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Justin Responds to the Bondi Terror Attacks · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: O today. This is doctor Justin Coulson on what is
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  Speaker 1: just a tragic day in Australia, Monday, the fifteenth of
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  Speaker 1: December yesterday. Last night, I wrote the following on my
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  Speaker 1: Facebook and this is so that I can be as
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  Speaker 1: helpful as I can be to families who are struggling
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  Speaker 1: to know how to talk to their kids about what
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  Speaker 1: has happened at Bondi Beach. I write the following right now.
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  Speaker 1: I'm reeling. You probably are too. The news coming out
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  Speaker 1: of Bondi Beach is beyond distressing. As details emerge, here
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  Speaker 1: is some important guidance for parents. The first thing I
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  Speaker 1: want to encourage you to do is this, keep your
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  Speaker 1: kids away from the television and social media. They do
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  Speaker 1: not need to see footage of people fleeing. They don't
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  Speaker 1: need to hear gunshots. They don't need to watch distressing
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  Speaker 1: scenes from one of Sydney's most iconic beaches, or from
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  Speaker 1: any landmark or any place, and frankly none of us do.
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  Speaker 1: Let me just add something to what I wrote, and
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  Speaker 1: that's as follows. The media is invested in capturing attention.
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  Speaker 1: They want you to have tunnel vision. They want it
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  Speaker 1: to be so that you cannot look away. The hardest
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  Speaker 1: thing to do is pick up that button, then press
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  Speaker 1: the switch. The hardest thing to do is put your
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  Speaker 1: phone away and stop scrolling and feeling like you've got
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  Speaker 1: to be part of the conversation. It is the hardest
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  Speaker 1: thing that you can do, but it's the most important
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  Speaker 1: thing you can do for your own well being and
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  Speaker 1: that of your children. If you have not been directly affected,
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  Speaker 1: and let's just hope and pray that if you listen
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  Speaker 1: to this, you haven't been. You have this extraordinary privilege
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  Speaker 1: of distance. And while while I get that we want
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  Speaker 1: to be up to date on what's going on in
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  Speaker 1: the world, there are thousands upon thousands upon millions of
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  Speaker 1: news stories that we don't hear about every day, and
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  Speaker 1: our lives are better because of it. So please keep
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  Speaker 1: your kids away from the television and social media. If
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  Speaker 1: you've got an ADHD brain that just keeps on going
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  Speaker 1: around and around and around on it, get added into nature.
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  Speaker 1: Touch grass had a way to get away from the
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  Speaker 1: TV and social media. That's my first main point. My
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  Speaker 1: second one is this, not only do you need to
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  Speaker 1: limit your children's media consumption, you do need to limit
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  Speaker 1: your own. You cannot support your children when you are overwhelmed.
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  Speaker 1: So if you need to, you can check some reliable
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  Speaker 1: sources to get an update. I get it, but then
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  Speaker 1: step away because your nervous system needs that break. And
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  Speaker 1: when you step away, you get the clarity. Please don't
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  Speaker 1: step into the conversation that's going to be booming all
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  Speaker 1: over the country within twenty four hours that there are
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  Speaker 1: political elements to this. Right now, this conversation that I'm
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  Speaker 1: having with you is only about the kids. It's only
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  Speaker 1: about parents. It's only about families. The third thing, if
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  Speaker 1: the kids ask you questions, be honest, but make sure
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  Speaker 1: you're our age appropriate. If they know something happened, acknowledge it.
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  Speaker 1: Really simply, here's what I'd say. There was a really
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  Speaker 1: scary incident at Bondi Beach. The police responded, people are
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  Speaker 1: in custody, we're safe. You don't need to elaborate. They ask,
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  Speaker 1: they probably will depending on their age. So if they
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  Speaker 1: do ask more questions, just think of it like thirst.
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  Speaker 1: If somebody asks for a drink, you don't go and
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  Speaker 1: turn on the hose and stick it in their mouth.
