Latest / Freedom Flip / Communication Habits, Silence, Friendships, and Choosing the Right People Around You - EP011

Transcript

Communication Habits, Silence, Friendships, and Choosing the Right People Around You - EP011 · Freedom Flip

• 0:00
  You are in the wrong room. You're headed down a bad path. If you are listening to us and you agree with the things that we are saying or the things that we are saying make you think and you agree maybe with some, but then there is nobody in your group of friends that would have a similar position, then you are in the wrong room. Think who do you need to break up with and think who do you need to spend more time as an accountability body in whatever area of your life that you want to improve. And if you don't, you're not going to like where you end up. Our brain has a cognitive bias and is a trick.
• 0:28
  It makes you realize there's a huge wall that we create against doing what we probably should do. You said, when you notice yourself trying to say no, it's not a question. Say, I have to do it now. When you feel that trick, my mind is trying to convince me don't do it. It's going to create 10 weird conversations and it'll probably go away. It might get better. Never gets better. 100% of the time, never gets better.
• 0:50
  Anytime somebody says 100%, they don't know what they're talking about. We need a new WhatsApp reaction emoji that instead of 100, it says 99.9%. The only currency here is value. You need to bring value to people. There were a couple of people that were holding back. They were not sharing what they are doing. And these are big businesses. They are doing 5 million, 10 million in revenue plus. And now all of a sudden you are sharing . Hey guys.
• 1:15
  Before we leave, grab your phone, send me a direct message. And if, in your opinion, there is one, two, three, ten people, whatever, that did not bring value as we spoke, then just tell me the name. And if there is some consensus in the group, then I will let that person know that it's not invited anymore in the group. And it happened that almost everyone voted those two people. Not because I said, but because it's obvious. All right. So grab your phone and do your thing.
• 1:41
  We definitely don't have pants on though. You definitely don't, which is disgusting. Yes. I tried to convince you. You said no. Creative juices aren't flowing when I have pants on. Cops are coming.
• 1:53
  So, what do we do? Unconscious communication is things we're saying or doing without thought. Because of society, TV, what our parents did, what our friends are saying. Because of nervousness, insecurity, fear. I do it. I add fillers when I'm nervous, when it's uncomfortable, when it's a thought isn't formed, when I'm not present in my mind. Yes. So, examples for me are this word, um, and then this Argentine chainsaw comes out.
• 2:23
  It cuts them out. Well, what's the problem with doing ums and ems? What's the problem with that? Sounds beautiful. What's the problem? But it doesn't allow us to achieve our highest potential of communicating clearly, of being present in our communication. Why do you think that when someone uses a feeler, that person is not being present in the communication? I love coming back to me because I can speak for me clearly. It's usually nervousness, uncomfort. I feel weird about switching. It's a deep conversation. I'm a little bit...
• 2:51
  insecure about or not ready to go into that's interesting i don't think that is connected with nervousness for most people i think that is connected with we have a habit tons of people do it especially in the usa in argentina we have the same thing people just do it it's a little bit different words but it's all feelers like um uh this is the energy uh that's it in the us it's more like
• 3:16
  um anyhow for me it's more connected to we are not being we're not really thinking through it and for whatever reason we feel uncomfortable with the silence
• 3:26
  We feel uncomfortable with leaving. Right. So right now I'm going to make it intentional. Right. I'm going to make it slow that I can. We are feeling uncomfortable with us gathering our thoughts. Right now I put a pause in the middle. And the other way of doing it would be. We feel uncomfortable with us gathering our thoughts. The interesting part is that when you see that in other people. You just cannot unsee it. And it's just so bad. It's so bad. The one that for me is difficult is.
• 3:55
  the word like because and we have the same in Argentina but I tend to use it very frequently you know it's like well you know it's also terrible you know you know yeah I know dude I'm in front of you like what the fuck are you talking about yeah you know you know yeah I know you're spot on when I was saying anxiety hard topic it's the same thing you're saying it's I'm filling it by or I see people filling it filling that space
• 4:21
  And it reminds me of the quote, all of man's problems would disappear if he can sit in a room by himself with his thoughts. Getting over that fear and that discomfort allows one to be more present, allows me to not be scared of switching topics, of collecting my thoughts. Even you give me great feedback. I got a big mouth, big jaw, might be eating with my mouth open. You don't love seeing, you know, what's for lunch. I don't care. I only share the story of we were in a place and you're speaking with someone and I'm
• 4:50
  The sunlight was shining in your face and you were just spitting all over this poor person's face. Genetic like my father. Tony, yes. Tony Robbins. And I was just talking about that. Similarly, though, tying it to eating. If I'm uncomfortable having you wait and having silence while I finish my bite to communicate, that comes back to what we're both saying. Anxiety, not wanting to have space, silence. Like at the depth of it, if you pull back the layers, it's fear of silence. What happens in the silence? Yeah.
• 5:19
  Why we are afraid of silence? Will they not like me? Will they stop listening? Will they walk away? Am I enough? I mean, really like deep, deep things bubble up. So I shared this feedback with a friend. He uses a lot. He says like, he says, you know, and then he uses all the feelings. Um's.
• 5:39
  a lot. And I shared this with him and then he recorded, it's like, dude, I've been watching YouTube videos of how to stop doing this. And my gosh, it's so cool. And he's like, what I, what I struggle is because I really like speaking fast. And I feel that if I am pausing, if I am not pausing, if I am going in a silence, I feel that I am not really speaking fast. And I call that kind of
• 6:04
  Because it's not that you are speaking fast by you putting fillers or by you removing the fillers. If you're using fillers because for whatever reason, as you are saying, you're not being present enough. You're not being aware enough. And therefore, you are still trying to gather your thoughts and putting the pieces together. And that's why that has nothing to do with you speaking fast or not. And then I said another thing, which is, by the way, you like to listen to at two times speed. So you may be watching to the slowest speaking person. I did make sound that the person is speaking fast.
• 6:33
  So be careful. Don't b****** yourself. The final thought to flip it in honor of our passion for flipping, we speak fast to try and get the point across faster. What if that results in them not getting the point? Well, he was conflicting also speed with energy and passion, which I think that not necessarily connected and they have to be together.
• 6:54
  I think it's similar to everything we're talking about. When I'm speaking really fast, I'm scared they're going to leave. I need to get this point across. I think it's a flip. It's less effective. When you have someone confidently communicating directly at a level with a cadence, that brings you in.
• 7:12
  It's interesting. You think about some of these greatest speakers like Martin Luther King. Have you heard his I Have a Dream speech? It's awkwardly long. They pause it. Oh, my mom, 10 years ago, she got me some book with a, back in the day, CD of the greatest speeches of all time. And it was the actual audio recording. And I was like the nerdy, you know, high school or college student body president. I need to, I need to have...
