Latest / 8 Years To Live / I Can’t Let This Define Me | Overcoming Our Mistakes
Transcript
- Collen: Every person has a story. Some shape us, some break us, and some help us heal. Join Sisters Kim and Bibi as they explore mental health, trauma, relationships, and personal growth through honest conversations, lived experiences, and professional insights. Because understanding your story can change the way you live it. This is Eight Years to Live. I have gone into a coma. I would just say. Mario Shriver. Yes. Yes. Why do we have so many nicknames for each other? It's a good question. Because medical trauma is one of the most under recognized forms of trauma. Who are you gonna talk to when I die? He's already telling you you've got eight years slip. My name is Kim. I am a marriage and family therapist intern and this is my sister Bibi. Hi, I'm Bibi and I have no idea how I've introduced myself before. So I guess you'll get a different Bibi every time. I am so I call Kim Mao. So if I say Mao, that's the same person. And I am I guess a co host. That's what I'll say today. Awesome. Yeah, in the past you've also said that you're a poshmarker. I am a poshmarker. That is true. I sell pre-owned clothing on Poshmark. Awesome. I ⁓ just want to tell you that we have a surprise today. Even though I've loved exploring your story, BB, and exploring your colorful past. Today we have a surprise guest who has a really interesting life and he's been in my life for Twenty five years. Wow. Dun dun dun. Who is this surprise guest? Our guest, his name is Jonathan. Like I said, I've known him for twenty five years. I met him when he was, I think, fifteen, maybe fourteen. We'll get to those details here in a minute. And ⁓ today, just for privacy, he ⁓ has chosen not to show his face, but he's gonna be open about something really big that happened to him today. Awesome. I'm so glad you're here, Jonathan. Even though I can't see your face, I love knowing that you're there and that I'll get to hear your voice, which I haven't heard in a long time. So I also met Jonathan, probably around the same time you did, ⁓ which would have made me gosh, I don't know, maybe seventeen, eighteen years old. I don't remember exactly. I just know I was a teenager. And Immediately when I think Jonathan, I think of how much you've impacted my life. ⁓ my gosh, I just got so emotional. I just look back on that time and I don't think I've ever I ever told you Jonathan that ⁓ you and Billy just meant so much to me that summer whatever I spent with you guys. So I'm so glad to be here with you. Yeah, and Jonathan has been like a son. I've considered him like a son. ⁓ you tell me, Jonathan, how do you know us and what's your relationship like? I'm much when I was fifteen and I I don't know, you were just always there for me every time I needed somebody to talk to. Even now after so many years, every time I have a problem, that's person I call and I I could feel like I could tell you everything and you don't judge me, you just give me advice. Even though when I'm wrong you tell me how it is and I like that. And I don't know if you have when I brought my daughter last time you practically told me to be quiet, listen. And nobody ever tells me man. So she's like, Listen, you don't have to talk all over and you know, if I was with alone with my daughter, I wouldn't let her talk, I would just s speak right up above her and she told me you gotta listen to her too, she has feelings that you know, and shows me that even though She knows me. She knew I was wrong. So she put me in my place and I like that. I'll remember that for next time. ⁓ yeah, you're right, you're the parent but no, she taught me I was wrong. Even though I felt like I was right and she yeah, it just she tells me how it is. Did it work out with your daughter? Yeah, it worked out, yeah. And I I you know, she has feelings and emotions and something that I Did I probably knew a little bit about it but I didn't ever you never I never got explained the way you explained it to me, like the whole thing with the box and the feelings that was something new to me. That you know, so it was a good lesson, I think for both of us. And I could say that I mean I haven't I haven't it's been years since she kissed me. and hugged me and I ⁓ this week I got a kiss from her. ⁓ my gosh. She got to the couch and gave me a kiss and and last time too when I dropped out at her mom's house she gave me a kiss. And I haven't felt that from her in a long time. And that meant like ⁓ wow she's getting we're getting back close. Yeah. To when she was younger, you know, when I was when she was younger she was I meant a lot to her. And lately From the day she said I'm not close we were there, she's like I I haven't been close to you in years, I've been close to my mom. But now it's like, yeah, it's been different. I feel like she's getting closer and yeah. Even last time she's a girl though, but she likes to we wrestled last time too. Yeah, so she's like, ⁓ I could beat you up all man. So it's been we've been playing around, so it's it's been different since the the meeting their the meeting we came. That's so awesome, that's good to hear. So it's it's been different. It's been changes. Yes. Yes. So how old is she, Jonathan? She's fifteen. Wow. ⁓ gosh. I I thought we were fifteen. Am I not twenty five still? Exactly. How do you have a fifteen year old when you are fifteen? Exactly. That's crazy. I didn't realize that she was fifteen, yes. I mean I knew but I didn't know. I actually have a twenty one. He was turned twenty one yesterday. Julie ⁓ my ⁓ my god. Wow. That's amazing. That's crazy. Yes. Mm-hmm. So that brings us to today. So today, so I'm gonna go back a little bit. So I got a DUI back in May and I ⁓ after the DUI ⁓ I had to turn on my truck because of ⁓ I worked because you know, obviously I a DY I can't drive a company truck no more, so I I they took my truck away and Did you come clean to them that you'd gotten a deal? Yes, I I actually I came clean the next ⁓ I got pulled over on Saturday. On Monday I told ⁓ Whenever it was like, ⁓ you shouldn't I ever said nothing. You might have wulda got away with it. Mm-hmm. But I told ⁓ got the so they took the truck away. And ever since that I I f feel like I got the motive that I worked too. Not only the truck but he promised me two jobs, so I've been ⁓ he gave it to someone else and then another job came up and it was supposed to be mine. I was gonna be the foreman, so again I got passed on. And then on top of that I got problems with my girlfriend and it's just been hard lately, you know, and r right now that I'm trying to make changes and trying to be better myself, I get knocked back down. So I been hard. I got the news today that so after the DY I got pulled over for speeding and he got me he cited me with revoke license, driving on a revoke license. So today I had to face that the issue. So when I went to court the judge practically didn't have no leniency on me. He he's like either you have a choice ninety days in or thirty days in jail or ninety days house arrest. So that that hurts. Yeah. So just to rewind a little bit, when you got your DUI in May of last year, they took your license away. Yes. They revoked your license. They didn't give you any jail time or anything. No. And so you knew that your license was revoked and you still kept driving because you had to go to work or Yes. And then you got a speeding ticket? Yes, a speeding ticket in December. That I didn't think I thought I was just gonna I c practically for the DUI I got slapped in the wrist. I didn't get no consequences out of it. Right. I just a nine hundred and ninety dollar fine, two classes and that's it. I and I was supposed