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EP 33 Surrender - Patty Gerstenberger · iRefresh Podcast

• 0:05
  After a decade of gathering women together for prayer, we are inspired to bring our words of encouragement to you. This is iRefresh. I am, my name's Laura Watson. I'm part of iRefresh and I get the privilege of introducing our speaker tonight, Patty Gerstenberger. And I've known Patty a long time since pre-babies, ORU days and you know, our kids growing up and
• 0:34
  She is many things. She is a friend, a mother, wife, sister, daughter. And currently she is a life coach and which she is very good at.
• 0:45
  Um, but Patty is one of those people that I have watched her over these many years, and she has just always been consistent, been consistent in her walk with the Lord, been consistent in challenging herself in things of the Lord, and just pursuing the Lord and just to see what he has for her and just
• 1:05
  walking out what she says and not just saying it. So I do appreciate that. And I love too that Patty's one where she lovingly challenges you. She will listen and she will, you know, she, you know, her ear is towards you listening to what you're sharing and what you're saying, but she's also one that's going to say,
• 1:26
  I hear you, but what have you asked the Lord? And what have you been praying about? And what can we help you put in place so that we can bring a resolution to this? So that is one thing I greatly appreciate because we all need those kind of people. We need people who will listen, people who will encourage us and strengthen us, but also people who will propel us.
• 1:47
  in the direction that the Lord wants us to go, correct? And that is what she is definitely gifted at. So I am excited you guys get to hear what the Lord has put on her heart and what the Lord has for each of us in this season. So I know whatever she speaks on is going to be a warden season. So welcome, Patty, as she comes up and shares with us. Well, welcome.
• 2:17
  I'm so glad to see so many of you. I just want this to, if you can just envision you being in my living room, I want you to get comfortable.
• 2:25
  I have a word for you, but I also want to encourage you that this is not for me. This is an invitation for the Lord, from the Lord. As much as I want to bring my authenticity, my vulnerability, my stories, even my transparency, this night is really about you yourself.
• 2:49
  and an invitation that the Lord has. So tonight's message is called Surrender, A Beautiful Exchange. And even in the message, I want you to view it as more of an invitation from the Lord. This is an invitation tonight with all that you brought tonight, the heaviness, the loneliness, the addictions,
• 3:20
  some of the offenses, expectations, how about holiday expectations? All those things that we carry, relational challenges, kids, I have a 16 year old. These are all things that we as women, we carry. And tonight's an invitation for you to consider leaving it here. And that what you're gonna leave with is actually a gift
• 3:48
  in exchange from the Lord. There's just one simple requirement in even you leaving it here, and that's surrender. Let's pray.
• 4:03
  Lord, we just thank you for this time tonight. Lord, I thank you for every single person who is here tonight. Lord, you know her story. You see right where she is at, Father. I am so thankful that nothing is hidden from you.
• 4:19
  So tonight, Lord, we just come to you and just ask that you have your way. I pray that you speak through these words, Lord, that will penetrate the hearts, but also offer the invitation to come to you with everything that we have and everything that we are, Father. So we just give you this evening. We just release your Holy Spirit to do as he does best.
• 4:43
  Lauren, that he comes to comfort, but also to bring truth and light, Father. So we just thank you for tonight's word, in the name of Jesus, amen. So what is surrender? This is gonna be interactive. You're in my living room. What do you think of when you think of surrender? Letting go. That's great. Relinquishing.
• 5:14
  Release. Release. That's a good one. So what if tonight we actually redefined what surrender means? What if the giving up is actually a giving up? For me to surrender an area of my life, for me to consider, ugh, I'm just going to give up, that's reactive.
• 5:41
  Proactive is, you know what, I'm going to take that area and I'm going to give it up and I'm going to leave it at the throne. That's a different position. So tonight what we're going to do is we're going to talk about three different positions with surrender. And then what we're going to do is we're going to have an opportunity for you to assess yourself. So this is self-assessment.
• 6:09
  You know, and even in coaching, one of the things I like to do is increase self-awareness. And the example I like to use is, if you were to step on a scale, I know I've already got your ears, and a scale says 186, but I told you that I weighed 122, you honestly don't care that I weigh 168, right? But the concern is, is why am I lying to you?
• 6:38
  And really, why am I lying to myself? And the Bible talks about even our hearts are self-deceived. So even in your own self-assessment, tonight I wanna give you permission to really consider all that you're carrying. And then what we're gonna do is you're gonna be invited at the very end to have a time where you're gonna bring those things before God. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna start with a word for those of you who have your Bibles or your phones.
