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How to Forgive Yourself and Your Past Mistakes · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way, whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: And today we're going to be talking about letting go of past mistakes and forgiving yourself.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll just say this one as I'm recording this uh hits a little bit harder for me because as a parent, sometimes we try to do the best we can and we end up making a mistake or not acting uh expeditiously, and it turns out to be something that we start beating ourselves up for.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: So it turns out actually that my son had has a broken wrist that is going to require surgery.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: And unfortunately, my mistake was that it didn't appear as though it was broken.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: Uh there were no there was no evidence of it.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: He kind of said the pain comes and goes.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: Turns out that it's the part of apparently it's a very common wrist injury.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but unfortunately it is broken and it needs to be repaired via putting a screw in that bone to ensure that it heals.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so I myself am working on this very topic of how do we let go of past mistakes and to forget and forgive ourselves because there is right now a bunch, a big part of me that is running through the should's, could've's, what did I do wrong, how could I have missed it, all of those things.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because here's the truth we can carry guilt and we can carry shame for years, and it can wreak havoc on our mental and emotional health, as it is most of my morning.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: I have been sitting and spinning.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so I'm doing my own inner work right now on this very topic of how I can choose to forgive myself.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: And that's the same thing that we're talking about here today is how can you choose to forgive yourself and learn to let go of past mistakes, even though it can be challenging, right?
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying that it's easy, but if we can learn to let go of the mistake and take with it, okay, what did I learn from this situation?
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: How can I continue to grow and evolve?
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: That's how we start moving forward.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: So let's just call a spade a spade here.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's perfectly normal to remember your past mistakes.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I guarantee you, I'm gonna remember this one for as long as I probably live.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: This will be one that stays in my brain.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, because our brain do does track past experiences and past challenges.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: However, there are times when we focus more on the bad things and we start to believe that we've done something that can't be forgiven.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: And that is when the pain and the shame and the suffering really takes hold because our brain gets trapped in that negativity and we keep replaying the mistake over and over again.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: Because, you know, the brain cannot really distinguish between a life-threatening situation and an everyday mistake and kind of treats both things equally.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: And it can make you feel like you don't have control over it, but we do have the power to break free from the grip of the shaming or the guilt that we feel from the mistakes because we do have a choice point and we can take the time to practice things like self-compassion and ask ourselves those important questions of what's actually true.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: You know, how what did we learn?
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: How can we, how can we move forward from this situation?
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: You know, guilt and shame are those sneaky emotions that can linger on for years and absolutely throw you off balance.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: As I said, definitely the guilt right now has thrown me off balance for my morning.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, however, when we we continue to hold on to that, the guilt can even sometimes transmute into shame.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: And shame is that really difficult one where we start to think that there's something wrong with ourselves.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that's the emotion that weighs you down, that's the emotion that makes you feel unworthy.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: And so self-forgiveness is such a powerful, um, it's it's such it has such a powerful impact on our well-being.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: And that impact that it has on our well-being then in turn affects the relationships we have with others and allows us to continue moving forward and lift different life domains that we might be working on.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: So, for instance, if we continue to hold on to the shame and guilt and we don't ever self-forgive, it can hold us back in other areas of our life that we wouldn't even necessarily connect to whatever the mistake was that we made.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: But those of us who are perfectionists, those of us who have really high standards for ourselves, definitely struggle with self-forgiveness.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's not to say that, you know, if you're I'm not saying by any stretch that only perfectionists suffer from the inability to self-forgive, but it is definitely a huge issue for perfectionists to deal with.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but self-forgiveness really does begin with self-compassion.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's treating yourself with an understanding that, you know, life is gonna have challenges, things are going to happen, and just like everyone else, you deserve love and you deserve forgiveness, and you deserve the ability to continue to grow and evolve from some mistakes that you may have made.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do we do this?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: The first is to acknowledge and accept.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: Acknowledge and accept what's happened.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: You know, allow yourself to think of whatever it was that happened, and but but come at it with just naming it.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: So we're not bringing judgment to it, we're just naming that this is what happened, we're acknowledging that it happened, we're allowing it to be there without judging it, and we're taking responsibility for it.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: We're saying, yes, this is the thing that happened.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: So in my case, yes, I absolutely did not make an appointment immediately with a doctor.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: I own that.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: I am acknowledging it and owning that.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: And then as we acknowledge and own that, we also come to this place of radical acceptance that nobody is perfect.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: We're humans.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: We really are going through life, making decisions based on the information we have at the time.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so we make decisions.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes when we have more information, we realize the decision we made was maybe not the right one.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: But it's quite unfair for us to judge ourselves with, you know, our that self that has this additional information.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's very unfair for that self to be judging the self of previous days or previous days where that self didn't have that information.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: So we have to give ourselves permission to learn, learn from the new information that we just received, and then ask ourselves, how do we want to go forward with this?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: And that's when we can step into self-forgiveness.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's when we can say, okay, this is instead of judging myself, we come with kindness and we say, This is what happened.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: Now that I have this information, I recognize that that was not necessarily the best decision, but these are the things that I have learned, and I can give myself that grace to now take that information and move forward and then take committed action that's rooted in, you know, your value system, who you are, what's meaningful for you, and and move forward rather than staying in the self-judgment and the self-blame.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, it's really important to get support.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: So often we get caught up in our own thoughts about things, and so having somebody that you can talk to about it and really release what you're carrying with you is really, really important.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: That's part of self-compassion, is this idea of common humanity that we're other people have had similar experiences, but also you don't have to go it alone.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: You can find that support system and talk to them and allow them to walk with you and to hold that space with you.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: I know as a coach, that's what I do when I work with my clients.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: I hold that space for my clients.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: For instance, I will hold the space of forgiveness until they can step into it for themselves.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: And it's so vitally important.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: And self-forgiveness is so vitally important because when we don't self-forgive and we keep blaming, we can't actually move forward.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: If you would like to talk about this or anything else where you feel like maybe you're being held back, you're feeling stagnant, and you would like to chat with me about how coaching might be a help for you, by all means I invite you to book a time to talk with me at coachwithcomedy.com.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.