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Transcript

The CORONA · Head Shrink Inc.

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Hey friends, it's Doc David here.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_01: Let's do a check-in.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: You are listening to Head Drinking, your ancestors to life, relationships, and daily living.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: Hey friends, Dr.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: David Simonson here, Head Shrink Inc.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: Podcast.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: If you're listening to this for the first time, welcome.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: Want to invite you to the show.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Feel free to listen to past episodes where we talked about lots of different things related to families, parenting, relationships, etc.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: etc.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: marriage.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: If you have been listening for a while, I'm here again.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: Life just gets uh in the way, right?
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Mini vacations, busyness, and now dun dun dun a virus.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um I I have lots of thoughts on this virus.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: First off, I hope that you are um doing well.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: I hope that you're taking care of yourself and your loved ones.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um what's going on over here is um I I so I'm in Washington State, so we are kind of shut down, schools are out, my kids' college campus dorms have closed, and so now um they're gonna be coming back early and doing online college, which is kind of like homeschool college.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um who knew you could do homeschool college?
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: Well, now you can.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so that so that's going on, and it is very it's very surreal because if you didn't have social media and you didn't have the 24-hour news channel, um, I don't know if there would be this widespread weirdness.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: I know that's that's a horrible way to describe it, but think about this all the post-apocalyptic movies you've ever seen have been no people around, or very very few people around, and then there's either zombies or there's um I want to call them ravagers, but they're the gangs that are you know trying to hoard up the oil.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's that was Waterworld, right?
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: Or there's um gangs that are um holed up in supermarkets that are hoarding all the food.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so you go outside, at least I I went outside, and it's just you know, birds are singing, it's spring, blossoms are coming up, and and it's like I'm expecting a zombie to rush at me or something, but no zombies are showing up.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's this weird kind of dichotomy of we got a shelter in place, we got a um social distance, we have to not be around people, and then you go out and the world's not ending, right?
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: The the sky's not falling, the the earthquakes aren't happening happening.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: So it's I don't know about where you live, but it's it's kind of surreal for me because 25% of my clients have called me and said, Hey, we'll just uh catch back up when this all passes over, and then the other 75% we've gone to just online like video conferencing, which is very that's surreal because I'm in an office by myself talking to a camera, and then the couple, family, or individual is in their car or house.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: So I it's just it's weird all around.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, one of the things that there's three things I wanted to talk about today.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: The first one definitely is don't panic.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: I think that um in our lifetime we've never experienced something like this, and you know, 20 years from now, the history books will talk about.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: So you're living in history.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: You what you are experiencing now will be talked about um years from now and put into history books.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: So I I I say don't panic because this is going to pass.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: Now, there's temporary um temporary discomfort, right?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: Uh your kids are home, you're working from home, perhaps you have a job where now you're laid off.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: So there's economic definitely economic discomfort.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um there's societal pressure to not be interacting with people as closely as you may want to.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I think um, so so don't panic.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: I think the second thing is about social responsibility.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: I think it is important to um do the social distancing.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think we as Americans don't like to be told what to do, generally.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: And so we'll see how long this lasts with people doing the social distancing.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think at some point people are gonna say, screw you, government, I'm gonna do what I want.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think that's just the American way.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas it's very different in a lot of Asian cultures where um there is group think that happens there.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: But I do think my family and I are quarantined, and there's reasons we are.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: We're not fearful, we're not panicked, but we have a daughter with lung disease, and we have you know elderly-in-laws.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so one of the things that I would I don't want to have happen is um healthcare systems that get overwhelmed, right?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: So in Washington State, for example, I've I've researched and we have about 3,000 ventilators um dispersed across 39 counties, and I'm sure the larger counties have more ventilators and the smaller ones have fewer.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so, if you know, if 3,01 people needed a ventilator, I'm gonna want my kid to get a ventilator over your kid.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna want my parents to get a ventilator over your parents, and that's what I'm trying to avoid.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I think most people understand that that's what we're trying to avoid.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it is interesting to see, you know, go on Instagram and see pockets of people poo-pooing social distancing and saying this is just a panic spread by the news media.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think at first it probably was a panic that was spread by the news media, but I think at some point, like science just points to this the facts that our healthcare system will be overwhelmed if the amount of people get sick and and if we don't take care in infecting other people.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so it seems prudent just to exert some social responsibility and isolate yourself from other people.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: Sure, it's a little flu.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, what I've been reading is that some people get it and they don't even know they have it really, or it there's mild effects.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: But for the people that it it really affects, I want those people to be able to get health care.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: I want those pe good health care.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: I I want those people to access a ventilator if they need it.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think a little discomfort socially is okay, you know, temporarily.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just like any other American, I want my freedoms.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I'm willing to be socially responsible for the greater good, and hopefully you are too.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, you are annoyed.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you're probably annoyed, but hopefully you're willing to be okay with your annoyance for the greater good.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I think what I find sad is the people that um all think this is a sham and think I can do what I want, I'm not a sheep, I'm a lion, I run things, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: All you all they do is run their mouths, honestly, I think.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: And they don't um subscribe to this.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to look out for my neighbor.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's I'm gonna look out for myself only.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I think um that is unfortunate because I think there's other people that see that and they think, yeah, me too.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then it just creates this really negative, gross, um warlike heart.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: And and I, if there's anything that I've learned over my years of parenting and and doing therapy with people, it's like warlike hearts are not um enjoyable to be around.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so if you find yourself to to be in a place where you're saying, screw the government, I'll do what I want, no one can control me, I'd ask you to really like think about that, how that how your attitude affects other people.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because we do live in a society society where we need to look out for other people.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if you just look out for number one, no one wants to interact with you, really.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: I guess other people that are sheep want to interact with you, but um no one really wants to interact with you if you have a heart at war towards them.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: So the third thing I want to talk about is um I think on Monday, um, Sunday or Monday, this this online schedule, someone made a schedule because you know, all these kids are home from school right now, and parents are realizing, oh wow, it was a great luxury to have my to not be around my kids throughout the week, and now I'm having to be around my kids throughout the week so much, and it's driving me baddie.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: So someone posted a schedule said, here, do this schedule 9 to 9.30, 10 uh 9.30 to 10:50, 10:50 to 11, 12 to 1, you know.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: And what I've what's happened with that, I think, is that people have seen that schedule and they think, I want to do that.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: And then they over and over they start failing at that schedule.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I've had several uh family, several parents this week that have talked to me about this quote-unquote schedule on Facebook or schedule on social media that they saw.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: And they tried it and they failed, and they felt miserable as a parent, like that it just confirmed in their mind that they weren't doing what they should have been doing as a parent.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I wanted to point out, so I talked to them about that, and I pointed out to them schools are made for schedule, right?
