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S1E3: Can I Speak.... About Not Being Okay? · Can I Speak?

• Chloe: Hey y'all, I'm Chloe. Dae: I'm day. ElijahJay: I'm Elijah. Chloe: Hmm. Dae: Three friends. Chloe: Three perspectives. ElijahJay: One conversation. Chloe: Welcome or welcome back to our third episode, y'all. We three episodes in of Can I Speak? Was it extending? Dae: No, I pressed the button but it just she didn't she didn't do her own thing. Okay. Chloe: Mm-hmm. Dae: Just go ahead, Call. Chloe: All right, so before ooh, salivating at the mouth. Before we get into this episode, we do just want to give a tiny disclaimer. This episode will be a little bit heavier, but we also want to recognize that September is ⁓ suicide prevention month. And y'all know we laugh a y'all a lot. Y'all see us laughing, y'all see us crying, y'all see us joking, but we also know the importance of shedding light on things that are important. So today we're gonna be talking about can we speak about not being okay? Mic check, mic check. ElijahJay: And of course we Chloe: He said, I know my part, I'm sorry. ElijahJay: And of course before we get And before we get into that, of course w it only makes sense that we do a good old mic check. Chloe: Mic check, mic check. ElijahJay: How you doing? Dae: Mike, check. Chloe: You know, I think today's episode is fitting. Dae: I was literally gonna say I it's okay to say I'm not okay. ElijahJay: That's good. ⁓ yeah, it's been a it's been a week, but we are here. Dae: But what about you? Chloe: Yeah. Well, now glad glad to have breath in the body. so now that we've just checked on each other and asked if we're okay, when somebody asks you if you're okay, how often are you actually telling the truth? Put it on the scale of one to ten. Ten, I tell the truth all the time. Dae: So glad to be here. Yeah. ⁓ that's good. Four. Four mm, let me go. Four is crazy. Five, but I think it depends on who ask. If y'all ask, ⁓ I'm gonna tell you the truth. Mm-hmm. Somebody I'm walking past at work or somewhere, grocery store. Immediately. Mm-hmm. Chloe: Correct. Yeah. Yeah. I'm great. How are you? I would say I'll it at like four and a half, five, depending on the pricing. Yeah. ElijahJay: ⁓ yeah. Agree. I would say like a five. Dae: With everybody or does it depend for you? With everybody? ElijahJay: No, I'm definitely not saying it with with everyone. But sometimes I'll say it like to be sarcastic because I know you don't really care, but like to like a stranger, perhaps, but or like someone like a coworker, like, huh? Dae: Mm-hmm. Chloe: Yeah. Dae: You'll say what? You'll say, like, ⁓ I'm okay. ElijahJay: No, like, ⁓ no, I'm actually ready to go sit in the car with the engine running. But Dae: ⁓ okay. You're making people nervous, they don't know how to respond to that. Chloe: God. No, for sure. I get you. That's a big thing 'cause people don't know how to respond. Like if you really say I'm not okay to somebody, they they don't know what to do with it. ElijahJay: ⁓ yeah. Dae: Yeah. 'Cause truly they're not ex they're asking out of courtesy. Chloe: Yeah, they're ill equipped for the truthful answer. Yeah. Dae: Yeah. ElijahJay: Or I don't think you just honestly prepare yourself to think, ⁓ this person is going to tell me like, yeah. Chloe: Ashley gonna tell me they're not okay. Yeah. Asking if you're okay is really a formality. Yeah, hey, how you doing? Yeah. Well Well. Dae: It really is. How are you? Like that's a greedy, yeah. Yeah. Chloe: Okay, so well we need obviously we all need some work on the truthfulness on are you okay? But the idea of not being okay, what does that actually look like for y'all? Like when you're not okay, paint that picture for us. ElijahJay: I think Pisa. I'm sorry. Dae: I think for me, normally when I'm not okay, it's because I'm overwhelmed with what's happening or like how much is happening at what time. Or like a to do list of things just keeps coming my way. So and then for that also flows into like not feeling like I have the capacity to check in on myself. Chloe: Yeah. Mm. Piling and piling, yeah. Mm. Dae: And I think going back to last episode in undergrad I used to schedule car days. Chloe: You taught me that. Yeah. Dae: Yeah. I used to schedule cries all the time. ElijahJay: I don't I don't know if that's something we talked about or what, but I used to do that as well. Truly it w it would be in the shower. And it had to be like, You can't do that right now. Get it together. Chloe: Mm-hmm. Dae: Mm. Yeah. Like no, our cries our cry time is coming. Chloe: Yeah. Wait. Yeah. Sluck it up. Chin up, chest out. Dae: 'Cause y'all know when I cry I need the whole day. ElijahJay: ⁓ I would say for me, when I'm not okay, what it looks like is or what was yeah, that was it. when I can't articulate what's wrong or like when I'm confused myself. Like like they said, like you're just so overwhelmed or you just have so many things going on. You can't even like put into words what what really is gonna I'm just honestly confused. And then I'm more mad at myself because I don't know what's wrong or what made me like what triggered it this time, you know? Chloe: Yeah. I think for me, when I reach the point of not being okay, it's probably when I've had like a situation and I've exhausted every resource. Like before I drop that tear, I'm going to do every single thing I know to do to fix the problem. So then when the problem is not being fixed, ⁓ we have hit a roadblock. And that means I have to go ask somebody for help. And I'm not doing that. Dae: Yeah. Chloe: So we cry and we get up and try again tomorrow. Dae: That's good. Cause I actually think it's the opposite for me. Either I'm gonna cry first and then I'm gonna go handle it and do what I gotta do. Or I start crying and it was because like ⁓ they forgot the straw in my bag at whatever restaurant. And it's like you're not crying like this is just the cherry on top. And I don't realize that all of this stuff has been, you know, piling up on me. And and the the missing straw is what did it. Chloe: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Truly. Your belt hook your belt will get stuck on that dog one more time. And can't pick ⁓ up? Dae: ⁓ wait ⁓ you drop them keys. Yeah. Chloe: Surely. ElijahJay: This us That's good. So I just can't I had a thought. Go ahead, go on. Dae: Okay. Chloe: Yeah. Dae: So when you're not okay, like how do you tend to cope? Or what do you do to pick yourself back up? Chloe: We go to bed. I'm going I'm going to sleep for days. No, like days. Yeah. Very unhealthy coping mechanism. One thing y'all gonna learn about Chloe is she's not afraid to to say when she lacks or when she's wrong. Super unhealthy coping mechanism, but I'm going to bed. And I'm not eating no food. Like I'm literally withering away. Dae: Take that now. Mm-hmm. Mm, that's good. Well, that's not good, but that's mm. That's good to know. It may I know when I haven't talked to you, I'm like, let me go. No, you must, you must. I need proof of life. With a fork on your head. You don't send me nothing in drafts. ⁓ Chloe: Well it makes it Shortly. Pitcher now. Put a red shirt on. That's fine. Dae: Immediately. No, that's good. ElijahJay: ⁓ for me, it would probably be yeah, Just finding my little hole in hibernating. Like it truly I just gotta get away. I don't need to be around anybody 'cause I am gonna explode. Hurt people hurt people. Mm. I'm not I'm not okay and I don't want to do that to y'all, so I have to get away. Chloe: That's a good one. Hard people do hard people. Dae: That's good. I think I think for me it's like I just need my alone time. Especially because I'm truly I love being by myself. And when I don't feel like I've had that it's just so let me withdraw, be by myself and I'm gonna come back, in a few days. Chloe: Mm. Mm-hmm. Eventually. Dae: Yeah, and even if it's like just to sit down and like spend some time by myself, scroll social media, it don't gotta be nothing deep. I don't gotta paint and figure out how I feel for it, but just some a long time with nothing on the on the calendar. Yeah. Chloe: Yeah. Yeah. ElijahJay: Yeah. Just a reset. 