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SMNTY Classics: Queer People We Admire · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny and Samantha and welcome to Stefan
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: never told you, Protection of iHeart Radio. And it is June,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: which means it is Pride month. So we have a
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: couple of classes we want to bring back. Here's one
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: that we did for I was then Women around the World,
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: which is now Feminist around the World, which is queer people.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: We admire you.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: And I were discussing last night that we were kind
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: of planning on our calendar and I'm trying to pick
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: a movie.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to pick.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to remember a movie that is not necessarily
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: like it wouldn't come up on list, but was like
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: a moment for me. Yeah, so many of you listeners
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: have one that please let us know.
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I had one, and I was like, it brought
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: out this big discussion about how amazing the movie was
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: in itself.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: So yes, mm hmmm.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Well, in the meantime, send those suggestions in because I
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: haven't decided yet, but please enjoy this classic episode.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I don't could be Steph.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: I Never told you, Protection of iHeartRadio.
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: And welcome and is June, which means happy Pride Months.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: Annie, thank you to you as well.
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: So we have been doing women around the World for
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: a while now, still trying to think of a new title,
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: still trying to get there. So let's say celebrating great
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: people around the world. That's not a good acronym, I
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: will say that, but I thought it would be interesting,
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: since this is Pride Month, taking it on a personal level,
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: especially about people's journeys. And You've talked a little bit
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: about your own journey between discovering for yourself, your identity
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: and coming out to people around you, and I thought
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: it'd be interesting to hear of the people you admire
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: or look up to as you are processing your journey.
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: So I'm putting you on the.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: Spot you are.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: And because of that, I do have a couple of
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: caveats before I get into this. Okay, so number one,
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: this is far from an exhaustive list, and I'm sure,
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: like probably an hour from now, I'll be kicking myself
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: for people that I've forgotten. I wish I had mentioned
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: because there are a lot of people, and also I
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: didn't have time to vet the folks that I'm going
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: to talk about and make sure they haven't done something
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: really terrible or problematic. Recently, so please give you a
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: pass on that or let me know either way, but
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: just put that out there.
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, it's good to know because sometimes we
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: don't we don't know some of the issues that have happened.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: It's always kind of a fear of ours trying to
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: be inclusive and also trying to be aware of problematic
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: people and why we should call them out. Like there's
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: so many times that I have researched for the specific
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: segment and I'm like, oh no, this one bad thing
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: which can't be ignored. But it makes you sad because
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: you don't want to negate the good things that they
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: have done, right, But it does make you pause and
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: have to rethink what you're talking about and whether it's
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: worth bringing it out or celebrating. Which is a good
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: and bad. There's so many things when it comes to
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: trying to celebrate people.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I'm taking this from a very personal level,
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: so it's coming from how they impacted me and inspired
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: me specifically.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: So that's also something about this.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: I will say, so many women we talk about, are
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: people we talk about on this segment have been inspirations
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: when I hear what they're doing. Books, we've chosen, and
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: one that came to mind and I was thinking about
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: this was Charlene A. Corolla unapologetic. That was great.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: Roxanne Gay is a big one for me.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: Bad feminists, Like the first episode I did on this
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: show was about that and that whole idea, and that
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: really informed how I thought about me as a feminist
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: and how I could be a feminist and be a
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: better feminist but still have these things where I like
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: things that aren't the best feminist entertainment was of the
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: most feminist entertainment Tanya Israel, who was on our show
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: once her bikups she does, which are bisexual haikus.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: So good.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Yes, Yes, I have many coworkers and friends that I
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: would include as influences and inspirations. Many of you listeners
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: who have written in have been so open and honest.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: And then a lot of people we've talked about on
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: this show that I really I'm glad that I encountered
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: and encountered in college for a lot of them, but
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: I hadn't heard of them or didn't know a lot
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: about them. Polly Murray was a big one because they
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: just represent I did so many intersectional identities, also religious Presbyterian,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: which is how I was raised. And I love learning
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: about poly Murray. Billy Jean King. Yes, so I love
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: that the impact Billy Jean King has had and continues
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: to have. I keep seeing headlines about what she's doing now. Right,
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: So I love that Sally Ride the first, I believe,
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: first American woman into space.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: Definitely up there all. I loved hearing her story and.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: All the like both questions she had to answer about,
