Latest / Chatting with The Experts with Paula Okonneh / Moving from Overthinking to Aligned Action

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Moving from Overthinking to Aligned Action · Chatting with The Experts with Paula Okonneh

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Hello and welcome to Chatting with the Experts podcast, where I speak
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with phenomenal, amazing, fantastic.
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I'm running out of adjectives, women from Africa, from the
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Caribbean, and in the diaspora.
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These women are experts at what they do and they share my mission,
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which is to educate, empower, and encourage women globally.
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Today's topic is Clarity, Identity, and Courage, Becoming
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Who You Were Meant To Be.
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And my guest who will join me in a minute or two says, what if the
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real barrier is not lack of clarity, but rather lack of alignment.
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She will share how identity, self-trust, and courage shape the decisions that
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we make and the lives that we create.
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And this conversation will challenge you to stop waiting
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and rather to start moving.
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She is the founder of EvolveLumina.
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She's a confidence and amplifier coach and a strategic engineering
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and operations leader, with over 18 years experience in the energy sector.
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She empowers teams, women and professionals to gain clarity, build
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confidence and take courageous action through coaching, leadership frameworks
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and transformational programs.
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Her bio is impressive, ladies and a few gentlemen who will join us.
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So I'm gonna do this.
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I'm gonna invite her to join me right now.
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So welcome to chatting with the experts, Esther Wokoma.
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Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
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Thank you for saying yes.
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I don't take it for granted when any woman or man, I have a few men who join us.
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So whenever anyone says yes to being a guest, I'm thrilled.
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So thank you for joining me today.
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Is there anything I left off from this, your impressive bio?
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No, you did everything.
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You said everything.
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Thank you so much, Paula.
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I'm really glad to be here.
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And one thing I've consistently seen, whether in leadership or coaching, is that
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many people don't actually lack clarity.
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They lack alignment and self-trust.
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They know what to do, but they are not doing it.
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And sometimes it's not because they don't want to, it's because something
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else is louder in that moment.
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And...
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we've all had those moments where we know exactly what to do and still don't do it.
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So how do you help us?
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Because a lot of us go down that road.
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I know I still go down that road in some things.
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I mean, some things I'm totally clear on and some things I'm like, ah, so how do I
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move from overthinking to aligned action?
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Okay.
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So sometimes the real issue is not what's competing with that clarity, because it
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could be fear, it could be self-doubt, external expectations, or even comfort.
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Mm-hmm.
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Because sometimes we know what to do, but doing it will disrupt our comfort.
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And we're like, maybe not today.
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So the question is not always, what should I do?
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It's what's stopping me from doing what I already know, and that's where
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identity becomes really important.
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I'm musing over that.
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That's where identity becomes really important.
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Okay, so let's drill in that.
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So the role of identity and confidence, how, help me, help
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me, help me go through that.
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How does that identity become really important?
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Help me with that.
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Okay.
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So it's important because your identity shapes your decisions.
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Mm-hmm.
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If you don't see yourself as confident...
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mm-hmm.
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You'll hesitate.
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Mm-hmm.
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It's like trying to be a different person.
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Mm-hmm.
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Your mind will pull you back to who you think you are.
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Mm-hmm.
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So for example, you could act like a CEO in one moment.
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Mm-hmm.
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Everybody's looking at you, wow, this is a fantastic person.
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And then you go right back to, Hmm, I'm not sure I can do this.
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The next moment you're there.
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So it's not only about knowing, it's about who you believe you are.
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Because you will always act in alignment with your identity.
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So, alright.
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So I know you work with teenagers.
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Mm-hmm.
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You work with women, you work with professionals.
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So because every woman and every professional has been a teenager at some
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point, let's start with the teenagers.
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How do you help them see their identity?
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Because as teenagers, I remember myself as a teenager, I didn't quite
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know who I was, so let's start there.
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Okay.
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So a lot of times when I'm talking with them, I try to ask them
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what they are mostly afraid of.
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And a lot of times they're afraid of the expectations of people,
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what they think about them.
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And so that puts subtle pressure on them.
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And then I remind them that they are unique.
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They were created with a purpose and nobody else can do what they can do, so
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be you and believe that you are valuable.
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So every time I tell them, you are valuable, it is like
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a light bulb moment for them.
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You are unique and you are valuable, and people are waiting to hear your voice.
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And so when people start to see that.
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See who they are, their confidence that's building, and they stop overthinking
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or second guessing themselves.
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Gotcha.
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So you start with the teenagers.
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That's why I asked you that.
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So when the teenagers, you re keep reminding them they are who they are.
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They are valuable.
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The world is waiting for them.
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After all, they are the generations who will take over from the
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present generation at some point.
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So the world is indeed literally waiting for them and so walk in
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who they have been called to be.
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Yes.
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All right, let's go to the women now.
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I'm a woman.
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So for the women, a lot of times it's about hesitating.
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Mm-hmm.
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So you want to do things.
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You know that you are capable.
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Mm-hmm.
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But then you stay stuck because of the hesitations around
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you're second guessing yourself.
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You're doubting yourself.
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And then I've also been there where, you know, I needed to, I know
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what needed to change, but I kept hesitating, not because I lacked
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clarity, but because I wasn't trusting myself to make the right decision.
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And so that's what happens to a lot of women.
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The self trust, you're not trusting yourself and you're like,
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no, maybe this will be wrong.
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Maybe this will be perceived differently.
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You know, all the maybes, maybes, maybes, and then you don't do what you need to do.
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So it's building back that confident in themselves that you
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can do what you say you can do.
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It's not about not knowing what to do.
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You know what to do, so let's get you to believe in yourself and let's do it.
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Building back that confidence.
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I love that.
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Building back that confidence.
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And then let's get you to be what you called to do and, and do it.
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Okay.
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So there's certain frameworks you must put into play.
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Yes, yes.
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And so it's, so I call it the three C framework.
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So it's clarity, confidence, courage.
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So clarity to see who you are.
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And confidence to believe in it, and then courage to move.
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So I take people through that framework.
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Yeah.
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And then so those are the pillars.
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And then it's built on a Rice Framework.
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So when you're reviewing, you are identifying, you are stepping
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forward and you are expanding.
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So by the time you expanding, you're like, yes, the self leader
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in me has reason and I'm moving.
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Loving it.
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Loving it, loving it, Esther, so I missed out on the first clarity.
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I know.
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Confidence and
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Courage.
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Okay.
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And courage.
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What's the first?
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Clarity.
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Clarity.
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So
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Clarity.
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Clarity to see who you are.
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To see who you are.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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All right.
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Confidence to believe who you are.
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Yes.
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And then courage to move into who you are.
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Yes.
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I love that.
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Absolutely love that.
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And that's where the confidence amplifying coaching.
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Business, I mean coaching coach.
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Yes.
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That's where you are.
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That's who you're that,
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yes.
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Yes.
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That's where it came from.
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And then I know you talked about, you know, I was in corporate and everything.
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Yes.
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And then because you paused and you had this smile like, wow.
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But then by transition it was more about deeper alignment.
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So I had spent about 18 years in a junior and operations leadership.
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And on the outside everything looked strong, results,
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responsibility, progression.
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But what I kept seeing not only in myself, but in others,
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was that people were capable.
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People could be capable.
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And you still feel stuck.
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Mm.
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So you have the skills, you have the experience, but
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there's still that hesitation.
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There's that self-doubt.
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There's that lack of clarity around who you are truly
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meant to be and what you want.
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And so that stayed with me.
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And so that transition into coaching was really about answering that deeper
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question, how do I help people move from knowing to actually becoming?
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And so that's how evolved when I was born, to help people gain clarity,
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build confidence, and take courageous action in alignment with who they are.
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It's really about who they are, because remember, God created every
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one of us for a unique purpose.
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And so remembering who you are and believing in it helps you move forward.
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You are very perceptive because yes, I did have a smile because when we,
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your, your bio is so, as I said, very impressive where you, not you go, but
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reading it as you know, the founder of EvolveLumina, your confidence,
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amplifier coach, but you also.
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Came from a background of strategic engineering, operations leadership.
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It, you know, there's like, hmm.
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There's a transition there.
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So you are doing this based on your experience in a way, because you had,
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as you said, everything pointed to success, but there was still that bit of
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a gap and, and you identified that gap.
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And so you are working from that gap in helping people say, this is who you are.
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Mm-hmm.
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And because this is who you are.
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I can help you be who you are, but because I recognize that, because that was me.
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Yes.
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Yes.
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Esther, I get it now.
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I get it.
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That's why you're so good at what you do.
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Thank you.
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Yeah, because it's, it's conviction.
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I'm aligned so I can see it when I'm talking with them.
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And you mind talking with people, especially from the teens to, because I'm
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talking with women a lot and I see the questions they're asking, so that's why I
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want to help teens to prevent, you know, us getting to that point where you are.
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You almost wanting to give up.
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Like I'm making all the efforts, I'm doing everything, but it's not working.
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You know, so let's help the next generation, you know, and not be where
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some of the women and professionals are.
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I love what you're doing.
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I really do.
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You know, when you start with this, with the teens as we said a few minutes ago,
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that they are the generation to come.
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They're going to step into our shoes, but when they know who they are.
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I mean, they've been created, as you said, in God's image.
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They have a purpose.
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He's got a purpose for them.
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But if that's not realized early enough, when they don't even know who
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you know, they can't see it and someone else can see it, if they're not guided
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properly, then that gap is there, and then there's that dissatisfaction and
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that niggling feeling of failure to launch, failure to launch, failure to
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launch because they're not in the right.
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Um.
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You know, it's like, what do they say?
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Fitting in a square into a round hole.
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Round hole.
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Yeah.
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Yes.
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And that's where you come into play because you are like, okay,
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there's a round hole and you are round, so let's fit you there.
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As opposed to...
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exactly,
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you are square.
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There's a round hole.
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I tried to fit you in there because this is what you should do.
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Because that is where we think you should go, whereas that's
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not you in the first place.
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Yeah.
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And so that's why I also remind them that, you know, they have the passions,
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they have what they like, and those things were placed there for a reason.
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Mm-hmm.
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So you could translate those passions into, you know, fulfilling your purpose.
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So what are you good at?
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What do you like?
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Not what somebody tells you you should like, but what do you like?
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So you like helping people, you like teaching people, you know, how do we
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translate that into, you know, something you're going to do to help the world,
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to help you know, the people around you.
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And it's always very exciting when you see them light up and like, yes.
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So, as I talk with you, this is what I'm hearing.
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Talking with you, I know you said teens, women professionals, but when
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you talk about teens, you come alive.
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You really come alive.
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That's the Esther I see
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playing on your word, Lumina.
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You illuminate.
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When we talk about teens, and I've seen that there's another young
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lady I know when children come, when did she talks about other things?
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Yes, yes.
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But when it comes to children, she comes alive.
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I saw that with you.
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We talked about teens and I was Woo.
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Women, yes.
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Professional, but teens.
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So that seems like that's your sweet spot.
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That's my sweet spot because you can mold them.
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There's an excitement they come with.
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There's that energy.
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And it's sad when you see, you know, them drifting because a lot and they're trying
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to fit into a mold that is not them.
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But when you are talking with them and they're very, what I like love about
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them is that they see it as an ease.
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So the filters, they don't have the filters like we already have put in.
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So they're saying this, like in one of the sessions I was having with the team
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during Next Gen Rising once said that, I already don't think it will work.
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So why do I need to make the effort?
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Why do I need to put in the effort?
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So imagine that mindset from its team and how that would translate.
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And so I had to reframe, you know, the mind and no, put in the effort.
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You can do it.
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You are already good.
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So because you failed it one time doesn't make you a failure.
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Yes.
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It's an event.
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And so overlook that event and bring the real you out.
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So it's exciting when you see that.
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Uh oh look.
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Got tears in my eyes.
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Yeah.
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It's an event.
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I love that.
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As opposed to that's where you are.
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So just, you know, accept it.
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Yeah.
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But knowing that.
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Even that experience does not define you.
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It was an event.
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There will be other events.
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So this event that could have been, you know, that happened then,
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but it doesn't mean that that's gonna be the next event you go to.
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And so that comes, I'm going right back to the name of your business.
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Evolve.
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Yes.
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Lumina.
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So you are a founder of a...
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this almost sounds like a movement.
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So that they are evolving.
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Movement.
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Yes, yes.
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Or making them evolve, like, you know, and the bright lights that is in you.
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Let's make it glow.
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Ah.
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Loving it.
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Loving.
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Really, really, really.
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And then the confidence amplifier.
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Ah, I love it.
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I love it.
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I love it.
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And so coming back to, so then you talking about that teen, I'm just thinking if
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you weren't there, how they might have walked around in that wrong thinking and
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you know, and sometimes I remember as a teen, you walk around in that wrong way of
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thinking and then you start overthinking.
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Exactly.
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Yes.
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And a lot of people are overthinking.
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So you're thinking, you're researching, you are planning,
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and you are still not moving.
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Yes.
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Because you're in the wrong space in the first place.
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You are overthinking the wrong thing.
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Yes.
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You're overthinking.
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And at some point it's no longer preparation because you know how we
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come with what we're like, oh, we're trying to get everything together.
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We're making sure we are fully prepared.
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You know?
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So at that point, it's no longer preparation.
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It's avoidance.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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It's avoidance and you don't think your way into confidence.
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Yes.
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You act your way into it.
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Mm-hmm.
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Mm-hmm.
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So how do we do that?
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Because if we don't think our way into confidence, when we act our way into
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it, so we are moving, in other words, from overthinking into alignment.
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How do you help us?
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How do you help the teen?
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Let's go to the teens because I know you love the teens.
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How do you help those teenagers move from overthinking into that aligned action?
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Because there's a movement in that we are moving from
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overthinking into aligned action.
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Give us a tip.
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Okay.
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And so that's where consistency comes in.
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Mm-hmm.
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So it's in those daily or small habits that you make consistent.
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So those 30 minutes every day you put in.
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So that's why I encourage them.
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You're not waiting to have like three hours block and then you read,
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but that daily and consistent 30 minutes today, 30 minutes tomorrow
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on becoming a better person.
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You, so you're learning something new, you're doing your assignments,
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you're focusing on building that skill.
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So that consistent effort is what would build you.
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And so that takes me into the confidence and consistency.
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Mm-hmm.
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So where people think that confidence comes when they feel ready.
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Mm-hmm.
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So they're waiting to be ready.
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But if we waited to feel ready, most of us will still be waiting, including me.
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We'll still be waiting.
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We won't start.
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I won't start.
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If what we'll be like, we will just sit down because they're like, oh, I don't
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have, some people will go like, oh, I don't have the master's, I don't have
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the PhD. I don't have the qualifications.
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They'll give all the reasons why they can't move forward.
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Mm-hmm.
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Because they were waiting.
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Right.
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So that's, that's really what I encourage people don't wait to feel ready
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because confidence comes in the action.
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You get better.
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You know, like there's a statement of people somebody has made
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where great is the enemy of good.
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So you're waiting to be good and then you don't start because you're
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like, oh, I need to be great first.
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But then start from where you are, be good.
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And then with your consistent practice, you become great.
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So true.
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The longest journey starts with that first step.
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Yes.
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Step one, step two, and you're closer.
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Step three.
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Exactly.
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And so that's what I remind them.
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So you're building confidence through the small, repeated actions.
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And so you give yourself a promise, you fulfill it.
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You tell yourself, I'm going to study for 30 minutes every day.
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You fulfill it.
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You are building that self-trust, so you're beginning to believe in yourself.
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That once you say you do something, you do it, and then you move it to
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maybe one hour you're studying for one hour, or if they called you to come and
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speak somewhere, you are going there and you know, you do the first one.
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They're like, oh wow.
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So that's self-trust coming back.
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Remember always said, I said about the women where we don't trust ourselves,
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we don't think we can make the right decisions, but then those consistent
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and repeated, you know, small actions help you build self trust.
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It's so true.
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So true.
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Oh my word.
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I could keep talking to you forever, but everything, every
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good thing has to come to an end.
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But before we go, I gotta show off your book, my copy showing off on both ends.
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So I bought your copy.
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You gotta book.
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Tell us about this.
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Yeah, so on your story, it's a 31 day confidence impact journal.
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And if you notice on the cover you see my daughter, she's also a teen, she
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also has published her book as well.
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And so this is about, yeah, she has like three books now
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and they're all bestsellers.
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Yes.
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I'm gonna be zooming it in and out.
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Can you see it?
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Is it the right way?
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Yeah.
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The right way?
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Yes.
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Okay.
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You can see it?
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Yes.
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So this, this book came about, you know, with conversations, not the
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regular conversations where you're like sitting down to wait for conversation.
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So conversations in the kitchen, conversations when I'm dropping her in
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school, and just creating the space where she could ask questions, where I could
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encourage her to believe in herself.
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Mm-hmm.
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So it was still tied to confidence, clarity, courage.
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Mm-hmm.
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And she's very curious, and I think that's why I like teens a lot because
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their curiosity is interesting.
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They would ask you questions where you are like, Hmm, okay, that's a good one.
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And you don't do the generic answer.
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You're like, okay, so let's, let's discuss it.
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Because they'll just tell you, no, that's not right.
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You know, they're very bold, this generation.
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So for example, recently my daughter told me that.
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When I'm talking to you about my day.
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Mm-hmm.
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I don't expect you to do coaching in that moment.
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Listen, because I've already had a long day.
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I've been with people like I haven't really liked, and so I
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don't want to come and start here.
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Oh, you should have done this, you should have done this.
23:09
And I just listen.
23:11
And then later we could do the coaching.
23:14
And so that space created that space where you could reflect.
23:19
You could, you know, think about what you want?
23:25
Mm-hmm.
23:26
And what's stopping you?
