Latest / Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design / 103 | Why Financial Freedom Starts with Nervous System Regulation & Money Mindset

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103 | Why Financial Freedom Starts with Nervous System Regulation & Money Mindset · Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design

• 0:00
  Erin Gray: Today we're going to be diving into a huge misconception about financial freedom that it's some number that you finally get to arrive at.
• 0:07
  Erin Gray: You know the financial industry and other movements talk about financial freedom as if it's this destination, and I don't necessarily agree with this.
• 0:15
  Erin Gray: I have experienced this as well as some of my clients.
• 0:19
  Erin Gray: You know on paper they are financially free, yet they don't feel free in their bodies.
• 0:25
  Erin Gray: Do you want to create a system to stop avoiding your money?
• 0:28
  Erin Gray: Maybe you're feeling guilt and shame when it comes to finances.
• 0:31
  Erin Gray: Welcome to your Money, your Rules.
• 0:35
  Erin Gray: I'm Erin, a former certified financial planner and CFO, and yet I used to avoid my money and had fear, no matter how much we had.
• 0:42
  Erin Gray: I can't wait to teach you how I overcame my money avoidance and started consistently managing my finances in a really simple way.
• 0:50
  Erin Gray: It's time to get comfortable with money.
• 0:52
  Erin Gray: So you want to take control of your finances and create a system that feels easy, more like freedom than restriction, and you're feeling overwhelmed, like it's going to take so much time, effort and energy.
• 1:03
  Erin Gray: My one-on-one Master your Money coaching program is going to teach you how to align your finances with your goals, simplify money management and overcome the fear and stress that has been holding you back.
• 1:16
  Erin Gray: You don't need to spend hours on complicated strategies.
• 1:19
  Erin Gray: I'll show you how to create a simple, customized plan that works for you, tailored to your unique needs.
• 1:24
  Erin Gray: We'll focus on practical strategies and I'll show you how to create a simple, customized plan that works for you, tailored to your unique needs.
• 1:26
  Erin Gray: We'll focus on practical strategies, and I'll also empower you to overcome the limiting beliefs and emotional blocks that you have around money so that you can create a relationship with money that feels calm, where you're in control, and it feels peaceful.
• 1:41
  Erin Gray: Let's make financial clarity easy, fun and not time consuming, shall we?
• 1:47
  Erin Gray: Let's work together one-on-one so you can start building the life and business you deserve with clarity and confidence and create true financial freedom.
• 1:57
  Erin Gray: So you know if I put my financial planner hat on back in the day, you know I really used to think that financial freedom was a number you know.
• 2:06
  Erin Gray: So often when you're working with clients, you're thinking about what is the number that they're going to need for retirement to get them to be able to last, you know, until they pass away, and in some cases, some people want to give you know to their heirs or different causes that they care about.
• 2:24
  Erin Gray: So what's that amount of money that we're working towards?
• 2:27
  Erin Gray: To have financial freedom, like it's like this goal that, okay, if we get there, then we can feel financially free, right, if I've saved enough, if I've invested enough, then I'll finally feel secure.
• 2:40
  Erin Gray: But even as my net worth grew, I still had stress and fear around money and, for sure, guilt around spending it.
• 2:49
  Erin Gray: And you know, as I ponder this, I think the answer is more so I would probably say I probably felt even more stress and fear as the number grew because I felt like that there was more at risk to lose, because I felt like that there was more at risk to lose.
• 3:04
  Erin Gray: So I was afraid to spend, scared, you know, to lose what we had built, and constantly felt like I needed to make more, like it was never a proud satisfaction, like I'm so happy of how far we've come.
• 3:21
  Erin Gray: It was always coming from lack of not good enough, which I think money is just a beautiful mirror for how we view ourselves.
• 3:26
  Erin Gray: I felt a lot of lack overall in my life and, for sure, around myself and my value and what I thought like my self-concept, right, what I thought about myself.
• 3:38
  Erin Gray: So, of course, my money was going to feel like not enough, because I felt like not enough as a human and money is just an amplifier.
