Latest / High n' Dry Podcast / Episode 30. Pulling a Dexter & Zapp Brannigan vs. Gonzo (Feat. Clayton Rackley, Entrepreneur)

Transcript

Episode 30. Pulling a Dexter & Zapp Brannigan vs. Gonzo (Feat. Clayton Rackley, Entrepreneur) · High n' Dry Podcast

• 0:15
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_03: Um one sec.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_03: Let me check and see if I can find that out.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_03: I'll be right back.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_03: Wait, you guys you guys don't air these live, right?
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_03: You just record them.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_02: You don't worry about that.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_02: We'll worry about it.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_02: What is this red button?
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: What is this red button doing?
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_02: Alright, I'll be right back.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: What's what's the delay?
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Uh Rackley?
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: What what's the we we gotta try to figure out the delay.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: So as soon as I'm done talking, respond.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, I'm responding.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_03: That's good.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's a very small delay.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: We're fine.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_03: We're good.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_03: I think I think my reaction time is a bit down as well.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think that's what he meant.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's not the computer.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_03: It's operator error for sure.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_03: Processing.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: That's true in real life, too.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: He'll like stare at you for five, ten seconds.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta keep you guessing, dude.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: So all right, so we're all good to go.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: Let's let's do this shit.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: So hey everybody, welcome to High and Dry Podcast.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Ryan Barron North.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: With me as always, we got James Crosslin.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: James, what's going on?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, I am James Crosslin.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm doing well.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: I got pulled out of a conference to record this podcast.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: A little thrown off my balance.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm doing okay.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's uh it's been a pretty good week.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm getting over my injury.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm feeling a lot better.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's good.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Walking around, you know.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Ryan was Ryan got to see me walking around instead of rolling around.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a kick scooter.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the Costco foot, I believe that was.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's been haunting me.
• 2:08
  unknown: But I'm better.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: Nice, nice.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: And uh so then joining us this week, we have a brand new high philosopher.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna have him on a few times.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: He's gonna be joining us through his journey to uh weed entrepreneurial ship.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we have ex-military man, weed entrepreneur, Clayton Rackley.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: Rackley, what's going on, man?
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: How are you doing?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, what's going on, everybody?
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_03: I'm I'm good, you know, just trying to get settled back into the groove of things.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah, doing a lot of weed in the past like week and a half.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's a it's quite the transition, actually.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: So what's it feel like?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um for those of us who are getting ready to get out ourselves, what do you what is it?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_03: Uh well, I'd say it's like probably the most liberating feeling on like I've ever felt before.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_03: I guess.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_03: I haven't really had time to stop and like take it all in, you know.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_03: I've been constantly on the move doing things, like seeing people actually moving states, which is quite the task in and of itself, then unpacking all my stuff.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_03: Man, I've been super busy.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: No, I uh I got that coming and I like it's it's it's weird because like it's scary because I'm about to lose my uh my military uh safety net, but god damn, I can't wait to have my life back.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's uh I'd say um the trade-off for just a couple of years, you know, in the military is definitely worth it, but for me it's just it didn't work out, you know.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_03: Wasn't I'm not really built for it, I'm just built different, you know.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: No, I feel you.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: I definitely feel you.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, slipping away to do podcasts.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Just not in my blood to take orders and not think.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: I can't do it.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thanks for coming on, man.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: So, how we do it on this show, the first half of the show, we open up the floor to a philosophical debate, a moral conundrum, we talk about it for a little bit, and then we transfer into a fist fight, as those things often do.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: But before we do that, we gotta get a little drunk and we gotta get a little high.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: So, James, what are you smoking this week?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: This week I am smoking a wonderful strain called Purple Fire OG.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Pretty sweet name.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: What's the deal with that?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: I've smoked it a few times, I don't remember.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: So that means it's pretty good.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: We've reached that point now where it's just turned into just it's drugs and alcohol.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: I smoke drugs.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: What?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: Make me feel like drugs.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: Nice.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: So uh Rissa Rackley, you're coming on as uh another high philosopher.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: What are you smoking this week?
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_03: Um, looks like I've got this little medicine cartridge of uh extracts called Skull Crusher by Brass Knuckles, I believe.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_03: So um I've tried a little bit before.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_03: It's real peppery flavor.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_03: Uh and uh definitely like a smooth, kind of like upfront high, you know, kind of deal.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna have to give a flavor profile on mine now.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus Christ.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: People in here are showing me up.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Give me a second to taste it after the first set.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: After the first set, I'll ask you how it went.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: What went with that?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll be joining you guys with Pink Whitney, New Amsterdam's Pink Lemonade Flavored vodka.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: Is that gonna be enough for you for this?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think I'll be right.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, if not, we'll grab another bottle sometime.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I got bottles sitting around all over the place.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we got half drink bottles all over my fucking house now.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: Hell yeah.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: So we're we'll be good.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: We'll be good.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I kind of love how it's like looking at the like the capture of you right now, Ryan.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_03: Like the TV since James is off screen, it's like he is the TV for me.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: So uh yeah, for the folks at home, um, I mean, not all that not everyone went onto our Twitch stream, but had you done that, you'd have seen that James is actually a late 90s fatback television.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: It is true.
