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The Fortress: How Narcissists Protect the False Self · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:02
  People think narcissists have too much ego, too much too much
• 0:08
  ego. But the truth is narcissists
• 0:11
  like myself have a very fragile ego.
• 0:15
  Like come in, come get, come in here before a second round here.
• 0:18
  Y'all imagine living in a house made out, made out of thin
• 0:22
  glass, but you're trying to convince the world it's a strong
• 0:27
  castle. Castle like with with big blocks
• 0:30
  and a Moat and Gators in it, right?
• 0:34
  Every critique, every, no, every boundary is a stone thrown at
• 0:41
  that glass. Every one of them.
• 0:44
  Today, as a self aware diagnosed narcissist, I'm showing you the
• 0:47
  extreme and sometimes dangerous ways that we as narcissists
• 0:51
  protect that house so we never have to face the person living
• 0:54
  inside. That intro is something else,
• 0:58
  isn't it? Right.
• 1:00
  That's what goes all right there.
• 1:01
  Y'all seriously, what was I'm Lee Hammock diagnosed
• 1:04
  narcissist? What was another episode y'all
• 1:06
  of the narcissist code. Let's go ahead and get it.
• 1:11
  But I wouldn't say this y'all they might like from the inside
• 1:14
  out as they diagnose narcissist. If I am wrong about one thing
• 1:19
  then I am a failure at everything.
• 1:25
  Y'all hear me right? If I am wrong at one thing then
• 1:29
  I am a failure or I feel like a failure at every single thing.
• 1:34
  That's what goes on y'all in the mind of a narcissist.
• 1:36
  Like that's how fragile the ego of a narcissist is.
• 1:40
  Like, if I'm wrong and you let me know that I'm wrong or I get
• 1:44
  embarrassed about the fact that I'm wrong, that means my ego
• 1:48
  takes a huge hit. That means it makes me feel like
• 1:53
  I am a bad person. And of course, most narcissists
• 1:57
  do not want to feel like bad people.
• 2:00
  Contrary to popular belief, I don't want to feel like a bad
• 2:04
  person. I don't.
• 2:10
  Right. So in a in like, in a world full
• 2:14
  of instant feedback and social media, the ego is under constant
• 2:18
  threat. We protected by curating a
• 2:22
  digital false self that can't be touched by reality.
• 2:25
  This is why social media is so is such a big part of
• 2:30
  narcissist, right? It really is, Social media plays
• 2:34
  a huge role in protecting A narcissist ego.
• 2:37
  Especially if narcissistic people out here trying to like
• 2:41
  build up a social media platform like This is why so many people
• 2:45
  online are fake as hell man like y'all anybody.
• 2:49
  This is why social media is like the narcissist playground in in
• 2:53
  order to protect my ego. If I'm a a loser in real life,
• 2:57
  if I'm AI got no money, I'm broke, I stink, I got nothing
• 3:03
  going for me in real life. I can hop on social media and
• 3:07
  become anybody, anybody I want to be.
• 3:12
  Social media is fairy tale land. This is how I create a digital
• 3:16
  self. I create a digital image of
• 3:18
  myself. I create a digital version of
• 3:19
  myself in order to protect me, in order to protect me.
• 3:24
  You know what I'm saying? Seriously, in order to to
• 3:28
  protect myself, I can create a fake image of somebody.
• 3:30
  Have y'all ever followed somebody online and then all of
• 3:32
  a sudden out of nowhere, this person pretend like this person
• 3:36
  exposes themselves and then all of a sudden you, you like, I
• 3:39
  never thought that they would do this.
• 3:40
  I never thought that they were capable of this.
• 3:42
  Who is this person? I never suspected them of being
• 3:45
  able to do this. One thing that I've learned, and
• 3:48
  I need y'all to take this message to heart with you.
• 3:50
  One thing that I've learned is that I don't put anything past
• 3:53
  anyone anymore. I just do not do that.
• 3:56
  I do not do that anymore. I can't IA 100% cannot do that
• 4:00
  right? I can.
• 4:02
  I I don't. I've talked, I've done so many
• 4:04
  one on ones over zoom. I've talked to so many people
• 4:07
  that one thing I absolutely cannot do is just put anything
• 4:11
  past anyone, anybody that's capable of doing it.