• 3:46
  Erin Gray: You know, if you feel free and generous with it, with where you are right now, when you generate more, you're going to just do more of that.
• 3:54
  Erin Gray: If you feel scared and stressed and like you can't have enough, don't have enough all of the things.
• 4:02
  Erin Gray: When you generate more, you'll just create more fear and stress in your life.
• 4:05
  Erin Gray: You know I've shared on previous podcasts.
• 4:07
  Erin Gray: You know I was at a certain number when I realized that financial freedom isn't it isn't about how much money you have, it's about how you feel, about what you have.
• 4:18
  Erin Gray: It is the perception that you are thinking about where you are.
• 4:22
  Erin Gray: You know, I kept moving the goalposts and then I realized what I was doing and no matter when we hit that number, I would just think that it would be better.
• 4:32
  Erin Gray: Right, this is what we do.
• 4:33
  Erin Gray: We fantasize It'll be better in the future.
• 4:35
  Erin Gray: It'll be different, because it's very conditional thinking If I do this, then I'll feel this.
• 4:41
  Erin Gray: When I get to this, do this, then I'll feel this.
• 4:47
  Erin Gray: When I get to this, then I'll feel this.
• 4:48
  Erin Gray: And it's a pattern and at the time I mean I think there, the awareness was there.
• 4:50
  Erin Gray: I don't know how in tune I was with my body.
• 4:53
  Erin Gray: It definitely became crystal clear, apparently clear, when I decided to take my time off, because then we were using some of our investments, we were having fun and traveling, which goes against everything you're supposed to be doing.
• 5:11
  Erin Gray: You know, they say like the years of 40s and 50s are your accumulation years, and so it's this idea like you're not supposed to be doing this, and so it was really.
• 5:22
  Erin Gray: When I took time off is when I really started to see all those deep-seated beliefs and feelings that I had around money.
• 5:31
  Erin Gray: So if financial freedom isn't about numbers, what is it really about?
• 5:37
  Erin Gray: I think it's about your beliefs about money and how they actually are shaping what you're creating in your reality.
• 5:45
  Erin Gray: Right?
• 5:46
  Erin Gray: If you believe that you have to hustle to have enough, then you'll always be chasing.
• 5:51
  Erin Gray: It won't matter what number you get to.
• 5:54
  Erin Gray: The next number is where you'll have to go.
• 5:57
  Erin Gray: You'll just I mean how many times?
• 5:59
  Erin Gray: I don't know if this is true for you, but for me I would have a goal even before, like I'd probably be like 70 or 80% there, almost to my goal, and I'd already be thinking of another goal, right, I think this is the dopamine hit that we want from our brains, that our brains do give us right, but it steals us from where we are right now.
• 6:18
  Erin Gray: So if you believe that money is unpredictable and scarce or out of your control, then you will always feel insecure, no matter how much you have.
• 6:31
  Erin Gray: I used to do this, you know, like with our investments and the stock market, and I think a lot of us feel this way, because we feel out of control, because we don't know what the market is going to do.
• 6:40
  Erin Gray: You know we're putting our security in the market versus us, recognizing that we're the ones that generate the money to then put it in the market.
• 6:50
  Erin Gray: We're also the ones that are paying attention to our investments.
• 6:53
  Erin Gray: We're also the ones that are speaking with our advisors and getting strategy.
• 7:00
  Erin Gray: So, like we do have a lot of control, even when we're investing in the market, I think it's also understanding how the market works right and the true belief that within us, right, we are the ones generating the money.
• 7:15
  Erin Gray: So if you start to shift into trusting that money flows and it's meant to flow right, it's not about accumulating.
• 7:22
  Erin Gray: I think accumulating feels to me like a dam of water that's been held up right.
• 7:30
  Erin Gray: Water is supposed to move.
• 7:32
  Erin Gray: Money is supposed to move when water is held up and it gets stagnant and it gets bacteria in it.
• 7:40
  Erin Gray: So, accumulation versus allocation right.
• 7:43
  Erin Gray: It's about allocating and allowing our money to flow in and out just like the ocean, that you're always capable of creating more and that wealth is more than just numbers.
