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Creativity as Medicine: What Happens When We Finally Share Our Truth with Leah Morris · Healing Her Story with Riva Jean-Paul

• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Hello everyone, welcome to today's episode of the Healing Her Story podcast.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: I am so honored and excited to be here today with not only an incredible leader and mother, also just a dear friend.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like I've known this woman my whole life, even though we've only known each other for such a short period of time.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: And we had that just kind of instant magical connection.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: We speak the same language.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember the first time we went to a little cacao shop here where we both live in Sacramento.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And we both, like within like 20 minutes, I think we're just in tears talking about our mothers.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew right away, like, okay, like this is a really special woman.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I had just gotten out of a couple of friendships that were a little toxic and difficult.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so it was so refreshing to meet this woman coming out of that.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: And she's really given me hope for deep and meaningful and authentic connections.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: And as we've been getting to know each other, we've like shared shared a lot of our passions for creativity as well, which is what we'll be talking about today.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm really excited for you to hear her story and to receive some of her wisdom today.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Leah Morris is a transformational coach.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: She serves as a guiding light for those who feel lost, numb, unfulfilled, and limited.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: At the age of 30, after enduring heartbreak, loss, self-sabotage, low self-esteem, and a painful divorce, Leah asked herself, is this all I deserve out of life?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Seeking the answer set her on a profound journey of self-discovery.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: She understood that she had lived her life feeling powerless and disconnected from her true feelings and desires.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Her awakening brought invaluable insights, enabling her to step into her own power and embrace the wisdom of her inner voice.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Leah created the Life Remade Method, a version of her own awakening process to help others accelerate their personal transformative journeys.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: She combines trusted coaching techniques, powerful meditations, including hypnosis, and actionable tools for building inner strength.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Drawing on her educational background in communication studies, her certifications in transformational life coaching, integrative somatic trauma therapy, hypnotherapy, and her heightened perception, Leah creates a space where a person's inner truth arises to guide them.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Leah, welcome to the show.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you so much.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_04: I was just letting all those words kind of land.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_04: And I love thinking about when we first met, too.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_04: That's not something that I've necessarily talked to you about.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_04: So it's nice to just kind of relive that a little bit.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_04: And when you were saying, you know, I it feels like we've known each other forever, it truly does.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_04: Like it it has felt that way for a while now.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_04: So yeah, I'm just so excited that you asked me to talk with you today on your podcast.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_04: And I've loved listening to your episodes.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm excited to be part of one.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I think that you it's been on my mind for a while.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's all about just timing.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm glad the timing worked out and yeah, happy to have you on today.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, me too.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I'm glad it worked out too.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_04: Timing wise, I you mentioned that I'm a mother, and that is something that has been like a huge um thing that I've been still learning how to balance and you know, maintain my sense of self in the midst of that.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_04: And uh I promised myself like back before I even got pregnant that I was not gonna be one of those people that just you know gets swept away in that role.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_04: Um obviously getting swept away to a certain degree, but being able to like anchor back in who I am, no matter what hat I'm wearing, super important to me.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I see that, and I really admire that about you.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 6:24
  unknown: Yeah.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Leah, I always ask everyone when they come on, the very first question is tell us your story.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: And you're welcome to share as much or as little as you would like to share.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: And um, yeah, whatever you feel is relevant for our conversation today.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I think that you shared a lot of my like the Cliff Note version of my story um during my introduction.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_04: And I have recently done some work that I would love to like chat more about on this um on this recording that makes me feel like I don't quite relate to the story anymore.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_04: And has really that like detachment from the story has really started to shift a lot of things for me personally.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_04: Um but that happened literally like a couple weeks ago, and I think up until that point, um I have thought a lot of the things that you shared in terms of you know feeling like my emotions were too much or a burden, but taking on everyone else's as a responsibility um without I guess without enough consideration for my capacity.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_04: And over the past, I would say nine years or so, I have really tried to dismantle a lot of those belief systems.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_04: Um and I think little by little just become more and more autonomous in in the way that I share my energy and like who I share it to.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_04: But it's interesting to see, especially leading up until the past couple weeks, it's interesting to see still after nine years, how many ways I I have continued to I guess not guard, not guard myself enough, and not also I guess permit myself to fully express.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_04: Um so my story, I think starts like a lot of people's in childhood, just the relationship I had with my caregivers and kind of finding myself taking care of my caregivers in some ways, especially emotionally, um because of the things that they were going through in life, and thinking that I had to to do that, I had to put my my emotions aside as a four or five, six-year-old, um, so that they could feel comforted.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_04: And I started to overly identify with that and became an adult who was just martyring herself left and right.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and I remember telling myself so many times, why does this keep happening to me?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_04: Why does this keep happening to me?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_04: Why do I almost as if the world was happening to me, right?
