Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 464. Seeing too many paths & how do you speak more positively about your past? (Headnoise)

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464. Seeing too many paths & how do you speak more positively about your past? (Headnoise) · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:09
Speaker 1: Since Hello, beautiful Boans, and welcome to the podcast episode
0:20
Speaker 1: of today. I'm actually just jumping in here before we
0:23
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0:46
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0:49
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1:48
Speaker 2: Love you guys so much. Let's get straight into the
1:50
Speaker 2: episode of today.
1:53
Speaker 1: Since hello, beautiful bands, and welcome to the podcast episode
1:59
Speaker 1: of Today. This is your head Noise episode, your Voice
2:03
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2:05
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2:07
Speaker 1: Hearing your acceps from around the world. I just love
2:09
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2:12
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2:16
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2:32
Speaker 1: voice messages. Okay, we're going to dive straight in because
2:36
Speaker 1: this isn't about me, it's about you. So I'm not
2:39
Speaker 1: going to give a life update in today's episode. It's
2:41
Speaker 1: all about you. So let's begin. And the title of
2:45
Speaker 1: this one is seeing too Many Parts slash career Change.
2:49
Speaker 2: I'm already excited.
2:52
Speaker 3: Hey, Alexis I have a burning question about what advice
2:56
Speaker 3: you would give to someone who wants to make a
2:59
Speaker 3: career change and has too many interests. A part of
3:02
Speaker 3: me wonders if I should go ahead and just try
3:07
Speaker 3: each thing, like take a class in this, take a
3:09
Speaker 3: job in this other thing, and just try doing things
3:13
Speaker 3: and figure out as I go what I like and
3:17
Speaker 3: what I don't. But that seems like it would take
3:20
Speaker 3: so much time. And yeah, I'm just wondering if you
3:23
Speaker 3: have any advice for someone who can see too many
3:28
Speaker 3: different paths, too many different options, because it's so overwhelming
3:33
Speaker 3: and hard to know what next steps to take. Thank
3:37
Speaker 3: you so.
3:38
Speaker 1: Much, awesome love this question. So firstly, I think that
3:45
Speaker 1: number one. Write them all down. We want them in
3:47
Speaker 1: front of us. We need to see what we're working with.
3:49
Speaker 1: I love a good list. I love a good life
3:51
Speaker 1: physically just.
3:52
Speaker 2: Having it in front of me.
3:53
Speaker 1: So you want to write down all the things that
3:55
Speaker 1: you could genuinely see yourself doing as a career. We're
3:58
Speaker 1: not going on a tangent here. So is it architect,
4:00
Speaker 1: is it fucking earning your own business?
4:03
Speaker 2: Is it what like? Whatever it is, write them all down. Then,
4:06
Speaker 2: out of these ones, once.
4:07
Speaker 1: You're looking at them and they're looking you straight in
4:09
Speaker 1: the face, I want you to ask yourself, what am
4:13
Speaker 1: I interested in as a career option? Because I think
4:15
Speaker 1: it would provide a good career trajectory, it would be
4:18
Speaker 1: a good lifestyle for me. And what out of these
4:22
Speaker 1: ones could just be a hobby? Right that It's not
4:26
Speaker 1: necessarily a career. It may be, but it could also
4:30
Speaker 1: be done as a hobby.
4:31
Speaker 2: Right. So there's many things like that.
4:34
Speaker 1: Sometimes we think, oh my god, but I love this thing,
4:36
Speaker 1: how do I turn it into a source of my income?
4:38
Speaker 1: I love doing this fun thing.
4:39
Speaker 2: How do I dore? And then we end up ruining it.
4:41
Speaker 1: For ourselves because we put so much pressure on this
4:44
Speaker 1: now has to be my career. I have to make
4:46
Speaker 1: it in this and now I no longer enjoy it,
4:48
Speaker 1: and it's no longer this care free thing because I've
4:50
Speaker 1: attached it to so many other outcomes that need to
4:54
Speaker 1: happen in order for me.
4:55
Speaker 2: To consider this a success.
4:56
Speaker 1: Okay, So once you've div it up what could be
5:00
Speaker 1: done as a hobby versus what is a legitimate career
5:03
Speaker 1: option that I want to explore, then you're able to
5:06
Speaker 1: decide with the hobby ones, are you able to start
5:09
Speaker 1: doing them on the side already? You know, is this
5:12
Speaker 1: something that I could actually start doing a little bit
5:15
Speaker 1: off on the side, and then it is kind of
5:16
Speaker 1: like a trial and error exploration.
