Latest / Candid Coach Conversations / How Clarity and Agency Transform Your Life
Transcript
- 0:00Hello there and welcome
- 0:00Yeah.
- 0:01to Candid Coach Conversations.
- 0:02I'm Kimberly Boyd, founder of Live Life Fully,
- 0:05and today I have with me my dear friend and Certified Live Life Fully Coach Amanda
- 0:09Kaufman. Hey Amanda.
- 0:11Hi, Kimberly.
- 0:13I'm so glad you're here with us today.
- 0:14is it raining where you are?
- 0:16It was this morning. We're kind of having
- 0:18like Texan rain, you know? Like it's like Armageddon kind of rain
- 0:23and then perfectly sunny a few hours later.
- 0:25It's awful.
- 0:26my gosh. Okay, so talking about that,
- 0:28~ Armageddon Rain. So you know we had all those amazing
- 0:32Mm-hmm.
- 0:33twenty-something year olds. I mean like literally,
- 0:35they were so awesome. We had not met everybody before and so
- 0:39It was an awesome group of human beings at our house from Thursday,
- 0:44and then the last two left today.
- 0:47Anyway, you want to talk about every bed full.
- 0:49I bought some cots that had mattresses on them.
- 0:52We we were to the brim. so much fun.
- 0:55Anyway, it was celebrating Meredith's birthday,
- 0:57as you know. Anyway, so much fun.
- 0:59Well, our boat
- 1:00was not working and we found that out fourth of July weekend.
- 1:04It would turn on and start, put it in the water and it would just turn off.
- 1:08So well
- 1:09It started, but when you put it in gear,
- 1:11that's the word, not the water.
- 1:12But put it in gear, the boat stopped.
- 1:15So the
- 1:15Mm.
- 1:15boat people, our friend people who sell boats,
- 1:18they came out, sent some guys out here and they were like,
- 1:20Well, we're gonna have to pull it out of the water.
- 1:21So they towed it wherever they towed it and took it into the shop
- 1:24and then they called us and we knew we were having a boat jet ski day
- 1:29all day on Saturday. So
- 1:30Long story short, our boat was not going to be ready in time.
- 1:34It's something with the computer chip thing,
- 1:37I don't know, above my head.
- 1:38So anyway, this man was like, I know this is important to you and
- 1:42I think your daughter's amazing.
- 1:44I'm gonna let you borrow my boat.
- 1:45Okay, what? Anyway, let us borrow his boat.
- 1:48So here we are, Saturday. So I cooked every meal,
- 1:52breakfast, lunch, and dinner, very intentional with my time.
- 1:55Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, Thursday,
- 1:56Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And today I'm like,
- 1:58y'all are on your own.
- 1:59The day with the least amount of people.
- 2:01I'm like, I'm not cooking.
- 2:03But so we are, I am served breakfast Saturday,
- 2:06and while all those kiddos I say kids,
- 2:09young adults were eating, I start making all these sandwiches.
- 2:1242 made-to-order sandwiches. Anyway,
- 2:15so I'm making the sandwiches. Andrew walks up behind me and he goes,
- 2:18Honey, we have got to get on the water.
- 2:21And I'm like, I know, I know. It's 1045 in the morning.
- 2:23I'm like, I know, I know. And he goes,
- 2:24No, no, no. There's a storm brewing.
- 2:26Like, what?
- 2:27He goes, yeah, if we're going out on the water,
- 2:30we gotta get out there and get back.
- 2:31And I'm like, all right. Now it was sunny at our house.
- 2:34We are all loaded up on that boat,
- 2:36all 42 sandwiches, 900 bags of chips,
- 2:39all the coolers are full. Load up on the jet skis,
- 2:42three on each one.
- 2:43Boat, every seat is packed, and we are outta here.
- 2:46We are headed to Pine Island. Amanda,
- 2:48you want to talk about Armageddon Rain?
- 2:50The radar was off by a couple of hours.
- 2:53Skies turn dark and
- 2:55Yeah, big storm. Now all the kids are in the water.