• 7:54
  Erin Gray: I think things were going to start shifting quickly for you, I think, also understanding that financial freedom is a choice, not a dollar amount, I think so often we forget.
• 8:04
  Erin Gray: We have choice.
• 8:05
  Erin Gray: We have choice to believe right now that we are worthy.
• 8:08
  Erin Gray: We have choice right now to love ourselves.
• 8:12
  Erin Gray: We have choice right now to commit to being and doing what we say we're going to do.
• 8:18
  Erin Gray: We have choice to be, enjoy the moment and be happy with where we are, wherever we are right Financial position, spouse, children, cars we drive, drive houses Like it is a choice and I think that when we can really truly look at it like I am choosing to be miserable or I am choosing to be happy, there is power in that.
• 8:40
  Erin Gray: So some people you know, making $50,000 a year, like if I say that it might be like oh my gosh, how could anybody do that?
• 8:48
  Erin Gray: But they might feel free because they've built a life that aligns with their values.
• 8:52
  Erin Gray: I remember, you know, when I was a financial planner, one of my favorite clients.
• 8:57
  Erin Gray: He was a single guy.
• 8:59
  Erin Gray: He was at the time.
• 9:01
  Erin Gray: I mean, this was what 20 years ago.
• 9:02
  Erin Gray: He was probably making like 30 or 40,000 a year, but he invested a lot of his, like percentage of what he grossed, and he was so curious about investing and growing his wealth and he wasn't attached.
• 9:15
  Erin Gray: He was just like teach me all the things, tell me how this works.
• 9:19
  Erin Gray: You know, can I be saving more?
• 9:22
  Erin Gray: And not from a place of like not enough, but like, oh, okay, like, I see what you're, you know the information that you're giving me, like, okay, where else can we put this?
• 9:31
  Erin Gray: And then I had clients who had millions and we're checking it daily, right, it's not, it's not a number.
• 9:40
  Erin Gray: I had another client, I think he was making maybe around 500,000 around that at Dell and he was literally, when I say broke from a, what I mean by that is he was overspending and not watching his money, right, and he felt so stuck because he he felt in his mind, right, he couldn't cut back on work.
• 10:04
  Erin Gray: He definitely was a workaholic overworker, he overspent, which I think is actually a result of something deeper, and he didn't appreciate.
• 10:14
  Erin Gray: You know me kind of laying it out to him, like when we become attached, like I was saying, like, dude, you're spending way too much money, you know you're overspending.
• 10:24
  Erin Gray: And I think when we become attached to things he had a lot of toys and I think one of my suggestions was like, hey, are you willing to sell some of your stuff?
• 10:32
  Erin Gray: Right, you know you're making payments on this, you don't own it outright and you're overspending Like, are you willing to let go of some of this stuff?
• 10:40
  Erin Gray: He didn't necessarily like it in the beginning and I think we have to ask ourselves you know, when we become attached to our things, I don't really think that that feels like financial freedom.
• 10:51
  Erin Gray: I think one of the greatest gifts that I gave my family was giving almost all of our belongings away.
• 10:59
  Erin Gray: We kept some stuff, but a lot of the stuff.
• 11:01
  Erin Gray: You know we gave it away when we moved to Maui and it really gets you to see where you're attached to a certain kind of lifestyle, things in your house, things you've kept for so long, and I'm not sitting here advocating, you know, sell your house, sell all the things or get rid of all of the things, like I did.
• 11:19
  Erin Gray: I'm just inviting you to see, maybe, where you are attached to your money and physical things, like, where are you putting your joy and your happiness on something outside of you versus within you?
• 11:31
  Erin Gray: And when you get clarity around that, does that actually feel like true financial freedom to you or does that feel more restrictive?
• 11:41
  Erin Gray: So my definition of true freedom means feeling secure and in control, no matter what happens.
• 11:48
  Erin Gray: And when I say in control, I don't mean controlling all the things.
• 11:51
  Erin Gray: I mean I'm in control of what I think, I'm in control of what I feel, I'm in control of what I do, like those three things.