• 6:09
  unknown: Uh yeah.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm just uh I'm an AI trapped in a television.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Just the little VHS flap moves when he speaks.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_03: It's very subtle on screen, but if you look closely, yeah, but that's famous.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_03: I look like I look like a Muppet.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: A Muppet TV, like the old style.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: Uh all right, so let's do this.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: So our first host this week um is going um out to Winnipeg to our uh new viewers in Winnipeg.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um so do we have any more Patreon people who needed to be uh No, I was gonna just try and gloss over that.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, no, no one on Patreon right now, but uh you can you can get a shout out on the podcast if you subscribe to our Patreon at a specific level.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Ryan.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: All the levels, we'll give you a shout-out.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um but if you go to a certain level, you get the shot glass.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: I know you're working on doing that new promo that's coming out here pretty soon to give people shot glasses out there.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: And Rackley, you'll probably be getting a shot glass here pretty soon.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: Nice, dude.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_03: I have one actually I just busted out from uh all the stuff I moved back um from Kuwait, actually.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, nice.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: All right, well, here's to Winnipeg and to our newest Patreon subscribers of the future.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: Cheers.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: Cheers.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_03: To Winnipeg, cheers.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah, penguin.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I do I do love penguining.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: So mine's a little peppery also.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm guessing there's a lot of caryophylline in this.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um but it also tastes like it also tastes like pinene or terpenaline, also.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: So it's got like that piney kind of like almost pine salt.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like it it hangs in your nose, kind of like that piney smell.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: Gotcha.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, mine tastes like uh sugar vodka.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: Good.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, and it goes down so smooth like pink lemonade.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: I've been told by other people who have it that it is harsh.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's like drinking vodka.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: I don't feel that way anymore.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's like drinking cotton candy.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's just yeah, it's just like just a little shot of here's some lemonade.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so which brings us into our second toast.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: This one, this one goes out to Carl Urban to Cher, and then to our newest guest, Rack and Stack Rackley.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: Here's to you, Rackley.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_03: Cheers.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to hear more about Cher and Carl Urban, you gotta listen to the other ones.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: We're not we wasted too much time.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: No, no backstory.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: We're not doing any world building on them today.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: No, no world building today.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_03: I was gonna say it kind of has like a somewhat licorice-y taste.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_03: It's pretty nice.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_03: Ooh.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_03: Tastes like anise.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_03: I normally hate licorice, but I don't mind licorice like flavored things.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that you know, that's interesting.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: I I really hate licorice also, but I can usually stand licorice-flavored things.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like I I enjoy sambuka, which is a lic licorice alcohol.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I uh but I don't like licorice.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: I have no strong opinion.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: Do you eat licorice much?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think if you ate slaughter I think if you ate licorice, you'd be like, no.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: Well, but and before we get into the cold, the coleslaw question is actually our moral conundrum, and we'll get into that shortly.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um we have our third toast.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: Uh this is guests toast, Rackley.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: What's it to?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_03: Um this toast will go to French toast specifically.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_03: Um and I will salute or I'll toast this to us um for we never surrender because we are not the French.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_03: Uh cheers.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_03: French toast.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_03: Not but not the French, but not the French.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, not the French.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: To our one viewer who listens every week in Paris.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry.
• 10:15
  unknown: Sorry.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: Cheers.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Cliche, we apologize.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: But we're toasted to it.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, uh, look, if uh you have another toast out there, I know you're listening.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, give us, you know, hit us up, we'll get you on here.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, whoever listens in Cliche de France every week, uh if you want to be on to rebut this, all you have to do is email us.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Hiandrypodcast at gmail.com.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Hit us up on Twitter.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, hit us up on Twitter, Instagram, wherever.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: We'll get you and Rackley in a room together.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, let's go, dude.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'll have a three-round fight.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: We'll get you guys weighed, measured, and then we'll talk about who would win.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: Get you high and drunk in a room.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: Now Rackley, he's got actual military experience.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: He's really good at emails.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: Alright.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: So good toast, good toast.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's time to move into our discussion.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: So for this discussion, I um I don't know where I got the stuff.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know where I got the inspiration from it.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um well, I think I it's because I had saw that Dexter was getting a new season.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: I did see that.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um Saw Dexter's getting a new season.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: So I started thinking in terms of that.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so the question I have for you guys today, um as you're heading, as we're getting older and things like that, and things like children, you know, maybe pop up on the mind.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: So I would like you guys to hypothetically envision that you have a child, you know, you love your child, of course, and everything like that.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: But then you start to notice something's a little off about her or him.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, neighborhood dogs disappearing, shit like that.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: Doesn't really respond to emotional kind of stuff.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: So the question is if you start to discover that your child is going to become a serial killer, or you discover that they are a serial killer, yeah, how do you respond?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: Guests first, rackly, you've just discovered that you've raised a serial killer.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, what do you do?
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_03: So what is my child's name and gender?
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's totally up to you.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, is that is that does that matter?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_02: It it affects the story.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_02: It affects, yeah.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: Or we'll say it's a a male named um Archibald.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: Archibald.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_02: Archibald, okay.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: So of course he's gonna be a fucking serial killer.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_03: First, I would approach my child, Archibald.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_03: That is quite serial.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_03: I'm your father.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_03: Hello, Archibald.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_04: It's uh your father.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_03: Fucking wonder.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_03: So I would approach Archibald, right?
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_03: And I would confront him about this.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_03: I'd question him, I'd say, Hey Archibald, have you been killing the neighborhood dog?
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_03: Or like whatever else he's been killing, I guess.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_03: Have you been killing with me, kid?
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_03: Level with me.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: So two killing things.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: Two cats, three dogs, a couple birds, and a local babysitter have all gone missing.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: That just sounds like that babysitter got in way over their head.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: With all those animals.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, Hibode.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your babysitter.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_03: Hello, Archibald.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_03: So I'll I'll I'll I'll confront him, right?
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_03: I'll ask him straight up.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_03: And depending on his answer, if I know or not, so like I basically I know that he's a serial killer, right?
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_03: That's the assumption.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_03: So then I would also uh probably say, hey, we're gonna go get some ice cream.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_03: Actually, maybe not in this order.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_03: I may have approached the son normal.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna take him out for ice cream first, right?
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_03: And then as we're driving back home, I'm gonna stop by the police station and say my son is a serial killer, but then how do I prove that he's a serial killer?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_03: And since I rape him, I mean what does that like imply about me?
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean, at that well, what if you fail?
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, what if you fail to prove that he's a serial killer?
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: Dude, if you're I think I have a whole fucking movie about that.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_03: Here's what could happen if if if I get labeled as a crazy for uh saying my son's a serial killer, I basically get like banned from society, right?
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_03: And I can be like an old crazy like witch like on the street corner.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_02: That's if your serial killer kid doesn't kill you.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he just saw you turn him in.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: You you gotta sleep with one eye open now.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_03: What's what's his weapon of choice though?
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um he prefers uh I mean he's a kid, so silly funny.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_03: He drowned scissors or something.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so he's not like coming at me with the gat about to dump like a couple rounds in me.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, no.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: He he's he wants to experience your fear and pain and everything like that.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, okay, okay.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that was.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: He's not just hard, he's a serial killer.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I can I can set up even more preparation then for uh like setting booby traps in my room and shit.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_03: So that way if it comes to a show.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: We are now in amazed that this is your part of the house.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: If you step into my part of the house, my booby drafts go off.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: We all die.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_03: So you're gonna try to do it.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, go into the end with my son or then spend the rest of your life home alone it against your kid.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_03: Dude, doesn't that sound like an ideal like way to live, though?