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_04: And I think when I started to really see myself as the common denominator and see that I had choices, then I could start to shift those people that kept happening to me into I'm only going to surround myself with these types of people or these in in you know with this capacity or in these contexts, and so many things just started to shift.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and so I found myself as a life coach about eight years ago now, and I was becoming a life coach in the midst of me figuring all this out.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_04: As you notice, like nine years ago is kind of when it started, and I became a life coach eight years ago.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_04: And so I feel like I have constantly worked with people who were maybe just a couple steps behind me, and so I've never felt like a someone who has all the answers and never felt like that.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_04: It's always just felt like here, let me share with you how I got to where I am and continue to grow sort of alongside them in a lot of ways.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_04: Um so that's my story up until now.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_04: And I feel like, like I said, it's just shifted so much recently that um it's a very different story now.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I really hear that, and I can relate to that as well.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I understand what you mean by like doing enough healing work inside of yourself where like the stories change, like you're not saying the same story anymore.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really beautiful.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's what part of this whole show is about.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: So you really are an embodiment of of what we're doing here on the show is rewriting our stories in a way that is more empowering and that feels more true to who we really are.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I love that for you.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, stories are so important to really look at and reflect on.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_04: So I love that that's the the whole point of your podcast.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_04: Um yeah.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, beautiful.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thanks for sharing.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's always really nice to know where people come from.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I love how you shared the connection to your earliest relationships with your caretakers and how that shapes so much of our adult life, whether we want to look at it or deal with it or name it or not.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it does.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, I really hear this just little one that had to be so strong.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and yeah, just had to really like put yourself aside for the sake of other people, which is is hard.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I also don't think you're alone in that, especially as women.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I think women around, you know, our age with parents from um, I don't know if it's it's probably not the boomer or maybe I don't think it's boomer, but whatever generation is about the generation of of our parents.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think that's a very common threat.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: I hear a lot of my clients talk about that as well.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_04: Mm-hmm.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_04: Mm-hmm.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_04: And that interests me.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_04: That really interests me.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_04: Like why why?
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_04: Why is it like that?
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, conversations we're always having on this show.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because yeah, I I mean, it's we we do what we know, right?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so if that's the way that they were taken care of, then it stands to work when they go on to have kids, then um, yeah, that's what they're gonna teach to their kids too.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: I think just like our level of like consciousness has just um evolved so quickly and so much over the last um, you know, maybe 30, 40, 50 years, people just aren't aware of the things that they are now.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, people weren't aware of the things back then that they're of now.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: And if you think of even like like trauma, right?
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like people didn't know anything about trauma 10, 15 years ago, and now all of a sudden everybody knows everything about trauma.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I think just with time, um, we evolved.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: So hopefully we can kind of continue that ripple effect and and send it in the other direction.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, agree.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_04: I think it also is like maybe those patterns that were being repeated that even started before our parents, there was no name for them until more recently, like you're saying, and just becoming conscious has given us choice.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_04: And so we we can choose to evolve, we can choose to stop the cycle.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm thinking about that a lot these days with my daughter.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_04: So yeah, yeah, that's lots of that coming up.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, definitely.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, well, it's interesting timing too.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: We're just we're recording this during cancer season.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that show will be this episode will be airing a little bit later during Leo season, and we're here to talk about creativity today.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: But I love this piece of martyrism um that you brought in as well, because that's something we've been discussing on the show this past cycle.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um this idea of taking care of ourselves and not doing it at the expense of ourselves, because that is not always helpful to the people that we are taking care of, nor is it helpful for ourselves either.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_04: Mm-hmm.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_04: Mm-hmm.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so bringing that in.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that is interesting.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: All in divine, I don't yeah, I agree.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_04: It's all the timing really, really has worked out.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Beautiful.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Well, why what inspired me to bring you on today, Leah, is we've been having, you know, conversations about um art and creativity.