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#HURDLEMOMENT: 4 Tricks to Eliminate Negative Self-Talk · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

0:01
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Hurdle, a podcast that talks to everyone
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Speaker 1: from top CEOs and entrepreneurs to athletes about how they
0:07
Speaker 1: got through tough times hurdles of sorts by leaning into wellness.
0:12
Speaker 1: It's Wednesday, which means that you are listening to another
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Speaker 1: Hurdle Moment for the smaller obstacles we deal with each
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Speaker 1: and every day. This week, I'm talking about getting rid
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Speaker 1: of negative self talk. It's something I definitely struggle with,
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Speaker 1: that little voice in my head that can be super
0:30
Speaker 1: super critical. Of course, I am a huge advocate for
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Speaker 1: being your own biggest fan, and I'm constantly working on
0:36
Speaker 1: building myself up in order to be the best version
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Speaker 1: of myself for the people around me. But that doesn't
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Speaker 1: mean that the voice doesn't kick in every now and again,
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Speaker 1: whether it's at the office and you're doubting that you're
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Speaker 1: the right person to take on some new exciting project,
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Speaker 1: or perhaps it's one of those face yourself in the
0:52
Speaker 1: mirror moments where it's easy to be a little less
0:55
Speaker 1: than nice about how something fits or looks, or whatever.
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Speaker 1: Negative talk happens. Recently, I went through something which triggered
1:03
Speaker 1: today's Hurdle Moment episode. It was about of travel that
1:06
Speaker 1: ended in mid March, and during trips from Los Angeles
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Speaker 1: to Austin and Abiza, in Paris, in so many wonderful places,
1:13
Speaker 1: I lost some compassion for me. In the process, I
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Speaker 1: had honestly gained a little bit of weight, and I
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Speaker 1: soon realized that the way that I was talking to myself, well,
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Speaker 1: it's not really how I'd want to talk to anybody else.
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Speaker 1: The good news and all this is that I've been
1:27
Speaker 1: able to flip the script, and that's what we're talking
1:30
Speaker 1: about today. I try often to give you guys as
1:33
Speaker 1: many takeaways as possible, and today I'm talking openly about
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Speaker 1: my experience. I'm getting vulnerable with you because I'm hoping
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Speaker 1: that if you're dealing with something like this right now,
1:43
Speaker 1: or if you've dealt with something like this in the past,
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Speaker 1: that you know that you're not alone, and that maybe
1:49
Speaker 1: I can help you too get over your own hurdle.
1:52
Speaker 1: You know the Drill at Hurdle podcast on Instagram, on Twitter,
1:56
Speaker 1: on Facebook, Share a hurdle moment of your own with me,
2:00
Speaker 1: emailing me It's Emily at Hurdle dot us. And that's it.
2:04
Speaker 1: With that, let's get to this week's hurdle moment. I
2:14
Speaker 1: went to a podcast meet up last week with a
2:16
Speaker 1: few guys I love from a news podcast I listened
2:18
Speaker 1: to called Group Chat, and one of them was talking
2:21
Speaker 1: about how authenticity is gold. His name is de Murphy,
2:25
Speaker 1: and obviously he was talking about it in relation to podcasting,
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Speaker 1: but it's really true everywhere. When you want people to
2:32
Speaker 1: trust you, and that can be as a friend or
2:35
Speaker 1: a lover, a source or an expert or whatever, the
2:38
Speaker 1: best thing you can do is just be upfront with
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Speaker 1: who you really are. We all have authority over things
2:44
Speaker 1: that we know to be true, and for me, I
2:46
Speaker 1: feel like the things that I have some sort of
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Speaker 1: authority over are running. And then something I might not
2:51
Speaker 1: talk as much about, which is weight loss. Now on
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Speaker 1: the pod, I've talked before about how I used to
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Speaker 1: weigh about seventy pounds more than I do now back
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Speaker 1: in college, and the good thing about that weight loss
3:02
Speaker 1: is that I've been able to keep it off. And
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Speaker 1: that's because during the whole process, I turned eating healthier
3:07
Speaker 1: and working out into parts of my lifestyle. Sure, there
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Speaker 1: have definitely been times here and there where I've gained
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Speaker 1: a few pounds, but I've always been able to reel
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Speaker 1: it in, like, for example, after big holiday weekends, I'd
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Speaker 1: come back to the city, put on my sneakers, and
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Speaker 1: run it out. I was never mad about what some
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Speaker 1: people might consider going overboard every now and again with eating.