• 7:35
  I need to have a speech that changes the world. It's like, might as well listen to them. So I played it. And the thing I took away most was a bunch of these people, a bunch of these guys that had these main speeches, they were comfortable in the long pause. And the long pause built power. The long pause built energy, emotion, commitment of the listener.
• 7:54
  Yes. Yeah, I think that you're right. Anything that is connected with insecurity. And I need to fill in the gap rather than being cool with the silence. Well, here's the wild part. You come into any room, and whether or not we want to admit it, there's a level of hierarchical animals that we are. And the person who doesn't need to rip through things, person who can have space, pauses, they're actually rising in the feeling of the hierarchy of everyone.
• 8:21
  It's the opposite of the person. You can sense the guy that's in there like telling all the lines and won't shut up. Everyone's like, okay, he's trying to fit up. He's trying to feel worthy of the group. Yeah. So what is, since we had this conversation and I told you, gave you this feedback, what have you done? I think first you shined a light and I share this with you. Maybe share what's the feedback that I gave you? You said, do you notice you're saying the word, um, you're adding umms.
• 8:46
  And Pablo is a gentle, you know, he's a gentle, kind soul. So he does this soft. Hey, do you use ums? You use ums, it sounds bad.
• 8:57
  Well, no, no, come on. Say, how did I give you feedback? I don't remember these records, but you said, did you hear that? Did you say, oh, there's something along. He very directly, clearly, and correctly identified that I'm using them. I still use it, right? And you and I both have worked on our impatience for change. Because in my mind, just you shining a light on it, and it's this dark part of my brain that's not listening, is a huge breakthrough.
• 9:22
  Now I'm already 60, 70% to solving it. You know, right away, okay, I think I said it 30% less. On a deeper level, it helps me deal with why am I doing it? Oh, I feel uncomfortable or insecure. I don't want to switch topics. Okay, let's go into that. Why are you so scared? You're okay, little Peter. You can be a man now. Second one is I really think there's power in the words we say, right? If you think about...
• 9:44
  you know people cast spells we're spelling words right what we say is manifesting creating what we want you had a great breakthrough i think we talked about a pod where you were at my house and you said i'm not going to be tired i'm going to wake up even with little sleep and i have energy right our our cognitive uh biases positive or negative will create in this situation
• 10:07
  And for context, what happened is I was staying in your house and I was jet lagged because I was coming from overseas and so on. And then I realized that I had this, how do you call it, like internal dialogue or internal automatic phrase when I woke up. And if I didn't get more than six hours of sleep, I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm tired.
• 10:26
  And then I say, why am I saying that? It's so stupid. Okay, I'm just going to say the opposite. I'm going to flip it, say exactly 100% the opposite. I wake up, I hear that things like, nope. Oh my gosh, I have so much energy. I have so much energy. And then some people may say, but you're lying. It's like, well, whatever I'm saying is,
• 10:45
  And how is it beneficial for me to say, I'm so tired, I'm so tired, I'm so tired, I'm putting myself in this victim position. Why? How is that even beneficial? It's not. Okay, so then what kind of phrase can I choose that is beneficial? And I think being intentional with the speech, coming back to where, how did I grow? I'm now choosing with intention, thought, and focus the words I'm saying.
• 11:08
  I'm not running through them or stumbling over them, pulling out ums and likes, and I'm scared of little Peter, and I got to plug in every little hole of the conversation or else it's going to fall apart. No, I step back. I'm more confident. I'm more intentional. I avoid suddenly that expands into things like, I'm so tired. Am I? Why am I? Do I have to be? It allows us to consciously be in the present, I think, of the Buddhism and Eastern philosophy of
• 11:33
  It pulls you from fillers, have you still focused on the future, it's dragging you into this future scenario versus allowing you to be present, comfortable, confident in this moment. Boom. Mic drop. Did you break it?
• 11:48
  We were on a call yesterday and we had a killer point from a friend of ours. Actually, the sponsor of our episode, Anastasia, friend, O's Wealth Paradox. Her name may change, but amazing content. And she dropped a killer one. And I just did a mic drop with these ones. Pablo liked it. So let's put a cap on it. Part of this is for my own learning. So I was saying some likes. I'm trying to not do that. How do we make this practical for me to get better?
• 12:16
  One is you have friends that dive into you. This was a thought for me too. And I thought it could be a pod, but we can tie it in here. How do we make it fun or funny when we do this? And this is something I'm working on so much in my own life, right? When I ask a friend, siblings, co-worker, whatever, hey, do you wanna change this? And they might commit to it. One, I have to realize they're not gonna change it tomorrow. We're not robots. So I have to accept that, right? That's a challenge. We all struggle.
• 12:43
  But two, how do I give them the nudge in a way that makes them laugh or smile versus say, shut up, Peter. I want to punch you in the face. So how do you do it? I think it's different with each one. I think one way I'm trying to do it is that I'm flipping it. So I'm going deeper on the things they do. Give me an example. I'm digging into this on all fronts. When people say stuff that I strongly disagree with, I double down on what they, as if I agree.
• 13:07
  So you say, um, you, I, like I just did. Oh my gosh. I love when you say, um, Peter, like that. You emphatically say it back to them. Oh my gosh. I love it. And you add 10%, 20%. But give me an example. So I am speaking and I say, so I was thinking, um, that we go fishing. Um, um, it's kind of boring. So it's a little harder to do. I would just do, um, um.
• 13:34
  I love that. Okay. There you go. So you make it when they look at it, they're like, I don't like that. I don't like the way he just sounded. Rather than you said, I'm right. There's two paths. There's like brute force. I'm going to hit him. But I think that the challenge with that is I think that if the person wants to change it, then it's easy. And then it doesn't really matter.
• 13:58
  if the person doesn't want to change it, and we're talking about adults, right? Then it's a little bit more complicated because right now you have, I gave you this feedback. You are, yeah, I want to change it. You are working on changing it. Therefore, I can just punch you. I can just make fun of you. I can do whatever. And you're going to take it to like, oh, thank you. Boy, and I think this is a deeper level of everything I said is assuming there's commitment, interest, excitement to change.
• 14:27
  When someone says, look, dude, I love smoking a pack of cigs a day, leave me alone. That's just a different conversation. That comes back to me being like, well, my own solution on this solution challenge journey is, when it's someone you love is letting go to the idea of, well, what if the cigarettes give them a form of cancer and getting over that cancer unleashes their fullest potential to change the world and be the best version of themselves. Who the hell am I to be the judge?
• 14:52
  Now, if they ask me, I want to have the confidence to be direct, honest, where they say, should I be smoking cigarettes? No. I love you and I think you're going to get cancer and it's going to be a horrible process. But releasing the idea that I know their beautiful journey that they're on, that's what I'm trying to lean into myself. And these are two different paths. One is, Pablo, you're right. I want to stop saying um and like. The other is, dude, it does not matter. Shut up and leave me alone. These are two different paths. Now, let's do cigarettes as a direct one. There's cigarettes like, dude, I really want to stop.
