Latest / I Choose Me with Jennie Garth / I Choose ... MORE with Constance Zimmer

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I Choose ... MORE with Constance Zimmer · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Welcome
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: back to I Choose Me. I'm talking to Constant Zimmer,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: who has just been nominated for an Emmy, you guys
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: for her role in Love Story. She absolutely shines as
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Carolyn Bessett's mother Anne. Bravo, my friend. I can't wait
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: for you all to hear the rest of our conversation,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: so let's jump back in. Congrats, Constant, so excited for you.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: I wanted to talk to you about female friendships because
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: I know our kids went to school. First of all,
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: everybody not in the same grade, but we would see
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: each other on campus a lot. The female friendships are
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: talked about a lot, and some, you know, stay, some go.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Have you had the same friends forever or do you
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: find that people come in and out of your life
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: for whatever reason?
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm my friendships keep changing, altering, some by choice,
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: some not by choice. I definitely in this mid life range.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: I have met a whole new group of friends that
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: I have become closer to in a shorter amount of
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: time because we're so open and so honest, and we
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: talk about everything, and so all of a sudden, you've
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: become so close so fast, which that I did not
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: anticipate or see.
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: I mean, you know, Heidi, who is my co.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: Host and of the podcast, like I met her in
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: twenty twenty during COVID, you know, over Zoom because of
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: a project that she was the writer and showrunner of
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: and I was attached as the star. And you know,
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: and she has in these last years, I mean, she's
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: become like my closest and nearest and dearest friend.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: And did I see that happening.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: No, But she came at me with such a presence
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: and an honesty and like a mentor that I had
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: really never had before. And I was like, ooh, this
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: is cool, Like that's what sixty looks like. Holy shit,
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: it's amazing. So like, I, you know, I've noticed that
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: a couple of my friends that are much younger than me,
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: because I have a lot of friends that are much
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: younger than me, and they I don't think they've not
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: understood this transition, right, And I don't know how to
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: explain it except to say, like you'll.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: See, like shit shifts changes.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's like and it's not that I do
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: not love those friends any less, it's just there's a
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: whole different, all these different mind fields that I need
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: to go through with other people that are experiencing it
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: at the same time.
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: So I know through it. That's about hard.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: And also you accepting the fact that men having mentors,
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: having other women that you look up to and that
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: you learn from. That was a whole new feeling for
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: me after I turned fifty. Like I don't know why exactly,
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: but it definitely changed. And so the other friends that
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: weren't teaching me or showing me by example or sort
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: of leading the way, I was less interested in hanging
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: out with because I want, I so desperately want to
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: grow and evolve and you know, be the best person
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: I can be. And you sort of like weed out
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: the fringe, you know.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think too, think about it right, I
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: mean again, I can say this because this is our experience,
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: which is, you know, when you have kids, there's a
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: whole group of friends that become your friends because your kids,
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: and then the kids get older and the kids start
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: having opinions, and then you lose those friendships because the
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: kids are not friends anymore. And you're like, you really
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: like the parents, but wait, I have to go do
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: a play date over here, and so I can't come
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: over here now. And then that like weirdly just starts
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: to transition away.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: Does it fizzle out for you? Or you the person
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: that's like, hey, this relationship is kind of reached its end.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Do you like you know? Because I don't, I never
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: know what to do, you know, you start to like
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: not talk as much. And then because I have, you know,
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: and being older, having been through all those phases, and
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: now my younger friends who are going, you know, having
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: their kids and their lives are full of kids stuff,
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking, Okay, well, I feel as if I've lost
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: a friend, but I fully understand where they are in
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: their life and what's their priorities. But now, at a
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: certain age, you really the divide happens.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I definitely think it was a again that goes
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: back to people pleasing right that, like I think I
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: would let things, I would hold on for dear life. No,
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: come on, come on, come on, please still like me,
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: we still like each other. Let's make it work, let's
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: figure it out, please please please, And so then it
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: would become more of like, you know, a fizzle out,
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: whereas at this age, I'm like, I don't know the
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: fucking time right, it's just the band with no yeah,
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: and you're just like, either I can meet you or
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: I can't. Like, that's it and that's all I can
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: give you. And if you're gonna be mad at me,
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: you're gonna be mad at me. I'm sorry, but that's
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: all I can do right now. So if you're okay
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: with that, great, Because like, I have friendships with girls
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: that I've known since I was eighteen, and I talked
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: to them once a year and it's okay because we're
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: living our lives and we're grown ass fucking women.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: Nobody's mad about you not calling them.