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Speaker 1: I love food, I really really do, and life is
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Speaker 1: just way too short, in my opinion, to just view
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Speaker 1: it as fuel. There are cheeseboards and wine and sushi
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Speaker 1: and desserts and so many things worth eating. I actually
3:42
Speaker 1: talked to Danielle Dubois and Whitney Tangle about this, the
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Speaker 1: Sakara Life Founders and their episode of Hurdle, And the
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Speaker 1: fact is is that we are what we do ninety
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Speaker 1: five percent of the time, and that's with everything right,
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Speaker 1: whether it's how you handle your relationships with your friends
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Speaker 1: or maybe what your diet looks like. We can't get
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Speaker 1: down on ourselves about that other five percent. Earlier this year,
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Speaker 1: that five percent became ten, and then twenty, and then
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Speaker 1: it felt like I was out of control. I had
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Speaker 1: been traveling NonStop, like I said, to Paris in Spain
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Speaker 1: and Los Angeles and Austin and everywhere, and the experiences
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Speaker 1: were so awesome and I feel so lucky that I
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Speaker 1: had them. But after about the fourth or fifth trip,
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Speaker 1: I started to feel pretty awful. Honestly, I was frustrated
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Speaker 1: that my clothes weren't fitting the same. I felt like
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Speaker 1: I didn't have the same energy. I felt lethargic and cranky,
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Speaker 1: and you hear it all the time, but I was
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Speaker 1: trying to overwork out to accommodate a bad diet, and
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Speaker 1: it just was not working. I would wake up almost
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Speaker 1: every day and tell myself, today's the day you're going
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Speaker 1: to turn this around, and then well, it wouldn't happen.
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Speaker 1: I'd say, okay, tomorrow, and it would just repeat and
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Speaker 1: repeat and repeat. So when after avoiding the skill for mine,
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Speaker 1: once I finally stepped on, I was greeted with what
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Speaker 1: I already knew. I knew I felt that already. The
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Speaker 1: change in the number on the scale was just another
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Speaker 1: indication of why. I texted my best friend and I
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Speaker 1: told her that I needed her help and that accountability
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Speaker 1: that in itself helped. That's when I was able to
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Speaker 1: turn it around. Finally, I committed to getting back to
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Speaker 1: a place of self love. I committed to getting back
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Speaker 1: to a place where I felt comfortable in my own body.
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Speaker 1: The goal of course that I'd lose some of that weight,
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Speaker 1: but more so that I would get back to feeling
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Speaker 1: like me. So here are the steps I took. This
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Speaker 1: is what worked for me. Here are my tricks to
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Speaker 1: eliminating negative self talk. Trick number one. Rite in a
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Speaker 1: gratitude journal. I would say over those four to five
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Speaker 1: trips over that month and a half to two month
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Speaker 1: period where I was in and out of the city constantly,
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Speaker 1: I probably wrote in that journal a third of the time.
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Speaker 1: I knew that I needed to get back to thinking
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Speaker 1: about the things in my life that made me grateful,
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Speaker 1: the things that were positive, and the things that made
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Speaker 1: me happy. I swear just a few minutes writing down
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Speaker 1: your thoughts, your feelings every single day, the things that
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Speaker 1: make you feel happy about what you have in your life.