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I mean, that's how I think.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you might be keeping your serial killer child distracted, which could which would be a very good thing.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's possibly that's that's one of the best answers.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: I was just sitting here trying to come up with an answer, but you keeping that kid distracted for that for their entire life with your booby tracks.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, if that's the cross that you choose to bear, you're doing society a favor.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I let him express himself in his uh bloodthirsty intent.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_03: Safe environment, a quote unquote safe environment.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: I will be until the one you slip.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_03: Like the name Archibald.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god, this is perfect, dude.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, so some interesting thoughts.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so James, what about you?
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like, really take yourself there.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: This is a child, you've just discovered that your child.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I mean, we could say that you know he's reached, I mean, I guess, adolescence now, and he's looking to kill people.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: So originally, when I was thinking of my response, I wanted to say a funny thing, and the funny thing was going to be I turned them over to our justice system, and then Brackley said it.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh my god, you took my you took my answer.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_03: Um We're on the same wavelength.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I shit.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this is really hard.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna have to try to answer seriously.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um I'm gonna say I oh fuck.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's a tough question.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is really hard because I would I would move them away from society.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's the only option.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want them to be like um if they had truly have no collect connection to society, right?
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: If they're a sociopath and they have no connection to society and they feel no connection or compassion to other living things, the best thing I can do is is isolate them from the living things, right?
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'll do my best to continue to provide them with love and support and perhaps search for some kind of change.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: But isolation is then the only answer.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that's kind of been our answer with prisons, right?
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Is that we isolate people.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we we imprison way more people than we should, people who do not need to be isolated from society.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes isolation's the only answer, right?
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: If they're if they're truly a threat to everyone.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I mean, if that and if that's the case, I wouldn't want to isolate him in the United States for sure.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um I you know, I would like to try and go to a place that values human life and you know, would attempt at least some form of we're going to help you.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: They might choose to say that you that you isolating him is like not a good idea, and then they could wreak havoc, because there's a lot of like um there's a lot of misdirected goodwill, right?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of misdirected goodwill out there, like sociopaths, they don't give a shit, you know?
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: It just doesn't click for one reason or another.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and there's really nothing, yeah.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um so I don't know.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's so tough, man.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: What a tough question.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, well then for me, I am going to old yeller him.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_04: You were afraid he was gonna take yours, also.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna be I'm just gonna be like, hey, I know not once have I ever expressed an interest in hunting, but what do you say you and your old man go walk around in the woods with guns?
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: No, this is this is your opportunity.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: How many times on this podcast have you talked about creating a secret society of blade-wielding assassins?
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: This is your opportunity.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's literally Dexter.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: But it's opportunities for two things.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's opportunity to get my freedom back.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: Jesus.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: You know, for the past I don't know how many fucking years I've been worrying about his schooling and worrying about this and that and paying for his shoes that he grows out of.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: And now I have an out Jesus.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_03: God damn.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: She disappeared mysteriously.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she disappeared before you were born.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_03: You make him the bad guy and just murder his ass.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like you think you're the bad guy here?
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck you.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's your fault, mom's gone.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: Turn around, I'm about to shoot you.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_03: Give him a whole monologue, dude.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: Holy shit.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, I'm gonna out uh evil, my uh homicidal side.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's a shame.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's a shame to waste that blade-wielding assassin opportunity all the times you've talked about it.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: You got like an ingrain like someone who's a sociopath already.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but all you have to do is But that would eventually lead to the crumble of my blade-wielding assassins because I need them to have a level of fanaticism and things.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because if he's just out there killing for no fucking reason.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's not for no reason, but I'm steering him.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: You can motivate sociopaths.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: You can absolutely motivate sociopaths.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: They have motivations.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: Well, but at that point I'm gonna be like, hey, son, it's your fault mom left.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: And then all of a sudden, my actual blade wielding assassins leap out of nowhere and take them out.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_03: So wait, what if he beats your blade wielding assassins?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, see, if you're in the same position as them.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: But then at that point, I'm like, I was the lead blade wielding assassin.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to your boss fight, motherfucker.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then either way, at the end of this fight, he doesn't have to worry about it anymore.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: Someone's dead.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_01: One of us is walking out of those woods.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: Well, but at that point, I'm like, oh fuck, what have I done?
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_03: Um, an evil empire.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, to be real, I mean, I mean, honestly, what I would probably do as soon as I recognize this shit, I'm gonna call the police on just in another room.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna do a rackly and like pull up to the police.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: The kid's like, what the fuck is going on right here?
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, with him riding shotgun.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: You see the gears turning in the kid's head, like, hmm, this motherfucker's dead.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: I you know, I'll probably just go to work and call them there.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: The kid's already tapped your phone.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'm like, yo, you will follow what he's been listening to my conversations for three years.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_03: He's only a six year old.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: He cuts the call off mid-call, like after he's like, Father, what are you doing?
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, Jesus Christ, that's my boy.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um then um at that point, fuck, I I guess I'm gonna sprint to the polling station.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, like, I can run like really far.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: I think therapy would be a good idea.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so um final thoughts is if he's a murderer, like you think he'd be reported because they are mandatory reporters for things like that.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_01: Typically, yeah, that's true.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, and like I looked at the same thing.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_03: That actually may be the best answer.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: Well, well, so then final thoughts then.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: Rankly, your son's a serial killer, what do you do?
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: Final thoughts.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_03: Um, final thoughts.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_03: I think, yeah, I think I agree with James.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_03: I think getting him therapy would be the realistically best answer, but I'd also really like to home alone the rest of my life, so that's what I'm sticking with.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: One of us will blink eventually.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: Alright.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, James, final thoughts.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't survive very long in a booby-trapped household.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um I can't choose that one.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: That just means the serial that just means my serial killer kid gets to kill me, also.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that just means you're gonna die.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um let me think.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: I guess my final thoughts are first I have to isolate them from people they might harm, and then I have to try to get them help, right?
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um I don't know how to make amends to the family that that lost somebody who my child murdered.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um but it my child is also a child, right?
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: They're not an adult.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_01: We're we're saying that they're we're I'm I'm m in my imagination, as I was sitting here trying to figure out how I'm gonna old yeller my kid.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: I imagined he was like 13.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: Still a child.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: There's no excuse.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, 13 year olds, no other thirty Well, I mean, like if he was just born in another country, he'd be a father by now.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: I mean Which is wrong.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you know, it's a shame it's a shame that that we don't have family planning for the entire world.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: We we really need to work on this universal healthcare thing.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, for sure.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: For sure.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because because they could have caught this earlier if we had universal health care, right?
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because our my kid would probably be have more checkups and they'd ask how they were doing, and before they knew it was wrong to tell people that they were killing things, they'd talk about it, right?