• 7:06
  I'm sure you're not texting. We're going to look at Romans 12, 1 and 2. Beloved friends, see you 30. A response to God's marvelous mercies. I encourage you to surrender yourselves to God, to be a sacred living sacrifices, and live in holiness.
• 7:33
  experiencing all that delights his heart, for this becomes your genuine expression of worship. Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God's will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes. We all want change, right?
• 8:06
  But God calls us to a total surrender to him, choosing to position him Lord over every area of our lives. So that's part of the exchange is we're surrendering and the Lord is giving us something in exchange. And how does surrendering open the door to change? It relinquishes our control and allows the Lord to move on our behalf. And that's part of surrendering. So the first area of surrender is
• 8:33
  Our first position of surrender that we're going to talk about is I won't surrender. How many have already chosen that? I'm not doing that. I refuse to surrender that. Now this could be honestly any area of your life, whether it's with a person, could be with a relationship, it could be, you know, personally, could be a food addiction. It could be so many different areas.
• 9:03
  And Luke 6.46, if you want to head there, says, Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and do not do what I say? As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like. They are like a man building a house who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock.
• 9:31
  When a flood came, the torrent, torrent is like rushing waters, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who builds a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck the house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.
• 9:58
  Sometimes in the area that we choose not to surrender, we don't take into consideration that there's actually a cost to not surrender. We just live in the moment. But really, we're called to dig down and to establish that firm foundation, and that's the daily surrender, right? I wish it was a once surrender. You know, you surrendered your lives to the Lord, but this is a daily surrender that he has called us to.
• 10:29
  When I had been married for, I think maybe it was like around seven years, we had a service and they had a time where there was an altar call for surrender and I felt like I was supposed to go. I really wanted to, you know, just be at that place where I was surrendering every area of my life. Until the Lord spoke to me about something that I had not surrendered, I had chosen not to, and he brought it back up that he really wanted me to take care of it.
• 11:00
  So it was an area that I'd already once chosen not to surrender, and now I was giving it another opportunity, but I didn't want to because it was going to have a lot of consequences. But I really wanted to make the right decision, and really it was a test. I felt like it was a test for me that the Lord was asking me to rebuild my foundation. So I mustered up the courage to tell my husband, God bless Roger,
• 11:30
  And I had told him about a time in high school when I worked at a flower shop, loved the Rose Bowl, it was a flower shop, a very, very happy place to work. Well, I had stolen an ice cream pail almost full of quarters. It was a lot of money. I had no reason to steal it. I worked a lot of hours. I had a good paycheck. You know, I mean, that's embarrassing.
• 12:00
  And I told Roger, and Roger being Roger, said, let's go take care of it. And I was secretly hoping he was going to say, well, it was under the blood. That was so many years ago, because now it would have been 15, 20 years prior to that. Oh, no. No, we made plans to drive up to Minnesota, 10 hours.
• 12:23
  And not only were we going to repay the amount that I had stolen, but he said there's also interest. And on top of that, I had not worked for four years. So I want you to really feel that. My surrender was not only going to cost me something, it was going to cost my husband more.
• 12:48
  and really was gonna cost my family because I was gonna have to go up there and I found out that it was enough money that it was, you know, I told him, I said, Roger, it's enough money that I stole that it was a misdemeanor in Minnesota so they could put me in jail. Do you know his response was? I'll visit you.
• 13:12
  He was determined to help me do what I felt like I was supposed to do. And we headed up to Minnesota. I think I stopped in every restroom all the way up there. It was awful. And I know that I could not have done that without him. And I made the appointment with the owners, and they were more than happy to see me. Why wouldn't they? And then I told them what I had done. And they were very shocked. They were gracious. Gave them the...
• 13:41
  Nice big check and I felt like I had lost about 50 pounds. I felt so good. It was so hard. And yet I knew that I had done the right thing. And honestly, I was not characterized by doing the right thing. Just ask Cheryl. I have lots of water balloon stories in college that...
• 14:07
  We all have areas in our life that we don't want to surrender, but there's a cost, and we think that we can bury it. Well, where do you think it's going to go? You know, he asks us to surrender it all. That's part of living a life for him, not for myself. So as I'm walking through these different positions of surrender, I want you to ask the Lord, is there any area that I'm choosing to not surrender to him?
