Latest / Very Fine Friends / Bonus EPISODE - Bumper Boulevard

Transcript

Bonus EPISODE - Bumper Boulevard · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  we should do karaoke you guys absolutely just kidding i hate karaoke so something
• 0:29
  I noticed about, I think I've said this to you before, but I hear it every time now.
• 0:32
  I'm like, every time we talk about anything, I'm like, you're going to love this.
• 0:35
  You're going to love, oh, you're going to love this.
• 0:39
  I'm going to try not to say that.
• 0:40
  Why?
• 0:41
  I love it when you say you're going to love this.
• 0:43
  It gets me all excited for.
• 0:45
  You're just like, if there only was a way I could have known ahead of time, I was going
• 0:48
  to love it.
• 0:49
  I don't know how to feel about things now.
• 0:51
  I hate this.
• 0:52
  Did I tell you about my neighbor from my last house?
• 0:58
  No.
• 0:58
  are you sure?
• 1:00
  I don't think so.
• 1:02
  I hate to repeat myself.
• 1:03
  If you do, I'll just slap you.
• 1:05
  If I've heard it, I'll slap you.
• 1:07
  Roll me out of this house onto the lawn.
• 1:10
  Anyway,
• 1:11
  my last house, my dad
• 1:13
  was talking to, I came home
• 1:15
  and he had the neighbor in the house
• 1:16
  and I was like, that's unsettling.
• 1:19
  I'm like, I just want to be home.
• 1:21
  Don't bring people here.
• 1:23
  You don't have
• 1:25
  friends' privileges.
• 1:26
  you just live here the room i pay for um no but so the neighbor wasn't there we hardly ever like
• 1:33
  he was fine it was like kind of like a wave casual talk situation so he's in the house and i'm like
• 1:37
  okay just got off work whatever and my dad kept like hinting that we should go on the patio and
• 1:43
  just like hang out with the neighbor and i'm like okay so i got to a point where i i kept ignoring
• 1:51
  it because i didn't want to and then it was just like awkward so i was like should we go to the
• 1:54
  patio and might i was like yeah so we went on the patio and i had like speakers out there
• 1:59
  and um he's like why don't you put on some music for us i'm like okay is this like a date like
• 2:07
  what's happening you're setting me up with our neighbor so i put on a 70s playlist like 70s hits
• 2:13
  because that seemed appropriate yeah there's some great stuff in there yeah and um that song
• 2:20
  um who is it it's like uh oh great now that i'm on the spot i'm not gonna be able to johnny mathis
• 2:27
  nope credence clearwater revival no no no it was like uh i'm gonna guess this
• 2:34
  oh there's an s there's an s involved uh sticks let's see if the song's important okay so anyway
• 2:42
  the song probably not the uh so we're talking and his daughter had just gone uh or was about
• 2:51
  to go to college and my dad was like we were just casually talking about it and he's like oh yeah
• 2:56
  she's gonna go whatever and the guy and my dad goes francis is never leaving me and he did like
• 3:01
  this like little annoying giggle thing and um this is so like this is true 100 true
• 3:11
  so we're in the middle of a conversation i'm talking in the and my neighbor just stands up
• 3:16
  says nothing and leaves what like he got up in the middle of the conversation and like went into
• 3:23
  the house and i looked into the arcadia doors i was like oh maybe he has to go to the bathroom
• 3:27
  and he just kept going past the hallway and i'm watching him like go to the front door and then
• 3:32
  he just left and my dad and i were like what if oh i know what happened i think i know what happened
• 3:40
  too but in the moment we were just like what i think you activated like something like he is like
• 3:45
  a sleeper spy for like the russian government or our government yeah why throw rushed under the bus
• 3:53
  yeah and you whatever phrase you said just like clicked on and he like so now like did any famous
• 4:00
  political figures get assassinated immediately after that oh gosh i don't know i was so busy
• 4:06
  trying to figure out what happened.
• 4:07
  I turned the news off.
• 4:09
  Salisbury.
• 4:11
  Salisbury Hill?
• 4:11
  Salisbury Hill, yeah.
• 4:13
  Salisbury.
• 4:15
  Salisbury Hill.
