Latest / Authentic Living / How to Find the Secret Gift of Introverts with Jon Baker
Transcript
- 0:01Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
- 0:08things that really matter in our lives.
- 0:11And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
- 0:36Hi, everyone.
- 0:36It's Roxanne Durgesh.
- 0:38Nice to have you on with me again this week.
- 0:41Today, I have a special colleague on, John Baker.
- 0:44John, and I met, I couldn't think about a month ago.
- 0:49So when I had the privilege of being on his podcast and, with a fascinating topic that John
- 0:57focuses on, which is about introverts.
- 0:59That being said, I'm I'm the one that's called the chatterbox in my family and the middle
- 1:05child of 6 children, and I was always trying to find my spot So I'm the introvert that, you
- 1:11know, extrovert that was ready in the front and center.
- 1:15And, John, is a self proclaimed introvert.
- 1:19So John does a lot of work with introverts, but what I'm interested in is his work, but also
- 1:24him, coming from the of someone that's introverted how he kind of got into this kind
- 1:30of, the world of, working, training and speaking with introverts.
- 1:35So, John, welcome to the podcast.
- 1:37Hey, Roxanne.
- 1:38Great to be here.
- 1:39Thank you for inviting me.
- 1:41It's a subject, as you know, because we spoke about it for quite a while off air that I kinda
- 1:46get get excited about.
- 1:48But, think you you asked a nice question there, which is how did I get involved?
- 1:52I've been I've been involved in management training, leadership for many, many years.
- 2:00I, you know, when I was fat, fun years, and I even cared to think about now.
- 2:04But, So originally in retailing and then in B2B, training sales teams around Europe,
- 2:11etcetera, till the day I said, great.
- 2:14I'm gonna stop with that.
- 2:15I'm gonna work for myself.
- 2:16So I've been working for myself for about, oh, getting on for 20 years now.
- 2:22And coaching organizations and leaders in organizations.
- 2:26And initially, you know, it wasn't around introversion.
- 2:30Initially, it was around strategy.
- 2:31It was around business development and leadership.
- 2:35And then about 2 or 3 years ago, I was I I I restructured my life, and I was looking to to
- 2:43to create a stronger niche or niche, as you might say, might call it, I think.
- 2:47But, And so I I was reflecting on a lot of the work that I've done.
- 2:51And the times when the times when I've I've been more effective as a coach, The times when
- 2:59I've enjoyed my work more, and I've I've felt I've got more from it, and the times when the
- 3:04best results came out.
- 3:05And very often, When I look back on it, it's when I've been working with or about and the
- 3:13subjects have been largely around introverts.
- 3:15And so that's when I started to say, you know what?
- 3:17There's something in here.
- 3:19I'm gonna start writing a book.
- 3:20I'm gonna start doing some research around the area.
- 3:23And so the the specialists and the niches deepened since then, I think, is probably the
- 3:29the best way to put it.
- 3:30And It kind of started quite often with people saying, you know, I'd be working with somebody
- 3:35who who might sit and say, in my team, there's There's there's 2.
- 3:39And no one seemed to be every single team has seems to have 2 or 3 people that never speak up
- 3:46and the leader says to me, what shall I do about them?
- 3:48I think I just gotta get rid of them.
- 3:49They clearly don't have any ideas.
- 3:51They never say anything.
- 3:52And what a waste of time?
- 3:55And you kind of look at them and you because because I was working differently with them.
- 4:00I could go, hang on.
- 4:01I know they know a load of stuff.
- 4:03I know they're really good.
- 4:05So it's not any of that.
- 4:06So what's going on.
- 4:07And very often, it's the way that they were being treated.
- 4:11And it's interesting because when I started to to do the research and I've done spoken to
- 4:16about 450, 500 business people.
- 4:19Now both introvert and extrovert, about productivity and some of the issues that affect
- 4:24them.
- 4:25And about 40% of people We'll sit there and say quietly to me, they might not say it to their
- 4:32boss, but quietly to me, they'll say they're not properly productive.
- 4:36Which is kinda shocking, although they'll speak to HR people and they go, that's about right.
- 4:42Then what I did was kind of like an onion, I unpilled a few more layers and tried to find
- 4:47out what.
