Latest / Pursuit of Sassiness / Getting The HONEST Truth From Brian Austin Green

Transcript

Getting The HONEST Truth From Brian Austin Green · Pursuit of Sassiness

• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Hey, I Do Part two. It's your celebrity mentor Kathy
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Schwartz and one of our newest mentors here on the pod,
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Brian Austin Green and a new friend to me. So
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: glad to have met you. And we're here in beautiful
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: solving together.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: This is unbelievable. This is really it's hot outside, but
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: it is gorgeous.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: It's gorgeous. Right, yeah, I was about a new friendship.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: How about our new friendship?
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: What if I was saying before and then you cut
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: me off and you told me to shut up? What
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: a great day today has been. It's been so incredible
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: spending time with you, getting to know you.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Doing this here. You're gonna make me cry now, Okay,
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: well yeah, soak those up, so soak those up, those chairs, okay,
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Brian cheers. One of the best things about you joining
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: the I Do Part two crew is that you get
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: to really bring our listeners inside the mind of a man,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: and I, for one, absolutely love this. So today I'm
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: putting you on the spot here. I loved your podcast.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: I want to grill you on some things, Okay, but
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: you go, You're gonna give me your brutally honest answer.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: It's all.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: There's nothing like preform or prefab.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: About okay, because you know I'm going to know the
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: questions before you get okay, well I.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Didn't share them with you, but we're going to go
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: right into this, and these are like rapid fire.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: Just help me out. Okay, I don't I'm not rapid,
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: Just so you just say.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: You know what I heard? Okay? Do men find these
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: things attractive or a turn off? If a woman does
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: them quickly change at tire? Turn off or attractive?
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: Unnecessary? It's it's fine, It's fine. How about double text care?
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: How about double texting? Oh yeah, you're you're pressuring somebody
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: to respond.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when I text you and don't answer and I
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: text you again, how are you going to feel about that?
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: I will erase our conversation completely and I'll get a
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: divorce ring made that day, just so you know.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think I slipt through the marriage. But okay,
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: all right, hanging a curtain rod, you find it attractive
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: or awesome if I hang the chart and rod?
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I like somebody that that just sort of gets in,
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: whether they know how to do it or not, and
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: just does it and at least tries it.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Love it having an Instagram or TikTok for their dog
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: or my case cat, you have one for your cat? No,
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: but I have two cats. Okay, but you don't have
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: an Instagram for your cat. Well I did, but just
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: for about ten seconds. Divorce ring here it comes. You know,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I was so in love with you.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: I think I think that is ridiculous to have an
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: Instagram or a social media page four your.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: I actually agree with you. I agree with you. Okay,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: bench press? Now you know I lift weights. Bench pressing
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: their body weight attractive or a turn off depends on
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: what they're doing it for.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: Okay, let me start over. I bench press. Wait, what
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: do you do it for? Do you do it for
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: fitness or do you do it for the way you
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: are seen by other people?
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Fitness?
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: Totally fitness, totally fitness. Then that's awesome. If you can
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: binge press your own weight.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Okay, thank you, I'll continue it. How about this one
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: wearing makeup to the gym?
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: Uh? It doesn't And I answer this one sure stupidest
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: thing ever. It just doesn't make any sense to me.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: It's like you're gonna sweat, Like the idea is that
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: you're going to go there and you're going to work out.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: I you're not wearing makeup for anybody for yourself. You're
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: wearing it for everybody else. That's right, and you shouldn't
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: give it. And you're there to work out, so leave
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: the making. I think you're going for the wrong reason.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: It's the same way I feel when I go to
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: like a hike and there's somebody walking in nice shoes.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: It's like, what are you doing? Well, that's just stupid,
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: that's super problems with your ankles.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: It's asking for like multiple trips to the shoe store
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: to buy new shoes.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree, total one. I have Miking boots. I
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: wear mine. Okay, talking about this one blows my mind.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Talking about astrology and taking it seriously and like, I
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: don't know what sign you are? What sign are you cancer?