- 2:58They're playing frisbee. They're throwing the ball.
- 3:00They met up with some other people that were out there.
- 3:03They're playing volleyball. And I'm telling you,
- 3:05that rain was coming down so hard.
- 3:06I thought it was hailing. It was hitting us so it was coming sideways.
- 3:10So everybody's up underneath the boat,
- 3:13underneath the tunes.
- 3:14trying to stay dry and to not get injured by the raindrops.
- 3:17Anyway, super fun. And I have no idea what got me there.
- 3:21'cause you said Armageddon Rain.
- 3:23Yeah.
- 3:24Which also takes me to what I wanted to talk to you about today.
- 3:27~ so the storm passes a couple hour and a half later being pummeled by rain.
- 3:33And we've never stayed out in a storm before.
- 3:36And I'm like, we have got all these people out here that we're responsible for.
- 3:39my gosh, they're gonna have bruises from these raindrops hitting so hard.
- 3:43Anyway, everybody survived. It was super fun,
- 3:45even though it was raining. And then suddenly the sun just pops out.
- 3:50And it was sunny the rest of the
- 3:51Like it had not rained a drop.
- 3:53All that to say is it takes me to what I wanted to talk to you about today,
- 3:57which is intentionality. And I kind of sprinkled that word in earlier because
- 4:02I was so super intentional about my time all last week,
- 4:06even about how much like intentional about the time I was going to dedicate
- 4:10to place the grocery order for all that food.
- 4:13But
- 4:13I wanna talk not but and I wanna talk to you about intentionality.
- 4:18and I wanna know, Amanda, what does that word mean to you?
- 4:23intentionality well you know life a good life i think is lived somewhere
- 4:29in between responding and reacting to the situation and having some kind
- 4:34of an intentionality you know
- 4:35Right.
- 4:35so when i was a lot younger i was very much the spot very spontaneous very reactive
- 4:41very responding to like what life was handing me and i
- 4:45thought that life was kind of happening out there and then the quality
- 4:52of your life was based on the circumstances you found yourself in.
- 4:55And to me, intentionality is this is this activation of,
- 4:59well, what's your agency and all of that?
- 5:01Cause it's so true that like the crazy storm,
- 5:04there like
- 5:04Yeah.
- 5:05there's nothing you can do about that,
- 5:07really, except for your intentions around your thinking.
- 5:11Your intentions around like, hey,
- 5:13we gotta keep these not kids, young adults,
- 5:15but okay, I hear you kind of kids safe.
- 5:17You're like, we got we're responsible for so many people.
- 5:20And you know, when I think about what makes people pretty miserable in life
- 5:24is when they have a really strong intention for how things are supposed to go.
- 5:29And God, universe, whatever is like,
- 5:31hey, what's up? You know, and it gives you something else.
- 5:34And that inflexibility to deal with the
- 5:38the suck or sometimes even good stuff.
- 5:40Like the there's a lot of people that they'll get a surprise,
- 5:43like a birthday party surprise,
- 5:44and they're like, I hate surprises.
- 5:46And I'm like, okay, that's one way you can live your life.
- 5:49but I think intention is really it's really connected to engagement,
- 5:53like really engaging with your life.
- 5:55And when we talk about living life more fully,
- 5:58like to me, intention is a massive part of it.
- 6:01Yeah. And it's not about getting what you want all the time.
- 6:03I think that's where people get a little little squirrely on that one.
- 6:06Yeah.
- 6:07And I love that
- 6:08what popped up for me, Amanda,
- 6:09is whatever it is in the situation,
- 6:12the storm, the life, whatever happens,
- 6:14is like really identifying, okay,
- 6:16so this is the situation, and now what?
- 6:19Rather than the doom and gloom,
- 6:21party's over, I'm gonna be
- 6:23Yeah.
- 6:23mad.
- 6:24Exactly. How dare it rain? We live in Texas,
- 6:26y'all. If when it rains, it rains big 'cause that's that's where we live.