'Cause nine times I think it's really just probably over stimulation, like you're just dealing with a lot and I need to step back. Chloe: What they say? Go take a nap. ⁓ what Dae: That and that social battery? ElijahJay: Sure. Dae: If you take a nap, you'll feel a lot better. You won't send no crazy takes. You won't go off on people if you just go take a nap. You'll feel a lot better if you take that nap. Chloe: Cut this. ElijahJay: No, were y'all in that, ⁓ this is so off topic, but when we were in school and it was SEC week and somebody was running for some position and in her speech she basically said, Y'all aren't depressed. Dae: Hmm. Chloe: Now who the hell got in there and said that? Dae: And in their SEC speech. ElijahJay: She said y'all aren't y'all aren't depressed. Dae: He's weak. Chloe: Wait, we see. ElijahJay: Yeah. She basically was like, Y'all aren't depressed, y'all just need to g go figure it out. Dae: Mm. ElijahJay: Yeah. Y'all aren't really depressed. Just go take a nap. Dae: That's ElijahJay: She didn't win she didn't win the position. But Dae: I'm bothering. So what do you think has changed or like you've outgrown about the way you tend to cope with things? Or are you outgrowing it? Chloe: ⁓ yeah. That's a good question. I think ⁓ 'cause similar to you, when I'm not okay, I really want to be alone. Like the the spirit of isolation is heavy. Dae: Ooh we Chloe: Mm. I used to like totally disappear because I felt like I would always have to like show up in a certain way. But now I'm learning like I'm still gonna show up not okay. So yes, my location is still on. My phone is still gonna be on D, but I'm gonna see that you call me and all the things. But I I'm I'm not like doing all the extra. Like I'm not going into hiding. Like I'm here, I'm alive. Dae: Yeah. Chloe: I'm just not okay. Dae: What you said is good. I think for me, especially the isolation piece, I would use that as an excuse to be by myself. And while it would it started off good, the enemy would very quickly use that as a means to get to me. And he don't got no new tricks. so just having to be self aware of like you can't let this isolation turn into an opportunity for the enemy. He's very opportunistic. And Chloe: Yeah. Dae: So just be an intentional, like, yes, you can be alone but also you gotta be vigilant and stay in your word because ⁓ he coming like a thief in the night. Chloe: Yeah. ElijahJay: Say, ⁓ similar to what y'all said, I still am gonna go on my hiatus, I'm still gonna disappear. But it's what I do in that alone time. Like you said, staying in my word, not just ⁓ wallowing away, self-pity, like you know, and then also not staying away for too long, being okay with coming back, coming back into the open, you know. Chloe: Yeah. ElijahJay: Being with the people. And then I feel like letting friends and family be friends and family. You know, ⁓ you have to let you have to let people do their part. You have to allow a friend to be a friend. You have to allow a family member to be a family member. Those are there are people who are meant to check on you. There are people who are meant to, you know, be there, be that listening ear. And sometimes you gotta be okay with letting people do that because I'm not it it's not Chloe: That's a good one. ElijahJay: I I have to do my part to make sure this is a beneficial relationship, you know? And sometimes that's a part of it, allowing people to do what they're supposed to do. Chloe: Mm. Dae: Yeah, I that's something I also had to learn. I think mainly in undergrad is like when I don't when I'm not honest or like vulnerable with how I feel, it also robs y'all the opportunity to show up for me. ⁓ so yeah, that's good. Chloe: So speaking of being vulnerable and allowing people to show up for you, have y'all ever been well functioning presenting? But like deep down inside you are withering away, falling apart. Cannot breathe. ElijahJay: ⁓ for sure. Dae: A hundred percent. Yeah. Right now. ElijahJay: For sure, for sure. Truly. I mean, I feel like we a lot of us were taught to just you always put your best foot forward. You don't let anybody and I joke all the time, like you're not gonna see me cry on Beyonce's i internet, but Chloe: Every day. Right now. Can't let him see you sweat. Such a terrible mindset to have. Can't let him see you sweat. ElijahJay: Like, it is truly terrible. I feel like a lot of us were brought up that way. Like you no matter what or it just goes back to like what's going on in this house doesn't have to be, you know, brought to the light. Like what goes on in this house stays in this house. So it's like I'm gonna keep what's going on back here, but at the end of the day, I still gotta show up and be Elijah. I still gotta show up and y'all don't see me, y'all. I'm not known to be the one to cry. I'm not known to be the one that's sad and Dae: Yeah. Chloe: Yeah. ElijahJay: down and I I wanna be that light so I have to show up every day and do that. Or otherwise people would know something's going on and I can't I can't do that. Chloe: That's real good. That's real good. So ElijahJay: But go ahead. Dae: Is somebody drilling something? ElijahJay: I do hear something in the background. Chloe: I hear it, but it's not in my house. ElijahJay: It's not here either. Dae: Not here. Okay. ElijahJay: No man either. Chloe: Is the dryer going? Dae: No. Chloe: Hold on. It is at my house, please excuse me. Dae: Yeah. Chloe: Yeah. Dae: When she opened it, don't get loud. Chloe: to do things. hopefully it doesn't pick up too much on the pot. Dae: Uh-huh. Okay, but yes. Were you asking us a question? Okay, sorry. Chloe: I was I fear I don't remember. So somebody pick up wherever you feel. Yeah. Dae: Sorry. ElijahJay: I'll go. So hold on, I hear is it a fan or y'all good? Dae: We're good. Yeah. That might be me. But Chloe: Now that's not in my house for real. ElijahJay: Okay. ⁓ So is it easier for y'all to talk about what happened or how what happened made you feel? Chloe: ⁓ well ⁓ ElijahJay: Mm. Dae: ⁓ well I think it's I can do both, but I think it's definitely easier for me to talk about what happened. Chloe: No for sure. ⁓ same. What happened? I actually never talk about how what happened has made me feel. I'm gonna tell you that story though. ⁓ I I'm gonna give that rundown of that story. But how you made me feel how ElijahJay: I was gonna say I can vividly detail Dae: Yeah. ElijahJay: Yeah. I'm quick to tell a story. Chloe: Again, terrible terrible copy mechanism. ⁓ from A A to Z, from the rooter to the Tudor, you will get every detail. Yeah. Dae: The blind leading the blind. Yeah. ElijahJay: I am definitely quick to tell the story and instead of putting my feelings into it, I'm gonna add some comedic relief into the story. Like you're gonna you're gonna have a great time when I tell it, like for sure. Chloe: Literally. Dae: Now I have a great time. Have you ever felt like you had to make your pain or what you were going through smaller? in order to like I guess better be there for somebody else? Chloe: Not smaller but non-existent. Dae: Mm. ElijahJay: Mm-hmm. Chloe: Like I feel like and even sometimes still to this day, especially if it's somebody I love or somebody I'm close to, like I don't even know how to share a space of pain. Like it's either you or me. But in no way, shape or form do I know how it can be both of us. Dae: ⁓ we I don't wanna call you out on the pot, but I was gonna say I don't think that's true. Chloe: ⁓ well. Well maybe okay, not intentionally know how to create space. Yeah. Dae: I don't think that I think you Yeah, okay. Which makes sense. I was gonna say I think you do a good job of Yeah. but I think for me it's like I never wanna be like, ⁓ da days going through this, so she probably can. Or doesn't have the capacity to be there for me. So in some instances where I know like one of my friends is going through a rough season, I will either hold it or lean on somebody else. Chloe: Mm. Mm. Dae: Because I don't want you to feel like you don't have anyone to come to. Chloe: Who can I run to? ElijahJay: When I'm in love. Chloe: Rather when I need love. Dae: You've been jacking up lyrics all day. ElijahJay: ⁓ yeah. True. Dae: Well who can you run to when you're in love too? I guess. But what about you, brother? Chloe: Mm. Charlie. Yeah. ElijahJay: This is very serious. I just this is just a lot. I'm so sorry. But Chloe: Cause he's gonna start pissing me off for real. Dae: Mm. ElijahJay: I'm pissing myself off. What was that question? Dae: Jesus. Have you ever felt like you had to hide had to make your pain smaller because someone else was going through or like they had it worse? ElijahJay: I don't feel like I've had to make my pain smaller. ⁓ Probably because and I was gonna hide it regardless. So I feel like I'm I'm just now to the part or to the place where I'm gonna like be upfront about how I feel or if I'm going through anything. So if one of my friends was to come to me about anything, it's not like they would know that I was going through anything, if that makes sense. Cause it was already suppressed. Chloe: So ⁓ go ahead. Dae: Do you supp And I'm saying, are you suppressing it for them or for you? Chloe: Mm. Mm. ElijahJay: It could be a it could be a little of both. Yeah, I feel like it's a a natural instinct. Only because and not using it as an excuse, but being the oldest, like you're kinda used to like always looking out for somebody else in