to do community service but my lawyer said, ⁓ he works forty hours so I don't think he could do f he's not For him to do co for wow, community service is not convenient. And the judge agreed. He's like, Okay, he worked for the hours, that's fine. You don't gotta do community service. So that saved me a hundred twenty hours of community service. And this time they weren't lenient. He told me you obviously don't listen, so I'm gonna give you a lesson. So When's the last time you had gotten a speeding ticket? ⁓ well it's been years since I got a speeding ticket. So this escalated super fast. Super fast, yes. Because from May to December that's like seven months and then you go to court today. Yes. And I get that bad news that I can I'm gonna be in house arrest for ninety days and I obviously had other plans and it ruined them for me. ⁓ So I in the you know, I got from this goes back to the job issue, I since I feel like I've been since the D UI have they haven't been treating me nice. I lost my foreman position. I was like, you know what, it's time for me to go. I and I was gonna go to Reno where right now they're working ⁓ seven days a week, the ten hours days. And er I know a few guys over there that are making four thousand take home. So that was my plan to go there and, you know, make money and come back. You know and 'cause they need foremans over there too. And the foremans are really not not everywhere. Not a lot of people want to run work and have their responsibility. So I was gonna go there, try something new and not only that it will help me with, you know, the breakup that I just recently go I'm r going through. So that just threw everything and I just feel so I don't know, I just feel bad. I just I don't know. It it got it it has me down. Yeah. I don't like I don't know. Just can't explain it. I'm like Have anxiety I don't know, I feel like I have anxiety and I just don't feel good. No. So it kind of just well, as you were going through this up you felt like you needed something new 'cause I know the last time we talked it was like I feel like if I go to Reno it'll give me a head start. People won't know me there. Yes. They won't judge me. They won't pass me up on yeah. On jobs. Yes. And then all of a sudden you get hit with this huge thing. Yes, this huge thing that just threw a curveball at me. And you lost a ton of weight. Yeah. Twenty nine pounds. ⁓ I've been doing good since ⁓ Yeah. So I've been doing good. I've been focusing on myself and You know, you've been not drinking. That's something I I was doing often. Just for fun. No no I was just drinking, I don't know why. I was just go grab the bottle and think it was fun. Yeah. And I been not drinking. It's been maybe thirty days I think I haven't drinked. Wow. And yeah. I called it, I was like, I need to get out of this ⁓ house. For my la 'cause tomorrow I'm gonna get the bracelet. So tomorrow is my last day of freedom for ninety days. ⁓ my gosh. So So today you wanted it to be your last hurrah, let's say, before you go on to I didn't want to be home. I and so I that's why I called you. I like, I need to talk to someone and thank you for inviting me. Yes. But that was my option, going to the bar. ⁓ I I think I did the better choice. Yes, I think so too. You did the right thing. Yes. Absolutely. That's a hard choice to make. I I've been there making a choice and I've chosen to go to the bar, I've chosen to drink and like I should not have chosen that. So congrats. That's huge. That is huge. Mm-hmm. Because I think it's in these times when you're feeling so low, especially when you could see the light at the end of the tunnel, and we kinda talked about this earlier. You can see the light at the end of the tunnel, you've got a plan, you're moving towards it, and then life happens as life does. And you can choose to either get stuck Or choose to make the best of it. And even like allowing yourself to feel bad. Like this is huge for you, honestly, because the last time I saw you, you're like, nope, but n I'm not gonna think about it. When we were talking about your breakup, I was like, it's okay to be sad. And you're like, No, I'm not gonna feel sad. I'm just gonna choose to be happy and and I said, you know, we talked about emotions and what they feel like and the purpose. And so for you, 30 days later you've lost weight, you've still made good choices because you could have chosen not to to go to court. You could have chosen not to tell your boss. You could choose not to go get your bracelet. You could have chosen to go to the bar. Yeah. And even though it looks really crappy and it is, you're still doing lots of right things. Like you're still saying, I feel really crappy about this. This is really sad. It is I know. Yeah, it sucks. That's new I think for you to be able to say that. I don't know, I just feel down. I feel like practically a loser. I don't know, I just feel down I I mean I'm forty years old and I don't feel like I don't I don't you know I a bracelet on my ankle. Yeah. I can't yeah, ⁓ just it's not freedom. Right. Yeah. I mean maybe it's a good thing, I don't know, but I guess God had a different plan, so don't know. What made you choose ninety days over thirty days? I mean, first of all my job, I don't want to lose, you know, the thirty days I Yeah, my job. I don't wanna I don't know if it'll be linear with that, so yeah. So hopefully I don't you know. Yeah. Just the feeling doesn't stick with me right now. Just being at home. Mm. Unless I like go out or go to my mom's or thing, I'm not gonna have that freedom. So now I'm stuck at home. Yeah. Yeah, that's a little different. I asking permission to go to the store. Yeah. I was reading a little bit about it. Everywhere you go they have to monitor so it's not you know, and I have to stay at home. Mm-hmm. Not because I want to, but because they're making me. Yeah. So that that that sucks. Yes, a hundred percent it sucks. Like you're in timeout, let's say. Yes, timeout. Grounded. Yes. Maybe it's a good thing. I d I I don't know. Hmm. Yeah. What do you think is gonna be the hardest? I ⁓ staying at home and being having you know staying busy I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm not the person likes to be at home. I like to go out. I don't like being at home. Like I go out to my mom's or I go to the store or I do this, like yeah, this time's gonna be different. Mhm. Yeah. You told your daughter? No, I haven't told her that. No. And we're planning a little week ⁓ what a like a weekend vacation. I can't do it until August fifth. When this is ninety days are over. ⁓ my gosh. it's to me it just seems so Like lots of things are coming up for me. It's like heavy because like I would feel trapped. Like I can't breathe and what am I gonna do? And especially like with anxiety, it's like I gotta get out of here. Yeah. I gotta go do something. And then at the same time it's like you're gonna get to keep your job and still go to your job and make money and see your daughter and you know, figure things out what they look like without having the need to like run away, let's say. Mm mm, and then and not only that too the my I've been my friends been supporting me with the gym, so now I don't know if they're gonna be able to still go to the gym and like it just 'cause you know, he motivates me like Like I'm I don't wanna go and he's like, No, let's you have to go like come on, you 'cause we're only doing it five days a week, you know. You could have s Saturday and Sundays. Practically he's my motivation. And now d I'm not gonna be able to have that. I don't know to tomorrow I'll find more details, but hopefully I'd be able to still go to the gym and at least have that support that I have from him. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so that that too I was like, Well that goes my weight loss. I mean I still go extra at home, but it's not the same. When you have somebody pushing you, way different. Than me being at home and doing it by myself. It's there's no motivation there. 'Cause you know I'm lifting weights and he's you got one more rip, one more rip, two more rips. So he's they're pushing me, so ⁓ that throws a wrench on everything. That sucks. How do you know this friend that goes to the gym with you? We're coworkers. Okay. Known him since twenty twelve. So did you tell him what was going on? Yes. What did he say? ⁓ You know? It's you gotta face the consequences. ⁓ don't get don't be down, you have to I mean, it is what it is. You just it's better than being in jail. How does that sit for you, like when somebody says that? Mm I mean I the I under I will say the same thing but it's the they won't understand it. They don't understand like the f like I don't know, it just feels like I don't know, down in life. I don't know. I don't know how to explain it a lot, but I feel down. I mean it sucks being in this position. Yes. I've never been in house arrest and I'm forty so now being in house arrest it's it's gonna be different. Yes. You've never been in jail, have you? No. No. So this is gonna be a little different. Yes. Yeah. And how does it sit for you like when your friend like when you're telling somebody, you know, I'm feeling really down and this is what I'm going through and they're like kinda like, Well, you just need to suck it up and do the whatever you you need to do. Does that make you feel like, yeah, I guess you're right or does that sit well with you? Yeah, I guess so they're I mean it is encouraging words, like you could have had it worse. At least he gave you a choice. He could have not gave you a choice. Mm. That's what he said. At least he he couldn't just give you the thirty days and you would have never came back to work, you would have been in there. So at least he gave you a choice and you took the choice. Mm-hmm. You ⁓ and you made the choice, so I mean don't feel bad about it. So I understand where they're coming from. Mm-hmm. Yeah. He could've locked me out. But like the judge said, you need to be taught a lesson. That's what he said. he wasn't lenient. I don't even told him I have my license. He didn't care. He's like I'm lawyer's like, I'm gonna try to give you sixty days. And he said no, not eight. So he was a lenient. You were gonna tell him that you do have your license? No, I have my license back. I'm not revoked no more, I got it back. But I told him no, we did tell him. Or actually the lawyer's like, he he has his license back and He was trying to get us sixty days instead of ninety, but he said no. I need to learn my lesson. ⁓ my gosh. What was your thought like as soon as you heard either jail or ninety days and that you had a thing? I didn't think I thought I was gonna get away with it. I was like, there's no consequences. The D UI is worse. I like, dude, that I didn't even get I didn't even get that on the DUI. I didn't even get that for the DUI and then for a revoke and now he's giving me this, so but I guess he was right. I guess the judge I don't know. He was leaning and he said, No, you're you're paying for this one now. Did you go numb? Or like 'cause you said you know I w w had shock like Did your heart start pounding really fast? Like what did that feel like? I don't know, I just went down. My energy went down, my mood went down, my I don't know, my whole moon went my whole mood went down. Like yeah, my whole mood. It just I didn't my bad I wasn't breathing hard, just boom, like it sucked the air out of me. Yes. It like deflated you. Yeah, it deflated me. Everything was like I couldn't even concentrate at work. I was like concentrated when I got back, I was like I was like, Where you at? I was like, I was wiring up something and I I I wasn't thinking, he's like, You're doing it wrong. I was like And I know I always do it. Mm. So I always and I couldn't think. But that was 'cause I was just feeling down. Yes. Yes. ⁓ my gosh. So almost like you were just on automatic pilot but not even really focusing on what you were doing. You were just like there to be there. Yeah. 'Cause I'm I'm I am down. Yeah. What did your co worker say? ⁓ they're making jokes about it. Yeah, just jok joking about it out. But practically they said it's it's good it's a good thing. At least you're not in jail, so I guess ⁓ you could see it that way. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But it for me it feels lower now 'cause I had ⁓ goals. When when you're in these like low moments, what do you normally do to help yourself come out of it. No. think about where I don't wanna go back to. ⁓ obviously I when I was nineteen I went to depression for four years. I I think I was nineteen to like Twenty-three, twenty-four? It was four years in depression. Mm-hmm. And then I wanna go back to that. Mm-hmm. Literally I would come home from work, sleep in the couch, and I always stay in the couch and then go nowhere, didn't do nothing. So for four years and I didn't even date for four years. I didn't have a girlfriend, nothing, no interaction with anyway, they just w work co workers and that's it. Didn't go out. I was depressed. until I met Emily and ⁓ my br I knew her from high school and then ⁓ my brother's like, ⁓ she's single and she asked for my number and then from there, you know, I started dating her and then I that's how I got out of depression. I was depressed for four years. I d I didn't feel like I I don't know, I just 'cause I had broken up with my My first son's mother and that really put me down. I didn't know how to get out of it. Mm. So I now I think about that, I don't want to get to that place. Right. It was really the worst. Yes. So that's how I get out of it. I wanna go back to that. Are you scared, do you think, that you might that this might put you in that position again? No, I think I'm a little bit stronger. Yeah. Yeah, I'm stronger than that. Yeah. I I have overcome a lot of things and I don't don't wanna go back to that state of depression. Mm-hmm. 'Cause it's harder to get out of it. Mm-hmm. So Yeah, it's a vicious cycle once you're in it. Yes, and you can. Or either that or just drinking and Throwing your life away at you, nothing's wrong with it. I don't want to go do that either. Mm-mm. Because then you just stay in that same cycle. Mm-hmm. So even right now, as low as you're feeling, you're able to recognize, okay, I wasn't a really dark place for a long time and I don't want to go back there. Yes. And you're recognizing I've got choices. I can either party my life away and pretend like this isn't happening. Mm-hmm. Yes. Or do something different. Because both of those don't lead to anything good, right? Like the depression and the drinking. Yes, they don't lead to nothing good. So I wanna make better choices. So what's your choice for this season, the next three months of your life? Hmm I I'm gonna continue working out at that I hopefully that works out and you know. Maybe obviously I give myself a day too. I wasn't gonna date or try to date anybody until June twenty first and th my goal was to get to one ninety five and then after that, you know, start going on dating and everything. So n now that even it's gonna throw me out of wrench. Can't be dating with a bracelet on my so it you know, it's kinda what ⁓ my date until I have an ankle bundle on my and it doesn't yeah so I've got some nice accessories, do you wanna see them? They bling bling. I'll come here and get some what is it? What is those things you put on? How what do you call them? Yeah