5:18
Speaker 2: So I would put those.
5:19
Speaker 1: Ones aside for now because they're not kind of more
5:22
Speaker 1: pressing or urgent with the ones that you're like, this
5:24
Speaker 1: is the legitimate career change, I am leaving my job
5:27
Speaker 1: to do this thing.
5:29
Speaker 2: Then I would look at them, and you need.
5:31
Speaker 1: To ask yourself a multitude of questions. You've got to
5:33
Speaker 1: ask yourself, how does this realistically fit into my life?
5:37
Speaker 1: You know I might So, for example, I was talking
5:40
Speaker 1: to Tyrone recently because he's got his captain's license, and
5:44
Speaker 1: he loves being on the water, loves captaining boats like
5:48
Speaker 1: it is just his favorite thing in the world to do.
5:50
Speaker 1: So I said to him, I was like, is this
5:51
Speaker 1: something that you'd actually consider doing? And he goes, oh,
5:53
Speaker 1: in my twenties, I should have done it. That's a
5:55
Speaker 1: regret of mine. I should have done it in my twenties.
5:57
Speaker 1: But I wouldn't do it now. But I love being
5:59
Speaker 1: on them and I'm still gonna always do it, like
6:02
Speaker 1: you know, drive boats and whatever.
6:03
Speaker 2: And I was like, well, why wouldn't you do it?
6:04
Speaker 2: Why not, like it's something that you love. He's like,
6:06
Speaker 2: because it doesn't fit in with my lifestyle.
6:07
Speaker 1: I now have a family, you know, I want my weekends.
6:10
Speaker 1: I want you know, and most of the time when
6:12
Speaker 1: you're skippering, you've got to be working on.
6:13
Speaker 2: Weekends or whatever. So he's already decided, as much.
6:16
Speaker 1: As I love this thing and I could have a
6:17
Speaker 1: successful career in it, it doesn't align with my lifestyle. Okay,
6:21
Speaker 1: So you've got to kind of go through each option
6:23
Speaker 1: and say, as much as I love this thing or
6:26
Speaker 1: as much as I'm interested, and I could dabble, am
6:29
Speaker 1: I going to go all in? Is it a double
6:31
Speaker 1: or is it an all in? How much realistically would
6:34
Speaker 1: it fit into my lifestyle? Another thing that you've got
6:36
Speaker 1: to ask yourself is how high risk is it? Because
6:39
Speaker 1: if depending on how many dependable factors you've got in
6:43
Speaker 1: your life. Are you a parent, do you have a mortgage?
6:45
Speaker 1: Do you have things where you need dependable income and stability?
6:49
Speaker 1: And I'm not talking about being safe and boring, but
6:51
Speaker 1: you need a level of dependable income and stability if
6:54
Speaker 1: you've got dependence or dependable thing like you know, like
6:57
Speaker 1: a mortgage or whatever. So that's another thing that you
7:00
Speaker 1: need to ask yourself because if something's too high risk
7:03
Speaker 1: and too volatile, like I'm quitting everything to have a
7:05
Speaker 1: career in acting, then maybe that should be down the
7:07
Speaker 1: hobby side of things. And until you see traction, maybe
7:10
Speaker 1: you're not going to quit your job. Okay, So how
7:13
Speaker 1: realistic is it that I can switch careers into this
7:16
Speaker 1: new thing?
7:17
Speaker 2: Would it tie into my lifestyle?
7:19
Speaker 1: As far as I love it, it seems all shiny
7:22
Speaker 1: and glamorous, But do I have to work nights?
7:24
Speaker 2: Do I really want to work nights? Do I have to?
7:26
Speaker 1: Is it shift work? And my cave is shift work?
7:28
Speaker 1: If you are great hunters go down that path. Will
7:32
Speaker 1: I have my weekends? What do I value in my life?
7:34
Speaker 1: And would this.
7:35
Speaker 2: Align with my values?
7:36
Speaker 1: What's your morning routine like, what's your social life like,
7:39
Speaker 1: what's your evenings, what's your financial kind of whatever. You
7:42
Speaker 1: might be making a lot of money in your career
7:43
Speaker 1: right now, and that's not the bill all end all,
7:45
Speaker 1: because you could afford a cheap but like you could
7:47
Speaker 1: afford your lifestyle with less money, maybe you want something
7:51
Speaker 1: that gives you more purpose.
