Latest / Beyond Limits With Olivia Marie / The Truth Behind How People Pleasing, Lack Of Boundaries & Perfectionism Effects Your Health

Transcript

The Truth Behind How People Pleasing, Lack Of Boundaries & Perfectionism Effects Your Health · Beyond Limits With Olivia Marie

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Live Well Podcast.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Liv, a naturopathic doctor, mentor, energy healer, a cost creator, intuitive, energetic business mentor, and honestly, so much more.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I help you heal on a physical and emotional level so that you can feel delicious in your health, body, relationships, career, and a bank account.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: This show is for those of you who are looking to go beyond the basic wellness stuff, cut out the BS, and really create a life that you love.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: We talk about health, trauma healing, energetics, feminine energy, wealth, and magnetism so that you can live a life that feels delicious.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: In these episodes, we will have an honest conversation without the fluffy bullshit.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: You walk away with all of the insights, tools, and tips to truly live your best life, mind, body, and soul.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you are looking to live well, you are in the right place.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: For ways to work with me, visit keepupwithlive.com and follow me on Instagram at keep up with live for more.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And with that, let's get into the show.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Hello everyone.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Today we are going to be diving into boundaries, perfectionism, people pleasing, and the truth about how all of this affects your health.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: So the root of all of these are a combination of self-worth and personal power.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: So we're going to be dissecting kind of all of them and we're going to see how it really builds upon each other.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: So we're going to start off with people pleasing, right?
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because the reason we normally don't set boundaries is because we're a people pleaser.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: So it's kind of like the root underneath it or the thing that starts it all off.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so people pleasing tends to be something we kind of learn in childhood, right?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's something that is modeled to us by mom or dad, or we grew up in situations that really require us to seek outside validation, or you are told to always give it to other people before giving it to yourself.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: And that can look like, you know, good girls do X, Y, Z.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's important to always say yes, always say yes to other people, always put other people first, etc.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that in combination with always seeking that outside validation, it's no wonder we turn into people pleasers, right?
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because pleasers have a very deep desire to be liked, loved, and appreciated.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Often we then put our or put other people's needs before our own and receive praise for doing so.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: So there's some sort of validation of like, oh, kind people do this, good people do this.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so that sense of validation is that what encourages someone to be a people pleaser and to keep doing it.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: However, it can also be then building resentment because we may not even get appreciated like we wanted, andor it's not to the degree, right?
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, okay, we do, we do, we do, but we feel like we don't receive, we don't feel appreciated, it's not acknowledged.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that is normally a sign of where are you then over giving because of you know being a people pleaser.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: So, what are some of the signs of people pleasing?
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: You can't bear the thought of saying no, even when you know it's the right thing to say.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: You start feeling resentful at the very people you're working overtime to please.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: You tell white lies to really ward off any kind of discomfort or confrontation.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: You let other people take advantage of you frequently.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, I don't know, maybe you know you need to rest or you know you need to do something, but it's like, oh, okay, like I guess I will.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay, I'll do it.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: And there's really this fear of like going against the crowd, so to speak, like crowd, family members, friends, etc., out of fear of what other people might think.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now, what we people don't realize is that there are also physical signs of people pleasing.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: So, what are some of the physical signs?
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Trouble sleeping through the night, crippling anxiety, either whether that's in your relationships, at work, et cetera, but like severe anxiety, extreme bloating after every meal, which means like it could be you're even avocados, you're eating good things and like you're still getting bloated, itchy, dry patches on your skin, a sugar addiction, really like a really long perpetuated like a sugar addiction that doesn't go away, that's kind of always there.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: These are some of the big physical signs that are tied to people pleasing, especially the GI issues, right?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we are people pleasers, we give away our personal power, right?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: People pleasing means I don't have my own personal power.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: I give my personal power to you, and you have the power to dictate how I feel and what I do.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now, know that people pleasing is a very scarcity energy.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's one of the big scarcity energies.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I've talked about this in a separate podcast.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's how people pleasing is causing scarcity.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's something like that.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: We'll find it and we'll link that episode down below because that's a juicy one.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: But if you are a people pleaser, then that's attracting scarcity into your life.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And this can be scarcity with health, relationships, money, anything, and possibly everything, right?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because scarcity is not just like specific to one thing.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Scarcity is like how you people please with scarcity just attracts more scarcity.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: So when you are a people pleaser, obviously we know you feel scarce with love, right?