my b I'm a badass on my ⁓ ankle bracelet. So I mean It's just things, I was like I had I mean I had plans. I it was everything Yeah, it just threw a ring. I mean I had a plan for can I take my plans? I so my plan was going to Reno. I wanted to save up. We made me and my brother made the math that you know, if I work just a minimum n days you I was be able to take home three thirty five hundred a week. So we've made that time. So ninety six I was gonna bring home ninety one thousand. In how much? In how In six months. Wow. Okay. Wow. So then I was gonna throw ⁓ I was gonna use four forty of that to buy my truck that I've been wanting. So that that was my goal and then, you know, I was thinking that since I'm over there maybe I could, you know, start dating and, you know, get away from the past relationship that I has been, you know, toxic. f for me and her. I have a lot to blame as why why she does that. You know, we don't make it work, so I I wanted to start something new and just start yeah. I wasn't I didn't wanna go back to the same, so those those were my goals, you know. And like I told her too well her her I like I w I wanna improve on my life. I don't wanna be stuck in the same place. And you know. ⁓ Mm-hmm. And I don't wanna feel like every day is the same thing when I have the opportunity. And like that what is that saying? ⁓ that US like well it's from the pursuit of happiness. Mm. When the guy he's like he's I guess he he's drowning and he's like, God please save me And he and then ⁓ a boat comes and he's telling All right, get on the boat. He's like, No, no, God's gonna come. And another boat comes in and he's like, No, God is gonna come and then obviously he drowns, right? And then he goes up to God, he's like, God you never saved me He's like, Yes, I did, I sent you a boat. He just didn't get on Mm-hmm. So obviously God is not gonna come and do a miracle for ⁓ like, he's not gonna Show he's he's giving you opportunities and that's for you to take the right one I guess. Mm-hmm. So I you know, Reno was out there and I felt like that was an opportunity for me to go and explore something different. Mm-hmm. And before I came I was on the phone with my friend, he's like, Yeah, it's like that saying ⁓ 'cause I told him I don't feel value at where I'm at now and he's like, Yeah, it's what it's well how would he say it? He said it's like a bottle of water. At the stores maybe a dollar. But when you go to Brotherport is five. When you go to concert is ten. So it put yourself where you're valued. Mm-hmm. So that's what he told me right now. ⁓ hot dog, that's good. That's what he said. That's what he said to me right now. So was like, ⁓ well, that is true. Yeah. So I you said something earlier that I kinda wanna touch on that you've already overcome so much. And so I'm wondering all the things that you've overcome and you've overcome a lot 'cause I would love to have you more or have you on again to talk about other stuff. But you've overcome a lot and your friends reminding you that you still have choices, even though it looks a certain way. How what can you do to choose a different boat? Because obviously God's sending a different boat. Yes. And so now he said the two different boats, ninety days, thirty days, and you chose a ninety day. So what does that boat ride look like? I I looked at it two ways. Maybe God didn't want me to go to Reno. And maybe God said it was not a good time to leave my daughter either. That was another one that I I was thinking, okay, maybe he'd throw that because he I'm just bidding getting close to her. Mm. And obviously her mom is not the right choice for her. And so I was like, Okay, that's maybe that's it. I that's why I didn't go to Reno, so Yeah, I thought that too. And I I I don't know why God works in mysterious ways or whatever you want to call it, but something's out there that it's not so I can't whatever how do you say what's that? I don't know. You can't con I can't control that. So don't how does that think I can't remember. Well but everybody says if you can't control it don't Don't kill yourself over it. Like it's out of my control. And this is out of my control. Yes. So I can't be worrying about it. I can't let this define me. So I have to look at it that way too. Yes. Okay, so say more about I can't let this define me. I can't let this define me. What does that mean to you? I'm not gonna I can't just give up because of this. That's what that means to me. I had to keep going even though my plans got ruined. Mm-hmm. So I can't yeah, that's what You had told your daughter that you were planning on going to Reno? Yes. What was her response? Obviously you told me to take her and she said she was not gonna go. And her mom said, Mm, she can I don't say nothing because she lives with you but you're not taking her out of town. And then I told her you don't have a room for her anyways, where you're staying. She's like, You don't know my plans. ⁓ I moved in with my friend to ⁓ save money to buy a house. So that's what that's why I'm here for. So and then my daughter's like, I I don't wanna go, I I d I don't wanna go. And obviously Emmy's like you're only gone for six months, so what's the point of taking with you? So I was like, Okay, I'll leave her. And ⁓ that that was it. That was gonna s that was gonna stay like that. I don't know. I don't know. I'll see where it takes takes me in ninety days, I don't know. Mm-hmm. It's there's a lot there, I think like i in this boat that you've been given that you're gonna go on, you're recognizing what's within my circle of control and what's out of my control. And so within your control, you have ninety days to either continue to foster the relationship with your daughter. and use the resilience that you've picked up along the way of gaining strength like physically, mentally, spiritually. And it will look completely different because it you were wanting to leave almost I don't want to say running away, but you wanted to leave what was happening here with your ex girlfriend. Yes. And now it's almost like you're being forced to look at it in a different way of How can I gain even more resilience through this and be that like the role model that you've been wanting to be for your daughter? Huge and hard. I'm asking all the questions, baby. Do you wanna jump in and say anything? I am just all I'm thinking right now is you have so much wisdom, Jonathan. Everything you're saying, I should be taking notes. I think wow, you have such great insight and just such a like you seem so sensible and like you've really thought things through whether it's from difficult experiences. I'm just gaining I'm just listening and taking it in. I just think I know you have so much to offer. And right now I think, wow, I can't wait to see what you do in those ninety days. I don't know. I know that will s suck. I can't imagine I can only think of like my similar experiences or feeling that way towards certain situations that I might feel trapped or feel like I can't do something for a certain amount of time. But just how you're describing it, I think, wow, that's so cool to see that you realize and acknowledge you have choices. I only knew you as a I don't know, fifteen year old kid, sixteen, however old you were, I was And I know like a little bit throughout like your life, I know my sisters told me, like, ⁓ Jonathan came over, I got to see Jonathan, but I haven't really heard from you to hear like, wow, this is you are a forty-some-year-old man and you have come a s a long way. Like I think that's such a not good place like to feel good. I can't imagine someone telling me like, okay You either have to go to jail or you have to stay home. ⁓ my gosh, I can only imagine