7:52
Speaker 2: So these are all these questions that you've got to
7:54
Speaker 2: tick off.
7:54
Speaker 1: But number one, I think you need to weed out
7:57
Speaker 1: what could be done as a hobby that doesn't need
7:59
Speaker 1: to be a career, and then you're able to explore
8:02
Speaker 1: that on the side and what actually could only be
8:04
Speaker 1: done as a career, and you need to seriously think
8:07
Speaker 1: about reshaping it. And you're going to notice that the
8:09
Speaker 1: things that actually fall into what actually do I need
8:12
Speaker 1: to quit my job for to try this new career
8:15
Speaker 1: like where I can't have both at the same time
8:17
Speaker 1: for now?
8:18
Speaker 2: Number Number two, realistically, how.
8:20
Speaker 1: Much is that time to my lifestyle and my my
8:24
Speaker 1: You know, what I value in my life doesn't align
8:27
Speaker 1: because there's going to be many things that we love
8:30
Speaker 1: the idea of, but when it comes down to the crunch,
8:32
Speaker 1: it just doesn't really align. So that's going to help
8:34
Speaker 1: you sift through a lot of these things, and then
8:36
Speaker 1: you're probably going to be left with just I mean,
8:38
Speaker 1: some people will left with one, some people will be
8:40
Speaker 1: left with a handful. And then out of that handful,
8:43
Speaker 1: then I do think it's fair for you to trial
8:45
Speaker 1: each one. You might trial one and be like, this
8:49
Speaker 1: is the one. I love it so much, I'm glad
8:52
Speaker 1: I picked this one first. I don't need to trial
8:53
Speaker 1: the other two. So that's what I would do. Out
8:55
Speaker 1: of the ones that are remaining, I would say, which
8:57
Speaker 1: one is the most exciting to me?
8:59
Speaker 2: And why is it the most exciting?
9:01
Speaker 1: Is it because I think it would, you know, make
9:04
Speaker 1: me I'd be excited to get up in there, or
9:06
Speaker 1: is it because it sounds good to other people? You
9:08
Speaker 1: need to choose the one that is going to align
9:10
Speaker 1: with you on this visceral level where you can imagine
9:14
Speaker 1: yourself living that lifestyle, waking up, getting ready and doing
9:17
Speaker 1: that job and it feels right okay, And then you
9:21
Speaker 1: try that one, and then the next, and then the next,
9:24
Speaker 1: But you probably will be able to like narrow it
9:27
Speaker 1: down just a couple of options after doing that. But
9:29
Speaker 1: I love it, and you should be open to change
9:31
Speaker 1: your career at all times in your life.
9:32
Speaker 2: Love this so much.
9:33
Speaker 1: Next question, This was just titled motherhood, So let's go.
9:41
Speaker 4: High, Alexis. I absolutely love your podcast and I feel
9:45
Speaker 4: like it's made such a difference in the person I
9:48
Speaker 4: am today. My question is around motherhood. Anytime I say
9:54
Speaker 4: I'm so excited to have kids, I can't wait to
9:57
Speaker 4: be a mom, I'm so excited for this chapter of life,
10:01
Speaker 4: I am constantly met with comments of, oh, just you wait,
10:06
Speaker 4: You'll get no sleep, your life will be changed forever,
10:11
Speaker 4: your relationship with your partner will be so different. It's
10:14
Speaker 4: never going to be the same. And while I want
10:18
Speaker 4: to be sympathetic to everyone's experience being different and maybe
10:23
Speaker 4: that being their experience, I don't want to look at
10:27
Speaker 4: my future motherhood in that lens. I choose to see
10:32
Speaker 4: everything from a really positive standpoint and from a lens
10:36
Speaker 4: of gratitude and positivity, and I feel that the people
10:42
Speaker 4: that I'm chatting to about this maybe don't see their
10:44
Speaker 4: life that way, not just motherhood but everything. And yeah,
10:49
Speaker 4: my question is around how to I guess, respond in
10:52
Speaker 4: those situations and also just how to keep my positive
10:57
Speaker 4: and grateful attitude while also not accepting that that's going
11:05
Speaker 4: to be my reality. Thank you so much.
11:08
Speaker 2: This is the best. I love that, like, you've come
11:10
Speaker 2: to the right place.
11:11
Speaker 1: Honestly, you've come to the right place, because Okay, there's
11:14
Speaker 1: so much I could talk about on this topic, but
11:17
Speaker 1: everything you said is what would happen to me, I
11:19
Speaker 1: would be asked, and that's mind you.
