Latest / Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce / 45. How to Use Law of Attraction & GRATITUDE to Move Through Stages of Divorce Grief

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45. How to Use Law of Attraction & GRATITUDE to Move Through Stages of Divorce Grief · Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce

• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Hi love, this is Dawn and you're listening to Dear Divorce Diary with my coach, dawn, where we explore the post-divorce life and you, the woman who lives it.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: We cover everything from trauma during and after divorce to feeling like a stranger in your own life and the new frontier of life as a single woman.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Cozy in for the conversations you've been longing to have about this new life.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Hi love, oh, my goodness, i can hear my voice wobbling.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Wanna know why My heart is racing right now in that nervous, excited way.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: And it's because so many amazing things are bubbling up right now for us, inside of me, for you, et cetera, and it's like hard for me to like keep up with in this moment.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: So today we're talking all about gratitude and we're gonna like dig into the juicy details about how to feel the embodiment of gratitude.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Wouldn't that feel so good if you could like tap into that today or any day?
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: that just feels so freaking heavy.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: We're talking about gratitude, but that opens a different door for me to tell you about the community that's coming.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: It's called a different D word And because I'm a Gemini, equal Parts Angel and Devil what do you think the D word is?
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: love.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: It's divine.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: But so this community that's coming a different D word, it is for listeners of the pod and it is grounded in a foundation of gratitude.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: It is the basis for the community is a daily gratitude practice.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: So, as we're talking about this today, i just I know this is coming and I'm so excited It's like beating out of my chest, so let's talk about it.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: Okay, what is gratitude?
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Gratitude is the emotional vibrational experience of appreciation for all.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: That is all, and I know that most of us have been raised with some sort of faith practice or religion and that in faith practices and religions we're taught about gratitude, we're taught about rejoicing even in darkness, and it's a concept that we've been exposed to.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: But to embody it, to live it, to walk it out, is like next level shit, and I feel like that's the season that our planet is in, is the, but how season The?
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: okay, we've been taught all these ideas, all of our lives, but how to live it in a way that is meaningful and and has concrete, delicious feelings in our day to day life, and so gratitude is that emotional vibrational space of appreciation for all.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: That is Yes, that means knowing, believing and understanding that the fact that you are currently in a divorce process is an acknowledgement and an acceptance that on some level, you prayed for this, that this path that you are on is a manifestation of your deepest desires and that you are being gifted This process And that the only thing left is to sit in appreciation of it because it is in the process of delivering you your deepest desires.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: Okay, but how do I cultivate that level of gratitude, don?
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: how Right And the how of it is by shifting your mindset, because so much of how we think and I still catch myself doing it loves at.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Like you know, i'm on a kind of constant mission to eradicate victim consciousness from my living, because victim consciousness is what suppresses the fun in my life, and I'm on a mission to just be like unbridled fun as much as possible.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: Can't always, it's not always possible because like shit happens, and so when shit happens, we feel like shit.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: But then to be able to pivot out of that shit, to like be back to fun, that's my goal, right, and so when we are feeling things are happening to us and not that they're happening for us, that's a victim consciousness.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: Like I can't deal with this.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't have to deal with this.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: It's not fair that I'm dealing with this.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: This is happening to me, i am being victimized, and the reality is in that mindset, anywhere it lives, in our thoughts or in our bodies.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: We cannot rise, and it is a process to shed that.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: And so please don't put undue pressure on yourself to go from nothing to all, because that's not how it works.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: But if we can do it, one little baby step at a time, and sometimes we just have to start with.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: I want to want to believe that, don.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: I don't believe it today, but I want to want to believe it.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Abraham Hicks talks about getting ready to get ready, to get ready to get ready, so sometimes we just have to start with.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I want to want to believe, don, that the universe, god, source energy, whatever it is is always organizing in my favor And all I have to do is get out of my own way to receive that.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: And gratitude is one of the most significant paths to that.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: And so the how to cultivate gratitude is to catch it.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: When we're saying poor me, right To catch it and just notice oh look, i'm doing that poor me thing And it would be more useful for me to do the.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Everything is always working out for me, god is constantly working behind the scenes in my favor And I just have to really align myself with that view of things.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: Now it's important to understand why gratitude is so powerful, and the reason it's so powerful loves is because, vibrationally, when we are really feeling, we're in moments of really feeling grateful, we are free of all resistance.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: And you notice that That when you're sitting in a moment of contentment or appreciation, there's no drag on your system, there's no resistance, there's no forlornness, there's no.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: But what about?
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: there's no what if-ness?
