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Chivalry Making a Comeback — How Safety in Men Can Attract the Best Women · The Diva Details

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Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details.
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Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real, and powerful.
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No filters, no limits. Just fearless conversations to help you thrive.
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Let's dive in with Diva Mia.
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Well, hello, this is Diva Mia. And today I'm going to talk to you a little bit
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about feeling safe with a man.
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And I think the reason why women want to feel safe with a man is because it
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changes the whole relationship.
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Now, we talked a little bit about having a man that makes you feel respected,
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that gives you the attention you need and also gives you security.
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And safety is a huge part of that security. I think people talk a lot about
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toxic masculinity, but masculinity is not toxic.
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When a man can make a woman feel safe, she can relax.
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I can tell you as a single mother that when a man makes me feel safe, everything changes.
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When you sleep next to a man that makes you feel safe, you will have the best sleep in the world.
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When you're around a man that makes you feel safe, your nervous system can calm down.
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Because we as women are constantly on guard. We're constantly looking to protect
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ourselves. It is a it's kind of a crazy world out there.
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You never know if something may happen. When you have a mom that has her children
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with, she's constantly on guard trying to protect them.
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They call us mama bears because we're always on the protective path.
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But if we're with a man that can make us feel safe, we don't have to do so much
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and we can relax. When a woman relaxes, she then has the ability to support
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a man in more of a traditional role.
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And people complain a lot about this saying, oh, well, women can do it all.
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Women can do it themselves. Yes, they can.
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The question is, should they? And a lot of times women that are doing it all,
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we get autoimmune as we get older because we're exhausted.
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Maybe we were in a toxic relationship where you were with a man that you slept
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with for years that didn't make you feel safe. You woke up all the time.
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You woke up multiple times a night. That's a sign, ladies, that you're just
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not feeling safe or comfortable.
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I don't, you know, I don't mean that a man has to physically harm you to make you feel unsafe.
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A man can verbally abuse you when you feel unsafe.
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A man can be disrespectful and you feel unsafe.
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You need to feel safe in every way. A true man will make you feel safe just to be yourself.
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He'll listen to your feelings and your dreams. It's amazing what happens when
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you're with a man that makes you feel safe. You feel cared for.
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You feel loved. And you don't fear that you're going to get betrayed.
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You don't fear judgment. You don't feel rejection.
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They made you feel safe while you're with them.
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It's a game changer, ladies. If you can meet a man, and I know a lot of you are new to dating.
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A lot of you are in relationships even.
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And you're with men that make you feel unsafe and you don't know what to do. It's a clue.
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If they can't make you feel safe, they're not a good man to be with.
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And I know that's going to eliminate about 50 to 60 percent or more of the population.
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But men need to wisen up. And I think a part of the problem is we as women have
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kept acting like we can do it all.
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So men don't think they have to put as much effort in, but they need to because
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we're doing so much that by the time we get into our, you know,
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40s, 50s and 60s, we're getting autoimmunes because we're physically exhausted.
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Our nervous system is on overdrive.
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Our nervous system snaps. We can't handle anymore. And an autoimmune turns or you get cancer.
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We're doing too much. We're running the household, taking care of the kids,
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running businesses, having jobs on the side.
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It's too much. Plus running all the organization.
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It's too much. Science has actually backed this. Women that feel protected.
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Their stress hormones go down.
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People that feel cherished and secure, they're not as stressed and their cortisol level goes down.
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You see a man and you're dating him for a while and you start dating Wade.
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It's a body sign that you're not feeling safe.
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Now, granted, if you've changed your diet, that may be a part of it,
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too. But if you see a couple and the woman gains a lot of weight and just does
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not look happy, she's not feeling safe.
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And that weight gain is a sign that she's stressed out.
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He doesn't make her feel safe. And people say, well, it goes both ways.
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Yes, but the man is supposed to lead.
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If the man is yelling at his wife, she's not going to be able to step into her
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femininity and support the man.
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She's going to be on defense always. And a woman's very good on defense.
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I will say we're very articulate when we fight because we don't feel safe.
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If you're with a man that makes you feel safe, the relationship is completely different.
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Your body's going to release oxytocin instead of stress cortisol hormones.
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When you're releasing oxytocin, you're going to feel happy. You're going to feel loved.
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You're going to lose weight. The weight will just fall off. But when you're
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with a man that stresses you, you're going to gain weight.
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So there's women that have been in relationships for years and they gained a
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lot of weight because they were stressed out.
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Because they were always in defense mode. That's not a way to live.
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That's a way to exhaust yourself. And sometimes we don't even realize it.
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Honestly, I was with a man for decades that made me feel unsafe.
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And when I got out of that relationship and I met a man that made me feel safe
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and slept next to him one night, I will tell you, is the best sleep of my life.
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And it's an amazing thing to feel safe with someone. So you no longer have to
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guard your heart. Honestly, when...