11:21
Speaker 2: That's that I was never outwardly saying I can't wait
11:24
Speaker 2: to start a family. I can't.
11:25
Speaker 1: It was when I was pregnant and people were saying,
11:28
Speaker 1: you wait till this, you wait till that. I even
11:30
Speaker 1: did an episode, Babe, I did an episode about the
11:34
Speaker 1: announcement of my pregnancy and how I was saying that
11:36
Speaker 1: I feel really kind of relaxed and at ease because
11:40
Speaker 1: I've got such a great partner going into it, and
11:42
Speaker 1: I know that we'll be a great partnership and that
11:44
Speaker 1: you know, it's not going to be all on me
11:45
Speaker 1: and we're going to And I had people saying, ha,
11:48
Speaker 1: you say that now, but it's going to be ninety
11:49
Speaker 1: percent on you.
11:50
Speaker 2: You don't know what you're talking about, And.
11:53
Speaker 1: I was like, fuck me, Jesus Christ, is it, like,
11:56
Speaker 1: why is everyone being so negative? And is it possible
11:59
Speaker 1: that that even the people that are experiencing it good,
12:01
Speaker 1: it's just a lie. It is all bad across the board.
12:04
Speaker 1: And I'm very pleased to say that it's not like
12:07
Speaker 1: that across the board. And it's not to take away
12:09
Speaker 1: from the fact that some people have really hard, but
12:12
Speaker 1: you need to know that many people have it really
12:15
Speaker 1: good too, okay, And there's variables that contribute to why
12:19
Speaker 1: it's going to be really hard versus why it's going
12:20
Speaker 1: to be really good. But I want to say to
12:22
Speaker 1: those people that said you wait until it happens and
12:24
Speaker 1: it's on you, I want to throw it back in
12:27
Speaker 1: your face and say, I have waited and it's been
12:29
Speaker 1: fucking amazing. And my partner is exactly who I thought
12:32
Speaker 1: he would be as a father and more okay.
12:35
Speaker 2: Because I've got such a great partner going into this.
12:38
Speaker 1: Because I've also been lucky that the twins have phenomenal
12:42
Speaker 1: sleep They're only three months old and they've been sleeping
12:45
Speaker 1: very very well from the get go. Because I'm also
12:50
Speaker 1: fortunate that I have a really good you know, families
12:54
Speaker 1: that live nearby. There's many variables that are that I'm
12:57
Speaker 1: very grateful to have that a lot of people don't have.
13:00
Speaker 1: But having these variables in my life have made this
13:03
Speaker 1: experience fucking brilliant. It has not changed my relationship with
13:07
Speaker 1: Tyrone other than for the better.
13:09
Speaker 2: It's made us like I'm more in love with him
13:12
Speaker 2: seeing him as a dad, I'm like, this is unbelievable.
13:14
Speaker 2: This is really really cool.
13:15
Speaker 1: We joke with each other so much more. We're very lighthearted,
13:17
Speaker 1: We're not stressed around parenting. We've had a ball, right
13:21
Speaker 1: we have. I don't know how to explain it, but
13:24
Speaker 1: I'm exactly the kind of like what you think your
13:28
Speaker 1: experience is going to be like is what I'm living, Okay,
13:30
Speaker 1: And like I said, I just feel like it's frustrating
13:34
Speaker 1: that sometimes I feel like I can't talk about how
13:37
Speaker 1: good it is. Not that I can't talk about it,
13:38
Speaker 1: but I hold back from talking about how good it
13:41
Speaker 1: is on the podcast too often because there's so many
13:44
Speaker 1: people that don't experience how good it is. And I'm
13:47
Speaker 1: very well aware that a lot of the reasons of
13:49
Speaker 1: why it is so good is because of all these
13:51
Speaker 1: things around me. That support my position to enjoy motherhood.
13:56
Speaker 1: So much like family that lives nearby children that can sleep,
14:00
Speaker 1: there are people that have babies that can't sleep, and
14:01
Speaker 1: that's going to be you know, when you're sleep deprived,
14:03
Speaker 1: your life is a whole nother different ballgam I'm very
14:06
Speaker 1: aware of that. So my experience is going to be
14:09
Speaker 1: very different to other peoples. But I also find that
14:14
Speaker 1: having a career that I have always you know, well
14:18
Speaker 1: since I started the podcast and the neuroscience I've always loved,
14:21
Speaker 1: has also been a grounding force for me to have
14:26
Speaker 1: something that's still about me and having that separation between
14:30
Speaker 1: me and I get to do my work and I
14:32
Speaker 1: love it. And even if I was taking year of
14:34
Speaker 1: Matt leave, I'd still dabble in it. I'd still read
14:36
Speaker 1: into it, I'll still be interested, and that allows me
14:39
Speaker 1: to still have like my strong sense of identity.