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: No, like if we actually took health care and mental health seriously as a person developed, we'd know like you can't have a gun.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're gonna be a serial killer, you need help.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, predict that predictive stuff is wrong.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: We shouldn't predict like you're gonna be a serial killer.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_01: Then it turns into like fucking Tom Cruise running around and all of a sudden he's the serial killer.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean, we don't want to do that, but we can just try to promote healthy things and respond to people's individual needs rather than through a blanket categorization or anything like that.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: For sure.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: But if but involving all those things in our in our development, like in our growth from an early age, yeah.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: Just having a community who can look after you and be like, hey, how you doing?
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: And they can say, like, I have thoughts about killing animals.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: No, just just creating a culture where someone is so comfortable with stating that I'm going through something and I need help.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then having a society that's like, don't worry, we'll get you help.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you feel like killing animals?
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's probably not great.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go, let's talk about things.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, come on over here.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: Sit on down.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, for sure.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: But uh we don't live in that utopia, that's right.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm isolate boy, isolation therapy.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: Please don't kill me.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_00: Lots of video games, maybe.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever distract this kid.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't kill again.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um so yeah, I mean, like because we don't live in a utopia.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: I know he's not gonna get the help he needs.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it's not even a utopia, it's just better.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, just better.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: We still have problems.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: Just fucking normal.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, just just fucking reasonable.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, just reason because we don't have reasonable mental health care.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: No, more physical health care.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I can't rely on that.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm sitting here, I'm like, so I'm like, I'm 39 now.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: You know, mom took off because he's out of his goddamn mind.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_01: She couldn't take it.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um I'm like, wait a minute, this is this is my chance.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: I've I've still I've still been running, I've been working out.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_01: I now have an out of this whole parenting gig.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, I'm still young.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_01: Uh but uh I'm still a young buck.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still a young buck.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I could be bartending on a cruise ship by nightfall.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I could finally quit that fucking job that's been keeping my serial killer son and shoes and stuff.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_03: Um I yeah, that thing's not worth it anyway, dude.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: Oh um, so then I I would uh God like I would like I'm not gonna pull a Dexter.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm not gonna be like that father was the most wrong father ever.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe not the most wrong, but definitely wrong.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, yeah, um he was definitely wrong.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: Most wrong would have been like, yeah, go for it.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: You want me to find people for you to kill?
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: The next level of wrong.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: I could just pick up some school children or whatever.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: They're I never gonna watch them close or anything.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: The next level of wrong is definitely a cop saying, wait a minute, you could clear my caseloads.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's that is what happened, isn't it?
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's exactly what happened.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_00: Some fucking cop was like, I could look the other way on this.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: How did Dexter never make a mistake?
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: Is my question because law enforcement makes sense?
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's the Oh, did he?
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he did.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_01: That I mean that was the whole fucking show.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: He's he's doing good, he's doing good, he's doing good.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_01: Mistake, special cop comes, doing good, doing good.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no, no.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: I meant accidentally kill someone who was innocent.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like from Dexter's point of view, he was assured that everybody was guilty.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: But cops are not always assured that everyone is guilty.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's not how this works.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: These things aren't a hundred percent.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_01: Well, be the the way we were able to get around that as far as showtime was concerned, was that he was super smart.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, super smart.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_01: He was super smart.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, blood splatter, so he is very smart and therefore infallible.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_01: He was infallible, no one was ever wrong.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um but then his victims were always so obviously like beyond the scope of normal humanity, yeah, wrong.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_01: That that you as the viewer felt comfortable and safe.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_01: But a little bothered, and that's what you came to it for.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_01: So um, no, I mean, like, I'm not I'm not being I'm not pulling a dexter.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's a good call.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not pulling a dexter.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_00: We're we're gonna sometimes people are wrong.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: So probably shouldn't teach you to kill other people.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_01: So uh yeah, no, I'm gonna try like if I can't get you mental health, uh I mean I'm I don't want to ever get the police involved um because they'll show up, they'll shoot me, they'll shoot him.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, at that exact instant my wife is coming home, like, I was wrong, I'm ready to raise Mars son, and she gets shot too.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um so yeah, no.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_00: They raise your your kid as a dexter.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, then the cops raise my kid as a dexter.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_03: We're using this tool now.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, if if if I can't get him mental health treatment and I see that that that mental health and responsible care is an impossibility, I'm going all yeller.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_01: Jeez.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_03: Each their own.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: That being said, it's time to move into our first fight.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_01: But before we announce our fighters, before we decide who's gonna win this, it's time to get a little bit more drunk and a little bit more high.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_01: So philosophy gets your shots ready.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_01: I also need to do this.
• 32:07
  unknown: Oh, yeah, Pink Whitney.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_01: Pink Whitney's always there for you.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_01: Never lets you down.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: Are you okay, man?
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_01: $12.99 if you enter your phone number at your local grocery store.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_01: Not bad.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_01: Pink Whitney doesn't care.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: Old yellow.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_01: Pink Whitney doesn't care that you lost your job.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_01: As long as you can come up with$12.99.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_02: She's always there, dude.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna have to put a fucking content on this weird depression.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, so I should transition.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's time for our next shot.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_01: We got like one more shot of Pink Whitney in there after this.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um James, what's it too?
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yes, I'm supposed to remember our fighters.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: So our matchup today is Zap Branaghen versus Gonzo the Muppet.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_00: In case you needed clarification.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_01: That specifics over the Alps in nineteen twenty.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_01: So here's the Zap, here's the Gonzo.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_01: Cheers.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_03: Cheers.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's good.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_03: I needed that.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_01: Right now the viewers are going, what the fuck is happening?
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_02: We're spiraling.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_02: We're spiraling.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_02: We're spiraling.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_01: I've I have not eaten today.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man, you know, I Oh me neither.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: I had a banana for breakfast.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: I probably should have eaten more, huh?
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like none of us ate.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, viewers at home, we've been busy today.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_01: This is this is a pit stop.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, we'll eat we'll eat next time, so we're less depressing.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_00: Less depressing.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_04: It's the glucose problem.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_01: My blood sugar's just dropping.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_01: Now you guys could go listen to those fucking murder podcasts you're all obsessed about.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_00: Ours is now that.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we're now that.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_01: The murder episode.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_03: Oh man.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_00: Every once in a while you wanna you wanna you wanna talk about murdering people.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: There's a little bit of a son.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_00: My son went off and murdered people.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_01: Or daughter.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_01: She's allowed to do that too.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: She's allowed to murder people, that's for sure.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um so anyway.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_01: So now it's time to move into the second stage of our podcast.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_01: We have a fist fight for you.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_01: Zap Branagan is coming up against Gonzo.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_01: We do this in a three-round method.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's guaranteed to provide you with accurate results to finally end the burning question of who would win between Zap Brannigan and Gonzo.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_00: What's the guarantee if it fails?
