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You cannot fix a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on beautiful people?
• 0:01
  Welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
• 0:04
  I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist Mr. Lee Hammett,
• 0:07
  better known as mental illness across all social media
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  platforms. This is the first time seeing my
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  face or hearing my lovely voice. I'm a clinically diagnosed
• 0:14
  narcissist and I use my platform on social media to raise
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  awareness for NPD, get more people in the therapy like
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  myself, and also validate the victim survivors.
• 0:21
  Any thrivers of said disorder said talk to people.
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  Said talk to traits. Today's episode is going to be
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  about how you cannot fix a narcissist.
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  You cannot do it. Y'all.
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  You don't have the power to fix the narcissist.
• 0:35
  So before we happen to today's episode, y'all check out the new
• 0:38
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• 0:42
  Because we know the impact is more important than the intent.
• 0:45
  You might intend to do something good, but your impact, Your
• 0:48
  impact. Impact over intent. yo-yo yo.
• 0:52
  It's available in a self love shop from I Love Me brand.
• 0:55
  But yeah, yeah, so there. That's it right there.
• 0:59
  Y'all. You cannot fix a narcissist.
• 1:01
  I say this all the time. I know people because this is
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  this. This is kind of in response to a
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  lot of people asking me like I get the question all the time.
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  Y'all like late. What about you?
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  You were in therapy. You do this, but you?
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  You back. You were back with your wife.
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  You are there for your kids. You you you you.
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  Yeah, yeah. You you you you you sound like
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  the Usher song. You remind me of a girl.
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  Dad, I once knew you You you see what I'm saying?
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  But that's how it goes though. Y'all you y'all see.
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  You say me, you say me. But yes, I'm in work.
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  I'm working on myself. My journey, my self-awareness
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  journey, my self love journey, my self healing journey or my
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  working on myself journey is about me.
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  My wife did not fix me. Everybody's like, I want your
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  wife's perspective because I want to see what she's what.
• 1:51
  How do y'all make it work? I want to see what she does and
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  what she said. Yeah, you cannot fix a
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  narcissist. You can't.
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  They have to want to do it themselves.
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  They have to want to go put the work in themselves.
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  They have to want to go talk to a therapist.
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  They will have to go. They have to want to go do all
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  this stuff for themselves. You can't do it.
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  Y'all. You can't force them to go.
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  You can't give them ultimatum. You can't, can't, can't like it
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  can't. You cannot fix them.
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  I know you want to fix them. I know y'all.
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  Some people see my page and get hope that the person in their
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  life can change and be better and things of their nature.
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  Y'all. That your person needs to find
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  this on their own and decide that they want to go get help
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  for themselves. Yeah.
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  I have a whole series on my YouTube channel called Selfaware
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  Narcissist Sundays and it's about my therapy, joining what I
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  do, how I work on myself outside of, inside and outside of the
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  therapist chair. So I tell people all the time
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  about my You cannot do it. Y'all.
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  You don't have the power. And whether a narcissistic
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  person decides to go get help or not is really not about you.
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  Let me say that again. Whether a narcissistic person
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  decides to go get help or not is really not about you.
• 3:02
  It's just not y'all. It's more about ourselves.
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  It's more about more about us and our ego and like it's our
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  egos preventing us from admitting that something is
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  going on and actually wanting to go put the work in as opposed to
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  trying to change the people around us.
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  We try to change our environments.
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  Y'all to make we try to change our environments.
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  We can make it more suitable for us.
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  And by environments, I mean our relationship spaces.
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  We try to change our relationship spaces to make it
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  more suitable, suitable for us. So our relationships are a
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  product of our, you know, our our relationships are a product
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  of us. You say, I want to tell people
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  I'm like, y'all, you can't fix that person I know you want.
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  I know you love them, you care about them, some of y'all don't
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  love them and you don't care about them anymore.
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  Or you might care about them. I don't think you love them
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  anymore. You just try to bond it or
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  you're addicted to them. And whatnot.
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  I truly believe that a lot of y'all fall into the category,
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  but you don't really love the person anymore.
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  You're just trauma bonded to them.
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  Because love shouldn't feel this way.
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  You may. Love shouldn't feel the way that
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  it feels right now in your relationship space with the
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  inside your relationship. That it's just shit.
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  Love should not feel that way. Let's just say it like that in
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  this space. Love should not hurt.
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  Love should know what. Love is kind, Love is caring,
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  Love is love ain't this. Love ain't what you're in right
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  now. You know what I mean?
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  Some of you all just are not in love anymore.
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  You think you love the person because you you feel you have
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  these these deep feelings that you feel like you cannot let go.
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  But a lot of times I don't think you love the person.
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  Y'all That's just me speaking mentally right there.
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  But like I said, I want, I want to personally work on myself.
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  That narcissistic person in your life, talk to person.
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  Whoever they are, they have to want to go do it themselves.
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  But Lee, can we push them in the right direction?
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  Y'all the only way I feel like you can.
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  To coax a narcissist into seeing that there is an issue is you
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  have to paint it. You have to paint it.
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  Like I said, you have to paint a good picture it just like you
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  have to paint it. You have to make it sound like
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  narcissism isn't isn't a bad thing.