general. So it's like I don't know. So I mean, it would be like, you know, I'm doing it for myself, but also like I'm doing it like 'cause I I feel like in that moment you're telling me something's wrong. I could also be like, Well Dae: ⁓ that's good. ElijahJay: I can't talk about that right now because I'm going through this. Or I'd be like, Well, I'm going through this too. But instead of doing that, I'm just being there for you. Dae: I think that's good. I was gonna say I think that's the difference between being the oldest boy and then me being the only oldest girl with two brothers. Because they still see themselves as like, ⁓ I'm her brother, I'm her protector. So with them it's like I can still be as completely I'm gonna cry. I can still be I can still be as vulnerable as I need to be, ⁓ with my brothers. Chloe: Mm, that's good. Ha ha Yeah. ElijahJay: Est-ce que Chloe: I so you know people say this is just to I'm listening to y'all's answers, you know, people say that friendship is supposed to have depth and that we're supposed to Dae: Wait, we don't stick with I would wonder why the hell would she choose that word? Chloe: And that that that was not intentional, but once I said it, I'm like, wait, okay, bring us back. Gonna say deep this time. Okay, so people, you know, say that friendship is supposed to be deep. And so Dave, you said that if you know that you have a friend going through something, you kinda hold back on what you're feeling. And then Elijah, you said that they won't even know that you're going through something. So it Okay, initially. Yeah. Dae: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Bah ElijahJay: Like in initially though, like ⁓ eventually you'll probably know, but like initially, yeah. Chloe: So in what ways are we still honoring friendships, even though at times like we're not being completely honest, but not being completely honest for the sake of the other person? Like how do those two things coincide? Dae: I think it depends on the person because ⁓ with my friends I know y'all's capacity of like what you can and cannot handle when it comes to me. ⁓ and then also I've had to learn there's some people you just don't want to be there for you. and y and I mean that because not like you said, like at the beginning, not everybody is equipped for what Chloe: Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Mm. The truth. Dae: The truth or like you know what I'm going through or equipped with what to say to me. so there's that. But I can say like especially with you, Chloe, like it's I really once I ask do you have space? If you say yes, sister, you're actually sit here sit here and get it up. And ⁓ the same for Elijah, like it I mean, if you ask me how I'm doing, you're you're getting how I'm doing. Chloe: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Lay it out. Yeah. The honest dissertation answer. Dae: Actually, do you have a couch you'd like for me to sit on? But yes. But I think it does become a part like how honest are you being with your friends when you're holding back? And then it dare I say it could be detrimental to the friendship because if I'm your friend, I'm your friend. ⁓ so yeah, I get Chloe: Yeah. Totally. Yeah. But we said in the first episode, or we all agreed, I think Elijah said that friendship has tears. Tears. so would you share how do y'all differentiate who to share that you're not okay with? Or are we saying I'm not okay, but you're saying it in different ways? To your friends. Dae: Mm-hmm. ElijahJay: Yeah, I was gonna say it could probably be I feel like if you're bringing it into like the tears, you can tell your friend like I'm not okay and then or like, you know, they say, Hey, how are you? you know. like today just wasn't a good day or this wasn't a good week. And then you have those friends where it's like, Yeah, today wasn't a good week. This, this and this happened and then you have those friends where it's like, Hey, I need you to pray for me like this is what's going on, the like you Chloe: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mm. Yeah. ElijahJay: How you d differentiate that is probably like based off of I just feel like the the relationship I've seen you, ⁓ well one, how do you I don't think was gonna say something really good. Hold on. Sorry. But Somebody else go. I have to find a way. I have to be PR, I'm sorry. Dae: I think for me I think for me, it's not necessarily like tears. I think it depends on the situation that I'm going through. ⁓ 'cause I I might tell the friend, I don't want to say bottom tier, but like in if we're doing these tears the most about how I'm feeling, because maybe they can relate or they've been there or they're better equipped to whether it's spiritually, emotionally, to help me with this in this evening. ⁓ but then there's some friends, you getting everything I got. Chloe: Mm, that's good. Dae: Chloe. You're getting everything I got. And especially when it comes to like my mental health and all the things, not everybody can sometimes people don't know what to say to me when I say like, ⁓ I'm struggling mentally, especially in Christian being Christian and mental health, that's a whole nother topic. But it's just like you I never would have thought. And I'm just like, ⁓ how come? Chloe: Surely. Hm. Too bad you don't get paid for thinking. Dae: So yeah. ElijahJay: It's good. I guess like you said, but so when you say they don't know what to say to you, you're you're that's you basically putting up a a boundary because they've like they've tried you've tried it with them before and it's been proven that you've like or you didn't accept or receive what they've said before the right way. Chloe: Mm-hmm. Dae: I think, ⁓ okay. You know those friends that's gonna ⁓ I think about Monica so gone, like, let's ride past his house, kick down your doors and smack. You got those friends. And you don't always need to hear that. Sometimes you just know you need to call that friend that said, God is God is with you. He will fight for you. Chloe: Huh, nine years. ElijahJay: Mm-hmm. Chloe: You do. You don't ElijahJay: Mm-hmm. Chloe: Keep your peace, keep your peace. Well Dae: Keep your peace. Close say I like a holistic approach. ElijahJay: Makes sense. We're we're there now. Chloe: I'm taking the monica for two hundred Alex And I ElijahJay: Surely. Dae: And then it's me calling you. Chloe: You after though, so you can tell me that the Lord will fight for me. I need to keep my peace. That's how we got to that scripture. Dae: That is so that is so funny. True. I said now what happened? ⁓ it was two days ago. She said, I couldn't call you because I knew you were gonna give me some Chloe: Surely. You did what? ElijahJay: Right. I need you. Chloe: No, that was verbatim. ElijahJay: I'm calling you now so that you can pray that we don't this situation doesn't end this way. Because I've already done it. Chloe: That was verbatim what I said. I literally said I couldn't call you because you weren't gonna tell me what I wanted to hear. Dae: She said no. I wasn't giving you the ammo you need. Just how y'all talk about ⁓ posting what y'all wanna post and I gotta be blocked on social media first? ElijahJay: Surely. I've done it a quite a few times, I'm just Dae: Mm-hmm. Cause I'm real quick. ⁓ take that down. Chloe: Well, I think I've had to take you out the close friends once or twice in college. Just for the night, just for the night. Ain't finna call me. ElijahJay: Yeah. Dae: That's crazy. I'm leaving. Now now you get scriptures in the middle of the night. Chloe: Just had try to have a little fun. Dae: ⁓ wait. That's hilarious. Chloe: Trying cope with not being okay. Okay, so okay, go ahead. ElijahJay: Okay, so I have a good one. So when does I'll handle it myself become unhealthy? Dae: Hmm. ⁓ it's never unhealthy? Chloe: Mm, never. nobody's gonna do you how you gonna do you. Nobody's gonna do it how you would do it. So I actually feel like when we have these grand problems and God you you know my heart, but the you should never run to men. I feel like you need to be on your knees. God, how can I help me in this situation? 