that would feel I don't know. I I could feel so many ways about that. and I don't I wanna keep the conversation about you because this is such a huge moment for you. I do want to relate with you and the best way I can relate is by sharing that I've also gotten a DUI and I also got I got my license taken away. I had to be driven. Like I had to depend on everybody around me to take me places. I didn't trust myself. I gave up my like I chose a lot of the things. I gave up like my debit card. I couldn't trust myself to go to the store because I knew I would buy alcohol. and so just that relatable part about you right now, to me I think wow, we're all human. It doesn't matter if we're twenty, thirty, forty, fifty. It life is life and we are all kind of just doing the best we know how. And to hear like how good you're doing, to me that's honestly that is so empowering and encouraging and I seriously could just I was just listening, trying to remember, okay, that's so true. You have wise friends, the things that they've told you or what you've taken from movies, the highlights you've taken. I'm I'm floored. I truly am. I think that is so cool that just to see where you are in life. I mean, I know that that's probably doesn't feel that way. Like it's so cool to hear today that you had this rock, you know, life rocking experience. But really, I'm I'm amazed at what you're even thinking through, like your goals. I'm like, ⁓ my gosh, what goals do I have? You wanna do these things, you wanna follow through, you wanna follow up. Hearing about your daughter, like you've gotten to a place where she has come to you to give you a kiss, like when she was a little girl. That yes, melts my heart. That just goes to show how much how hard you've been working on yourself and how much that's impacted those around you. That just helps me remember the work I put in is not only affecting me, it's affecting those around me. I don't have kids, but I have a husband, I have siblings, I have, you know, people around me It just really I thought, Wow, you are just giving such good ⁓ I think you should be a co host on this podcast. You have a lot of wisdom. It's so cool. I'm I can't even believe what I'm hearing. It's awesome. I don't have any questions. I just taking it in. If I have a question I'll I'll think to ask, but this is too good. Yeah. I think too something that people don't know about you is just your background because like I was telling Colin, our producer, that when I met you at I was gonna say your address because I still have it memorized, but I won't give that away. That is not your address anymore. But it was the address that everybody talked about where the bad kids lived. Yeah. And so many bad things happened there. I think like when the neighbors would talk about these bad kids, I'd always wonder like who are these people? Who lives at this address? Because you guys were so helpful to me. I was running this after school program and you guys just helped me with every you know, the keeping the kids in line and yeah, it's just so interesting how they saw you and I saw you totally different. And since then, like BB said, you've Everything that I've shared with you you'll implement or you'll say like you'll think about it, like why is she saying this and then you'll put it into your life and apply it. And I think very few people coming from that situation because your mom worked two full time jobs, eighty hours a week. Yes. So you were raising yourself. You raised yourself and your brother raised you. It's like you guys raised each other and then you had two younger siblings that you raised. And to think that you've come such a long way and this now you're forty and this happened. And like I get that you're feeling, you know, I'm a loser and I have house arrest and all these horrible things are happening, I completely validate that. And like BB's saying like you've really, really impressed me and I've sh told you how like you've impressed Cody how you've done so much and I don't want to minimize what's happening because it's a big deal. and like I just want you to know that it's a bump in the road, it's a big bump, but you've gained a lot of wisdom. You knew to reach out to somebody. you knew to ask for help or like hey I'm feeling down and I don't like feeling this way I can go to the bar or I can go talk to somebody that I know cares for me. And you chose the right thing. I'm gonna say the right thing 'cause I have the right choice. You chose like good that's just blows my mind. Like maybe saying the wisdom that you have and I to I'm gonna hold you accountable. Like what are you gonna do in these ninety days? What is within your control that you can like implement, you know, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I'm gonna call someone to come over and work out with me or run around my house or whatever. But like I do wanna know what is your like a short term goal, let's say, for the next coming week? I haven't thought it through but I mean I do wanna continue with the weight loss. That's something that I have to do for myself. That's within your control? Within my control that I I feel like that when I was in a relationship I I couldn't take care of myself. Mm-hmm because it it went through like she felt like I I was neglecting her. I don't know. Like it felt like or I started working on it, she's started saying what, are you cheating on me? Are you doing something I was taking control of my s taking control of like, you know, my body. And you know, I didn't feel good. I had like I didn't feel good. I didn't feel good. I went from a large or large to a double XL and just Put me in a bad mood. You know, like even bending down it hurt. Like it just you know, like I didn't I feel old. My my house trying to I was trying to get it to motion and like I don't wanna look that way. And I wanna go into that 'cause you don't feel good. It not only that even after this is true, after even you eat, just instead of giving you energy and you eat, it you just feel ⁓ it doesn't feel good. Mm-hmm. You know, your clothes don't fit, you're not looking good in the mirror, you don't like who you are who you or what you were becoming. And and now I feel good. Like these thirty pounds I lost, I feel good. I feel have more energy now. I don't like I'm not craving sugar. So every time something happened, I go to the pantry. That's what I was doing. I was going to the pantry and you know, d doing this and now that like I could control that. But the fasting and you know, I have a nap that reminds me, drink water, your fast ⁓ you know what tell what time my fasting started now. So I feel I feel good. And I'm not craving a like I'm Like I didn't even go to the pantry t either right now. Right now you did it? Good for you. I was you know, maybe I could go up there and get some Oreos or cookies. I didn't go for them. Nice. I didn't go for the alcohol I that I have James and I was about to call Billy before I called you. I was like I need s I needed an escape. Yeah. And I I didn't reach out for n none of those things. So that's one of the goals. I wanna continue the weight loss. I wanted to get I wanna get two one ninety five where I you know, I feel comfortable. I wanna get back to being a large. I really know I got down to an excel so now hopefully a large within a month. Mm-hmm. So I've been doing good, I've been doing a pound a day. It's amazing. So hopefully I could continue that go and I don't know that I have no plans after that. Mm-hmm. But that's one go I do want to I could control. And that's it. That's huge. Because like you're saying, eating the way you were eating, you were using it as a coping mechanism. You're using it to try to make you feel better, but then in the end it didn't really make you feel better. It didn't. And now you're ch and you were drinking. Yes, on top of that putting alcohol in. And so now you chose already three things that will continue to propel you forward because you've seen you were already gaining momentum with your weight and you're already feeling better. Movement alone makes you feel better. Yes. And were you lifting weights, is that what you're doing? Training in the afternoons and cardio in the morning. thirty minutes of carter before work. 