- 6:31Yes, indeed. Well, so two years ago on Meredith's birthday,
- 6:35golly, we had a big day planned and that hurricane barrel or however
- 6:39you say the name came through and
- 6:41Took out a bunch of stuff on our property and a tree,
- 6:44a big branch, fell in my husband's arm.
- 6:46He was gonna move the tree. This in case there was an emergency,
- 6:50he was gonna go move a tree up off the driveway so we'd be able to get out.
- 6:53So he's on the tractor. And as he's moving these big trees out of the way,
- 6:57another one, big, huge branch falls and
- 7:00gets his arm and I'm like, Well I'm glad you were trying to make a
- 7:02way out 'cause now you've made the way in for the ambulance that has
- 7:06to come get you. So that was two years ago.
- 7:09So this year when it that first raindrop and the big claps of thunder,
- 7:13Meredith goes
- 7:14Is it gonna rain every year on my birthday?
- 7:16And I'm like, okay, that might be a little dramatic.
- 7:18And she's like, you know what?
- 7:19It is what it is. Let's get in the water,
- 7:21y'all. So they all start jumping off.
- 7:23But yes, she had that quick mindset shift,
- 7:25being intentional. This is the situation.
- 7:28I'm gonna make the best of it.
- 7:29And jumped right on in.
- 7:32Yeah.
- 7:32I'm sorry to hear about the the arm.
- 7:34That's awful. but and I think it's also a really good demonstration of intention,
- 7:39right? Like like really pause.
- 7:41What is that saying? Like good intentions pave the way somewhere awful.
- 7:45Yeah.
- 7:45~
- 7:49and and I think like intention's not probably enough because you you know,
- 7:52obviously
- 7:52you've got to respond to the situation and the and the cards that you're dealt.
- 7:56and you're so right, like how how Meredith changed her mind.
- 7:59so often like people treat bad news or just even
- 8:05not my preference news honestly ~ as being this
- 8:09very long-lasting, never-changing situation.
- 8:14~ and I hear I hear this a lot with people when they're like,
- 8:18this always happens to me.
- 8:19This always happens to me. Or I never get this.
- 8:22And a lot of like this black and white thinking.
- 8:26And intention can be such a really powerful tool.
- 8:29for creating a live where you ~ a life where you live more fully
- 8:33so like I'm thinking about I'm thinking about like career for example you know
- 8:38Huh.
- 8:38I I started my career with pretty basic intentions of like hey you know
- 8:43I wanna I wanna make more money than maybe more people that I know and
- 8:47you know I'd like to do something that's that's gonna challenge and stimulate
- 8:50me and I want it to feel worth it you know very
- 8:54broad intention. And then I I got going down the path.
- 8:57And as I went down the path, I started to get more clarity about what
- 9:01was I actually good at versus what I thought I was good at.
- 9:04What was really interesting
- 9:04Yes.
- 9:06versus kind of interesting. And and as I go,
- 9:09as I go, as I go, I'm getting more and more of this clarity.
- 9:12And ~ it caused me to revise my intentions and to realize and recognize that it's
- 9:18like, well
- 9:19We're not just in a job to make money forever.
- 9:22I mean, that's obviously a pretty important responsibility we all have.
- 9:25And there's so many ways to add value in the world,
- 9:30and there's so many ways to to do that.
- 9:32So when I got clearer about like,
- 9:35hey, the intention behind my career,
- 9:37for example, isn't just a paycheck.
- 9:39It's this sense of impact and this desire you know
- 9:44Here's what I realized is work represents at least two-thirds of your waking hours,
- 9:49at least. And so
- 9:51Right.
- 9:52many people just tolerate a job because they think,
- 9:55well, is again that reactionary respondent thing.
- 9:58It's like, well, this is all that's available around here.
- 10:01Well, for someone like me, I get something like this.
- 10:04And there's just like all this narrative about it.
- 10:06And it's true that's probably gonna require effort and change in order
- 10:10to shift that circumstance. And not everything you try is gonna work out.
- 10:15And without that intention, then you're just kind of doomed.