'Cause the first thing we do is run to people, help me. Where do we get that from? Help you help you. Dae: Yeah. ⁓ well I think I agree with the first part. I think yes, run to God first. But I think God is kind in the fact that He has given us community. He didn't do it alone. When the Lord went to the garden to pray, when Jesus went to the garden to pray, he said, I y'all stay on the outside and pray for me. Pray with me. Chloe: Yeah. Surely. But Yes. ElijahJay: Mm. Chloe: But seek wise counsel. Cause I feel like people run to the closest thing, Basie. Especially in ⁓ help me find the word, but when you are in dire need. Dae: Ya ⁓ please let it be wise counsel. You don't just go seek it nobody. ⁓ And we were talking about that the other day. Instagratification. Chloe: Yeah, I'm texting the first person. Like, pray and then ask God, send me or show me the community. But because we want instant gratification, we're not always willing to accept. He might not show you for eight months. Dae: And then I think that's important and then like the community of people changes. So while like God might have wanted me to be that person for you in the season, but now he's calling you to or calling someone else to be there for you. I think we also have to be okay with that. Chloe: Mm, no. Mm. Yes. Mm-hmm. That struck a nerve. That did something to me. Dae: I'm sorry. ⁓ my god. Chloe: So we keep doing this. Go ahead, brother. Go ahead. Okay, so we understand that we have all had seasons or maybe even having a season of not being okay. But at what point do we just keep saying, ⁓ I'm not okay? versus choosing to be okay? Like, when do you say I'm not gonna let myself stay here? ElijahJay: No, you go here. Dae: Yeah. ⁓ I think I keep saying I think, but for me, it's like I have to get to a point where I'm I don't want to use the word disgusted, but I'm so unpleased that I have no choice but to be proactive. And whether that's okay, we're gonna get up, brush our hair, put put some lashes on, get outside, feel good, look good. I think there's an inten ⁓ intentionality piece that you just have to have. Chloe: Fed up. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Dae: At some point and whether it comes a week into the season, a month, three months, a year into the season, at some point you just say, I cannot live like this. You do what you gotta do. Chloe: Girl, get up. Dae: Can't get ElijahJay: Yeah. I was gonna say it's like you say, you you truly have to be tired of being sick and tired. And then I don't know if this is also like an unhealthy piece or it's like you should do it for yourself, but I feel like what I have going on also is tied to other people. And sometimes it's not even like immediate people or people that are here now, but also my future. Like to sit here and willow and wallow in what I have going. future that I need to build. have a legacy that's coming behind me. At some point you hey, get it together. Be be what are okay, you're you're not okay right now, but what are you gonna do to to fix that? You're you're praying about it and you've you've given it to God. You you've done all the things. You're okay, let's go talk about some like you said, let's go talk to somebody, whether it be a friend, a therapist, we're taking the the necessary steps, but You're still sitting in the bed. You're not making any changes yourself. So it's like, Why just sit in that? Chloe: Yeah. I think the way I like force myself to like not lay in it, I really have to tell myself like how lucky are you that God chose you to go through this? Like, think about the beauty that He wants you to experience, He wants you to have. Dae: Mm. Chloe: the joy that he wants you to take from this situation, how lucky are you? Because there are people who I'm not gonna say they don't go through anything, but the things that they've described or expressed that they've gone through are very minimal to what I've gone through. And not saying that God loves them any less, but it really makes me think that God loves me so much and He's so pleased with my character and He really cares about me. Like hey I'm gonna put her through this ringer. Because I know she's gonna come out whole and I know she's gonna give me the glory and I know she's gonna do all those things. And really I feel like in any situation, it's easier said than done, 'cause I might be crying next week about something. But it's really to God be the glory. Like, good and bad, to God be the glory. Dae: Mm-hmm. So God be the glory. And I think even like, you know, I would rely on this a lot. We would sing songs like For Your Glory by Tasha Cobbs. And then it follows to say, I'll do anything, will you? But I think one thing that is so kind about God is that when we go through things, it reveals his character to us. If you're never sick and he doesn't heal you, you don't know him as healer. If you're never broke, you don't know him as Jehovah Jireh. ElijahJay: That's a beautiful way to put it. Chloe: I'm quiet. Yes. Mm. ElijahJay: Mm-hmm. Dae: If you've never needed him to fight for you, you don't know him as your banner. And it's just it truly so how kind of God to reveal himself to me. Chloe: Mm. Thank you. Mm. Like he loves me so much that he wants me to be in close relationship with him. ElijahJay: Yeah, right. Dae: But he's Yes, and I'm gonna show her this new part of well not new part of me, but reveal myself differently. Yeah. Reveal myself differently to her through this season. So truly, to God be the glory. For all the things. Chloe: ⁓ we ElijahJay: This side of me, yeah. Chloe: Yeah. Yes. ElijahJay: And 'cause we we did have that conversation where everybody doesn't Chloe: For the thing and in the song. Thank you. For for the things that you have done. And that really takes us back to music. A music episode might be coming soon, y'all. But for all the things that he's done, all the things, good and bad, joy and sorrow. All the things to God be the glory. So that's what I tell myself. How kind of him. That's still love. Going through something is still love. It's still care. Still all those things. God, the Lord will fight for you. Please just keep your peace. Dae: Let's keep that peace. ⁓ wait. ElijahJay: Yeah. Well Chloe: Mm. ElijahJay: I am the only guy up here, but I do want a woman's perspective. So do y'all think men are actually given enough space to say that they're not okay? The same men that are not able to smoke hookah, they're not able to want an umbrella, you know, all these things, you know. We are in this sassy, this sassy Yeah, so Dae: Given Chloe: Yeah. That's the man apocalypse. Dae: I think I want to speak about black men in particular. Because those are the not the only men I know, but the only men in my community at the moment. And I think there's this stigma that you have to be strong. You have to show up as this Hercules of a man. And it's just like I think every man, whether black, white, orange, green, purple. ElijahJay: Come on. Chloe: Mm-hmm. Yes. Mm-hmm. Dae: needs a space, a safe space of people where they can just be as vulnerable because they go through things. Chloe: Yeah. But I also I I agree wholeheartedly. Be hap if mm men deserve a safe space in their life. But I think that especially now at this point in time we're so big on expressing that to men. Like men's mental health is very prominent in our community. But at what point do men take advantage of that? Because I know so many men who's like, I'm not doing this. I don't gotta cry. I don't have to be a man. So at first they didn't open the space for you. So now the space is open. When do you lean into it? So I think at this particular point in time it's more so the men. You don't have that because you're not going To seek that, not because it's not available. And especially if you have a woman in your life that loves you, or a mama, or a sister, girlfriend, wife, whatever, or good homeboys, that space is available. It's just men don't want to feel weak or they don't want to feel, you know, all these different things. But now it's a you problem. And when it's a you problem, I stop having grace and sympathy. Cause I ha I have it here for you. Dae: I think that or like pride or like how does this make me look to people if I do go to therapy or if I do start crying. Chloe: Yeah. Right. ElijahJay: I was just gonna say you gotta Chloe: Yeah. ElijahJay: You have to un sometimes it's it's wired in. Like when that's become like your reality, that when that's something that you're used to, it is gonna take some time to get that out of your head. Like y some people therapy is not a regular thing or like all of these resources that are there for men now and that are like, you know, yeah, you have your women that are saying like, No, it's okay to cry. It's ⁓ but if I've grew up and I'm told like, no, crying is soft, crying makes you gay, crying makes you Dae: And for me And now you're forty. ElijahJay: all these things and I'm forty, I have thirty nine years of like all these things. Like that's gonna come out. And I get you're saying, like I have the opportunity to and you're giving me the space to cry in front of you, but I don't know how. And it it it really is a thing where some people physically will not know how to cry. Like Chloe: But at what point, I agree, but at what point it does that stop being an excuse? Cause I feel like I feel like that's the excuse we hear. ⁓ nobody taught me. I don't know how. My mama said I