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: I'm a What do you think I am? A Taurus?
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: I am? Because you just almost said it, Oh damn.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: Okay, but I'm just gonna psychic and your psychic.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: So do you think it's attractive or turn off the
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: woman sitting there talking about her astrology sign? I think.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: Again, I think it depends. I it's I don't I
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: don't generalize those answers. I think astrology is fun if
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: it's part of somebody, if it's your.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: Only thing, that cancer or always well.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: That and then like all they want to do is
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: sit and talk about astrology. You're like, can we talk
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: about like in the moon of the seventh Sun? I'm
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: over at Yeah, totally. I don't care what you're like
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: your rising sign is it's too much.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: I don't care. Okay, this one turn off or attractive
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: to drink beer if a woman drinks a beer, I
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: can't even we can't even do this one, Like, who
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: cares if you want to drink drink? Okay? Pick up lines?
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: A woman's got some pickup lines. I got some good
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: pickup lines. Is it attractive if I come up to
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: you and say hi, Joe? Oh wait and you go
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: on money, it's not joannacho. Oh, I have a friend
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: that looks just like you was saying Joe. By the way,
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: what's your name? Yeah?
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: That's so cheesy. Yeah, that's I'm not a fan of
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: pickup lines. You that was that was nice. I'm and
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: you've never used that one before. This is the first
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: first time I actually stole it from someone else, and
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: I would never do it so it's a it's a
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: six shooter.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: I would.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: You were here on a ranch, so I figured I
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: would tie it all in together. Yeah, I don't to
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: me pick up lines like you're starting off the wrong way.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah. On the other hand, the hell are you supposed
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: to meet somebody? If you you got to say something? Yeah,
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: you walk up and you say hello, and you say
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: your name, and you ask what their name is, and
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: then you start a conversation and you see if you
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: guys have anything in common. That's the way. Don't that's
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: way too all right? All right? What about wearing at
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: leisure wear when not working now, which is how I live?
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: So be careful what you said. Yeah, I don't. I
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: look at me like I'm not. I just got my first,
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: you know, country cowboy hat today.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: First, I don't.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: I wear leisure comfortable stuff all the time. The only
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: time I don't. But when there's a dress code.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: Okay, But what about a woman. Do you want a
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: woman in an evening gown as a measure?
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: No, I know, I want somebody to be comfortable. I
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: want to be able to enjoy our day.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: All right, all right, I like it.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: Now we're going to move into some questioner. Well, these
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: are tougher, but they're specific for me because I am single.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: I was married for many many moons and my husband
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: passed away, and so I'm in the dating market. I'm
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: not engaged like you are. But you know, if there
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: is a god this time next year, I'll be right there.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: If there is a god, he's got you on the
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: path that you're supposed to be.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: I actually agree with.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: That, and you will meet someone and you'll be in
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: something if and when you're supposed to be. But if
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: you're searching for it, you could sidetrack yourself from what
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: path you're actually supposed to be on.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Absolutely agree with you. You're such a wise man. I
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: actually agree with you. Okay. So I'm of a certain
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: age and I am very fit, and I love to
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: work out and I have a lot of energy. So
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: I tend to look to date guys younger. So how
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: should I dress, because you know, do I want to
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: look my age or I want to look younger? You know, sexy,
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: short skirt? How do I look sexy? But also, and
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: I don't even like the word sexy. How do I
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: look that I'm interested and I'm approachable, but also appropriate
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: approachable but appropriate. I could have give me these questions earlier,
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: but you told me not to.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: I think, you know, I think, I think honestly, you
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: should dress the way you dress like it is. It's
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: it again. It's going to depend on what it is
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: you're doing. If you're meeting somebody for the first time,
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: you're going to a nice restaurant, you're going to have dinner,
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: you dress appropriately for that, but you still dress the
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: way you would dress. Don't dress pretending to be somebody
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: else or something else, because I think you're setting yourself
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: up for disappointment and failure. You are creating a version
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: of yourself that doesn't actually exist. So you're only going
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: to be able to maintain that for so long.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Okay, So mostly you're telling me to dress how I
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: feel comfortable. So this means to wear with cowboy boots.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: It means how you would normally dress. Again appropriate to
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: the situation. All right, what are younger men attracted to? Like?