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: there's no lack, there's no scarcity, there's no fear, it's just free.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: Gratitude is a space free of resistance and therefore it is freedom.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: And so when we are feeling that level of appreciation, we are fully aligned with our higher power, fully aligned with our inner being, with source energy, with God, and being open, being that open-hearted being, that open-minded being, that aligned with God.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: Love is how we welcome in everything we deeply desire.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: The reason gratitude is so powerful is because from that space you become a funnel, a wide, open funnel for everything you deeply desire.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: And so when you really choose to believe that, you suddenly have a whole lot of motivation to start getting intentional about how you think and how you feel.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: And don't get me wrong, it's a shift to go from no, it feels really good to talk about all the shit that pisses me off.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: It feels really good to go on and on about how I've been wronged.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: That is an old way of feeling good, right, because it's rehearsed.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: It feels like external validation.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: It feels like oh, brene Brown talks about it like hot wiring connection.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: Right, it's not true connection, it's not heart connection, but it's like when you jump in a car without a key and you gotta hot wire it right.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: So when we are building our case for the shit and we're looping people in on how shitty it is, that's not true connection, it's not true freedom, it's not true joy, but it is like the old way of feeling good before we discover how delicious it is to feel free, high-flying, delicious, easy, smooth, happy, abundant, wealthy in love.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: The word that I've been working on lately is desirous, satiated, pleasure, all of those things.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: So you're on a journey of transitioning from the finding deliciousness in the shit to finding deliciousness in the joy, in the ease, in the Abundance of it all.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: And so it's a journey, and so that journey takes really daily attention and intention, and trust you me.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: When I say daily, i'm super clear.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: I just walked in today as producer Joy and I were prepping for our day.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: We're recording two podcast episodes today, which means super exciting things are happening, because we have an interview later today And I was telling her about needing to, in my own life, go back to a daily journal practice.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: It's something I used to do And it's something I let go for a period of time, and I was giggling as I was telling her jokes on me, producer Joy, because here I am, the journal, your way to freedom, right, lady?
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: And very clear that I need to go back to a daily journaling practice and feeling that feeling you're having in your own awareness right now about a daily gratitude practice like, oh, where am I going to make space for that?
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: How am I going to make space for that?
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: And, it's true, i have to figure out how I'm going to make space for it.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: So, now that I've set the intention, i'm going to look for the gap.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: I'm probably going to go back to putting a journal in the front seat of my car And I always have one next to my bed and making sure it's next to my computer at work and making sure it's super handy And when I have the thought, come about something that I want to write about actually taking the next step to write rather than just saying to myself oh, i'll remember that That's never how it works.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: So how can you make space for daily gratitude?
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: Well, i know one way you could join a different D word community, because in there we are practicing daily gratitude.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: You know, part of the reason it's so important is because we forget, right, we're forgetful.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: We do what we are most programmed to do, we do the things that are habits, right, we are habitual, habitual, habitual creatures, and so when we don't have a container to help us remember to do it every day, we forget and we go back to the old way and then we get the old results.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: And so this is why communities and reminders and spaces that reinforce the new way are so, so, so important.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: Because it's hard to remember, because the brain likes the path of least resistance and it knows the old way and it's familiar.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: So when we're starting something that we know needs to be a daily intention, it's really important to have cues all around us to remind us, right.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: So this is why I'm a huge advocate of mirror messages, and if you've done my 21 day guided journaling program, you know that that's one of the components is to actually write the thing on your mirror, and I typically have something written on my bathroom mirror and it's those things to cue us to remember to do the thing Now, how to express it, how to show it, how to tap into it.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: One of the things I learned from listening to a lot of law of attraction content and listening to Abraham Hicks is the way she frames it And this is how I've learned to do it is to just move through life, identifying what pleases me, and that could be hmm, seeing a drop of dew on a leaf Oh, that's so pleasing.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: A beautiful sunrise Oh that's so pleasing.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: The perfect foam on my cappuccino This is so pleasing.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: A really delicious hug A the perfect boozy-beach meme on Instagram This is so pleasing.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter what it is moving through my day, the way my head feels on the pillow, when it's just right, whatever it is, and being able to notice, acknowledge and express in the moment how pleasing it is.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: That is a gratitude practice, a sense of appreciation for probably a very mundane moment.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: And that's really where gratitude takes root and then blossoms is from being able to move through your day highlighting and expressing the things that are pleasing, that are delicious, versus moving through our day focused on the things that suck.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: And it has become my habit in practice And in the community.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: A different D word.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: You'll notice there's different levels, but the first level is this pleases me and the second level is this pleases me more, and that's because I have made those words foundational to how my own gratitude practice lives And the people that kind of live in my inner circle, they're really, really used to that language And we've all kind of adopted it and started living by it.