• 15:21
  You make it fun. You take them, you snap them, you throw them away, you make it a fun game, you hide them around the house, like whatever it is, right? That's a fun way, which I think is the
• 15:32
  in my mind to create change because it shines the light. The negative one, I just say, no, dude, I'm gonna smoke a pack of cigs every day the rest of my life. It's one of these pieces of letting go, but also setting up a boundary of saying stuff like provide some friction. Hey, dude, you're totally welcome to do what you want. Inside our house, I don't wanna have to breathe and I don't want my clothes to smell. So are you okay doing it outside the house?
• 15:56
  Setting up just boundaries and not being scared, coming back to fear, anxiety, not being scared to set up a boundary. Or I'm going to leave every time you're smoking cigarettes. I've set this line now. What do you think? What do you use?
• 16:07
  I think that it depends a lot on who am I talking with? Who is the person that I have in front? And so let's say with you, it's different. I gave you feedback. You are saying, yeah, I want to change it. So, and we have enough interaction that I can catch you in the moment that I can tell you, like I've been doing the last couple of days. So that's one way. Then another way is if the person doesn't want to change, done.
• 16:31
  Now, if the person that is in my life and to me, this is, I wouldn't say that it's a deal breaker, but this is a very important thing for me, for us and our family. It can be my family. It can be my group of friends that are like my chosen, that are my chosen family, basically.
• 16:56
  then that is a different thing because I just want, I have an idea of the direction that I want to go. So as an example, which this is not the case, but let's say that my wife smokes or my wife has something like that. I'll be like, well, okay, let's just project this into the future. How this is going to affect pregnancy or kids.
• 17:21
  How this is going to affect our relationship? Do I want this in my life? Let me just be selfish. Do I want this in my life? Yes or no? So I try to go very yes or no, see where I land. Am I cool with my kids being in a place where everyone is smoking?
• 17:37
  No. So that way it's easier for me to understand when I project into the future, 10 years into the future, this same situation happening every day or every other day, 10 years becomes kind of easy. But this is what I want. This is not what I want. I don't really care or I really care about this. And if I really care about this, then we have a conversation and then we make it happen.
• 17:58
  This is, I think, one of your greatest skills that I just have not seen often in 38 years on earth, where most people are scared of having the hard discussion or making the change.
• 18:13
  It might be hard. There might be whatever. The person gets mad at me. It's going to be moving to a new country or city, which you've done, you know, or continent. You've done three times, four or five times actually in the last 10 years. Just saying this is not the right place. Okay, new continent.
• 18:31
  And the way you just described it sums it up really well, which is similar to the Jeff Bezos. Have you heard of his theory why he started Amazon? Regret, minimization, optimization. And it's basically from a financial term, you're projecting forward your returns or your struggles, positive or negative. Yeah, so what he does is...
• 18:49
  Okay, I go to the age of 90 and then I look back and I'm like, would I regret not having done this or not? That's not exactly what I do. The way that I think about it, I say, okay, am I, do I care? Am I happy or not with me experiencing this situation?
• 19:08
  every day every other day for the next 10 years for the next 20 years and i can do that let's say with a group of friends with a group a community that i am part of with my spouse with family members that to me is way easier than i think they're sim they're similar when i hear it his is similar
• 19:27
  For me, that one is more about I need to make a decision. Should I go and move to this new country that I've been dreaming all my life? That's one thing. Should I start this business that I've been thinking, okay, let me just go to the end of my life, look back and be like,
• 19:44
  I would really regret not having done that. That is different than, let's just put another example. Maybe people that are watching this can relate. You are in a job that you hate. Not because of the job per se, but because you don't really match with that kind of job. So I don't think that is a problem with the job. It's just you, for whatever reason, you don't feel like being stuck in a cubicle or in an office or outside on the road. Whatever that is, doing this kind of job because it doesn't match with you.
• 20:13
  This is not about, I want to start my own hustle. I want to start my own business. This is about, okay, I am in this position. I can feel that something is not connecting, not matching. I don't know what it is. Okay, then let's just project for the next 20 years. How would you feel? Keep doing this every day for the next 20 years. And that's where it's like, oh my gosh, no. Great. Then just pull the trigger right now because that's not going to change.
• 20:38
  This is what most people don't do. I look, I'm not, I still consider myself in the top one to five to 10% of these in the world that are doing the same thing. I think you're in the top 0.01% of this, of this action. Because I've just seen you call me and be like, you know, I don't know if this group, this person, this thing is working for me.
• 20:56
  And the next day you're like, yep, canceled it. I'm out. I'm doing, I moved, whatever it is. And that clarity and decisiveness, it's powerful. I think that it's the same. It actually comes into deep, deep parts of our life of fear overwhelms. The fear of the unknown, the amygdala, the part of our brain that's firing away saying, if you go out of the cave, you might die. For me, it's the fear of the known. I know that these things suck.
• 21:26
  sucking out my energy for the last two years, three years, or this group, or this person that used to be a very good friend, or high school friend, or whatever, or a spouse, or girlfriend, or boyfriend, right? Whoever it is in your life. I already have data. I have the proof that this, I know how I feel with this situation, with this person, with this whatever.
• 21:49
  okay let's just project this for the next five years 10 years 15 years whatever time frame i am experiencing this i am cool with that is this what i want in my life yes no it's like no it's like great then just do it pull the plug right now now caveat here many times what i what i don't want is that this idea is used as a escape valve like oh yeah okay i'm out oh i'm out be careful are you escaping
• 22:14
  Did you have you worked on your things? This is why to me, it's kind of important to understand that's this situation. Let's just say me working in an office. That's this much how I feel about this situation. And I'm like, well, I have five years of experience having to commute three hours a day every day. I like the people that I work with. I hate being behind the desk.
• 22:38
  I hate not having the ownership of my own time and be able to control when I work, etc. Man, this feels very heavy. I have already a lot of information on this. What am I waiting for? Why? Why do I need to keep doing this? Now different story. I'm just going to put another example, not my example, hopefully, but another example would be.
• 23:01
  I hate my family. I hate my friends. I hate everyone. I need to get out of this city because I am going to find peace when I go to this other magical city. Or other magical job. What I found is that wherever we go, we carry our backpack. Baggage. Well, the backpack has our baggage, has our things. So that's going to show up wherever we are going in the next relationship, in the next job, in the next enterprise.
• 23:30
  The reason I say baggage is because it's, I think, emotional baggage. It's also a physical baggage we're carrying. That's where we have the traumas and all that we are carrying. So this is why I said, well, let's be careful also. And not use this as, oh, that's how I'm going to escape. I have a trick for it. Because this is something I struggle with, is just pulling the ripcord and saying, let me just run away from it. So how do we define this? I wouldn't call it run away from it. For some people, it could be. So I'm just going to say I'm done. I wouldn't say that's run. Running away from it.