gotta be strong and da-da-da-da. We get that. And for all people, not just men, most of our lives have been formed around decisions that had nothing to do with this. Dae: Mm. I don't okay, sorry. ElijahJay: Mm-hmm. Chloe: But now you were at the age or older where you make a choice to change that. So for example, the things in my life, I Chloe goes to therapy. She physically goes to sit on somebody's couch. But how ignorant of me to say, ⁓ well, this happened to me, or they did this to me, or they said that to me, and I don't know how to do this, but I stay there. It's a something going to therapy is very uncomfortable. But when do you feel like you need to make change? Dae: Mm-hmm. Mm. I think it's ⁓ about comfort and trust, especially with black men. Like, am I comfortable with this person? Do I trust this person? Especially, yeah, and even like when you go to therapy, your therapist might your first therapist, she might not be it. He might not be it. Truly. You just you just gotta shop. She was not, not for me. ⁓ you just have to shop, and I hate to say this, but shop around. Chloe: I mean, yeah. Yeah. And she wouldn't. She's not it. Yeah. Exploit date everybody. Explore your options. Dae: And see And even with community, it's like, yeah, I love them, but I don't know if I'm comfortable or they haven't made me comfortable enough to share this yet. ElijahJay: And you gotta also think, like, when you're coming from that, that standpoint of pride and like fear, you're thinking about so many things and that brings up so much more anxiety. Like when especially when you bring in the word trust, sometimes you can't even trust your friends. I told you this and you wouldn't tell the whole community. And you think I'm gonna tell a stranger who owes me no loyalty, who owes me nothing, and they don't go and tell something, like it, or just even the fear of not knowing what's gonna come up. Chloe: Mm. Mm. ElijahJay: Like some people just you you just really don't know. And so when you are stepping into just brand new territory Dae: Hm. ElijahJay: that that that's what it is. I feel like that's truly what holds a lot of people back. It's it's truly pride and fear. And fear being the number one thing 'cause pride, you'll you'll overcome pride, but fear, you can overcome that too. But that's gonna take a lot. Chloe: Emperor. Dae: Mm. Chloe: And pressure too. Men are put under a lot of pressure. Cause it's always who gonna be the boys? But the boys don't even have space to be the boys. ElijahJay: And then when do you have time? Like when d when does that man actually have time to go in? care for himself, like actually go to therapy when you're you're taking care of the household, supposedly, and you gotta have all of this. Dae: ⁓ this is so crazy. But this isn't even can I speak about dating? But for me, a man becomes more attractive once I see them cry. Chloe: Thank you. I small small lil story. I was dealing with ⁓ and y'all know I cry. I am an emotional ⁓ I am ⁓ I'm going to cry. And I was so comfortable with him that I cried in front of him ⁓ A ⁓ And one day I'm like, well, Chloe, you're crying a ⁓ And you've actually ⁓ seen him show that level of emotion. So one day I just asked y'all know I'm asked ⁓ Dae: ⁓ Huh? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Chloe: Say, when's the last time you cried? And he was like, I think he wanted to tell me something like 2012. Over a decade ago? Are you okay? No, truly. Truly, but wait, if I knew then what I know now. But he told me like 2012, and that was well over a decade ago. ElijahJay: You're a sociopath. Dae: Twenty twenty We did find that to be true. Chloe: And honestly in that moment made me reel back on my crying. Cause it goes back to well, I'm being overly open and vulnerable with you and you're not showing me nothing. Sorry, but ⁓ please cry. Like I actually need to s see you drop A tier. Dae: Can't do that. Please car. ElijahJay: But there's a lot of different levels to it. Cause I and I was talking to my mom about this the other day. I feel like and it's something that I'm unpacking now, you know, being in therapy and doing the things and all the things, but I find it easier for me to cry for you guys. Like I can cry for I can watch a movie and tear be sobbing. Chloe: Yeah. ElijahJay: I can y'all could be telling me something. Y'all I could be happy for y'all, happy tears, sad tears, you know, I everything. I can qu use all the emotions for y'all. But when it comes to myself, it's so weird. It just, it's like a wall. It's like a block. And I I truly to this day still trying to figure it out. Like even when it comes to grief, when it comes to like somebody so dear to me can be gone. And I just be like, but you come and you tell me, ⁓ well, this per I lost this person and I'm boo hooing with you. Chloe: Yeah. ElijahJay: I don't I don't get it. It's so it's it's crazy. Dae: Mm. Yeah. I think upbreaking plays a huge role as well. Like I come from a household, especially like I wanna say especially my dad. He's trying to put his business out there, but I've seen my dad cry a few times. Yeah. I and and that is my homie. yeah, very and I'm like I realize how s so many people like the first time they see their dad or ElijahJay: Mm-hmm. Chloe: ⁓ that's big. I love that. That's gonna make me cry. Wow. Wow, that's beautiful. That's beautiful. ElijahJay: Yeah. Dae: their mom cry. They forty years old. And I'm just like, ⁓ wow Chloe: Truly, I have never seen my mother cry. Or my grandma. Dae: Mm. ElijahJay: Mm-hmm. Dae: I've never seen my grandma cry. Help God. But yeah. So then you get people that like, ⁓ is crying normal? Like, am I supposed to cry? When you're not used to seeing, I'm not saying they're crying every day like me. And I'm not always crying because of I'm sad. Truly. Sometimes I'm crying. Chloe: Ha. Surely. Well the last three episodes, they have seen your tears. Dae: ⁓ but sometimes I'm crying because I'm laughing. One thing about me I am not scared to cry. Truly. Chloe: Do y'all feel like y'all had a it's a great question? ⁓ a upbringing where you were allowed to say you weren't okay? Because you feel emotions from a child. Were did y'all have that safe space even at 5, 6, 7, 10, 12, 14? Like, hey, I'm not okay. Dae: This is so crazy. I think then I didn't have language to say. Like, I'm not okay. I didn't know what I was feeling. I just felt une it didn't feel right. I think more recently, and I wanna say like twenty twenty one, I've gotten language for I'm not okay. Like I can actually put into words. And so there is space for that. Now I think it's different how both of my parents handle I'm not okay. ⁓ Chloe: Yeah. It didn't feel right. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. Dae: But yeah. ElijahJay: I would say for me Dae: Yeah. ElijahJay: But like they said now, as a like who I am now, I feel like I can go to my parents, let them know I'm not okay. As a kid, no. and I say that in the sense of I don't think they were prepared for that. I don't think they understood what that meant. ⁓ I think a lot of right, I think a lot of black kids, or I don't even want to say black kids, maybe other Chloe: Yeah. Dae: You better depress that homework. Chloe: Press them dishes. ElijahJay: people said the same thing, but you know, you don't have bills, you don't have anything to worry about. So what are you going through? That kinda, you know, all you have to do is go to school and do all all of the things. Or it's like, like you said, now if you do say you're not okay, you expect me in that moment on the spot to verbalize how I feel. And I can't, I don't I'm I'm just letting you know I'm not okay. And I can't give you a six page paper on why I'm not okay. And so because I can't do that, you feel like I'm I I'm I'm okay. You know? Chloe: Yeah. Dae: Okay. Yeah. ElijahJay: So I but now, like you said, now that I'm able to like when I do take my time, I go back and I think, I can put to words how I'm feeling. I feel like, you know, I can be like, you know, I'm not okay. This is what's going on. This is how I need you to handle me in this moment, or the lack thereof, you know. Chloe: Yeah. Dae: For sure. Chloe: ⁓ there was I feel like I've always been, dare I say emotionally aware. I've always had the language. I've always been able to say, and there wasn't truly and there was not that space. You have no bills, you have no no concerns, all you have to do is go be a child. So I think that and y'all know I'm a person, you have one time to show me. So Dae: That's them books. Please don't mess it up. ⁓ Chloe: You have one time to show me that you can't show it for me or that you're not gonna be there for me. And that's it. So because that space wasn't provided from the times that I wasn't okay as a child, now the space is