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that you have recently kind of just like come out of the closet as a you have recently brought some of your self-portraits out to share in the world.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm wondering if you could tell us about these paintings and what you were maybe processing or expressing when you made them.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my gosh, I am so excited to talk about this.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so I think the very first time I ever truly like painted to express something that I was feeling.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_04: Um it was almost 20 years ago.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_04: And I didn't quite even know it at the time that that's what I was doing.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_04: I just I'd always been I'd always considered myself a good artist or a good creative person.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_04: Um ever since I was a little kid, I I felt like I was really good with those like fine motor skills.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_04: But in terms of painting something that didn't look like anything around me or was more of you know a feeling, an intangible thing, that wasn't something I'd ever done.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_04: And also to not judge it against anything else, just to have it be and have it exist and for the sole purpose of just me using it as a tool.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_04: Um and so all of my paintings since then have been uh self-portraits in one way or another, and um, I think only one of them truly even looks like the live version of me, but the rest of them are very abstract and um and I feel like to describe me is I guess it's in those paintings, the journey that I've been on.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_04: And you can even see like you can see my evolution in what it is that I paint.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_04: And I didn't actually even realize this until I think it was about I want to say six years ago, I had one painting up that I felt confident ever hanging, and um altogether now I have about uh 11, 10 or 11.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_04: And I had one up that's very abstract woman, and she's dancing sort of in the moonlight, and she has these long flowy arms that kind of resemble wings in a way, or a ripple in the in the sky, and I had it hanging up because it it felt good to me.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_04: It would it represented like freedom and I I had a uh guest come over once, and it was a friend of somebody that I was dating, so it wasn't even like a close relationship.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_04: And he stopped in front of the painting and he just stared at it and stared at it, and I started to feel myself sweat, and he was like, Who painted this?
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, I did.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_04: It's like in my house, and I'm like, it was me.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_04: Um he's like, This is incredible, and I was like, Really?
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_04: And he was like, I had no idea you were a painter, and I was like, Oh yeah, they're all in the closet, and he was like, There's more, and he was like, Bring them all out, and I was like, Oh my god, what have I done?
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_04: And so I brought them all out, and I sort of leaned them up against the wall, and he really took his time looking at each of them, and with one of them, it was the first one I'd ever done 20 years ago.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_04: He picked it up and he started crying.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm I was like, oh my god, like I uh I had no idea that uh I don't even I didn't even know what to do with that.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_04: I was like in my mind, I thought hide all of these parts of yourself away, it's too much for people.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_04: No one's gonna get it.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_04: And this is your personal stuff, this is private stuff.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_04: Um but in that moment I kind of realized that it my expression helped him to access some part of himself that wasn't accessible without seeing it.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_04: And he started saying, You're an artist, you're an artist, and I was like, Oh, thank you, and in my mind, no, I'm not, yeah, I'm not an artist, and so that was kind of always my belief about myself was these are too much, these are too personal, I need to keep them hidden.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and maybe every once in a while there'll be a person that comes along who might want to see them, but I'm not gonna push them on anybody.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_04: Push them on anybody is what I believed about them.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_04: Um and so fast forward to now, I kept painting intermittently during some of my biggest life transitions, like um healing the relationship with my mother, um having a miscarriage, uh giving birth and having my daughter Eden.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_04: So there's been big shifts in my life that have happened that have prompted me to paint another portrait.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_04: Um and a few weeks ago, I started doing a couple EMDR sessions, and my therapist was like, Well, what do you what what do you want to work on?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_04: What's the belief?
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_04: And I said, I want to work on the belief that I am too much and or that my emotions aren't good enough to be shared.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_04: And that was wild.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_04: I have always been drawn to the idea of EMDR, but I've never just taken that step forward.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_04: And so I did a couple sessions and I walked away from it with the new belief that I get to decide how much space that I take up.
• 23:47
  unknown: Yes.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_04: And I truly firmly believe that in my bone marrow.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_04: And immediately was like, I am going to put my hair on an exhibit.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_01: I loved it.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_04: And I don't feel I feel so deserving of that.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_04: And I feel like whoever sees it deserves to see it.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_04: And it almost almost has nothing to do with me, people's perception of that.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_04: It's it's done.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_04: And they can take what they want and leave what doesn't resonate.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_04: And that's it.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_04: And it's just such a liberating feeling to be able to truly believe that.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_04: And I think that again, the timing was really perfect because the moment I reached out to the space that I wanted it to be in, they immediately messaged back and said, Bring it in and bring as many as you want.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_04: And you can hang them wherever you want.