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's that validation of place in something else.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have enough of it for yourself, so you're trying to get it from someone else, right?
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: You people please in the hopes of getting the love that you crave.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like attracts like.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: Scarcity with love also attracts scarcity of other things as well.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, health, money, etc.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: So when you are feeling scarce and you people please for love and validation, it ripples into all areas of your life and messes things up even more.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, those physical symptoms, like we talked about, but also as we can see in other areas like work, money, et cetera.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: If your dominant frequency is scarcity, then you also can't receive.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: So you can't receive love, which is the one thing you crave, but the universe feels your desperation, right?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: That neediness, that not enoughness, but you can't actually receive more, whether that's wealth, career, romance, love, anything, because your dominant frequency is scarcity, which pushes it away.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: You also have a very forward-leaning energy.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: People pleasing is a very giving, right?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a very pushed forward, it's very forced, it's very moving forward versus being in a state of receiving, which is more leaned back.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: So when you heal your people pleasing, you not only attract better into your life, like attract more abundance of all kinds, but then you're actually able to finally receive the love that you crave.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: But you cannot receive the love that you crave, the validation, the enoughness, by being a people pleaser.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's just never ever going to happen, no matter what someone does.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: And guaranteed you're at this point now, like it doesn't matter what someone does, even if they say they appreciate it, you don't actually feel it in your body because you can't actually feel it.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then we dip into a little anxious attachment.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Do you love me?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Why don't you like all this kind of thing?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: And then not to mention the scarcity that shows up in our health and our symptoms, right?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just hopping on to let you guys know about the new power program.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is changing the game when it comes to building uncircumstantial personal power.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Your nervous system will never be the same.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: We will be covering everything to become unstoppable in your personal power.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: That personal power then gives you the audacity to truly be all that you are.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: We will be covering everything to break out of the wounding, trauma, and conditioning that creates circumstantial personal power, building that audacity to have a rock solid confidence and speak your truth, dissolving those physical symptoms that go with a lack of personal power, releasing fears and doubts, being able to set boundaries and hold them with ease so you no longer people please, how to not dip into your power no matter the circumstance, and be the one emitting your own power and really dissolving that feeling of being a victim of your life and really how to anchor in taking your power back and being the creator of it.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: It is so juicy, so good.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: We will leave the description for it down below, as well as the link to join.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: I am so excited to help you rewire your nervous system from all the stuck emotions and trauma and anchor in personal power.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: We'll also be going through the exact processes and methods to build it so you don't dip ever again.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want your nervous system to be unstoppable when it comes to personal power, take your power back and get off that roller coaster of external circumstance.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: I will see you inside.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: And you are the creator from which the universe responds too.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: So when you are a people pleaser, the universe goes, Oh, Tally's scarce.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what she wants, more scarcity.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: So let's create more scarcity in her life because that's what she's saying that she wants.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Which then only makes you feel more scarce.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: So then you emit a frequency that's even more in lack, and then it's a vicious cycle because lack attracts more lack.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: So this is how people pleasing alone not only affects your health, but your wealth, your relationships affects everything.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: And so piggybacking off of people pleasing is boundaries.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: And boundaries are not only your ability to set boundaries, but your ability to hold boundaries.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so boundaries, again, is twofold.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's you have to have enough self-worth to set boundaries, and you have to have enough personal power to hold the boundary.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: So to set personal, uh, to set boundaries, that's self-worth.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: To hold boundaries, that's personal power.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: So perhaps you're someone who can set boundaries.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I can set them.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: I have enough worth that I set them.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you don't want to actually hold them.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Saying them is one thing, but if you just say them and you don't hold them at all, that's a personal power issue, right?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not enough to just set boundaries.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: You actually have to hold them, which is like a whole other thing, right?