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I'm with someone that makes me feel safe. It's not like I feel like they're
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going to trample my heart if it works out great. If it doesn't,
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that's okay, too, because now I've experienced what it feels like to be safe.
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Sometimes you feel safe with a man and you feel it right away.
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You can't always identify, oh, is this man going to make me feel safe? But there's signs.
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Do they make you feel anxious around you or when you're around them?
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Or do you feel calm? Do you feel at peace? Do you feel like home?
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If you're anxious by the third date, the first date, you know,
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there might be a little bit of anxiousness, but by the third date,
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if you're still anxious, it's probably not a good sign.
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Your body is giving you clues that this is not a safe situation.
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Do they push you when you don't want to be pushed? Do they try to make moves
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on you when you say, no, they keep going?
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That's going to make you feel unsafe. If you question where you stand,
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maybe they're not texting you or they ghost you for a few days,
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that's going to make you feel unsafe, ladies.
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It's not a man that understands women. And if they don't understand women and
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our needs for safety, they're going to be aloof. They're not going to really care.
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They may be like, oh, they might be dating multiple women. And men that date
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multiple women don't really make women feel safe.
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Do you feel assured when they reach out, when you talk to them,
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or do they try to play with you or manipulate you?
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That's when they do that, guys that manipulate. They think they're getting the
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leg up, but they're actually turning away all the women that want to feel safe.
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Quite frankly, the women that want that safety, they're the healed ones.
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Because we know what we're looking for.
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So if men are out there trying to gaslight you or manipulate you and you're
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healed, you're just going to say, no thank you, and walk away. And we do.
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Then men are stuck with the people that are unhealed or a little unhinged.
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Because there's unhealed and unhinged women out there.
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We all know that. because they're losing the good ones because they don't have
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the ability to make a good one feel safe.
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So if you keep finding that as a man you're dating women that are just not right,
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you may need to look at yourself and are you making women feel safe?
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Because if a man makes a woman feel safe, he can have any woman within his realm.
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Are their actions aligning with their words? I met a man that I felt safe with
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and it was nice because he always showed up on time for the date.
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It's never late. That made me feel safe because his actions aligned with his words.
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If he said he was going to call, he called. If he said he was going to text, he texted.
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His actions always aligned with his words. So that's a man that will make you feel safe.
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So safety is not just about he's a big, tall guy that can beat someone up.
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You can feel safe with a small man.
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You can feel comfortable with a small man. And a lot of it comes from the man.
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If the guy's anxious and nervous all the time, you're not going to feel safe.
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You're going to feel his anxiety. So you have to settle your nervous system
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and, you know, his presence should be settling yours.
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It really should. It's his job to stay calm so that you can feel calm.
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And when you have a man that walks in and is cocky and talking to everyone else
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and looking around the room, that's not going to make you feel safe because
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you're going to think he's a womanizer. He's with multiple people.
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The reality is men keep saying, we're all the good women. The good women are
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just tired of being with men that don't make us feel safe.
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This is the foundation for every relationship.
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Emotional safety, physical safety, spiritual safety, financial safety.
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If a man's like wants to go 50-50 on the bill, how is he going to be able to
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support you and your family?
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If a man doesn't want to work out, how is he going to live with you?
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How are you going to be able to work together and have an active lifestyle?
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So that's a safety concern, whether you think it is or not. Emotional safety,
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does he yell at you a lot? Does he put you down?
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Does he make fun of you? Does he disrespect you? If he doesn't give you emotional
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safety, you're out the door. Really?
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Because that is their job, to just give you love and to give love back.
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When we reciprocate love back, it's way more than we receive.
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I will say the love that women give to men tends to be way stronger than the love we receive.
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But the safety a man gives you is worth all the love you give back.
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There's also spiritual safety.
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So spiritual safety can be like, do you feel safe in their presence?
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Do you feel, if you're religious, do you feel safety with their spirit? Do you feel like.
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They're an honest, ethical person. Honestly, that's part of it.
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Do you feel like they financially could help support you and the family if you needed support?
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I'm not saying that that doesn't mean you work. You can still work.
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The question is, if you're going to have children with a man,
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he's going to have to support you for a while while you have babies.
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Can they even do that? If you're a man, that's your job. If you're a man, that's your role.
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Most men don't realize that. They're like, I want to go 50-50 on everything.
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No, a woman's sacrificing her body to have children because it changes us.
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We give up a lot when we have children. Don't get me wrong, we gain a lot too.
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But we're going to be overly bent when we have children.
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We're going to be exhausted, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
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Completely exhausted. If a man can't support you and make you feel safe when
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you have children, it's a very stressful time for a woman. It's going to be even more exhausting.
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You'll feel like you're walking on eggshells around a man that doesn't make
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you feel safe. You're not going to trust him. Your intimacy is going to be short-lived.
