Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Holidays (Pt. 2) | Ep. 11

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Holidays (Pt. 2) | Ep. 11 · The Parenting Podcast

• 1:02
  Cheryl: Again, today we have Christie Gunckel and of course Allen and in 18.
• 1:10
  Cheryl: Hi.
• 1:10
  Danae: So we've been talking about the holidays here.
• 1:13
  Danae: We are approaching holiday season.
• 1:15
  Danae: Okay.
• 1:16
  Danae: But wait,
• 1:16
  Christie: because last week you teased us that you were bringing cookies.
• 1:20
  Christie: Oh
• 1:22
  Danae: yeah.
• 1:23
  Danae: All of my papers turned down.
• 1:26
  Christie: I'll give you that.
• 1:27
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 1:28
  Cheryl: These are bad priorities
• 1:30
  Ellen: and it was of no benefit to
• 1:32
  Danae: me, just water bottles in front of us.
• 1:37
  Danae: But seriously, I've been thinking a lot about what we talked about last time and about how we tend to overdo.
• 1:44
  Danae: I know I tend to overdo hints, talking.
• 1:46
  Danae: All of the cookies.
• 1:48
  Danae: And I just keep thinking about, um, Alan, some of the things that you shared about enjoying having all the people in your home and doing a lot of things.
• 1:56
  Danae: Yeah.
• 1:58
  Danae: When do you know that it's too much?
• 2:00
  Danae: Like, do you feel that in your body, is there some way, like some red flag or that you're alerted to the fact that I am overdoing
• 2:11
  Ellen: will usually you could go back and ask my kids but I think of one time.
• 2:22
  Ellen: It was my fourth pregnancy and I always have morning sickness when I'm pregnant.
• 2:26
  Ellen: And I remember we had already invited probably at least not counting our family.
• 2:33
  Ellen: Um, we probably had another, oh, at least six.
• 2:38
  Ellen: Single people coming because we were military.
• 2:40
  Ellen: And our view was always, whoever was left in the squadron with no place to go or couldn't afford to go home.
• 2:46
  Ellen: We invited them over, even if it meant last minute.
• 2:49
  Ellen: So I remember getting up at the crack of Dawn, putting the Turkey in, getting everything ready.
• 2:54
  Ellen: I'd been working on all the other things because of course, when you,
• 2:57
  Cheryl: were you throwing up all this time?
• 2:59
  Ellen: Yes, I'm vomiting.
• 3:00
  Ellen: In-between.
• 3:02
  Ellen: And my husband's just kind of looking at me as he's helping And part of the problem is, you know, when you're dealing with military people, you know, a lot of them are just single men and women that are living in the barracks.
• 3:12
  Ellen: So they don't think, or did I think to ask anybody to bring anything?
• 3:16
  Ellen: So everybody just came and I'm the hostess with the mostess.
• 3:19
  Ellen: So I'm getting everything ready and.
• 3:22
  Ellen: Throwing up in between.
• 3:24
  Ellen: Finally, everybody gets there.
• 3:25
  Ellen: Everybody says hello and sits down.
• 3:28
  Ellen: And I just looked at everybody and I said, I'm going to bed.
• 3:30
  Ellen: I'll see you guys later.
• 3:32
  Ellen: And everybody just got really quiet.
• 3:33
  Ellen: And then Mike explained him, well, she's pregnant and she's feeling bad, but I went to bed and had a joyous sleep.
• 3:40
  Ellen: Everyone was happily enjoying dinner.
• 3:42
  Ellen: I could hear them laughing and everything.
• 3:44
  Ellen: And I was so nauseous and miserable.
• 3:46
  Ellen: I was glad to be in bed.
• 3:47
  Ellen: Well, here's another side thing about coping and this is what I learned quite a few years ago, even in the midst of a party.
• 3:53
  Ellen: Cause I'm a big party person.
• 3:55
  Ellen: I love having lots of people over.