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: like bras and space and live stick in space and
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: all this stuff and just to she was so the
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: way she handled herself and those questions I loved and
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: then like more. Currently there's Meghan Rampino and also Abby Wombuck,
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: and I kind of this is sort of like I
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: love We've talked about. I enjoy soccer, but I have
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: some friends who love it and to see the impact
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: that those two people have had on them has been
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: really powerful for me.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: And how open they are.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: Laverne Cox just because I hadn't honestly, I hadn't seen
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: a transgender person like that in such popular media right
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: before Laverne Cox and also continues to do amazing things.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: Linda Carter, who played wonder Woman.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: You might have seen recently made some headlines because she
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: tweeted this very beautiful artwork from Paulina Gonachow. I hope
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: I'm pronouncing that correctly. That was like happy Pride everybody.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: It was this beautiful like wonder Woman with rainbows and
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: stars behind her, and said like, if you don't think
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: Wonder Woman was queer, you haven't been paying attention.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: She's by and trans and I just loved it.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: It was so great, And of course, like through fiction
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: fictional women around the world, I do have a lot
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: although I kind of, as I mentioned in that episode,
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: we did bridget on Dana Scully, who is one for me,
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of fan work that I'm doing for
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: all of these because they never were.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: Like fully confirmed.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: It was queer, right, m So Danas Cully, yeah, like
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: she wasn't ever confirmed. But for me, for some reason,
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: I was like, it's a queer woman. I will say.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: Tara and Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer was just
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: problematic for a lot of reasons, not just because Joss
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Whedon stuff, but also just the way it.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: Kind of handled it.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: But it was the first time I saw two women
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: kiss on network TV, and that was a big impact
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: on me Zeno Warrior Princess, whom I had a friend
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: who loved to get a lot of these.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I got to see it's.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: A friend and the impact they had on a friend,
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: and through that it had an impact on me as well.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Doctor Afra, who we talked about in our fictional Woman
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Around the World, who is sort of the Star Wars
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: version of Indiana Jones. This was recent, but it had
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: an impact on me because I wasn't expecting in a comic,
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: a Star Wars comic, to see two women together like
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: physically and not know like I mean, they've clearly had
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: had relations but it wasn't like gratuitous or like who
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: here are hot boobs or whatever it was. You know,
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: they were under the covers together and they had a relationship.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: I have just shocked.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: Yeh shocked. Ellie from the Last of Us.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: Of course, I found out thanks to a listener who
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: let me know this. Yelena from Black Widow is the
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: first confirmed ACE character in Marvel Really. Yeah, okay, so
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: that's cool. I do love Yolena. And then, if you
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: will forgive me, I'm going to include two men. Yeah,
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: thank you, sir. So one is Todd Chavez from BoJack Horseman.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: This is the first time I'd ever seen an asexual
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: character that I know of on TV, and I was like,
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, this this is me, this is what
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: I feel. And then also I just had to include
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: Luke Skywalker.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: Because I knew it was going.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: I found a whole section of the Internet that is
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: very tongue in cheek is called Luke Skywalker gay fashion
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: icon and it gave me the most joy of like
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: had in a long time, and it was hilarious. But
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: also I found this thing that I didn't know where
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: a woman was speaking about how she Luke Skywalker is gay.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: I think she just said Lucyworker's gay. Not I believe it,
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: but he's gay.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: And she got booed and heckled and then like Mark
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: Hamill's stub in the back and said, no, she's right.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I just gave me a lot of.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: Joy, and I think it does make me sad that
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: it's kind of this, like I have to search and
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: write like Squint and convince myself to see this representation.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: But when I can, when I find a beautiful section
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: of the Internet that Luke Skywalker's a gay fashion not
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: gun and I laugh and laugh and it brings me joy.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: I'll take it for now. I'm right.
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: Bring your joy is not a bad thing. As we're
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: talking about more icons and people coming out, there's also
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: that conversation of your heroes who you have put on
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: a pedestal when they fall, what do you do? What
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: is the reaction? Because there's a lot of problematic things
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: out in the world. We know with jk Rowling and
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: her what seemingly came out with like we were so
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: excited that maybe, yes she is an ally and she's
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: exhibiting all this in the book, and yes, look she's
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: uh confirming that Dumbledore was gay, and you know all
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: of these things. But then you find out her stances
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: are very TERFy and that she is exclusionary of trans
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: because she fears trans women, which is a whole different
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: conversation in itself, And then what do you do about that?