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: Right, and just saying like this pleases me, oh, this is so pleasing, this is my kid says it, producer Joy says it, colleen, my trainers, we all just kind of say it And it's so effective because it just feels good.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: And so I encourage you in your journaling, ideally daily, to just jot down a couple of things.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: I encourage you to, whether you come find us in this pleases me, in the gratitude thread and in the community that I'm building, whether you join us there to express gratitude, or you just have your own text thread that you have with your besties right, where you just text them things.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: This pleases me, this pleases me, this pleases me right, because when you start doing that every day, you will see your life change.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: Here's the thing when you've experienced a trauma or a conflict shock a conflict shock is anything you know when you have a near miss of a car accident and you have all that electric zing through your body, that adrenaline, right, anytime you've experienced something that's had that amount of adrenaline course through your body and it stayed activated for a period of time.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: So obviously, divorce, obviously, when your children are in pain, obviously, when you've sustained a physical injury or right, anytime you have that kind of a shock or a trauma, it has an impact at a structural level in your brain.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Love In your brain.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: We can in an MRI we can see it Structural impact on the brain.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: When you practice gratitude, you start to reverse those impacts on the brain.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: Now, when you start to embody gratitude, your brain can go back to a balanced, whole mm, safe, non-compartmentalized place to be, and so this is why it is so necessary for your well-being love.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: And let me clarify something This is not a space of toxic positivity.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: This isn't where we only embody gratitude.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: And anytime we experience painful things, we don't give those painful things space.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: Screw that.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: We create space for painful things.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: We create space to meet our repressed shadow shit that lives inside of us.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: We create space to meet ourselves in the dark places, in the rage, in the grief.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: We're gonna go there too, right, but we're gonna face those things, we're gonna express them, we're gonna pour love on them, we're gonna snuggle the crap out of them, and then we're gonna pivot back to gratitude.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: Right, gratitude becomes like our state of being, where we visit darkness, because in a balanced existence, the light and the dark just are balanced.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: And so I am not here to teach you to be in gratitude all the time.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: I am here to teach you how to transmute your habitual negativity into habitual positivity so that you can let all the good things in.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: Right, that's it.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: You just wanna reduce the pile of shit and grow the pile of daisies until eventually it just becomes a commonplace way.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: But we're always gonna make space for when the hard stuff happens, to hold space for the hard as well, because that matters just as much in a balanced existence.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, i cannot wait for you to embark or continue on this journey, because sometimes it's just a reminder.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I already tell you the things that you know, you know right.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you just need a reminder to go back to that daily practice and to find those containers where we can live that out right.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: And so really, the big, big reminder here is to switch from victim thinking poor me, it's not fair, this shouldn't be happening to me, this sucks Why me to.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: Something about this is leading to my fullest expression of glory And I cannot freaking wait to know what that is right, like.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: I got some big dreams, loves, and I know and I've also heard this in Law of Attraction that the people that are the hardest to love, the situations that are hardest to resolve.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: It's because those situations are leading us to our greatest desires, and the more we integrate them and the more we shed the resistance around them, the more we are stepping into our fullest manifestations.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: And so when we can say thank you, when we can sit in appreciation for all that the gauntlet is doing for us, right, right, all the pressure is creating turning coal into a diamond-ness of a thing, right, we can sit in appreciation for that and say, like I know this is leading to something amazing.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: That's really what I'm reminding you about today.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: And then the daily walking out of.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: That is the expression, the practicing of noticing that dew drop, of that perfect bite of chocolate cake, of the beauty in my kid's face, or watching my puppy play, or whatever it is to just sit in those moments.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: You know, so long in my life I only enjoyed this kind of snapshot.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: I had this image of perfection, and only when I felt like I was living in that snapshot could I really feel good about myself and my life and things.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: And that wasn't working.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: It was hard and it wasn't fun because it was always this impossible goal of perfection.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: And so this daily just enjoying the good stuff, moment to moment, that has nothing to do with perfection.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: It just has to do with being present and in appreciation for the little things and the big things.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: And the little things.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: It's cumulative, the little things add up to the big things.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: Every drop of dew that I have appreciated led up to the biggest things, and knowing that is what's so motivating to live it out, and I love how we're living it out together.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: It feels so good, it feels like I'm not alone, to know that I'm doing it and you're doing it with me and we're doing it together, and that you're just on the other side of this microphone or my DMs.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: I love you so much And I am so stinking grateful for you.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: I love you so much Peace.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: The Divorce Diary.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: Dear Divorce Diary is a podcast by My Coach, john.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: You can find more at MyCoachJohncom.