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How Much Should You Pay Back a Kind Favor? · Becoming Financially Confident

• 0:37
  $900 a month.
• 0:39
  That's it.
• 0:39
  That's everything.
• 0:41
  Gotta cover your rent, gotta cover your food, gotta cover your transportation.
• 0:46
  Every unexpected bill, and all of it has to fit inside that $900 a month.
• 0:52
  So guess what?
• 0:53
  You're penny budgeting, aren't you?
• 0:54
  You're looking for more hours, you're trying.
• 0:57
  And then something good happened.
• 0:59
  A coworker noticed that you were paying for Ubers, maybe 15, $18 a ride, three times a week.
• 1:06
  And he just offered something to drive you.
• 1:08
  No ask, no strings.
• 1:11
  And instead of relief, you feel like it's a burden.
• 1:15
  So you convince them to let you pay something because that's the kind of person you are.
• 1:19
  And now you're wondering, is $60 a month fair or too generous with money you don't have?
• 1:25
  Your co worker already answered that.
• 1:27
  He messaged you and said, hey, just give me $15 a week, that's fine.
• 1:30
  And he meant it.
• 1:32
  So today we're talking about what generosity actually looks like on a tight budget.
• 1:36
  Not what's fair to him, but what's fair to you.
• 1:40
  Because you matter in this equation as well.
• 1:51
  Hello and welcome to Financially Confident Christian.
• 1:54
  And today we've got a listener who's making $900 a month trying to figure out how much to pay a co worker for rides.
• 2:02
  And this is a co worker who's already said he doesn't want any more money.
• 2:05
  This isn't really about the dollar amount.
• 2:08
  Today's about dignity.
• 2:09
  It's about gratitude and how to be generous when margin is almost zero.
• 2:15
  So today I'm going to break down the numbers, the relationship, and the right way to think about generosity when money is tight.
• 2:22
  So let's get right to today's listener question.
• 2:25
  Listener rate this.
• 2:26
  Hi, Ralph.
• 2:27
  I'm on a really tight budget.
• 2:29
  My take home pay is $900 a month and I'm penny budgeting just to make it work.
• 2:34
  A co worker found out that I was paying $18 per Uber ride three times a week and felt terrible about it.
• 2:41
  He offered to drive me home.
• 2:42
  Since he lives about three miles from me.
• 2:45
  He didn't want anything for it.
• 2:46
  But I felt awful just taking the favor.
• 2:49
  So I finally convinced him to let me pay him $15 every two weeks.
• 2:54
  So starting in August, I was planning to bump it up to $30 every payday, which is about $60 a month.
• 3:00
  Now, some people have told me that's too much given my income.
• 3:03
  But Ralph, he's saving me from walking five miles or spending hundreds on Ubers.
• 3:07
  I want him to know I Appreciate him.
• 3:10
  And then all of a sudden, he messaged me and said, he refuses the 60 bucks, Ralph.
• 3:14
  And he insists $15 is fine.
• 3:17
  So my question for you, is $60 fair, or am I being too generous for my own good?
• 3:22
  Thank you so much for that.
• 3:24
  What a great question.
• 3:27
  And we got to break this down.
• 3:28
  $900 a month.
• 3:30
  $60 towards a ride isn't just generosity.
• 3:34
  That's a budget decision.
• 3:36
  And the best part is the coworkers already told you what he wants from you.
• 3:40
  So let's figure out how to make this work.
• 3:42
  As in all things, we gotta run the math.
• 3:45
  We gotta hear what he's actually saying.
• 3:48
  Here's what I think he's saying.
• 3:50
  You've Already said it.
• 3:51
  $18 per ride on Uber three times a week is almost $216 a month.
• 3:58
  Your co worker is saving you $150 compared to Uber.
• 4:03
  Even if you pay him $60, that actual gas cost, what we're talking about here, three or four miles, he's going there anyway.
• 4:12
  Even if we do, the IRS standard mileage rate is less than $5 round trip.
• 4:17
  So even at $30, he's already being generous.
• 4:21
  But then he did the right thing.
• 4:22
  He messaged you and said, no, $15 is fine.
• 4:26
  He's not being polite.
• 4:27
  He's giving you information.