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: What do you do when you have someone on such
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: high esteem, and how do you pick yourself back up
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: of that? And then how do you enjoy it? One
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: of the things about that is Glee, the show, which
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: is problematic in itself. Please don't get me wrong, but
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: there was a lot of good representation in LGBTQ relationships
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: that made it normalized instead of being overly tongue in
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: cheek and or so sexualized to a certain degree, Like
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: there was moments of like, oh, why did you have
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: to do that? But there's so many problems within that show,
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: including the actual people in the show, that it's like, Oh, now,
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: it's kind of disturbing to watch, whether it's the death
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: of your favorite actor, or the death or the arrest
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: of possibly a pedophile and all of these things that
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: happened within that show. You're like, as a person who
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: I really love musicals, I love songs, and to see
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: it being acceelebrated for the first time with like this
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: and people loving it made me feel less nerdy to
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: say that, you're like, oh, yay, and then it kind
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: of goes away because of a lot of problems that
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: happened within it. Harry Potter's the same things, like I
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: love the movies, but I wasn't the deep fan that
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: so many people have been where they just embraced it
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: and took it on to a part of their personality
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: and loved it and used it as a comfort in
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: their trauma. To come back to oh what do I
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: do now? Like there's this conversation of Okay, we have
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: to squint and really search, but what do we do
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: when our heroes fall? And I know you were a
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: big fan of Harry Potter, how did you fill with
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: all of that kind of like negativity that seems to
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: be placed on it now And what are your thoughts
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: on enjoying it today?
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, again, I'm going to just caveat this with this
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: is very personal take that I have.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I did love Harry Potter.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I think it might shock you to know this, but
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: it was bigger than like what's happening with Star Wars
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: right now. Like I loved it right and it was
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: something that got me through the most traumatic time of
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: my life, and all my friends loved it.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: And I happened to be growing up at the time
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: when it.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: Was like perfect, Like we graduated high school when the
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: Seventh book came out, we graduated college when something the
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: movie came out, So it was like a very timing
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: was perfect, and it just meant so much to me
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: and it was a huge part of my identity.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: And I think because.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: I wasn't on social media, I was able to avoid
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: the knowledge of that she was Jakberling was a turf
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: for a long time, and especially because she had kind
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: of that reputation of being like a good ally and
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: like articles would come up about how like Trump is Voltimore,
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: you know, like and all that stuff. So she had
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: like that going for her. But then it just became
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: like impossible to ignore, and unfortunately for me, that has
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: made it extremely difficult for me to engage in it.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: And I also hate it too because I mean, obviously
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: it's awful, but growing up when I liked it, there
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: was this idea that it was silly to like that's
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: what I experienced, Like it was childish and frivolous and silly,
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: and so I always felt like I had to defend
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: why it was good and why I liked it and
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: why it was valuable and worthwhile.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: And so now it's like I.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: Feel shame about it because people know I loved it,
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: Like there's no way I can.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: If you've known me for any amount of time, you
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: know that I loved it.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: And I still have, like you know, posters up and
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: I haven't had the heart to take him down. But
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: so there's that aspect of it as well, And then
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: I hate this too. I have friends who are still
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: really into it and I can't if they bring it up,
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: it's like I can totally shut down, Like, oh, but
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: I do want to say some of you listeners, some
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: of you trans listeners, have written and said like it
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: meant so much to me and this is how I'm
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: like reclaiming it or reshaping it or all that stuff.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: So I don't want to get this is very personal
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: to me, right, and I don't want to take that
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: away from anybody. And I know we had that one
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: listener right in once she was really standing her friend
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: who wrote the fan fiction show.
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: Yes, and I still think about that and they read
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: a better job.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: Yes, I love that too, So I don't want Like,
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: for me, it's hard. But if you can reclaim it
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: in a way that doesn't feel like totally gross and
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: you could write fan fiction or whatever it is.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: Then yeah, And that's the thing is like, if it
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: helped you process that, then that is a personal thing
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: for you and it shouldn't be taken away. But yeah,
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: the bigger question is like what happens when our heroes fall?
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: And you know, Ellen DeGeneres is kind of one of
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: those things as well, because she was iconic essentially coming
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: out on national TV and was one of the first,
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: and she was successful, and for so long she had
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: been hiding that part of her identity, never really speaking
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: too much about it. I don't know if you remember
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: the Ellen sitcom show that existed way before, Okay, way
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: before I remember a bit, but playing the heteronormative role
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: she did. And then finally, I believe it was towards
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: the end of the seasons, she just finally just came out.