• 4:16
  Because I remember he was walking in with
• 4:17
  dun, dun, dun, dun.
• 4:19
  And we were just like,
• 4:21
  where's he going?
• 4:21
  My stomach's going.
• 4:25
  He said, just grab those steaks.
• 4:27
  It's time to take you home.
• 4:30
  Yeah, but we never like addressed it again.
• 4:33
  And like,
• 4:34
  what were you talking about at the time do you remember i think that school if i had to guess
• 4:39
  either we were really boring he's like i can't do this anymore or like maybe it was like he didn't
• 4:46
  want to think about like the emotional stuff going on with like oh my that baby's going to school
• 4:52
  uh i really hope it was just like a power move just like i'm done i'm out i'm not even gonna
• 5:00
  waste any more time with these
• 5:02
  people to tell them that I'm
• 5:05
  leaving. It kind of ruined my night.
• 5:08
  Well, I apologize
• 5:09
  for that, but I do like it as a
• 5:11
  just like, oh, you can just get up and walk
• 5:13
  away if you want to.
• 5:14
  I guess I respect that. Yeah, no one's forcing you
• 5:16
  to be anywhere. Yeah.
• 5:19
  Thank you, neighbor.
• 5:21
  Whoa, no.
• 5:23
  Maybe, yeah, maybe that's... Maybe it was
• 5:24
  a song. Yeah.
• 5:27
  Made him hungry You know what It sells for his steak We just smell steak in the yard next door You smell brown gravy He humming the song while he cooking
• 5:38
  Anyway.
• 5:41
  All right, well, thank you, neighbor, for empowering me.
• 5:45
  Oh, welcome to Friends Like Us.
• 5:49
  A bonus episode.
• 5:52
  Bonus.
• 5:54
  Bone-yals.
• 5:55
  Bone-yals.
• 5:57
  Bone. Bone, yes!
• 6:01
  Thanks for being here.
• 6:04
  All you subscribers.
• 6:06
  We appreciate you.
• 6:07
  We appreciate you so much.
• 6:08
  We're up to a thousand now.
• 6:10
  Really? Is it just that?
• 6:12
  Last I checked, it was over 7,300.
• 6:15
  It was a thousand a minute.
• 6:16
  Sorry, I wasn't clear.
• 6:17
  Oh, okay. That makes more sense.
• 6:19
  Because you checked eight minutes ago.
• 6:21
  Yes. My watch stopped.
• 6:23
  Yeah.
• 6:23
  At exactly eight minutes ago.
• 6:25
  Yeah.
• 6:25
  Well, yeah, thank you all for subscribing.
• 6:28
  We really appreciate it.
• 6:31
  Francis.
• 6:34
  I don't know.
• 6:35
  I got you mid-drink in the ice.
• 6:38
  It clinks.
• 6:39
  No, that was a glacier melting.
• 6:42
  Okay.
• 6:45
  I was led to believe you had some kind of societal invention.
• 6:48
  Yeah, I do.
• 6:50
  Okay, I want to hear about it.
• 6:51
  So this has nothing to do with rage.
• 6:54
  Oh, dang it.
• 6:55
  All right.
• 6:55
  Well, I want to hear about it less.
• 6:57
  I'm not going to love this.
• 6:58
  I'm sorry.
• 6:59
  I'm going to like this.
• 7:00
  I'm telling your therapist about this one.
• 7:02
  No, that's why I did the disclaimer.
• 7:04
  It's just a fun thing that came to me in traffic today.
• 7:07
  Okay.
• 7:08
  So I thought, because sometimes I fantasize about hitting other cars lightly.
• 7:14
  You know, just like coming up against the side and just hitting them.
• 7:17
  Yeah.
• 7:17
  Then keep going.
• 7:18
  Yeah.
• 7:19
  It was like a fun joke.
• 7:21
  Just like run them off the road real quick.
• 7:23
  Yeah, they're okay.
• 7:25
  We're waving.
• 7:26
  They're laughing.
• 7:27
  They're into it?
• 7:28
  Yeah.
• 7:29
  Okay.
• 7:29
  So I just thought to myself, oh my God, how cool would it be if there was like a corner
• 7:32
  of town, so it was a real town with lights and buildings and everything, and you could
• 7:39
  go into this corner of town and it could be like bumper cars with real cars.