• 24:56
  unknown: Amazing.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_04: So, and it's up indefinitely.
• 25:00
  unknown: Wow.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_04: So it's like, oh yeah.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's great.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so yeah, that's where I'm at now.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: Amazing.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, so much there.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: I hadn't had a chance to like hear that whole um, yeah, just like the buildup to actually putting them out there.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I I found myself very touched by the story you shared about um was it a friend's someone that they were dating?
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: Is that right?
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: Someone, my ex-boyfriend's friend.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: Gotcha.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and having him see your art and then being moved to tears.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: I just thought that was so beautiful.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: Especially like when it's a self-portrait, like you don't always think that someone is going to like, or at least that's not what I would think, that like you know, they would find something in the the painting that would make them connect with something inside themselves.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it did.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I think that can be such a beautiful piece of sharing art.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I really see sharing art as a service, um, or can be, where it's not just about you, it's about the viewer and and what you can touch inside of them.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I really love that you shared that piece as well.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: And the bit about the EMDR session too, I had no idea that that was what kind of led to you wanting to share your paintings.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so interesting how life in the universe just like works in our favor when we just like meet it halfway and all the timing with the people you reached out to and they said bring it right in.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's just incredible to see like how life can really work in your favor when you start making those little tiny baby increments and steps.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: So just a really beautiful story of synchronicity and courage and yeah, really celebrating you in this moment.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I do believe in that the synchronicities just really start to pop up when you are on that that aligned path.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_04: And that was so affirming to me that I mean my goal was I'm gonna have it up by the end of the year somewhere.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_04: And so does for the very next day.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, I need another goal.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: So cool.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I also love like how you approached your self-portraits to having them be different representations of where you were in your journey.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I also I create art in that way, where it's like there's always like some meaning or some intention behind it, and so I love that you create in that way as well.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, beautiful.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_00: When was that?
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: What was the most recent one you've done?
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_04: The most recent one I've done is called actually it was, it is the only self-portrait or the only piece that I've ever painted over.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_04: So I actually painted this piece um in 2022, and it never felt finished to me.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_04: And it was a woman or it was me, and she has sort of like a cape over her that looked like a butterfly wings, and um I just never knew what to do with it, and I tried to be finished with it because sometimes when I don't know what to do with it, it means I don't need to do anything else.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_04: Sure, yeah, and so I tried to hang it on my wall and and it just never quite felt done.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_04: And then um, about a month ago, maybe a couple months ago, I took it back out and I said, I'm gonna paint my next self-portrait over this.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but what I ended up doing was just painting half over half of her um in black and then covered it in flowers.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_04: And you can see the face peeking through the flowers, um, but it feels very much like a like I'm in full bloom.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, that's what I was just feeling.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, and and it makes sense that it's on top of an old portrait that didn't feel quite finished, and it makes sense that she was this kind of like wet butterfly, and now it's just you know, this beautiful garden.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so yeah, I did that a couple months ago.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and I'm I'm holding on to both of the names of it because I feel that those are important and the journey of the painting feels relevant to why it has meaning.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: She's always gonna make her appearance.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, wow, that is so cool how you painted over half of it, or sounds like maybe most of it.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, just with that little face peeking out and the flowers and you being in your full bloom, and that makes, like you said, so much sense with the baby and your book and just all of the things that you've created in your life since you started creating those self-portraits.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, thank you.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it actually resembles too.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_04: I did.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_04: I painted it, yeah, in the summer.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: And the summer is a time of it's associated with the full moon, which is a time of the full bloom, the blooming.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: So there's that timing again.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I feel very much in tune with the moons and in terms of um just kind of what's coming up and what is unfolding around me.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_04: Um yeah, oftentimes I'll talk to you and share something that's coming up, and you're like, well, that aligns with the moons.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_04: Of course it does.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, were you gonna say something else before I asked that?