'Cause I have an elliptical at home so that's convenient for me. So and I I have free weights too. But I was going to the gym with him because it's ⁓ he's my trainer, so he he knows about you know, he's he's He's been working out for years so he he he knows what he's doing. So that's he's was my he's pushing me to be better, yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And not only he's like ninety days you're gonna be unrecognizable. That's right. So would you think that he would consider going to your house and using your free weights? If the judge says that you can't go to the gym? I think so. I think he will. He I mean he's really a good friend. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Sounds like it. I always yeah, he always tells me that's the one you saw is what the he has a raptor. Yeah. Yeah, he's like really been a good friend. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I actually wanna ⁓ bring him up. I wanna tell a little bit ⁓ how we met. Mhm. So I met him in twenty twelve and he was a little like very serious guy, like cocky I could say. And I met him in like And then I ⁓ that was the first job we went to. And then the second job we end we ended up together. we we started talking and then we I we became friends. And then one day I was in a bind and I was like, Let me borrow five hundred dollars and he said yeah but ⁓ for me to convince him I was like, Yeah, I'll give you a PlayStation. ⁓ I gave him a Playstation Xbox and Bose soundbar. has pawned. So if I don't pay him back, he'll get his money back from the So when I I got to the job site, I opened the trunk, I was like, ⁓ here And then he said no. He's like here here's the five hundred dollars. Wow. And he didn't take none of the stuff. He he said, Here it's yeah, you you're a man, you keep your word. You're not you know, you y you lose me or you won't I won't talk to you for the five hundred it's your choice. In fact they gave me that choice. Wow. So he didn't and then from ever then we've been like friends. That's amazing. So we've been friends for twelve years and every time you know, he always tells me the way it it is, you know. He sounds like me. Yeah. I need to meet this guy. Yeah, he's really good now, you know. And always has my back, always tells me, you know. Doesn't he doesn't encourage bad behavior. He d none of that he has his kids, he has his kids in sports, you know, he has a nice truck. His house is almost paid off, like Wow. And you know, every time he just is there for me all the time. Mm-hmm. Don't ask him for money no more if it But he's there for me, gives me advice and everything. Every time I I talk to him he always gives me good advice too. Yes. So it's proof I think that who you surround yourself with, that's who you wanna become like. Yeah. And so if you're surrounding yourself with somebody like that who believes in you and gives you the opportunity like, here's the money. If you're a man of your word, you're gonna pay me back. Let's see what you do with it. Yeah. And then you did and now he trusts you and he's there for you and gives you good advice. And it seems like that would be helpful if someone trusts you it's easier for you to trust yourself. I would feel that way anyway. Like in times when I don't always trust myself to make the right decision, but somebody else is like, No, I I believe you're gonna pay me back or do the right thing, then I think, if they believe in me, I guess I can too. Mhm. Yes. Mm-hmm. That's good to trust in yourself. Something I'm still learning. ⁓ same. Same. I did have a question and I'm not sure, ⁓ Jonathan, how comfortable you are with any questions, so feel free to not answer or bypass if you want. ⁓ I was just thinking about like being 30 days into sobriety and how raw that can feel. And so I'm just curious, like thirty days into sobriety and now ninety days going into being at home. ⁓ what does that look like? Like how do you have a plan as far as like the alcohol goes? Like for me, I've like I said, I've I don't know that I would have been able to do that when I was that deep in. I'm not sure like how deep in you are with alcohol, like what the relationship looks like But I'm just curious what that will look like for those ninety days at home. I don't think it's gonna be a challenge on the alcohol. I feel like drink more with my partner than I did by myself. I'm not craving it. That was like I don't know, every Thursday I get paid so every Thursday holds over the bar. Let's go drinking. That was our like escape. And then I go turn into Thursday or turn into Friday and then Saturday and then ⁓ Sunday, Sunday brunch. So I was drinking I'm not gonna say she made me drink, but I was drinking more as an esc escape for us, I think for me and her. Not just I'm not gonna blame everything on her, but it was my escape too. Like, you know, if I knew if I stayed home, I was gonna fight with her or argue about kids or trash or something. Like you know, I was always in nick she was always nick picking me, so that was my escape. Mm-hmm. Like I don't wanna be home because you know she'd be like your daughter this, your daughter that or you don't tell the kids ⁓ you always say I don't have a backbone. So to me that was my escape. Let's go to the barn, let's get out of here and let's go drink. Yeah. So that was my escape Like she didn't know that but that wasn't like I'm gonna be fighting with you today, I wanna go enjoy my my weekend and stuff. So that was our practically escape. It was drinking. Mm. Now that I don't have that what is it, nick peeking at me and like I I get home and I don't have to hear ⁓ your daughter didn't did this or the kids didn't did di do this or do that and you know, 'cause ⁓ play. They c say they leave something on the counter instead of me telling the kids to come pick it up. I'll just pick it up like just leave it alone. It's just a it's just a spoon, it's just a plate. ⁓ you don't have backbone, you and obviously I I didn't. I just feel like, ⁓ pick up the plate. It's two seconds and you're done. Instead of it's gonna take thirty seconds to go scream at them and then come back and they're gonna be with this ⁓ they're gonna be moody and I sometimes I just dealt with the problem and she didn't like that. So that's a that's one thing me and her crashed about a lot. So I think the drinking was my ⁓ the drinking was my escape with her and I could admit it wasn't just her telling me to drink, it was me doing that too too. So it was just an escape from being home. That makes sense. So now you're gonna choose, yeah. You're gonna choose not to drink or it's not even ⁓ temptation. It's not a temptation to be honest. It's not it just today I did feel like drinking, I mean not gonna lie. I was like fuck it. I sorry, 'cause ⁓ Jameson did feel that's my drink like to go drink I was like, ⁓ Jameson does sound good and I wanted to go drink, don't know, just being down. Yeah. So knowing that it was a blip of a temptation and you're about to go into ninety days, what would it look like if you like threw the Jameson down the sink or like didn't completely removed it from your house so that it wasn't even a blip of a temptation? I don't know how far I have bottles. I never thought about dumping them out. I mean I didn't Just curious. ⁓ I don't know, maybe I should, but I don't feel like I need it. I don't I'm gonna get place to not wanting it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. that yeah that's the only thing. What time is court tomorrow? Or what time do you mean right there? I'd be at eight there. I have to be there at eight. In the morning? Yes. Actually the biggest the what what is so I had to go, obviously, lose the weight and then start dating that that's that's actually more like what am I gonna do now? Now I'm not gonna have a social life that that threw a wrench. 