• 14:36
  You thought this was going to be a fun message, right? All right, position number two, a partial surrender. What does that look like? Oh, let me go back. Okay, so for that first one, for my no surrender, what I felt like I gave up, even in my own sin, what I felt like the Lord gave me was freedom. That's key. I want you to see what the exchange is in these different examples.
• 15:04
  So position number two is the partial surrender. Honestly, this is where most of us are at in different areas of our life. That's when you haven't totally surrendered an area. Maybe I say, oh, no, of course I'd be happy to. But my heart, thinking, no way. If you haven't surrendered, who's fighting the battle? You know, we want the Lord to fight the battle for us.
• 15:34
  But what if I'm in there with him? Do I actually think that I'm helping him? Have you ever co-managed anything with God? But yet that's what I do. What would it be like to watch the Lord battle for you? Like, think about that. My area that I'm struggling with, what would it be like if I surrendered that and allowed the Lord to move without me getting in the way?
• 16:02
  And then I have to ask myself, what's my biggest fear in letting go? To be completely surrendered. Mark 3.25 says, a house divided against itself cannot stand. Well, that also speaks to us. If I'm divided in my own heart,
• 16:23
  My body, mind, and spirit aren't lined up. We feel divided. Like even as women, we have that intuition. Gosh, I just don't have a piece about that. Well, it's because you don't. But you can get it. Matthew 6.24 speaks to the fact that you can't serve two masters. Have you ever seen two people dancing and they're both trying to lead? It doesn't work. And yet we've all done it.
• 16:53
  In my own surrender, so funny, because I so knew that this is what the Lord wanted to speak to you, and it's been a crazy couple of weeks because it's something that the Lord really has wanted to work out in my own heart. Roger and I have been married for 29, almost 29 years, and...
• 17:13
  Taking a look at his job history, it's not like a lot of people that we've seen. My dad worked for the same employer for 35 years. Roger has had many different jobs. Thankfully, he has more of a fear of the Lord than he does a fear of me. But we've moved across the country, and we've had times where, you know,
• 17:33
  We're moving to Wisconsin, which I was so excited. But then I realized what that really looked like for us to move across the country. So I said I was going with him, but there's a big piece in me that refused to go with him. Well, I brought that with me.
• 17:51
  When we feel split in our own hearts, minds, and bodies, we take that to different areas, which is why it's so important for us to be wholehearted in every area of our life, and that means surrendering every area to God.
• 18:08
  So in this last transition, I was just determined. It's something that I really fought for in my quiet time. Lord, I want to do this transition well. I've done 25 horrible. Surely I really want to find you in this. And I felt like it was a place that I was needing to surrender to the
• 18:30
  what my husband's jobs look like. And honestly, he has such a heart for provision and taking care of me. He does not need me asking him 52 times if he's sure. So I prayed about it, and I felt like the Lord asked me to ask Roger what I could do in this season of transition to show him love and respect. And do you know what he said?
• 19:00
  Pursue me. And I thought, you know, that's it. He doesn't need me to help him, because I'm not helping him. I'm just throwing my fear all over him. And as a wife, and some of you ladies who are married tonight, married here tonight, you need to hear there's some things that you are the only one
• 19:25
  who can meet your husband's needs. And it's not just sexually, it's emotionally, it's mentally, it's spiritually. You know, I know what Roger's love language is. You know, I know what his favorite meals are. And I'm not saying that that's your key to the transition, but that was my key. And what the Lord very much showed me, which I wanna share with you, in our partial surrender,
• 19:53
  a lot of times we step into fear and that affects all of our relationships. So now when you're telling me about something that you have going on, well, I'm putting my fear on you and it actually causes you to stumble in your own surrender. And as women, we have the ability with our voice to cause somebody to pause or doubt in their own surrender. Does that make sense?
• 20:22
  You are women of influence, but we are called to speak.
• 20:28
  what he tells us to speak, not what I'm speaking, are really out of my fear because I have set my husband, I've set my kids, probably set my kids, my friends, off course because of my own fears. Instead of asking questions or leaning into them and really hearing their heart, which really allows them to process without me putting myself in there.
• 20:56
  So in that moment of that transition, I surrendered my fear, and guess what God gave me? Adventure. And I wanna be an adventurous person. I have three boys. People say I'm adventurous, but yet I struggle with fear. That's a very real thing. The last position, number three, and I want you again to be asking yourself, Lord, do I have any areas that I'm saying no to surrender?