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: How do I make myself attractive to younger men? Another
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: way of saying it, Oh my god, Well, I mean
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: you have to decide what you are really looking for
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: and if you want to be attracting younger men or not.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: The reality is the younger men tend to be much
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: more immature than women do.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: That's true. But here's the thing men my age, you
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: know I talk about on my podcast. They're used to guys.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: They used to ski, they used to ride bicycles, they
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: used to golf. You were saying that, I said, And
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: now they sit on the sofa with the beer and
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: you know, and and a big gut and watch, you know,
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: watch the march madness. I mean, it's like finding guys
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: who share the same energy that I have.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: I think, I think being one hundred percent true to
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: your energy is the best thing that you can do. Again,
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: because you're going to be you daily. So you can
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: show up trying to pretend to be something else, but
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: that's not going to last long and you're gonna end
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: up going from a relationship to relationship trying to you
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: fit some sort of a mold that you don't that
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: isn't you. Yeah, And you want to find somebody to
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: share your life with, yes, And I also want somebody
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: who accepts me for me. Yes, Okay this you know,
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: I have a lot of questions to you, so this one, no.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna keep pummeling you. Yeah, but I do.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: I think you are why I mean this truthfully, I
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: think you're a smart guy with a lot you have
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: sage advice, So I'm going to continue on here. There's
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: no surprise to you even though we just met. I
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: do have a strong personality, no two ways about it.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: You do. But I also have a soft side. Here's
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: the thing about me. You have to get to know
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: me before I'm going to show you my soft side.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: And that's just why I'm built. I can't change who
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: I am. How do I not intimidate men so that
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: they're willing to get to know me.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: I think if you represent yourself in a way where
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: you make it obvious that you're closed off to really
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: connecting with someone, then it becomes intimidating for people to
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: be around you because they feel like, what's it going
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: to take for me to like get past the hard
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: candy fell and get to the guy center?
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: I think you need to. I think there's a certain
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: point where you maybe just in being honest in a
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: situation and going listen, I am not someone that opens
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: up right away. Then somebody knows that, so then they
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: don't take it personal that you're not opening up. Yeah,
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: but I think if you don't say that and you
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: just are, you have these walls up and you you're
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: a bit distant, people start taking it personally because that's
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: we're human beings, and that's that's kind of the first
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: place we go to. It's like, oh, they must not
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: like me because they don't want to talk about anything
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: beyond this.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: So so I often men have said to me, Wow, Cathy,
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: you're beautiful, you're smart, but damn you're a lot and
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: I and that hurts my feelings, and so I'll say
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: something like I'll say something like I'm I'm too much.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: They'll say you're too much, and I'll say I'm too
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: much or maybe you're just not enough because to me,
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: if they can't do.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: You say that though as like a defense mechanism to
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: feel better for yourself.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: Well, probably because I'm irritated that they don't want to
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: take the time or don't have the ability or whatever
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: it is, especially if I'm attracted. So you take it
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: as an insult right away when you Yeah, I think
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: I do, but it's mostly because come on, you're you're
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: not you, Brian. But a guy that I meet that
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: I'm interested in. Come on, you're a smart guy. Surely
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: you see that there's more to me that I can
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: have a vulnerable side. Are you just are you not
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: willing to do the work? Like I don't want to
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: say that, but it's like you got to put some
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: energy into this. What because I'm not a sweet, bless
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: your little soul kind of girl. But are you are?
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Are you not as a defense mechanism or are you not?