'Cause I was really I was like, okay, I'm gonna stay focused until I lose the weight, now feel more comfortable approaching women. Now that's I mean, I don't know how I I don't know, I think I'm like desperate wanna find somebody. Mm-hmm. I don't know, I just it's you know, I've been adding people on Instagram and like I wanna kinda wanted to build a connection to get out of this connection. I know it it's not ripen. But I really wanted that was one of the goals, like I wanna meet somebody else. I wanna have a different relationship. Not go back to what I've been used to. So this this is this is I don't feel I'm not gonna be able to do that goal. Now I have to You know, maybe I could talk to somebody on but it's not gonna be the same as going on a date. So now I have to wait 'til August until I go on a on a date with somebody. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Unless I I don't think it's gonna like, ⁓ why can't you come out to dinner? But I go on my house, or is you gotta go come to my house. Right. That's gonna be you know, that's that's that's a goal that I don't it was a goal to me. I don't know if it's a right goal but I I do wanted to meet somebody. I wanted to see what's out there, something better for me. I don't I don't know. Mhm. And I know it might seem selfish, like trying to find somebody else when I'm not completely over this person, but I just maybe that will help me I don't know, I just wanted something new. I wanted everything though. New a new car, new opportunities, new everything. So this threw a just a curve off. I have to yeah, it's gonna be a little bit harder. Reassess the goals. Reassess the goals. Maybe two eggs for not meant to meet somebody else right now. Maybe I'm not I don't know. What would it look like to like look for healing? like in counseling or therapy for the next ninety days to like because you want to show up as your best self, right? Yes. And so to take these ninety days and start working on like you're already working towards that. Yes. And then so it's mind, body, soul, right? So right now you're already working on your body. Yeah. And then you've mentioned God and have told me like you want to go to church and all that. And then your mind, like starting also to heal your mind by going to therapy or and just checking to see, you know, why do I want to make a connection right away or Or is it a g is it good for me to be looking for someone right now as I'm leaving this other relationship? Like that's just something to explore during the ninety days. Yes, it's a huge curveball to your goals, but just kind of refining the goals and looking at them a little bit different. I I don't know. That's a hard one. Yeah. I just I don't know. I d I I kinda just wanted to get out of this one and I wanna be obviously using escape. Mm. It was my s that's the easiest way to get away from something to find something new. So that was actually my goal. Mm. And Yeah, it wa it's actually it was a goal. Mhm. And I felt yeah, I was determined to get to that goal. 'Cause I was like, I'm not gonna talk to nobody right now. I've been adding them but I haven't messaged anybody, so I was gonna wait till I feel more comfortable with the way I look physically and then then I start approaching women so I was like I'm gonna give myself at least a little bit of time. Mhm. But now you've been given more time to get wrecked. Yeah, now I got more time to I g yeah, I guess, you know, maybe too soon. I I I don't know where in and too where this is this is gonna affect my relationship now with her, you know. Yeah. So obviously she just quit on me today again. Yeah. So that's something that I have to like, do I really want, you know, somebody I told her what was going on instead of being there for me she practically just told me I'm done with you, so it's like a Yeah, roller coaster. Roller coaster, so I d I don't know. Yeah. That's a lot. You've got a lot happening and you're already making good choices. and I do want to thank you for just hopping on over here. No, that's I may I needed it. Yeah. Feel a little bit better. Yeah, you look better. from when you first came in, like I could see the sadness in your eyes and now it's almost like there might still be a glimmer of I was over lower the place actually what like thirty days ago I was all over the place. I don't know what to do. Mm. I there was like who i I didn't know it just didn't I have a clear mind now. Mm-hmm. More more like sticking to the the goals. The way laws help me too though. Yes. That's that really It's supposed like a boost. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So quick too. Yeah. Yeah. Keep boosting. Well, it seems like one goal is propelling another goal. Like if you're losing weight, then you wanna go out and meet a companion. Like all those it just seems like you're working so hard on one thing and then it's making that go into a different goal, into another goal. Which that is also inspiring. I think once we like start dipping into working on ourselves in one aspect, it seems like it'll naturally flow into another aspect and then the hope is in all aspects. Mm-hmm. Mind, body, soul. Yes. ⁓ I was on the phone with our nephew right before we got on. And he said something that apparently is a quote I had never heard Effort won't betray you. Yeah. I will just that took me a minute. I thought, okay. What does that mean? And it right now you're describing that exactly, Jonathan. Like all the effort you've been making, it sounds like your entire life. It has not betrayed you. Like it has gotten you here where you are. And today I I agree it is it's a huge deal and at the same time It's ninety days of your life. Which I think if you're forty some years old, if you think of ninety days in a forty year old person, like it is truly like a small time, even though in the moment I have felt that. Like this is life altering. It is life altering. But I think that all everything you're saying, I think, wow, that is hitting me personally, and I'm sure anybody that listens to the podcast we'll be able to relate with it. And I think the fact that you're sharing I would say very freely about what's been happening, that's vulnerable, that's brave, that's I don't like not to sound dramatic, but I would say heroic. Like you're a forty some year old man with a twenty one year old kid and you're really exposing humanity, like at its finest. Which to me is That is very hopeful for anyone listening. I would say for Mao and I as well. Like it just everything you're saying. I don't know. I just think all the effort you're making, it's it's so worth it. And you are doing a phenomenal job at making that effort every day, moment to moment. Like, do I go to the bar? Do I what what do I do? And you're making an effort. So that's I would say that's worth ⁓ congratulations. Thank you. Also as like you're saying that I would want to like talk to you in a week. And if you're on house dress, like you could still obviously be busy at night hill. But like check in with you. and all of a sudden I'm gonna go to your house because you live down the road from me, but For the podcast, honestly, like you have such a great story that's happening right now. Yes. That we get to follow and see what choices you're gonna make. I mean no pressure, but you better be making the right ones. Which you've already done. But I don't know, how would you feel? 