• 21:26
  Is there any areas in my life that I have a partial surrender? And what areas in my own life am I totally surrendered? Let's look at Luke 9, 23 and 24. Jesus said to all of his followers, If you truly desire to be my disciple, you must disown your life completely and embrace my cross as your own and surrender it to my ways. Amen.
• 21:56
  For if you choose self-sacrifice, giving up your lives for my glory, you will embark on a discovery of more and more of true life. But if you choose to keep your lives for yourselves, you will lose what you try to keep. When did we get to the place where we felt like we had a choice to choose? Seriously.
• 22:23
  Here we're being offered, if I surrender, that I'm going to have a discovery of more and more of true life. If I don't surrender, I'm going to lose it anyways. It almost brings me comfort to know that I don't have a choice, and that I just need to figure out how I'm going to get to the place where I can be brave enough to make the right choice to surrender.
• 22:50
  But remember, not choosing to surrender also has a cost to my foundation. We are called align our body, mind, and soul with the Lord in deep surrender. And how many of us have not surrendered and we've taken it into a new season? Well, that doesn't fit either.
• 23:15
  I'm reminded when, you know the story of Abraham, when he was called to sacrifice his son and he's trudging up the mountain. And Isaac is saying, Dad, what are we doing? Like, where are we going? And Abraham chose to remember in that moment of him walking to sacrifice his only son,
• 23:40
  to take his focus off those circumstances and shift it to the promises that God had for him. And what were his promises? His promises were, you'll have nations. You know, your descendants will be more than the sands. So he didn't know how he was going to get there, but him being able to step into shifting to God's promises and keeping his eyes on there helped him bridge
• 24:11
  to get there. And the Lord met him right where he was at, at his surrender, the Lord provided another sacrifice. This is all about the great exchange. And the Bible's full of great exchanges. Isaiah 61 is a great example where it talks about, he gives us, we give him our ashes and he gives us our beauty. You all have ashes.
• 24:44
  We give him our mourning and he gives us joy. We give him our despair. How many people have had despair besides me? And he gives us a garment of praise. In the world that we live in, it says that this isn't possible. But are you going to believe the world or are you going to believe the word of God? It's honestly your choice. It's your choice.
• 25:09
  But even surrounding ourselves with people who are making the choice to believe, doesn't mean that our lives aren't messy. Our lives are very messy. But that doesn't mean that we don't have hope to choose to surrender. Little over a year ago, I hosted a group of eight people to climb Mount Rainier.
• 25:36
  I don't know if you all are familiar with Mount Rainier. I am an adventure hiker girl. Mount Rainier is more than a hike. It's a mountaineering expedition. I thought I knew what I was signing up for. Roger and I trained for months and months and months, and we were just so excited and honored. It was part of a company that I was partnering with
• 26:02
  In leading these eight people, we had three guides, and it was a two-day adventure. And if you can picture me with winter gear on, I had huge boots on, I had crampons, which were spikes. I had a helmet on, I had an ice axe, and we carried on the first day, we carried about 35 pounds. And then the second day, we carried 25 pounds. And the second night, we had to leave at one in the morning
• 26:32
  Because it was timed for the sun. It was very strategic in how we had to climb the mountain, where we had to make sure, climbing over crevasses, which thankfully the first part was at night. I had my headlamp on, but I was not looking down. But we found ourselves.
• 26:52
  It was so challenging having the boulder hop, which giant boulders, and just trust that our campons would hold our weight from going from boulder to boulder up this mountain. And it was ridiculously hard. We had another group that went ahead of us, and we found out later they had to separate us by 10 minutes because there were avalanches.
• 27:15
  And they didn't want the avalanche to take out two teams. It would only take out one team and give the other time. So that's when you realize, OK, this is a pretty big hike. But we were so excited. And my then 24-year-old son was part of it. And it was just so much fun to do with Roger, Carlin, and I, but also the other people. And we got up very, very rigorous.
• 27:42
  And at one of the last passes, at about 12,500, it's called Disappointment Cleaver. And on the way up there, I started falling.
• 27:53
  I don't know why I was falling. I didn't, you know, got back up. I had a helmet. We were also roped into each other. So for safety, if one person fell over, the other people would weigh them where they could bring them back up. I started getting a little bit dizzy, which with altitude that happens. And that had happened to me before, but I didn't think anything of it. And on the way up to the last break, the guide turned to me and said, well, we need to have a little chat.
• 28:21
  So my coaching hat kicked in, and I said, absolutely. You know, are you OK? You know, what's going on? He said, no, this is about you. I said, OK.