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I was just gonna add that that latest one, if you I'm envisioning it now in my mind, but the very first painting that I ever did, it's very similar in that it's the way that it's composed with the face and being surrounded.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and so it's interesting to just I'm kind of thinking about that now in terms of the similarities and the differences at the same time.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_04: Um yeah, it's it's interesting because I think I've maybe always seen myself in a certain way and it hasn't fully come into full clarity.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_04: Um and I think that's what I've always I've always been trying to find in my paintings, is more of who I am.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_04: And I think in my most recent one, it's it's such a reflection of just yeah, the present and where I am, and it's very clear and um outlined in a lot of ways.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, you're saying the most recent one is similar to the first one you did.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_04: Very first one I've ever done, yeah.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's really interesting.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't mean it for I didn't mean for that to be, but yeah, interesting to think about.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, so many like yeah, little webs of connection in this whole experience for you.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: It makes me really excited to continue hearing about it.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_00: So these paintings stayed in the closet for years because you felt like you were too much, it was too personal, not something meant to be shared, maybe wasn't, um, maybe not that it wasn't good enough, but that no one would really take interest in it.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm curious now that you're, you know, on the other side of that, how are you feeling about it now being in public?
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: Or how did it feel to see them out in public and to be seen in that way?
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I immediately felt relief like I've done like I've done my job almost.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_04: It felt like it felt wrong to have them hidden for ever and ever.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_04: And it just now it feels like a huge relief um to have them be breathing and living out in the world and um however I think that a lot of that relief feeling is a new feeling.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_04: And I think that the old me would have been extremely terrified and just really pep talking myself into keeping them up, and um I can hold my emotions pretty steadily if I know that it's for it's it's like if I know that what I'm doing is uncomfortable for a good reason, like I can hold myself pretty steady in the midst of that.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_04: Um but I don't feel that at all.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_04: I don't feel panicky, I don't feel nervous, um I feel like they were mine as I was painting them, and immediately as they came out of me, they became their own energy.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_04: And yeah, I've um I've even had some conversations that I thought might also trigger me about my endeavors with, you know, one of my good friends, with my mother, with um even my partner.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_04: And I think I've always searched for approval in all these people.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_04: And when you do that, I think what you're what you're really saying is I I don't trust myself.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_04: And I think that getting their responses now, I wasn't surprised.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_04: But what I was surprised about was how I felt about it.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_04: How I felt and responded to their responses.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_04: It just didn't feel it almost felt like an experiment in a way of like, oh, that's what's coming up for you.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_04: And my art is meant to elicit something, and most art tends to.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and so I'm not surprised to see some like projections coming out or some fears coming through them, kind of aimed towards me.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and it's like that's not mine.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_04: That's not mine.
• 37:30
  unknown: Yeah.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm so glad I'm able to separate that now.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so curious to hear more about this.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe um, yeah, you may or may not feel comfortable going into it, but yeah, would you feel comfortable sharing a little bit about what what was coming up for these people who you shared this with?
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_04: Mm-hmm.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it was something different for everyone.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_04: Um, my friend that helped me, and these conversations happened in the midst of them really helping me actually to put this together.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_04: Which which I knew was supportive in nature.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_04: But the first conversation was more like what's the point of this?
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_04: What's what's your end goal?
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_04: And it was like, this is something that felt very uh like I'm used to that from this friend.
• 38:45
  unknown: Yeah.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_04: Um almost that everything needs to have some point.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_04: And um which is interesting because she's also she's a painter as well.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_04: But I think that again, there's this uh projection there of like uh yeah, the the point is that I that I that I do it.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_04: That's that's it.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_03: That's the point.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's the point.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_04: And um I could feel the tension in her as she received my my relaxation into that.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_04: Like it made her uncomfortable to see how calm I was about it.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_04: And that made it clear for me, like, oh, this is not about mine.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_04: And then um with my mother, um I was surprised that she didn't say more.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_04: But a lot of my art is of like nude figures, and um I know that she's uncomfortable with that.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_04: And the the painting that looks most like me is the biggest, it's like five feet tall and and uh it's big and it looks like me, and I'm not clothed, and I have a big sort of bouquet of flowers coming out of my root, and she asks me why I put I've ever put that up and if I had ever.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_04: And I know she tries to understand because she doesn't want to offend me, but the jaw clenching, the an inability to be with the painting, yeah, it it's all very interesting to watch, and I'm so attuned to her emotions because this is who I was this was my initial person that I took care of emotionally, and so her discomfort has always bothered me, and I've always wanted to make her more comfortable, yeah, and so it was nice to not feel that uh need from myself and just to let her have that experience, um and then with my partner the question I didn't know you considered yourself an artist.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't know you called yourself an artist.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, wow, and I was like, why does that actually matter?