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: It just happened, and it was earth shattering for so many,
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: for the conservatives and for the non conservatives, because it
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: was a statement. It was a bold move during that
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: time when on national TV that wasn't being represented like that,
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: and especially a family sitcom. And I remember people really
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: loving what she was doing coming out, being on Time magazine,
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: being on all the other I'm coming out literally was
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: the headline of some of her magazines, and seeing her
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: become that icon and that you really wanted to go
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: with because it seemed like she leveled up to this
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: like kindness, perspective and joy and giving and maybe it
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: was during a different time and during easier time, I
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: don't know, but then she kind of fell from grace
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: because of a lot of the problematic things that came
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: up from her show, her own response to some of
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: the political conversations that were happening, like eh, we get it,
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: but maybe no. Yeah, at the end of her season,
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: I think it's finally done. Everybody was criticizing the work
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: ethic on her set, some of the things in questions,
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: and how she went after people and her guests, and again,
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: I think this doesn't have as big of a cultural
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: impact today. Maybe I could be wrong, let me know,
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: But for what she did in the beginning of her
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: career was huge and a huge risk at that point
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: in time.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: Don't get me wrong.
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: She is still a white woman, fairly rich, fairly successful,
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: so she did have a padded step up, but it
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: still was a risk. And we know this, and to
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: see that type of level of not necessarily like failure.
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: It's not a failuret She made money, she made h
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: killing off her show, all of that, and she has
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: a lot of connections. We know this, and she's not
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: just gonna go away. We know she's going to come back.
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: It's it's inevitable, but it is. It was kind of
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: hard to kind of see that to this today to
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: her transition today, also with the fact that just like that,
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: she's human. And that's the problem is like we maybe
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: we're putting too much on those when we see that
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: in that are in the public eye. What is the
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: responsibility that they hold in being human versus what it's
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: the responsibility that they hold in being a public figure.
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: So there's a whole different there's a whole level of conversation.
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: Of course, being the turf is a whole different, different
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: different conversation and itself, especially when you're writing op eds
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: about why you're a turf. But there's so many thoughts
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: to that. Obviously, I want to come back to it
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: because it's a constant Whe'm like, please, don't put me
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: on pedestal. Don't put people in a higher reach because
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: they're inevitably going to disappoint you. And here's what you
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: need to do to pick yourself up after the point,
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: like not to be the negative Nancy, but to be
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: the negative Dancy.
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And also.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: I don't want to because I've heard a lot of
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: people gay women specifically say how much Ellen interestments and
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: I think that through that inspired them to either come
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: out or pursue things they thought they couldn't pursue, so
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: I don't want to take that away either.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: Hopefully you know, yes, we should definitely recognize problem back
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: behavior and not saying that.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: At all, but hopefully you who took inspiration from that
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: will move on and be better do better.
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: And with that, there's a lot of conversation about identity
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: and being able to safely be who you are and
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: just a stigma that has played so many from being
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: able to be themselves. And we've been able to follow
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: your journey in this. I feel like we've really gotten
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: to see you grow and really understand who you are.
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: Just from our first episode about being Ace and you
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: having those conversations to even reading the books and understanding
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: a little more about who you are are. You're like,
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: oh yeah, and again you have done this very transparently
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: for all of us. And I've asked before, but I
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: think it's always worth coming back to what advice would
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: you give to others who are trying to understand their
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: own journeys?