• 3:56
  Ellen: Sometimes I will actually leave and go into my bedroom and shut the door and sit in our chaise lounge.
• 4:04
  Ellen: That's in there with my feet up, take a few breaths and I'll stay in there for 15, 20 minutes.
• 4:09
  Ellen: Cause I just need to get energy.
• 4:11
  Ellen: And I'm tired and I need perspective.
• 4:14
  Ellen: But nobody misses me.
• 4:16
  Ellen: And I find that's really energizing for me and there's no guilt.
• 4:19
  Ellen: And I've been doing that probably the last 25 years.
• 4:22
  Danae: I never even thought of doing something that would like, it's almost like I would think that's being selfish or something's wrong with me.
• 4:31
  Danae: So I think that's some great advice.
• 4:33
  Cheryl: I think it's very self-aware and I wish I had known it years ago because you ask what is a trigger that shows that you're stressed or doing too much and becoming more self-aware of myself in the last few years I've realized if I catch myself And I'm just puffing a little bit like that and I start listing.
• 4:55
  Cheryl: And so the joy has gone down, but that for me is a trigger thinking, am I doing too much?
• 5:02
  Cheryl: Yes, I am.
• 5:04
  Cheryl: I need to cut something out and I've also done the same thing, Alan, everything is loud and moving and I'm feeling the stress of it all.
• 5:12
  Cheryl: As long as the food's out, whatever, whatever the holiday is.
• 5:16
  Cheryl: And then just go into my bedroom for just a little bit and They just went ahead and they were doing their thing.
• 5:23
  Cheryl: And I just took some time to breathe deeply and relax to go back.
• 5:30
  Cheryl: Yeah,
• 5:31
  Ellen: I know.
• 5:31
  Ellen: I wished I'd would have thought of it even sooner because it really would have saved that psychological, emotional energy.
• 5:38
  Ellen: Cause really that's what I'm doing.
• 5:39
  Ellen: It's not necessarily fatigue.
• 5:40
  Ellen: It's regrouping and reenergizing myself to have the emotional energy to have fun with everybody.
• 5:47
  Ellen: Cause that takes a lot.
• 5:49
  Danae: Talk to your husband about that before, or maybe now your adult kids, like, did you kind of alert so people to that where they wouldn't think,
• 5:57
  Ellen: um, we believe in notice I would go, I'm going to go the bathroom or something and I just disappear.
• 6:02
  Ellen: And I don't remember in order to get my feelings hurt that no one noticed I was gone because as Cheryl said of foods out and I'm just done and I need to recharge
• 6:12
  Cheryl: Um, remember I was sharing some of the questions that moms have sent to us, and I love having that because again, we're talking directly to people's lives on that.
• 6:23
  Cheryl: And several questions were about extended phase.
• 6:27
  Cheryl: And the struggles that moms have.
• 6:30
  Cheryl: So I'd like us to explore this.
• 6:33
  Cheryl: Uh, let me read a couple of them.
• 6:34
  Cheryl: One says, do you spend Christmas morning as a family?
• 6:40
  Cheryl: The mom and dad and the kids, or do we travel and see and make all the extended family happy?
• 6:46
  Cheryl: And then, um, someone else said the holiday season stresses me out because we're closer to our friends and our church family.
• 6:56
  Cheryl: Then we are a lot of our blood family.
• 6:58
  Cheryl: What do we do?
• 6:59
  Cheryl: It brings stress and anxiety, so much that I don't even enjoy going with them.
• 7:04
  Cheryl: And another, one's talked about the pressure that she feels now that she's hosting everything.
• 7:14
  Cheryl: And we kind of talked about having big groups, but now suddenly she has to host everything and she would rather have more time just with her family.
• 7:22
  Cheryl: Uh, close family.
• 7:23
  Cheryl: And though she loves and all these people saying, well, some of them, they love their extended family, but it's just the pressure that it brings.
• 7:32
  Cheryl: And so let's speak into this because there isn't a one size fit all it's not like, oh three and four makes seven.