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  Speaker 1: What you do is you turn on the tap, you
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  Speaker 1: fill a glass, and you give them a glass of water,
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  Speaker 1: and if they need more, they'll let you know. When
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  Speaker 1: it comes to giving our children information, I would encourage
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  Speaker 1: you to go the same way. Okay. The fourth piece
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  Speaker 1: of advice for families who are not directly affected but
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  Speaker 1: want to know how to improve the situation for their
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  Speaker 1: family is I want you to watch your children for
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  Speaker 1: their reactions, not just their words. So anxiety is going
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  Speaker 1: to show up as cleanliness. Your kids might have trouble sleeping,
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  Speaker 1: there could be some regression, they might be irritable. And
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  Speaker 1: what I would be encouraging is creating extra closeness. Read together,
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  Speaker 1: stay nearby again, if you've got the blessing of distance,
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  Speaker 1: go and kick a footy, go for a bike ride,
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  Speaker 1: Keep them active, keep them in nature, keep them away
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  Speaker 1: from screens, and especially keep them away from new The
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  Speaker 1: fifth thing is to model calm, not panic. Your children
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  Speaker 1: are watching how you respond to frightening news. So if
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  Speaker 1: you take some deep breaths and speak steadily and show
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  Speaker 1: them that when scary things happen in the world, we
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  Speaker 1: can still feel safe in our homes and communities, that
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  Speaker 1: will make a difference. And lastly, remember that this is rare. Now.
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  Speaker 1: I've had a lot of pushback on social media about
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  Speaker 1: whether this is rare or not. We don't have mass
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  Speaker 1: shootings in Australia, That's what I'm getting at. This kind
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  Speaker 1: of thing is rare, extremely unusual. Australia is one of
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  Speaker 1: the safest countries in the world. So please don't let
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  Speaker 1: this moment overshadow that truth for your children. Now, there's
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  Speaker 1: a couple of other things that I want to add here,
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  Speaker 1: specifically for our Jewish community. This has been building for
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  Speaker 1: the last two years, two and a bit years, and
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  Speaker 1: there are all kinds of political things that we could
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  Speaker 1: say here, but we're not going to get drawn into that.
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  Speaker 1: What I want to emphasize is that this was something
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  Speaker 1: that was designed to make you afraid to be Jewish,
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  Speaker 1: to celebrate openly, to gather as a community. And I
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  Speaker 1: know that you've warned our politicians for the last couple
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  Speaker 1: of years. I just all I can say is I
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  Speaker 1: don't want you to let this attack keep you quiet.
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  Speaker 1: I get that you're going to want to stay away
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  Speaker 1: from everybody right now. I totally get it. But your identity,
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  Speaker 1: your faith, your celebrations, they are beautiful, they matter, and
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  Speaker 1: they are part of the cultural fabric of this nation.
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  Speaker 1: When I look at the contribution of Jewish people in Australia,
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  Speaker 1: I am absolutely flawed at how much you have done,
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  Speaker 1: how much good you have done for this place. I
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  Speaker 1: don't know how you can feel safe moving forward, but
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  Speaker 1: please know that you belong here. Australia is your home.
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  Speaker 1: The Jewish people have faced hatred for thousands of years
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  Speaker 1: and they have survived. And the Jewish people will survive
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  Speaker 1: this too, not because it's fair, because it is not
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  Speaker 1: as disgraceful, but because the Jewish people are strong, their
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  Speaker 1: community is strong, and love is stronger than hate. This
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  Speaker 1: kind of hate and terry doesn't belong in Australia. And
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  Speaker 1: so what I would hope and pray is that you
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  Speaker 1: can hold your people, your loved ones close. Now a
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  Speaker 1: little bit of information specifically for Jewish parents, because my
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  Speaker 1: social media was full of Jewish parents saying I want
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  Speaker 1: to give my child that light age appropriate overview that
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  Speaker 1: you've just described. That Jewish children don't have that luxury.
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  Speaker 1: They walk past armed guards to get to their classroom.
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  Speaker 1: They're not allowed to wear their school uniform in public
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  Speaker 1: because of fear of violence. Their innocence is already gone.