- 10:18And so for me, even though I was in a really good job,
- 10:22a good career for a long time,
- 10:23it became less good because it was falling out of an alignment with what
- 10:27I was really valuing at that juncture of my life.
- 10:30And what I realized was
- 10:31Yeah.
- 10:32the reason I wasn't making a change is because I had a major gap in my skills.
- 10:36I didn't know how to sell. I didn't know how to market.
- 10:39I didn't know how to write a business.
- 10:40I had this vision. Okay. I had this idea when I was starting my business
- 10:45of forming an LLC and getting the paperwork in order with such like something
- 10:49out of the second half of Law and Order.
- 10:52Yeah.
- 10:53you know, and there's gonna be a big judge in a trial and it's gonna you know,
- 10:56I'm gonna have to have a fancy lawyer and all this kind
- 10:58of stuff. And you're
- 10:59Yeah.
- 11:00laughing at me, rightly so, because I didn't know.
- 11:03I had no idea. So my brain just like references the series that
- 11:07Yeah, but
- 11:08I watched growing up.
- 11:09Yeah, you know, Kung Kung.
- 11:11Yes. I heard
- 11:12it.
- 11:12So I so I share all of that, you know,
- 11:14that we don't know. Like when we're when we're when we're going after a new goal,
- 11:19the intention is kind of like that compass that points us in a direction.
- 11:24And so eventually I realized there were like perfectly good websites online that
- 11:28would help you with this process.
- 11:29I remember my first business, I formed it while I was breastfeeding my baby,
- 11:34who's like nine now.
- 11:35~ and I got it done in forty-five minutes.
- 11:38And if you if you know much about motherhood at that stage,
- 11:41that is very sleep deprived. I was able to get it done.
- 11:43All right.
- 11:46No lawyers, no judges, just favorite.
- 11:48No.
- 11:50be my new thing.
- 11:51Yeah. So yeah. I I could go I could wax poetic about intentionality.
- 11:56I I think at the end of the day it's it's almost like that decision
- 11:59you make in advance about
- 12:00What?
- 12:00about what you'd like to how you'd like something to turn out or how you'd like
- 12:04to show up to a situation.
- 12:06Yes. I I agree with you. ~
- 12:07Yeah.
- 12:09my gosh, wholeheartedly. And I don't know I don't know that people think
- 12:13of it like that. Like we're certainly not taught as children to think about
- 12:17the outcome or the desired outcome and how we want things to go before
- 12:21we actually start. I don't I don't think we're taught that way.
- 12:24If you think
- 12:25about this, and I've thought about this,
- 12:27we're trained from a very young age to value other people's opinions more than
- 12:32Yes. Yes. Yes.
- 12:32our own. And I call them OPOs.
- 12:35OPOs.
- 12:37And and like other people's opinions are actually important.
- 12:40Like there's a reason that we are raised that way.
- 12:44And what I would suggest is that.
- 12:47It's important, but it's also not the only thing.
- 12:49And if you if you if you live your life according to everybody else's opinion
- 12:53of what your life is supposed to look like,
- 12:55that to me is the path to to feeling very misaligned,
- 12:58very dissatisfied, very, you know,
- 13:01you can actually have this is mind blowing,
- 13:03but you can have a huge amount of success
- 13:05Yeah.
- 13:06on paper and not feel fulfilled and not have any like meaning in what you're doing.
- 13:11Right.
- 13:13And like I said, it's two-thirds with the career thing,
- 13:16it's like two-thirds of your live of your life force.
- 13:18And some people,
- 13:19Yeah.
- 13:19it's like that that's a okay, like they're okay with going through
- 13:23the motions on that part of it and living life to the fullest in the other third.
- 13:26And that's that's a strategy and you can totally do that.
- 13:29And I think what really matters is that you have intention behind that
- 13:33and that you're not feeling this sensation of of almost like a victimhood.
- 13:38Of well, this is you know, I was living up to other people's expectations,
- 13:41I was living up to society's expectations,
- 13:43I was living up you know, I never had time to think about what I actually want.
- 13:47I'm like, Well, no one's gonna hand you that time.