• 23:58
  This is what I want to avoid. I don't want to run away from it. Agreed. And I'm saying, how does someone recognize it? Am I running away or is this the right decision? Or I'm running towards... Towards something different. These are two different motivations. Totally. And how does someone... What's a practical way to understand that? How do we understand the difference?
• 24:15
  It comes back to this. There's three situations where I'm feeling discomfort. So I'm feeling uncomfortable or I'm feeling discomfort. To me, it comes down to three paths. What are these three paths? So one is it's dangerous, which is very rare in today's world, right? Hey, I'm gonna, I don't think this balcony feels like it's gonna last with 50 people out here. I wanna get inside. That's just dangerous. Or I think this driver of this vehicle in the future, there's driverless cars, okay.
• 24:43
  So that is more survival. Survival. So checkbox, that's just a, you're doing the right thing, move on. Second one is dumb. And let's say this is just something where it's like, I don't really want to be here with these people. I don't like, you know, this event or this, whatever it is. It just feels like a waste of my time. Like I'm not, I'm not enjoying it. You're already in it. You're already at a place or doing a thing. You're feeling like. That something is off. Something is off. Maybe you don't know what it is, but you can definitely feel when something is off.
• 25:09
  Exactly. And those, those are situations. That's kind of the second scenario. I see myself like, wow, this is just weird. The third one's the interesting one. The third one I say is I need to do it. So that's the, I don't really want to go to the gym. You know, I don't, I've known Billy since I was 12. Do I really, I can just, we can be, still be friends. Like I'll just take his calls or see him once a year. Right. This is the magical one, right? This is, this is the one where I still feel it all the time. I'm like, ah.
• 25:37
  I don't really need to work out today. I don't need to end the friendship with him. I had a very close lifelong, a couple of them, lifelong friends most of my life I've had. And I was doing that. I was like, I just, I don't enjoy any conversations. I don't enjoy the time with them. I feel like we're headed in a different path. And I'm probably holding them back at taking a friend slot or a mental energy or whatever. They're definitely, we're not in a good spot for me. So I have two paths, right? I have the path of, eh, whatever. Like,
• 26:04
  Right, and the term of like ghosting or silent quitting, a friendship, a job, whatever, where you just kind of let it die slowly, Pat. I just thought about this more. I was like, I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be very clear and decisive. And this is the third path. This is the thing I need to do. I don't want to do it. I want to be clear. I never want to do this. I literally tell myself, and I'm convincing myself actively.
• 26:27
  You don't need to. Don't worry about it. When I'm playing this mental story of, you don't need to end that friendship. You don't need to end this thing. The muscle memory I'm building and trying to build some days good, some days horribly is do it, right? So it's either dangerous, it's just kind of dumb, or I need to do it. Does that make sense? Stuck in something that you don't really care about. It doesn't matter. For example, give me one example.
• 26:51
  Dude, I've been to probably two conferences in the last like two, no way more than that. You call it dumb. Okay. Let's just put up in. What is the next one? Do it. It's the things that your mind's telling you don't do it. And that feeling of not put, I don't really want to. Because to me, the dumb one, it's very connected to the last one that you mentioned.
• 27:11
  Forget about the example of going to the gym. That to me is a whole different conversation because the gym is you and yourself. Here we are talking about you and other people making those decisions. When you decide to go to the gym, unless you have a terrible partner, nobody really gives a f*** now or when you don't decide. But when you say, I'm going to move to another city, I'm going to move to another city.
• 27:31
  Well, what happens with the people that already know you in the city, that you are a different country? There is a lot of a lot of conversations, let's say, that you may think that you may need to have. Maybe you don't, but there is a lot of things that happen usually for most people when making those kind of decisions.
• 27:48
  The same with you get invited, you go, there's a conference where you have friends, which some of them may really be friends. Many of them are acquaintances. And you say, you know what? This sucks. I don't want to be here. This is draining. This is energy negative.
• 28:03
  You're right. I think we can consolidate those two to be one. To me, those are basically the same thing. Because one easy way is to just disappear and you go to your hotel room, right? You're in the convention center, and you're like, guys, I'm going to sleep. Bye. Or you just walk away and you disappear. Okay. But a different thing is to say, you know what? I just don't want to be part of this thing anymore. You're right. And I like you consolidating. It reminds me of this quote of...
• 28:29
  Our brain sees dangerous and scary, or other word for scary, let's call it uncomfortable as the same thing. That gets processed through our brain, through our amygdala as the same. Dangerous, like life-threatening, and uncomfortable conversation. And once the light gets shined on that, that our brain has a cognitive bias and is a trick, it makes you realize there's a huge wall
• 28:51
  that we create against doing what we probably should do. So the trick still for me is this, when I'm feeling that, then I can categorize, is this dangerous? Nah, I'm not gonna die. You know, I'm not gonna go hungry. Oh, I'm just playing that cognitive bias game. I'm playing this trick on myself. I have to do it. And you said this once on a couple things, right? You've said, when you notice yourself trying to say no, then you force, you just, it's not a question. I'd say, I have to do it now. When you do what, you mean?
• 29:17
  When you feel that trick, this trick that my mind is trying to convince me, don't do it. Right. It's going to create 10 weird conversations and it'll probably go away. It might get better. All of that is just never gets better.
• 29:31
  Do we use absolutes? 100% of the time. 110%. Whenever somebody, now that I know this, anytime somebody says 100%, they don't know what they're talking about. We need a new WhatsApp reaction emoji that instead of... 99.9. Our sponsor, Meta, for this episode. Please change it. Thank you, Mark. Change it to 99.9. Appreciate you. Can you bring the real guns rather than this Nerf gun? What's going on? Come on. Nerf gun? Yeah. Oh, that's Apple, I think.
• 30:01
  Apple does Nerf guns. Before there was a real gun as an emoji. And now there's like a Nerf gun. Now, for a very long time. Wow. What happened to us?
• 30:13
  We confuse dangerous with uncomfortable. What do you mean? People got scared of things. Like what? Like an emoji? Yeah, the conversation. Think of the guy in charge of emojis. Like somebody comes to him, his boss is like, you know what? We had some complaints. I think we should change the gun to the emoji, to the Nerf gun. What was the complaint? Okay, let's just play that out. You know, Karen, she was like,
• 30:36
  Okay, put yourself in a caring position. Like, what Karen has to say. Billy's gonna want to use guns. This needs to change. Why, Karen? Why Billy's one? Billy's my son. Is he overweight? You know, he just loves the snacks, so I have to give them to him. Okay, good. Billy, overweight. Well, he gets so sad. What happened with the real emoji gun? Why Billy has a f***ing cell phone? Well, he won't talk to me if I don't give it to him. Told me I'm a bad mom. Billy's accurate.