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: No.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: I mean, for the first time in my life, I
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: forgot my friend's birthday. And this is one of my
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: friends I've known since I was eighteen, and I remember
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: the day the next day and I texted her.
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: And I was like, oh my god, oh my god,
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: oh my god, I forgot.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: I didn't fucking wish you happy birthday and your birthday,
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, and I felt horrible.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: I've been there, yes.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: And she said, you have so much going on. I
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: do not fault you at all.
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: You know you're here, you're saying it now.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: I love you, you know, it's okay. And I was like, Okay,
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: it's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: And that we don't we shouldn't have to have that
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: validation in order for it to be okay. We should
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: be able to sort of like comfort ourselves and remind ourselves,
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, you're dealing with a lot right now.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: But I still feel guilty though, you know, like I
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: still feel that like I've disappointed them or I'm letting
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: them down. Yeah, but it's just the way it is.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: Well, it's also like, yeah, because I don't know if
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: you were this in your life, but like I was
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: always the friend that always put the card in the mail,
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: that always remembered the birthday, that always got the present,
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: that set up the lunch, that set up the breakfast
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: to celebrate that da da and that just started going
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: away because I was like I can't I can't hold
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: it all together. I can't hold everybody together. Like someone's
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: got to help pick up the slack hair.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, I've absolutely felt that shift because all my
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: life I was like the one that did the planning
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: and made it all happen and had the special celebrations
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: for Easter, whatever, like hosted the parties. I just can't
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: do it anymore, like physically and mentally cannot do it.
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: But that goes back to people pleasing.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: And then it ties into not giving a fuck yeah anymore. Yeah,
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: And I'm sorry if that's disappointing to someone. And it
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: doesn't mean I don't tricky, because that can be seen
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: as like, oh, you're so wrapped up in yourself in
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: your career and you know all of that, But yeah,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: I am right now, Urry, I've spent my whole life,
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: you know, raising you have one of three, raising these
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: humans that took all of me, and now I'm trying
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: to give myself some of that attention.
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: And hm, right, well, and I think too.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: Listen again, it's a man's world, right, Like, anytime a
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: woman puts herself first, it is looked down upon. And
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: that is even someone who decides not to get married
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: and not have kids.
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: It's like, how selfish? How dare you?
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: And it's like, no, this is my choice and what
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: I want to do for my life, right, But nobody
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: would ever look at a man who decided to not
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: get married and not have kids and be.
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: Like, how dare you?
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: How selfish of you instead they're like, oh my god,
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: you built a multi billion billion dollar company because you
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: put yourself first.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: How cool? So it's that's all it is is.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: It's just like we have been fashioned and told that
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: when we put ourselves first, we are being selfish. And
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: what happens later in life is less people are paying
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: attention to you. So you realize, oh, I can go
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: put myself first and some people might not even notice,
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: Like it's this weird permission of a tunnel that you're like,
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: are people even going to see that I didn't do that?
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: Like you know what I mean?
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: I know, it's so liberating though it's my last thing ever. Yeah,
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: when you are paid less attention to, Like I know,
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: it doesn't sound like that could possibly be true, but
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: there's such other it's like a freedom in it.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I'm curious. Did you have you read
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: this book called The Upgrade?
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: No? Oh my god, Jenny.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: That book also got me through the weird three years
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: of confusion because Luanne Brisandine, who is a neurological doctor, scientist,
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: like fucking supernova of a woman, she doesn't talk about
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: She doesn't use the word perimenopause or menopause. She only
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: uses the word the upgrade because she talks about how
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: physically our bodies are shifting to put ourselves first. So
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: it is something that you actually cannot stop from happening,
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: even if you try and fight it, it will fight back.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: Parts of your brain are shrinking and others are growing.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: And every time I would read a chapter or I
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: would listen to her talking about it.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: I was like, Oh my god, yes, that's what it is.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: How fucking crazy that nobody has said that this time
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: in our lives is an upgrade.