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Speaker 1: It's so so valuable, and just a reminder. This doesn't
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Speaker 1: need to be something where you sit with it for
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Speaker 1: twenty minutes in your morning. I know we've all got
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Speaker 1: stuff to do. I've gone through phases in my life
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Speaker 1: where I'm writing in a gratitude journal and I'm writing
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Speaker 1: three things that I'm thankful for every single morning, And
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Speaker 1: right now I'm in more of a rite for five
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Speaker 1: minutes and it's just one bit, one thing that makes
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Speaker 1: me feel happy for the past twenty four hours. Both
6:45
Speaker 1: are good, both are worthwhile. So for me, getting back
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Speaker 1: to the gratitude journal, getting back to remembering the things
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Speaker 1: that make me happy, it was a huge step in
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Speaker 1: the right direction to eliminating that negative self time. I
7:00
Speaker 1: think the really cool thing about taking the time to
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Speaker 1: enter things in a gratitude journal is that sometimes when
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Speaker 1: you go to do it and you realize or you
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Speaker 1: think about the fact that you might not have anything
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Speaker 1: to put in there, it really makes you stop and
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Speaker 1: it makes you evaluate, Okay, what happened over the last
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Speaker 1: twenty four hours, and why am I feeling like there's
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Speaker 1: nothing good going on? How can I make a change
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Speaker 1: to that? How can I fix this? It becomes problematic
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Speaker 1: when you don't take the time to stop and reflect,
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Speaker 1: and so trick number one, have some gratitude and write
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Speaker 1: it down. Trick number two, be conscious of what you're
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Speaker 1: putting in your body. Everyone's relationship with food is different,
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Speaker 1: but for me, when I'm feeling stressed or upset or
7:44
Speaker 1: whatever the case may be, I kind of reach to
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Speaker 1: food as a source of comfort during this time when
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Speaker 1: I was traveling so much. To be honest, what I
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Speaker 1: was reaching for the most was alcohol. Alcohol was an
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Speaker 1: easy path at the time to empty calories, and it
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Speaker 1: was also obviously a little bit depressing. I didn't have
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Speaker 1: a good reason for why I found myself drinking more,
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Speaker 1: and I knew that if I was going to be
8:06
Speaker 1: going out with friends that would be happening. I'd have
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Speaker 1: a drink, and then I'd have another, and then I'd
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Speaker 1: have another, And before I knew it, I was just
8:14
Speaker 1: kind of casually at four or five a night. That
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Speaker 1: is not a way to be. So I started to
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Speaker 1: get really mindful about what I was consuming, yes, with alcohol,
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Speaker 1: but also with food. I made a pledge to start
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Speaker 1: writing things down. My trick to being more mindful keeping
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Speaker 1: a food journal. You know, back in college I was
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Speaker 1: on weight Watchers, and that's how I lost a lot
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Speaker 1: of weight. And part of the weight Watchers program is
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Speaker 1: that you write things down. I knew that if I
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Speaker 1: was going to sit down after I was dead eating
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Speaker 1: and be accountable and keep track of what was going on,
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Speaker 1: that I'd be more considerate about what I was going
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Speaker 1: to tap out in my notes. App By being considerate
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Speaker 1: of what we're putting into our bodies. It's just one
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Speaker 1: way to show yourself a little bit of compassion. It's
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Speaker 1: another way to give back to you, to show some
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Speaker 1: self love, which brings me to trick number three. Talk
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Speaker 1: about it. It's hard. I get it. It's hard to
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Speaker 1: say when things aren't going well for me. I think
9:14
Speaker 1: what's really tough is that I want to be a
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Speaker 1: source of strength for so many other people. But I've
9:20
Speaker 1: come to terms with this idea that if I'm not
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Speaker 1: giving back to myself, if I'm not working on being
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Speaker 1: the best version of myself, then I can't be strong
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Speaker 1: for my friends. I can't help you. It doesn't work
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Speaker 1: that way. Sometimes you've got to be upfront and honest
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Speaker 1: with the idea that you need some help. When we're
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Speaker 1: all in our head, things get built up, right. It's
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Speaker 1: like for me, for weeks and weeks and weeks, I
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Speaker 1: was struggling with this idea that I was frustrated with
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Speaker 1: what I was putting into my body and how I felt,
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Speaker 1: and the dialogue it wasn't changing, and it was just
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Speaker 1: this long spiral. But the second I told someone how
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Speaker 1: I felt, the second I felt like I had some support,
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Speaker 1: that was when I felt confident that I was capable
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Speaker 1: again of making the change. It's kind of like when
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Speaker 1: you're studying for a big exam in college and you
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Speaker 1: have an exam date right, and it's like you could
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Speaker 1: slack off for a few weeks of a semester, but
10:15
Speaker 1: ultimately with that exam date lingering, you know there's going
10:19
Speaker 1: to be some sort of test. When you reach out
10:22
Speaker 1: to a friend and you tell them that you're feeling
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Speaker 1: some kind of way, that maybe that self talk is
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Speaker 1: creeping up and it's negative and whatever, you've in a
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Speaker 1: sense set the test date. It's like, Okay, if this
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Speaker 1: person's a true friend, then they're going to reach back
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Speaker 1: out to you. You're going to know that there's some
10:38
Speaker 1: accountability there, and come quote unquote exam day, you have
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Speaker 1: the opportunity to prove to yourself and obviously to them,
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Speaker 1: that you've got this whole thing under control. Now. I'll
10:49
Speaker 1: be the first to admit that just because you tell
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Speaker 1: someone how you feel doesn't mean instantly you're going to
10:54
Speaker 1: start feeling better. It doesn't mean instantly that little voice
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Speaker 1: is going to stop nagging you. But what it does
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Speaker 1: mean is that now you have an outlet. Now you
11:02
Speaker 1: don't have to feel so alone, and that's really really special.