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah why does that have anything to do with and in fact I I am I do I do consider myself that um but it's just an interesting question, these different questions um that I think with the same experience, the same context, the different questions person to person really reflect to me that the art is doing its job.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, yes, right?
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, um because I'll end this with someone reached out to me personally saying that they were in the space recently, yeah, saw the images or saw the paintings, and they feel like they have this newfound appreciation for their body and their ability to birth their children.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and it was like this is this is what it's about, this is the point.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, yeah, yeah, it's so interesting to see like art, it really does bring up a lot in people.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I I feel like you can see it more in these kind of more intimate um situations.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe like just in our day-to-day life, if we're not heavily involved in the arts, we're not, you know, really thinking about it.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_00: Or if we are involved in the arts, we may take for granted how um how okay we can feel in our own creativity.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because we do, from what I understand, you know, we get conditioned these ideas of of art.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what is good art, what is bad art.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, you're not an artist unless you're you're making money.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, all of these different things that people believe about art.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it reminds me, yeah, of an interaction I had at a class at Sac City in my mural painting class.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_00: And uh this older man in the class and really special, interesting fella.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_00: We'll just leave what it's and he's talking to me and he and he's like, Well, you know, are you an artist?
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Oh yeah, I'm an artist.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, What makes you an artist?
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Well, like, I don't know, because like that's what I'm choosing, and I show up and I make art, and I, you know, and it was funny, like I kind of felt myself kind of justifying, like, well, you know, I do this, and I do just like I kind of fell into that same trap too, feeling like I needed to um, yeah, kind of like justify, like, well, yeah, I'm an artist.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_00: So it is really interesting to see how just stepping into your artistry and into your creativity and just putting yourself, just the just the act of putting yourself out there immediately can start to kind of like ruffle some feathers, especially to the people who are closest to us who, you know, maybe have their own ideas of of who we are and and what we should or shouldn't be doing.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so interesting.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's so true though, like with those closer relationships and how I think sometimes it can maybe like even cause rifts in connection.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_04: Um or you know, a closer knowing, a closer bond.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_04: Which yeah, it's just so interesting to me that these these paintings that I never intended to show a single soul.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_04: just rocking and rolling in the world now.
• 45:41
  unknown: Yeah.
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I I'm also remembering our conversation too about the about the frames.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm wondering if we could kind of talk about that a little bit because I remember sharing how it did really give you this um added confidence putting your paintings up.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_04: I'm so glad you I asked you for some suggestion and that you suggested that because um it really allowed me to feel I guess a sense of I want to say good confidence in the painting and to say it's done.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_04: This is how it is and there's something about the frame that feels like it contains all of the like all of the fluidity that's in the painting and all of the the you know things that are left up to interpretation and it just kind of adds that like focus point of I guess of your awareness when you look at it.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_04: And so I'm really glad that you suggested that because once I saw them in their frames and they all have sort of different frames um it almost felt like they've been waiting for that this whole time to to be framed.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_04: So yeah very interesting what I can't remember what exactly you said that was the reason for that suggestion.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah so this came from one of my um professors my children art uh professor this last semester um Margaret Wheatley um she talked about frames being boundaries for your works of art because as you've already named here like you create something and and it's it's like yours in the process and then once it's done and it's created it's kind of like its own thing.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so as we go to put it you know out in the world to interact with people to be projected upon to like you know like physically interact with people like you know if you're taking like when I had you know painting assignments and I had to like work on this painting and then take it to school right um not so much for like a big acrylic piece but for like watercolor like if it's raining outside like it's gonna rain and that watercolor is going to be gone.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_00: So how do we protect our these little beings you know when they go out into the world and that's um where the frames came in and I never wanted to frame anything that I had created not because I didn't want to but because I hadn't heard about it in that way and because boundaries are so sacred to me and just an ongoing piece of my work um I was like ooh yes boundaries and I love that your paintings have these boundaries on them as people are you know yeah yeah yeah definitely and I think I I like that about the boundaries and about sort of that protective energy around it and I think it also oh what was I gonna say I feel like it also adds sort of this it escaped me.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_00: We'll have to come back to it.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah that's okay if it floats back in we can drop it back in yeah I was just looking at the time too and I don't know how it's written this much time since we've started I was like wow I feel like we could continue this conversation for uh quite a bit longer but I'll ask a few more questions if that's okay as we start kind of yeah making our way towards the end of the episode and what's really cool too about some of these questions is that they get kind of answered as we're going through our conversation.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm curious if you feel like um this whole process has really helped you to reclaim parts of yourself that were buried or silenced.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah I was feeling that I yeah for sure I definitely feel that anytime you speak out and get it out of your body and get it out of your the nebulous cloud that is our thoughts at all times and you just like exit it out of your body in a way it's it feels so much better.