14:41
Speaker 2: Plus this plus that, So.
14:42
Speaker 1: You know what, I love that you've said this, because
14:45
Speaker 1: I'm here to let you know that your positive outlook
14:51
Speaker 1: does exist for some people, for many people. You know,
14:53
Speaker 1: there are Another thing that I chose to do throughout
14:57
Speaker 1: my entire pregnancy was just to you know, follow creators
15:03
Speaker 1: that firstly, I didn't follow that. I didn't change who
15:05
Speaker 1: I followed too much. I didn't want to make my
15:07
Speaker 1: whole feet about like mums, mums, mums and mums, because
15:09
Speaker 1: there's you know, that's not my only interest. But I
15:11
Speaker 1: wanted to follow mums who really were enjoying it, and
15:15
Speaker 1: who were really having a really good time throughout motherhood
15:18
Speaker 1: and who were kind of thriving in that. I'm also
15:21
Speaker 1: really happy that personally I happened to fall.
15:26
Speaker 2: Pregnant later on in my life in my thirties.
15:29
Speaker 1: I found it for me that it really helped me
15:33
Speaker 1: feel like, no, I'm really ready for this. Some people
15:36
Speaker 1: are going to feel really ready in their twenty somebody.
15:38
Speaker 1: It's different for everyone. But by the time I feel pregnant,
15:40
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm fucking ready for this because I've done
15:41
Speaker 1: a lot of things that ticked a lot of boxes
15:44
Speaker 1: for my life experiences that I'm feeling like this is
15:46
Speaker 1: a good stage for me.
15:48
Speaker 2: I'm really like mentally prepared. You can't be prepared for
15:52
Speaker 2: kids until they come.
15:53
Speaker 1: I don't think personally, but I was mentally prepared for
15:55
Speaker 1: the change in my life. So what I would say
15:58
Speaker 1: to you is if firstly you don't have to respond
16:02
Speaker 1: to these people, as long as you don't let it
16:03
Speaker 1: get to you, as long as you say, I can
16:05
Speaker 1: stand strong in my belief that I'm going to have
16:07
Speaker 1: a good experience in this. I've got many examples in
16:09
Speaker 1: my life of people that have had a good experience.
16:12
Speaker 1: It's not all it's not all negative. Some people do
16:16
Speaker 1: have it bad, other people have it really good. And
16:18
Speaker 1: I'm going to choose to focus on that and really
16:20
Speaker 1: aim that that's going to be my experience of hope.
16:22
Speaker 1: Like I've got the parameters in place, so I'm going
16:24
Speaker 1: to have a good experience. Okay, I'm going to enjoy it.
16:27
Speaker 1: I'm going to love it, and it's going to be great.
16:28
Speaker 1: And for people that throw in your face, you just wait,
16:30
Speaker 1: you just wait, you just wait.
16:31
Speaker 2: You can either ignore it or you can respond.
16:35
Speaker 1: You can say, you know what, I've seen enough positive experiences,
16:39
Speaker 1: so that's what I'm focusing on. Or you could say no,
16:43
Speaker 1: thank you. I'm not interested in waiting on something that
16:44
Speaker 1: I don't think is going to happen to me. You know,
16:47
Speaker 1: I got told so often you just wait. You think
16:50
Speaker 1: your sleep's bad, now wait till you have kids. To
16:52
Speaker 1: those people, my sleep was worse when I was pregnant
16:55
Speaker 1: versus having kids. And that's what I've got twins, right.
16:59
Speaker 1: And the beauty of having twins, babe, is that I
17:00
Speaker 1: can shut people the fuck down because they will come
17:03
Speaker 1: at me with their experiences and I'm like, well, you
17:05
Speaker 1: haven't experienced my experience unless you're a twin mum. And
17:08
Speaker 1: every twin mum has actually said it's the best fucking
17:11
Speaker 1: experience in the world. So I'm here to tell you
17:14
Speaker 1: focus on people that have had an experience that you
17:17
Speaker 1: want to have, look at the parameters that have helped
17:19
Speaker 1: them have that experience, and stay true to what you're feeling.