- 13:50That takes intention, just
- 13:50Right.
- 13:51It does, absolutely.
- 13:54Yeah.
- 13:55So in thinking about intention and thinking about starting a business,
- 13:59because you did. You while breastfeeding completed the forms for your LLC.
- 14:04Which by
- 14:05the way does not make me Wonder Woman,
- 14:07a wonderful woman, but not Wonder Woman,
- 14:09you know? Like I that that should tell you how not hard it is,
- 14:12not how crazy I am.
- 14:13Yeah. So if somebody did want to set ~ start a business,
- 14:17a side hustle even, maybe it's not maybe they're not gonna replace their entire
- 14:21career, they want a side hustle,
- 14:23how can they get more intentional?
- 14:25Like what are some things you would suggest?
- 14:28my gosh. Okay, so the first thing I would say is break up with this idea that
- 14:34it all has to be hard at all times.
- 14:36Just break up. Like
- 14:36Amen.
- 14:39just don't call, don't text each other,
- 14:41just break up with it, you know?
- 14:43you know what I did exactly.
- 14:44Yeah. Hello. I am breaking up with you today.
- 14:49Here's here's the real truth. Did you know that everyone whoever makes money ever
- 14:54is in business?
- 14:55It's just some of us decided to sell 100% of our available hours to one buyer.
- 15:00Right.
- 15:01So that's what it means to be employed,
- 15:02right? So as if if look like if I was if I was ~ working in any job,
- 15:07I'm essentially saying I will sell you my waking hours and focus.
- 15:12And in exchange, I will abide by your employee handbook.
- 15:15I'll follow your policies, I'll follow your processes,
- 15:18I'll do what you ask in exchange for.
- 15:21The pay and the benefits. That's business,
- 15:24baby, right? That's business. So,
- 15:26but I know
- 15:26Yeah.
- 15:27that's probably not what people mean,
- 15:28but the reason why I think that's a really important distinction is because
- 15:32if you realize that you you're already in business,
- 15:34you're already doing
- 15:35Yeah.
- 15:35it, it takes so much of the sting out of the complexity.
- 15:40Because you know, if there's one thing that entrepreneurs like to talk about
- 15:42is how hard it is, it's like our favorite.
- 15:45We love talking about how hard it is.
- 15:47and
- 15:47There's parts of it that are hard,
- 15:48but aren't there things about your job that are hard?
- 15:50Aren't there things about your family that are hard?
- 15:53Like, hard's not really to me,
- 15:55like it's so relative, and it's really not a defining characteristic
- 16:00of whether you do the thing or don't do the thing.
- 16:02Right.
- 16:02if you want to start a business,
- 16:03it really is actually this simple.
- 16:05Talk to people who want a thing.
- 16:07And
- 16:07I think something like 68% of businesses in the United States,
- 16:10small businesses, are services.
- 16:12So the thing is probably going to be selling your time to do something based
- 16:16on your expertise. It could be a product-sized thing,
- 16:19or maybe it's a blend of those things.
- 16:21But the way I think of it is what is a problem that someone else
- 16:24has that you're happy to solve?
- 16:25And
- 16:26Yes.
- 16:27for pay, right? Like you're happy to be paid to solve that thing.
- 16:31And that's that's a in terms of actually.
- 16:33Transacting and
- 16:34being compliant
- 16:35Yeah.
- 16:35and all that kind of stuff. Yes,
- 16:37you form an entity, typically like an LLC.
- 16:41depending on the business that you're going into and all that,
- 16:43those details could shift and change.
- 16:45But by and large, it's it's a very simple sole proprietorship registering with
- 16:50the state that you live in, registering with the federal government to
- 16:53get an EIN number. And what that lets you do is it lets you open a bank account.
- 16:57Once you have a business bank account,
- 16:59You need a way to collect money.