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You won't even feel safe having sex with him. And you don't really have genuine
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love with people that make you feel unsafe.
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You may think you do, but the reality is if they make you feel unsafe,
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you can't fully love a person that does that. This is where the conversation
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of masculinity comes in.
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I know there's a lot of discussion around toxic masculinity,
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but toxic masculinity is not a strength.
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Masculinity is. Being toxic is not masculine. It's not feminine either.
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There's toxic women. And the reality is we've got kind of a distorted image
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of what a man should be. We kept thinking that man needs to,
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you know, lay down for women.
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Men need to be more cooperative. Men need to know.
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A man doesn't need to be controlling, but a man should be leading.
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Then a woman can truly step into her feminine power because femininity is a power.
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When we're able to relax, we stay in shape easier. We can be more cooperative.
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Nurturing to men, to children, it changes the whole paradigm. It's a shift.
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Instead of focusing on the negative, which a lot of people do,
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negative men, negative, you know, relationships.
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You know, let's shine the spotlight on the good men out there,
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the ones that aren't selfish, the ones that aren't hurt and abandoned and taking it out on women.
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And if you keep having the same women over and over again, it may be because
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you need to look inward because you're not making women feel safe because women
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that don't feel safe, they leave.
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The ones that don't really care, they're not really healed. They're not mature
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and they might be a little crazy to you. They might just take anything they can come by.
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So if you want a high quality, high value woman, you're going to have to make her feel safe.
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You're going to have to learn to respect your women, to not scream at your women,
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to not yell at them at all. Why raise your voice?
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Men that are actually truly masculine, they have respect just because of who they are.
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They don't need to yell to get respect. They don't need to push women around.
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They don't need to fight women. They get respect just by their masculinity.
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Instinctively, a man's job is to protect.
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Instinctively, it's to offer kindness, protect, and support of women.
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And men that open doors and have chivalry, that's a sign of respect.
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Men that listen to women and treasure the woman they're with,
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and that's a sign of respect.
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And if you're a man that's checking out other women when you're with your woman,
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that's going to take away the feeling of safety.
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Not like every man is perfect, but you will find that men that make you feel
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safe have the majority of these qualities that we keep talking about.
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Because if a man has West syndrome or wandering eye syndrome and keeps checking
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out every woman that walks by, can't maintain eye contact or focus on you,
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you're not going to feel safe.
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It's going to cause you to be insecure and it's going to cause you to feel like,
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what the heck is going on? Am I not good enough for this man?
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No, he's making you feel unsafe. safe. That's what is truly happening.
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A man's role shouldn't be to dominate women. It should be to make them feel
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safe. And when you make women feel safe, you can write your ticket.
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You will find that you can date well above your station if you make a woman feel safe.
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Because once a woman's nervous system is calm and relaxed, her heart will open up.
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She'll trust you. She'll love you deeper than you've ever been loved.
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Women can love very deeply.
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In fact, I think we may love deeper than the men love us. A relationship will
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thrive just because you made her feel safe.
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So let's talk a little bit more about,
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We're going to change gears a little bit. And what happens when a woman feels safe?
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So reciprocally, a woman's going to give respect back. When a man respects her
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and doesn't take her for granted, she's going to give him respect back probably
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more than she actually received.
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She's going to constantly encourage man to thrive. She's going to be his support person.
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She's going to love him more than he's ever been loved. And men respond to women's
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femininity. It allows a woman to be rest and be soft, nurturing,
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take care of herself, be creative, and care, which is magnetic.
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When a woman's truly in her femininity, it's completely magnetic.
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A strong man can be receptive and nurturing to women. It creates this sense
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of harmony between a man and a woman.
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There's loyalty and trust that exists, too.
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I think loyalty and trust is one of the most important things.
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If a man truly loves a woman, he's not going to step out and cheat on her.
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I'm sorry for any of you that have stepped out and cheated on good people.
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It's going to make women feel unsafe. If you've got a history of doing it,
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you're going to make people feel unsafe.
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If you've done it in the past, you really need to go to therapy and figure out why.
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Because you're not really going to have a deep, true relationship until you
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can figure out why and stop blaming the partner.
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Because people that cheat, it's on them. It's not on the people they're with.
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That's the reality. Why did you feel so insecure that you needed to cheat?
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Because loyal, dependable women are hard to come by too.
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So when you damage those relationships and women that trust you,
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it's kind of mean and vindictive.
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So realize that a man that's gonna make you feel safe is gonna be a man that's not a cheater.
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A man that's gonna make you feel safe will allow you to lean on him and trust
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him. And he'll show loyalty in return and you'll show loyalty back.
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The mutual trust is like glue. Those are relationships that are really deep.
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Now, I'm not saying that just because a man makes you feel safe,
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but just because a man makes you feel trusting, you're going to have a perfect relationship.
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But it's the basic foundation for all relationship.