17:23
Speaker 1: I think it's awesome that you're excited to be a parent.
17:26
Speaker 1: I think it's awesome that you're excited to have kids.
17:28
Speaker 2: It is beautiful.
17:29
Speaker 1: And even if you're going to be someone that has
17:31
Speaker 1: hurdled along the way with parenthood, you can still love it.
17:34
Speaker 1: It can still be extremely fulfilling, it can still be
17:37
Speaker 1: an amazing experience. And just like you said, one thing
17:41
Speaker 1: that I do, which you're going to do when you
17:43
Speaker 1: have your family, is that I constantly remind myself how
17:47
Speaker 1: short lived this time is. You know, my morning routine
17:50
Speaker 1: is completely different, and it always takes it like a
17:53
Speaker 1: good forty five minutes of that morning routine too an
17:55
Speaker 1: hour sometimes more is me just lying in bed going hey,
17:58
Speaker 1: y yeah, yeah, yeah, with my twins ages because I'm like,
18:01
Speaker 1: this is unbelievable, Like how am I? When am I
18:03
Speaker 1: going to have this time again in the future?
18:04
Speaker 3: So cool.
18:05
Speaker 1: So if you have that present mentality of like each
18:08
Speaker 1: chapter is quite short lived, then you're way more like
18:12
Speaker 1: I find that I really enjoy it when I remind
18:14
Speaker 1: myself of that, of the impermanence of each phase, I
18:17
Speaker 1: enjoy it so much. So I hope that I can
18:20
Speaker 1: be a positive kind of example for you to look
18:24
Speaker 1: at and then just find other examples like that. And
18:26
Speaker 1: I've spoken to other mums who have done the same thing,
18:28
Speaker 1: and they've also had a positive experience too, So that
18:30
Speaker 1: might not be the case for everyone, but it was
18:32
Speaker 1: for me, and I hope it is for you as well.
18:34
Speaker 2: And you know those people.
18:35
Speaker 1: That say that that's just a reflection on their experience,
18:37
Speaker 1: which is fine, but it doesn't mean it has to
18:39
Speaker 1: be your experience, And it doesn't mean that you know
18:41
Speaker 1: you can't make the most of your experience.
18:43
Speaker 2: No, matter what's thrown your way.
18:45
Speaker 1: So thank you for writing in and yeah, if I
18:47
Speaker 1: were you, always remind yourself it's easy to get worked up,
18:51
Speaker 1: and I would too, but always bring it.
18:53
Speaker 2: Back to that's just them projecting. It's them projecting.
18:56
Speaker 1: I don't have to respond to them as long as
18:59
Speaker 1: I don't let it get to me, as long as
19:00
Speaker 1: I quickly nipped in the butt in my head and said,
19:03
Speaker 1: that's a projection. I'm thinking of exactly how I want
19:07
Speaker 1: it to go for me, and what I expect and
19:09
Speaker 1: what parameters and what kind of support systems I'm going
19:14
Speaker 1: to put in place that when the time comes, I
19:16
Speaker 1: know what I can lean on and what I can do.
19:18
Speaker 1: I'm not coming into this unprepared. I am prepared and
19:21
Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to it. All right, awesome, thank you,
19:24
Speaker 1: love that.
19:27
Speaker 2: Sense sense. Okay, last one.
19:36
Speaker 5: Hi, Alexis, I've just been listening to your brain jumping
19:40
Speaker 5: episode about language aligning with your desires, and I hope
19:46
Speaker 5: what will be an interesting question or something that I
19:49
Speaker 5: really would like answering, is how do you speak more
19:52
Speaker 5: positively about your past? So I feel that there are
19:58
Speaker 5: some things in that episode that will influence the future,
20:04
Speaker 5: and that you should speak about more positively, so things
20:07
Speaker 5: like relationships. But there feels like some things in the
20:10
Speaker 5: past which a stain in the past, and are things
20:16
Speaker 5: that you identify with, So things such as your family
20:20
Speaker 5: bonds and connections and how strong they are, and even
20:26
Speaker 5: things from the more recent past like work situations like
20:31
Speaker 5: I had a bad experience in that job. I feel
20:36
Speaker 5: that this is quite a vague message, but the purpose
20:39
Speaker 5: of this message is because I am moving to Australia
20:42
Speaker 5: shortly and I will have an opportunity to introduce myself
20:46
Speaker 5: to people again. And I feel like there's a lot
20:49
Speaker 5: of things in life that I identify with that aren't
20:52
Speaker 5: actually that positive, and I think that you will have
20:56
Speaker 5: some really good advice to help with that. Thank you
20:58
Speaker 5: for listening, and hopefully i'll see you around in Sydney.