• 4:29
  Clearly, this purse is not doing it for the money, because he drives it rude anyway.
• 4:35
  And taking him at his word isn't being selfish.
• 4:38
  It's being respect.
• 4:40
  But I understand where you're coming from.
• 4:42
  This ride is worth a lot to you.
• 4:44
  But what you owe him in dollars is actually pretty small.
• 4:48
  And he's already told you what he wants.
• 4:50
  But we got to go a little deeper.
• 4:52
  We got to understand what $60 actually cost and how else you can show gratitude.
• 4:56
  A lot of people would say, well, $60, that's great, but $60 on a $900 a month budget is 7% of your income.
• 5:05
  That's not a small amount.
• 5:07
  That's a week of groceries, a phone bill, or part of a utility payment.
• 5:12
  And I'm guessing you're still carrying some debt.
• 5:15
  What if you could take that $60 and pay off some debt?
• 5:19
  The best part is your co worker has already told you they don't want the money.
• 5:23
  So there's other things you can do.
• 5:25
  There's other ways to show gratitude.
• 5:27
  Here.
• 5:28
  Maybe you can help them with something practical.
• 5:30
  Maybe ask them if you can do anything for them.
• 5:33
  A favor.
• 5:33
  Or maybe it's a skill they don't have.
• 5:36
  Hey, something simple as a handwritten note.
• 5:39
  Thank you so much for what you're doing for me.
• 5:42
  And then when your situation changes, maybe you can revisit that amount.
• 5:46
  Maybe you can do a ride sharing.
• 5:47
  Maybe you get to a point where you have your own vehicle.
• 5:50
  This generosity doesn't have to be permanent at its current level.
• 5:55
  A lot of people don't get this, but gratitude and payment are not the same thing.
• 5:59
  And you don't have to confuse them.
• 6:01
  But one of the practical things I think you need to start thinking about is building your own path towards transportation independence.
• 6:09
  Your real goal in the end is eventually not to need this arrangement.
• 6:13
  I've got some practical ideas.
• 6:15
  Maybe a bike, maybe there's a bus route.
• 6:17
  I don't know where you live.
• 6:17
  Maybe there's some carpooling with other co workers, maybe even setting aside some small money to start a transportation fund.
• 6:26
  The coworker's kindness had bought you time.
• 6:29
  Use some of that to build towards a more stable option.
• 6:33
  So accept that grace.
• 6:34
  Accept that.
• 6:35
  Thank you.
• 6:35
  Stay with that $30, that $15, and put that money to work to build that transportation budget for yourself.
• 6:44
  Now, you used a specific phrase that stood out to me in your question today.
• 6:48
  You said you didn't want to take advantage of his kindness.
• 6:52
  And that very phrase tells me a lot about who you are.
• 6:57
  Most people, dare I say most people, would in your situation, just take the free ride and move on.
• 7:03
  I remember when I was in high school, two doors up the street from me, a kid lived.
• 7:08
  We went to the same high school and I drove him to school every day and I drove him home every day.
• 7:13
  Not one time did he ever offer to put any gas in my gas tank that's taken advantage.
• 7:20
  But see, you can't do that this way.
• 7:22
  You're wired.
• 7:24
  You feel like this need to give something back.
• 7:27
  You need to feel like you're standing on your own.
• 7:31
  That instinct that you're feeling is not a problem.
• 7:33
  It's actually good stewardship of a relationship.
• 7:37
  You understand the value of a relationship.
• 7:39
  It works both ways.
• 7:41
  But here's what I want you to hear today.
• 7:44
  Receiving help is not the same as taking advantage.
• 7:47
  There are so many people who can't accept help.
• 7:51
  It's okay to accept help.
• 7:53
  That doesn't mean you're taking advantage of somebody.
• 7:56
  Jesus said it himself in Acts 20:35, it's more blessed to give than to receive.
• 8:03
  Your co worker is living Jesus message right now.
• 8:07
  Let him do that.
• 8:09
  He gets to be the blessing in your story this season.
• 8:12
  And that's not a small thing for him, that's a gift you're giving him.
• 8:15
  By accepting what he's offering, you're not a burden to him.
• 8:18
  If he didn't want to do it, he wouldn't do it.