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: It's a trip, and you don't talk about it until
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: you've experienced it, and then you're like, I have to
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: tell everyone that this is what happens just authentically to
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: women as we get older.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: It's it's the best. It's like. And I would always
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: think when people would say, oh, I love being fifty
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: and I was like thirty, I'd like, what are you
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: talking about? But it's it's fifties are the greatest, and
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: you know, talking to Heidi, she said that sixties are
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: even better. I feel like there's, you know, so much
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: around the conversations that we're allowed to have now as
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: women our age, and that we're there were allowing ourselves
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: to have unapologetically that is changing just the narrative for
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: the future for our girls.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: Right, and I mean it is.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: You know, I hate for us to take all the credit,
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: but gen X is fucking kicking ass in the awareness
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: and conversations around what it means to be a woman
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: in her fifties to day, to not compare me to
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: a woman in her fifties even from ten years ago,
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: because there is we are the first generation as like
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: in Mass right in Mass that is really making it
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: a movement and giving the power back to women so
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: they can be excited about getting here. And then we'll
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: do it for sixty, We'll do it for seventy, and
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: we'll do it for eighty.
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: We'll just keep setting this new standard.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: New norm. Yeah it's acceptable.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so good.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: Feels really it feels really good. How would you say
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: that your path to motherhood affected like the trajectory of
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: your career and your life because you're a couple of
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: years older than me, and you waited a little longer
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: to have your daughter in your life than I did.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: I was a really young mom by you know, people's standards.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: But do you think like, how did how did becoming
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: a mom. Just change you.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: Well, I you know, I have a silly story because
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: I met my second husband when I was thirty five,
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: so I had already been married and divorced by thirty five, and.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: I was told that I couldn't get pregnant.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: So I was like, I can willy nilly, like, no
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: birth control, get off birth control, don't use condoms. I
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: can't get pregnant with my husband now. And we had
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: only been together for a year. And I was going
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: in to get my blood work done because I was
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: gonna go have surgery because I had fibroids in my uterus,
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: which is why they tell you can't get pregnant.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: Pregnant.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: I don't fucking believe that nonsense. So obviously I went
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: to go get my blood work to do my pre
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: op for the surgery to go get the fibroids out,
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: and the woman came back in and she was like,
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: you can't have the surgery because you're pregnant. I was like,
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: what the fuck are you talking about?
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: What I want to find out?
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: I thought I was on an episode of Punked with
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: Ashton Kutcher, because that was a big show at the time,
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: and I was on a TV show and I thought,
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: oh my god, I'm unpunked, I'm being pumped.
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: This is fucked up.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: It's messed up.
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and that wasn't the case.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: And another part of the story is that me and
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: my now husband, we were on a break when I
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: found this out.
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: So I was like, oh, what the fuck, what the fuck?
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: What do I do?
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: But you know, lo and behold it worked out in
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: my favor and yeah, and we have an eighteen year
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: old child, so it definitely changed me, just in a
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: way that it was not my plan. So I was
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: just rolling with it as it came. And the writer strike,
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: that first writer strike, you know, seventeen sixteen years ago,
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: six fifteen whatever. Anyways, I that was happening.
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: While I was pregnant.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I did my whole pregnancy when like the
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: whole business was on strike. So like, oh, well, this
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: timing works out great. But yeah, I mean it shifted everything.
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: I think having a kid is a lot of fucking
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: work physically, emotionally, mentally.
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: Especially as they get older. Like I got to be honest,
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: toddlers were easy, right, Like you fed them and you
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: clean up after them, and you put them to bed.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: But didn't you know, having these young women daughters and
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: you know, knowing what they're facing out there in the world. Yeah,
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: and not letting that just like consume you with concern
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: and worry.
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, all of the above.
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think it's you know, what I've been
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: thinking about a lot lately is how we basically we
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: as a.
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: Species, we change every decade. We change.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: So like when you think of a child, any child
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: from zero to ten, there's like.