21:02
Speaker 5: I won't stalk you, but who knows.
21:05
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm so excited that you're coming to Australia.
21:07
Speaker 1: I love this, love this, and welcome if you're already here.
21:09
Speaker 1: Although hopefully I'm not taking too long to respond to
21:12
Speaker 1: people's messages. Okay, this is awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome. Firstly,
21:16
Speaker 1: what I want to make clear is that I don't
21:20
Speaker 1: ever want when I talk about the importance of your
21:22
Speaker 1: language and when you're paint something with a negative.
21:24
Speaker 2: Brush or positive brush and all of it, all that shit.
21:26
Speaker 1: I want to make it clear that it's important that
21:29
Speaker 1: we call a spade a spade. I don't think that
21:31
Speaker 1: it's going to benefit anyone if we say, oh my god,
21:34
Speaker 1: now I can't call if something was negative and it
21:37
Speaker 1: was shit. It's all right to say that was fucked,
21:40
Speaker 1: that was fucked, or my parents were fucked, or my
21:45
Speaker 1: parents were dysfunctional, or there were certain things.
21:47
Speaker 2: That didn't work out, or that was a horrible thing.
21:50
Speaker 1: There is nothing wrong with looking back in your past
21:53
Speaker 1: and saying this was not it right, this was wrong.
21:57
Speaker 1: It's important to identify it, and it helps us to
22:00
Speaker 1: identify it. There's a difference between acknowledging, identifying, learning doing
22:07
Speaker 1: something about it if possible, or learning to give yourself
22:10
Speaker 1: closure if possible. We don't have to paint everything with
22:12
Speaker 1: a positive light in our past if it just wasn't positive. Sometimes,
22:16
Speaker 1: when you finally get enough closure over something, you've really healed,
22:19
Speaker 1: you can look back at certain things and even laugh,
22:22
Speaker 1: like there are certain things that I can look back
22:24
Speaker 1: from like toxic relationships, for example, or toxic jobs that
22:28
Speaker 1: now that I've learned from it, I've grown, I've become
22:31
Speaker 1: confident now that I can see the journey I've gone on.
22:33
Speaker 1: I can laugh at how unhealthy something was, being like
22:36
Speaker 1: what the fuck was that?
22:38
Speaker 2: Right, but it's still an acknowledgment that something was wrong.
22:42
Speaker 1: I don't want you to ever feel that in order
22:44
Speaker 1: to be positive in life, and that you've got to
22:46
Speaker 1: have this toxic positivity of not being able to really
22:48
Speaker 1: acknowledge when something is unhealthy.
22:50
Speaker 2: So definitely acknowledge it.
22:52
Speaker 1: But there is a difference between dwelling and festering.
22:56
Speaker 2: Best fester fester rock rock versus yeah.
23:00
Speaker 1: I'm acknowledging that thing, and it's either like, how fucked
23:04
Speaker 1: was that? And I love the contrast between the fact
23:07
Speaker 1: that now I don't have to live that anymore and
23:10
Speaker 1: that because of this, it's helped me identify this kind
23:14
Speaker 1: of person or this kind of job, or it's helped
23:16
Speaker 1: me identify what I want for my family moving forward
23:20
Speaker 1: or my friendship's moving forward, because that's what this negative
23:22
Speaker 1: relationship taught me.
23:24
Speaker 2: So you can still gain something.
23:28
Speaker 1: It's like there's this saying it's kind of like the
23:31
Speaker 1: silver lining in the cloud. There's the saying Spanish, it's
23:33
Speaker 1: a bit different and it's noa malke porenvenge. If you
23:36
Speaker 1: speak Spanish you know what that means. But it basically
23:38
Speaker 1: means there's no negative thing that something good can't come
23:43
Speaker 1: out of it, And that to me is like, at
23:45
Speaker 1: the very least, it's a lesson.
23:47
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's you had the worst job ever, but you
23:49
Speaker 2: made a great friendship out of it.
