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EP082: The Secret Triangle · Unpause Your Life

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You are listening to Unpause your Life with doctor cally Es Says and Master Coach
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Jenny Fontana, founders of the Life Coach Method. Each one of our uplifting
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and deep dive episodes is geared to help you tackle the things that hold you
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back from having the most magnificent life you deserve. Sit back, relax,
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and prepare to be coached. Hey everyone, Doctor cali estis with Unpause Yourlife
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dot com and the Addiction Coach Online. Hey, creator so rundemand and the
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Addiction's Academy. I've got a secret for you today that I want to talk
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about, which is the crux of the Life Coach method that my sister Jenny
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Fontana and I have created. And it is a short fire way to make
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anything happen. So get a pen, get a piece of paper, and
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write this down. I'll wait, No, really, get a pen,
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a piece of paper. This is really good And no, you can't write
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it on your phone. So here's what I want you to do. I
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want you to draw a triangle, just a triangle, on your paper,
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and I want you to think about any life adventure you've encounter, work,
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kids, stress, whatever have you. At the top left hand corner of
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your triangle. On the outside, I want you to write circumstance, circumstance,
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anything having it come into work early, the kids forgot their homework,
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the husband wants to know what's for dinner, whatever, circumstance. Now the
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pinnacle of your triangle, the very very top. I want you to write
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the word feeling, So feeling at the pinnacle top of your triangle. And
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at the bottom left hand corner of your triangle, I want you to write
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the word thought. But thoughts pop into your head all the time. Right,
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I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm lonely, I'm bored. This sucks.
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That's a thought or is it right? Thought? And in the bottom
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right hand corner, I want you to write action, action and action is
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what you do. Right, So you have circumstance off to the left,
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a feeling at the top of your triangle, thought bottom left, action,
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bottom right. And then on the far right side, I want you to
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write outcome or consequence. Outcome or consequence. So let's roll it. A
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circumstance leads to a feeling, right, something in your life happens and you
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have a feeling that leads to a thought which leads to an action, which
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leads to an outcome or consequence, depending on what your action step is.
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So let's do something very simple. First circumstance, my husband left the cap
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off the toothpaste. Feeling I am irritated. Thought, I'm gonna go yell
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at him. Action, I yell at my husband. Consequence, he doesn't
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speak to me for two days. That's a scenario, right, Let's run
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it a little differently. Circumstance my husband left the cap off the toothpaste.
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Feeling I'm irritated. Thought, I really love him, and in the broad
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scheme of things, the cap on the toothpaste really isn't that big of a
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deal. Action, I'll put it on myself. Outcome, We're going to
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dinner and having a good time. So you cannot change the circumstance. You
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cannot change your feeling around the circumstance. What you can change is your thought.
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If you change your thought, you change your action. Now, if
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you're esoteric or empathic or ethereal, or you believe in energy and a law
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of attraction, that thought has a lot of freaking power. That thought dictates
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the next two steps and how your life travels. So you can take this
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very simple triangle and do it with very big things. Let's do something big.
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Circumstance I lost my job feeling, Oh shit, how am I gonna
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pay the rent? Everything is falling apart, I'm gonna be evicted, I'm
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gonna lose my house. Blah blah blah. These are feelings. I'm sad,
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right, I'm sorry. Those are thoughts. Feeling Oh my god,
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panic thoughts negative negative, negative, negative, Right, watch it again.
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Circumstance I lost my job feeling, oh shit, thought, I'm gonna be
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homeless, I'm gonna lose my car. What am I gonna do now?
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Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Those thoughts have power. You
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have now created negative thought process and put your brain in survival mode, which
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is the back half of your brain that has now become everything. Your actions
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now will come from the negative thought pattern, so your actions will be negative.
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They will be impactful. So instead of going from the feeling to the
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thought, you have to stop and say, what's the feeling? Oh shit,
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this is bad, right thought. Hang on a second, I'm gonna
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cancel. Cancel that negative thought. That's some Jose Silver work for you.