- 17:01So very typically you're gonna sign up with something like a stripe,
- 17:04a PayPal, a square. And what that allows you to do is it allows you to
- 17:09it makes it easier to buy from you,
- 17:11essentially at the end of the day,
- 17:12is because you can say is that Visa or MasterCard,
- 17:14right? And once you got that going,
- 17:17really the rest of the business,
- 17:19like for the rest of the business's
- 17:19Just
- 17:20life, it's asking people, Do you want this?
- 17:22And then for the
- 17:23Yes.
- 17:24people who say yes, you
- 17:25Sell it to him.
- 17:26And I'd love that you talked
- 17:26That's it.
- 17:27about jobs also because well so many things popped up for me.
- 17:31I'd love that you talked about jobs.
- 17:33Like you're already agreeing to sell your time because I do talk with people when
- 17:38I'm coaching people, for example,
- 17:40a teacher.
- 17:41When I'm working with a teacher and she's talking about the rules
- 17:44and the regulations, she or he about the s rules and regulations of the state
- 17:48and of the district and the all the things that come with that,
- 17:51I'm like, okay, so like you're the CEO of your classroom.
- 17:54Like even though you have these people above you or the state
- 17:59Or whatever above you, you still are the CEO of your classroom.
- 18:04That's one thing that helped me every day.
- 18:06Like I remind myself, I'm the CEO of my life.
- 18:09And I can get really intentional about the time that I spend on my Live Life Fully
- 18:14company, on my counseling center,
- 18:17on the time with my friends. Like I'm the CEO of my life,
- 18:20no matter what I'm doing.
- 18:22A fact that's one of the
- 18:23reasons I adore you, right? Is is because you do get that.
- 18:28And and I think you
- 18:28Yeah.
- 18:29know what we're really talking about is this idea of agency.
- 18:32And you know, when you have agency,
- 18:32Yes.
- 18:35it basically means that you know that you can make a decision here.
- 18:39And when people are the most miserable,
- 18:41at least, at least as I've I've noticed in our in our society here
- 18:46in the United States and and maybe in in in Canada,
- 18:49can't speak to cultures beyond,
- 18:50but
- 18:50In our culture, for sure, the most miserable people are the ones who
- 18:54do not feel free. And but but I think the problem is that they have
- 18:58an interesting idea about what freedom really is.
- 19:02You do have freedom, and that freedom is to make a new choice.
- 19:06Now, do you like your options?
- 19:09Maybe you don't. Are you feeling like your life is operating according to your
- 19:14Preferences? Prob probably not.
- 19:16Like when I'm thinking about when somebody's feeling very constrained.
- 19:19Like I I used to work in corporate America and like I did not like the reporting.
- 19:25It was not my favorite. I did not like some of the posturing and things that
- 19:29we have to do, you know, in corporate culture.
- 19:31Like those kinds of things like were not my preference.
- 19:34But let's
- 19:34Right.
- 19:34be let's be very clear. That does not make them bad.
- 19:37That just means that
- 19:39I did not prefer to spend my time in that way.
- 19:42I did prefer
- 19:43Right.
- 19:44to spend my time in other ways.
- 19:46And so then I made a choice. And I and I chose a more entrepreneurial route
- 19:50for my career. That doesn't mean that it's bad to choose corporate or or
- 19:55bad to go bureaucratic, but it is a choice.
- 19:58It's still a choice. And the question is,
- 20:00are you are you activating agency and saying,
- 20:03yes, I'm here?
- 20:04Because my intention is to use my life force to accomplish A,
- 20:09B, and C. And because I am deciding to do so,
- 20:12CEO of my life, right? Or leader of my life,
- 20:16whatever resonates for you. Therefore,
- 20:18yeah, there's gonna be some client compliance stuff.
- 20:21You know, there's gonna be so like there's no such thing as
- 20:26a life without suffering. So maybe for the choices that you're making.
- 20:30There's a certain kind of suffering you're inviting in,
- 20:32and it's it's not because you it's your preference,
- 20:35it's not because you even enjoy it.
- 20:36It's not even like we could debate the politics and all of that kind
- 20:40of stuff all day long. But when you remember your intention behind
- 20:44the reasons that you chose this path,
- 20:46Right.