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: Three four, five.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: Personalities in that first ten year block. Okay, Then from
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: like ten to twenty, there's like definitely a lot of
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: personalities in there. Then you start going, oh then twenty
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: to thirty, you know, it's a little less. Thirty to
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: forty it was a little less, and like fifties is
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: why you go, oh, this is me this I figured
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: it out right. So it's like you figure it out
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: and then you're like, oh, what is this this version
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: that has all those decades right? Like it's like that's
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: so interesting to me. So it's like why do.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: They Why is it design that we have to wait
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: so long to figure out who we are?
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: Because I think we need life. Yeah, you know what
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: I mean.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: But don't you think our kids feel like they know
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: who they are? Like yes, I mean we probably thought
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: that too when we were their age.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: That's what youth is for. I mean, youth is wasted
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: on the young because it's you don't realize it until
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: that part is over and then you're like, oh shit,
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: did I use that time wisely? How did I do?
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: What did I do there? But yeah, I mean I
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: think that's just life. Like that's what life is for,
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: is being here and figuring out your your purpose And
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: a lot of times you don't know that until you've
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: tried things and that didn't work and this felt good
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: and that didn't feel good, and I don't know do.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: You ever trip out on just like being a human
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: being every day?
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: Like?
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: Who?
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: How?
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: Every single day? I do? I trip out more on it?
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: I'll be honest through grief because when you lose somebody
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: that you felt was going to be here forever or
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: that should still be here, it makes me look at
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: being a human so differently where you're just like why them?
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: Like why? I am such an EmPATH?
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: And that is my hardest struggle as being an EmPATH
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: is I feel like there are way too many people
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: that are not here any longer that I do not
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: understand why. And then there are people who are here
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: and it feels like they're never going to fucking die,
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: And you're like, why when this person is alive and
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: they're causing so much pain?
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: Why, Like that is where I just I go why
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: it doesn't.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: Mean any sense?
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: No, mm hmm.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: Well you've been married to us, you're since twenty ten?
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: Is that correct?
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: Yes, very good.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: I'm really inspired long you know, by long lasting marriages,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: especially in the industry that we are in. Seems like,
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: you know, they're few and far between. My things and
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: flow right in a relationship, especially in the context of
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: the entertainment business, and you know, our travel schedules and
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: our workloads and like, you know, being pulled apart. I
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: think a lot more than a normal couple would be.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: My husband, by the way, also loves us.
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: You know that.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: He's like I said, I'm having constant on the pod
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: today and he's like, oh my god, talking about her
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: husband and tell her I love them. Those two they
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: could just talk and we could leave the building. It
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: wouldn't matter.
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we could love.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: What are your secrets?
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: How do you choose your relationship. I mean now, especially
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: that your daughter is flowing the coop and she's doing
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: her thing as a young adult, like, how do you
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: now shift and especially being women in our stage where
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: we are focusing more on ourselves, how do you keep
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: your relationship just as important? Because it, you know, it
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: has taken for me, it has taken up more of
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: a backseat that because of my daughters, right, and they
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: stop meeting you as much. And then you feel the gap,
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: you know, or the the absence that you notice it,
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: and then you're like, Okay, I got to start working
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: on this relationship more. What is your secret to you know?
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: I don't know that I have a secret, because I
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: think some days I'm not doing it very well at
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: all at all.
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: I think the.
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: Going through the confusion of menopause before people were talking
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: about it was our most challenging time because I didn't
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: understand what was happening to me.
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: Yep, and he didn't either, no exactly.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: And you know the greatest thing that I would say
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: if you, I wouldn't even call it a secret.