- 4:48And there's three things where these three things Overlap is the the greatest problem.
- 4:54Number 1, communication style within the company.
- 4:58Number 2, company culture, which, let's be honest, is very much based around the
- 5:03communication style.
- 5:04And number 3, intro.
- 5:07So where you've got an introvert that has has a is working in a company where there's a
- 5:12culture, which is very much more extrovert, which is very much more at ego driven.
- 5:16And as a particular type of communication style, the introverts weren't as productive.
- 5:23In other words, they were being pushed to one side.
- 5:26So I started to explore that and go, hey.
- 5:28What's actually happening here?
- 5:31So that's where it came from.
- 5:33Interesting.
- 5:33Right?
- 5:34Because, I think of the organizations that I've worked with, and I'm curious, with sales
- 5:41organizations or subsets of organizations in sales.
- 5:47What happens to introverts in those environments?
- 5:50Is it is it a different experience for them?
- 5:54Because productivity is productivity at the end of the at at the end of the line.
- 5:57Right?
- 5:57But I know that's oftentimes within companies, and I think of the companies that I've worked
- 6:03with or for, you know, sales is about the kind of the rah rah front of the line, ecobase, you
- 6:10know, kind of egocentric kind of subculture within the culture.
- 6:16So I'm curious with your experience with introverts, how do they fare in in those kind
- 6:22of subsets of organizations.
- 6:24I think there's a couple of interesting things here.
- 6:26So the first thing for me is just just the direct question, which people sometimes say is
- 6:32can introvert make good salespeople?
- 6:34And the answer to me is absolutely yes.
- 6:37Very good friend of mine wrote the the book, networking for dummies.
- 6:40Great, great friend, Ben Kench, and I was chatting to him a great length on this.
- 6:45And we both kind of went, you know what?
- 6:47There's an old saying, particularly in the UK, that, people have got 2 of these on one of
- 6:54these, and salespeople should use them in that proportion.
- 6:57But as you probably know, most, most extroverts tend to use them in the opposite proportion.
- 7:03So can introverts sell, yeah, because they're very good at listening and then asking the
- 7:08right questions, which sometimes, some of our more extroverted colleagues get carried away
- 7:14and and keep talking.
- 7:16So so that's kind of answering the direct question about can they sell?
- 7:20And then, of course, your question was about How are they in those organizations?
- 7:25And I think, again, the more extroverted, the more ego driven the organization the less the
- 7:33less the intuit feel comfortable within that organization.
- 7:37And yet, the reason why I started saying, hey.
- 7:42This is a leadership issue is because it's leaders that set the communication style and
- 7:48the leaders that set the culture.
- 7:51Absolutely.
- 7:52Absolutely.
- 7:53Yeah.
- 7:53And if if the leadership is looking for quote, unquote extra virgin as as a as an indicator of
- 8:00performance in sales, that's gonna direct potentially how their culture views, their
- 8:05sales teams But really at the end of the day, it's, it's, it's about, bottom lines and
- 8:10productivity at the end of the day.
- 8:12And if you interface accordingly for what you're saying, I often say that introverts,
- 8:17they topple me over sometimes because they will come up with such a subset of points But I'm,
- 8:25I'm oftentimes too far ahead, and then, then they'll call me back because they, they are
- 8:29able to synthesize, their points of view into one overall strategic kind of objective.
- 8:36And I go, where did that come from?
- 8:39Right?
- 8:39Cause I'm getting there, but I'm probably getting there, at a slower pace because I'm
- 8:44I'm, like you said, oftentimes I'm talking.
- 8:48And, the the some of the best, people that have taught me to be a better listener generally has
- 8:55been an introvert.
- 8:56I think there's an interesting thing in that that you just said.
- 9:00Many and This comes down to a kind of semi definitional thing if I could put it like that.
- 9:05Many people will talk about introverts and rightly so as having should we say feeling de
- 9:10energized when they spend a lot of time with people and needing to recharge their batteries
- 9:15by being on their own?
- 9:16It's a bit like, some of the old, old, really old mobile phones with some of the old
- 9:22batteries.
- 9:22You as soon as you soon as you took them out of the dark room and unplugged them and did that
- 9:26bit where you needed to.
- 9:27You you spoke to them.