23:51
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's okay, you had you know, this horrible tragedy happen,
23:55
Speaker 1: but it brought you closer to maybe your family or
23:59
Speaker 1: maybe whatever. Okay, So it's not to say that there's
24:04
Speaker 1: something positive out of everything negative, but something good can
24:07
Speaker 1: always come through something bad that happens. So that's kind
24:10
Speaker 1: of the attitude I want you to take when you
24:13
Speaker 1: look back at things that weren't good, and even if
24:15
Speaker 1: nothing positive happened at the time, at the very least,
24:19
Speaker 1: the positive thing can be the lesson that was learned,
24:23
Speaker 1: the growth that it led you to have, you know,
24:26
Speaker 1: the decisions that you were able to make because of that,
24:29
Speaker 1: the resilience, the strength. So when you come to a
24:33
Speaker 1: different country and you're saying, you know, there's new relationships
24:36
Speaker 1: I'm going to make. There's people that haven't met me.
24:38
Speaker 1: I know the kind of person that I want to
24:40
Speaker 1: be moving forward. But I've had these hard experiences in
24:43
Speaker 1: my past. That's perfectly fine. You don't have to lie
24:46
Speaker 1: about it. But you've got to say, am I going
24:48
Speaker 1: to look at these hard experiences and say, these were
24:51
Speaker 1: the points that made me learn?
24:52
Speaker 2: Or am I going to be.
24:53
Speaker 1: Like, I had a really fuck time I had this aren't?
24:56
Speaker 1: Because you know, you're also got to be like, if
24:58
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell someone about my past and they
25:00
Speaker 1: were negative things, you can still tell it in a
25:03
Speaker 1: compelling way. There's a difference between saying, you know, this
25:05
Speaker 1: fuck thing happened was really I tell negative things that
25:08
Speaker 1: happened to me. I share these stories with people, but
25:11
Speaker 1: I do it in a way of like, either I
25:14
Speaker 1: set the scene up because it was a really chaotic
25:16
Speaker 1: thing and it's entertaining bad or I tell it in
25:19
Speaker 1: a way of like how I learned from it, or
25:21
Speaker 1: how like, you know, whatever it is. It's different to
25:26
Speaker 1: be like, oh, you know, this really bad thing happened
25:29
Speaker 1: and that's why I'm so shitt at getting a job,
25:31
Speaker 1: and that's why I'm never gonna you know, and you know,
25:34
Speaker 1: if you're a downer about what happened in your past
25:37
Speaker 1: and how that's going to lead into more negative things
25:39
Speaker 1: in your future, then of course people are going to
25:41
Speaker 1: be like, oh, yeah, she's a little bit of a
25:42
Speaker 1: Debbie downer.
25:43
Speaker 2: Whatever.
25:44
Speaker 1: If you want people to look at you in a
25:46
Speaker 1: different way, you can still have your past. Your past,
25:49
Speaker 1: you know, really turns you into the person you are today,
25:52
Speaker 1: for the good and for the bad.
25:53
Speaker 2: So you can use those things and make it productive.
25:57
Speaker 1: If this shit thing was going to happen to me
25:58
Speaker 1: in my past, at the very least, I'm going to
26:00
Speaker 1: make that experience somewhat productive, Like how can I learn
26:05
Speaker 1: from it and apply that? So don't ever feel when
26:08
Speaker 1: I talk about your language and all of that, but
26:10
Speaker 1: you can't say something negative or you can't identify something bad.
26:14
Speaker 1: It's what you do with that thing or nothing at all.
26:18
Speaker 1: But it's how you choose to be. Like I'm closing
26:20
Speaker 1: the door here, the cycle stops now whatever, you can
26:23
Speaker 1: still turn it around to be a positive influence in
26:26
Speaker 1: your life moving forward. Hopefully that helped answer your question,
26:30
Speaker 1: But yeah, I think that, Yeah, you can really still
26:33
Speaker 1: use that for you know, to benefit you in the
26:36
Speaker 1: long term. Yeah, good times. Thank you guys for sending
26:41
Speaker 1: in your voice messages. Loved the different accents we have
26:44
Speaker 1: e I said at the start of at the start
26:46
Speaker 1: of the episode, I love hearing your different accents.
26:47
Speaker 2: From around the world. Love you all so much.
26:50
Speaker 1: That is off for today's episode, and as always, remember
26:53
Speaker 1: be kind to yourself, be kind to your brain, don't
26:55
Speaker 1: take shit from anyone, and especially don't take shit from yourself.
26:58
Speaker 2: Don't care
27:01
Speaker 1: Its since