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what do we provide as the as the like collateral to our guarantee?
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_01: If at any point our guarantee fails and we find indisputable proof that Gonzo or Zap would win when we said the other would win, we'll send you a shot glass.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_01: To the first person who comes up with that evidence, we'll send you a shot glass.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: Indisputable proof.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_01: Indisputable proof.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_01: So Matt Groning and uh Jim Henson need to get together.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_00: Get them in a room.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_00: Matt Groening and Jim Henson's corpse.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_00: Just in a room together.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_01: So we're gonna dig up Jim Henson's corpse and throw them at Matt Groaning.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_01: Figure it out.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: Who is a Muppet wins?
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_01: Matt Groaning's horrified.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_01: And we're just drunk nigh.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_01: So we do this in the three-round method.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_01: So round one is a bare.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_01: Holy shit.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, so round one is a bare knuckle fist fight between these two characters.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_01: They've moved down into a Gen X bar, they've taken off their shirts, shoes, belts, and everything else like that.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_01: They only get abilities that are intrinsic and are natural to who they are.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_01: Uh round two, we zoom out into the city view where these characters have received a manila envelope underneath their doors.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_01: They know that they have 24 hours to kill the other one, and they have access to special powers, things they could find, tactics, things of that nature.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_01: And then finally, round three is the same as round two, except this time they get to bring a friend.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_01: And then we vote on it.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_01: So round one, moving into round one.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um Cher has just been escorted up to the box office.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_01: Carl Urban behind her.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_01: The high and dry philosophers are back in the box office.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_01: Now we've been allowed to sit.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um and we're looking on, ready for blood.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_01: Uh Gonzo is removing his shirt while uh fucking Zap Branagin's doing the same.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: Zap Branigan's shirt removes itself.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_00: Just pops open.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's just blurred.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_01: So they're now ready to punch each other to death.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_01: So guests first, Rackley, who do you think's gonna take it?
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_01: Zap Branagan or Gonzo?
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_03: You said Zap Zap Branagan already took his shirt off?
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_01: So right now they got no shirt, no shoes, no belts, and they're just punching each other to death.
• 38:05
  unknown: Okay.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_01: Who wins?
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_01: Zap Branigan or Gonzo?
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_03: Well, Gonzo is a Muppet.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_03: He has a very large nose.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_03: I think okay, does he have his cape?
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_03: Does Gonzo have his cape?
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, nothing.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely nothing.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's just the two of them fighting until one of them gets to leave.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I imagine uh Gonzo needs somebody to put their hand inside of him to control him, so Zap Branagan would probably win.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_03: Interesting.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so you so you're you're going off with the assumption that Zap Brannigan, the man, is taking off his shirt, and then we just throw a puppet into there.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, a limp puppet that lands at his feet.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_00: The puppet has to be animated.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_03: Even if he's animated.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so if he's animated and he's like able to attack and control his body, I still think Zap Brennigan would win because he's like a human.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm imagining he's like giant in comparison to the Gonzo.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: He is giant.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_00: Gonzo is about like the like three feet tall.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he's about three feet tall.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_01: I mean you see them approach the human actor inside of the Muppet Show or the movie or whatever it is.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_01: Alright.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so that so James, uh, what do you think?
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um so there's a few interesting there's a few interesting things I want to explore here.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: So Zap Branagan, first off, if if Zap Branagan's shirt is removed, as we've seen in Futurama, uh, he has a paunch.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_00: He has like not a paunch, he has like a he looks pregnant.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so his like center of gravity is like way off as soon as he has his girdle removed.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_00: Several times we've seen it.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um uh and then the thing is Gonzo is like basically indestructible.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_00: Gonzo, we've seen him fly hundreds of feet and land it like through a brick wall and then be like, I'm okay, you know.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, which is pretty amazing.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_00: But Zap Brannigan is also pretty indestructible.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we've seen the nimbus fall from the sky and explode.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_01: And Zap Brannigan comes on back.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_01: Here he is again.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_01: He's just wearing a cast.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_01: He he was almost fucked to death that one time.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_00: He was barely survived the whole full body cast, well a lower body cast.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_00: I mean I think I think the fact that Gonzo, I think Gonzo's taken more punishment.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_00: I think he's gone through more like walls and shit than Branigan has.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_00: Uh Branigan doesn't have access to like his advanced technology that keeps him alive.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it's kind of it's intrinsic to Gonzo uh that he just his body is indestructible.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what to tell you.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_01: Alright.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then for my side of it, um I I would say that they're both pretty indestructible, um, just as far as because Branigan he survives off of just the universe's need for terrible leadership.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um when when the Big Bang happened, terrible leadership already existed.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_01: It had been there for five whole minutes.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um I would say that, however, so as we saw, and viewers at home will be like, yeah, of course.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, as we saw in Muppet Treasure Island, Gonzo is capable of stretching out like a giant squid.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, that's so true.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think that Gonzo would like choke out Branagin by like wrapping his puppet limbs around his throat several times.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um I I think we're gonna see the first hanging by Gonzo.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hanging by Muppet arm death.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, um, so that's what I think's gonna go down.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_01: So then uh Rackley, we're gonna jump back to you.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_01: I need your final thoughts and a vote.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_03: Hmm, okay, okay.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_03: Well, after the points you guys have made, I think I have trust in Gonzo to win it.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_03: I think, you know, he's the underdog, but Zap Branagin is kind of a pussy, so and he relies pretty much solely on KIF to do everything for him.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_03: So fighter.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_01: Good point.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, Gonzo's got all these great ideas and he's, you know, great and everything.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_03: So I think he's gonna take it home.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_00: Alright.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_00: So, James, final thoughts and a vote.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I think you're I think the point about Zap Branion's personality, we should have taken that into account.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_00: He's really cowardly and he's really like pain or punishment averse, and he's way overconfident.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_00: Cot like one of his big his biggest fault is his hubris in that he underestimates everything and overestimates himself.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like you walk in like, you want me to fight a puppet, and then that puppet proceeds to beat his ass.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then yeah, on my side, uh where are the rest of them?