23:27
What's making you stay in that hesitant state or lack of self-trust.
23:33
So those were reflections.
23:34
And then there's a guide every day where there's a poem that you reflect
23:39
on and then you ask yourself, how is it tying to the mindsets that you have?
23:45
So this is me trying to build clarity into people and make them reframe their
23:50
mindset to believe in the possibility, to believe in who God says they are.
23:57
And take those courageous actions in alignment with who
24:01
they are and live with deep joy.
24:03
You can see that I'm always happy.
24:04
I'm always smiling.
24:05
Yes.
24:05
So I, I want people to, you know, live in that deep joy.
24:09
Yes, yes.
24:10
Yes.
24:10
That's part of your bio, part of your bio.
24:12
It says create meaningful, impact and live with deep joy.
24:19
Yes.
24:19
And I align with you on this because I tell everyone, well, who wants to listen?
24:24
I choose joy.
24:25
There's so much sadness in the world.
24:26
There's so much unhappiness.
24:28
There's so much destruction.
24:30
You know, the news.
24:31
You just turn on in the news, and you can hear so many things to be distressed and
24:36
despair over, but I choose to be joyful.
24:39
So I love you.
24:39
Exactly.
24:40
I like what you said.
24:41
It's a choice.
24:42
It's a choice.
24:43
It's a choice.
24:45
And, I'm gonna end with this.
24:46
A young man was speaking to me recently and he said to me, Ma, happiness
24:51
is based on the circumstances, but joy comes from within.
24:56
And I said to him.
24:57
That's why I like you because I choose to be joyful.
25:00
It's not based on the circumstances because many of times the
25:03
circumstances, I've not been happy, but I am joyful in them.
25:09
So Esther, we do have to wrap up, but you know, of course there are people
25:14
in the audience who wanna speak with you, but this also is gonna be on
25:19
YouTube and of course the audio will be on Spotify and Apple Podcast.
25:24
How can people listening or viewing this on YouTube, how
25:28
can they get in touch with you?
25:32
Okay, so I'm on LinkedIn as Esther Wokoma, and so that's
25:36
why I do the thought leadership.
25:39
I'm also on Instagram, so there's Evolve at Evolve Instagram, so we have
25:45
the community, you know, giving the insights, giving the leadership nuggets.
25:50
There's also my email esther@evolvelumina.com.
25:55
I can be reached through that.
25:57
Yeah.
25:57
Yeah.
25:58
You're on Instagram.
25:59
It's the link tree in the, you know, comments so people can connect with me.
26:05
Yeah.
26:06
Absolutely.
26:07
Absolutely.
26:07
Yes.
26:08
And for those of you...
26:10
journal to help them, you know, like 31 days, build your mindset.
26:15
Yes.
26:18
All of that.
26:19
I'll drop that in the chat.
26:20
And also that will be in the show notes on my website where
26:24
there's the link to the audio.
26:26
Which, as I mentioned, is on Apple Podcast and on Spotify, and also
26:30
there's a link to the my YouTube channel, so all of that will be there.
26:35
And for those of you who.
26:37
Join us in the audience and who are watching this or listening to
26:40
this later on, if you'd like to be a guest, just like Esther has been,
26:45
please reach out to me on my website, which is chattingwiththeexperts.com.
26:49
I'm also on LinkedIn.
26:51
My business page there is Chatting with the experts, or you can reach out to me on
26:56
my profile page, which is Paula Okonneh.
26:58
I am on Facebook now.
27:00
I didn't always, I wasn't always there.
27:02
My business page on Facebook is Chatting with the Experts or, you
27:06
can reach out to me on my personal page, which is Paula Okonneh.
27:10
I am on.
27:12
Instagram my handle there is at chat_experts_podcast
27:19
and we have a YouTube channel.
27:23
We asked you to subscribe to it because every week we have a phenomenal woman
27:29
there, educating, empowering and encouraging other women just like us
27:37
on the topics that they are experts on.
27:42
So please join us every Wednesday at 1:00 PM live for the live
27:46
audience, or if you miss out on that.
27:50
Why would you though?
27:52
You can catch up with us on the YouTube by subscribing or on
27:56
Apple Podcast, or on Spotify.
27:59
And now we'll open up the floor to all those who joined us live so
28:03
that they can have a chance to speak with the amazing Esther Wokoma.
28:09
Thank you Esther, for saying yes to being a guest on the show.
28:14
Thank you for having me.
28:15
Oh, you are amazing.
28:17
Amazing.
28:18
Absolutely amazing.
28:19
Thank you.