• 7:38
  Cheryl: But what do y'all think do y'all struggle with extended
• 7:42
  Christie: family?
• 7:43
  Christie: Multiple branches of family, bringing them into one holiday and asking everyone to cooperate.
• 7:49
  Christie: I mean, my parents are divorced, have been since I was a young child and then my husband has his family and, and then we have our own, you know, family together and there's just so many dynamics there to try to balance everyone's values and.
• 8:04
  Christie: It's a challenge.
• 8:06
  Cheryl: How do you deal with that Christie?
• 8:08
  Christie: Well, we spent a few years, um, running and packing up from one house to go to the other and eating four Thanksgiving dinners every year.
• 8:16
  Christie: And, um, that was stressful and we had little babies and, we were actually blessed enough that I think our families kind of saw the need to space out a little bit and other circumstances we were able to celebrate on different days with different branches of the family.
• 8:33
  Christie: That's not always the case that everyone said accommodating.
• 8:36
  Christie: Yeah.
• 8:37
  Christie: But, um, I think you do have to just reassess and draw some boundary lines and priority.
• 8:44
  Danae: Yeah.
• 8:44
  Danae: I, I know something as, uh, my kids are, are getting older and getting married and I've told them if I can, is just to have a day with as many of you.
• 8:57
  Danae: You know, as can come together to celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving, the holidays, whatever holidays, you know, you celebrate.
• 9:05
  Danae: And that is helped a lot to do things like Cheryl talked about Christmas Adam, and just some things to bring the family together.
• 9:12
  Danae: We've talked about big rocks One of mine is to be with as much of my family at the same time as I can.
• 9:18
  Danae: So to not put that pressure of Christie, like you're saying.
• 9:22
  Danae: Four different houses in the same day.
• 9:24
  Danae: Let's just split this up.
• 9:26
  Danae: Maybe it's that you're going to be with, you know, for me Thanksgiving with some of my children, but then at Christmas, you know, it's going to be others.
• 9:35
  Ellen: I know, and we didn't have that problem as a military family because we could just never do all that.
• 9:41
  Ellen: So we would schedule a year in advance if we were going back to California and who we're going to see.
• 9:47
  Ellen: And so those were always fun.
• 9:48
  Ellen: I never see that as a negative thing cause we didn't have to share holidays with everybody.
• 9:54
  Ellen: And, you know, so that, that was kind of an easy thing.
• 9:56
  Ellen: I think for us, it's a little more difficult now with my children that are all in town and working altogether, and people are on different schedules that's become harder than it was when you know, we were a family of origin before they got too big.
• 10:11
  Ellen: Well
• 10:11
  Cheryl: thinking about this because we lived away from family for a lot of years.
• 10:16
  Cheryl: And so we could div what we wanted to do.
• 10:19
  Cheryl: And then when we move close back to my in-laws things changed.
• 10:25
  Cheryl: But what changed for me is a value wedding.
• 10:30
  Cheryl: My priorities, because is it really all about me and what I want?
• 10:35
  Cheryl: This doesn't feel like Thanksgiving, this doesn't feel like I don't want to open gifts that way.
• 10:41
  Cheryl: And you know, or whatever, to have a dirty Santa instead of actually give gifts or this year we're not giving gifts or whatever it is.
• 10:50
  Cheryl: If it's all about me, then I'm not loving my own family.
• 10:54
  Cheryl: Well, I'm not loving my extended.
• 10:56
  Cheryl: And certainly when you get into the different branches of.
• 11:00
  Cheryl: In-laws and steps and all that very complicated.
• 11:04
  Cheryl: So it goes back to the big rock is my big rock to love everybody better.
• 11:09
  Cheryl: I mean, this is the mature me And so I can set what I want aside or do I want my heart filled with this wonderful ideal of.
• 11:21
  Cheryl: I had, and particularly losing bill, I will tell you, it just slammed me.