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: Schools are like a scheduling factory, right?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: Kids go there, there's bells, there's doors, they can't freely roam the halls usually, they're supposed to be in a certain place at a certain time or they get a detention.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that's what schools are for.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: Families are made for flexibility.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: Families are where people are supposed to be comfortable.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: And while I think some scheduling is important, I don't think that rigidity, rigid scheduling is useful in a family.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: What I've told what I've told these families, you know, you need during this downtime with your kids, you need to like study your kid and see, does your kid do better at 2 p.m.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: or do they do better at 10 a.m.?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: If they do do, if they do better at 2 p.m., why not schedule some school time to do around 2 p.m.?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: If they do better at 10 a.m., why not schedule some educational activities around 10 a.m.?
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, this is about knowing your kid, and it's about knowing what the rhythm of your family is.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: There is no family like yours, believe it or not.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, there is no rhythm like your family.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: Every family has a different rhythm.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: Every family has a different way they interact with one another.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so when you try to insert a rigid schedule within a rhythm, within a family that has a rhythm of no schedule, you're you are gonna experience failure.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: Now, don't get me wrong, I think that some scheduling is important because people need to get places, um, things need to happen, piano lessons need to go, ballet lessons still need to happen.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: So you have to have some kind of scheduling system, but if but you don't need to have a rigid schedule.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm totally giving you permission as your head shrink ink therapist to throw your schedule out and do what works best for your family.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: Scheduling like the schedule that I saw on Facebook doesn't, in my opinion, does not work best for most families.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: And if you have a friend that is saying, we're sticking to this schedule, and uh, wow, I'm I'm so relieved that there's this schedule and it's gonna be so great.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: Don't compare yourself to them because chances are they're full of it.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: They are not following that schedule.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: They're the family that is actually um letting their kids go on screen time longer than they say they are, they're the family that's actually letting their kids eat junk food when they say they aren't.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because what you gotta do is you gotta think about this uh frame of social media that you see.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like right now, you have no idea what's around me in my office.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: You don't know that there's a um two plastic cups sitting in two places here.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: You don't know that my shoes are off and on the floor, you don't know that I'm just sitting on the couch talking into a microphone.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so there's all these things that are going on that you don't get to see.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so people curate their, most people curate their pictures.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: I really try not to do that on my Instagram or my social media.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: I just try to let you see what it is.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: I try to do that on the truth, I try to do that on this podcast as well.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so you may hear me flub up something, you may hear me stutter, you may hear me say, uh-uh, um, um, and that's because that's how real life is.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's how real people do life.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't like to sugarcoat that.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so what I tell parents, man, do not believe this garbage you're seeing on social media.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: Those are people that are looking for followers, those are most of those people are curating their stuff and they are picking the best picture out of 30 that um that that they've filtered out or that they like the best.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so comparing yourself to that is you will never win.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: You'll always be overwhelmed by stuff like that.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so if you are a parent right now that is trying to follow a schedule and it's not and it's just not working, my encouragement to you is to throw that schedule out and do what works best for your family, do what allows you to emotionally connect with your kid in a positive way.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: Because right now, you're getting a super great opportunity to refocus you on your relationship with your kid.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um, whether it's like, hey, let's go do this thing together.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: Because even though you're working from home, you know, let's be honest, you know, you're not fully putting in an eight-hour day.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um you may put in spurts, like you work for three hours, but you know that you may take two hours off.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: That's just the way it is at working at home.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so what I always suggest is take some time to connect with your kid, whether it's going out for a walk, even if it's a 10-minute walk or a 15-minute walk.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: Go outside, throw a frisbee, go ride a bike, do something with your kid to not only break up the monotony, but to emotionally connect with them in a very different way than you have ever done before.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if you have any comments or questions, go to docdavid.net and drop me an email or go to my Facebook page.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: All of that can be found at docdavid.net.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, hope you're gonna have a great weekend.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: It looks like it's gonna be great weather-wise where I'm at.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, it's great uh weather-wise where you're at.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: Make sure you wash your hands and be socially responsible.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_01: Have a great day, but it's a good idea.