- 20:46you can appreciate A, the path you're on,
- 20:48but B, you can also recognize your capacity,
- 20:51your agency to choose a new path.
- 20:52Yes. And I think that's one of the things I love so much about coaching.
- 20:56And when I say that, I mean about me being coached by my coach and when
- 21:01I'm working with people as their coach is that these new realizations
- 21:05and these aha's and unlocks really,
- 21:08like unlocks occur through coaching.
- 21:11And I love it.
- 21:13Because yes, there's choice like you were talking about.
- 21:15And sometimes for me, it's I may not like the compliance that it's in front of me,
- 21:20even on my own health journey.
- 21:22Like
- 21:22There's things I have to be compliant with that are not my favorite.
- 21:25And it is a choice I make to do it so that I can remain alive.
- 21:30And then also when if I think that I'm truly stuck,
- 21:34like if I get in that of, ugh,
- 21:36like the state says this or whatever it is,
- 21:39and like I don't have any options.
- 21:41I have no choice. I have to do it this way.
- 21:43When I start thinking like that,
- 21:44I'm like, okay, Kimberly, what's a reframe?
- 21:47What's a new thought?
- 21:49That will serve better, serve me better and the people that I'm working with.
- 21:54Absolutely. You know, one of my favorite techniques
- 21:57when I when I when I fall into that,
- 21:58because look, we're all human beings.
- 21:59We we have like reasons we default to this thinking.
- 22:02It is cognitively way easier, emotionally way easier to assign blame outside
- 22:08of ourselves. Like that's totally
- 22:09Absolutely.
- 22:11the reason why we do that. And so my favorite technique,
- 22:14really, for real, when I'm feeling like I have no choice and there's
- 22:17no options and I'm screwed, then ~ I get I eat a sandwich.
- 22:21'Cause so often the issue for me is physiological.
- 22:23I'm like, I'm literally like, I got low blood sugar,
- 22:26I didn't sleep good last night.
- 22:28There were you know, had an argument with my spouse or something like that that like
- 22:31took me off my game and I'm I'm a little a little off center or whatever.
- 22:34So like just take a beat I think sometimes with living a more intentional life,
- 22:39one of the things I didn't really anticipate and now I realize it's so so true,
- 22:43is you need the space to reflect and connect and recenter.
- 22:48So that you can see things like that in the long game.
- 22:50So often the stuff that we don't want to deal with or the the pains
- 22:52Yeah.
- 22:54in the butt of our modern life,
- 22:55it it comes down to a short-term pain for a long-term gain.
- 22:59And when you give yourself the space
- 23:00Mm-hmm.
- 23:02and like the energy to be able to consider those things,
- 23:06you start to realize like, wow,
- 23:08there's actually a lot more in my direct and immediate control than I thought.
- 23:12And now I get to choose, and now because I'm
- 23:14Mm-hmm.
- 23:15Choosing, even if I'm choosing to do the same crappy thing,
- 23:17it just hits so differently, and you can you can honor that struggle.
- 23:22The the you know, I I love that phrase,
- 23:24honor the struggle. It's like I like that phrase,
- 23:26and I like the struggle is guaranteed,
- 23:28but success isn't. And
- 23:30Yes.
- 23:31that's such a beautiful reminder,
- 23:32too, because like I think one of the ways that we get twisted up about
- 23:36the whole intentional living thing,
- 23:38because if you ask somebody straight up on the street or in a coaching session.
- 23:42Are you living intentionally? Scale one to ten.
- 23:42It's difficult.
- 23:45On average, you're gonna hear eight.
- 23:46Most people think that they are.
- 23:46Right. Right.
- 23:50But that same person might confuse intention with certainty.
- 23:55So,
- 23:56Correct.
- 23:56you know, I'm certain that if I stick with this path,
- 23:59or I'm certain that if I do this thing,
- 24:01then I'm gonna get what I ultimately want.
- 24:04And that's that is not the same thing,
- 24:06I don't think. So then when they
- 24:08Yeah.