• 11:27
  Cheryl: Because we cannot recapture what we have.
• 11:30
  Cheryl: So I kind of had what I wanted.
• 11:33
  Cheryl: So I understand I sympathize with people I empathize when you've had a long.
• 11:39
  Cheryl: Or you just never had what you wanted as a child, or even as an adult I know we've talked about it before, but I'm just feeling that pain and it took me to check.
• 11:51
  Danae: You know, it's bringing up something though.
• 11:53
  Danae: Um, in me, Cheryl and I remember, and I had five children under the age of eight and under very close together, a lot of pressure just in that, getting everyone up and fed.
• 12:07
  Danae: And we were planning, ongoing, uh, to visit in-laws in Dallas.
• 12:13
  Danae: And I.
• 12:14
  Danae: I was feeling so stressed about packing everyone up.
• 12:18
  Danae: I'm sure I was nursing someone and someone else was in diapers at the time.
• 12:23
  Danae: And I remember having a doctor's appointment just for something else went in kind of a routine thing.
• 12:32
  Danae: Ham just looking at me and hearing what was going on in my life.
• 12:38
  Danae: And he was very concerned about me.
• 12:41
  Danae: This was the week of Thanksgiving and he practically prescribed for me to stay home for our family to stay home and not go to Dallas because he was worried about me and.
• 12:55
  Danae: Yeah.
• 12:55
  Danae: I just remember like the relief of that, but also feeling very ashamed that I wasn't able to hold
• 13:03
  Ellen: it all together.
• 13:03
  Danae: I was not super woman.
• 13:06
  Danae: You know, you
• 13:07
  Ellen: were Pinterest failure.
• 13:14
  Cheryl: failed your own Pinterest.
• 13:17
  Danae: Oh, my goodness.
• 13:17
  Danae: That's so true, Cheryl.
• 13:18
  Danae: And so, you know, when I hear, you know, we're not gonna always get what we need, but you know, sometimes we, we do need to get what we need.
• 13:26
  Danae: We need to look at as moms of young children or after loss, or we have a stressful job or just all kinds of things that are going on in our lives.
• 13:36
  Danae: And the holidays are wonderful.
• 13:39
  Danae: But they also add a lot to our lives.
• 13:43
  Danae: We don't get to just, you know, unplug the rest of our lives to now, to enjoy what the most wonderful time of the year.
• 13:51
  Danae: And it can be heavy, very heavy.
• 13:54
  Danae: What are your thoughts on that?
• 13:55
  Christie: I was just thinking.
• 13:57
  Christie: You know, that doctor saw that in you and was able to give you the gift of freedom from your expectations.
• 14:03
  Christie: And I think that's something we need to do for others too.
• 14:08
  Christie: We need to be mindful to not put expectations on others.
• 14:12
  Christie: So free ourselves from our expectations of ourselves and free other people from our expectations of them, whether it be our adult children or in-laws to try to be the, the gracious one in the situation.
• 14:25
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 14:25
  Ellen: And it's, that's a really hard thing because I don't know when we started making the holidays, this pass or fail.
• 14:32
  Ellen: Wow.
• 14:33
  Ellen: Yeah, no, cause it's, it's not meant to be
• 14:35
  Cheryl: that's worse than just pass or fail it.
• 14:39
  Cheryl: Pinterest perfect
• 14:41
  Ellen: right.
• 14:42
  Ellen: Or fail.
• 14:43
  Ellen: And, um, you know, It's gotten so blown out of proportion that I think it's of almost kind of sad that we're keep forgetting.
• 14:51
  Ellen: Why are we getting together and having the holidays because everybody's so tired and stressed by the time they get there, especially the host and hostess
• 15:00
  Danae: Ellen's off in her room and Cheryl
• 15:06
  Cheryl (2): Well, and, you know, we're talking the materialism of both seasons, you know, and I can't remember if I mentioned it, but um, we didn't have a lot of extra money at all.