• 7:44
  Real life bumper cars?
• 7:44
  Everyone knows like at any point you could be mashed.
• 7:47
  Is that what the demolition derby is too?
• 7:50
  But it's not in town.
• 7:54
  Okay.
• 7:54
  why would anyone go there if they didn't have a disposable car like most people need their cars
• 8:01
  why don't you set up a bumper car thing no it has to be
• 8:05
  i want i want it i want to be hit at 35 well you could but but what like why not do it with
• 8:13
  other people's car but are you or is there something to be said whether you're having
• 8:19
  your own car.
• 8:21
  What if
• 8:21
  it's
• 8:23
  your car's
• 8:25
  ready to be
• 8:25
  junked?
• 8:26
  Okay.
• 8:27
  Like the mechanic's like
• 8:28
  it's done.
• 8:29
  And you're like
• 8:29
  well I don't
• 8:30
  You only got a few
• 8:30
  miles left.
• 8:32
  Take it to town.
• 8:35
  Take it to that
• 8:35
  corner of town.
• 8:36
  Yeah but then
• 8:37
  those like organizations
• 8:38
  are like
• 8:38
  donate your car
• 8:39
  and you're like
• 8:40
  Cars for kids?
• 8:41
  Hell no.
• 8:42
  Suck it.
• 8:43
  I'm going to
• 8:44
  Bumper Boulevard.
• 8:46
  Wouldn't it be fun?
• 8:47
  I mean you wear a helmet
• 8:48
  and you put like a
• 8:48
  tooth guard in and mouth guard i meant yeah i know i like tooth guard for your one favorite tooth
• 8:55
  and just like go bananas yeah would you go with me yeah i'd do it yeah uh i like the way that you
• 9:05
  said i want to get hit at 35 like like someone talking about their age milestones like i want
• 9:11
  Get married at 30, hit at 35, divorced by 40.
• 9:17
  Well?
• 9:19
  Yeah, I think.
• 9:21
  No head-on, no T-boning.
• 9:23
  We're talking sideswipe or bumper.
• 9:27
  Okay.
• 9:27
  I'm glad that there are rules,
• 9:28
  because otherwise this would very quickly just be like,
• 9:31
  everyone's demolished.
• 9:33
  Right, then you can only do one hit.
• 9:35
  Yeah.
• 9:35
  I'm trying to make an afternoon of this.
• 9:38
  I got the kids for the weekend.
• 9:39
  They're in the back.
• 9:40
  I don't know what to do with them.
• 9:41
  you could go into buildings
• 9:43
  like you've never wanted to drive into a
• 9:46
  glass building
• 9:48
  I have always wondered
• 9:51
  like you ever see like on the news
• 9:53
  like the people that just like don't stop driving
• 9:55
  and they drive into like yeah like the side of a Denny's
• 9:57
  or something that's what I'm talking about
• 9:58
  yeah
• 9:59
  um
• 10:00
  I have wondered
• 10:05
  what that would be like
• 10:06
  yeah just yeah
• 10:09
  like the last man on earth I'd love that
• 10:11
  okay let's set it up okay mayors if you're listening and we know you are
• 10:18
  bumper boulevard let's just make it happen yeah cute yeah let's do it people want it
• 10:26
  the people want it charge money yeah so are we done talking about bumper boulevard
• 10:35
  i think i got my point across okay cool i think and the mayors have heard us loud and clear
• 10:40
  yeah and anyone and the governors oh governors too if you're listening if you have to like
• 10:46
  crack down i mean this would be a city thing yeah but if you need to crack down on your mayors
• 10:51
  which you won't have to they're subscribers yeah they're sizzlers all right yeah our sizzler mayors
• 10:57
  uh they they know what up yeah if you need to bury this in some other legislation to get it to happen Yeah It like school lunches and bumper boulevard Yeah
• 11:11
  Then that's fine.
• 11:12
  Do what you got to do.
• 11:13
  Yeah, we'll be here.
• 11:13
  Rooming.
• 11:14
  Yep.
• 11:15
  Foot on the gas pedal ready to go.
• 11:18
  Well, I have a couple questions for you.