- 24:08encounter the lack of success or the additional struggle they weren't anticipating,
- 24:12then intentionality flies out the window really fast.
- 24:16We default back to our patterns.
- 24:17Right.
- 24:19Yes, and I love that distinction.
- 24:20Intentionality and certainty. Love it.
- 24:23Yeah, I agree. It's
- 24:23Yeah, but certainly.
- 24:25there's a difference there.
- 24:26Yeah, love it. my gosh. Okay, so the things that stood out to me
- 24:30is about intention is really gaining clarity,
- 24:33tapping into who am I, who do I want to be,
- 24:37what is important to me, getting clear about that so that you
- 24:41can get more intentional with your time,
- 24:43whether you're wanting to start a a new business,
- 24:46a new venture, change jobs, change your relationships,
- 24:49change the relationship you have with yourself,
- 24:52as well as
- 24:53Others. and then I wrote down alignment.
- 24:56So really identifying what does get me into alignment with all those things,
- 25:02with the person I want to be, the relationships that I want to have,
- 25:05the career that I want to have,
- 25:07and the future. Like what future do I want to have?
- 25:10And to get an alignment so that will happen.
- 25:12That's what I'm gathering from you,
- 25:13Amanda. Yeah.
- 25:15I agreed, yes,
- 25:17all the way. And and I think like something that people don't always
- 25:21get until they start to get it is handling the disappointment when you
- 25:25~ le
- 25:26set a good intention and it doesn't work out.
- 25:28So if
- 25:28you you don't really brought it up for me is when you were mentioning like
- 25:31relationships, for example.
- 25:33Yeah.
- 25:34How many people have you talked to over the years?
- 25:36I know I've definitely had this experience even personally
- 25:37Mm-hmm.
- 25:38where
- 25:39You have such a good intention for like where your relationship's gonna go,
- 25:42Yeah.
- 25:42maybe
- 25:43like in your marriage or with your kids or with your friends,
- 25:46or maybe there's somebody that you're super excited to connect with,
- 25:49and you're like, great, great intention.
- 25:50Actually, business owners, right?
- 25:52Maybe you've got this great intention,
- 25:53you know, of somebody's gonna be there,
- 25:55gonna be your next customer. You're so excited they're gonna be your next customer.
- 25:58And like, so you have this great intention for the relationship,
- 26:02but then there's a misunderstanding or a miscommunication or a ball gets dropped
- 26:04Right.
- 26:07Or you got so excited you forgot to ask what they were excited about,
- 26:11right? And like these things happen,
- 26:13and I love thinking about relationships,
- 26:15because relationships in particular can be so messy when it comes
- 26:18to having intention, because most people do live in this like reactive responding
- 26:22kind of a place.
- 26:24Sure.
- 26:24And so the power of intention
- 26:27is that you get to know your reasons that you are doing what you're doing.
- 26:31you might have people who disagree with your actions or the things that you
- 26:36do or do not do. And like that,
- 26:38Right.
- 26:39that is
- 26:39certain. That's gonna come up.
- 26:41And so what's helped me a lot as I've become an entrepreneur is really because some
- 26:44people like they don't like certain kinds of marketing or they don't they don't
- 26:47agree with your perspective or the things that you do.
- 26:50I've had people have taken issue with my hair,
- 26:52which I don't understand, but it can happen.
- 26:55and if you just know the reason you're doing this stuff,
- 26:57what your intention was
- 26:59You can recover from almost anything and I think it's especially
- 27:02as important in relationships.
- 27:03Yes. So good. When you know your intention.
- 27:07Yes. And that's going back to having clarity and staying true to your heart
- 27:11and true to who you are.
- 27:14Exactly.
- 27:15Love it. So good, Amanda. I'm so glad you came today and chatted with
- 27:19us about intention and intention for one's life.
- 27:23Thank you very much.
- 27:25My pleasure. Thanks for having me.
- 27:27Yes. Awesome everybody. Well thanks for tuning in to Candid Coach
- 27:30Conversations. Remember to live life fully and enjoy every moment.
- 27:35We'll see you soon.