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: Because you just honestly aren't.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: No, Like, is it something that you have built in
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: a lifetime of disappointments and things where you're like, I'm
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: not going to share and connect right away.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: Instead, I'm going to put this for no I can
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: I can tell you honestly, for me, and I've just
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: actually put this together recently for me to put myself
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: out there and be really be vulnerable and really tell
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: someone that I want them in my life. I'm afraid
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: of being abandoned again. And you know, my husband died
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: by suicide and to me, call it whatever you want,
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: it feels like you know he left me. I wasn't
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: good enough. There was a reason he left, right, even
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: though it's not my fault. I know that, so I
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: don't want to be left again. So it's it's you're now,
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: you're right. It's sort of a defense mechanism. I'm not
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: going to put a lot of energy into this because
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: I don't want you leaving me. If I decide I
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: want you, and then down the road you say, hey,
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: you know what do you want? I mean, what kind
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: of a relationship do you want? Are you looking just
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: to date? No, I'm looking for a permanent I'm looking
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: this is I do Part two. I'm looking for my
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: part two. I say it many times, this is the
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: last great chapter of my life. I want it to
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: be the best chapter. I want it to be the
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: you know, the longest it can be, but I want
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: it to be the best and greatest chapter of my life,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: notwithstanding the great marriage I had with my husband and
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: my three kids. I want to I look to the future.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: I try to look in the rearview mirror. So you know,
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: that's kind of what I'm after.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: I think though, So it's interesting that you said that
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: that you look to the future instead.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: Of in the rearview mirror.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: But a lot of your actions are looking in the
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: rear view mirror.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, man, this is tough.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: Why do you say, because you have these red flags
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: and these things where you're like, Okay, I got to
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: make them prove too much. I've experienced this before, so
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: I'm going to make sure that this hurdle is cleared
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: before I jump in. But then when you look back,
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: or to me at least, when I look back on
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: my life and I think of my best relationships, my
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: best relationship up until the one I'm in now, because
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: this one we went into in a new way, which
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: was incredibly refreshing, was my first because I went in wholeheartedly.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: I didn't have any of the red flags. I loved
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: her and I was in it, and I had never
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: had my heart broken before and I never had no
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: That was my first real relationship. Was the first time
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: I really went into something and went, Okay, I'm like,
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna do a relationship. But I think that you
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: have to sort of go into all of the relationships
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: in that fresh way. You have to be willing to
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: possibly get hurt, to be loved fully, and to be
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: in it fully and really really appreciate it and have it.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: You know, it's the hardest things in life, can be
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: the most painful sometimes, but you have to be willing to.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: So you're saying the risk is worth the reward, or
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: can be. It can be Absolutely, that's great about it.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: I mean I feel like I it's not easy. It's
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: not easy, and you're right.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: I mean, I you think the road less traveled is
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: called the road less traveled for a reason because it's
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: the harder road to take.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: Damn, how did you get to be so smart? I
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: year's a failure. Yeah, well, you know, I'm not afraid
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: to fail at this point in my life. I don't
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: think I'm afraid to fail. I think I'm afraid. I
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: think I'm afraid to be accepted for who I am.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: Not afraid that it can't that that's going to be
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: really hard because I'm not your typical woman. I know that,
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: and that's why, that's why all the that's the genesis
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: of all these questions. I think I didn't I was special.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: I'm just different from a lot of my single friends.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: But you are. But don't say that you're not special. Like, no,
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: I'm saying I'm not. I'm not. You know, it's a
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: loaded term. I'm saying I know who I am. I've
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: done a lot of therapy. I am so clear about
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: who I am and what I want. But I think
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: sometimes that gets lost in the translation.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: Well, and I'm sure a lot of times too, that
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: will sort of cloud situations where you meet with somebody
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: because you're so set on I am not going to
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: be who I don't want to be and this is
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: about me now and I'm going to you know, this
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: is my power and I'm going to take and you
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: can almost It's like putting a big log on a
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: tiny fire.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Wow, you know. I mean, I should be paying for
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: this therapy session, right, but I charge so much money.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: I'm worth it. I'm worth it.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: But I think it's I think it's really important to