'Cause that can be really to be held accountable and have somebody check in, somebody that's not gonna shame you and ⁓ my gosh, look at you but it's like I wanna see your growth. in a week, two weeks, three weeks, I don't know, what do you think? Good for that. Okay. And more I I guess it helps me stay on the positive side? Yeah. Because I have people rooting for me. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I think so too. Accountability. I think connection is huge. I think like I'll randomly text you. What are you doing? How are you? And I think that's important for me that I'm connecting with you. It's like you've been in my life for so long and I just always want to check in on you. What's new in your life? And so to honestly it's like such an honor that you even called me today and for me I wanna return the favor and say like okay Jonathan tell us what's new in a week. Mm-hmm. Two weeks, I wanna Okay. Yeah. Maybe two weeks. That way I more that more time to be to reflect I guess Because people are gonna be wanting to know what did the j what did they say? Like what permissions did they give you? Are you gonna go to the gym? Will they let you go to Reno? Are you still gonna go to Reno if you you know, like so many things are up in the air. But yeah, two weeks, that would be awesome. Yes. Okay. ⁓ yeah. And so tomorrow will be day one. Tomorrow will be the all the details. So ⁓ I see. I guess they'll tell me all the rules. So if I what I guess you have to ask permission. There's a number? I I was reading I googled it and there was ⁓ there's a hotline you call so like if I guess if I need to go to the store I have to call them, hey, I'm gonna smith so and they they'll give you timer. So you can't you know be out and about. Mm-hmm. So I don't know yeah, I don't know. Yeah. So it's everything about they control your life, I think. So I and ⁓ two is like so if you get off at three you better be home at four thirty. Like they'll they'll know what time you need to be home. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so it's everything is monitored. That's what the anchor braces. I'm curious. I'm curious about that. Yeah. So tomorrow you know all the details of everything. And obviously it's not free either. ⁓ that's crazy, yeah. It's a hundred dollars to start and twelve dollars a day. Wow. So that's gonna hurt Yeah. My money too. Say that again. Say I could I so it's not free being in house arrest. So not only that is gonna affect me, not financially 'cause it's not much, but I mean it's still Twelve dollars a day, I it's around like four hundred dollars a month. So it it's it's gonna hurt my money. Yeah, my money. I you know I could use that for something else. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's yeah. I could have used that thousand dollars at ⁓ maybe yeah, I was gonna use that for something else, but now I'm paying twelve dollars a day to stay out of jail. Mm-hmm, right. Wow, I didn't realize that. I didn't know there was which I guess makes sense. I'd never thought about it. So I think that does that is to me it's ⁓ helpful to understand even the process of what that looks like. Like knowing I guess what that consequence looks like, just detailed. I would be very interested to know what what you'll be allowed to do and just like how restricting it'll be or I don't know, maybe where you find freedom in areas you didn't think you would. That'll be that'll be cool. And I think like when you were talking about accountability, I was kind of looking at it from the opposite perspective, like you checking in on Jonathan. I also think like what a cool opportunity for you, Jonathan, to see like what Mao's done in a week. Or Priscilla, I know you call her Priscilla. just because I think you're you're on house arrest. We're not on house arrest. We wanna see what you're doing or what you're gonna accomplish, but what are we doing and what are we accomplishing? When we're free. To me, I think, gosh, that would help me to be like, Okay, I've gotta do things that are that count, that make me Like, okay, what can I do? Maybe that can be a challenge for us. Like what can we do in ninety days? Don't get crazy. I know, I know. I maybe we can edit this out. But we don't want it in writing. I really do. I think maybe Jonathan, you should check in on us and be like, What have you done this week? And I'll be like, Well, I sat on the couch and watched our twelve hours of T V or whatever. I don't know. I think this could be really cool for Like a ninety day challenge ninety day house arrest challenge. Is my house gonna be clean? I don't know. Something. Am I gonna challenge us? Yeah. Am I gonna exactly I know I don't know why I'm saying this. I already wanna take it back. I love that idea. Yes. Okay, so what are you doing for the ninety day challenge? I already know what I'm gonna do. What are you doing? Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna take a page out of Jonathan's book and start with two weeks. Check up on me in two weeks. ⁓ I let me think. I don't even know what can I do. Tell me yours first. Maybe I'll get ideas. I've literally been praying, Lord, help me. I need to get back into the gym. Like my body hurts because I'm not lifting weights and I have a full gym in my house. And I pray God send me somebody. He's done this before where he's sent me somebody to work out with me specifically at a certain time that I've prayed for. And so I've been praying like, God help me, I need I need to work out. I need motivation because like you said, it's hard not to be when you don't have someone that motivates you, it's like, nah, I'm gonna hit snooze or ⁓ I'm just gonna watch Survivor instead or whatever. So my challenge for myself in ninety or we'll take a week at a time. ⁓ I wanna work out at least like lift weights, not ride my bike 'cause I don't count that as like what I need to be doing. ⁓ so three days a week I wanna work out like lift weights. Minimum three days. I can do that. And who will be your accountability partner? You and Jonathan. Well I remember to check. What are you doing? And he's gonna be like, What are you doing? And then you'll call me and I'll just block your number. Okay, I'll give Jonathan your number. He's gonna call you. I'll be like, I knew you at one point in my life. Don't keep me accountable. ⁓ gosh. I'm gonna have to think about it. I guess our listeners will have to just stay tuned because I need to think of something reasonable, something that I will actually follow through with and something that will challenge me but that won't be impossible because I know myself. If I give myself a challenge, I will tell myself, You're gonna start running. I've never run a day in my life. And then I'll be let down because I didn't do my own challenge. So I gotta think of something. If you guys have ideas, please. Throw them out. I don't know. Cool. That's it. I won't do anything. Problem solved. Okay, we'll we'll be thinking of something. Yes, I will be too. Okay. All right. Jonathan, thank you. Thank you for having me. Yes. Yes, thank you so much, Jonathan. It's so good to hear you again. I would love to stay in touch. And obviously we will, at least through the podcast. Okay, so if this resonates with anybody, which I'm sure it will, make sure that you hit the like button, subscribe, and all the things. We'll see you next time.