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Cancel Cancel that negative thought. Right, So, feeling oh shit, negative
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thought. Oh my god, I'm gonna lose my car, I'm gonna lose
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the house. What am I gonna do? This is awful? Cancel,
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Cancel all of it. Switch your thought new thought. I'm gonna get a
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better job. I'm gonna get a better job that pays twice as much,
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or ten times as much, or twenty times as much, whatever's realistic for
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you. It could even be ten dollars more. It's going to pay more
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than what I have now, and I'm going to be happier. That's the
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new thought, and it can be any thought. Maybe I'll start my own
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company. New thought. Now, what's your action? Different? Action step,
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isn't it because if your consequence is coming out the back end, it's
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either going to be negative or positive. Outcomes and consequences can be negative or
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positive. A negative consequence would be what I lost my job feeling as oh
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shit, thought, everything's falling apart. Action step. I'm gonna sell everything
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I own because I don't know what to do. Action step, I've lost
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everything and still have no job. However, if I change that thought pattern
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into all the possibilities of action, it changes everything. In my last podcast,
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I talked about how to manifest, and I said, it's not just
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intention. You see a lot of TikTokers and pop psychology and parapsychology people going
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oh my god. I just sat there and went, I cannot wait to
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have more money, and it just flew to me like a big magnet.
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Yeah, that's about thirty percent of what you need to do. That's not
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how it works exactly. So it's the intent first, followed by gratitude for
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what you have, followed by action. A lot of people miss the second
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and third step. They're not grateful for what they have and they do not
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create an action plan. So in this triangle, it's important we do the
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action step or we're not going to have the outcome. So circumstance I lost
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my job feeling oh shit, thought you know what, I'm going to get
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a better job, better working conditions, more pay, more benefits, or
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I'm going to start that company. Your action step is completely different than it
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would be if you threw in the towel and said I can't do this,
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life's over. Completely different. That action step comes off the thought pattern.
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Now what happens is people will get caught up in the negative thought, and
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they will say, okay, I have this negative thought and they call it
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a ruminating thought. Right, it's always in my head something bad is gonna
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happen, something bad is gonna happen, something bad is gonna happen. And
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then you know what, something bad happens and they say, look, I
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told you that something bad was gonna happen. That is called a self fulfilling
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prophecy. So basically you created that nonsense that got created and born out of
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fear. So the feeling can be oh shit, panic, but the thought
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cannot be fearful. The thought has to be I got this, I'm gonna
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do this, and this is how I'm gonna do it. This is my
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action plan followed by action steps actually happening. So that's how this works.
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You can change anything. You have the ability to create anything. A lot
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of people don't think that way. They say, oh, my goodness,
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I work a nine to five, I go to work every day. This
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is all I have, this is all I'm going to do. I'm average.
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And I say, well, if you think your average, your average,
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But if you don't think your average, guess what your action step will
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be completely different. If your thought is I'm average, I'm happy with my
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job, I'm happy with my husband, and I'm okay not making money,
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and I don't want to travel and I don't want to do those things,
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then your action steps will reflect that. But you've heard the term hustle.
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Hustle comes from I can do more thought followed by an action of watch me
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do it. That's why people who are in the top one percent my clients,
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the top performers, are completely different than you. They are different because
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their thought is I'm unstoppable. It doesn't necessarily mean they have more money and
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more resources. I work with clients that had no money that started a company.
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I had six companies. I started all six with less than three hundred
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bucks in my bank account. I made six, seven and eight figures.
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Why my thought patterns are different. I didn't come from money. My parents
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were poor. My father never graduated high school, my stepfather never graduated high
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school, and my mother had this same job right out of high school in
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the film file room, filing film for the hospital. They had no resources,
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they never left the town they were born in. They didn't pay for
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my college education. Say here's your car, or hey, here, let's
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meet some people that have money. So you learn I literally had nothing when
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I packed my car up and left at nineteen. So how is that possible?
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It's possible. Not because of luck, It's possible because of thought pattern.
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I've been homeless twice, and my thought pattern has been how am I
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going to make this better? Am I going to get out of this?
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My circumstances, I lost everything in a fire and I lost my company in
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two thousand and eight the economic downturn, my feeling was, oh shit,
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I lost all my cars, lost all my houses, I lost my bank
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account, I lost my company. Everything. Here I am in a house
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with no running water, no heat, in Philadelphia in winter, with nothing.
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Thought how am I going to rebound? What does this look like?
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What new company can I create? How do I get out of this situation?
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Followed by action. Let's put an LLC together, Let's put a website
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together, let's start marketing, let's figure it out. That's the difference.