• 4:13
  I don't think my partner will hurt me.
• 4:15
  Yes they will. If their ego is threatened, if
• 4:18
  their identity is threatened, they will hurt you, they will
• 4:22
  put you in the dirt, they will blow their own lives up.
• 4:25
  You see happening all the time, These family annihilators, You
• 4:28
  don't think they would? I, I never thought they were
• 4:30
  capable of it until their egos got hit, until that thin piece
• 4:33
  of glass got broke. That glass house got broken.
• 4:37
  My false image, my false identity got broken up.
• 4:40
  It got destroyed. So that's what ends up going on
• 4:42
  right there, man. That's what I'm saying like
• 4:44
  that. I don't put anything past anyone
• 4:47
  I refuse to because that's all narcissists want to do is
• 4:50
  protect their ego. Everything is about ego
• 4:53
  protection. Every single thing.
• 4:56
  It really, really is. So this is what goes on in the
• 4:59
  mind of a narcissist job. So when you're dealing with this
• 5:01
  type of person, right? Well, Lee, how do narcissists
• 5:04
  protect their ego? One way does narcissists protect
• 5:06
  their ego is by projection. They have certain weapons.
• 5:10
  Projection is a weapon of a narcissist, right?
• 5:13
  How does how does projection protect a narcissist?
• 5:15
  Ego is taking our shame and guilt and putting it on you.
• 5:21
  It's taking my shame and guilt then putting it on you.
• 5:24
  I project. I projected onto you.
• 5:27
  Yes, I'm cheating, but I'm telling you that you're the
• 5:30
  cheater and I make I keep my image clean, right?
• 5:34
  If I can convince you that you're cheating on me even
• 5:36
  though you're not, my image is spotless.
• 5:40
  Spotless. You got it spotless now because
• 5:45
  I've convinced you otherwise. You see how that works right
• 5:51
  there? You see that mentality that goes
• 5:52
  into that? You see how that goes spotless?
• 6:00
  Another weapon is gaslighting. Y'all, y'all know?
• 6:03
  Y'all know gaslighting? Y'all know.
• 6:05
  If anybody's been gaslit, drop it in the comment section.
• 6:06
  Just drop a a hand wave in the comment section.
• 6:09
  If you've been gaslit, just drop it in the conversation.
• 6:11
  Look like that. Drop a wave in there because
• 6:13
  y'all know gaslighting is a weapon.
• 6:15
  Gaslighting is literally rewriting reality so that we
• 6:19
  cannot be wrong. The goal is to maintain the
• 6:22
  illusion of perfection. We cannot be wrong.
• 6:24
  We're gaslighting or whatever. We cannot be wrong.
• 6:27
  This is what goes on. This is what happened.
• 6:29
  I've been gaslighting you. I'm rewriting the damn story
• 6:33
  right now. The story has successfully been
• 6:36
  rewritten. You've been gas lit, that's what
• 6:39
  goes on. This is what happens.
• 6:40
  This is a part of it right there y'all?
• 6:43
  So gaslighting is a weapon that a narcissist used.
• 6:45
  Another weapon is devaluation. This is another weapon to use to
• 6:48
  protect the ego. Devalue you.
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  Devaluation, attacking your character or your worth.
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  The goal of that right there is to make your opinion too small
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  to hurt me. If I can shame you or devalue
• 7:00
  you, I can make your opinion to myself.
• 7:02
  Be this big and I can make it feel that big to you as well.
• 7:07
  Another weapon that you get a lot of narcissists that use is
• 7:09
  the silent treatment or what I call silent rage.
• 7:14
  Removing access, removing communication.
• 7:18
  I'm not talking to you anymore. I'm not talking to you anymore.
• 7:22
  Y'all know the goal of that is to just get you to shut the hell
• 7:24
  up and get you to leave us alone, right?
• 7:27
  This is what goes on. This is what happens right here.
• 7:29
  Y'all 100% they criticize you, they want you to feel bad, they
• 7:33
  want you to feel like you suffer and they want you to go through
• 7:35
  this stuff right here. They want you to experience it.