• 50:45
  SPEAKER_04: So much um weight has like the weight has been lifted and I think that in that I've I've reclaimed a lot more freedom to express and reclaimed a lot more just again autonomy over like I get to decide how much space I take period and um and I think that that's been like the main thing that I've reclaimed.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah that's really beautiful I could definitely feel that reclamation as we've been kind of going through the story today.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah that felt really strong to me beautiful I love how art can do that another little nugget of wisdom from Professor Wheatley she shared um you know as like because I I teach art that when we're we're teaching art we're we're giving people back the freedom to express themselves 100% yeah and I am actually doing a paper right now on the connection between using art as a sort of healing tool but also as a way to identify when kids I'm so I'm in a master's program for school counseling and it I think creativity is something that can be hard to access if you don't have secure attachment.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah and that makes a lot it's the thing that we need the most in those situations as well to be able to feel resilient to take risks with our expression and so um yeah absolutely I think that it's a healing tool as you use it and as you offer it it's a way to help others as well I had never heard about it in that way um yeah really needing this it makes sense to have this strong base of of safety so that you do feel safe enough to experiment with putting yourself out there.
• 53:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah it sounds like a great paper yeah well you've you've mentioned it already um I know you've recently become a mother and I'm curious how or if this experience has shaped or reshaped your relationship to your creativity yeah so having my daughter Eden um has been so healing like just every day it feels like a I want to say like I'm ringing my childhood by the way that I'm offering her my mother ring if that makes sense um and just the ability to be attuned to her emotions and to show her what it looks like to regulate my own and to express my own and to paint and she actually hung the photos strapped to me or not photos she hung the paintings in the space for the exhibit with me and it just felt like right for her to to see me in that and to see me being all of who I am and not just a caretaker.
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yes but um in doing something that doesn't have a point uh I think that's really important actually and uh and I feel like because I'm you know she's my my first and only child it feels like I'm having to access different like innovative ideas every day on what we can do together and how to problem solve with her and um and also how to really recreate myself as a as a as a woman and a new mother.
• 55:26
  SPEAKER_04: And so there's all these different versions of creativity that are kind of coming up as a result of of birthing her and I think the ultimate form of creativity for me has been the like birthing her.
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah the ultimate creative act it's like I so I wrote a book a couple years ago and I used to call that like my baby my book baby.
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah and it's this like you know slow process and you're slowly the gestation of a book is you know is a it's a process and then finally the launch of it and the publication of it and I think now with the with actual baby um there are some similarities like in a lot of ways metaphorically in terms of that creative process as well.
• 56:27
  SPEAKER_00: So would you say that your creativity has helped you in your mothering yes um because when you are a mother you have to really learn how to trust and surrender and I feel that creativity has given me those tools and just learning how to say I don't have it figured out but let's give this a shot it's life is just this big experiment at this point.
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah and I'm just constantly gonna refine and refine and refine and um to not be afraid of making mistakes and to know that there are there are really no mistakes at the end of it.
• 57:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's just an unfolding constantly yeah so yeah very thankful for having that be a part of my toolkit yeah that's really lovely to hear and it um yeah it makes me excited for my own motherhood journey and how I can bring my own creativity into that process.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_00: I love what you said about like creative problem solving too because that's what we're doing when we're making art we're solving problems.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you get that practice in your creativity then you can bring that to anything else really.
• 57:59
  SPEAKER_00: Beautiful well Leah for women listening who are afraid to share their voice or their gifts what would you say to them such a good question I think that if you're afraid to share your voice or share your gifts um I mean I can definitely relate to that and I think that it's important to face those fears and doubts with just love.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_04: Like love yourself harder paint more cry more do cook more however it is that you create and express and like work through whatever is coming up for you um whatever gift that you have love it more and I think with your love that's what can set the fear free and set you free to express it.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_04: And I think yeah just kind of acknowledging that fear of vulnerability and and fear of of sharing things that feel so sacred sounds really warranted to me.
