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Transcript

#HURDLEMOMENT: 5 Reasons Why You're Failing ( + How To Turn Things Around) · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hey hahd Larry's I'm only a body here on a
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: solo mission for this week's hurdle Moment from Hurdle, a
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: podcast that talks to everyone from entrepreneurs to top CEOs
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: and athletes about how they've got through tough times hurdles
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: of sorts by leaning into wellness. Now, if you're just
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: newly listening to the pod, and I know I have
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: a few of you out there, first of all, thank you, Hi, welcome,
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: But more importantly, a little info on hurdle Moment. I
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: started doing these fifteen minute or less segments a few
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: months ago because I felt like there was more I
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: wanted to say. I wanted to have an opportunity to
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: connect with this audience more often, and so what you
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: can expect from these are bite sized episodes that talk
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: about everything from being an entrepreneur to just trying to
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: be a better person and doing self work, to running
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: and athletics and just you know, all the things that
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: I am interested in. Before I get into this week's
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: hurdle moment or I'm going to be talking about the
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: reasons why we often fail a little howkeeping I am
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: so so excited to be hosting a ladies, run and
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: grub Sorry guys, with my friends from Wollago and Charlie Street.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Next Thursday, September fifth, at six thirty pm, we're going
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: to be linking up at Willico's headquarters in Tribeca. You
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: can get the address information in the link to the
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: description of this episode. Heading out at six thirty run
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: in a five k end in that five k at
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Charlie Street. Don't worry you can't come straight from work.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: There will be changing rooms and bathrooms and all the things,
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: and then we're just gonna have a fun little conversation
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: once we get to Charlie Street and connect and just
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: enjoy each other's company. The best part is it's free,
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: so again, sign up by clicking the link with the
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: description to this episode where you'll find all of the details.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: Hope to see all of you hurdlers there. Now, let's
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  Speaker 1: talk about failure. I know it's something that we don't
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  Speaker 1: like to harp on, right. The thing is, and I've
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  Speaker 1: talked about this before, is that failure is an opportunity
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  Speaker 1: to learn each and every time. And we'll get into that.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: And sometimes it just feels like you're so down on
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  Speaker 1: your luck that time and time again, You're putting your
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  Speaker 1: best foot forward and it's just not happening.
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  Speaker 2: I get it. I've been there.
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  Speaker 1: Today, I'm going to be diving in to some of
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: the reasons why failure keeps on happening and what you
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  Speaker 1: can do to avoid it anyway. You know the Drill
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: at Hurdle podcast at Emily A Body. If you have
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: a hurdle moment of your own to share, or have
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: any hurdle moment requests for topics of sorts, feel free
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: to shoot me an email. It's Emily at hurdle dot
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: us and with that, let's get to hurdling. Lately, I've
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: been thinking a lot about the feedback I get from
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  Speaker 1: people when I tell them that I'm training for my
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: eighth marathon. A lot of the time the question is
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: how do you keep doing that? The reality is is
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: that I I love running marathons. I love training for them.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Training for them makes me feel empowered, and it makes
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  Speaker 1: me feel strong, and it makes me feel capable in
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  Speaker 1: every single aspect of my life period. When I set
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  Speaker 1: out to run a marathon, I have my eye on
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  Speaker 1: the prize and I know that in this lengthy process
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  Speaker 1: that all the hard work is just so worth it.
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  Speaker 1: I also know that there is absolutely no way that
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to fail at running a marathon.
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  Speaker 2: I know, strong sentence. But here's the thing.
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  Speaker 1: It all depends on how you define the word fail.
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  Speaker 1: If you define failing a marathon as not getting a
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  Speaker 1: time that you want come race day, then you and
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  Speaker 1: I have different opinions on what it means to fail.
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  Speaker 1: For me, failing means sticking to what I sought out
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  Speaker 1: to do, giving it all I've got, and being confident
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  Speaker 1: knowing that I left it all out on the table.
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  Speaker 1: I've run marathons in the past and under three hours
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  Speaker 1: and fifty minutes, and then I've run other marathons in
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  Speaker 1: the past and four hours and fourteen minutes. Neither one
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: of those was a bigger win than the other. The
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  Speaker 1: slower one was not a fail. Failure is something that
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  Speaker 1: we deal with often, and it happens in a lot
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  Speaker 1: of different shapes and sizes.