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_00: He says as he enters the ring.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_01: Then Gonzo fucking goes to ready to fucking kill.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, no, not me.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just gonna have to give it to Gonzo.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think the I think the reasons have been stated.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_01: So round one goes to Gonzo.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_01: Congratulations, Gonzo.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_01: We move into round two.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_01: So we've zoomed out into a city view.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_01: These characters now have access to things that make them a character.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_01: So Zap is on his nimbus, uh, Gonzo is uh, I mean, he could buy a shotgun, I guess.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um what happens, guests first, Rackley, what do you think is gonna go down?
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_03: Hmm.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so I'm gonna get a little elaborate with this one, I think.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_03: So I think what's gonna happen is they both know, right?
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_03: So they both receive the letter that says kill the other.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_03: In 24 hours.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so they have prep time.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_03: So Sap Branagan is gonna be panicking and trying to figure out where would be the best time to strike Gonzo, but Gonzo is just gonna spend the entire 24 hours setting up like a theater stage and like making as many traps as possible.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_03: I know I already said the booby trap thing earlier, but I think this is something Gonzo would do.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_03: That way when Zap Brennigan finally approaches him, yeah, it is relevant.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_03: And when Zap Brennigan finally approaches and enters the theater, there's this extravagant like art artillery attack like from multiple angles, like things exploding, like he's basically destroying, yeah, like he's got cannons and shit.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_03: And the final that's the final thing, is he shoots himself out of the cannon straight into Zap Branagin.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_03: All right, all right.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think Gonzo would do that.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_03: That's what would happen, yeah.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_00: Well, James, Daws.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's a great idea.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_00: I really like that.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and and I think that is how it would play out, but I think also Gonzo would miss.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_00: I think Gonzo's been given way too much liberty uh to build to build this elaborate trap for Zap Brandon.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_00: The funny thing about Gonzo is he always fails.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_00: He always fails when he gets to do his elaborate trap thing.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_00: But when it's just him with no environment, he wins.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like because um that's Gonzo's character, right?
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_00: Is he's too distracted by other shit.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then when those distractions are gone, Gonzo becomes like a real relatable thing, right?
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, a relatable thing that's capable and can succeed.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but he's got like all his environment now, he's so fucking distracted.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_00: Gonzo is the most distracted being on the planet, and and uh Zach Branagan is totally self-interested, so he's probably gonna try to blast him from space.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_01: See, and that's where I was gonna go.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_01: So on my side of it, I see Gonzo rushing around, being goofy.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's hilarious.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and we're watching him set up these cannons and everything like that, and he's getting ready to fire himself out there.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_01: Meanwhile, on the Nimbus, Zap is like concerned about some other shit.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, This thing wants to kill you.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm gonna kill them first.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_00: Bloop, it pushes a button.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like I see him pushing a button from Nimbus, but like only half.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_01: But so kill that puppet.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_01: Gonzo has frequently been Gonzo against other forces.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_01: Zap is always Zap against itself.
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I think because of that, Zap is gonna like hit Nimbus.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_01: All right, just blow that up, and it blows up Gonzo, but then it like it also slices off a portion of the Earth.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_01: And now he's unemployed, and we have a whole episode about him um accidentally coming back into his rank and everything like that, you know?
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I I think that's what's gonna go down.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um I don't think Gonzo would die.
• 47:20
  SPEAKER_00: I think you would see Gonzo flying away from the explosion, right?
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_00: You'd see that you see him flying.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_00: Curdling into space.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and he would be okay, but he would no longer be able to.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he would lose the fight.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think they'd both be okay, but I think Gonzo would lose the fight.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, alright.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, well then uh Rackley back to you.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_01: Final thoughts and a vote.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_03: Hmm.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_03: I think you can disagree with us and convince us.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but I think with all things considered, with the opinion of the group, I think it is fairly reasonable to assume what you said, James, uh, that Gonza would be too distracted to actually hit Zap Brannigan.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_03: And secondly, Zap Branaghen would probably just blow him up from space.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_03: So I'd say Zap would take this one.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'll agree with you guys.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_00: You're so amenable.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_00: We've had people sit here and be like, no fucking way.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, I'm making some real good points.
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_02: No, I think it's reasonable.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_01: That's a reasonable statement.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm glad you made it.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_00: Well, James, final thoughts and a vote.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah, I think I think Gonzo just can't succeed.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_00: Gonzo is also uh uh he fights himself, but in a different way, kinda.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's against like all environment.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_00: Which is a him problem.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_00: But uh, but Zap doesn't have that same problem.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_00: Zap is always his own biggest his own biggest problem.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so then Zap then.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he's he's too self-focused.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_00: He would get that letter and he'd just be like, well, take care of it.
• 49:03
  SPEAKER_00: Boom.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then me, yeah, I'm yeah.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like no one stated anything to contrast the situation.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_00: So we are in agreement.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we are in agreement.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_01: Zap takes round two.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody's had to have their opinion magically changed.
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_00: We'll see how this one goes.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_01: Which brings us into round three.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_01: So it's the same as round two.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_01: They both received their manila envelopes, but this time they get to bring a friend.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so this might change things.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_01: So uh Rackley, you're up.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_01: Guests first.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_01: What do you think's gonna happen?
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_03: Well, this is a tough one for sure.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_03: Um I think first off, we'll get the which friends they're bringing out of the way.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_03: I think that Gonzo is gonna be taking Rizzo the rat with him, potentially.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_03: Um I think Zap Branagan's gonna be taking Kiffcroker because he's his lieutenant.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_00: Thematically.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_00: Both are thematic.
• 50:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so I think um I think it might play out similarly to how the second round turned out.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_03: Um I think Zap Branagan might go to space, and then Gonzo and Rizzo would argue for a couple of hours about whether or not they should set up uh like their elaborate plan.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_03: They'll waste a bunch of time and then they'll probably just end up getting blown up.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_03: Alright, James, uh yeah.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, James, what do you think's gonna go down?
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_00: Uh here's what I think is gonna happen.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_00: I think that as soon as Zap Branagan outsources it to Kiff, he's put a barrier between himself and success.
• 50:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because KIF is more reasonable.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_00: But also KIF is also a failure because of his attachment.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_01: I I think where Zap goes, Kiff will go.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_01: Where Zap fails, Kiff will fail.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_01: So on.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it's too bad for them.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_00: But on the other hand, Rizzo is a key to uh Gonzo's success a lot of the time, unlike Kiff, who is not a key to Zap Branagin's success because Zap Brannig is never successful.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um I feel like Rizzo the Rat it enables Gonzo to actually he g Rizzo's the one who always pulls Gonzo into those asides, right?
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_00: From his crazy uh uh uh uh what are they called?
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_00: Rube Goldberg machines that he invents.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_00: Rizzo's always there to be like, but Gonzo, look at the friends you got, right?