• 15:15
  Cheryl (2): And actually, most of our friends and acquaintances were in a much different financial situation and I had to actually budget so that we could have.
• 15:27
  Cheryl (2): A big Thanksgiving dinner.
• 15:29
  Cheryl (2): And you know, my kids still mum, how did you do all that on our budget?
• 15:33
  Cheryl (2): I had to work towards it.
• 15:35
  Cheryl (2): The other thing that I did is I spent all year long going to their stores and people's garage sales and like, Churches or groups have their big mega sales.
• 15:48
  Cheryl (2): And I would be buying up gifts for the kids, but particularly thinking about one another.
• 15:55
  Cheryl (2): And one of their very sweetest memories is I would put those all over my bed and then have each one come in.
• 16:04
  Cheryl (2): And of course they were younger back then have them come in and they would shop my bed for their siblings and instead of looking at it as something horrible.
• 16:14
  Cheryl (2): It was one of the deepest sweetest memories that they had.
• 16:18
  Cheryl (2): And I'm so thankful, you know, in the midst of blowing so many things.
• 16:23
  Cheryl (2): I allowed that to be limited for what it should be, could be.
• 16:31
  Cheryl (2): I wanted it to be instead embracing that.
• 16:35
  Cheryl (2): They were so excited and then we would sit down and each one of them wrapped the gifts for the others.
• 16:42
  Cheryl (2): And.
• 16:43
  Cheryl (2): I'm so thankful well, we made really delicious lemonade out of what have could been a sour limit in my heart.
• 16:52
  Cheryl (2): Yeah.
• 16:53
  Ellen: And I think that's kind of what we're talking about is we need to shift from materialism thinking that all this stuff is what makes us happy, but it's family members.
• 17:05
  Ellen: Really matter.
• 17:06
  Ellen: And I know for my children that's as adults now, that's really what they say.
• 17:10
  Ellen: They don't, we never were over the top about Christmas, but, um, some people might've think that we were because I did a lot of stuff, but I planned it to, I said, this week, I'm doing this and this week I'm doing that.
• 17:23
  Ellen: So it wasn't just this horrible thing.
• 17:25
  Ellen: And the kids all participated, but the materialism, we really tried to keep very.
• 17:30
  Ellen: And it was about gimme the other people doing for other people, we went places where the kids could do stuff for others.
• 17:38
  Ellen: So it felt like what the spirit of the holiday should be and that's giving.
• 17:43
  Cheryl: What you just said, that was something I have had a lot of women over the years.
• 17:49
  Cheryl: Concerned about their children's materialistic or entitlement, and so I think the antidote to that is to serve and give to others.
• 17:58
  Cheryl: So on a regular basis, we did the same, uh, Our kids served different Christmas shops, you know, where people could come in and they could come and shop giving
• 18:09
  Danae: away turkeys.
• 18:10
  Danae: I know we did that or serving dinners
• 18:13
  Christie: Um, I have a cute story about, about giving.
• 18:17
  Christie: So one of my girls had been saving her money for, something, whatever it was, this was probably 10 years ago.
• 18:23
  Christie: And, um, she had maybe, I don't know,$130 or something like that.
• 18:30
  Christie: And she came in one day and she said, mom, I just, you know, she'd been thinking about being generous and said, I want to, I want to give this money instead of spending it.
• 18:39
  Christie: And I thought, okay, well, how are you going to give it?
• 18:41
  Christie: And she said, I don't know.
• 18:43
  Christie: And so I said, well, you know, just keep thinking and we'll continue the conver conversation.
• 18:48
  Christie: So a couple of days later, one of my other daughters who had zero money came in and said, mom, there's, you know, she's just talking.
• 18:55
  Christie: There's so many sick kids in the hospital.
• 18:59
  Christie: Right now at Christmas time that aren't going to get to have Christmas.
• 19:03
  Christie: And I just, you know, I really wish I could do something for them.