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: identify what you really want.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: I know exactly what.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: It's a real honest, loving relationship. You need to be
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: willing to put yourself out for it. You need to
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: be willing to take risks for it, and you need
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: to be willing to listen. I'm just heartedly jump in
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: and go Okay, like this could hurt at the end,
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: but this could be amazing.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: But I'm also to remember I was married very young.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: I was twenty, so I'm just learning now. I mean,
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: I've got a bunch of other questions that sound so
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: inane given what we're talking about. No, but, but, but
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: and yet and yet there are questions that are real
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: ways to approach the whole idea of dating, if that
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: makes sense. And so like, I'm not going to a bar.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: I mean, I go to lots of bars. I get it.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: I totally get it. I go to lots of bars.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: But to meet a guy. I hate dating apps. I
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: don't want them. You know, I've met a few guys that.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: But but to meet the kind of guy I want
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: my it's not the same that you want to share
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: your life that you want it's not the same as
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: a So when I think about, you know, do I
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: want to go into a bar and say, hey, Brian,
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: can I buy you? Know, what's your name, whatever it is,
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: you know, can I buy you a drink? Like? I'm
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: not that kind of and I'm not. I'm from New England.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: I'm a Boston girl. I'm a Yankee girl, which means
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: I say what I think, I mean what I say,
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: and I come off. Some people will tell me I'm rude.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: I'm just direct. I don't play games, so you can
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: see that doesn't know what's play well, so walking up
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: to some guy and say, hey, you know it's your
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: name Joe or whatever, like that's really playing games to me.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: And so I want your opinion. How do I How
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: do I tweak that? How do I I? So it's
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: funny that you said that, because I've had this conversation
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: with people before. I'm from Los Angeles and I've had
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: a conversation with people before about Oh, I love New
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: York because they're just they're honest there and they just
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: tell it like it is. And I always have that
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: question comes into my mind of are they being honest
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: or are they just being rude to because it's easier
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: for them.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: It's easier to just be kind of blunt and whatever
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: and act like you don't care what anybody.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: But I don't think I'm ever rude. I take it.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: I am. I try to always be kind of people,
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: and that's not if you say, what do you think?
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: Or I'm joking I'm a joke. But I don't tolerate rudeness.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: I'm I would never describe myself as right.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: I agree like I don't tolerate rudeness either. I I
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: work really hard, I live consciously every day to make
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: sure that I am kind to everybody that I'm around,
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: even if I'm having a bad day.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, me too, because you don't know what kind of
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: day they're having.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: I always say to people like, the only control that
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: I feel like I have in life is the person
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: I choose.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: To be when you're living it. Yep, I agree. And
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: all the time, right, I do all those things. I
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: wake up grateful for life. I thank God every day
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: I find something to be grateful about. But here's what
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: I get a lot of. I live in Texas, you know,
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: and Southern. I'll meet Southern men and they'll say, you know,
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: I recently met a guy who said, you're so refreshing
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: because you know, I was married to a Southern bell
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: and I'm done with Southern bells. I don't want someone
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: to want me because I'm the opposite of what they had, right.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: I want somebody wants me for me being me. But
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: it's at my age it's really hard. I don't It's like,
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: as you get older, you don't have all the tools,
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: all the not tools. I don't even know how to
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: say it. You don't have access to the game changes.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: It's you know, the board, the game, the board of
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: the game changes. It's like that instead of I mean,
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: I got all these metaphors. Instead of fifty two cards
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: in the deck, let's cut it down to about ten
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: cards in the deck because we're not wasting time with
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: you know, hi, my name is. You look like Joe.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: So I struggle with being who I am and hoping
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: that a guy sees through it.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: Why don't you try making a choice, because that's all,
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: that's all it is. I learned in therapy, like the
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: things that I wasn't that I wasn't good at, that
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: was that was who I was. I try now to
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: be the person I want to be compared to the
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: person that I am. So I would suggest maybe just
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: really making a very poignant choice to be emotionally honest
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: with people and sit and go you know this, like
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: I normally don't connect this way. I normally don't talk.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: I don't want you to feel put out or or
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: feel like or feel like I don't genuinely like you
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: and want to try this, But I'm very I've been
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: through a lot of my life.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: So what's too soon? What's too soon to say those things?