• 31:03
  I got my first and second divorce because my husband said this too. You're on his, are you his friend? Your ex-husband is right. So let's go back to the emoji. So Billy, overweight, nine-year-old with a cell phone. What's the problem? He shoots me with the Nerf guns and before you know it, it's going to be real guns. How can we solve that problem with changing the emoji? He won't be thinking about real guns ever. He won't even know they exist. They're out of his life. When I say I love you, he emojis a gun. What does he mean by that? What do you think that's me? He's going to kill me.
• 31:33
  I think you're right. He gets really angry when I unplug the video game. Sometimes he hits me. And the computer, I don't touch his computer. There's some viruses. He might be on weird things on them. Where do you think that he got that? His, my ex-husband. It's all his fault. All right, Karen. Thank you. Thank you for coming to the pod. All right. Anyhow, Tim, bring up, bring back the real gun emojis, please.
• 31:55
  I didn't know that. That is interesting. Wait, let's tie in. So unconscious thoughts. I think the other one that's been really interesting we're talking about for two days. I'm red pilling you. I'm planting a seed and a virus in your head. Is the, I need it. I need my coffee to start the day.
• 32:15
  topic. Do we need a workout buddy or group in our life, in our business? Why yes, why no? I have a very strong opinion based on my experience. What's your opinion? I think it's better to flip away from business and just think about the body. It's unequivocal that you can see these studies that show somebody who has a workout buddy that goes to the gym with them is way more successful working out and gets in way better shape. Why does that happen? It's a great question.
• 32:43
  I started doing this two months ago. I hadn't been in the gym in forever. And I was like, I want to build some muscle. So my buddy, who's an amazing human working with on a new business, he was like, come to the gym with me. I go every day. And he goes by himself. So I was like, oof, I can't do that. That's amazing. I started going with him. He said, it's so awesome having you come because on the days I don't want to go, you text me and say, hey, what time are we going? And I don't want to let you down.
• 33:08
  That's interesting because I was thinking that maybe it's a little bit different than the relationship because he knows everything. He tells you he's like your coach. So for you, it's awesome. I flipped it to start with him because mine is very obvious. Okay, I don't have the muscle mass I want. I'm not consistent. I don't know what I'm doing. He's been doing it almost every day for 10 years, like nine or 10 years. He's basically like the benefit of a personal trainer to get this body in shape. And I think it's way easier to forget about business for a second and just agree upon that.
• 33:38
  Do you agree that's a no-brainer? Definitely for me and potentially based on what he said for him as well. And I will mention, I'm mentoring him a bit in business. I just am older and have more experience. So we're usually talking, like we're lifting, he's telling me what to do. Then we're talking about a business thing and I'm talking to him about what I would do. And I never thought about this until this conversation. That crossover is powerful.
• 34:02
  Yes, I think that having someone that you need to show up for, someone that you need to deliver something, whatever that is. Let's say you are doing a presentation and you have a group of peers that are waiting for you. If you have to do it alone by yourself, most likely you will not do it. You will not see the value. But having that pressure that, okay, you need to deliver for them,
• 34:28
  I think that that is very powerful. And my experience when I started, we created a mastermind. I don't know if I shared this in the podcast. And that mastermind was, for some people, very intense. If you think about what we were doing, it's very simple. Every single person in the mastermind needed to come up with a presentation about not only about their business, but also what were the hacks, the things that they were doing. But for them, we were all in the same space. So that way, people can walk away with it.
• 34:56
  10 different things that they learn that they can implement in their own business. But also there is a showing up, okay, what's your P&L? What is your top line? What is your bottom line? And then getting interviewed or questioned by peer group that we only want that person to win. I think that is a critical part. And also the way that we created the incentives was very powerful because there was no money involved. There was no money involved. There's not, okay, I put the mastermind together, I am making money. No. No.
• 35:25
  There is, I am putting a lot of time on my own, organizing it, and we are just collecting, we are paying and we are dividing equally all the costs. We are renting one big house, we go there for three nights, and there's only one requirement, which is...
• 35:40
  This is powerful. Before we hit this, I just want to make sure something's clear for somebody. It's like, what the heck are you talking about, Pablo? You guys were competitors, but you weren't really competitors because it was the same industry, but you weren't directly competing. Is that right? It's interesting because some people were in the same space. So this is e-commerce. So you are selling, let's just say, selling things online on Amazon. Well, if you go on Amazon, the first page is whatever, 60 products. To be honest, if I am competing with you, I prefer that you are my competitor.
• 36:10
  rather than the person that I don't know. Now, there was some drama. There was some people that did something that was maybe not very cool. And then some people got upset, but a couple. There is insecurity. And if you're feeling secure, then you may want to do something that is not very cool. Doesn't matter. The bottom line is that's just bottom 1%. 99% was spectacular. And we had to show up.
• 36:35
  Me knowing that the only, okay, coming back to what is the only requirement is we need to bring value to the group. Now, what does that mean? It's not very clear cut. Did you bring value? Yes or no. But you can feel it. You can feel when someone is holding back. Pablo can make it clear. You can. But when you tell them what you did, it's beautiful.
• 36:54
  Well, so the first event, we said this before we started the event, we were like 24 sellers, I think, 24 entrepreneurs in Las Vegas in a house that we rented. We bought some tables. We bought two microphones. We bought speakers because we were just allowed. So people don't need to shout. We have a microphone and we can give the presentation with the microphone. And before we started, I said, guys, the only currency here is value. You need to bring value to people.
• 37:21
  So just imagine 24 presentations. In my opinion, there were a couple of people that were holding back. They were not sharing what they are doing. And these are big businesses. And when I say big business, they are doing 5 million, 10 million in revenue. Plus, we call those takers, not makers. You don't get to that point. Just
• 37:40
  doing the normal things that everyone says that they do. You're doing something. And now all of a sudden you are sharing. Okay. So the moment came, we are just wrapping up and I'm like, wait, there's a couple of people here that did not really live up to what we spoke. Dead weight. They were just extra.
• 37:57
  That was my perception. I might be wrong. So I say, guys, before we leave, just grab your phone or go to the WhatsApp group, find me, send me a direct message. And if, in your opinion, there is one, two, three, ten people, whatever, that did not bring value as we spoke,
• 38:12
  as we agreed, then just tell me the name. And if there is some consensus in the group, then I will let that person know that it's not invited anymore in the group. And it happened that almost everyone voted those two people. Not because I said, but because it's obvious. Mic drop. This is what's so powerful. He flipped it. So most groups are like, did everybody have a good time? Yeah, everybody. You flipped it and said, who was actually creating a feeling of not a good time?
• 38:39
  Well, I wouldn't say like that. To me, it's not a good time. To me, it's we agree on something. Nobody here is making money out of this. There's only one currency. You need to bring value to the group. You did not bring value to the group. You should be out. It was just very simple. And they had the value. For whatever reason, they decided not to.