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: Who, Yeah, I will say that everyone is different, and
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: I always there's something lovely about that and also is
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: kind of scary about that, because I'm sure all of
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: us feel this way. But I feel like my coming
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: out story is very I don't want to say strange,
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: but kind of different because I did kind of do
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: it through a podcast, right. I came out on this
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: podcast before I came out to anybody I knew. Like really,
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: I would say, definitely find yourself a support group, and
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: you can do that in multiple ways, and I think
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: multiple ways is the best, Like if you can find
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: a close group of friends or you know who have
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: your back, if you can find there's plenty of really
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: good online groups that you can find a lot of
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: cities have meetups and like not to tutor and horn,
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: but you could include us and not like a podcast
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: or something because for me, like starting on the show,
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: I've said it before, but it was like, oh gosh,
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: I'm not alone because I came from this small town
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: and I just wasn't hearing this kind of stuff.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: And I would.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: Suggest, ideally you do all of that before coming out.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Just had like a reminder, you know, there's a bigger
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: role out there, have a self care plan in place.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: And I'm saying all of this.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: As somebody who kind of didn't do it, so it's
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: sort of like giving advice that I didn't really follow.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: But I just think like, ideally, luckily I had all
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: that stuff and it worked out, but I think ideally
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: you would kind of have that and be able to
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: prepare yourself and so that you can anticipate that if
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: there are these negative reactions from people or because it
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: is hard and it is scary, you.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: Have this net, this safety net just like to go ahead.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: So it's almost like thinking about it, planning it, making
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: sure you're taking care of yourself the whole way, because
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: it's it's kind of shocking. I'm very insulated in a
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: lot of ways because I'm in a kind of liberals
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: part of a kind of liberal city. But occasionally, like
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: very recently, I got kind of a hateful thing said
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: to me, and it I was just so taken aback
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: by it because to me, I'm just be and I'm
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: not bothering you.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: So it's good to have.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: Like even though I did, I didn't really talk to
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: anybody about it. I had people to go to and
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: just sort of like, screw that guy, I'm just gonna talk.
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: Who do I need to pull up on?
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: Because what yeah, see, this is all you need. You
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: need a Samanthem colder. Let's go I'll find you. Oh, oh,
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: I'll find you. Definitely not listening, but noted. I'll find
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: you listen.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: You know, honestly, one of the reasons I wanted to
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: put you on the spot as I am thinking about
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: Pride Month and we want to celebrate. We do it
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: throughout the year, we do it.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: All the time.
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: I know, like it's just constant that we want to
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: talk about all the amazing people, whether the non binary, trans,
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: queer whatever. This is our constant and we want to
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: keep it intersectional. But because it is a time that
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: we are going to celebrate Pride Month, I was trying
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: to think who do I admire? Who do I see
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: And not that I don't admire more people. I just
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: have this oddness to the fact that I don't look
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: up to celebrities.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: That's not a thing for me.
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: I don't know why I've never had idols or mentors
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: in that way. But people that I look up to
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: are people that I've seen their growth and experience. And
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: I was like, Annie is truly one of those people
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: that I queer people I admire because I've seen your
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: journey and the joy and the pain that you've gone through,
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: but also the way that you have really navigated a
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: path for others, including our listeners, who have reached out
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: constantly saying thank you so much for your openness about
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: you coming out from about your trauma and understanding your
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: trauma and how that does play into your identity as well,
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: and just understanding even more of your a queer identity
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: beyond that and who you are. And so I was like, yeah,
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna put any on the spot because you're the
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: woman that I do admire, You're the queer person and like,
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: not just because you're queer obviously, but just seeing this
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: journey has been fulfilling for me to watch you love
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: yourself and that has been a glorious thing. So I
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: wanted to take this time. I couldn't put it on
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: the outline say any, which I was technically I'm not
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: gonna put this on here and make it real really odd,
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: but I love you and I wanted you to know
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: that as someone who wants to be an ally but
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: honestly just someone who's watching someone they love find themselves
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: has been amazing and I'm glad to have been part
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: of this journey with you very small just listening. Honestly,
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: this journey I want to say a part I mean
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: listening with you and say that you are amazing and
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: I'll hope you know that. I celebrate you all the time,
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: every time, anytime. But yes, to me, you are someone
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: who should be looked up to as well.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: Oh thank you.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: I love you too, and you have been invaluable on
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: this journey and listening is no small thing at all.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: So thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: All right, ended on that happy note, that's it.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, And also I'm loving seeing all of these
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: pictures of people really joyously celebrating pride, so.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: Keep those coming.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: And we do have some more contents around this, because
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: I know there's a lot of negativity going on right
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: now and that can get difficult to be bogged down in.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: But yes, find that story where you can.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: And also you can always reach out to us are
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: to me specifically, some of you have and some of you.
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: Have helped me and I love that.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: So I'm I am here and you can do that
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: at our email which is Steffanie moms Stuff, atiheartmeia dot com.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: You can find us on Twitter at moms Stuff podcast
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: or Instagram at Stuff I've Never Told You. Thanks is
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: always to our suproducer Christina.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: Hey you and thanks to you for listening stuff and
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: never told you.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: Direction from iHeart Radio. For more podcasts on my heart Radio,
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: this is the I heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows.