Latest / Butterfly Days w Tami Jorden / Year One Rewind: Remember You Are Mortal

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Year One Rewind: Remember You Are Mortal · Butterfly Days w Tami Jorden

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  speaker-0 (00:02.242)
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  Welcome to MyRalm. I'm Tammy Jordan, and this is Butterfly Days, the podcast that proves you're not past your prime. You're living in it right now because women don't have expiration dates. Butterfly Days is a celebration of the extraordinary potential of Gen X and Boomer women. Throughout history, women have shared wisdom to uplift and empower one another. And you're about to learn hard-earned wisdom and best-kept secrets.
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  From interesting, inspiring women. So if you're ready to embrace your butterfly season with confidence, find joy in the present, and create a legacy that matters, you're in the right place. No more holding back. Let's spread our wings now. Here we go!
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  speaker-1 (00:55.822)
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  Welcome to the celebration of the first anniversary year of Butterfly Days Podcast. This episode highlights what some of my favorite guests have taught us about remembering that we are mortal. Memento mori. Remember that you will one day die. So live now on purpose. I created this podcast to remind you to live intentionally every day.
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  Memento Morry is not morbid and it's not a downer. It's the most clarifying idea that I know because a finite life is only enriched by being aware of its brevity. I'm a death doula, so I sit with people at the end, and I can tell you that nobody in that room is thinking about their optimized morning routine. They're thinking about who's holding their hand. This episode is the spine of everything Butterfly Days stands for.
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  Abby Large, magnificent human that she is, will teach you the difference between a buffalo and a cow, and it will change how you handle things. Ari Bly on why she refuses to feel bad about her age. Erin Trier and Dr. Mary Alice Mina on the difference between caring for yourself and chasing something. Margaret Pasquese, who God love her, plays harp at the bedside of the dying. Theo Boyd, Lindsay Goldstein,
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  Christine Dupre and Anissa Hudak round us out. This is the one I'd keep if I could keep only one episode.
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  speaker-2 (02:31.776)
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  I believe in being a buffalo, not a cow. There's a place in Montana where they migrate together and scientists were curious about how they reacted when they see a storm. And if you know anything about cows, they run very slowly. So when the cows see a storm coming over the horizon, they run away from the storm. And because they run so slowly, that storm eventually catches up to them and they're like in it for a long period of time and their pain and suffering is extended. Buffaloes, on the other hand, when they see a storm coming over the horizon, they run towards it.
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  And because they run towards it, they run through it, and their pain and suffering is cut short. And it's a metaphor for life. Eventually you're going to die. Like everybody is going to die. And that's an inevitable thing, right? But how you get there, that's a whole nother ball of wax. I am fifty-three. I'm pretty zen about it because I can't change it. And all I can do is live my life the best I can today and you know, with what I've got. I know too many
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  haven't gotten here to feel bad about or to pretend that you're something else. A lot that's come to me because I've gotten to this age, like I've lived through, like we talked earlier, about so much. I'm like, I'm not gonna wish that away.
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  speaker-4 (03:44.51)
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  If you are sitting there on a dream and thinking, no, I can't do this or there's all these just imagine how you'll feel if you actually do get a gasp of air and think, I should've done that. There's kind of a famous saying out there that genes load the gun pulls the trigger.
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  speaker-2 (04:00.632)
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  Genesis.
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  speaker-3 (04:04.792)
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  The way to speed up and especially get to a place of feeling really good, feeling energized, getting to results, and getting into that place where you want to like absorb the most amount of energy inside of your longevity with where you're going is to slow down. Like it really is slowing down to speed up. It's like if you're remodeling a house, you're building a house, what happens if you do all that without building the foundation first?
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  Like if you just jump right into doing the counters and the cabinets before you do anything else, or if you are putting the roof on before you put electrical and plumbing in, like at some point in time everything is gonna crumble to the ground. You're gonna have to burn it down and start all again. Because you didn't start with the foundation, right? It's the same for our health.
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  speaker-4 (04:46.296)
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  Our goal isn't to remove every because that would look weird. That would look so bizarre and you won't look beautiful. People will tell me, like, I go here for this, I go there for that. I tried this because my friend did it. You know, and I I say we're on this hot girl hamster wheel. We're so terrified of what's gonna happen to us if we give up any of these procedures and services and self, you know, self-care that we're doing that we're running ourselves amok and we're driving ourselves crazy.
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  Favorite
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  speaker-5 (05:16.718)
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  Testimonials are really when people are like, my gosh, you explained it so well that we knew when the dying was starting to happen. And we were able to get everyone who needed to be out of the room, out of the room, and everyone who needed to in the room, in the room. And we were able to be there.
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  speaker-4 (05:34.028)
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  I don't understand why we've put the gag order on grief in America. It's like nobody can talk about it because it's uncomfortable. And when did s when did sad become bad? Sad is a normal emotion. Sad is normal. It is sad is not bad.
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  speaker-2 (05:54.894)
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  And so I ask people all the time.
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  speaker-4 (05:57.162)
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  What stories are people going to be telling when you're gone? What are you doing that your children are going to hear that you did when you're gone? And every remembrance of my parents, they were standing up. My dad standing at the pulpit, my mom standing in the kitchen, my parents visiting and standing in the hallway at nursing homes and visiting people. So how are
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  speaker-2 (06:10.902)
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  The kid.
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  speaker-2 (06:15.384)
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  people
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  speaker-4 (06:19.534)
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  Children, friends gonna remember us when we're gone. Were we standing or were we sitting? Because who wants to live in the crap? You don't ha and that's you don't have
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  speaker-2 (06:27.04)
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  Into
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  speaker-1 (06:29.422)
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  That's the beauty of it.
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  speaker-2 (06:31.65)
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  Yeah.
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  speaker-1 (06:32.766)
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  You will.
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  speaker-4 (06:35.47)
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  However I'm here to
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  speaker-1 (06:39.138)
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  Yeah.
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  speaker-4 (06:39.808)
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  Life is so on the other side. And it doesn't take all that much to get to
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  speaker-2 (06:40.75)
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  Which better.
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  speaker-1 (06:44.718)
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  to the other side.
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  speaker-5 (06:44.942)
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  Our power, as you know, as adula, is in our presence and how we show up and how we're present to people. And so sometimes that just means I need a little granola bar, right? It's that simple, like a little attending, you know, attend to myself so I can give it away.
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  speaker-4 (07:00.546)
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  The two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you know why you were born.
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  speaker-1 (07:05.996)
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  Margaret says it plainest and she'd know our power is in our presence, not in our productivity, not in how we last or how well we optimize in whether we are actually here with the people in front of us while there's still time to be. Abby's buffalo runs into the storm because running away from it only makes the suffering last longer. Ari will
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  Won't waste a day feeling bad about being fifty-three because she knows too many people never got there. And Theo asked the question I want to leave you holding. What stories will people tell when you are gone? Were we standing or were we sitting? You know, you have more sand in your hourglass than you think, and I come to you every week to remind you so you can live it the most fully.
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  But you do not have an unlimited amount of that sand, and that's not a tragedy. That's the whole reason that any of this counts. So this is my benediction for you. May you be spared regret because you chose to find the words to bridge the fears earlier rather than later. May you honor yourself and your loved ones by choosing respectful honesty.
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  And may you know the extraordinary peace of walking your loved ones home, knowing you didn't need to be perfect to have done right by them.
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  speaker-0 (08:41.774)
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  I'm so grateful you listened to this episode. I hope it was a real value to you. If there's a sister in your life who needs this message, please share it, just like women have done to lift each other up over the centuries and across cultures. Women lifting each other is so important. It's why I do this work. And to avoid FOMO and keep up leveling your own life, make sure you don't miss the next episode.
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  You may be losing hormones, but your life has given you powerful perspective. I believe you have something to give that no one else does, that the world needs. So remember, I'm rooting for you. Let's go!