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Why do I feel guilt when grieving? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Why do I feel guilt when grieving?
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: When we experience loss there are some key emotions which usually come up, and these would be sadness, anger and guilt.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: There are many more emotions you may feel, and to different degrees, and this will depend on your unique relationship with a deceased, the circumstances around their death, and the levels of stress you've come into situation with.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: So guilt is a hard one to manage.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: There is usually nothing anybody can say that can relieve those feelings or take them away.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: There are different types of guilt you may feel after a loss, and these are the following.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: So you've got survivor's guilt.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: So if you survived a tragic event whilst others with you did not, this will surface, and it's often seen in conflict in the forces, also national disasters, or car accidents.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: So then there's regret-based guilt.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: So this relates to how we wish we had said or done something before the person died, or we regret doing and saying things we shouldn't have to them and not having that chance again to apologise, for example, or we wish we'd have spent more time with them.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Then there's relief guilt, and this is usually experienced when a loved one dies after a terminal illness and they've been in pain for such a long time, and we just get this sense of relief that they're okay, and we're glad in a way that they're no longer in pain, but then we get this wave of guilt for feeling glad they're not here anymore, should we be feeling this?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Then there's guilt over moving on.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Time passes, and we may feel guilty at laughing, feeling joy, getting back into social settings or pursuing new adventures without our loved one.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: All of these types of guilt are a natural part of the grieving process.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: However, if the guilt becomes overwhelming or consuming, it's a good time to reach out for support, and you can lean into professional counselling or speak to a trusted loved one.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: So talking about your feelings can be a real release, and whilst there isn't anything anyone can say or do to alleviate the guilt we carry, you can try to look at the ways in which you were there for that person and all that you did try to do while they were there.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: The best outcome for guilt is getting to a place of acceptance around the loss and showing yourself compassion for what you did do.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that this has been helpful and there are many resources online to get help with processing grief with either with a professional counsellor or free resources with an organisation.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: So Samaritans are always a first portal if you're in crisis and it's got too much for you.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: And you can call them on 116 123 and then as a next recommendation I'd say cruise bereavement support helpline, and you can call them on 0808 808 1677.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: And please take care of yourselves.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.