• 19:07
  Christie: And I didn't want to put the pressure, you know, on the daughter with the money.
• 19:10
  Christie: And I said, really.
• 19:12
  Christie: You should talk to your sister about that.
• 19:16
  Christie: And so hoping it would come up organically and it did.
• 19:19
  Christie: And they, they paired up.
• 19:21
  Christie: And that was one of the sweetest memories that they bought little dollar tree store, um, toys and little stockings.
• 19:27
  Christie: And we went and handed them out.
• 19:29
  Christie: And, and that was just a really great memory of, of that, you know, working out generously between the two of them, but one, and then, you know, another great memory my kids have is just wearing.
• 19:40
  Christie: We'd get their pajamas on and go drive around, looking at Christmas lights and get hot chocolate and take it with them.
• 19:46
  Christie: But just to say what you guys were saying that, you know, these traditions, they should be low key and not materialistic.
• 19:53
  Christie: And that's really what, um, brings memories of.
• 19:57
  Christie: You know, forever and
• 19:58
  Cheryl: they don't have to be a big thing.
• 20:00
  Cheryl: It can just be intentional.
• 20:01
  Cheryl: And we just go back again to the big rocks.
• 20:04
  Cheryl: what do we want to develop?
• 20:06
  Cheryl: And then, um, Ellen, such a good example.
• 20:09
  Cheryl: The excitement my children had.
• 20:12
  Cheryl: We had somebody who was a.
• 20:14
  Cheryl: Uh, repaired houses and painted and things like that.
• 20:18
  Cheryl: And he fell off a ladder.
• 20:20
  Cheryl: So he was their only source of income and he broke his foot or he broke something.
• 20:24
  Cheryl: And so they didn't have any money and they had a large family.
• 20:30
  Cheryl: And so we talked about it and they had so much fun because we went and they love.
• 20:37
  Cheryl: The sneaking in and leaving it.
• 20:38
  Cheryl: So they never knew who it was and we had to range it it was just that fun that they didn't get any accolades themselves for it.
• 20:49
  Cheryl: And a guess someday I could actually tell her, I guess, We shopped for the shop for the children.
• 21:01
  Cheryl: Tape, uh, gift cards for, the grocery store on their doors and the kids loved it, you know, and we weren't in a position to spend$500, but it's, again, it's not the amount of.
• 21:16
  Cheryl: It's our hearts.
• 21:18
  Cheryl: It makes me
• 21:18
  Danae: think that we underestimate our children.
• 21:22
  Danae: Maybe some of the answer to materialism is we're doing too much for them.
• 21:27
  Danae: you know, if we would ask them what they would want to do, what they would want to do for others, maybe they'd help us out with this.
• 21:35
  Danae: We wouldn't have to come
• 21:35
  Christie: out on them more often.
• 21:38
  Ellen: Right.
• 21:39
  Ellen: Kids and teenagers.
• 21:41
  Ellen: If you start young, they do think it's fun to do that.
• 21:44
  Ellen: That becomes part of the holidays is what you're doing for other people, whether it's inviting people that don't have anywhere to go and, you know, feeding them and enjoying their company or taking things to others there.
• 21:59
  Ellen: I mean, there's really just so much we can do that.
• 22:02
  Ellen: You know, I didn't make the cookies just for us.
• 22:05
  Ellen: I made them for other people that was the point of the cookies, you know, it wasn't just, you know, just to have a ton of cookies they were made to be given away and the kids didn't
• 22:14
  Cheryl: all that.
• 22:15
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 22:15
  Cheryl: something exactly what you're talking about I would encourage all of you all and anybody listening sink about the mom or the people, particularly if their circumstances have changed, it doesn't have to be the.
• 22:30
  Cheryl: Um, but to say, Hey, like Christmas Adam, or that we're going to do something fun, would your family come and just join us and keep doing that to give to people, think of the people that are marginalized or you don't know, or a neighbor, but I'm thinking particularly moms who have gone through a divorce or they've lost somebody, or they've had something.