• 38:56
  So all this to say, for me, having a peer group where I am living life, it's critical. I wish I can do everything on my own and I don't need anyone. That would be wonderful. But that's not my case.
• 39:11
  I think so. But I don't know, maybe there are some special people. The place we are sitting right now has a sign up on the wall and it hits me so deep. It says, no man is an island. That's deep. And I think this is the point you're actually saying. In our mind, especially in Western America, there's this individualistic, I can do it all on my own. No man's an island.
• 39:30
  No man can do it all on their own. And you're saying this by the peer group. There's a unique perspective, personality type, angle, life history that allows them to see this differently. And when they say, I tested this and it was amazing. Now you guys all benefit from that. And then you do the same on something else.
• 39:45
  And I think that's the underlying point that's so obvious with our bodies, right? There's workout groups, there's workout clubs. You want to, you said it so clearly, you want to show up for someone else. I think that's actually ties to when someone sells their business. They don't have to show up for anyone. And it's actually very depressing and sad because you don't have to show up for your employees, your customers, and you've lost, you now feel like an island and no man is an island.
• 40:05
  Now, I think tying this back to the point, this is a great brainstorm on, is we both agree on the physical exercise, workout buddies better. Like we both said, we want to go to the gym more. I've been going more often than you, I think because the workout buddy, not because I'm better than you. It's just I have somebody I want to show up for. I enjoy being with him. I enjoy learning. So I'm at a high rate. And the studies show that.
• 40:25
  When you have somebody you want to show up for to work out with, you show up, you do it. Here's the flip. We're working out the bicep. What about the most important muscle in the brain that consumes most of our nutrients? That's our brain. I'm not connecting too much about the word showing up in this sense. So, for example, we get together. I don't feel like, okay, I need to show up for Peter. I don't have that feeling. But, for example, with a group, with a group that we are part of,
• 40:52
  I feel like I need to show up. Now we're talking about needs, right? I want to show up. I want to be, because this is also like, why do I want to show up? Well, because I want to win. Not, it's a competition with my previous self, right?
• 41:07
  And that's the only person we should compete with. So I want to win in life. I want to win in all these different areas of life. Can I do it alone? Most likely not. Do I have way more odds to succeed if I am living life with like-minded people? Yes, that's what I want. So the cool thing about, and this just works for me, when I have, okay, I have a deadline. On Monday, I have to deliver, let's say, a presentation or a talk. I have to show up.
• 41:36
  I want to show up also. Yeah, I personally don't have right now a workout body, like to work out with a person. Do you think you'd be better off if you did? This would be, let's say, we live in the same area because I enjoy something else than just the workout. There's a deeper bond. The workout is like an excuse and we are just killing two birds with one stone.
• 41:57
  And this is, I enjoy that other, my workout buddy, he gives me good ideas. I give him good ideas, which is powerful. I think the bond I'm trying to push is we know we're better off when we find the workout buddy in the gym that we like to go to the gym with. We like to be friends with. On my bad day, they drag me in. On my good day, their bad day, I drag them. Right? And not a drag, but hey, man, let's do this. Don't fail on me here.
• 42:18
  That's just a human nature thing. Why don't we have that in life, right? And I'm not talking about a therapist. Because I don't think that exists. Well, guess what? Mic drop starts here today. And I mean this sincerely, right? So look at what are we essentially. What do you mean? It starts today. I think it's an accountability. If I'm listening to this right now, 99% of people do not have a mastermind group, have not done the whole lived experience you have. So they're like, man, I haven't started that business. I'm in a mediocre job or I'm not doing what I want to. The first step is getting one other person who's on the ride.
• 42:48
  I think about my college roommate. We lived in a college fraternity with 100 rooms. We were the only room without, guess what? What was not in our room that every other room had? Every other room in the house of 100 men had a TV, except ours. We agreed TV was just not part of our college experience because we were really focused.
• 43:05
  Then we started studying together. Then we started doing everything together. And boom, we both took off to accomplish our goals. I look at in life, right? This podcast for me has been, you're an accountability partner, where now we come to this realization that we should be saying want, not need. Well, now when I say need, you make fun of me. You make a joke. You make it a fun thing of we're sparring. You've just made me better. I stopped using...
• 43:28
  You're a big fan, right, when I use these fillers of, like, I'm being funny. I flipped it. You're not a big fan of it. So you hold me accountable. And that's helping my brain get less fat. My brain is in better shape. It's sharper. It's more present. It's more intentional with every word I use. You've become a workout buddy when we're together. Now, let's think about, I'm just, I'm Billy, right? I'm this guy that's struggling. Where does Billy start? The first thing is you sit down and you say, who can I text to be my workout buddy, my mental workout buddy? First is, what do I want?
• 43:57
  I used to say that. I would flip it to say who, not how. No, no, no. What? What do I want? Because if Billy wants, let's say, to get in shape, okay, that's one area of life. If Billy wants to run an incredible business, that's a different area of life. And sometimes you're so lucky that the same person matches these two areas, but maybe not. Maybe it's a different who. And I think they can play with it. Part of it to me would be, okay, I like what you're saying of what is the big why? Where do I want to be in 10 years and this, that, or the other?
• 44:27
  20 years. No, I'm just making it way simpler. What do I want to achieve? What do I want? I'm not going to even get in the psychology of like, why do I want that? Like, let's just say you want to get in shape. Fantastic. You want to find the woman or the man of your dream that you want to get married. Fantastic.
• 44:44
  You want to start a successful business that allows you to quit your office job and to live life on your own terms. Fantastic. Well, you may find one person that matches all these areas, and that's your accountability person, your accountability buddy, or maybe not. Maybe you need one person for the gym, one person for business, one person for something else.
• 45:05
  This is great. And I agree with you. What you want. Because it's easy. It's way easier to say, okay, who's the person that I admire? In this area. In this area, in health, in gym, in nutrition. Okay, I know the person. Great. Then I just tag along. Hey, when are you going to the gym? Do you mind if I go with you? I really admire you and I really want to X, Y, Z. This is the goal that I want to achieve. Can I? And they're probably so excited to use all their knowledge and ability.
• 45:29
  If I'm not where I want to be, a lot of it comes back to you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And if you're thinking about the accountability partner you want, the gym buddy, the professional buddy, and it's not one of the five or ten people you spend the most time with, you probably need to have some friendship breakups. And you probably need to explain to them, hey, I don't think I'm the right friend right now. I just want to be clear with you. I don't think I'm able to help you get what you want to do.
• 45:55
  I don't think I'm able to help you get what you want in life. You're not on the same journey that I'm looking to be on. And this is not, you're going to be the average of them. So if they're here, here, here, here, you're going to end up around here. If they're up two or three times higher than in whatever area, gym, work, professional, their marriage, you want to emulate them, as you said. What I'm challenging people to think about is just the professional sense.