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Speaker 1: Trick number four, celebrate the small wins. Whether it's with
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Speaker 1: shifting how you talk to yourself, or with weight loss,
11:14
Speaker 1: or with tackling a big project at the office or
11:17
Speaker 1: working up to run a marathon. A lot of us
11:20
Speaker 1: have really big goals, and sometimes in the excitement of
11:25
Speaker 1: that big goal, we forget to celebrate the small stuff.
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Speaker 1: For me, there were a lot of small wins that
11:31
Speaker 1: were happening constantly, like putting on my genes and feeling
11:34
Speaker 1: good again, or making the time to pack my lunch
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Speaker 1: in the morning. I mean, they're endless. Small wins are
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Speaker 1: meant to be just that small, and celebrating them it's
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Speaker 1: just going to inevitably make you a happier person, a
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Speaker 1: prouder person. We all owe it to ourselves to remember
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Speaker 1: every small step forward is a step in the right direction.
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Speaker 1: And so to recap the four tricks to eliminating that
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Speaker 1: negative self talk, Trick one, keep a gratitude journal, Trick two,
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Speaker 1: be mindful of what you're putting in your body, Trick
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Speaker 1: three talk to someone about it, and Trick four, celebrate
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Speaker 1: the small wins. I know we've all been there so
12:21
Speaker 1: many different times in our lives when this negative talk
12:25
Speaker 1: comes in, whether it's on a run and you're four
12:28
Speaker 1: minutes in and you feel like it's as though you've
12:31
Speaker 1: never even done it before, or whether you're staring down
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Speaker 1: at the scale and you're feeling so frustrated, wondering how
12:38
Speaker 1: did I even get here? I get it. What I
12:41
Speaker 1: want to hit home time and time again is that
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Speaker 1: A you are never alone, and B you have the
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Speaker 1: power to make a change, to shift the narrative, to
12:52
Speaker 1: change the dialogue. It's definitely not always going to be easy,
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Speaker 1: and in fact, most times it isn't. I offer you
12:59
Speaker 1: these strikes that worked for me in hopes that maybe
13:02
Speaker 1: at least one of them works for you. I'm honest
13:05
Speaker 1: with you in today's hurdle moment about going through some
13:08
Speaker 1: tough stuff, because the reality is is that life is
13:12
Speaker 1: never just going to be smooth sailing, and we owe
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Speaker 1: it to ourselves to do the best we can with
13:17
Speaker 1: what we have. And that's it. Man, It's exhausting being vulnerable.
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Speaker 1: Thanks for listening guys this week. Make sure to hit
13:26
Speaker 1: me up if you're implementing any of these strategies. I
13:29
Speaker 1: always want to know if what I'm putting out there
13:32
Speaker 1: is what you like, So if you have a second,
13:35
Speaker 1: leave a quick comment on Instagram at Hurdle Podcast. Go
13:38
Speaker 1: ahead on over into the iTunes store, click the link
13:41
Speaker 1: with the description to this episode and rate and review
13:44
Speaker 1: the podcast, and thank you for letting me be me
13:48
Speaker 1: another hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next time. Well,