available. I don't utilize it. And I don't utilize it because I don't trust you. because you showed me 15 years ago that I could it. So that's why I go to therapy. The Lord is working on me. Dae: Okay. Yeah. ElijahJay: That's good. And I feel like it goes back like all of our conversations always kind of flow together 'cause it goes back to like ⁓ when you were born, if you're like the only child, all of those things, like the youngest, all of that 'cause I feel like again, me and they always say it like you're we're we're the test dummy, we're the oldest. So it's like I feel like my parents were growing up with me. So I've seen like where my siblings now my parents have that capacity to understand like, Hey, I just got back I just got out of school. Dae: Continued working. Chloe: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. ElijahJay: I had a long day at school. A lot of stuff was going on in school. I'm not okay. I can't just jump into doing chores. I can't just jump into, you know, or you said something to me and now I'm emotional. I don't know how to receive there. Or maybe I did say something back and it came off as disrespectful, but I wasn't trying to be disrespectful. I just don't, you know, I'm feeling some type of way now. But back then when I was young, like it they weren't going for none of that. So, you know, you kinda just learn to deal with it. Chloe: Right. Dae: ⁓ I think it's so it's so crazy because I'm not okay and my brothers I'm not okay looks totally different. Like when I was well, when I was their age we were handling balancing totally different things. So I feel like my parents are still having to adjust because ElijahJay: Mm-hmm. Chloe: Mm. Mmm, that's good. ElijahJay: They're they're learning a a totally different way. Dae: Yeah, like yeah, she needed this, he don't need this, he actually don't want this. And I'm like, you know, I there I have some grace Chloe: And a totally different child. ElijahJay: Mm-hmm. Chloe: My bad. ElijahJay: And that's why I say you low key have to give the parents grace as well. Cause it's like and when you think about that, you're learning like with me, I have four siblings. You you learn five different personalities, five totally different people, and have had to raise them different ways. Chloe: ⁓ wee. Shout out to your parentals. Dae: Mm. ElijahJay: And I can only imagine, like, even with my younger sister, it's like they've I feel like she probably has f she feels like she's going through trial and error as well, because it's like they probably have tried to mimic what they've done before and had to realize like she's like none of them. So I can see that. You just I might have to call her nine. Dae: Truly. Chloe: Yeah. Dae: Mm. Chloe: Call sis to call sister, make sure she's okay. Dae: Call sister, call mama. Everybody okay. Chloe: What have y'all survived? This is gonna get a little deep. What have y'all survived that people around you probably never realized was as serious as it was? Didn't even finish the question, because they didn't even let it marinate. Dae: I'm crying already. This isn't ⁓ wait, somebody else go. Okay, thank you. Chloe: And it's so crazy because this is a current situation. And somebody told me this recently. but I have no parents. Let me say. The Lord blessed me with three parents. I have one parent. And one recently died. Say two months ago or something, somewhere in there, like two months ago. And then this is why, and this right here is why you don't tell people you're not okay, truthfully. So I talked to somebody and they were like, How are you? And I'm like, Hey, I'm like struggling with this, like, whatever. So, backstory. My biological father passed away when I was nine. My stepfather passed away two months ago. I'm 25. So, same similar situation. You're two totally different ages though. So you're probably processing it differently. Now I have language and I have feelings and understanding and all things. So back to conversation. Telling this person like, hey, I'm not okay. And I'm telling you this because you asked me. Now because I'm volunteering this information. And they said, Chloe, you went through before. Truly. Truly gotta get it all recording so they don't go crazy. Dae: Who said that? And that's why I'm just not hearing it on the pie. Because who said that to my friend? Because I get real tender about Matt. I'm sorry. Girl. ⁓ and she does that. She'll purposely leave that details and tell me when we're in a public set and I can't go crazy. Go here. Chloe: Yeah. So they told me that. And then it made me question myself and my feelings like I have gone through this before. And you feel like I overcame, you know, you're overcome it. so if that I say that to say to answer the question. I'm like, well, maybe people don't realize how much this is affecting me. Mm-hmm. But yeah, so somebody did tell me that, but I couldn't tell my friends because they on the way. Dae: Girl. Don't ever I don't hold on. I don't know who this person is. Don't ever Don't ever. No, you can let me know. I ain't gonna go crazy. Don't ever fix your mouth to tell my friend that she done been through it already. And basically what I heard is get over it. ElijahJay: Well, 'cause that's a that's a crazy thing to say. Chloe: No evolution don't evolution out. Okay. Okay. Truly. ElijahJay: And to know what it took for you to even let them know that. Dae: 'Cause you get over it. And my th mm. Chloe: True. Dae: You better be careful. And not for me. But for him. 'Cause then you have to get over some Chloe: The Lord will fight for you. You truly must only keep your peace. Nah. Tight, lace them up, can't get out of ⁓ Stuck to the flow. Dae: put you in her shoes. ⁓ okay. Anyway, I think for me, you said wait, what was the question? The hardest thing you had to overcome? Chloe: But that people don't know is as serious as it is. ⁓ I think I know your answer. I think I know. That's not what I was gonna say, but please please go ahead. Dae: ⁓ okay. Dang, do y'all know I about the cancer? Okay. Okay. When I was eighteen I used to have this like big lump on the side of when I was eighteen, child, when I was like thirteen, twelve, thirteen, I had a big lump on the side of my neck and we go to the doctor, get a test like, you know, get a little check up, see what's going on. Because it was like a golf ball on the side of my neck. ⁓ and then they're like, ⁓ it possibly could be cancer. Chloe: Yeah. Jesus. Dae: all the things I'm I'm twelve, thirteen thinking, ⁓ this is how it ends for me. I'm going and then they send me to like St. Jude. If y'all know anything about Saint Jude, why would you send me to St. Chloe: Yeah. I'm through. ⁓ but God. ElijahJay: I got Chloe: Yes. Not the commercial hospital. That be on the commercials. Dae: But it's it's a cancer center. We're in Memphis and I'm a PD pediatrician, pa p pediatric patient, Jesus, at the time. So I go to St. Drew and it's just like even waiting on the results. I know it was scary for my parents, but it was so scary for me. And I just so grateful for how my friends at the time showed up. But it was so scary. Like I was just playing. Had the surgery, come to find out it wasn't cancerous, praise God. But it was just like two of my Chloe: Yeah. ⁓ Yeah. Yeah. So God be the glory. Dae: lift notes sitting on top of each other. But yeah, that was a very trying time. What'd you think I was going to say? What'd you think I was going to say? Chloe: Trying time. I thought she was gonna talk it about ⁓ being an antigua. Dae: that that was hard. But I think I the Lord was so kind and that I had community over there. It didn't feel like I was far away until I would talk to y'all. Or like miss out on Thanksgiving because they didn't celebrate that over there. So I was still in class. Chloe: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dae: Brother? ElijahJay: ⁓ Lord. Y'all are y'all trying it, but I'm not gonna let it happen. ⁓ Mine would probably be More recent than anything, I would say the hardest thing I've tried to overcome is real realizing that thought I knew my identity and I had no clue. And relearning that. Chloe: Mm. That's good. ElijahJay: And also having to live life at the same time and pretty much be pretending the entire time. Chloe: Hmm. ElijahJay: To say it out loud is crazy. But yeah, like Dae: Is it not? Chloe: Surely. Dae: Yeah. ElijahJay: Mm-hmm mm-hmm mm. What did Nene do on their podcast? ⁓ I mean on their reunion. I'm finna I'm finna close the laptop because y'all would never see me, but Dae: Mm-hmm. Chloe: Closey. Dae: I'm hollering. Don't say nipping. ElijahJay: Mm mm. Yeah, that was just it was just you know, realizing Dae: You can quarry on the pie. Is he crying on the phone? ElijahJay: No, I'm okay. But Chloe: That's tough realizing that you're