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  Speaker 1: So that mother, she's right, and I'm heartbroken for every
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  Speaker 1: Jewish parent who is navigating this today. So here's what
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  Speaker 1: I think the best research and what basic human decency
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  Speaker 1: tells us that your children need. And a lot of
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  Speaker 1: this is relevant for every family, Jewish or non Jewish,
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  Speaker 1: but I want to share this specifically for my Jewish
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  Speaker 1: brothers and sisters. First of all, I think that you
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  Speaker 1: need to tell your children in age appropriate ways the truth,
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  Speaker 1: and it needs to be spoken really clearly. It shouldn't
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  Speaker 1: be softened. It would be something like this yesterday, two people,
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  Speaker 1: and I would actually focus on it being two people
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  Speaker 1: came to hurt Jewish families who are celebrating a religious
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  Speaker 1: event because I hate Jewish people. That is called anti semitism,
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  Speaker 1: and it is evil. And the reason that I would
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  Speaker 1: get you to call it that directly is because children
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  Speaker 1: can handle hard truths way better than they can handle
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  Speaker 1: sensing that you're hiding something. The second thing that I
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  Speaker 1: would encourage you to do is to name their feelings.
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  Speaker 1: Name all of their feelings, let them know. And again
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  Speaker 1: he's a suggested sentence. Today's a really hard day and
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  Speaker 1: you feel worried. You might say it's scary or it's unfair,
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  Speaker 1: or you're angry, or you're sad, or you feel unsafe.
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  Speaker 1: Validation does not make it worse. It helps kids process
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  Speaker 1: their feelings. So let them cry, let them rage, Sit
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  Speaker 1: with them in whatever they're feeling. Don't rush, don't try
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  Speaker 1: to be their therapist. Just let them feel what they're feeling.
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  Speaker 1: Third thing I'd say is answer their questions honestly. If
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  Speaker 1: they say, why do people hate this, you can answer
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  Speaker 1: by saying because anti Semitism has existed for thousands of
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  Speaker 1: years and some people carry that hatred in their hearts.
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  Speaker 1: If they say, is it going to happen again, answer
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  Speaker 1: them honestly say I don't know, but what I do
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  Speaker 1: know is that we're going to do everything we can
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  Speaker 1: to keep you safe. Don't promise something that you can't guarantee,
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  Speaker 1: but let them know that you're there for them. Okay.
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  Speaker 1: The next thing I want to encourage you to do
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  Speaker 1: is to reinforce their identity as strength. Don't make it
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  Speaker 1: that being Jewish makes you vulnerable. Make it that being
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  Speaker 1: Jewish makes you strong. Specifically, I would say something like
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  Speaker 1: being Jewish is not something to hide or be ashamed of.
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  Speaker 1: It's who you are, and it's beautiful. These people want
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  Speaker 1: you to be afraid to be Jewish. We won't give
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  Speaker 1: them that. I want you to help them to see
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  Speaker 1: their identity something to be proud of. Especially now. The
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  Speaker 1: next thing is one of my favorite things about the
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  Speaker 1: Jewish community. I think that they need to see community
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  Speaker 1: in action. Specifically, let them see shiver and I don't
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  Speaker 1: know if I'm pronouncing that correctly because I don't know
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  Speaker 1: how to how to speak Hebrew, but the Shiver ritual.
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  Speaker 1: Let them see people showing up. Bring them in so
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  Speaker 1: that they can put dissipate in the rituals in whatever
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  Speaker 1: way is appropriate and consistent with your culture. Children will
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  Speaker 1: heal through feeling that they belong. I think that the
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  Speaker 1: Jewish community knows this. You've been doing it for millennia
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  Speaker 1: and doing it well. This is the time to trust
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  Speaker 1: those traditions. Honestly, I'm envious of those traditions. I wish
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  Speaker 1: they are part of our broader social life. All right,
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  Speaker 1: last couple of things. If you come from a Jewish background,
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  Speaker 1: create safety, but don't create paralysis, So be vigilant. I
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  Speaker 1: get that you need to have security and lock the
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  Speaker 1: doors and triple check, triple check everything, but there have
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  Speaker 1: to be ways where you can let them play and
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  Speaker 1: laugh and be children, because trauma research shows that when
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  Speaker 1: we manage and process fear effectively, rather than being consumed
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  Speaker 1: by it, we overcome trauma much faster. They're watching how
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  Speaker 1: you respond, So a last note on responding, let them
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  Speaker 1: see you grief and then let them see you stand up.
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  Speaker 1: So I wouldn't be hiding tears, I wouldn't be hiding anger.