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because how many times have you probably set a boundary and then you kind of caved and didn't hold it?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: So what we need to do, obviously, is raise your self-worth and get rid of the trauma, beliefs, and conditioning that made you believe that you are not worthy so that you can set boundaries, but also healing your personal power that then allows you to hold boundaries.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: And this kind of also goes into people pleasing because people pleasing again comes out of that need for love, affection that we didn't get.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: When we give it to ourselves and realize it's the only way we are full, right?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: That heals our self-worth.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then when we have personal power, we no longer people please because we're able to set boundaries.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: But if our nervous system does not feel safe setting boundaries because it thinks I might be rejected, I might be abandoned, I might be left out, you know, or so-and-so will happen to me, or they won't be my friend anymore, or they'll leave me, whatever it is, then you'll go back on them.
• 10:47
  unknown: Right.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so when you don't set boundaries, it leaves you exhausted, bloated, shows up in your skin and your gut.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: But it also then creates a self-fulfilling prophecy if you feel all those physical symptoms, but then you actually don't feel replenished.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: So you still feel like the that state of lack in your body, right?
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's a very much an energetic state of lack, but it feels like you can't escape this vicious cycle and pattern.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then, because normally what blocks or the biggest thing that prevents people from setting boundaries is guilt.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I feel bad if I set these boundaries.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: I can't, like I feel bad.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: See, I feel bad, I feel bad, I feel bad.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so that guilt in that quote unquote inability to set them further signals that you are not worthy.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where we get into self-abandonment.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: You abandon yourself in favor of other people and people pleasing as well.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's a self-abandonment.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: You abandon yourself for other people, which then leaves you drained and resentful because your energetic capacity is empty.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: It drains your self-worth.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Then we get like hormonal issues, you know, self-worth, self-love issues.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Not to mention the lack of boundaries when we don't set them and hold them, drains your personal power.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: You give your power away, which is tied to bloating, IBS, fatigue, loose jewels, all the things.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Thyroid issues as well.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna also add in thyroid issues, especially when we don't set and hold them.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: So guess what?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: The only people who resent your boundaries are those who benefited from you not having them.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so, yes, me saying set boundaries can be easier said than done, which is why you need to clear the fears that are keeping you from embodying these boundaries.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: That you keep that keeps you from like setting them and following through.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: When we think about how many times you've set them in caved.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you set boundaries, you set a standard for your life.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: When you set the standard, the universe follows.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, really examining like these fears, hmm, what am I afraid of is gonna come up?
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're noticing now, oh, I really need to strengthen myself worth.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I really need to work on my personal power, which then kind of brings us into the perfectionism.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: And perfectionism is kind of similar-ish, not as tied together as boundaries and people pleasing, but still tied together, right?
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because perfectionism is actually the fear of rejection and the fear of abandonment in disguise, because it makes it so that nothing we do will ever be enough.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because somewhere along the way, we learned that love and acceptance was conditional.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: So then we chase that in the hopes that we will then get that love we never received.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it's exhausting, to be honest.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so this is where we definitely received messages of conditional love and acceptance when we were growing up, whether that was said to us, you know, I'll love you if, or whether that was modeled to us, where we physically notice, oh, I got more love when I do this.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: And my ability to be a perfect soccer player or perfect ex school or perfect big brother or whatever it perfect, why I said big brother, mainly women listen to this, big sister, doesn't matter.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Those views are then what shaped it now.
• 13:57
  unknown: Right.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then we can see that if we really crave that love and acceptance, we're more likely to be a people pleaser, which means we're less likely to step and hold boundaries.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: And like we get this basically big web of inter self-worth and personal power interchanged with boundaries, perfectionism, and people pleasing.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: And we see how this all affects your health, right?
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: How you have hormonal symptoms, the extreme bloating.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: Bloating's a big one for personal power, right?
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: The sleep issues, the anxiety, sugar addictions every time, and then how this creates more scarcity, right, in your life.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: Trying to loop this all together for you so you can kind of see this web that it kind of creates and how one feeds on the other, right?
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not a direct line of just one thing leads to one, leads to another.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's this big web where it's all connected, they're all feedbacking, generating each other.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: And every time it does, you rewire it deeper and you rewire it, and you it's chances are you've been rewiring it for decades.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Probably, you know, majority of people listening to this are over 20.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, decades because it's something you learn very early on.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so that all needs to be rewired, right?
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: You that default mechanism needs to change.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you found this interesting.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, this gave you clarity on the truth behind how people pleasing, lack of boundaries, and perfectionism really affects your health.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna leave everything for the links down below so you can check all of that incredible stuff out.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I will talk to you in the next podcast.