• 7:39
  Like I need to protect my ego. So I use all of these weapons in
• 7:43
  order to protect my ego, in order to defend myself in this
• 7:46
  situation, right? So that's why I tell people like
• 7:49
  y'all, y'all ever hear the phrase the greatest defense is a
• 7:52
  good offense? That's what it is.
• 7:55
  The best way for a narcissist to protect their ego, to be on the
• 7:59
  defensive, on their ego, is to be on the offense, to be
• 8:02
  offensive to other people. Like we don't want to just win
• 8:06
  the argument. We want to destroy the person
• 8:09
  who made us feel small. Like if you can make, if I can
• 8:12
  make you cry, if I can successfully make you cry, get
• 8:14
  some tears from that face or make you look crazy, then my ego
• 8:18
  is safe again. Because you clearly are the
• 8:20
  problem, not me. And that's why I tell people you
• 8:24
  have to control those reactions. I know it's tough.
• 8:27
  I know it's not the easiest thing to do, the simplest thing
• 8:29
  to do, but you have to be able to control those reactions
• 8:31
  because if you can't, if you don't, guess what happens?
• 8:34
  You got to deal with this toxic narcissistic bastard and they
• 8:37
  going to, they will try to ruin your life.
• 8:39
  That's the crux of it right there, y'all.
• 8:40
  They will try to ruin your damn life because of who they are and
• 8:43
  how they've been living their own lives.
• 8:45
  They will try to destroy you and that's what goes on right there.
• 8:47
  Y'all. Like for narcissists, ego
• 8:51
  protection, it really is like it's survival mechanism.
• 8:55
  I'm trying to survive. I'm trying to stay alive because
• 8:57
  if you destroy my ego, you destroy me.
• 9:00
  Like if the ego fails, the narcissistic collapse begins.
• 9:04
  Y'all know I just did a very If you want to know what all about
• 9:06
  the narcissistic collapse, yeah go check out my most recent
• 9:09
  video about the narcissistic collapse.
• 9:11
  I literally just did the video very recently about the
• 9:14
  narcissistic collapse. It will show you what happens
• 9:17
  when the ego actually takes that.
• 9:19
  The ego gets that thumping when the ego gets that stuff right
• 9:24
  here. I'll drop the link in the
• 9:25
  comment section right here. Y'all the ego takes that
• 9:27
  bruising. We in for it Now.
• 9:30
  You see what I'm saying? That the collapse happens when
• 9:32
  the ego gets bruised and this type of stuff goes on all the
• 9:34
  time. So in conclusion, you cannot fix
• 9:39
  a fortress from the outside. Like stop trying to show them
• 9:43
  the truth. They already know the truth.
• 9:46
  We as narcissists have spent our whole lives building walls to
• 9:49
  make sure that nobody ever sees it.
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  You see what I'm saying? This is why ego protection is so
• 9:55
  big with narcissistic people. I already know that I'm wrong,
• 9:58
  y'all. I understand that.
• 9:59
  I know that I'm wrong. Appreciate that, Elaine.
• 10:01
  Eileen. Is it Ellen?
• 10:02
  I don't know. I already know that I'm wrong.
• 10:05
  You showing me that I'm wrong is not going to make me see from a
• 10:08
  different direction. I already know it, y'all.
• 10:10
  I already get it right on New Year's.
• 10:12
  Try to unlock me with M16. What the hell?
• 10:15
  Are you safe? Yeah.
• 10:18
  Undercover what? But this is what happens y'all.
• 10:20
  So y'all have any questions? I got I got time for short Q&A.
• 10:23
  Y'all can drop some questions in the comment section.
• 10:25
  We going to get them answered real quick, y'all?
• 10:31
  That was a good that was a good on too.
• 10:34
  I appreciate it. No, I said Yella for everyone.
• 10:36
  Yep, Yep, Yep. Oh, you say, is there no
• 10:39
  spiritual aspect that can dismantle this?
• 10:41
  No, not that I believe in you. I, like I said, am I do I am IA
• 10:44
  spiritual person. I'm I'm more spiritual than
• 10:46
  religious because all these religious weirdos in here or not
• 10:50
  in here, but just in the world, just out there that you know, I
• 10:53
  don't believe in this spiritual aspect, though.