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: I would tell it type every.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: Woman, don't keep it a secret during this transition of
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: life is when you learn something teach them because it
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: helps them to understand that it's not personal, right, because
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: all of it feels very personal, and I would get
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: mad that I was like, this is not about you,
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: like I don't know what is happening or anything. I
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: don't know what what's going on, and so like I
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: take I took Russ on board for like some of
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: my projects, some of my midlife projects, because I wanted
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: him to read all the stuff I was reading.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: I wanted him like he would at the end of
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: the day.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: He'd be like, oh my god, I just read this
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: insane study. You know that women between you know, forty
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: five and fifty five is the highest percentage of divorce.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: And he's like that is so trippy. You know, it's
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: like so like it was. It was bringing him into
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: the conversation, not not pushing him out and going like
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go figure this out without you, because
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: once he was getting the knowledge that I was getting,
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: there was a softness and a like holy shit, like
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: I'm so.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: Sorry, man, look at I see what you're dealing with
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: now in a different way.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you have to bring them into the conversations. They
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: wanted me such good advice.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: No, seriously, because I think our tendency is to hunker
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: down and figure our shit out, and then we really
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: expect ourselves to act a different way because of what
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: we know now. But the other your partner is kind
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: of clueless to your whole journey. So it's really important.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And there is like a whole movement out there
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: of men who are actually like doing these kinds of
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: you know, videos about like you have a partner or
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: a wife or a you know, somebody, a mom, a
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: sibling or whatever going through this time, Like here are
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: the things you need to realize, Be patient, be kind,
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: you know, you know, it's like all and and I
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: don't know, maybe it's easier coming from another man, but
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: you know, I loved it because Russ would go and
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: have coffee with his friends who were also in marriages
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: or relationships with women at this age too, and and
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: he was like.
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: Well, have you talked to them about this, that and
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: the other thing?
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: And he realized that he was becoming the guy that
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: was helping the other guys. And I was like, oh,
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: that's so sweet, you know, like I love the ear
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: sharing your information and not feeling.
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: Weird about like going.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: Oh, like we had a tough time, like that was
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: hard getting through that period, and so that I thought
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: was really good.
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: So like, really, that's that's it.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: The secret is just not keeping them out of the
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: conversation or the knowledge that you're learning whatever you're going
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: through in life.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: Okay. So in twenty twenty, you turn fifty. Yeah, and
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: to celebrate the milestone, you co founded a media company
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: called The Midlife Collective what you were just talking about,
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: and you launched your podcast Talk fifty to Me, which
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: I am excited to be on.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: We were so excited to have you with your.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: Writer partner Heidi.
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you've described the show as sort of a
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: reframing of your fifties fiercely funny and frank conversations, which
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: I love. Tell me more about the media company aspect
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: of it.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: Well, there was the podcast idea with Heidi, because Heidi
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: had such a following and women would meet her on
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: the street and they would like cry their eyes out
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: and say like thank you so much. I feel seen
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: for the first time in my life. And I was like,
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: oh my god.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: Because of the characters she was writing.
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: No, because of who she was on Instagram and TikTok.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: Right, just being her authentic self.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: Right, and I was like, this is crazy. We need
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: to get this out in a bigger arena. And then
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: I had the idea of what to do with all
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: these women that are out of work in their fifties,
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: because there's a lot of us. And I was like,
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: where is the play like the Vagina Monologues. So then
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: I had the idea to create a play called the
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: Midlife Monologues. And what I did is I created a
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: got a creative community of like a hundred women which
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: you now need to come and join us, and that
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: is like the Vagina Monologues, but for women in midlife
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: to show one they can't not cast us because you
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: need me, you need us, and also to show why
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: storytelling is missing for this decade of a woman's life.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: So then I developed I'm in development on that. And
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: then I was like, we got approached to me and
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: the woman who are co creators of Midlife Monologues, Abbi Epstein,
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: who's a documentary filmmaker who did the business of being
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: born with Ricky Lake and did the business of birth control,
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: and we partnered and then we got approached to co
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: direct a documentary called Her Second End Act.
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: Because of the Midlife.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: Monologues, and so we're also directing this documentary, and so
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: we were like, what do we do with all of
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: these projects, Like we need to we need a place
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: for everything to come.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: So it's this. We call it like our tent, you know,
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: like our umbrella.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: Is we all of these projects are under this umbrella.
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: And then what we wanted to do was use it
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: as a place for everyone with midlife stories, everybody using
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: their platform to be so that you could have like
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: a one stop shop like what are the best books
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: about midlife or aging or being in your fifties or
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: perimenopause or whatever. What are the best TV shows? What
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: are the podcasts, what are the So we're just gathering
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: all of this information about this time and putting it
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: under this umbrella so that people will have one place
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: to go to kind of decide like, oh, I want
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: to watch a movie that's about this, I want to
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: read a book, I want to listen to a podcast.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: So that's what the media company is.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: And then eventually we would like to help push people's stories,
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: whether it's getting an IP for a book and saying
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: we will get this book made, we will get your
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: script made, we will try and sell this TV show,
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: like basically using the power of all the celebrities that
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: we have in the community to say, oh, I can
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: get that script to Jenny Garth.