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If you want to be successful at anything in life, you have to change
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your thought. Your feeling is completely valid. So when you have a feeling,
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whether it's sadness, happiness, anger, joy, frustration, say to
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yourself. Your feeling is valid, you have a right to feel this way,
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but your thought is the difference. What your next thought is changes the
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game. If your thought is I can't handle this, I'm overwhelmed, I'm
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gonna get high, your action is getting high. Your outcome is you're high.
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You're now a drug addict. Congratulations. If your thought is I'm gonna
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lay in bed because I'm depressed. I can't handle this. Your action is
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laying in bed you get nothing done. Your outcome is nothing gets done and
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it gets worse. Congratulations. Your feeling is valid. Your thought is what
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you change. So I teach this in the Life Coach method. I also
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teach this in the Coach Me courses on a Pause your Life when we do
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the deep dives and how to restructure your brain. You literally have to change
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everything you think to become successful. Every time a negative thought enters your head,
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say cancel, cancel. That's Jose Silva, it's amazing stuff. Negative
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thought, I can't do it. Cancel cancel, Yes I can. Negative
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thought. Someone else is going to tell me that I can't have this.
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Cancel cancel, Yes I can. And if you're looking at somebody for a
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specific thing like, let's say you're applying for a job and you go in
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you don't get hired. That's okay, don't throw the towel in and go,
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oh my god, no one wants to hire me. Stop and think
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what else can I do? How can I think outside the box? What
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are my other options? What things can be done as opposed to what's happening
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right here? That's what you want to do. That's where people fail.
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They don't think outside the box. They don't think what other options do I
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have? Why am I stuck in this situation? You're never stuck in a
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situation. That's my big thing. I've always said, You're never stuck.
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All you have to do is think your way out of the situation. What
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does that mean. It means you don't panic or panic, let it roll,
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and then get into thought process. That's all you have to do.
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That's where people get stuck. They're not thinking clearly. They're coming from a
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point of survival, which is the back of the brain. You cannot create
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when the back of your brain is in survival mode, especially if you're barely
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making it paying the bill. So if you're running to work, putting in
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a full day running to the grocery store, coming home, picking up the
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kids, making dinner, feeding the dog, walking the dog, cleaning the
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house, going to bed, and doing it again. You're in survival mode.
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You're not going to create from survival mode. You can't. Your brain
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won't allow it. You have to have a clear headed brain to do that.
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That takes time, that takes energy, that takes effort, and that
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takes clarity. But you can't do that from a point of survival. You
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have to literally have somebody help you get out of survival mode or change the
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thought. How am I going to make this better? How can I make
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this easier? What are my options? What options do I have to make
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things change? What thoughts can I think? And if you don't have options,
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thoughts are ways around what you have? How does it work? What
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can I do? What are my options? What can I think about that
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will change things? This is where you can get with somebody else and bounce
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ideas. Here's where I'm stuck. What do you think? And get people
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to give you ideas on what you're stuck in? Where am I stuck?
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What's the problem? How do I get around it? That's the thought.
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Big corporations have think tanks, and in that think tank, it's all thought,
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Here is our circumstance, Here is what we need to figure out.
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Then we think, then we roll ideas. That is the triangle. Then
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we take action, and then we have an outcome. It's that simple.
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So try using this the next time you're stuck on something or have a problem,
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or something comes into your life and you go, oh crap, I
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feel weird about that. What's my thought? How am I gonna do this?
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How am I gonna make this play successful? And roll it? So
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remember, circumstance leads to a feeling. Feelings are valid Validate your feelings.
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I have a right to be pissed off. Absolutely thought, I'm gonna do
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this action actually doing that thing, and that changes everything. That changes your
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outcome and your consequence. Start doing that. Check out the life coach method
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on unpausurelife dot com. Check out coach me and certify me. These are
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things I teach. If you want to learn for yourself or you want to
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help others learn and be able to offer services such as coaching and law of
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attraction for your clients and make money helping other people. I can teach you
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how to do this and it's on unpausurelife dot com, so if you have
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any questions, reach out and start using this. Thank you for listening to
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Unpause your Life with doctor Kelli Estez and Master Coach Jenny Fontana. Head over
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to www dot The Life Coach method dot com to learn more about coaching yourself
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and how to become a Master Coach