I journey on in this game of life and something that's unknown, that's never happened to me before, and I go, oh, that's never happened, okay, that's definitely a boundary now, and then acting on that and voicing it in the moment, or, if you don't have that opportunity, then taking that lesson and using that to apply it, moving forward.
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: But definitely look at, yeah, what are your non-negotiables?
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: And pull up some past experiences where you're like, oh, I should have set a boundary, I could have set a boundary there.
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: And one last tip I'll share too.
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: With boundaries, I feel called to share because I know someone listening to this as well.
• 59:06
  Speaker 2: You know, I want to set a boundary with a friend.
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: I have a friend who used to call me and whenever, whenever she would call me, she would just emotionally dump on me, like in the moment it'd be like hey, how are you Mary?
• 59:20
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm good, blah, blah, okay.
• 59:22
  Speaker 2: And then it's all on her and like emotionally dumping and it would throw my body for a loop, cause I, you know, I'm thinking, oh, so-and-so's calling me and we'll catch up, yeah, sure, and like I'm not in the space to to hold space for that right now.
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: So, um, had to set a boundary, but I think a lot of people are afraid because it's like, well, this friend knows me as this way, okay, so what people change?
• 59:46
  Speaker 2: Um, so start implementing them now, because even and especially in your business, maybe you need to set a boundary with clients, and it's a great way to communicate your boundaries is is to um, to own them, is to say, okay, you know, moving forward, this is what, how the process is going to be, um, and and sticking to that.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 2: So, uh, yeah, I wanted to add in that last tip that you can start today.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 2: You don't and you don't have to come out with this big whole message of I'm starting to boundaries.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: This is my thing, and the biggest thing to look out for, too, is if people don't like your boundaries, then they shouldn't be in your life.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: They should, or you should, be.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 2: Our time and our energy is our most valuable asset.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 2: We can't get it back.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 2: So if someone's going to give you a challenging time about that, then you invest less than them.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 2: It's.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 2: It's like if you're going to invest money in the stock market, then you don't, you stop.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 2: If that person's just taking, taking, taking, then you're not getting an ROI.
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 2: Then you start to pull back your, your um, your time and your energy that you're giving Um and you put that on other people who do respect your boundaries, Cause also other people.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 2: When you set those boundaries, I'd be like oh my God, thank you, mary for communicating that and setting that boundary.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: Like that's a good reminder that I need to do that myself.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, no, I love that.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: I feel like, especially on like social media.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: I really had to set boundaries around because I do like human design and astrology coaching and I think a lot of people will just like DM you and ask for interpretations of their chart or they'll send you their chart.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: You know, and I used to like want to answer it all and I love doing that, but now it's like I have to set that boundary of like if you actually want a session, you have to book a session.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: Like I'm happy to help guide you in the direction.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: But like my energy too is like you know, I'm I'm showing up for something specific and, um, you know, I think just to like expectations, like I journal all the time.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: I make so many lists, so at least it gives me something tangible to reference back to if I'm feeling confused or like unstable in the moment, right, like breathe, then I can go back and look at my list or like, or or just journaling it out and asking myself those questions, right, and seeing it all out in front of me.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: I think I recommend it to everybody.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: I'm like just journal, make lists, like and I know some people are resistant to it, but I really think it is so helpful in being able to uphold your boundaries and be like okay.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: And then the final piece of what you said just like you know what so much of this podcast about in our conversation is like being in your body.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: If something doesn't feel right, like it's so easy so so many times for us to excuse it or ignore it or numb it, and it's like no, your body is telling you something and it may take you three holes right To to neutralize that and like come back and be able to communicate it.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: But it's really important that you do and that you listen to it, because when we're not, we're abandoning, abandoning our body, and then every every time it tries to speak to us from there on, you know, then it's we're questioning it and we're just not trusting it.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: And so I think that's huge piece to um you really integrating that.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and I love that.
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: What you said about writing that down and cause.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: That way you really do it.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 2: You're 10, you're, it's tangible and you understand.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 2: Okay, these are my boundaries and, uh, boundaries are a way that are going to really allow you to be more, be more authentic.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: Right, we talked about the beginning of this.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 2: So to authenticity and if you're saying yes when you want to say no, that's not authenticity.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 2: If you're not speaking up when you want to and you want to set a boundary, so cause.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 2: I also like to add in reframes as well, because I think when we're starting to practice boundary setting, it can be scary.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 2: In those reframes of okay, at least for me, I'm like Mary, you're lying to yourself, you're not being authentic.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: Um, definitely, definitely helps along the process.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: This has been so much fun.
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: I think these, oh this, it's been like a really great conversation.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: I think it's going to help you know all the listeners when can they find you, how can they work with you.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: If you want to let them know all the things, and if there's just any last piece of advice or a tip or tool or anything that we didn't touch on that you really want to let them know as well.
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: Oh, thank you.
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this was such a good conversation.
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 2: I energy is just so shit like, oh, we're all friends here, yeah, whether you're listening, we're all just chatting, um, which is so beautiful and um, yeah, so, if you uh really enjoyed this conversation, come connect with me on instagram, my instagram's at marymc4 uh and dm me quiz.
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: I have a free quiz and it's called are you leading with your masculine or your feminine energy?
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 2: And I love this quiz because, uh, you, you can take it and if you're leading with, it says, if you're leading with your masculine, it'll share, okay, how this is benefiting you and then also ways that you can improve.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: And then, uh, step into a balanced place and then, same thing, maybe you get your leading with your feminine and it'll share, okay, how that's benefiting you, but also the ways that you can integrate more of that masculine energy.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 2: So, if you are curious about that DME quiz, it's free and, yeah, I'm just so grateful for you having me on your amazing show.
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 2: This was such a good conversation.
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much.