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And a woman's gift is to provide peace to the man.
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So if a man makes her feel safe, she can provide peace back because she,
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her nervous system is calm. She's not insecure.
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She feels respected. So when she gives love back, it's very peaceful for a man.
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So men, if you truly want peace, you need to harness the ability to make a woman feel safe.
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It doesn't mean silence or obedience. It just means that she's giving you a loving home.
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She gives you warmth when you need it. She gives you support and she's your
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refuge and she's loving.
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When a man knows he's respected and trusted and encouraged by the woman he loves,
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he will fight the world for her. But it always starts with the man.
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And men put a lot on women. Oh, my woman wasn't nice enough or whatever.
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But did you give her the respect and the love and the safety she needed?
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Now, I'm not saying there's not bad women out there.
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There's a lot of damaged women, just like there's a lot of damaged men.
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But if you truly want to attract the high quality women, you're going to have to start here.
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A good quality man will never stop protecting women. And they will protect women they don't even know.
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I've seen it in subways where people have come to the rescue of women in need.
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I've seen it walking down the street where a woman is getting accosted by a man and men step in.
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Those are the men that will make women feel safe. They do the right thing,
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even when it's not popular.
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They protect women from other men. Because men, if you're hitting a woman or
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yelling at a woman, you're off base.
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Because women should be made to feel safe.
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You can say, well, it's her fault. She started it. But honestly,
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most women never start. Most women defend.
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Our role, naturally, is to honor,
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to give respect, to give loyalty and encouragement. That's how we are.
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We are very loving by nature. Now, some women may be damaged from past relationships,
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but it's their job to heal, just like it's your job to start learning how to provide safety.
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And when both sides fulfill their roles, it's a deep partnership. It's a power couple.
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You know, it's built on mutual trust and mutual devotion.
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We need to work on what does it take for a man to make a woman feel safe.
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And safety comes by the things they do.
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It's the little things. So when a man is loving to a woman, she's going to feel safer.
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What does it truly mean to be a man?
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Beyond money, muscles, or status, what does it truly mean? A man needs to show
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respect and chivalry to women.
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When a man can be chivalrous, that goes a long way.
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I don't think every man constantly makes every woman feel safe.
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There's going to be days where there might be some issues. But if you can 90
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to 95% of the time make your woman feel safe, you're going to have a nice,
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long, loving relationship.
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So let's talk a little bit about chivalry, because I think we've lost a lot of this.
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And I will tell you, the men that are chivalrous, they get a thumbs up from
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me on first dates, and I will date men that I may not even be fully attracted
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to if they're chivalrous, just because they make me feel safe.
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They give me respect and attention, and that security feeling is amazing.
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They will stand out above other men. So let's say you're not the best-looking
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guy, but boy, you know how to treat a woman and make her feel good.
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You're going to get better-looking women. You're going to get better-quality women.
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A man's job is just to make us feel safe physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
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So chivalry carries above or does above all of those things.
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Remember, masculinity is not dominance. It's your responsibility.
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It's your responsibility to treat women with masculinity and treat them with respect.
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Historically, men's job has
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been to be a protector. If you can protect women, that goes a long way.
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Your job is to be a provider, financially and in other ways, and to be a leader.
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Women, we need to follow, especially in our homes. I'm saying you can't have
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a job where a woman's a CEO.
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All I'm saying is having a leader, a man that's a leader in the house,
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changes the whole dynamic. A woman can follow.
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She can turn off her nervous system and relax because she's busy taking care
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of everything and everyone.
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If you have a leader at home, it gives you the ability to relax a little bit.
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It's a more of a balance for equality in the home.
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The misconception is that there's toxic and healthy masculinity.
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I think masculinity is fine. I think there's toxic people. But a core value
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for someone that's a good masculine man is to have integrity.
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And women, we need to start teaching our children more about integrity,
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honesty, loyalty, ethics, values.
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That's an integral to everyone in it. Integrity is so important.
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It's a core foundation for man. If you don't have integrity,
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a woman's not going to feel safe with you, period.
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And if you're around cheating or dating multiple women, you don't have integrity
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and women won't feel safe.
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And women sometimes don't even know, but we feel it in our bodies that there's something off.
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And strength is important. Now,
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strength doesn't necessarily mean that you can bench press 500 pounds.
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Strength means that when she needs you, you're there. You're there to support
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her. She should be your rock as much as you should be hers. And are you consistent?
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Consistency is crucial. If you're not consistent in a relationship,
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it won't matter because consistency says whether or not you gave a damn enough
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to show up. So you've got to be consistent in your relationships.
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And then you have to show her respect. When you show a woman respect,
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she will show your respect back.
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And if she doesn't, she's not a high quality woman and it's a good sign for
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men to walk away. So respect is crucial.
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And I'm saying to the men out there, if you can up your game,
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you're going to up the women that you date.