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: Because I say that from the very beginning, I say,
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: you start that way, and and then and then if
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: I get your too much, they don't. If you get
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: your too much, that is not somebody you want to
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: be with anyway. But you you, you act that way
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: and you speak that way in the hopes that somebody
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: really genuinely appreciates who you are and the person you're
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: trying to be. And they go, oh, I like that,
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: you said that, and thank you for telling me that.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: And so now they've got that in their back pockets,
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: so they they don't take things personally, which again, like
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: we said before, we tend to do as human beings.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: Your advice, I wish you could be inside my head
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: because a lot of what you're saying, like even this
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: conversation's hard for me to be honest because you've seen me.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: I'm a joke a minute, I'm sure, just because that's
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: easy for me, It's totally I've been this way in
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: my whole life. And so but I do let people in.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: I do let people in. But you know the guys
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: that say to me, oh, you're so funny, it's like
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: make me laugh, you know, it's sometimes I let a
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: man in too soon. That's what I struggle with when
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: and you just answered the question when is it too soon?
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: I guess the answer is it's never too sin, never
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: too soon. It's never too sin.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: It's it's better to jump right into it and then
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: know right away. Okay, I'm not going to waste time
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: on this anymore then to sit and to try and
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: like put on a happy face and drag it out
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: for three weeks and then all of a sudden be
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: kind of emotionally connected to it and then be heartbroken
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: if things don't work.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, So, knowing me as you do, because now we're
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: fast friends, what knowing my person, what's the biggest red
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: flag I should look up for that's not going to
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: serve me well? For you?
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, somebody, that's somebody that is not going to appreciate
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: your honesty. That to me, you are who you are
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: and you are special because of that. So you want
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: to make sure that you find someone that appreciates and
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: loves that and and gets that sense of like, God,
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: I know I can I know I can trust you
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: because you're not going to bullshit me. And now that
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: I know you and I have had this conversation and
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: we've really connected, like I know and.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: I have your fiancee's phone number I have to have
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: a look over.
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I know that like you and I could
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: talk at any point no matter what is going on
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: in your life or what life is going on in
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: my life, that will have this.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Do you think people Do you think people appreciate
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: the honesty for sure?
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: Okay, I think I think people appreciate, uh, anything that
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: normalizes and makes them feel like they're not so alone.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, I didn't expect to get this. I mean, I
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: don't think anyone's gonna be listening to this podcast. But
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: but you know what, maybe someone will listen to it
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: who I care about or who cares about me and
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: will say, wow, now I get it. That is my hope.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: That's not that one person heres.
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: So because none of what I'm saying is anything that
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: I found on that I came up with on my own.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: This is all.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: These are all things that I've heard and little things
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: that people have said that have become light bulb moments
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: where I go, it's not nearly as hard.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah it should it shouldn't be. Okay, Well, I there
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: are I probably have another one hundred questions that I
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: could ask you. And I mean that, like I've I
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: wrote a bunch of questions because I just you know,
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: you're you're not a twenty year old and and and
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: you've been through life, You've had children, you've had divorce.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: Say is you have a lot of wisdom that comes
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: with age. So will you maybe come back and do
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: another podcast with me? Okay, I'm gonna save my question. Absolutely,
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: thank you, I.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: Really thank you, or you'll come up with new ones
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: now that we have the friendship that we do.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I really appreciate you sitting down and talking with me,
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: and I mean that, Brian, Thanks, thanks so much. Do
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: you need some advice straight from a man? Call us
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: or email us. All the infos in the show notes.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: Follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and review
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: the podcast. I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: falling in love is the main objective.