• 22:57
  Cheryl: In their lives that have radically changed the holidays for them, or this is their regular life.
• 23:04
  Cheryl: And then what can we do?
• 23:07
  Cheryl: It doesn't have to be the three hour meal but to invite them over for cocoa and just
• 23:12
  Danae: to bring them in.
• 23:13
  Danae: Yeah.
• 23:13
  Danae: But I'm thinking you can't do that.
• 23:15
  Danae: I can't do that.
• 23:16
  Danae: If I'm overdoing doing with my decorations.
• 23:23
  Danae: You know, gifts, my preparation for food and what the table is going to look like.
• 23:29
  Danae: It makes me think I'm listening to both of you that talk about having so many people in I'm.
• 23:33
  Danae: I'm getting a little bit of anxiety.
• 23:35
  Danae: our family is growing.
• 23:38
  Danae: We're talking about.
• 23:40
  Danae: Boyfriends coming to Thanksgiving, which is by the way, going to be the day after it's going to be on Friday so we can all be together.
• 23:47
  Danae: Um, but I they're going to be bringing food and I'm just thinking, okay, practically, how do I get all of this food ready to where we can all eat at the same time?
• 24:00
  Cheryl: Because of course, Pinterest, Ellen has it down to a science.
• 24:05
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 24:05
  Cheryl: Please help.
• 24:07
  Cheryl: Instead because my heart is the people feeling embraced and loved.
• 24:13
  Cheryl: And so as we began doing this, particularly, this is what we did after bill is we started inviting more people and I loved it because my kids did pick up on it.
• 24:22
  Cheryl: And I can remember like Alex calling.
• 24:26
  Cheryl: On Thanksgiving morning, say, mom, do you still have room?
• 24:29
  Cheryl: And it was someone, an international student that he knew, or he goes, can we still invite people that don't have anywhere to go?
• 24:36
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 24:36
  Cheryl: If you know anybody doesn't have somewhere to go and find them.
• 24:39
  Cheryl: And so.
• 24:40
  Cheryl: We didn't have a beautiful long Oak table with linen tablecloths and, expensive China and so forth, we made sure we had enough extra tables and we would just say, okay, kids?
• 24:51
  Cheryl: How can we figure this out?
• 24:53
  Cheryl: And we had old folding chairs.
• 24:55
  Cheryl: And so people had to sit them on folding chairs and we just spread it, just.
• 25:00
  Cheryl: The old adding water to the soup type thing.
• 25:03
  Cheryl: It's okay.
• 25:03
  Cheryl: And then one time there were so many people that came.
• 25:06
  Cheryl: I told my kids, FHB and so I went to my kids and I said, okay, this is an FHB, which is family holdings.
• 25:15
  Cheryl: So some of the things that we want to go further, that the family takes less of that and let, to go to the people that are visiting.
• 25:24
  Cheryl: So this I go, this is an FHB because we didn't realize like finite pies or something.
• 25:31
  Cheryl: You can cut them a little smaller, but we just want it to go because the focus was on other people.
• 25:36
  Cheryl: And, um, I miss that.
• 25:39
  Cheryl: I love that.
• 25:40
  Cheryl: If, you know, somebody wants to come invite, and I
• 25:42
  Ellen: think, and I look back if I would actually think it through, we've had a lot of.
• 25:47
  Ellen: Holidays with tons of people over where minor disasters have happened.
• 25:52
  Ellen: I mean, one year we lived in military housing.
• 25:55
  Ellen: We had one bathroom And of course, every time it rains.
• 26:00
  Ellen: All the plumbing back down.
• 26:02
  Cheryl: this is going bad.
• 26:04
  Ellen: So Thanksgiving morning, the sewage is coming up in the bathtub everywhere.
• 26:10
  Ellen: We couldn't, we didn't even have a bathroom to use.
• 26:12
  Ellen: So we had to go next door to our neighbor and ask, can we use your bathroom?