• 11:58
  Erin Gray: That's really all that we have control over, right?
• 12:00
  Erin Gray: We're co-creating with the universe or God spirit source, however you want to look at it.
• 12:04
  Erin Gray: Co-creating with the universe or God spirit source, however you want to look at it.
• 12:11
  Erin Gray: And when we really start to look at things and think about okay, I get to choose what I want to think about this situation.
• 12:14
  Erin Gray: I can either let it define me or I can let it be a lesson.
• 12:15
  Erin Gray: I get to choose how I want to feel in this moment, and this doesn't mean you need to gaslight yourself when you're feeling really pissed off or you're feeling a lot of grief, like, bring that up.
• 12:23
  Erin Gray: I think, as women, we shut that stuff down.
• 12:25
  Erin Gray: I mean, men do too, but we shut that stuff down because we don't want to be called a bitch or we don't want to be, you know, looked at as you know, an angry person.
• 12:33
  Erin Gray: But I think that that those emotions need to come up.
• 12:36
  Erin Gray: But when they come up, when you address them, then you get to choose.
• 12:40
  Erin Gray: Okay, how do I want to look at this now?
• 12:51
  Erin Gray: Right, how do I want to feel about this situation?
• 12:52
  Erin Gray: What is this teaching me?
• 12:52
  Erin Gray: Because every obstacle in our life is teaching us something if we're willing to learn the lesson.
• 12:55
  Erin Gray: So one of the things I always tell myself is I am capable of feeling any emotion.
• 12:57
  Erin Gray: I can love myself through it, no matter what.
• 13:00
  Erin Gray: Like that feels like true security with me.
• 13:03
  Erin Gray: Because anything that we're trying to control on the outside or trying to prevent, it's because we don't want to feel a feeling.
• 13:09
  Erin Gray: And so when we can get good at feeling our sensations in our body, when we can get good at being there for ourselves and allowing things to come up and come through, I think that's where like that's where, like the floodgates open, like that's true freedom.
• 13:23
  Erin Gray: And, like I've said on so many numerous podcasts, like our mindset determines how you handle your money.
• 13:29
  Erin Gray: Scarcity mindset leads to hoarding, to undercharging, to avoiding financial decisions.
• 13:34
  Erin Gray: You know, you'll know when you're in scarcity by how you feel in your body, and this takes slowing down, this takes connecting to yourself and your heart.
• 13:45
  Erin Gray: What is your mind, what does your body do when you're acting, interacting with your money?
• 13:50
  Erin Gray: You know an empowered mindset leads to investing in yourself.
• 13:56
  Erin Gray: Growth.
• 13:57
  Erin Gray: Think of like, when I think of empowered, like my shoulders go back, like my arms open up, like it feels very open and wide to me.
• 14:05
  Erin Gray: Scarcity feels very restrictive and closed in.
• 14:08
  Erin Gray: So an empowered mindset leads to investing in yourself, like I said, making financial choices that support your values and your goals, which new slash.
• 14:20
  Erin Gray: They may not look like your neighbor or your business bestie, and that is you know.
• 14:25
  Erin Gray: You have to own that and honor that.
• 14:27
  Erin Gray: Okay, and so the fourth thing is what are the practical ways to shift into a more financially free mindset?
• 14:34
  Erin Gray: So ask yourself what would financial freedom feel like?
• 14:39
  Erin Gray: For me, feel right.
• 14:40
  Erin Gray: Instead of focusing on a number, which is what we've been taught in the financial industry is focusing our emotions.
• 14:47
  Erin Gray: Does financial freedom feel like security internally?
• 14:51
  Erin Gray: Does it feel like ease?
• 14:53
  Erin Gray: Does it feel like flow?
• 14:55
  Erin Gray: Does it feel like choice, choosing in this moment to feel?
• 15:00
  Erin Gray: Does it feel confidence?
• 15:02
  Erin Gray: Right, what?
• 15:03
  Erin Gray: What does financial freedom feel like in your body?
• 15:07
  Erin Gray: Shifting your inner dialogue, you know, moving from that space of like I need more, or I have to have or it's not enough, to things like I have enough.