• 10:54
  You can't you can't pray the narcissism away right.
• 10:57
  What's going on? What's up?
• 10:58
  What up? What up?
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  What up? He is in prison.
• 11:00
  Oh, hope you guys stays in prison.
• 11:03
  If you have boundaries, why they get mad because boundaries are
• 11:07
  telling them what to do. You don't get to tell me what to
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  do and that's exactly what a boundary is doing.
• 11:12
  A boundary is you telling me what to do and I don't want, I
• 11:15
  don't like that, right? I don't like you telling me what
• 11:18
  to do. So that's what ends up happening
• 11:20
  right there. You said if I you set a boundary
• 11:22
  on me is you telling me what to do and I don't like that isn't
• 11:25
  in my joke of voice. I don't like that, right?
• 11:28
  So that's what happens right there.
• 11:30
  Yes, I know you love boundaries, but narcissists don't
• 11:32
  necessarily love boundaries. I'm glad my posts are able to
• 11:34
  help you. Can you explain what they say?
• 11:38
  Do narcissists know they're projecting when they falsely
• 11:40
  accuse you of things that they do?
• 11:41
  Yeah, They they know that they're lying.
• 11:43
  Yeah. They know what they've done.
• 11:44
  They absolutely do know what they're doing.
• 11:46
  They're absolutely do. You can't win any argument with
• 11:50
  narcissists. You can win, but you don't have
• 11:51
  to attend every argument that you're invited to.
• 11:54
  Do. They do this to everyone.
• 11:55
  I divorced Mom, but I wonder if he'll do this to the next
• 11:57
  person. Everybody gets a different
• 11:58
  version of the narcissist, but everybody gets a narcissist.
• 12:02
  Everybody gets a different version of the narcissist, but
• 12:04
  everybody does get a narcissist. Do they ever pay for the
• 12:11
  consequences of their actions? You just saw old girl said her
• 12:14
  partner's in jail. He's in jail.
• 12:15
  He's paying for his consequences.
• 12:17
  Yeah, he's paying for his consequences right now.
• 12:20
  He's in jail. You absolutely do.
• 12:24
  I didn't change from being a narcissist, y'all.
• 12:26
  I still have narcissistic personality disorder.
• 12:27
  I really, really do. I still have it.
• 12:29
  I'm just better at dealing with it because I've been in therapy
• 12:31
  for eight years. I've been in therapy for.
• 12:35
  I've been in psychotherapy for eight years, y'all.
• 12:36
  So I've learn how to deal with it and do it more.
• 12:43
  OK, well, I just saw something right here.
• 12:46
  Why would my ex change his Wi-Fi name to I'm still winning?
• 12:49
  I legit died laughing today because like that, that feels
• 12:51
  like he's trying to, he's trying to convince somebody that he's
• 12:54
  winning, right? He's trying to convince somebody
• 12:56
  that he's winning. I've learned so much from your
• 12:58
  videos. Thank you so much.
• 12:59
  Appreciate it. Appreciate it.
• 13:01
  But anyway, some some don't. They just move on to a new
• 13:04
  supply. Yeah, that's true y'all.
• 13:05
  But y'all, I do have a hype off here.
• 13:07
  I gotta get ready to head home in a second y'all.
• 13:08
  It's been snowing outside and whatnot.
• 13:10
  I appreciate every second one of y'all again.
• 13:12
  Yeah, Check out my website mentalillness.net for
• 13:14
  everything. Lee Hammock, my one on ones, my
• 13:16
  coaching, my courses, everything is at mentalillness.net.
• 13:20
  You can see it right there. Just check me out y'all and we
• 13:24
  will chat again soon. I promise y'all.
• 13:26
  Promise y'all promise y'all we will chat again soon I'll be I'm
• 13:29
  going, I'm be, I'm be going live more I have to and the more live
• 13:34
  I go, the more I can do interact with y'all, y'all.
• 13:36
  Anyway y'all we will chat again this week.
• 13:38
  As I say my support group, I answer questions every single
• 13:42
  day in my support group y'all mental illness.net for
• 13:44
  everything y'all. Be safe, take care of yourselves
• 13:46
  and as always y'all but doing this out peace.