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that Rizzo's role?
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I mean, essentially, yeah.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, so he's the one who pulls him back to reality, and then Gonzo, then Gonzo's theme advances.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, alright.
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because he's eventually successful, right?
• 51:57
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that Gonzo's theme?
• 51:58
  SPEAKER_00: And he's also from space.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_00: We know they can get to space.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_00: He's either gonna get shot out of a cannon or it's gonna be rockets, um, you know, fireworks.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_00: He attaches fireworks to himself and gets to space.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_00: Something like that.
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_00: A jetpack of fireworks.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_04: It's totally how he does.
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_01: Well then, so for me, I would like to actually offer two alternative partners, and I'll let you know what I think happens in this situation.
• 52:25
  SPEAKER_01: So uh first on Branigan's side, I think he's gonna bring Nixon.
• 52:30
  SPEAKER_01: You think he's gonna bring Tricky Dick?
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we're gonna have Nixon.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_01: Robot Nixon?
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_01: You get Nixon to his most powerful.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_00: Is he at his most powerful charismatic?
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's Nixon with charisma.
• 52:45
  SPEAKER_01: So you have Nixon with charisma in a robot body um capable of toppling buildings.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_01: And um, where Kiff is just kind of forced to do what Zap says, Zap is forced to do what Nixon says.
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_01: However, there Yeah, so I think that might alter it.
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 53:04
  SPEAKER_01: How then on Gonzo's side, we'd also like to offer an alternative.
• 53:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because Gonzo is of the Henson world.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, um, and Henson is now aware that his world is being invaded.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_01: David Bowie?
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_01: He's bringing David Bowie as the goblin king.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like, Zap is on his ship, and then all of a sudden, fucking Bowie pops up with his spinning balls and shit.
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then and then Zap Brannigan's like, I'm confused and aroused.
• 53:39
  unknown: Yeah.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_01: And just totally distracted by Bowie, despite what Nixon says.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, stop uh looking at the troops, stop examining, examine the troops later.
• 53:53
  SPEAKER_01: Because I mean Bowie, Bowie's rolling in with that like huge cod piece he was rocking.
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_01: We know that that Zap is capable of being confused in that manner.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um I mean, like, even if and and I think that just Gonzo's ability to bring um Bowie will crash the Nimbus, and because Zapbrand can can survive a nimbus crash, he'll be crawling out of the fire, at which point Gonzo round ones him and strangles him to death.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_03: Alright, skip the final thoughts in the vote.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_03: I I'm just I'm gonna vote for what Ryan just said.
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_03: I think Gonzo wins in a final finale, ultimate showdown to the death.
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we can still talk about it though.
• 54:42
  SPEAKER_00: The fact that you chose Nixon, but Nixon didn't pay off makes me think that who would pay off in this situation?
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I think Leela would.
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_00: We know that Zap Branagan can get Leela's help without her wanting to without her wanting to help him.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_00: He can get her he he manipulates her into being there when he's in trouble, and her ability to succeed uh would drag him through because because she would go, oh lord, and then she would kick David Bowie in the face or or in his giant chunks.
• 55:19
  unknown: Yeah.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_00: She'd, yeah, and kick him in the face.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_01: So before I state my final thoughts then on it, um if you gentlemen would would uh indulge me.
• 55:31
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, sure.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_01: I would like to do one more of these because these are the ones I appreciate.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_01: This chess match of characters.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_01: Bowie shows up.
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_03: James, normally I ask this upon meeting someone, but when is your birthday?
• 55:47
  SPEAKER_00: My birthday is February 15th.
• 55:51
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, nice, dude.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_03: So you're in Aquarius?
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my birthday is the day after Valentine's Day.
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_00: Nice every year I get discount chocolate.
• 56:06
  SPEAKER_03: That's awesome.
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_03: Since I was a young child.
• 56:10
  SPEAKER_03: Discount chocolate.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_03: That sounds like a great birthday present.
• 56:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, for sure.
• 56:18
  SPEAKER_01: Not much variety.
• 56:21
  SPEAKER_01: Well, here's the discount chocolate and David Bowie's pain.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_01: Cheers.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_01: Cheers.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, that's good stuff.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know my social security number now?
• 56:44
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus Christ.
• 56:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, please.
• 56:47
  SPEAKER_01: Now, so fans at home, hopefully now, every day after Valentine's Day, you send high and dry podcast a bunch of discount chocolates.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_02: Please, Johnson, please do.
• 56:58
  SPEAKER_00: If I if I wake up and there's like a mountain of discount chocolate, I'm gonna lose my fucking mind.
• 57:03
  SPEAKER_03: That would be hilarious.
• 57:05
  SPEAKER_00: So then that would be pretty amazing.
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_00: That would be cool.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_00: My wife, my wife would love it.
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_01: So then for me, final thoughts here.
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_01: So if he brings Leela, um what I see happening is Leela is dragged into um, you know, the labyrinth.
• 57:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 57:28
  SPEAKER_00: Or even just a gym hand, even just Muppet World.
• 57:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think she I think if you dragged her into Muppet World, do you remember the world do you remember when she went to that planet and there was the uh the kids' TV show that was happening, and she got sucked into the kids' TV show and was like writing down.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_01: But because so David Bowie at this point would have Leela's desire to know her parents or the things that she's missing in life.
• 57:53
  SPEAKER_01: You know, the she that's kind of what her character is about.
• 57:56
  SPEAKER_01: And David Bowie would put that at the end of the labyrinth.
• 57:59
  SPEAKER_01: Meanwhile, Gonzo strangles the shit out of Zap Rand again.
• 58:03
  SPEAKER_04: Interesting.
• 58:04
  SPEAKER_00: Did that did that change your mind at all?
• 58:06
  SPEAKER_00: What what what do you what do you think?
• 58:07
  SPEAKER_02: No, like I think that's a valid point.
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, go ahead, Brian.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_01: Well, well, I I think um it did it it did.
• 58:15
  SPEAKER_01: I I think that Leela beats Bowie, but but Gonzo will beat Zap.
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think left to their own devices, I agree.
• 58:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 58:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um I mean but that but that's also not.
• 58:32
  SPEAKER_01: However, if they split off again, Leela will beat Bowie, you know, like in in the way of that she's sent home and the goblin thing is but that's her story.
• 58:42
  SPEAKER_00: But not Zap's story.
• 58:44
  SPEAKER_01: That however there's a fault in that because it leaves out Nixon.
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_01: So meanwhile, however, Nixon is forcing Zap to destroy Gonzo from space.