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And I think men want to date better women because I hear a lot,
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oh, the women out there are crazy.
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No, they're not crazy. The women that are smart enough, they don't want to date
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you because you don't make them feel safe. So you keep attracting the crazy
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because you're not at the level of other men.
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And yes, money does matter and appearance does matter.
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But I will tell you that if a guy has a lot of money and is gorgeous and he
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makes me feel unsafe, it doesn't matter how much money he has. I'll walk away.
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So you also have to have the ability to take responsibility for your actions.
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If you blame other people, ladies, if you're on a first date and all they're
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doing is blaming their ex-wife, that's a bad sign. That's a sign either they're
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not healed or they're disrespectful.
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Because men that actually are honest will realize there's goods and bads in all relationships.
21:47
And women, we know that. But they need to take accountability and responsibility for their roles.
21:52
And if a man cheated on his spouse or his girlfriend, it's a sign that he may cheat on you.
21:57
And if he hasn't gone into a lot of therapy and to figure out why he had that
22:01
trait and low integrity, to actually disrespect a wedding vow and cheat on his
22:06
spouse, And if he starts blaming her for the reason he cheated,
22:09
that's just walk out the door right there and then.
22:12
I mean, it's not even worth your time to finish dinner. Because men that blame
22:15
their spouses for cheating are about the most ridiculous men,
22:19
just like women that blame their spouses for cheating.
22:22
The responsibility is on the person that cheated, okay?
22:25
And nothing your spouse did or could have done caused you to cheat.
22:29
You cheated because you chose to and because you were too weak to go and get a divorce.
22:34
So remember, that's the most disrespectful thing a person can do to their spouse.
22:38
So if they're doing that,
22:40
And then blaming their spouse, it's about as ridiculous as possible.
22:44
And that's the biggest red flag you will ever see.
22:46
But respect comes from listening, from valuing others' opinions,
22:51
from not belittling or undermining people.
22:53
You have to remember that respect is crucial.
22:56
It's a core foundation to any relationship. So we have respect,
23:00
attention, and security, which is also safety.
23:03
And if they can give you the attention you need, emotionally present,
23:07
and they communicate. Okay, if you ask them to text you and they text you back
23:11
when they say they're going to, that's the attention you need.
23:14
And it also shows a level of respect. If they belittle you or they try to make
23:19
fun of you or gaslight you or manipulate you, that's a sign of disrespect.
23:23
And you're not going to feel safe with that person.
23:25
Security includes safety, includes protection. It includes financial stability
23:30
and safety and emotional stability.
23:32
You need all of those in order to feel safe. And they may not have all of them
23:36
right away, but if they're headed in the right direction, it might be a sign.
23:40
Now, don't try to change someone and reinvent them.
23:42
But there are different stages of people's lives. So let's say somebody gives
23:46
you safety, a feeling of safety, and they protect you.
23:48
And maybe their finances are headed in that direction. They're not quite there,
23:52
but at least they're working towards it.
23:53
That's a sign that that might be worth somebody to give a chance to.
23:56
Because you want somebody that makes you feel safe financially so that,
24:00
you know, you're safe when you have children.
24:02
Any man that wants to go 50-50, again, it's a man that doesn't have integrity
24:07
and it's a man that doesn't want to have a balanced relationship.
24:10
Because a balanced relationship is not 50-50 because the guy's role is to provide safety.
24:15
Because you're going to provide care and consideration for the children.
24:18
You're going to take care of the house.
24:19
You're going to take care of all that. Now, I'm not saying you can't work.
24:22
Just remember that that's not your primary focus. And it can be if you choose
24:27
for not to not have children or whatnot.
24:29
But there's still a balance in the home. A man who ignores his wife and doesn't
24:35
listen, she's going to feel unsafe.
24:36
A man who shows up inconsistently, is late all the time for dinner.
24:40
Even if you're married, you're creating, taking away a woman's feeling of safety. So remember that.
24:47
These are not luxuries. These are baseline requirements. I'm not even talking
24:50
about you look really good in a suit or, oh, you smell really good.
24:55
This is basic stuff, guys.
24:57
Most guys don't provide the basics. That's why there's so many women that are
25:01
at home and not dating anymore because most men don't even provide the basics.
25:05
It's not that hard. So let me cover some of the things with chivalry that can help you get a leg up.
25:11
When you're dating to give a woman a sense of safety.
25:14
Because chivalry is defined. I mean, it gives a woman respect and kindness.
25:18
And it honestly, it shows a level of protective instincts in action.
25:23
Because when a man is chivalrous, he's showing that he's respecting her and
25:27
he's also protective of her. Because she's valuable.
25:31
When a man opens a door for you, you're valuable to him. It's not only kind, it's so respectful.
25:38
When he walks on the street side, when you're walking next to him.
25:41
And men, if you don't know these things, take notes and start doing them.