• 15:20
  Erin Gray: Right, I can always create more.
• 15:21
  Erin Gray: Money loves me and I love money.
• 15:24
  Erin Gray: Right, money's always flowing to me.
• 15:26
  Erin Gray: These are practices that you can start saying to retrain your subconscious, to wire that in.
• 15:34
  Erin Gray: You know, obviously, like I always say, check in with your body.
• 15:37
  Erin Gray: Right, try these thoughts on and see how they feel in your body.
• 15:40
  Erin Gray: You know, if you say money is always flowing to me and it doesn't feel true to you, okay, well then modify it.
• 15:48
  Erin Gray: Right, I'm in the process of believing that money is flowing to me.
• 15:51
  Erin Gray: I'm in the process of believing that money is flowing to me.
• 15:55
  Erin Gray: What are some statements that you want to practice on a consistent and daily basis to help you rewire your neural pathways?
• 16:04
  Erin Gray: You rewire your neural pathways and then taking action right, whether it's checking your finances regularly, setting boundaries around your work, giving yourself permission to enjoy your money now and I'm not advocating to use it all right now and also, why are we?
• 16:22
  Erin Gray: You have to really get clear, like, why are we investing all of this money?
• 16:25
  Erin Gray: What is it for?
• 16:31
  Erin Gray: Start living financially free today?
• 16:40
  Erin Gray: And I know I said earlier that one of the greatest gifts that I gave my family and this might make me cry that I gave my family was giving away all of her stuff but really the best gift, I think, or one of the best gifts that I think I did, was using some of our money to take time off and spend with our daughter.
• 16:54
  Erin Gray: Like we will never get that time back and, yes, our accounts are not where they were when we took time off to travel, and I'm okay with that because I know that I will and we will regenerate it.
• 17:14
  Erin Gray: I know that you know I have these core memories for the rest of my life to share with my husband and my child, like it was such an incredible use of our money and I am so grateful that I had the courage to use our investments and to do that for our family.
• 17:33
  Erin Gray: There are people that I know that you know, former financial planners.
• 17:38
  Erin Gray: I used to work with business owners that you know I've worked with in the past that were working hard to grow their business to then be able to sell it and then passing away just a couple of years after they retired or they sold their businesses and they never got to do all of the things that they were saving for.
• 17:55
  Erin Gray: And I'm just so grateful for the courage that I had to conjure up, you know, to do those wild and crazy things over the last four years.
• 18:03
  Erin Gray: And so I invite you to find your definition of financial freedom and it doesn't have to look like my life, you know, it gets to look like what you want, but getting really clear on what that looks like and honoring that and then taking steps daily to create that.
• 18:23
  Erin Gray: You know, if you only take one thing from this episode, you know I want you to remember that financial freedom it's a feeling, it's a felt sense in your body.
• 18:32
  Erin Gray: You know, when we feel free, we move from a different place, we make different decisions because we don't allow money to control us, and it starts with your mindset, it starts with your belief systems and how you choose to engage with your money.
• 18:47
  Erin Gray: Okay, that's all I got for you.
• 18:51
  Erin Gray: I appreciate you being here for sharing your time with me.
• 18:53
  Erin Gray: I would love to hear from you and connect with you.
• 18:56
  Erin Gray: If you are wanting to join a group of women who are really working towards changing their relationship with money, if you want to be supported in a community of other women, I really invite you to come join my free Facebook community Money Mindset Tips for Women in Business.
• 19:14
  Erin Gray: I will include it in the link in the show notes and you can also search it on Facebook.
• 19:19
  Erin Gray: Thank you for being here and I'll see you in the next episode.
• 19:24
  Erin Gray: Did you learn something today?
• 19:26
  Erin Gray: Do you know another female entrepreneur who might be avoiding her money?
• 19:30
  Erin Gray: Will you send this episode over to her for me and, if you have it in you, please leave me a review for this podcast.
• 19:38
  Erin Gray: It helps the show grow and I love hearing from you.
• 19:40
  Erin Gray: See you next week.