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_01: Can't have Nixon and Leela.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's two.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but oh yeah, you're right.
• 58:57
  SPEAKER_01: You're totally right.
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_01: So then Gonzo, I I would have to say if Zap only gets one of his friends, it's gonna go to Gonzo, assuming Gonzo brings Bowie.
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_01: If he brings Ritz Rizzo, then I'm gonna go with Zap.
• 59:08
  SPEAKER_01: But if he brings Bowie, I think Zap wins.
• 59:12
  SPEAKER_01: I think I think Leela carries him through.
• 59:14
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so we so James, that was a vote for Zap.
• 59:17
  SPEAKER_01: Uh Rackley, your vote was headed towards I'm gonna say Gonzo, you know, and I think it's because I don't know.
• 59:25
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's because you're right, David Bowie with his rolly balls would would win the game, you know?
• 59:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like he would just game, but the Futurama theme is powerful as well.
• 59:37
  SPEAKER_03: That is it's true, but I think I think being the Goblin King, he ascends all forms and basically can just manipulate anyone that he wants.
• 59:47
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah.
• 59:49
  SPEAKER_01: I mean uh then I would have to okay, so I'm gonna vote for Zap.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry, sorry, sorry, for Gonzo and the Goblin King.
• 59:56
  SPEAKER_01: Just because the Goblin King doesn't necessarily have to kill him, he just has to make him stop fighting.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the Goblin King Zap is like this is very hard, and I am very lazy.
• 1:00:08
  SPEAKER_01: I I think that the Goblin King will at the very least force Zapdus to be unable to fight.
• 1:00:15
  SPEAKER_01: Even like we could watch a whole episode on Zap trapped in the labyrinth.
• 1:00:20
  SPEAKER_00: It would be a very short part of it because he's too like dumb and conceited to engage.
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_01: He'd probably just starve to death in the fucking labyrinth.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_00: He'd start killing and eating the Muppets instead of trying to find a way out.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_00: This is my world now.
• 1:00:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:00:35
  SPEAKER_01: But either way, he's still out of the fight.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_01: So that is so at that point, James's opinion magically changes.
• 1:00:44
  SPEAKER_00: My opinion was never anything different.
• 1:00:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was never anything different.
• 1:00:47
  SPEAKER_01: We all always believed that Gonzo and David Bowie would prevail.
• 1:00:52
  SPEAKER_01: So congratulations, Gonzo.
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's a rule on the podcast, by the way.
• 1:00:59
  SPEAKER_00: As if one of us is outvoted, we never we our opinion magically changes.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's always thought that way.
• 1:01:07
  SPEAKER_01: So congratulations, Gonzo.
• 1:01:08
  SPEAKER_01: You've taken it home.
• 1:01:10
  SPEAKER_01: You and David Bowie managed to defeat Zap Rannigan and Richard Nixon.
• 1:01:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's because that's the kind of show we're doing.
• 1:01:16
  SPEAKER_01: So congratulations, Gonzo and Rackley, thank you so much for joining us.
• 1:01:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I know that you're just leaving the military, you're getting set up and everything like that, but we'll have you back on and we'll we'll chart your journey with you into the world of cannabis entrepreneurship.
• 1:01:33
  SPEAKER_01: But thank you so much for coming on, man.
• 1:01:35
  SPEAKER_01: I've missed you.
• 1:01:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's great to hear from you.
• 1:01:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I've missed you too, man.
• 1:01:38
  SPEAKER_03: I was thinking about coming to Vegas maybe in a couple weeks, like at the start of June, so maybe we can all kick it or something.
• 1:01:44
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 1:01:45
  SPEAKER_03: We'll see.
• 1:01:49
  SPEAKER_03: Nice.
• 1:01:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you're really cool, dude.
• 1:01:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:01:53
  SPEAKER_03: It's good to see you, Ryan.
• 1:01:54
  SPEAKER_03: What's up, dude?
• 1:01:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, man.
• 1:01:56
  SPEAKER_01: It was great to see you.
• 1:01:57
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you again for being on.
• 1:01:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:01:59
  SPEAKER_00: How do are are there places that people can find you so they can watch your journey to cannabis entrepreneurship?
• 1:02:07
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 1:02:08
  SPEAKER_03: You can uh follow my Instagram at Claytonosaurus underscore rex.
• 1:02:14
  SPEAKER_01: Perfect.
• 1:02:15
  SPEAKER_01: All right, yeah, look out for that.
• 1:02:16
  SPEAKER_01: It'll definitely be in our posts.
• 1:02:18
  SPEAKER_01: James, where can you find us?
• 1:02:19
  SPEAKER_00: Holy shit, you can find us so many places.
• 1:02:21
  SPEAKER_00: This is getting goddamn ridiculous.
• 1:02:24
  SPEAKER_00: The big ones.
• 1:02:25
  SPEAKER_00: All right, the big ones.
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_00: So you get you can find us at high and dry pod on Twitter.
• 1:02:30
  SPEAKER_00: You can find us at high and dry podcast on Instagram, you can find us at uh high and dry podcast on Twitch.
• 1:02:39
  SPEAKER_00: Uh Ryan, you can find him at Ryan Barron North.com at Barron underscore north on Twitter, at what's your what's your Instagram?
• 1:02:48
  SPEAKER_00: Barron North, yeah, Barron underscore north.
• 1:02:50
  SPEAKER_00: The same thing.
• 1:02:58
  SPEAKER_01: And hey, out there, you can like us.
• 1:03:00
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, do like subscribe, comment.
• 1:03:02
  SPEAKER_01: We love to talk to you guys.
• 1:03:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if you want a shot glass, jump onto our Patreon.
• 1:03:06
  SPEAKER_01: We're giving out shot glasses.
• 1:03:08
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck yeah, we're gonna hold a raffle for shot glasses too on our on our Twitch when it when we get through there.
• 1:03:13
  SPEAKER_00: We'll hold a raffle.
• 1:03:14
  SPEAKER_01: There's gonna be shot glass raffle.
• 1:03:16
  SPEAKER_01: Awesome.
• 1:03:17
  SPEAKER_01: All right, well again, Rackley, thanks for joining us.
• 1:03:19
  SPEAKER_01: Appreciate it.
• 1:03:20
  SPEAKER_01: James, thanks as always.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_01: You're welcome.
• 1:03:23
  SPEAKER_01: All right, you all take it easy.
• 1:03:25
  SPEAKER_01: Bye.
• 1:03:26
  SPEAKER_04: Bye.
• 1:03:27
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, oh, oh.