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Diva Kat Solo: Breaking the Silence: Asian Perspectives on Intimacy · The Diva Details

• 0:00
  Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details.
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  Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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  From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real, and powerful.
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  Music.
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  No filters, no limits.
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  Just fearless conversations to help you thrive. Let's dive in with Diva Mia and Diva Cat.
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  Well hello this is diva cat welcome to
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  diva detail i'm your host today this is the space
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  that we talk about life love and other things
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  that we should be discussing but often don't especially in asian community today
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  episode is monologue just me and you talking about something deeply personal
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  and of the love sex and asian perspective now if you grew up in asian household like I did,
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  you probably know that the sex was never mentioned or treated like a shameful secret.
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  But let's be real. Sex and intimacy are natural. Healthy and deeply connected to our relationship.
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  You know, growing up, I don't remember as a single real person about sex.
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  I remember parents say like, good girl, don't talk about that.
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  That's for marriage people.
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  Or classy, just focus on your study. And now I'm alone in this.
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  Asian culture plays huge important.
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  On modesty, family reputation, keeping certain topics private,
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  sex fall into that category and something we just expect to figure out when we get married.
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  But here's a problem. We don't talk about sex. We don't learn about it.
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  And when we don't learn about it, we are a struggle in relationship.
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  I've heard so many stories of women who fell lost in their marriages,
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  couples who couldn't communicate about intimacy, and young people who turned
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  into internet for answers.
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  So this reality is that silence creates shame.
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  And in Asian community, they're quick to shame you and judge you from that.
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  They have an age limit to everything. You know, by you're 18,
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  you should just get married, having kids.
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  They are shame us too, keeping from building healthy, happy relationships.
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  So what do we do? We start talking. If talking about sex feel awkward?
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  Many of us want risk to have this conversation. Guess what?
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  The relationship drive on communication and intimacy is part of the deal.
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  So how do you start? Number one,
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  You have to ease it to it. You don't jump in intense conversation right away.
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  Let's start like a question like, what makes you feel most loved in your relationship?
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  What is your idea of your romantic night? What is something that you've always
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  been curious about but you never asked?
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  What if we make conversation not you conversation?
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  Instead of saying that you never talked to me about that, we need to talk more openly about intimacy.
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  How do you feel about that? Now, as an Asian woman, especially,
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  I'm often taught that sex is about serving a partner, and rather than much, you know, enjoyment.
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  I think intimacy should be ego.
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  Both partners should feel respected and satisfied. That goes both ways.
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  But growing up, the Asian woman just learned to please the man.
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  It's up to you to have your conversation with your partner, and it's okay to have it.
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  So even though they don't use this conversation, they might need to open up.
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  The key is to create safe space between both of you. and feel comfortable being honest.
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  And then talk to your friend, discuss about sad relationship.
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  We're going to have sex talk between the good girlfriend.
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  So I know some women who want to talk about the intimacy, but they feel awkward, bring it up.
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  That's always the fear. Why if they're just me? What if they say too much?
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  But that's what the girl trips are for.
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  You talk about everything. Open heart, lay on table, you know,
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  having fun with your girlfriend. And you can learn from each other.
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  You can support each other in your relationship struggle. Some people stay married
• 4:00
  just because to be the picture perfect.
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  They don't talk about it. That's one of my cousins. She never know what the
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  six deniers is. We don't talk about it.
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  Now you know what? She even know what anal sign is. Don't come to deem a cat.
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  So let's talk about that.
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  The most importantly, you realize that you're not alone.
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  You always have your friend. If you're nervous, bring it up or start with something
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  very simple like, I read this article about, make me think about this.
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  How do you feel about it? You could talk about, have you ever seen that movie, The Joy Luck Club?
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  That's what our Asian culture is. If you want to watch that with your girlfriend
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  and start talking about it, it's okay too.
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  Bring it up, how does women, other deal with other women, XYZ.
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  What, do you have any advice? When we open up, we give each other permission
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  to do the same. And honestly, you deserve the safe space to talk about your
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  relationship, desire, struggle, no judgmental.
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  Ladies, I know this podcast is an effect to a lot of us. And me,
• 5:00
  myself, I experience it myself.
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  We never have to talk about it.
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  But if you talk about it, you become a bad person. They put name on you.
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  And the Asian woman, no matter what, either you work out outside the house, you make equally.
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  You always have to make picture perfect with your family, with your husband.
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  The dinner has to be ready when the husband gets home.
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  When you have guests over, they already talk about something to cover them up.
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  But deep down inside, some women stay married, miserable.
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  And they don't get up to talk about it. Even with your own sister,
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  they cannot talk about it with their own sister.
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  How bad is that? That's why you have a girlfriend. That's why you have a girlfriend.
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  Even though you could pick up the phone, talk to your phone, talk to your friend.
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  Or you could go on the trip. Or you could just meet for coffee,
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  for lunch. It's a girth talk. And open it up on the table. No judgment.
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  I want you to get away from today's episode is sex is not dirty.
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  Talk about sex. It's not shameful at all.
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  Intimacy is a key part of love and relationship.
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  Regardless, you want to talk about it, you don't want to talk about it,
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  you do it, you do or you don't.
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  Good, healthy sex life is the main key in your household. Me, myself, I admit it.
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  But I was a little more advanced than the others, I guess.
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  You just have to talk about it. The more we normalize this conversation,
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  the more in power to ourselves and your future and generation.
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  You should be able to talk to your daughter about everything, the birds and the bees.
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  You should be able to talk about your son or your niece or your friend.
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  Sometimes your niece might not be comfortable to talk with her mom,
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  but she could be comfortable talking to you. I have so many of my green nieces.
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  A lot of stuff they don't tell their mother, but they tell me,
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  cross the finger and make promise that this is not going to hand back to your mother.
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  And they open up to you. I think this will help us in our society,
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  our culture, educate each other and be supportive for each other.
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  Sex is okay. Sex is not dirty.
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  Sex is not shameful. Because the more we talk, the more stronger our relationship becomes.
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  Anyway, thank you for joining me. this is
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  diva detail if you enjoyed with this episode
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  you could also dm me in all our social media handle if you have any thought
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  or question and want to hear what coming up next i would love to hear from you
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  until next time stay bold and keep owning your story bye for now this is diva
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  cats from the diva details,
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