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: Yes, I will call her. I will. So that's what
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: the company.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: Is for, is it's like a LinkedIn Yeah pretty much. Yeah,
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: exactly in mid life women that have amazing ideas and
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: needs and it's.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: Great, yeah and need more, need more eyeballs, you know,
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: and how can we help you? Like it's like Julie
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: Fla said, who is one of our founders? So it's
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: myself Abby Epstein and Julie Fla said founded the Midlife Collective.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: But she always says, like all ships rise, and like
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: right now with the Midlife Collective, we're on tour and
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: we're doing this dressing Room Confessions tour, which we started
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: for the Midlife Monologues. It was like a way to
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: get out into the public and get women to give
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: their anonymous stories so that we could use that storytelling
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: in creating the play. And then we had to stop
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: taking stories because we had to write the play. So
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: now those stories are a part of the documentary, which
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: are then a part of gathering statistics like what are
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: pim women lacking. What are they the most mad about,
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: the most ashamed of, the most wish that they had
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: in their community. And we've been on tour with this
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: and that's also a part of Midlife Collective, is gathering
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: stories for the documentary and just to use so that
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: all women can see they're not alone. Because the stories,
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: when you give somebody a place to just anonymously kind
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: of talk to themselves in the mirror, it's really incredibly
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: moving and raw.
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: And it's been a part of this.
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: You know, I didn't I had no idea this was
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: what was going to come out of. Like these ideas,
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: it's just like keeps like blossoming and blossoming, and it's beautiful.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: It's really beautiful.
• 31:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I had the pleasure of being on your pod.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: You did a pod swap and it was really fun.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: So everybody watch out on your socials for when those
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: are going to air. We will for sure be promoting them,
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: of course, because we want you to see it. I
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: just love you. I love I love your just honesty,
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: and you know, I love that we've known each other
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: for a long time and we're able to like kind
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: of reconnect yet and different stage in our lives in
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: a whole different way. So that's it's just like hopeful
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: for me and comforting.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I have to say I when I saw your
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: whole I Choose Me movement, I was like, fuck, yeah, Jenny, Yes, yes,
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: like that is what we need to be doing. Like
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: this is like doesn't this feel so good in your core?
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: Not only for yourself, but to be giving that back
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: to other women?
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: It is.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: It's I'm moved because I feel like we're both doing
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: the same you know, we're both in that phase and
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: we're I find personally more fulfillment in this work than
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: in any acting role I've ever done. I'm not sure
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: how you feel about it.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I agree because it's I mean, look,
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: it's it's it's more us obviously, it's more controlled.
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: We decide more of it.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: And also because there's no characters that exist life us
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: out there, so like we are becoming the characters that
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: we would like to see and if we can't see
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: them on screen, we can be them in real life.
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: And that feels powerful.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: It really does. Yeah, Constance Zimmer, before I let you go,
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: I need to know what was your last I Choose
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: me moment?
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: I think coming on this podcast because I have so
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: much chaos going on in my life right now, and
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: I remember saying like, I'm going to choose to do
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: that for myself. I'm going to take an hour out
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: of the chaos. I'm going to take a shower, I'm
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: going to put lotion on, and I'm going to just
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: go in the space because i can hear all the
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: chaos happening outside of these doors. And this was me going, yeah,
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: but I'm going to do this for myself because this
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: matters for me.
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad it mattered for you, because it really
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: it helped me close a loop I don't know on
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: some old stories I had around our friendship that I
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: created in my mind for whatever the reasons that were happening,
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: you know, to us around us, and I just I
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: feel I've really connected with you. Just say that. And
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: I'm so deeply happy for what is happening for you
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: and your career because you are a hard worker, and yeah,
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: I really look up to you, and I'm just so
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: glad that you were here and that this was your
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: eye choose me moment.
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: Oh well, thank you, Jenny. I'm happy too, because I do.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: I it makes me realize that you do come back
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: to the people who see you, you know, for who
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: you are, and all the other stuff like doesn't fucking matter.
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: Nope, I love you.
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: I love you too,