• 46:16
  I'm not talking about hiring a coach that you pay hourly. I'm not talking about hiring a therapist. I'm saying find someone that is on a professional journey that's either ahead of you or you think there's a potential to go as fast as you. Commit to them. Hey, I want us to really be chatting weekly, a couple times a week, to hold each other accountable to what we're going to do.
• 46:37
  And there's a really great book, The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin, that talks about what motivation people have. So I'm a rebel on that, which means if someone tells me to do it, I do the opposite. You're in the same way. If you're told to do it, you want to show that you're, well, there's other types. There's an obliger, which actually will only do it when someone else is expecting them to do it.
• 46:56
  Only time they'll do it. A polder, they will do it when they are told to. A questioner will do it when they've questioned and it makes sense for them. So those are four different motivations of externally, if somebody says to do something. I'm not sure that I'm a rebel. You're probably a questioner, actually.
• 47:11
  Yeah, you're a questioner, but it's a Venn diagram, so we have a little overlap of similarities. But yeah, you're a questioner. You're a questioner at all. Now, think about professionally. This is my big challenge. I had this epiphany last night was if you don't have a single friend that would want to listen to this podcast, hear what we're saying, disagree and say, oh, they're an idiot on these things. But oh my gosh.
• 47:30
  That is so right. I need to stop saying need. I want to only say want. And then hold you accountable. You're in the wrong stadium, bro. What you're saying is, if you are listening to us and you agree with the things that we are saying, or the things that we are saying make you think...
• 47:47
  And you agree maybe with some, but then there is nobody in your group of friends that would have a similar position. Then you are in the wrong group. Wrong group of friends. You're headed down a bad path. And I get it. I've known him since I was in kindergarten. That's a length of the relationship. That doesn't quantify the depth of it.
• 48:06
  So how do you break up? I mean, you kind of share an example right now, but I remember that you shared a real example with me when you broke up with... Yeah, a friend. Maybe just share the whole thing. Share the name, address, phone number. I thought about this a lot. I think we're in this really pathetic situation
• 48:26
  time right now where because so many relationships are digital, people aren't worried about running into someone and feeling the emotion of the embarrassment, the shame of doing something pathetic. And look, I'm guilty as anybody that has done this or embarrassed by this, but I'm pushing myself to say, if I don't want to do it,
• 48:43
  I've talked about this. There's two reasons I don't want to do it. Either one, it's actually dangerous, which is very rare, almost never. Or two, it's just uncomfortable and I probably should do it. So let's think about this realistically. I had a friend I've known since I was 15 years old, talked to for most of my life every day and then it got to be kind of every week and then it was kind of every month, every couple of weeks as we got older into our 30s and life happened. And then they were still like living in my brain and I'd still get texts and I'd still get calls and I'd still interact.
• 49:12
  And I just realized we were on way different paths. What we wanted, what we were focused on, it just became very clear. And so I realized I have two paths. I can just kind of stop answering. I was like, no, I wanted to do that. I was like, yeah, let's just stop answering and no more texts, calls. Oh, you know, and it's kind of, oh, things just kind of drifted apart. It's like, no, I want to do that. Okay, is this dangerous? No, it's not dangerous. Like this person's not going to kill me. Is it uncomfortable? Yeah, it's uncomfortable.
• 49:38
  Oh, I'm just scared of a 10 minute phone call. So I literally called the person. You know, I think they're a great person. They're not a great, they're not the right friend for me right now, right? I want to increase my amount of time with Pablo and some other friends. Well, I only have so many hours in the day. So I called him and I said, hey, I don't think I flip it.
• 49:55
  Wait, wait, just one thing on that. To me, that is a bad excuse. I want to increase with another friend and I don't have enough hours. You have no interest in that person for now. Maybe ever again, who knows? So meaning...
• 50:10
  That would be kind of like an excuse. I'm too busy right now, rather than saying like, you know what? I don't really want to spend time with this person. I love you challenging me on it because you're right. Here's another reason that I think you're right on this is what about when I look around and I have zero people I can text about the podcast or share the link? I need to clear out all of my friends who open the door to start thinking about and be prepared for being this new person.
• 50:33
  And just one more thing. This doesn't apply only to this podcast, applies to anything, a book that you're reading, anything that you're interested that you say, oh, my gosh, I want this. Let's say you want to go to the gym and you have no friends that will be like, yeah, let's go together. That's probably because they are all drinking or whatever they are doing. A friend of mine is he's single. You know, he's been single. He's in later 30s.
• 50:53
  And I always joke, he collects these girls with problems. And it's, you know, he calls me, he's like, oh man, you wouldn't believe she's doing X, Y, and Z. And I'm like, are you trying to fix her or marry her? And he's like, I'm trying to fix her. Like, she's got a lot of problems. I'm like, is that what you want? Like, do you want to just, and sometimes it's like two to three girls, he's not dating. He's just gone on a date here, a date there. And all of them, he's just explaining how messed up they are. And he's trying to fix them. And I'm like, what do you want to do that?
• 51:18
  I think we subconsciously fall into, well, these are my kindergarten friends. These are my high school friends. These are my college friends. These are my work friends. And we believe that we need to just keep being the same person with them in the same way with them. And that's an unconscious belief that I'm trying to shake you. I would grab you by the shoulders. I'd grab old Peter and say, dude, no, you don't have to do that. There's another path to consider. And this is a great way to evaluate what path you're on. So finish the story. What did you say to this person?
• 51:45
  I just got on the phone and I said, I flipped it to start with me. I was like, I don't think I'm going to be a good friend to you right now. They're like, what do you mean? You're really nice. I was like, we don't talk as much. I don't feel like we have a lot in common. And the goals that I have versus what you have are just very different in life. I don't think I'm a good friend. And I don't think it's right for us to be spending a bunch of time communicating, text, phone calls, whatever.
• 52:06
  They thought I was joking. They were like, you know, what do you mean? Like, it's so fun and funny. Like, we poke jokes. And so whenever we take blame for something, the human nature is the other person wants to say no. So the response was, hey, you know, look, was I too hard on you? And I was like, no, no, no, I invite those that are correct to tell me where I'm wrong.
• 52:27
  When you're saying these things, it's not something that I feel is helping me. It's not something that I agree with or align on. And I think we just see the world very differently. And I don't think that's good for your energy and the path you're going on and you being the best version of yourself. And I don't think it's the best for me.
• 52:40
  And then the response was like, hey, so are you, and this person's single, so I think you have to add in that, you know, they're looking for a partner and they were like, well, is this, so is this a friendship breakup? And I said, you can call it whatever you want, but I don't want to hold you back from a better use of your time and I don't want to hold me back either. This is...