• 28:32
  He just said, you are showing signs of hypoxia. Hypoxia is low levels of oxygen to your brain. And he said, we're going to have to talk about whether or not we're going to continue. I'm like, no, I'm continuing. I did not train for years to not summit. I'm going up there. And he turned to me and said, you trying to make the summit, it's going to prevent three other people from doing it.
• 29:00
  I was mad. You know, we went up, he talked with the other guy, and he came back and just said, you're finished. You are absolutely finished. You're done. We're gonna unrope you. And I started crying. Roger and Carlin didn't know what was wrong. And it was such a quick turnaround. And you know, you all have been there where you've signed up for something, and then something happens, and you're
• 29:30
  It just changes. You know, you hear the word cancer, words like divorce, words like your season has changed. So Roger said, I'm not gonna go, I'm with you. And I'm like, said some things that were very unladylike. Said, you're going, I'll be fine, I'll be fine. I do not cry much and I belly sobbed.
• 29:59
  all the way down, just saying, Lord, you told me to do this, and I failed. I don't know where you are in this. You know, and some of you have been there too. You feel the Lord, but you don't know where he is. Why is this happening to you?
• 30:22
  Took us a long time to get down, took us a couple of hours, and I saw a beautiful sunrise, and I could feel the Lord, but I could not see him. Went down to Camp Muir. It's arguably harder to get down a mountain than it is to get up, and I climbed up in the bunk. I cried until I fell asleep for a couple of hours, and
• 30:46
  When everybody else came, I was so happy, but I was so sad. I was just having to wrestle out. I want to do the right thing, but I don't understand why this happened. And we cheered them in, which, you know, we were so proud of them. It was a huge, huge summit. And I had to fight the lies that I'm a disappointment. And that I failed myself.
• 31:16
  And I, you know, it's, even when people say Mount Rainier, I'm like, okay, let's go back there. But really what the Lord gave me is I'm disappointed, but I'm not a disappointment. And the exchange for me was, I gave him my disappointment and he told me how proud he was, how brave I was.
• 31:41
  I didn't finish it. I did not summit. But every single person who was on my team came up and said, if it wasn't for you saying yes, I would not have summited. And some of you need to hear the things that have not gone well or they've gone awry.
• 32:03
  The things that we do are not all for us. A lot of times they're for somebody else. And are you willing to surrender even that, trusting the Lord for your season? That's what surrender is. Tonight I want to give you the opportunity to exchange your fear for your trust, your expectation for his promises, the lies for truth,
• 32:33
  busyness for peace. Transformation leads to reformation of how you think. The Lord only brings us by his perspective. One of my favorite things in coaching is help people shift their perspective. Because if your perspective is your truth, you can't change that. If you were to tell me, no, that didn't happen, that's not what I saw.
• 33:03
  But a lot of times we do have the wrong perspective. And that's also part of the surrender, is surrendering your perspective for his. There's only one person who can shift that, and it's not you. So where is your heart tonight? What areas are you struggling with? What areas are you sensing that the Lord wants you to surrender?
• 33:30
  I have a couple quick steps. You all have a piece of paper and a pen by you if you want to grab those. I want to take some time and space
• 33:43
  for you to ask the Lord for yourselves. Nobody else is gonna see this piece of paper. This is just between you and the Lord. But I really wanna invite you, tonight is your night. I don't want you to leave here not having the opportunity to surrender something that you're carrying, that the Lord wants you to release. Is it hard? Yes. But what's faith? Faith is believing and trust is letting go. Tonight's your night.
• 34:14
  So what I want you to do is I'm just going to give you a minute, and I want you to ask the Lord, what are you asking me to surrender? I want you to write it down. It's important for you to see it on paper, not just in your mind. But I want you to see it for yourself. When you're finished, I want you to take...
• 34:38
  some time and just picture yourself surrendering these things to the Lord and giving up. Remember, we're surrendering. After you've done that, what I'd like you to do is to ask the Lord, what is the exchange? Lord, what gift do you have for me?
• 35:00
  It might be a word, it might be a picture, it might be a scripture. What does he have for you to take home in exchange tonight? The last step, and you can take some more time if you need to, but the last step, and I wouldn't be a coach if I was not to implement this, but I want you to picture one person that you're gonna share this with. God tells us that he guides the humble.
• 35:26
  And he wants to be with you in this step as you choose to surrender to him, but leave with a beautiful gift from his heart.