• 11:21
  And they're kind of Desert Island related.
• 11:24
  Desert Island?
• 11:24
  Yeah.
• 11:25
  Oh, I love Desert Island questions.
• 11:28
  Okay.
• 11:28
  All right.
• 11:29
  well then you're gonna love this okay my first question
• 11:35
  you're stuck in a desert island i think that's probably a given sorry i didn't need to say that
• 11:42
  you only have you get to take one game with you now there's not a person there to play with you
• 11:50
  so it's not like an interactive game it's a game so like the other side will automatically
• 11:57
  move or whatever.
• 12:00
  Okay. What game are you
• 12:01
  bringing with you? So this is the game
• 12:03
  you get to play on the desert island and
• 12:04
  don't worry about the other end of it. There's not a human
• 12:07
  being on the other end but there
• 12:09
  will be another
• 12:11
  player I guess. An invisible
• 12:13
  player that you can't speak to or interact
• 12:15
  with. What game do you
• 12:17
  bring? I want to say it
• 12:19
  but I don't want them to get
• 12:21
  an advertisement for free.
• 12:23
  Well they're probably
• 12:25
  not subscribers because
• 12:26
  I don't know why they're not.
• 12:30
  I don't know.
• 12:30
  Minutes passed.
• 12:31
  They could be one of our new thousand.
• 12:32
  There we go.
• 12:33
  We just hit a million.
• 12:36
  So.
• 12:37
  Well, if the computer's playing, I'm probably going to.
• 12:40
  I'm probably just going to go with Monopoly Go.
• 12:44
  Oh, OK.
• 12:45
  Because every once in a while you get a hankering to play.
• 12:48
  And then like after 20 minutes, you're like, this sucks.
• 12:51
  And then two days later, it's like, I'm playing again.
• 12:55
  and if it's always going to do the other moves for me
• 12:57
  yeah like it's
• 12:59
  it is your opponent so you'd
• 13:01
  play
• 13:02
  so your game that you would pick
• 13:05
  is a game
• 13:07
  that you occasionally get a hankering for
• 13:09
  and that you get sick of
• 13:11
  after 20 minutes
• 13:12
  what else is there
• 13:14
  I mean chess
• 13:17
  yeah is boomerang a game
• 13:19
  I don't know
• 13:22
  I guess it depends on how you play it
• 13:23
  That seems like a desert island favorite.
• 13:26
  A boomerang?
• 13:26
  Yeah.
• 13:29
  Here it comes.
• 13:30
  Got it.
• 13:31
  Whoa.
• 13:32
  Did a boomerang just come through here?
• 13:33
  I'm bored with this.
• 13:36
  Monopoly's not that fun.
• 13:38
  It's fun enough.
• 13:40
  I don't know.
• 13:41
  I get...
• 13:42
  You forget about fun.
• 13:44
  I do?
• 13:45
  On the island.
• 13:46
  Oh.
• 13:47
  And so you lose a concept of what fun is?
• 13:49
  Yeah.
• 13:50
  And then you'd be like,
• 13:51
  Monopoly.
• 13:53
  That's me blowing it off
• 13:55
  But
• 13:57
  Why not like pick a game that's like
• 14:00
  Actually more fun I don't know
• 14:02
  Like what? I don't know I just never found Monopoly
• 14:04
  All that fun
• 14:05
  What would you pick?
• 14:08
  I think that I would pick
• 14:10
  See
• 14:12
  Chess seems like the obvious answer
• 14:14
  Well you were leading me there because you said
• 14:16
  Moves
• 14:17
  I didn't mean it like that
• 14:20
  I didn't mean to lead you anywhere I'm sorry
• 14:22
  You turned me off Jess
• 14:24
  Because I was like she wants it
• 14:25
  I didn't want it
• 14:26
  Because I don't want to say it either
• 14:28
  I think I would go with backgammon
• 14:30
  I only laugh because
• 14:33
  I have a backgammon table at home
• 14:35
  Oh really?
• 14:36
  Yeah
• 14:36
  It's from the 70s
• 14:39
  Do you play?
• 14:40
  Nope it is a side table
• 14:42
  Oh but you don't actually play?
• 14:44
  I don't know how to play
• 14:44
  I just know that it has little chips
• 14:48
  Little chips and
• 14:49
  little like pointy
• 14:53
  markers are called pips.
• 14:55
  Oh, that's cute. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
• 14:57
  So the
• 14:58
  the moves are going to be
• 15:00
  so you're going to be on an island alone
• 15:02
  and you're going to make a move and the other pieces
• 15:04
  are just going to move? Yeah.
• 15:08
  Yeah, I still want it to be a physical game. So not like
• 15:10
  an app on your phone.
• 15:13
  Can you adjust
• 15:14
  the difficulty level at any
• 15:16
  point? Or does it match you?
• 15:18
  I would say
• 15:22
  no you can't adjust the difficulty
• 15:24
  level
• 15:25
  so let's say it's always
• 15:30
  at hard mode
• 15:33
  well then I know how it feels
• 15:37
  what about Twister
• 15:39
  laughter
• 15:42
  laughter
• 15:43
  laughter
• 15:44
  so you're reaching around
• 15:48
  an invisible person.
• 15:49
  You would feel like someone was there then
• 15:52
  because it would be like somehow touching you.
• 15:58
  No.
• 15:59
  No, I think the invisible,
• 16:00
  it's not that it's just invisible,
• 16:04
  but it's corporeal.
• 16:05
  It's like, no.
• 16:07
  You would see a spinner
• 16:09
  and then nothing would happen.
• 16:11
  But part of Twister is being on people.
• 16:14
  I know, but you'd basically be playing Twister alone.
• 16:18
  i think in in this scenario okay bummer i know i'm sorry you those that was a loophole you tried
• 16:27
  to get around my no people loophole what is a desert island what kind of plants is it like cacti because can why can this be a tropical island oh it is a tropical island You said desert island Desert island oh sorry I think that just the term for like deserted
• 16:44
  Like, desert as in desert island.
• 16:47
  Desert as in the, it's alone.
• 16:51
  Oh, so it's tropical.
• 16:52
  There's coconuts and stuff.
• 16:53
  Yeah, I've always, I've never once pictured a desert island as anything other than tropical.
• 17:00
  Do you think coconuts float if you threw it in the ocean?
• 17:02
  Yes, I do.
• 17:03
  They float?
• 17:04
  I think they probably do.
• 17:05
  Oh, you could write a note on it.
• 17:08
  And throw it in the ocean.
• 17:10
  Or ride a whole bunch of them.
• 17:11
  Ride coconuts?
• 17:12
  Why not?
• 17:13
  Because they would fly out from under you.
• 17:14
  Like when you're in the pool and you have a noodle under you.
• 17:17
  Yeah.
• 17:18
  It flies away.
• 17:19
  But you'd have a lot of time to practice.
• 17:21
  I feel like I could practice and become like a really good coconut rider.
• 17:25
  You could over the years mold your foot into coconut holders.
• 17:30
  and you could walk on the sea.
• 17:34
  Yes.
• 17:36
  Yes, in fact, I will do that.
• 17:38
  I'd sleep under a coconut tree.
• 17:40
  But what if one fell and hit you in the head?
• 17:42
  That's the idea.
• 17:43
  Oh, you're like, that's a soft suicide?
• 17:45
  I love the idea of a soft suicide.
• 17:47
  After a few years, it's like, I'm done.
• 17:49
  Twister sucks.
• 17:52
  I'm hungry as shit.
• 17:54
  Crap.
• 17:55
  Like, come on, coconut.
• 17:57
  just wait for death okay that's a fun game to play we're playing it now yeah
• 18:05
  yes that's true listeners we are actually under coconut trees right now
• 18:09
  so if this podcast suddenly stops you'll know why and one of us screams yeah or joy
• 18:18
  it could be two coconuts at one like statistically two coconuts could fall
• 18:22
  we die at the same time
• 18:25
  I'd love that
• 18:26
  I like that
• 18:27
  okay
• 18:29
  so you'd play Monopoly Go or Twister
• 18:33
  I have one other question
• 18:35
  okay
• 18:36
  okay let's say that you have
• 18:39
  a
• 18:39
  it's not you're not going to be stuck on an island
• 18:42
  you are
• 18:44
  you have to be
• 18:45
  your desert island is a
• 18:48
  man-made structure
• 18:50
  that you've been to before
• 18:52
  So it's a place.