- 9:29You could see the battery games.
- 9:32And, so introverts.
- 9:34Very much about recharging alone whereas extroverts stereotypically are the opposite way
- 9:39around.
- 9:39Now lots of people will talk about that There is actually some neuroscientific background to
- 9:44that and around dopamine and acetylcholine makeup and and, sensitivity, but let's push
- 9:51that one to one side before we all fall asleep.
- 9:54The other the other thing, which is why I mentioned this one was quite interesting.
- 9:59Most of the introverts I speak to are what I would call internal processes, whereas most of
- 10:05the extroverts are external processes, So what's that look like in a in a business, in a
- 10:11in a typical meeting even?
- 10:14You ask the introvert the question.
- 10:16They stop when they're processing the answer inside their head.
- 10:20Mhmm.
- 10:21And typically, they want to come out with the best, the most structured, the most exactly as
- 10:25you said, synthesized piece that links all the bits together before they open their mouth and
- 10:31speak.
- 10:32Whereas the extrovert typically will fire words straight back out.
- 10:36And that's their way of thinking.
- 10:37It's not good.
- 10:38It's not bad.
- 10:39It's it's just different.
- 10:41It's not, At the end of the day, it's not not even any faster because when you get to the end
- 10:46of the result, as you said, it's about joining all the bits together to come out.
- 10:50What's the best answer?
- 10:52So there is some background to to exactly what you said about processing.
- 10:56It's different ways people think.
- 10:58However, the downside is this is why I mentioned the meetings thing very often, some
- 11:05people don't like gaps in the conversation.
- 11:07So if somebody might ask me a question or throw a questionnaire into a meeting and what
- 11:13typically happens?
- 11:14The extroverts externally process, and so they start firing answers out there.
- 11:20The introverts stop think and and might come out with the answer a a second later.
- 11:27They're not slow.
- 11:27They're just thinking differently.
- 11:30And the the problem with that is, of course, you then go, oh, they will start talking.
- 11:36I'll shut up.
- 11:38And quite often we find that the introvert answer is, well, unless they feel incredibly
- 11:44strongly about something, they're not gonna be prepared to batter their way into an
- 11:48extroverted conversation where words are just flying around.
- 11:52Yep.
- 11:52Yep.
- 11:53And then there there's part of the problem.
- 11:55And that's why that's why he it's important whether it's in meetings and discussions.
- 11:59However, we like to look at it to to make that space for the whole team to become involved.
- 12:05And so I don't look at it and say, oh, it's about restructuring things for introverts when
- 12:10I work with leaders and say, well, If I said to you, 40% of your your business is not properly
- 12:16productive due to your communication style and your culture, would you wanna do something?
- 12:21And hell, yes, is the normal answer.
- 12:24Absolutely.
- 12:25Yeah.
- 12:25Creating the space in the way we work.
- 12:29And that's so interesting, right?
- 12:30You said about 35 to 40%.
- 12:32That's a substantive amount of your population.
- 12:35And, Let's say, and I'm this is a I'm I'm interested in this.
- 12:39Let's say you're how many CEOs have you of companies have you worked with or have been
- 12:45interfaced with or know of that are introverted, and how does that impact culture?
- 12:53Well, well, it's quite interesting actually.
- 12:54So firstly, are they introverted CEOs?
- 12:57Yes.
- 12:58Absolutely.
- 12:59We don't always think of them, but Some some of the ones that might jump up, you your listeners
- 13:05may have heard of Microsoft.
- 13:08Yes.
- 13:09They may have heard of oh, I can't call it Facebook now.
- 13:11I have to call it meta.
- 13:14And
- 13:14then we're talking so we're talking big CEOs.
- 13:16So is introversion a blockage to being a really successful business person.
- 13:21No.
- 13:21It's not.
- 13:24But very often, I've I've worked with business owners who are introverted.
- 13:31And some of them are absolutely get this stuff, and they try and create the relevant culture
- 13:35for the introverts.
- 13:37Some of them, however, have kind of battered their way to the top through doggy diligence
- 13:42and desire.
- 13:44But because they've grown up in a let's call it an extroverted biased world, they then start to
- 13:51run things in an reverted way because that's the model they've learned.