you're not who you thought you were. It's a very difficult pill. ElijahJay: Yeah. And having to have the to be humble enough to figure it out because I feel like I could have been stubborn and just was like, nah. Like, I don't know. I feel like I really don't have to put it into words, y'all, but I I've given myself so much grace. And I feel like my friends have given me grace. My family has given me grace because I really went into like a a hole. I remember there was months at the time I didn't talk to anybody. Chloe: Truly. But I checked I checked the location, he looked okay to me. ElijahJay: I true I was gonna say people would probably be like, He's okay because that little dot is just moving. Dae: Mm. We know. Chloe: Yeah, it's moving. He's my stationery. ElijahJay: And I would dive into work as long as I was working, as long as I was being productive, I felt okay in a sense, but just d overload because I didn't want to deal with like figuring it out. And I feel like now that I'm okay with I feel like the beauty of it is being on the journey of figuring it out. Dae: Long zero. Chloe: Yeah. ElijahJay: Even like right now to this day, I may not truly know like the the full picture, but I'm okay not knowing now because I know that I'm I'm fine figuring it out and that's the fun part. I've I've been enjoying it now, but that was a very dark and very dark and trying time. Chloe: Trying time. Dae: Yeah. Chloe: That came that came up in my mind. Y'all ready? See, I I'll be sitting here thinking. Okay, what is something that you survived that you haven't fully healed from, but you know that you'll be okay? Dae: Girl, go away. On this way, go ahead. Who's on? Mm. ElijahJay: Mm. Dae: ⁓ we Chloe: Yeah. Then he got God placed that with himself. That was not on the script. Dae: Well Mm. Chloe: Ha ha ha. Somebody else needs to go first again. Keep this in. Dae: Cut this out. I think ⁓ hold on. We got stuff to do a little dab. Yes, I've been crying all day. Chloe: Do you have a towel? ElijahJay: Not a Kleenex, but a towel. Chloe: He said the queen is like good. Dae: 'Cause we need that cold compress. I think for me it's losing the closest thing I had to a sister. ⁓ wait. This isn't supposed to happen. ⁓ wait. ElijahJay: You are not about to get me, no way. Dae: Two Chloe: Right, he just told us he only cried when other people can start crying. Dae: Ha ha ha ha. ⁓ we're ⁓ ElijahJay: And well I say they are trying to come out and I am holding it. Chloe: Yeah, I'm over here pinching my leg. Lock it, lock it. Dae: But for me, I'm like being the oldest of two boys, like I love my brothers, but I was always like, ⁓ I wish I had a sister. And for the Lord to take her, the closest thing I have to a sister, it's like, ooh, we I'm gonna be okay. I don't know when, but I'm gonna be okay. Cut this out! ElijahJay: Yeah. Chloe: ⁓ wee. That's a good That's a good one. Mm. Dae: It is National Sickle Cell Awareness Month, so Whatever. Do that. Chloe: Yes. mm Dae: No it's not ⁓ mm, yeah. Chloe: Yes, it is. Dae: Yes, it is. ⁓ Chloe: Hm. It says looking at each other like okay. Dae: Cry, so Chloe: I'll go, I'll go. ⁓ I don't know if this ⁓ my heart is beating out of my chest. I don't know if I can consider this situation still active. The Lord has been kind. But I think the past like I don't even know how long it's been. Like eight to nine months of my life, having to survive Dae: Ha ha ha Chloe: Mm-hmm. Dae: I'm finna cry. Chloe: Having to survive not having two people in your life that you thought would be there forever. ⁓ And this is these are people like this is the man I thought I was gonna marry, and then the friend that I thought you're gonna be my maid of honor, my children are gonna be your godchildren. And to lose them, because they're not dead. Let's clarify that. They're not dead. Very much breathing. I hope they are alive and well. But to lose them back to back, and I think, and I you know we're on the pot. We are on the pot. And it's it's it was more so losing the friendship. Cause you you understand, you have an idea that love, it ends. It goes away, it comes and goes. But to lose, like, that was like my right hand man. And for that person to do what they did to me, like you changed my entire outlook on trust, on love, on friendship, and and even to know like there are days that I might, you know, miss you a little bit. Dae: But she she gets up and she charges that phone. Chloe: And I charged that phone and I haven't fully healed from that aspect of the situation. Like I might not never heal from that. You know I might just have to take that one to the chin. ⁓ very trying time. Don't have friends. Have two. Dae: You will. Y we ElijahJay: You definitely will. But but that's a lot. Like you said, you're truly grieving someone who's not who's not dead. Chloe: Yeah. ElijahJay: And to constantly have to think like it this is Dae: ⁓ wait. Chloe: Yeah. Dae: I think I just want to say Chloe: Actually cut can y'all cut that out? That was just me talking to y'all. Don't don't put that in the pot. Nobody they w neither one of them will ever feel like that they get a time of that. Moving right along. Dae: Cut what out. Cut what out. You wanna cut the whole segment out? ElijahJay: She's the afternoon. Dae: Perfect. ElijahJay: I thought I don't have to go. Dae: Now they're gonna say, why they face ring? Mm-hmm. Chloe: And see that question was not in the script, so it's okay. Dae: Okay. Now I'm sitting over here looking like Pinocchio for Nick. Him too. Chloe: Rudolph the red nose, friend. ElijahJay: You know, when she hit one of these, it's over with. Chloe: Can't get them tears on them. Well, you know them fashion glasses anyway, so They just for me They just for being cute. Dae: Take them off. Hold on now, don't be don't put my business on the pie. If a if a glasses brand or a contact lands brand wanna sponsor me, Chloe: Y'all she they actually don't make contacts for her prescription. Go ahead and tell them tell them tell them what your prescription is. Dae: I promise I can't see what I promise I cannot see without them. Chloe: It it starts with negative what number? ⁓ mine starts negative two. Dae: Zero Cannot see. I think it's actually plus. Plus zero. What the plus and the negative mean? They didn't teach. Chloe: Are you fear? F plus me is far sided. Negative means near sided. Dae: I think it's a little plus. Chloe: So you can't see up close. So you near sight. Leave it to the optometrist. Okay. Dae: Mm-mm. See they don't teach you that in medical school. ElijahJay: All right, y'all, so Chloe has definitely tried to get us all balling in this episode. Chloe: Sherlin, I do my best. Utilize my journalism skills. ElijahJay: ⁓ I I can't I truly can't even say that this game is gonna be lighthearted, but we're gonna try. We're gonna try to switch it on up. Dae: We're gonna try to play again. ElijahJay: So we're gonna play I'm fine or I'm lying. Chloe: Explain the rules. What I need to do, brother. What I need to do. ElijahJay: So basically each person or scratch this. Do y'all wanna do each person give a scenario or are only one of us giving a scenario? Dae: You you do the scenario. ElijahJay: Alright. So basically I'm just gonna give a scenario and we all will just chime in on whether we're fine or we're lying. Okay? And then at the end, we all will have a question and you have to seriously answer that one. So that one is called Okay, but seriously. And then, you know. So let's start with the Chloe: Mm. Y'all see me chewing, I'm just eating some candy. Y'all see me chewing, I'm just eating some candy. Dae: That ain't no free promo. Hehehehe ElijahJay: Alright, y'all ready? Chloe: We ready, brethren. Dae: Leave some. ElijahJay: All right, so if you say it is what it is. Are you fine or are you lying? Dae: I ain't get the pins. Let's go with Yeah, I'm like I'm fine. Chloe: Truly, I think I'm fine though. Yeah, it is what it is. Yeah. ElijahJay: Truly, I'm fine. You say I'm just tired every time every time someone asks what's wrong. Chloe: I'm lying, please come check on me. Boldface lie. Dae: I'm lying. I'm lying. ElijahJay: You start posting inspirational quotes every morning. Chloe: Fine. Dae: I'm being kidnapped. I just kidding. I'm fine. ElijahJay: I would say I'm fine. Yeah, I would have no activity on social media if I was, you know. Dae: Inspirational quotes. Chloe: Mm. ElijahJay: You stop answering calls, but respond, My bad, I've been busy. Dae: I am not okay. I'm lying. Chloe: I think I'm fine. I just genuinely don't want to talk. But not because nothing wrong. I just don't want to talk to you or into or to anybody. ElijahJay: Same. I say I'm fine. That's a regular for me. Chloe: Yeah, I'm fine. We know. Well, if you don't answer after they call twice. Okay. I'm glad to be in the number. Dae: Mm-mm. If I don't answer Well ⁓ no, I don't have that feature. Only you can call twice. If I if I don't call you back. ⁓ You and DeMarca can call to Mark. ElijahJay: Okay. You say God got me, but haven't told a single person what you're dealing with. Chloe: I'm fine. 