• 59:42
  SPEAKER_04: It sounds pretty you know like a valid fear valid concern yeah um and just to know that I don't know I I want to say that like that's not yours.
• 59:59
  SPEAKER_04: That that fear is not yours that's been passed down to you.
• 1:00:03
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah um and which is why love is so important and which is why it's the only thing for me I feel that truly has allowed me to to come out of the closet and to put my art out is because I I I fell in love with my own sense of expression and my own gifts.
• 1:00:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I love that that those are just yeah really wonderful words really touched my heart too thinking that love and that compassion and that gentleness and yeah moving through it in that way beautiful I imagine like if I would have been shown just pure unconditional love in my own emotional expression yeah that that fear probably wouldn't exist.
• 1:00:52
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah so that reparenting I think really comes comes in handy.
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yes most definitely yeah it makes me curious to like know or see what a world would be like where we are all given that unconditional love.
• 1:01:11
  SPEAKER_00: How different the world would be yeah my God yeah well you've you've mentioned your book and I'm curious how the work you do um with your creativity also carries over to the work you do as a coach yeah I like to say that I have a um sixth sense um in pattern recognition um when I hear people saying certain things in their the way that they express their stories um habits language people that they're choosing to interact with I like to see sort of this 360 image in my mind of you know I think of like a detective kind of connecting yarn to the little thumb tacks and how it's all connected.
• 1:02:19
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah um and I think that like part of creativity is almost like seeing something before it exists and um or at least like letting it unfold um in real time but having it all be cohesive and connected at the same time and I think that I don't know if I'm making total sense in my explanation of this but um I think that that definitely helps me in coaching is to be able to really like deeply listen in here and pay attention and start to piece together things you know in my mind um and then present that to my client as a as something to reflect on and usually seeing it from that perspective that zoomed out perspective can really help them to find answers to things that um they may not have had otherwise so yeah I could I could see that actually kind of playing out in my mind's eye as you were describing it.
• 1:03:26
  SPEAKER_04: I was like oh yeah it is kind of like putting an art piece together yeah very cool well um as we reach the end of our conversation today I'm wondering if there's any other final words you have for our listeners today um I guess I just want to say I you know with having little baby um I'm so much more aware now of like I guess a lifespan and you know we were all once little babies and I see my grandfather who's at the end of his life with my daughter and it's just this like oh wow you know we have a limited time and I think that when it comes to art and creativity I think that that's a legacy that we leave behind no matter what form of creativity that is.
• 1:04:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah um you know a lot of people say that they people remember how you made them feel and I think that's absolutely true and I think that that is art that is art is how you know what you leave behind.
• 1:04:46
  SPEAKER_04: So even if it's in just the conversations you have with people and the way that you're present I think that um I think everyone's an artist in that way.
• 1:04:56
  SPEAKER_04: And so really just not take your time for granted and express and create and do as much as you can while you're here because that's what really sticks.
• 1:05:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah beautiful very powerful last words and a really big juicy invitation for our listeners today to explore during this month of Leo season which is all about creativity.
• 1:05:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah it reminds me of one final thing another professor said but it's like you know putting your art out there putting yourself out there is like leaving that like I was here kind of yeah that's what I was thinking of when you were saying that like hey I was I was here yeah absolutely forever we will yeah and much of our you know I think of the the um the art that our ancestors ancestors left behind and again that I was here and this was my experience.
• 1:05:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah yeah yeah beautiful well Leah if people would like to connect with you um how can they do that?
• 1:06:12
  SPEAKER_04: Well I have a website and it's called liferemade.com and um you can find my book there you can find um ways to follow my newsletter my YouTube vlog that I post um pretty much weekly um or you can reach out and schedule uh an alignment call to talk to me as well um but that's kind of the place where everything exists oh and I have an Instagram as well so um you can find that at Leah e Morris on Instagram wonderful yeah I'll put everything um in the show notes so our listeners can connect with you if they'd like to perfect yeah wonderful well thanks so much for your time today Leah this has been wonderful thanks Riva this was so fun