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  Speaker 2: So to speak.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, you could view failing as in dating, when
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  Speaker 1: you give someone that you care about a lot of
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  Speaker 1: your energy, a lot of your time and then it
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  Speaker 1: doesn't pan out back can feel like a failure, or
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  Speaker 1: maybe in a more literal sense, you study for a
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  Speaker 1: big exam. Maybe you're going for some sort of certification
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  Speaker 1: and you fail it. Both instances, despite being emotionally taxing
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  Speaker 1: in different ways, could be considered failures. And like I
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  Speaker 1: touched upon in the intro, failure doesn't need to be
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  Speaker 1: a bad thing. In fact, failure happens each and every
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  Speaker 1: time to teach us something. We have the opportunity to fail.
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  Speaker 1: Sounds funny, right, I know, just like we have the
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  Speaker 1: opportunity to succeed. It is your responsibility rather and then
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: to dwell in anger and frustration when things don't go
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  Speaker 1: as planned, to dust yourself off and learn from what
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  Speaker 1: just happened. Understand that there is opportunity in the failure.
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  Speaker 1: So how do we fail less often? Well, you can't
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  Speaker 1: control everything, although sometimes, man, I wish that I could.
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  Speaker 1: But regardless, there are some reasons why you may be
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  Speaker 1: failing more often, So let's dive into those.
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  Speaker 2: First. Up, you don't listen to advice.
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  Speaker 1: Now, there's a big difference between listening to advice and
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  Speaker 1: taking it. There are always going to be people who
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: want to offer you solution or their input on whatever
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  Speaker 1: it is that you're doing. A lot of people, you know,
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  Speaker 1: they offer advice just to hear themselves. Think, here, I
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: am offering you advice, and I'll be the first one
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  Speaker 1: to admit that going through these exercises, recording these podcasts,
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  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm getting something out of it too.
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  Speaker 1: Sometimes it'll be unwarranted, but by not listening to the advice,
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  Speaker 1: especially if someone who may have similar goals as you,
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  Speaker 1: you're closed off to learning. For instance, and say you're
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: hoping to go out on your own, leave a nine
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  Speaker 1: to five life and start working as a contractor. Hey,
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  Speaker 1: I did the same thing. I might have a lot
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  Speaker 1: of advice to offer you in this situation. I might
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  Speaker 1: have some feedback like, hey, I know that I'm less
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: productive in front of my computer after four pm, so
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  Speaker 1: that's why I schedule my meetings. Then maybe that kind
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  Speaker 1: of advice won't work for you, but listening to it
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  Speaker 1: understanding that, hey, there is a way that you could
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  Speaker 1: structure your day to reap the most out of the
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: productivity puzzle, maybe that'll teach you something. Again, you don't
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  Speaker 1: have to apply the advice that you've been given, but
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: you have the chance to listen and take from it
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  Speaker 1: what you will. The next source of failure you're distracted.
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  Speaker 1: We all get distracted, whether it's by a partner or
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  Speaker 1: a basketball game on TV, or it's happy hour at
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  Speaker 1: the office. It's easy to get sidetracked from what's going
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  Speaker 1: on from the task at hand. But when you really
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: want something, you make it a priority again. That can
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: be anything from a big project with a client that
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  Speaker 1: you're about, or a person that you care about, or,
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  Speaker 1: like my first example, a marathon. It's okay to get
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: distracted sometimes as long as you are willing to put
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  Speaker 1: in the work to get back on track. But when
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  Speaker 1: you're constantly distracted and allowing for that distraction to weave
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  Speaker 1: its way in, it becomes a roadblock to what you want.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: It becomes a hurdle. Sometimes this means that you may
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: need to set a goal at a specific time. You
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: may need to put something off until it makes more sense.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: For instance, if you know right now that you need
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: to travel endlessly for your job, and you've also been
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: invited to partake in some sort of thirty day challenge
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  Speaker 1: with your friends where you're going to work out studios
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  Speaker 1: together constantly, well, committing to that challenge would probably lead
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  Speaker 1: to failure because well, you're not around, so it's that's
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  Speaker 1: something that interests you, maybe commit to doing it at
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  Speaker 1: another time, or be upfront with what you're capable of.
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  Speaker 1: I think sometimes we so badly want to be able
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  Speaker 1: to do it all that instead of owning what we're
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  Speaker 1: capable of, we just say yes, understand that it's okay
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  Speaker 1: to say no, and do the best you can with
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  Speaker 1: what you have. The next reason why we're failing you
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  Speaker 1: don't really want the thing you're trying to go get.
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  Speaker 1: How often has someone come to you with like some
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  Speaker 1: really exciting idea, or they've shared with you some story
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  Speaker 1: and it gets you all hyped and then you think,
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  Speaker 1: maybe I want to do something like this, and then
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  Speaker 1: before you know it, you are, god, I hope not
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  Speaker 1: training for a marathon and you.
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  Speaker 2: Don't even want to do it.
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  Speaker 1: If you make someone else's goal your goal without feeling
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  Speaker 1: really passionate about it, then yeah, it's going to be
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  Speaker 1: easy to get sidetracked, and it's going to be easy
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  Speaker 1: to fail. It'll be easy not to follow through, and
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  Speaker 1: it'll be easy not to do what you set out
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  Speaker 1: to do in the first place. Especially since a lot
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  Speaker 1: of big goals have a lot of opportunity cost, it's
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  Speaker 1: important that you feel confident that you're going after something
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  Speaker 1: that you want, not that somebody else wants. Reason we're
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  Speaker 1: failing a lack of discipline. Anyone who has ever accomplished
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  Speaker 1: something great hasn't done it without a whole lot of
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  Speaker 1: self control. And of course there are going to be
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  Speaker 1: those people that it feels like everything just comes super
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  Speaker 1: easy to them. But the reality is is that big
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  Speaker 1: goals require commitment and sacrifice and focus. It's always a
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  Speaker 1: little heartbreaking when I see someone set out on something
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  Speaker 1: really big, that they get excited, that I know that
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  Speaker 1: they truly want, and then slowly over time, that discipline,
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  Speaker 1: that determination, it fades. Now in those kind of situations,
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  Speaker 1: remember that it is not your responsibility to help them
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  Speaker 1: accomplish this goal. Although a good friend could ask a
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: few questions, Hey, I noticed X, Y and Z, is
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: there anything I can do to help you? Or maybe
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: there's a reason why their motivation changed, there's a reason
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: why the discipline is fading. Maybe they want help, maybe
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  Speaker 1: they don't. But the best thing you can do is
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: at least offer yourself to the situation, especially if this
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  Speaker 1: is someone that you care about and the last reason
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: for failing you're afraid to stand out. I read this
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: really awesome quote the other day that said, you've got
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: to stop effing with.
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  Speaker 2: People that make you feel average. I get it.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's scary to stand out. Sometimes it's really nice
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: to fly under the radar. But when you're afraid to
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: take big leaps, when you're afraid to push your comfort zone,
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: then nothing changes.
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: If nothing changes, if you want.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: A big job, for example, you can have a great
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: first interview, but if you're not willing to do the
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: follow up, if you're not willing to get really in
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: front of that recruiter and let them know that it
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: is yours for the taking, that you are the person
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: that deserves this opportunity, then that's on you. I actually
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: told someone this bit of advice the other day. That's
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: some of the best I've gotten in my career are
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: and it's that so often we are so concerned with
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: the niceties that go along with the job interview process.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: But let me tell you, nine times out of ten,
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: if you're not the person that's following up what feels
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: like a little too early, then somebody else probably is
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: just a little anyway. I can't say this enough. There
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: is only one you embrace who it is that you are,
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: and watch what happens when you own that and see
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: how special it is. Part of what has made me
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: arguably semi successful so far and launching a podcast is
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: that I own who I am. I'm just not trying
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: to be someone I'm not. Instead, I'm digging into the
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: things that make me feel passionate. I'm digging into the
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: things that make me feel like me and hopes to
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: connect with the broader audience and put forth the Emily with.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: All of her faults, with all of her flaws.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: That makes you feel like you want to come back
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: here time and time again.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: And that's it.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: If you feel like you keep getting knocked down, trust me,
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: it happens to all of us that you know the
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: saying when it rains, it pours. But with the right attitude,
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: with discipline, with a good foundation and people that support you,
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: we get to go after anything.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: That we want.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: And that's pretty awesome at Emily a Body Hurdle podcasts.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: Let me know what you're going after another hurdle conquered.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: Catch you guys next time.