• 8:21
  He sees you as someone that's in a hard season, and he's found a person with a generous heart.
• 8:26
  Relish in that.
• 8:27
  I truly believe that God puts people like that in our lives for a reason.
• 8:32
  Your job isn't to overpay your way out of feeling like a burden.
• 8:35
  Your job right now is to build on that budget.
• 8:38
  Steward wisely, keep your head up and trust that this season will change because it will.
• 8:46
  See, the very fact that you've even asked this question proves that you're not taking anyone for granted.
• 8:51
  You're not taking advantage at all.
• 8:52
  You're just trying to do right by someone who did right by you.
• 8:55
  And that's a beautiful thing.
• 8:57
  So here's your win for today.
• 8:59
  I want you to write down your actual transportation options and what each one costs.
• 9:05
  Look at the Ubers, look at the bus routes, and make a choice of just one thing that would work so that you don't feel like you're a burden.
• 9:13
  But stop worrying about this current arrangement.
• 9:17
  This person is doing this because they choose to find ways to reward that with a note.
• 9:23
  Maybe bake them some cookies.
• 9:24
  I mean, there's a whole bunch of things you can do to make them feel good about it.
• 9:27
  But stop stressing about it.
• 9:30
  People want to do this for you.
• 9:32
  Accept it and work from that and build your situation.
• 9:35
  Hey, maybe at some point you're going to be this person giving other people rides to work.
• 9:40
  Let's get to our Bible verse today.
• 9:41
  We talked about this a second ago.
• 9:42
  This comes from the Acts of the apostles, chapter 20, verse 35.
• 9:47
  In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work, we must help the weak.
• 9:54
  Remembering the words that Lord Jesus himself said, it is more blessed to give than to receive.
• 10:01
  And as I said earlier, your co worker is living this verse right now.
• 10:07
  He's not driving you for the money.
• 10:09
  He's driving you because he can.
• 10:11
  It cost him almost nothing and it means everything to you.
• 10:16
  That's a blessing he's choosing.
• 10:18
  So accept the blessing.
• 10:19
  Don't take that away from him by insisting on an amount he's already said he doesn't need.
• 10:23
  Let him give.
• 10:25
  And then when that situation changes, maybe you'll get to be that person for somebody else.
• 10:31
  Let's pray together.
• 10:33
  Heavenly Father, I just want to thank you so much for today's listener.
• 10:36
  Today's listener was such an encouragement to me.
• 10:39
  They're working hard, they don't have a lot and they're doing it with integrity.
• 10:44
  I just want to reach out and thank that co worker that you placed in their life.
• 10:48
  Someone with a generous spirit.
• 10:49
  It is so great to hear that that's still happening today.
• 10:52
  Who showed up without being asked.
• 10:55
  And Lord, I just ask that you would help this listener receive that gift without shame.
• 10:59
  Give them the wisdom to manage what they have to do it carefully, including the money they want to give.
• 11:05
  Protect them from guilt that already makes us over give before we are ready.
• 11:10
  And Father, let this season be temporary.
• 11:12
  Open a door towards more hours.
• 11:14
  Lord, a second income for them or maybe a change in their situation.
• 11:19
  Lord, they are not asking for a miracle, just a little more margin and I just ask that you would meet them there in Jesus name Amen friend.
• 11:30
  You came with a generous heart and a tight wallet and that combination is harder to carry than most people realize.
• 11:37
  Staying at $15 to pay isn't selfishness, it's listening to someone who told you exactly what they need.
• 11:44
  So as I said, be practical, look at the actual costs, thank them, be grateful for what they're doing.
• 11:51
  And it doesn't have to be in dollars.
• 11:52
  It can be a note, whatever those things are.
• 11:55
  And start looking at your transportation plan and look for other options if this ends up not working out.
• 12:01
  Now maybe you've got a question for the show as well.
• 12:03
  I encourage you to send me your question.
• 12:05
  You can go to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/question We'll put a link in the show notes, but again it's financiallyconfidentchristian.com/question Thank you so much for joining me today.
• 12:18
  I want to encourage you as I do every day.
• 12:20
  Thank you.
• 12:21
  Stay financially savvy.
• 12:22
  May God bless you and you have a great day.