25:44
If he's always walking on the street side to make sure you're protected,
25:48
it's a protective instinct and she feels protected and safe.
25:51
If he's checking in to make sure you're home safe when you get home,
25:55
that's a very chivalrous thing. Says, text me when you get home.
25:58
That makes you feel safe. And when he pays attention to your small conference,
26:02
I went on a date with a man that was extremely chivalrous.
26:04
He wasn't typically the type of guy I would usually date, but he was a wonderful
26:08
man and always opened the car doors for me.
26:10
In fact, I wasn't even used to it, so I was a little uncomfortable at first, but it made me feel safe.
26:16
And then I went for dinner with him, and when I was drinking water,
26:20
because I don't drink, and he would always fill up my water glass,
26:23
because we got bottled water, and he'd fill up my water glass whenever it got empty.
26:27
And then when I went to the bathroom, he would stand up, and when I came back,
26:30
he would stand up and push in my chair, and he would always make sure I was taken care of.
26:34
That was probably one of the most chivalrous man I had ever met.
26:37
Typically not the guy I would date, but I dated him a lot because I felt so
26:40
safe and respected with him.
26:42
And when it felt unsafe, when he wasn't texting, like he said,
26:45
then things kind of split.
26:47
But when it was good, it was amazing.
26:50
I wish him the best and I will always respect him as a man because of the way
26:55
he respected me and cherished me.
26:57
It made me feel valued. It made me feel safe and made me feel loved.
27:00
And it was an amazing experience, I will never trade for anything because now
27:05
I know what I'm looking for.
27:07
Chivalry is not weakness. It's not control either, ladies.
27:10
It's honoring you and it's so respectful.
27:14
And when you receive it, oh my gosh, do you want to give it back?
27:17
I will say I will never disrespect him.
27:20
I will never be dishonorable because he was so sweet and genuine with me.
27:24
And remember that you have to find a man that will reciprocate your energy.
27:30
And I will say when a man is chivalrous, It changes the whole environment.
27:33
There's like a psychological feeling to it because that level of safety and
27:37
security you don't get from a man that, you know, makes you open your own car
27:40
door that walks ahead of you when you're trying to go somewhere and doesn't
27:44
even pay attention that you showed up that.
27:47
You go to the bathroom and doesn't even notice you're gone, pays no attention.
27:51
That's about as unsafe as you can feel because if something bad happened,
27:55
you'd be in a bad situation.
27:57
So chivalry builds trust and builds admiration of the man because when a man
28:01
is chivalrous, you admire them.
28:03
You can't stop thinking about them. And men, honestly, if you started doing
28:07
this, any woman you want would stick around.
28:10
Even if you're not as good looking as she usually dates, even if you're not
28:13
as tall or strong or anything else, That level of chivalry, it deepens love
28:19
and loyalty towards you.
28:21
So the chivalry that you're giving, you're going to get back tenfold.
28:23
It also shows that you're a leader. When you're a chivalrous man,
28:27
it shows that you're leading the woman, and it shows so much respect in that
28:30
relationship. It's not controlling, it's guided care.
28:33
It's taking her and guiding her the way that she deserves, as well as protecting her.
28:39
I will say that respect I will give back to any man that's chivalrous with me,
28:44
I will always give them a chance over men that aren't.
28:47
Now that I've seen it in action and I've felt the feeling of being with a man
28:52
that was chivalrous, I will say I really want that going forward.
28:55
Now, men of character and that are chivalrous, you can find them at church,
28:58
at faith-based areas. Sometimes they volunteer.
29:02
A lot of them are business professionals. But you can find a chivalrous cowboy
29:06
or you could find a chivalrous plumber. They're not usually on the dating apps.
29:10
They're not usually at bars. Chivalrous men are genuine. They're true. They're good people.
29:15
One of the things with chivalrous men is, do they have good character?
29:18
Do they listen when you talk or is he rushing? Does he push intimacy or does
29:22
he follow your lead at what you're able to do?
29:25
Does he show up when he says he will? And if he's late, does he apologize and make up for it?
29:30
You can spot fake gestures with genuine care. You really can.
29:34
And fake gestures aren't good.
29:35
Genuine care is someone that's loving and caring. And it's amazing to find a
29:39
man that's chivalrous. It really is. They're...
29:41
They're few and far between, but boy, ladies, when you find them,
29:44
you'll also notice that they date the best-looking women.
29:47
They have the ability to date women way above their station just because of
29:51
the way they treat women.
29:52
It's not degrading to a man. You're going to have better relationships once
29:55
you learn chivalry, men. You will.
29:57
You know, you can ask them what respect means to them, but honestly,
30:01
you can tell within five minutes if a man's chivalrous.
30:04
I'm raising my children to be chivalrous because I know that they will find
30:07
better quality women, Women that treat them with respect and have better relationships
30:12
when they're chivalrous.