- 13:55And so it's when you stop and point them out, point out to them what's going on, they're
- 14:00like, Oh, yeah.
- 14:03And there's a big, big light bulb goes on.
- 14:05So so it's not just to sit there and say introverted leaders get this stuff and
- 14:09extroverts don't.
- 14:10It's is because the way that we all tend to work, especially, I think, in a, you know,
- 14:15Western Business Society.
- 14:17Right.
- 14:17And looking at, so, like, with my new book, ROR return on relationships.
- 14:22I talk about the leader really looking within him or herself to understand what they value
- 14:28and, you know, what it what you know, what Like you said, if the introverted person has to
- 14:33kinda, you know, bat their way up in that extroverted world, there's gonna be, you know,
- 14:39prongs that they're gonna get stuck into at times, and they might overcompensate, but to
- 14:43also understand that from a, a, a macro level to say, what is it that I need to look at
- 14:49within myself as a leader, whether an introvert or an extrovert to create the culture that
- 14:54you're looking for to impact, you know, all creativity, engagement, you know, all those
- 15:01fantastic things that eventually impact the bottom line.
- 15:05Right?
- 15:05So, you know, it's it's interesting when you look at it from that perspective.
- 15:09Absolutely.
- 15:10You know?
- 15:11Yeah.
- 15:12And I think one of the first things that I often see and all people come back to me with
- 15:17is is always those couple of people over there that that never that never say anything in
- 15:22meetings.
- 15:23And then my next question is quite often.
- 15:26Tell me about the rest of the group.
- 15:27Oh, well, there's there's quite a number of them that sometimes doing this, and there's 2
- 15:31or 3 that never shut up in the meeting.
- 15:33So so what I'm gonna say is that's the situation, that's one of the first things to
- 15:37reflect on because what's going on, the first thing you probably need to do to create space
- 15:42for the introverts to participate more is shut these guys up here.
- 15:47And that's a it's quite an interesting reflection, and that that's an incredibly
- 15:51simple one.
- 15:52And it and it has big, big impact.
- 15:54It and it's not about, as I said, it's not about going.
- 15:58I've got to got to make make space for these snowflakes or whatever.
- 16:03Some people might like to call them.
- 16:04It is about going, how do I increase overall creativity and productivity in the team?
- 16:10Because the different ways of thinking come up with really different and much more sustainable
- 16:15answers.
- 16:16And so sometimes it's as simple as going Right.
- 16:20I'm po posing the question, but holding back some of the the ones that respond much more
- 16:27quickly.
- 16:28And there's various ways of doing that.
- 16:30And anybody that's a trainer will recognize the following one.
- 16:34Okay?
- 16:35Don't answer the following question.
- 16:36Please don't say anything.
- 16:38Write your answer down.
- 16:39Yes.
- 16:39And, of course, as trainers, they will do it on post it notes.
- 16:42Everyone's stick up on the wall.
- 16:43They're really, mate.
- 16:44It's and yet most of us are aware of that.
- 16:47And yet It's when you understand the science and what's going on behind it in terms of
- 16:51introversion and stinking space.
- 16:53You suddenly go, ah, everyone's a bit more engaged because they took the time to write
- 16:58something down.
- 16:59And because I as an introvert have taken the time to express that.
- 17:04Even if only in writing, I thought it through, and everyone hasn't started firing off.
- 17:09So I'm a bit more engaged already.
- 17:11So once I'm more engaged, I'm more likely to continue being engaged.
- 17:16So leaders need to be aware of what's in front of them and look at their styles in reference
- 17:21to engagement and really altered and think about, you know, if it's, if it's always these
- 17:26two people, that are answering or, you know, sometimes, like I say, there's often 1 or 2
- 17:32people that like to hear their voice in a meeting.
- 17:35Yeah.
- 17:35So you kind of you know, okay, think, okay, I I don't have to worry about those 2.
- 17:38They're gonna tell me what they think regardless if I ask them or not.
- 17:42And there's people kinda that are in the middle, and there's oftentimes the people that
- 17:45are quiet.
- 17:47So gauging that internally with yourself as a leader to say, I know there's value, in this
- 17:53room.
- 17:54Period?
- 17:55And how is it that I'm gonna make it safe enough psychologically, emotionally?
- 18:00And like you said, create different avenues to be able to afford those individuals to be able
- 18:06to share information.
- 18:08Cause I think if you're thinking you're not looking under your entire room, and I would say
- 18:13most leaders have capacity to do this.
- 18:16However, sometimes they might, you know, fall into those traps where where it's easy to kinda
- 18:21go with the people that speak up.
- 18:23Yeah.
- 18:23Absolutely.
- 18:24It's it's a it's a habitual thing, isn't it?
- 18:27You especially if you're asking a a question which you're and you're you're still trying to,
- 18:32a, listen to the content of the discussion as well as join in as well as manage the process
- 18:38of the discussion.
- 18:39It's very used to fall into that trap of letting the conversation flow because it's
- 18:43easier.
- 18:45It might be easier, but it's not easier to get to a better result.
- 18:48It's just easier to get a conversation flowing.
- 18:51So one of the other things you can quite often do is don't facilitate your own meetings.
- 18:58Stop and get somebody else.
- 18:59That way you as a leader can focus on the content and you get somebody else to run the
- 19:04meetings, and here's the interesting thing.
- 19:07Guess what?
- 19:08Who do you think in the room tends to be very good at listening to all the views,
- 19:12summarizing, synthesizing, and then holding questions and and holding the pace of the meet
- 19:19of the meeting to to include everybody.
- 19:21Introists tend to make very, very good facilitate as well.
- 19:25I'm not saying only using driver facilitators, but they tend to be good once they go, oh,
- 19:30yeah.
- 19:31I'm that that that the person running this group really wants me and values me.
- 19:36They're getting me to do this.
- 19:37And suddenly, again, you've got this this growth in, engagement very generally, which
- 19:44starts to lead on to some of the things around productivity And, of course, retention, the
- 19:48other big one, I was asked yesterday, had a client ring me up and's absolutely shocked
- 19:54absolutely shocked because she said to me, the best person in her business had suddenly handed
- 20:00in her notice with no No.
- 20:03Yeah.
- 20:03She's completely completely bald sided by it, and we talked about it.
- 20:10And, we talked about the fact that what this person clearly hadn't done is expressed how
- 20:15dissatisfied they were going, what they had done, but just in micro ways over the last 3 or
- 20:214 months, that they hadn't been listened to.
- 20:24And needless to say, you know, because it because it's my story, it's going to be, isn't
- 20:29it?
- 20:29But Needless to say it was an introverted member of staff that had suddenly handed in
- 20:33their notice.
- 20:35And I'm not saying it's only introverts that ever leave, but it was quite interesting that
- 20:40they had expressed, and they made little micro statements over the 3 or 4 months rather than
- 20:45kind of splurging out and going, I'm fed up with this and doing the drama queen thing.
- 20:51Right.
- 20:51Because I would say expressive people let you know when they're not happy.
- 20:54Oh, yeah.
- 20:55Right?
- 20:56And, you know, you know, I I think of my son and he, you know, he says to me, mom, I'm not
- 21:01like you.
- 21:03He goes, I'm an introvert.
- 21:04I said, I think I said, I think I was an introverted area.
- 21:08She goes, I don't think so, mom, because she needs to type when we have conversations,
- 21:12because I will often say, So tell me what you think.
- 21:15And he'll look at me with this blank stare, and I, and he'll go, I'm thinking, I'm thinking,
- 21:19mom.
- 21:20And I'm like, So it's interesting, right?
- 21:22Like, that introverts will have a lot of things going on for them, but to your point, they
- 21:28still they need to kind of go backwards in their brain to think, okay.
- 21:33If I'm gonna say one thing, I'm gonna make it stick.
- 21:36And, you know, RJ and my son is a is he's great for me.
- 21:39That way because I always go, so, like, what's happening?
- 21:42I've said this, this, this, and he's like, I need to get back to you, and I'm like, what?
- 21:47Because the introvert the extrovert in me wants to answer right now.
- 21:50And then he'll say, well, no, I thought about it, and I thought this, this, and this, but I
- 21:54didn't like this, and I thought about this, and I'm like, wow, you got all of that out of that
- 21:59little conversation, but there's a part of me that wants it immediately.
- 22:03So I think That example you use, John, is amazing because that should show companies that
- 22:11how are you, how are you looking into, feedback?
- 22:17Like, or how are you gauging the pulse of your of your teams or the different subsets of your
- 22:23business, is it based on what the manager is saying or, you know, Or is it really is there
- 22:30other ways that you're collating how well people are feeling?
- 22:37The other interesting thing in your your your discussion with your son, and what you clearly
- 22:42did, you made space for him to answer, which is Brilliant.
- 22:47What a lot of people don't do, even in one to one conversations, particularly extroverts, so
- 22:53far out the question, And then just as you said, hang on.
- 22:57I wanna get on.
- 22:58I want I wanna know the answer.
- 23:00One didn't come back.
- 23:01So what do they now do?
- 23:02They go on and start to answer it.
- 23:05Themselves.
- 23:05And they move on and jump on, whereas the interested person is still sitting there going,
- 23:10oh, Of course, what you're actually training somebody to do by by continually speaking once
- 23:17you've asked the question.
- 23:19You're training them that you're not interested in their answer.
- 23:23So you're shutting down growth, right, because I would think I know when I coach, you know, in
- 23:28more introverted people versus extroverted people, I can say to them a The extrovert I
- 23:32could say so, like, what was the best part of this?
- 23:34Was it what was the worst part of it?
- 23:35And what is it that you need to focus on?
- 23:38But the introvert will say to me, I will ask the question on the beginning of this on, the
- 23:43follow-up session to say, I know we we talked about a ton last week.
- 23:48And I'm just wondering, what was your biggest giveaway?
- 23:51Your takeaway and where would you like to focus this week?
- 23:53So It's not that you're not asking the same question, but you're you're maybe, prefacing it
- 24:00based on the context of the personality that's in front of you.
- 24:03Yeah.
- 24:03Or or the other thing to do that I've known several people to do is they ask the same if
- 24:09they don't get an answer within the first few seconds, they'll ask again in a very slightly
- 24:14different way so that what you're doing, you're trying to effectively, you're undoing all the
- 24:20the bad training you've given before.
- 24:23Because in not letting somebody answer, your training then you're not interested.
- 24:28So you've got undo that that training first.
- 24:31So ask again in a slightly different way or set it up in the way that you just said by I'm
- 24:37helping them to to restructure that question, but wait for that answer.
- 24:40So I'm curious when companies, when you deal with, I mean, obviously, this is a team shoes.
- 24:45It's not a, like you said, it's not an introvert, extrovert kind of.
- 24:48You're looking at subset.
- 24:49You get called in.
- 24:51Maybe there's productivity or issues or maybe people are trying to kind of, look at their,
- 24:56kind of, the metrics for the quarter or overall strat plan, like you said, that you worked
- 25:00with.
- 25:01So how do you work with an organization that says, calls you in and says, you know, I I know
- 25:06we're we're doing well.
- 25:07Let's say.
- 25:08Right?
- 25:08We're doing well, but we there's room And I want to to figure out what kind of, gaps are
- 25:16there or what kind of things are missing to optimize the productivity, say, of my senior
- 25:21leadership team.
- 25:22What would you approach that, John, when you work with?
- 25:25One one of the first things would be to stop and listen sit sit through sit through a couple
- 25:30of meetings with that senior leadership team.
- 25:34Quite often, actually, and you'll get this one as well, you'll be told, oh, 2 members of the
- 25:39senior leadership team that are struggling a lot more than the others.
- 25:43And so rather than sitting and listening to the whole senior leadership, team.
- 25:47It might be about sitting in with the the team meetings of of those couple of the senior
- 25:52leadership team so that you can start to go, well, what's going on?
- 25:57Because then you're in a position where you can start to play that back and you can start to
- 26:01ask questions to help people unlock what's going on of the kind of things we've just been
- 26:07talking about today.
- 26:08So rather than me sitting there saying, you or never let them answer the question, you know,
- 26:13that's not gonna work.
- 26:14But it is about listening and then asking questions to help people reflect as as all
- 26:19coaches do as as I'm sure you do all the time.
- 26:21Absolutely.
- 26:22And I think to your point, and sometimes people when they know they're being looked at in a
- 26:27meeting, sometimes they're gonna give you what they think you need
- 26:31Yeah.
- 26:31And then to have different ways of collecting that information, but asking kind of as as
- 26:36standardized as possible question I would think to see, you know, what what kind of themes or
- 26:41patterns are coming out.
- 26:43So let's say you're, CEO or senior leader and you're, you're looking, you're saying, oh, I
- 26:50I'm kind of guilty of this culprit that we've been talking about.
- 26:54I kinda go to the person that's front front of the line, the loudest person, and I need to
- 27:00enhance my skills as a leader.
- 27:03You've already given us some point.
- 27:04And what other tips could you give those leaders to enhance their capacity to listen in
- 27:12a different way.
- 27:13I think one of the other ones is to to ask yourself the question about what the value of
- 27:19of doing this is because we're all as leaders, we're used to going and, you know, talking
- 27:23about business cases, etcetera.
- 27:25So what's the business case in in helping those Waiting for those 2 people to answer their
- 27:31questions.
- 27:31What's going on?
- 27:32Because if you start to reflect on the value that they bring in different ways.
- 27:37They might not bring it immediately out in team meetings, but what's the value they bring to
- 27:41the organization?
- 27:43Because if there is some good value in there, then it it's much clearer how you can get extra
- 27:48value by enhancing it.
- 27:51So looking at it from a value proposition, to because, like, I mean, if you think I you have
- 27:57a team of 15, and 40% of that and then thinking individually.
- 28:02So you're already talking, and I often talk about leaders really, even though I know
- 28:06everybody's busy, you have to get to know who's in front of you.
- 28:10Yep.
- 28:10And what do they bring to the table?
- 28:12Because sometimes it's kinda like a, you know, a hope and pray that I'm I'm gonna come up with
- 28:17a strategy, and it's gonna hit everybody.
- 28:19But if you don't know individually, what the value is, you know, who is John or who is
- 28:24Roxanne and what's important Not that I'm saying you need to, oftentimes, leaders will
- 28:29say, you know, I can't get really, really personal.
- 28:32I'm not suggesting, you know, everything over the person's life but what makes them like you
- 28:36said, what is their value?
- 28:37And, also, what what are what do they value?
- 28:41Yeah.
- 28:41I'll ask ask that question.
- 28:43Yeah.
- 28:43What is, what is the outcome that they're looking for in their lives as being part of
- 28:48whatever, team that they're working on and things like that?
- 28:51So that way it could be more of a, a toy dialogue so that when you're running your
- 28:55meetings as well, I would think that you're you're wanting to think that through.
- 28:59Yeah.
- 29:00Or the things that leaders might want to do cut off immediately that might stumble, their
- 29:07process.
- 29:08Think the first things I always sit there and say zip it.
- 29:12Ask a question.
- 29:14Shut your mouth.
- 29:15And that that's I know it's a really simple one.
- 29:17I know it's a really obvious one, but it is time and time again.
- 29:20The thing that I see happening is, because as I said earlier, we by answering for somebody, we
- 29:28train them.
- 29:28We're not interested in them.
- 29:29And then, you know, then we go on and talk about retention rates and, the great
- 29:33resignation And of course, one of the things that drives that is when people don't feel as
- 29:38if you're interested in them.
- 29:40So so do, you know, consciously Pacific, when you ask questions, give give Yonkers a space of
- 29:48time for somebody to answer.
- 29:50Pro begin in a slightly different way if you need to.
- 29:53But we'll start to do that.
- 29:56And and that that's that's just a one to one.
- 29:58And the the equivalent, of course, in the team meeting, is is asking and phrasing the whole
- 30:03thing differently.
- 30:04Another really, really silly one, because, right, we all know because we've been told
- 30:10since we were this high, that when you're running a meeting, you must always send out the
- 30:14agenda.
- 30:15Early.
- 30:17How many of us do it?
- 30:20Oh, I couldn't do it.
- 30:21I was I was too busy.
- 30:22Very guilty often.
- 30:25We're we're starting the meeting now.
- 30:26Here's the agenda.
- 30:27Sorry.
- 30:27I was really busy.
- 30:29Actually, it takes no more no more time to prepare the agenda 10 minutes before you go
- 30:34into the meeting than it does a week before the meeting.
- 30:36But what it's allowing the internal processes in the room to do is to stop and think about
- 30:42how they're going to add value to that meeting.
- 30:45So these external process will just happily wing it and fire away stuff anyway.
- 30:50The internal ones can sit and go, right.
- 30:51Okay.
- 30:52Here's something I want to structure my thoughts on in advance.
- 30:55Here's how I will answer that question.
- 30:57Again, you're you're getting more engagement into that.
- 31:01So some of these things, are they rocket science?
- 31:04No.
- 31:04I'd love to sit there and say there was some amazing answer to Roxanne.
- 31:07The only I know of in the whole world And that's what made me.
- 31:11The truth is it is about stopping and taking the time to understand why some of these things
- 31:17that we probably do know about, but we don't do.
- 31:20And it's either because we don't appreciate the value of the thing or the value of the person.
- 31:26You know, and I'm just listening to you, and I'm thinking, how many times I've been guilty
- 31:29of that, you know, over the years and when and my, you know, because you're you're right.
- 31:34You're like, oh, I forgot to send this out.
- 31:36I should've, you know, and something as basic as that, and how that would help you me as the
- 31:41leader as well.
- 31:43It already did help when I would because everybody knew what to expect and you This is a
- 31:4730 minute meeting.
- 31:49This is the outcome.
- 31:50This is the discussion that what that's on the table.
- 31:53You know, we have 5 minutes to discuss any go forward things, all those things that structure
- 31:59of the meeting too is also there.
- 32:01Creates again, not context of when I go to safety, right?
- 32:04Like, I know what this is about.
- 32:05I know it's not gonna take a little afternoon.
- 32:07I know it's not gonna be willy nilly.
- 32:09Everybody's throwing everything out, but there's a structure to it.
- 32:12And then, you know, for individuals that need to synthesize or even more, it helps them to
- 32:18get a book market size.
- 32:20Now, John, I'm sure people listening would want to know, where they can get ahold of you and,
- 32:27if they wanted to chat with you and maybe even do a discovery called Where would, where would
- 32:31they get a hold?
- 32:32Oh, either on LinkedIn, which is really easy, that's John Baker, which is j o n, or on my
- 32:37website, which is introvert in business, dotco.uk.
- 32:42Awesome.
- 32:43Nice.
- 32:43And thanks thanks so much for being here.
- 32:46And what am I learning?
- 32:47I think, you know, I think I'm I'm pretty good at understanding, but sometimes I get a miss.
- 32:55And if I'm a a miss in a conversation to backup, for me to say ask for time to step
- 33:01back.
- 33:02And because I think oftentimes, you know, people may not think because they're, you know,
- 33:07you're kinda going down the, you know, the trajectory.
- 33:10You're thinking there's no way for me to back up, but I don't wanna look stupid.
- 33:13So I don't know what to do.
- 33:14To even just say, you know what?
- 33:16I'm a little bit ahead of myself here.
- 33:17I've not thought this through.
- 33:20I'd like I would I'd like to slow down.
- 33:21Can you help me out with that even.
- 33:23So I think engaging is something that I think I from our conversation today, I think it would
- 33:29help me, also in, I had my various roles that I play.
- 33:33So, again, John, thanks so much.
- 33:35Anyway, though, Roxanne, I really like that question because in it, you just sat there and
- 33:39said, I'm getting a bit of my hand as myself.
- 33:42I'd like to slow down.
- 33:43Can you help me?
- 33:44And how do we when somebody says, can you help me?
- 33:46We all say, yes.
- 33:48Love to.
- 33:49Brilliant.
- 33:50Thank you.
- 33:51So for everyone listening, I'm about to release my new book, ROR return on relationships, how
- 33:58to amplify resilient teams, I'm gonna be talking about it a lot, reaching out, to me, if
- 34:05you'd like to know a bit more, you can just, hit the link at the bottom and book a discovery
- 34:10call with me.
- 34:11So again, John, John, thanks for your time.
- 34:13And everyone, thanks for hanging in there with John and I, and I look forward to connecting
- 34:17with monthly.
- 34:18Take care.
- 34:20Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive
- 34:25healthy chain.
- 34:27Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit Roxanne
- 34:34Durgesh dotcom/blueprint.
- 34:37We'll see you next time on authentic living with Roxanne.