• 52:59
  Kind of rough memory of the conversation. How did you feel after? Oh, like 10 pounds was lifted. Look, I was proud of myself. I could go look in the mirror and be like, okay, Peter, you're not a pathetic human that just is too scared to have the real big boy conversation. You had the conversation, so I felt better. Now, look, a week later, two weeks later, I'm getting texts from them. I just didn't answer. But I didn't answer knowing that I had already made it clear. They're just testing the boundaries. They're just testing if I'm serious. Right?
• 53:24
  Now it's been a year or two. I haven't, you know, after that first couple months, no calls, no texts. And I truly believe, I said, look, I care about you. I think you're a great person. This isn't a personal attack or, you know, any of that. We're not a match anymore. Yeah, it's just not a match anymore. It's like, look, I don't regret any of the time we spent. It's not saying like you're a bad person and I hate you. But if somebody, if you look around and don't see people you're inspired by, whether it's in the gym, and this isn't about money. This isn't like my friends should be rich. No, I'm not saying that at all.
• 53:54
  Right. I think the coolest friendships are the ones that you dealt, like you dated a girl before you had money. Oh, you know, they're there for you were buddies with a friend before you were famous or rich or any of that. Those are the relationships you're like, oh, wow, this is my boy. This is this is my dude. Right. We were down in the trenches, you know, holding each other accountable, giving us every text, saying, dude, don't use this excuse.
• 54:17
  And that is so much deeper and more powerful. The problem is we just subconsciously are stumbling through life with kindergarten friends. Well, you know, my parents were friends and then we met each other and we became friends. And like, I can't, I can't stop answering his texts. I can't not do a call with him a week. Yes, you can. And if you don't, you're not going to like where you end up. So bottom line, think who do you need to break up with?
• 54:43
  And think who do you need to spend more time as an accountability buddy in whatever area of your life that you want to improve? This could be your best buddy, right? It's your drinking buddy. We get beers every Friday night. We play golf, then get beers, and that's my time to get away. Maybe time to part ways and appreciate them. And this is where, look, I used to hate goodbyes.
• 55:01
  I would avoid them at all costs in all areas of life. Then I realized, no, you need to be more ceremonial and actually give respect to the experience. If it's somebody you're never going to see again, I used to be like, oh, I'll see you later. And then I'd run off. Now I want to be intentional of, if I never see you again, I really appreciate this time we had together.
• 55:21
  It's recognize what it is. Don't be scared that it's over and appreciate them. Whether that's the end of the friendship, whether that's the end of, you know, a powerful weekend with someone, just recognize it. Don't be scared and run away the way I used to. Hit it and move on. And you'll be so much happier with yourself. You'll look in the mirror and go, wow, I deserve to be successful in the gym professionally in my relationship. But it all starts with who you're surrounding yourself. You're getting their playbook constantly.
• 55:48
  So the person who's like, oh, you know, I'm really getting healthy while they're crushing their McDonald's or their junk food. Yeah, let's check the receipts, as you say. Let's flip it. Let's see what they're actually doing. And I think my final goal direction is if you're listening to this podcast and even 30% of what we say, you're like, oh, this is interesting. I should start trying this.
• 56:08
  and you look around and no one's in the room in your local town, community, city, college, wherever, that you feel they're out there, right? They're probably down the block from you. But if you don't test the waters, and I think testing the waters is, yes, I'm pumping up our podcast, but we're not making money off this. We don't get anything from it. It's to encourage our future children, the people that we're close with, to go make the change themselves, find the people that want to commit to this, and then test this. Start giving each other
• 56:35
  They're using the word need and joke with them. You know, poke fun at them. Use, be an accountability partner. Be a workout buddy on the biggest muscle, our brain. Not only make fun, but also you can say. Seriously, too. In a serious way. Totally. Love it. What do you think? What do you think? Challenge it. Flip it. You know, I think about going online. You find these great workout tips. Yeah.
• 56:56
  right? Use these as workout tips, but find your partner to work out with. And these aren't physical workout. These are mental workout tips. And you and I love doing this with each other, right? You are essentially a gym buddy for the mind. The podcast serves as it. If we commit to something, even subtly, you're going to now hold me accountable when I'm not doing that thing in real life, whether it's fillers, whether it's using need. And it just makes it more fun because we progress so
• 57:25
  Yeah, I really struggle finding examples of people that progress much faster just going alone. And the problem is, I think that we're told this through stories. It's like, oh, and the guy went through the night all on his own. And it's a fallacy. Like, if you look at most of the really incredible teams, right, teams, whatever, there's a yin and yang, Sherlock and Holmes. There's a balance of yin and yang on the team, the company, the founding partners, whatever. Now, whatever it is, and maybe it's more the individualistic society that we have now is like,
• 57:54
  Well, Jim did it all on his own. I think that they didn't. They didn't. You just don't know the full story. And it's not even them necessarily. It's usually whoever's telling the story wants to make it sound heroic. And what I would say is if you don't have that group, because I guess that that's where most people are, like, I don't have that group. So go create it. Go make it happen. And you did that with your mastermind. You saw, you went to an event. You were disappointed with they're trying to charge all the money. So you just picked your favorite people. Yeah.
• 58:18
  The incentives were totally misaligned because the guy that was charging, he was not a seller. He wanted to get all the sellers to speak. And the guy is a marketer. So he was most likely going to regurgitate everything that we said and package and sell it. I'm like, this makes no sense. This is not an environment that is conducive for people to share their secrets. Their most important secrets that are making their businesses successful. So this makes no sense. We need to align incentives. This is my allocator mind.
• 58:47
  The incentives are misaligned. We need to align incentives. When we align incentives, when we are all rowing in the same direction, we're going to win. We're going to be successful. Because I've met three or four people that were in that group, and they say, that changed my life, changed my business, changed everything. Here's a deep thought. I actually think, why does society push this individualistic narrative of, oh, it was one guy all on his own, put the team on their back? I think it's this belief that then when most of us hear that story, we say, oh, I could never be, I could never do that.
• 59:16
  And it gives us a better feeling of being a victim to be like, well, I didn't have the things he had. I couldn't have done that journey. So it makes us feel safer as a victim, right, of like, oh, I can't go climb that mountain by myself. But when you get the teammate, you're like each step, someone's like, oh, yeah, here's how to make that step a little better. And I say the same thing to my teammate. And we do climb the mountain.
• 59:37
  And it's a way more fun journey to go on versus this scam. It's a complete scam to think he did it all on his own. No, he didn't. Absolutely not. And I don't care who's telling the story, writing the book, sharing it that way. That's not true. You don't know his Sherlock and Holmes. You don't know his yin and yang.
• 59:54
  Just because you don't know him doesn't mean he wasn't there. Now, pulling back to this is realizing find that person in your life. Find those people in your life. And you're right. One could be in gym. One could be in spiritual life. One could be in how to be a better husband or boyfriend. But find those people you look up to. Tell them your goal, as you said, and go up this mountain journey with them together. Boom. All right.