• 18:53
  It's man-made.
• 18:54
  It's not nature.
• 18:54
  And it has to be a place that you've been to before.
• 18:56
  But that's where you're stuck.
• 18:58
  It's man-made.
• 18:59
  It's not nature.
• 19:00
  Yeah.
• 19:00
  And I can't leave.
• 19:01
  And you can't leave.
• 19:02
  You're stuck there.
• 19:03
  And there also are no other people.
• 19:05
  Because it's desert.
• 19:07
  You're deserted.
• 19:08
  But there's stuff in it?
• 19:09
  Yeah.
• 19:10
  The mall.
• 19:11
  Okay.
• 19:12
  Do you have a particular mall in mind?
• 19:14
  Probably just do Fashion Square.
• 19:16
  Because there's multiple stories.
• 19:18
  You know, I can figure out how to make the little pretzel bites.
• 19:21
  Yep.
• 19:22
  Okay, that's exactly what I would say.
• 19:25
  We'd be there together.
• 19:26
  We'd be there together.
• 19:27
  But this counts because we both would set it independently,
• 19:31
  so we're independently deserted there.
• 19:33
  Listeners, don't get mad at us.
• 19:34
  We could play...
• 19:36
  Imagine hide-and-seek at the mall and no one else is there.
• 19:39
  Yeah.
• 19:39
  Oh, scary.
• 19:41
  Would it be scary?
• 19:43
  I think it would just be like a really long game.
• 19:46
  It'd be scary at nighttime.
• 19:49
  I don't know.
• 19:50
  If you knew you were the only one there, how would it be scary?
• 19:52
  How do you ever really know?
• 19:54
  That's true.
• 19:55
  I was there with you, and you didn't find out until just now.
• 19:57
  Would you try on the men's clothes?
• 19:59
  I'd try on everything.
• 20:00
  Me too.
• 20:02
  I think Fashion Square is a good choice, too,
• 20:04
  because if you have to go to a place that you've already been,
• 20:08
  like Mall of America, theoretically, would be good,
• 20:10
  but that's too big.
• 20:11
  And I've never been there.
• 20:17
  But, yeah, Fashion Square is good because they have high-end stuff,
• 20:21
  Plus they have like some of like the lower end stuff.
• 20:23
  They get a movie theater in there.
• 20:26
  And then the restaurants are fairly decent.
• 20:28
  Let's assume you can also go to the restaurants and there's no people there,
• 20:32
  but you can still like get,
• 20:33
  you can make it yourself.
• 20:33
  Yeah.
• 20:34
  Or like you just go and it's there.
• 20:36
  It's there.
• 20:37
  Um,
• 20:37
  sorry to go back to clothing.
• 20:38
  Yeah.
• 20:39
  I feel like since I'm,
• 20:40
  I don't have,
• 20:41
  um,
• 20:43
  boobs.
• 20:43
  Yeah.
• 20:44
  I was thinking I could wear a big bra and I could store food in it.
• 20:48
  Yeah.
• 20:49
  Why not?
• 20:49
  I mean, that's the whole point is that they're supposed to be containers for something.
• 20:57
  My very own container store.
• 21:01
  It doesn't just have to be an over-the-shoulder boulder holder.
• 21:05
  It could be a Panda Express orange chicken holder.
• 21:09
  Yeah.
• 21:11
  A couple of Zabaro slices in there.
• 21:13
  Yeah.
• 21:16
  I guess I'll see you at the mall.
• 21:17
  I guess I'll see you there.
• 21:18
  And listeners, tell us in the comments where you would like to be stranded or what games you would like to be stranded on a desert island with or a desert island with.
• 21:31
  Let us know.
• 21:33
  And if you have anything you want us to discuss, email us at friendslikeusofficial at gmail.com.
• 21:39
  Or post on any, across all socials.
• 21:43
  We are F-L-U pod official on all socials.
• 21:49
  Flu pod official.
• 21:51
  Thanks for listening to this bonus episode.
• 21:55
  We'll see you next week.
• 21:57
  Bye.
• 21:57
  Bye.