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  Like it's not villainized. Like you can be self aware and
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  have a personality disorder and be not be villainized in
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  society. People still villainize me like
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  I have personality disorder. I tell everybody I have a
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  personality disorder. I still get attacked.
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  I'm like yo how y'all? But I get it, you know?
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  But I said I want to work on me because I enjoy working to
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  myself. The only way a narcissist about,
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  like, you have to find, yeah, think about this, find a way to
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  paint it. You have to find a way to paint
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  it. Like it's like, it's a great
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  thing to have. Like, damn, I love this.
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  Imagine saying this to your partner like you're so
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  narcissistic, like, and I love that about you.
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  Imagine saying that to your partner, like, literally.
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  Imagine saying it to your partner right there.
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  I love that you're so narcissistic.
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  It's like, blows my mind how much I love it.
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  You say you go, Oh my goodness, yeah, a lot.
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  But I said this. This will happens a lot of times
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  when you touch relationship dynamics, but you have to paint
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  it with a good picture. My wife yelled and screamed it
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  at me. Y'all.
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  She didn't paint it in a good picture.
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  She didn't paint it in a good light.
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  She said it's so hard living with a damn narcissist.
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  Like, how do you how is that right there?
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  How is that a good thing? She yelled it at me in a in a
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  very angry way because me and her were arguing.
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  You know what I mean? So, and I deserve to be Yoda in
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  that space. So and you know, I was yelling
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  to her, so it's just in that space, she told me it's hard to
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  live with a damn narcissist. So it wasn't like I was like, I
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  love being a narcissist, You know, narcissist is a slur
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  nowadays down there. Y'all what you said.
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  It's just like, you know, it's a different space to be in.
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  If I just tell a lot of people like you can't fix that for I
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  know you want to be there for him.
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  I know you wanted to just leave. What if they do decide to go to
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  therapy? And how long should we give
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  them? Yeah, there's no, there's no set
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  time limit. That's what I say.
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  It's such a dangerous thing. Should I stay or should read the
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  book? Should I stay or should I go by
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  Doctor Rahmani? That book can help you out a
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  lot. Y'all that book actually is a.
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  That's a very good book. Should I stay or should I go?
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  It's a very good book. It's by Doctor Rahmani.
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  The Versalone. That's how you say her last
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  night. I don't have it in front of me.
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  I couldn't. I could pronounce it if it had
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  it in front of me. But.
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  Should I say or should I go? That book will help bring you a
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  lot of clarity or whether or not you should wait around for this
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  person. Like I always ask people like
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  What has this person done in the past to show you that they're
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  consistent with anything other than being what have they done
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  to show you in the past that they are able to be consistent
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  with anything? Think about it.
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  What have they done in the past to show you not other than
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  consistently abusive and consistently toxic, What have
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  they done in the past that benefits you that they've been
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  consistent with? That benefits you that they
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  don't take credit for. Like I I work a job and pay all
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  the bills. That's consistent.
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  No, that's not. That's y'all that benefits them.
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  You know what I'm saying? What have you done to benefit
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  you? What have they followed through
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  with? That is not what have they
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  followed through with in their life in on a consistent basis
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  That is not toxic, that is not detrimental to existence.
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  I was just, that's what I'm saying.
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  Y'all. You have to ask yourself so many
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  questions because you don't have the ability to fix it.
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  You don't have the tools to fix a narcissistic person, and most
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  therapists don't. You have to find a specialized
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  therapist to work with a narcissistic person.
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  If you're a narcissist watching this, you have to find a
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  specialized person. I had, yeah, I went on
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  psychologytoday.com and found and searched by narcissistic
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  personalized disorder and found people who specialize in this,
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  their top specialty. You know, that's how I found my
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  therapist. Top specialty.
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  Was narcissist the person I disordered?
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  That's probably what. That's probably what I talk
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  about on Selfaware Sundays. Top specialty, Top specialty.
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  So for Sundays would be about how I felt my therapist in PD
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  self over in Sunday. So so for Sunday would be about
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  how I found my therapist. You can't fix them.
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  Y'all, They have to wonder to put the work in themselves.
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  They have to be willing to be open, honest and vulnerable.
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  They have to be able to trust the therapist and trust
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  themselves to be open, honest and vulnerable.
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  Y'all. Be my job.
• 8:38
  I don't know if you'll notice I'm the hotel room in Knoxville
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  TN for the next few days. I they have a project here but
• 8:44
  so they have to them in like and subscribe for more and always
• 8:47
  always the turn. This is that peace.
• 8:50
  What is going on beautiful people, Thank you so much for
• 8:53
  making it to the end of my video.
• 8:54
  Watching it all way through y'all.
• 8:56
  If you haven't already go ahead go ahead and hit that subscribe
• 8:59
  button. Y'all turn on notification so
• 9:01
  you don't miss the video and what not and so we can help
• 9:03
  reach more people. Like I said in the beginning,
• 9:05
  the self love brand is available.
• 9:07
  I have a self love journal that's available on Amazon as
• 9:10
  well to help you rebuild that self love Lee Hammock.
• 9:12
  I love me on Amazon and what not.
• 9:15
  Also do one on ones over zoom and such as well.
• 9:18
  Y'all like and subscribe for more but to whom this is out.
• 9:20
  Okay.