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  Speaker 1: I wouldn't be hiding yourself. I wouldn't be silenced. What
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  Speaker 1: I would be doing is and it's easy for me
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  Speaker 1: to say because this isn't me. So I mean, I
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  Speaker 1: kin'd of feel a little bit hypocritical saying because I'm
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  Speaker 1: not going through it. But I want you to model resilience,
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  Speaker 1: not by pretending everything's fine, but by showing them that
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  Speaker 1: even in the face of hatred, you keep going, you
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  Speaker 1: keep celebrating, you keep being Jewish. So they're my initial thoughts.
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  Speaker 1: I want to share them with you. Finally, if you're
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  Speaker 1: not Jewish and you're listening to this, just to note,
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  Speaker 1: the Jewish community right now needs more than our thoughts
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  Speaker 1: and prayers. They need more than I don't know a
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  Speaker 1: flag on Facebook. If you're willing to do that. They
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  Speaker 1: need our voices, they need our solidarity, they need our
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  Speaker 1: refusal to tolerate anti Semitism in any form, casual jokes,
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  Speaker 1: conspiracy theories, criticism of Israel. Right now, that's not what
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  Speaker 1: we need because since October eight of twenty twenty three,
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  Speaker 1: Australia has honestly offered no voice, no solidarity, and has
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  Speaker 1: unfortunately openly allowed anti Semitism. And this is where it's led.
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  Speaker 1: And I know there are people who push back and say,
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  Speaker 1: well there's a Special to the Prime Minister about antisemitism.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah there is, but the government's done nothing about any
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  Speaker 1: of the recommendations that the Special Envoy made. And this
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  Speaker 1: has just grown over the last couple of years. Somebody said,
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  Speaker 1: well what about Palestine and what about Gaza? And in fact,
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  Speaker 1: not just somebody, I've deleted more comments than I care
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  Speaker 1: to count where people are saying there's a whole lot
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  Speaker 1: of what aboutism going on right now. I want to
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  Speaker 1: just go back to Black Lives Matter for a minute.
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  Speaker 1: At the time of Black Lives Matter, I actually said,
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  Speaker 1: you know what, it's really important that we acknowledge the
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  Speaker 1: Black lives matter, But can we just acknowledge that all
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  Speaker 1: lives matter. And I thought I was being really sensible
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  Speaker 1: when I said it, but somebody quite a lot younger
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  Speaker 1: than me made a comment and it really stuck with me,
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  Speaker 1: and I actually think that in some ways, well not
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  Speaker 1: in some ways, I actually think they were right. They said,
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  Speaker 1: if you're in a street, every house matters, right, you
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  Speaker 1: want every house to be safe and secure, you want
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  Speaker 1: every house to stay standing. Every house matters. But if
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  Speaker 1: there's a house that's on fire, everyone in the neighborhood
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  Speaker 1: should come out and put the fire out and make
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  Speaker 1: sure that the people and the house are okay. And
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  Speaker 1: they said, right now, there's a racism issue, and black
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  Speaker 1: lives matter, and the black house is on fire, so
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  Speaker 1: we're going to go and put the fire out. Well, today,
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  Speaker 1: the Jewish house is on fire metaphorically and in some
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  Speaker 1: ways even physically, and it's up to us as a
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  Speaker 1: community to go and put the fire out so that
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  Speaker 1: our Jewish brothers and sisters and neighbors and friends can
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  Speaker 1: live in their house in peace and safety. So please
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  Speaker 1: reach out to your Jewish friends and neighbors and support them,
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  Speaker 1: and please be strong enough to call out anti semitism
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  Speaker 1: when you see it. Now isn't the time to say, well,
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  Speaker 1: we need to watch out for a backlash in Islamophobia. No,
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  Speaker 1: no, no no, because that house is not on fire right now.
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  Speaker 1: It's the Jewish house that's on fire, and that's the
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  Speaker 1: one that we need to look after. Thanks for listening.
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  Speaker 1: I hope this has been helpful as a quick, I
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  Speaker 1: don't know emergency podcast, and it's all of my friends
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  Speaker 1: who have been affected by this, and to every family
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  Speaker 1: who's been affected by this. I hope that the things
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: that I've shared have been helpful. You'll find more up
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  Speaker 1: to the minute kind of stuff on my Facebook page,
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  Speaker 1: Doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families