• 26:17
  Ellen: And we didn't even shower or anything.
• 26:18
  Ellen: And now we're going to have a house full of.
• 26:22
  Ellen: And the military plumber's got out as soon as they could, but you know, it kinda smelled bad, but everybody had a good time.
• 26:30
  Ellen: they had to go next door to our neighbors.
• 26:32
  Ellen: They were leaving town.
• 26:33
  Ellen: So it worked out perfectly.
• 26:35
  Ellen: And I wouldn't have said.
• 26:37
  Ellen: I wrote it down.
• 26:38
  Ellen: What was the best Christmas or holidays that you had, but it worked and everybody had a good time because the people said to us, the people that came said, oh, it was really fun because we had to pet your dogs and we got to bring your around your kids, especially like for military people, don't forget about our military members, because a lot of them can't get home for the holidays.
• 26:59
  Ellen: And it doesn't have
• 26:59
  Cheryl: to be perfect and have all these people that got invited what a beautiful memory.
• 27:06
  Cheryl: Because they're experiencing real life that people wanted them there to love them and it didn't have to be Pinterest.
• 27:14
  Cheryl: Perfect.
• 27:15
  Cheryl: And so we're speaking to the heart of what the holidays are all about, whatever it is is that
• 27:21
  Danae: really, it kind of is right now.
• 27:23
  Danae: Around to expectations.
• 27:26
  Danae: You know, we had, um, one of the listeners ask about, you know, having the holidays in their own house now because they had the biggest house that I'm thinking you were talking about, the answers to that are some of our thoughts.
• 27:39
  Danae: Anyway, some of our experiences with don't worry about having it.
• 27:44
  Danae: Perfect.
• 27:44
  Danae: It's let's just get everybody together.
• 27:47
  Danae: That's that's what it's about.
• 27:48
  Danae: That's what brings the joy.
• 27:50
  Danae: Yeah.
• 27:50
  Christie: Well, yeah, it's about the memories.
• 27:53
  Christie: It's not about perfection.
• 27:54
  Cheryl: So denied.
• 27:55
  Cheryl: That's so good because this is what it's about.
• 27:59
  Cheryl: And even if our own individual families.
• 28:03
  Cheryl: Art what we want, or like, we want to try and love our children set a good example to them and to check.
• 28:10
  Cheryl: Bring joy and love for other people.
• 28:14
  Cheryl: That's what we're talking about.
• 28:16
  Cheryl: And if we could all objectives say, well, that's really what the holidays are about.
• 28:20
  Cheryl: So I think this is a great place because we have.
• 28:24
  Cheryl: We've just run out of time again, but I love what you all contributed.
• 28:28
  Cheryl: And I think what we did, it's like they say the spirit of Christmas.
• 28:32
  Cheryl: So the spirit of the holidays or the spirit of Thanksgiving, I think that's what this is about.
• 28:38
  Cheryl: And, um, thank you so much again for coming in.
• 28:42
  Cheryl: I really appreciate it.
• 28:43
  Cheryl: Of course.
• 28:44
  Ellen: Feliz Navidad Happy Hanukkah.
• 28:48
  Ellen: Happy
• 28:48
  Cheryl: Thanksgiving.
• 28:50
  Cheryl: All right, moms why don't you start some Neisha questions?
• 28:54
  Cheryl: Speak into this DMS?
• 28:56
  Cheryl: you can email us at connect.
• 28:59
  Cheryl: At the parenting podcast.com you can go to our website or anywhere else.
• 29:05
  Cheryl: You want to get ahold of us.
• 29:06
  Cheryl: We want to hear, questions from real moms, and we want to do what we just done today..
• 29:12
  Cheryl: So get in touch with moms remember, hang in there.
• 29:16
  Cheryl: Keep loving, keep persevering.
• 29:18
  Cheryl: Even through all the holidays because it's worth it.
• 29:21
  Cheryl: Yes, it is.