30:13
When a man is chivalrous, he's not going to yell at you when you have a disagreement.
30:16
He's going to have a conversation because he's going to respect you at all times,
30:19
just like it will allow you to respect him at all times.
30:23
It's kind of like, what role do you think a man plays in your relationship?
30:26
Well, the man should be the leader. He should be in charge.
30:29
He should be the one that's driving the relationship. If you find that you're
30:33
constantly in conflict with a man, it's because he's not leading you and he's
30:36
not showing you safety. Any man that has to control you is not a chivalrous man.
30:42
Any man that dismisses your concerns is not someone that's going to make you feel safe.
30:46
So just remember that we're looking for a man that will make you happy,
30:51
that will make you satisfied.
30:53
Inconsistent communication is another one. If they're not going to talk to you
30:57
often, what's the point? Are they dating multiple people?
31:00
You have to realize that inconsistent communication is a red flag as well.
31:05
So look for, have your list of things you want, but try out a chivalrous man and see what happens.
31:10
See how you feel. See how it calms your nervous system. It will be a wonderful thing.
31:14
But you should test their consistency because if a man is one way in the beginning
31:19
and then within four weeks they completely drop off, that's going to be the way it is.
31:23
Unless you're looking for less attention, most women walk away at that point.
31:28
It depends on, you know, I don't recommend sleeping with a man on the first
31:31
date, second date, or even the third date. Take your time.
31:34
Make sure they're consistent before you do anything. Then you'll align with
31:37
the right person, the right person that gives you respect and security,
31:40
which matches your values.
31:42
So physical safety is not a threat. It's a man's way of protecting you.
31:46
You can be vulnerable without judgment when you feel physically and emotionally
31:50
safe. You can talk to them about your fears and your concerns.
31:54
You can be open. You can be honest and truthful. And they're keepers, ladies.
31:58
I will say when you find one that makes you feel safe, they're a keeper,
32:01
especially if you find someone that makes you feel safe and is chivalrous and
32:04
honors, respects you, gives you the attention you need and all the security you need. It's a keeper.
32:09
So there is so many things involved. But these core values, I think,
32:15
are non-negotiable. At least they are for me.
32:17
Because now that I've seen it and felt it and know what it is,
32:21
I don't want to go back. I'm not going to go back to a man that's disrespectful.
32:25
I'm going to walk out the door. Language has a lot to do mouth, it's disrespectful.
32:32
It is. At our age, if someone has to cuss every other word, they're either not
32:36
educated or just disrespectful.
32:38
It's a sign. Realize that the way people speak to you, it's disrespectful sometimes.
32:43
Does a man walk you to the car when you're driving away? Does he open your car door?
32:47
Is he respecting you? Does he support you in public or does he try to embarrass
32:52
you? Does he encourage you?
32:54
Those are things that a man, a real man would do. A man that's not good for
32:59
you will disrespect you in public.
33:00
A man that's not good for you will put you down in front of others,
33:04
will gaslight you, will make it all about them. And that's also a sign of narcissism, ladies.
33:08
Believe me, you don't want one of those. Remember, you don't have to be disrespected.
33:13
You can find someone that treats you like gold, the way you need to be treated.
33:16
A man doesn't disappear in a time of crisis. He shows up.
33:20
A man that respects you will be there when you're hurting. A man that respects
33:23
you will listen to you, not just talk nonstop.
33:26
So So I encourage women to interview men when they start dating.
33:30
It's more of an interview. It's not there for them to interview you because
33:34
we get to choose the men we get to be with.
33:36
Men get to choose as well. But we have usually have the leg up on choices.
33:41
Gentlemen, they should understand that women needs are not excessive.
33:45
If they want to balance the feeling of peace that they're going to get from
33:49
a woman, you're going to have to give women too.
33:52
It's a give and take relationship. So besides being chivalrous,
33:55
you need to learn to respect her boundaries because her boundaries are there
33:59
not as a sign of disrespect for you, but they're there to protect her.
34:04
So her boundaries are there, and they're solid, and you shouldn't try to push them.
34:07
If she tells you she has boundaries, don't try to push them,
34:10
because that's a sign of disrespect, and it makes her feel unsafe.
34:12
You should lead with consistency. If you're going to lead a woman, don't be wishy-washy.
34:17
Make a decision and go for it, and then keep it that way.
34:20
I'm not saying you can't ever change your mind, but you need to be consistent
34:23
for the majority of the time. There's a book called Emotional Intelligence.
34:26
I think every man and woman out there should read it. It's a book that teaches
34:30
you how to be more mature, how to show up, how to respect other people,
34:34
how to value your relationships.
34:36
And all of this works as well with friends, guys.
34:39
If you're friends with people and you're disrespecting them and you're not consistent
34:43
or respecting their boundaries, you're going to lose friends.