'Cause I'm resting in the fact that God has me. ElijahJay: Mm. Dae: I'm fine. ElijahJay: You start saying, I'm protecting my peace about literally everything. Chloe: I'm not okay 'cause that's nothing I would never I would never say that. I actually hate that saying. Dae: I'm not okay. I'm gonna say 'Cause peace is not yours to protect. Chloe: ⁓ ElijahJay: You randomly clean your entire house at midnight. I'm not okay. Dae: ⁓ I'm fine. I do that on the regular Chloe: I manic. Dae: Wait, what'd you say, Claude? no, I'm fine. Sometimes. Wait, and cause I I'll randomly be sitting in bed at 10 p.m. be like, ⁓ my gosh, I'm gonna get my life together, gonna go to the gym, wake up at 2 o'clock the next day, 2 p.m. ⁓ Chloe: Manic. ElijahJay: I'm actually trying to occupy my time. Chloe: dating w flu boo, flu boo, flu bo. ElijahJay: ⁓ this is a good one. You dis you disappear and disengage from the group chat but keep sending TikToks. Chloe: Sometimes I really just don't want to talk. ElijahJay: But you gonna send me a good laugh, a good TikTok. Chloe: I'm gonna make that's my safe space. Dae: Mm, I'm fine. I just I thought the scenario was specific to somebody. Go ahead. No back. Chloe: No team, no shade. ElijahJay: You get a new You get a new hairstyle, new wardrobe, new gym membership and delete somebody from every social media platform in the same way. Dae: Talk about who? Is this written down? Is he coming up with these? They seem oddly specific. ElijahJay: Yeah. Chloe: Y'all know mine is. ElijahJay: Yeah. Dae: Yeah That's how soon is he writing these these off the dome I done see that ElijahJay: I promise it's right here. Chloe: I am not okay. Looks different. Dae: ⁓ my goodness. I'm okay. I'm fine. ElijahJay: Okay. Chloe: ⁓ wee. ElijahJay: Well, I'm glad y'all were able to laugh a little bit. For our last round, of course, like I said, you this time you have to listen to the question and your answer will start with okay, but seriously, and then answer the question. Chloe. Chloe: Please check on me. Dae: It's straight my out here. ElijahJay: What's something you do when you're overwhelmed that people might mistake for you being okay? Chloe: When I'm overwhelmed, but people might think I'm okay. Okay, but seriously, I become insanely productive. Like I don't allow myself to sit in what's overwhelming me. You go put your focus on something else. So when y'all see content and back to back to back, and I'm posting my scriptures back to back. Not to say that I don't do these things, but when it's Dae: Yeah. Chloe: overly consistent or you see about ten times a day, please come quick. ElijahJay: That's good. That's good. Okay, Dave, what's one sentence you say when you're actually asking for help without saying, I need help? Dae: Y'all want a quick story? Patreon, tell a story, Patreon. Okay. ⁓ a sentence that I say when I'm not okay. Chloe: Cut that out. Patreon, Patreon, Patreon. Dae: Don't be like I'm not okay. Today was the day. ElijahJay: Truly. Chloe: Today was it? Mm-hmm. Dae: Today was a day, it's probably my gut to or this was a week. Chloe: Truly. So who gonna ask you your question? ElijahJay: Okay. I can ask it. Or unless y'all wanna scroll. It's in the same one. Chloe: You can ask your yeah, I'll ask that question. Yeah. Dae: ⁓ Elijah. ElijahJay: It says Elijah if y'all go to the notes. Dae: ⁓ huh. I see it. Would you c Elijah, you're on the stand would you call tonight and tell the Chloe: Mm-hmm. Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so hope God. Dae: He's been a laugh. ElijahJay: Yeah. Dae: Would you call? No. Mm mm. Who could you call who could you call tonight and tell the complete truth if you were not okay? Chloe: 'Cause you keep saying wood. I'm like ElijahJay: Man above. No, but seriously, if I had to call someone tonight, it would be my brother. Chloe: Jesus is on the main. That's so beautiful. Dae: That's good. ElijahJay: So that's a fair Or Joshua, I'm sorry. Dae: Yes. Chloe: Hm, not fat. Dae: 'Cause I I wouldn't expect now now he's on the ride ready to beat all of us up. ElijahJay: But yeah, I d I definitely feel like I caught And he gone. Chloe: He gonna make it do what it do for you. ElijahJay: He gonna make it do what it do. He gonna pull out that Bible. Even when I don't want that. Chloe: Mm. Dae: That's good. That's how it'd be. But truly, one thing I've learned is that not being okay is information and not identity. Whether there's something that you need to fix, something, someone you need to go talk to, etc. etc. All the things. If somebody listening right now is not genuinely okay, what would you tell them? Or what would you want them to hear before this episode ends? Chloe: Mmm, that's a good distinction because what I would spend to tell them versus what I would want them to hear are two totally different things. ElijahJay: Yeah. Dae: ⁓ That's that English. You gotta be real specific when talking to Chloe. Please Chloe: And I mean to the T. Cause truly my mind went two separate ways. ⁓ Dae: She would tell them, get up. Chloe: Certainly, the Lord will fight for you. Please only keep your peace. ElijahJay: Mm. Dae: What do you want of me here, sister? Mm-hmm. Chloe: That you are loved and you are needed. And not only are you needed, because I I feel like needed puts so much pressure on it, but you're wanted. Like people want people want you around. ⁓ seek wise counsel, seek help. There it's hard, but there's somebody out there who is willing to listen, even if they don't have the answers, they're willing to listen. Don't give up on God because He won't give up on you. Dae: 'Cause he won't give up on Chloe: And allow God to show himself true. This is Chloe talking to Chloe. But these are some things I've had to self tell myself. Don't give up on God allowing you, allowing you, allowing you to see what he's capable of. Dae: Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Chloe: Keep going. ElijahJay: I want you all to hear that I love you, we love you, you are special, you are kind, you are beautiful, and truly. Dae: Elijah. ElijahJay: Take take up their space like nobody can be you. And it it's gonna get better. It is better. You just, you know. Chloe: Mm. Sooner or later. Dae: So they shall turn it. ElijahJay: Like they said, just keep allowing God to do what he does. Dae: Allow God to be God. Chloe: Mm. Let him have his way. Are we about to go to church? ElijahJay: I was gonna say, take the wheel take take your hand off the wheel. Just sit in the passenger seat. I would say, right, not even the passenger. Get in the bag. Chloe: Get in the back seat. Mm-hmm. Dae: And let God be God. Chloe: in the back. That's in the trunk. Dae: Put yourself in the trunk. In the trunk. Actually, you get out and walk, let him dry. Let him go and set the way. ⁓ I think for me, two things. One, people's lives are better because you're here. ⁓ and for the people going through identity things. Chloe: You walk by the car. Trail some feet behind. Let him lead you. ElijahJay: Eska. Chloe: Mm. Dae: Reflect on who God word tells you you are and who he is. ElijahJay: Mm. Chloe: Mm. Dae: If if God don't say that about you, it ain't true. Cause the enemy will get in our heads and convince us of so many things. And truly you are what the Lord says that you are. Chloe: Mm. Hmm. Dae: Amy. Chloe: And if y'all want to hear the answer to the question of will something you survive, subscribe to the Patreon. We're going to put the whole clip in there. Dae: Anything. ⁓ what was the question that I got asked? What's something I say when I'm not okay? I do have If y'all have any other questions or things to say, please leave them in the comments below. Chloe: Yes. ⁓ Well, she gonna put that in she's gonna put that in there as well. ElijahJay: Please do. We we wanna hear from y'all, like honestly. Chloe: Yes. Dae: And even if you're not okay, maybe you'll find community in the comments. Chloe: ⁓ yeah, make a friend. Make a friend in the comment. Dae: Make a friend. And that's what I was gonna say. Community doesn't always come from people you know. Might be a stranger that speaks life from T. Well, you're not okay. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Can I Speak. We hope you enjoyed something, learned something, took something away. Hope it stimulated your mind. Be sure to like, comment, and subscribe. Be sure to like, comment, and subscribe on all platforms. Be sure to follow us on social media at Can I Speak Media and our individual platforms. Love ya. ElijahJay: Surely. Chloe: Mm. Until next time.