34:46
Then practice chivalry every day. Practice it with friends.
34:49
If you have a friend that's a girl that you're not dating, learn to be chivalrous.
34:53
There's lots of books out there on chivalry and how to treat women in different situations.
34:57
My children will always open the doors for all women. I've trained them for that.
35:00
They will open my car door. I even have my youngest nine-year-old that escorts
35:04
me to and from the car and always walks on the side of the road. It's so funny.
35:09
It makes me a little nervous, honestly, but it's so funny. But he's already
35:13
turning into a strong, loyal partner for someone.
35:16
I can't wait to see who he marries because they're going to be magnificent because
35:20
I know that he's going to be a chivalrous man that treats women with respect and shows up.
35:25
He's going to pay attention to her and he's going to be loving.
35:27
Don't lower your standards just because the choices you've had,
35:31
you haven't found someone yet. These requirements...
35:34
It's the bare minimum, ladies. And if you're not finding someone in the pond
35:39
you are in, per se, then go jump into a new pond.
35:42
Get out of the pool or the pond you're in, because maybe you're too big of a
35:46
fish for such a little pond, and you need to go, it's time to upgrade or level up.
35:50
And you need to learn how to say no and walk away with respect.
35:53
Even if someone else is disrespecting you, I've had that happen many times.
35:57
Where men have been disrespectful, they ghosted me or they were rude,
36:00
and I just walk away with respect.
36:02
I don't ghost back. I let them know why, and then I walk away.
36:06
I think ghosting is the worst thing people can do. If you don't like someone,
36:10
just tell them, hey, not into you, or I'm not feeling it because of the X,
36:14
Y, and Z, but I wish you the best, and leave it be.
36:17
Because when people are disrespecting you, they're not making you feel safe.
36:21
Don't confuse lust or chemistry with true alignment.
36:24
Alignment means that you're balanced on all levels.
36:28
It may be that, you know, this person's super chauvinist. gives you safety,
36:31
gives you peace, and you align, which you may not have aligned having taken
36:35
away the chivalry or the respect.
36:37
But you'll see patterns within the first month.
36:40
If people constantly say, let's meet here, and every single time they show up
36:44
late, that's disrespectful.
36:46
And if they haven't learned that by now at 30, 40, or 50 years old,
36:50
you're not going to train an old dog, no matter what.
36:53
And if they can't give you the respect to show up on time when they say they're
36:56
coming, then you're just going to have to realize they're going to be a disrespectful
36:59
person. Do you really want that in your life?
37:01
I encourage all women to raise your standards. I encourage you to.
37:05
Chivro is not dead. It lives in the choices that men make every single day.
37:10
I know I flew into an airport in Mexico.
37:14
And it was a flight that went through Texas. And so there were a lot of Texans on it.
37:19
So there was a layover in Texas and got off in Mexico and two cowboys.
37:24
I'm not super dainty, but I'm a petite woman.
37:27
And the guys said, can we help you with your bags, ma'am? And I had no idea
37:30
who they were. I said, yes, that would be lovely.
37:33
Thank you so much. I got my bags off. I didn't have to lift them.
37:36
I carried them out of my car, but I just had my nails done, and it was kind
37:39
of nice to have someone get my bags off at the baggage claim.
37:44
Men that are chivalrous will show you respect, and women that they don't even know respect.
37:49
They will see a man being mean to a woman, and they will protect her.
37:53
That's just the way it is. So I think we need to dive deep into that.
37:56
A lot of people confuse masculinity with aggression, but it's not its responsibility and it's protective.
38:02
Historically, men have always been the protectors and the providers because
38:06
there will always be bad people out there. There will always be bad men.
38:09
There will always be bad women. And you have to realize that.
38:13
But don't attract the bad men.
38:16
Don't attract the bad women. Attract the ones that align with you.
38:20
And in order to get yourself to that alignment, you need to work on you, not the other person.
38:25
We are not asking for excessiveness.
38:28
We are asking for a man to step into his greatness.
38:32
We're not measuring you by your money. We're measuring you by your character,
38:35
by your value, by what you bring to a relationship.
38:38
So remember, this is what women want. This is what women look for.
38:43
If you're finding women that don't respect your chivalry, well,
38:46
then you're with the wrong woman.
38:48
You're with a low-quality woman. You're with a woman that's over-the-top feminist
38:52
because she thinks she has to be but doesn't really know who she is and hasn't
38:56
really realized that it's nice to let a man treat her with respect and dignity.
39:01
Going forward, all I recommend is that you allow a woman to be a woman,
39:06
you treat her with dignity and respect, and men, if you can calm her nervous
39:09
system and make her feel less anxious, you will get all the love you ever wanted. This is Diva Mia.
39:15
I hope this helped you out today. Signing off.
39:19
Take care and have a wonderful week. Thanks for tuning in. Like,
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39:26
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